By Kendra Holliday | March 4, 2018
The following is a list of links that relate to my slideshow presentation Shocking the System: When Your True Life Tales Cross the Line. The presentation was given March 3, 2018 at Shameless Grounds in St Louis, MO, and on March 18 in London at Eroticon.
This list is curated from the more than 600 posts currently published on this blog.
http://thebeautifulkind.com/my-life-milestones/ – quick life review
http://thebeautifulkind.com/fisting-demo-june-13/ – a post featuring friends
http://thebeautifulkind.com/happy-fisting-day/ – another friend post
http://thebeautifulkind.com/rooting-for-owen/ – a post featuring a client
http://thebeautifulkind.com/category/parenting/ posts about parenting
http://thebeautifulkind.com/my-dads-new-penis/ my dad’s penile implant
http://thebeautifulkind.com/a-gun-to-my-head/ gun debacle
http://thebeautifulkind.com/bra-shopping-with-fifi/ Fifi’s Cum Fiesta
https://www.inc.com/news/articles/2010/05/nonprofit-fires-woman-for-blogging-about-sex.html article about being fired
https://www.youtube.com/user/TheBeautifulKind my YouTube channel
http://thebeautifulkind.com/robbing-the-graveyard/ 90 yr old man
http://thebeautifulkind.com/losing-a-client/ Death of Client
By Kendra Holliday | March 2, 2018
Babysitter. When I was 12-16 years old, I babysat a lot. I wasn’t very good at it. Looking back, I feel bad for the parents who trusted me with their homes and children. Sometimes they hired me so they could go on dates, but sometimes they had to work or go to school. I was oblivious to their grind. Some were rich, but some struggled. It was sad seeing them divorce. Nothing bad ever happened on my watch, but I did snoop around their house, eat their food, and made sure the kids followed the rules. As soon as they fell asleep, I would watch Cinemax softcore porn and get all tingly. One thing I did NOT do is steal, and one of the moms accused me of stealing from her kid’s piggy bank! I ran into her ten years later and was able to confront her. It still hurt after all those years. She apologized and told me it was a different babysitter – she just assumed it was me because I was younger. It was good getting closure with her.
Telemarketer. As soon as I turned 16, I got a job selling magazine subscriptions over the phone, facing a wall in a room full of cubicles. It was HELL being a clueless teenager and cold calling people, trying to make them buy something they didn’t need, and getting rejected, hung up on, cussed out. I only lasted a day. I remember thinking, “This is what having a job is like? It SUCKS!”
Salad Bar Attendant at grocery store. A week later, I got a job at a grocery store near my parent’s house, working in the salad bar. I’d sometimes go to school until 3pm, then work at the salad bar from 4-10pm. Sometimes I’d have a Sat or Sun shift that went from 530am-3pm. I wore a polyester uniform and stood in the cold back room for hours, chopping romaine lettuce, pineapples, rinsing slimy kidney beans…I worked there until I was 18, and was glad to be transferred to the bakery where things were warmer, smelled better, and there were cupcakes. During this time, I was an unethical slut and fucking around – one time my jealous boyfriend visited me on my lunch break. He put his hand on my thigh and felt the garter belt and stocking I had on under my polyester pants. BUSTED. I remember the angry flash in his eye, and how my heart raced. I lied to him that I was wearing them to keep warm, when in reality I totally had plans to cheat on him after I clocked out.
Hotel front desk clerk. When I got kicked out of my parent’s house at 18, I was homeless, so after crashing with friends for a while, I found a crappy shotgun house right on Highway 44 with an awful roommate. I didn’t have a car, so I found a job within walking distance – that hotel at Hampton and 44. It used to be a Howard Johnson. I thought it was rather glamorous – I got to work with the pretty ladies. We had one suicide while I was there – he checked in, but he never checked out. I dated the maintenance man who resembled Bruce Springsteen, but it was bad – his penis was damaged from being circumcised later in life after a foreskin injury. The management favored my co-worker who would leave me to watch the desk while she did drug deals in vacant rooms, so I got frustrated and saved money as best I could in order to buy a car.
By Kendra Holliday | March 1, 2018
Remember this RFT article that shocked the local community eight years ago? Take a moment to skim it, then let’s replace all the sex references with more innocuous FOOD references and see how it reads.
Not as shocking, ey? Why is that?
Special thanks to Ms. Melissa Meinzer and The Riverfront Times for permission to revise the article for conservative consumption.
SFW: The St. Louis mom behind food blog The Baking Kind is outing herself
Kendra Holliday is a total chef. Go right ahead and say it — she does. She’s not hiding from it anymore.
In some ways, she’s always been honest about it. She’s unflinchingly blogged every detail of her baking life for years — she’s a talented, aproned, joyously partnered divorced mother, living and writing and baking (and yeah, it’s a lot of baking) in St. Louis.
Her blog, www.thebakingkind.com, details all of it. It has made her into a celebrity of sorts. It has cost her a job. She’s called it her second partner.
The blog has become a safe space for food-positive readers in St. Louis and all over the world to come together. It’s created a virtual community, and Holliday and some of her foodie friends want to take that momentum and push the Midwest forward into greater culinary freedom and openness.
And it’s hard to do that when you’re hiding. So Holliday is coming out.
Kendra Holliday is 38. She’s got the lithe glow of a long-time vegetarian.
She grew up outside Creve Coeur, in the house her parents still share with a dog and two cats. The house has photos of all five kids on the wall, alongside photos of nurse Mom and sailor Dad from the beginning of their 44 years of marriage.
In a lot of ways, Holliday’s early years were fairly conventional. She was a smart girl and in her school’s gifted program. Her siblings looked up to her then and still do now.
Order, togetherness and success are themes in her family’s history, just as much as the obvious love that its members share.
Holliday’s parents are happy to talk about her childhood, as they positively adore her. They recall entering her into a beauty contest in Texas when she was three and are still genuinely pleased that she won First Prize.
By Kendra Holliday | February 27, 2018
I’m 44 years old, turning 45 on Mar 23! Here is my life trajectory so far:
1973: I’m born in North Dakota. Brrrr!
1974: My family moves to Dallas, Texas.
1975: Who the hell knows.
1976: My brother is born.
1977: Um, Elvis dies?
1978: My sister is born. My brother throws up. I remember my first dream; I’m kidnapped by Captain Hook and held hostage with Raggedy Ann and Andy. He cuts off my foot and it looks like SpaghettiOs.
1979: My family moves to St. Louis.
1980: My baby brother is born, and dies two days later. My mom tries to kill herself several times, and when that fails, she burns his name into the back of her hand with a soldering iron. She is never the same again. A very dark time.
1981: Life still sucks. My mom is a complete wreck.
1982: My brother is born. My grandmother dies.
1983: I get molested by an older, adopted brother. It SUCKS. I get sent to therapy, and I don’t know why. I think I’m being punished. I am a victim.
1984: I have my first lesbian encounter. It’s hot and naughty. I’m 11.
1985: My baby sister is born. I drop her on her head, but don’t kill her. Skeptical about god’s involvement, I become an atheist.
1986: I hit puberty and middle school, and lose all my artistic talent and confidence. My family is poor white trash, and I am branded a zitty nerd. It sucks.
1987: My mom keeps getting crazier and crazier. It makes me crazy, and I attempt suicide. I spend time in three different mental hospitals. I lose my virginity to a 24 year old creep with a mustache because he keeps badgering me and I finally give in. It sucks.
1988: My moms tries to kill herself again. I put pressure on her slashed, gaping arms as my dad calls the ambulance. She gets hospitalized a lot, and OD’s, and gets shock treatment. I fuck around and feel very confused. It sucks.
By Kendra Holliday | February 25, 2018
I had a wonderful consultation with a 77-year-old man named Owen (he gave me permission to share his story, changing details to protect his identity).
Owen looks like a sweet, happy Grandpa, and he is just that. But underneath the big smile, warm, bespectacled eyes, and button-down plaid shirt, he is a total pervert.
And he’s frustrated.
He’s been widowed for many years, and is attractive, fit, financially comfortable and in good health. He’s had fair luck dating (there are four women for every man his age, after all), but he can’t find a kinky 60-70-something woman to save his life.
Every woman he dates is a prude. They’ll tell him, “I won’t be intimate with you until we’ve dated for six months.”
Or, if he kisses their belly and starts moving south, they’ll stop him, exclaiming, “What are you doing? That’s disgusting!”
Or, they’ll agree to go on a romantic weekend getaway with him and then sleep on the couch.
“I want to cum inside a woman and lick it out!” he declared, “But they have me on pussy probation and won’t even let me kiss their tummy! Don’t they realize we’re not getting any younger?”
He went on to lament, “What happened to all those women I had orgies with when I was a hippie? These days I’m reduced to sitting around watching porn and jerking off. I wanna have FUN!”
Owen has certainly had his share of fun, and he sees no reason for that to stop. He has Viagra for backup and would love a steady diet of free-spirited intimacy.
By Kendra Holliday | February 23, 2018
I offer sex and relationship consulting, and I’m happy to say that I’ve been getting more women, LGBT folks, and couples these days. Historically, most of the people who have sought me out for my unique services have been men who crave female energy.
The Top 5 reasons why people contact me are, in this order:
1. He’s a married man in his 50’s or 60’s whose wife is not interested in sex (mismatched libido)
2. He/she/they have some sort of sexual issue they want to work through, such as inexperience, anxiety, or orgasm/penis problems (Erectile Dysfunction is a common complaint – it can get complex when you heap social conditioning and anxiety on top of the natural aging process.)
3. He/she/they are interested in branching out sexually, either because they are in transition, not getting laid, or curious about alternative lifestyle options (non-monogamy, BDSM, sex work, etc.)
4. He has a fetish and is ashamed/seeking an outlet
5. They want to meet me, and possibly rub me for good luck
My goal is to offer tools, connections, and non-traditional options so that the people seeking me out can reach their goal of becoming happier and healthier. My approach is unconventional, and I get referrals from licensed sex therapists. I’m pretty well connected and have a strong network. Sex is my specialty, which ties into work, family, personal – everything!
Here is a list of resources I most often recommend to my clients:
By Kendra Holliday | February 17, 2018
Ed Note: This post was written in 2009. It is the only post I have ever published that was untrue, in that I combined two scenes into one story – one involving rape fantasy in a parking garage, the other being gunplay in my home. Boy, did I learn my lesson with this one. Readers were OUTRAGED we would roleplay something so deadly in public…and it was the same day my partner’s ex discovered my blog. Yikes. I put him in a very compromising position. I’m reposting this as a reference to a slideshow presentation I’m giving in London next month. It’s called “Shocking the System: When Your True Life Tales Cross the Line. It will be previewed at Shameless Grounds on March 3, at 3pm. Come and see for yourself.
Matthew was using his dad’s vehicle for the week, which means he had access to a handgun and a gleaming, ostentatious SUV.
Just add Republican.
He’s forever challenging me, and this adventure was no exception. For the record, I am a hippie and vehemently opposed to guns and SUVs. I SUPER HATE guns. They scare the shit out of me.
After lunch, we walked back to the SUV that was parked in the dark, dingy parking garage. Lunch was like foreplay, I was SO ready to rock the truck. Plus, I hadn’t fucked in an SUV since 2007.
But of course Matthew had to add his own creative twist. He opened the passenger door for me like the gentleman he is, but then – surprise! – he leaned in and grabbed an *unloaded* handgun out from under the seat. He pointed it at my head and shoved me to my knees. WTF?!?! Heart pounding, I knelt on the dirty concrete as he pulled out his already hard cock and told me to suck it.
The cold metal pressed against my skull as he used my face. I looked up at him, wide eyed, completely freaked out. He looked down at me grimly. No one was around.
Then he pulled his cock out of my mouth and I clamped shut. He brought the gun to my lips.
I shook my head vigorously.
He grabbed me by the jaw and squeezed hard. “OPEN.” he hissed.
By Kendra Holliday | February 11, 2018
When I was 19, I was a stripper.
My job was to get really close to men and arouse them. Their job was not to touch my breasts or genital area.
I did my job well, but they often tried sneaking a feel of the forbidden areas.
Sometimes they touched and I was badly surprised, and other times I could see them creeping toward the breasts, and I would tense up and cringe and try and deflect their fingers.
For nine months, I had hundreds of men grab my breasts and tweak/pinch my nipples without my consent.
When I finally quit there, my breasts were so traumatized that they couldn’t be touched for three years. If they were, it felt like an electrical shock.
Over time, I got a little better, but my breasts were still very sensitive and had to be handled with utmost care.
Then, when I was 27, I gave birth and breastfed for a year. I was SOO dreading breastfeeding, but was determined to do it for a year. My breasts swelled from A’s to D’s – they were swollen and engorged, with blue veins like highways.
The first six weeks were hell – it hurt so bad. My nipples were raw, red, chafed. Then I started getting used to all the latching, and tugging and pressure, but then I got a series of breast infections – mastitis, thrush, then mastitis again. Red, plugged ducts, feverish, itching, sharp, needle-like pain…
My breasts got brutalized!
By Kendra Holliday | February 11, 2018
My friend Joan Price is an ageless sexuality educator, and she has a free webinar on safer sex for seniors. Here it is – I queued it up to my favorite part. Please watch it for 20 seconds, then feel free to watch all of it. 🙂
By Kendra Holliday | February 8, 2018
Book cover art
This topic matches my life philosophy perfectly, which is:
As long as you take care of your duties and obligations and are not hurting anyone, you can have as much fun and pleasure as you want.
Simple enough, right?
Barbara’s book is about sex, but it’s so much MORE than sex – like I always say, our sexuality is connected with everything else in our lives. If we can address our sexuality without fear or shame, it frees us up to enjoy other aspects of our lives more fully.
Barbara Carrellas is a little woo woo,
Barbara shares so many of the messages I spout, but she does so in such a loving, compassionate, patient manner. She does an excellent job explaining concepts that might be unfamiliar to the reader.
Therefore, it would greatly behoove you to read this book, as it will clarify and reinforce many truths about sex in a way that will make you feel safe and empowered.
For instance, she teaches the Something More Factor. No matter where you are when it comes to your own orgasms, whether you’ve never had one or have more than one a day – you can enjoy Something More, if you desire. You can have more orgasms, longer orgasms, deeper orgasms – and orgasms are one ticket to ecstasy and bliss. Having an orgasm creates similar brain waves as meditation. (more…)
By Kendra Holliday | January 31, 2018
Do you know the term “New Relationship Energy“? It’s popular in polyamory circles, and describes that giddy infatuation feeling when you’re dating someone new. It’s like a drug!
My daughter is experiencing it now as she’s dating a new boy. They are so crazy about each other! It’s so nice to find someone who is your champion, someone who makes you feel emotionally supported and loved – someone who gets you, despite all your idiosyncrasies.
I’m about to head out for my 10th cabin getaway with my partner Matthew. As I sit and reflect on how crazy we still are about each other after all these years (a record for me!), I appreciate how our connection has evolved into Old Relationship Energy. (Read this great list of ways to keep the spark in your relationship. And if you’re more monogamous-minded, do check out Esther Perel’s work on how to sustain a happy and healthy marriage.)
I remember the first year or two we were together, we had to have sex at least twice a day. If we were lying in bed together, he would be hard. We would have threesomes and foursomes all the time. It’s not like that anymore, but we still feel passion, deep connection, and mad respect for each other. We don’t have sex as often as we used to, but it’s still realllllly good.
Here is how we have maintained a decade of great emotional and physical fulfillment, despite all the challenges we’ve faced:
We chose not to live together or combine our families. We have our own space and don’t have to go to family therapy!
- We didn’t get married. Been there, done that!
- We keep our finances separate.
- We maintain independence and autonomy.
- We share many core values, but are two very different people with different interests, so while we do some things together, we have no problem traveling solo or supporting each other’s endeavors.
- The time we spend together is quality time. We carve out date nights and little adventures. Novelty is exciting!
- We realize that a healthy relationship is give and give. I’ll never forget how he took care of me during my times of need, and I’m always thinking of ways to reciprocate.
- We do relationship check-ins as needed.
- We allow each other freedom to be romantic and sexual with other people. Every time we experience another person’s energy, it gives us a libido boost.
So, basically, we’ve rejected all the typical trappings of a long term relationship that can cause stress and resentment to build. People used to ask us, “When are you getting serious?”
Maybe I should have replied, “When are you getting playful?”
It’s much more fun to think – and play – outside the cage!
By Kendra Holliday | January 27, 2018
So many men are sick from toxic masculinity in our society. They have to be very manly, which involves taking care of business, being in charge, hiding feelings, and burying their feminine side.
They crave a place where they can surrender to a strong woman and be awash in female energy and power exchange.
Here’s a Dan Savage podcast where a man wants to know how to get his vanilla wife to like domming and pegging him. Go to the 8:35 mark and listen.
Dan points out that for some women, this can feel more like work than fun, so he suggests backing things up. For a woman not used to being sexually dominant, a good place for her to start is to think about what she wants right now and demanding it.
But what if what she wants right now is a cup of tea? Will that disappoint her partner? Will taking small steps like this lead them to a place where they both feel fulfillment?
I get a lot of men who tell me, “I want to please you.”
But then, when I tell them what I want, they steer things back to what THEY have in mind.
If you want me to peg you, piss on you, sit on your face, objectify you, humiliate you, that’s totally fine! You’re hiring me to perform a service, and I am happy to oblige. I have so much fun being creative sexually!
But don’t get it twisted. Are you doing this for you, or are you doing this for me?
Prepping for a session takes work, so not only are you paying for the time we are mentally and physically engaged, but you are paying for the hour before and after. I have to dress up in uncomfortable lingerie and heels and get into the right head space. I have to clean up afterward.
If you REALLY want to please me, here are some ideas:
By Kendra Holliday | January 27, 2018
This is a guest post by an older man who was raised traditional and conservative in a small town, but learned of the sex-positive community and discovered a different way of seeing things…
The “Me Too” era has exposed the callous acts of a privileged and entitled, male-dominated society in their suppression of women’s rights, equality, and, let’s face it, an attitude that women exist merely to SERVE men as those men see fit.
This does not indict ALL men, but there are vast number of men in our society that just do not GET IT.
Responsible men of this world should be the first to be in line to call it out as being WRONG.
At the same time, the “Me Too” movement is encouraging women to stand up, speak out, and be heard and not let the dominant and controlling men of this world get to operate in the hushed, wink and a nod, environment protected by each other simply because they exert economic and career power over women be it in the household, business, or academic settings; Nor let the powerful silence women by Non-Disclosure Settlements.
Axioms of Man —
While starting with Women, I realize how universal these axioms are to all other life. I hold women in a special and sacred place in my heart.
I realize that I have no inherent entitlement to the attention of a woman, man or other human or even animal or plant beings on this planet.
Women do not exist to serve men. They are unique, sacred beings in their own right, with their own rights.
Marriage does not bind a woman to blindly obey her husband nor create his ownership of her. That is a myth perpetrated by patriarchs including religious zealots.
Sacred female energy is a gift, as is sacred male energy, to be lovingly shared without expectation of a return. When we eliminate expectations, the rest takes care of itself in ways you would not even have thought possible.
Giving and offering gifts free from expectations is a freedom of expression in love.
Love to our fellow brothers and sisters is why we exist as a human race and is what sets us apart as humans. Anything less than showing love means we are being less of a human.
Showing love to another being is a combination of showing respect, honor, deference, empathy, care, compassion, passion, intimacy in thought, deed, and words, understanding, and self-control of less than loving attitudes, thoughts and actions. Self-control often needs to be consciously practiced with intention.
We humans are intricately complex beings capable of interpreting or reinterpreting our basis of existence in how we identify ourselves within the larger context of our world. Showing love means being accepting, supportive, and encouraging to others who may be considering or who have concluded that natural gender assignment my not be correct for themselves and chose to live differently than we might expect.
Love is all powerful. As humans we have the ability to love and show our love to many beings and in the energy of the Universe, this love is felt whether we consciously realize it or not. Oft the energy of love is returned to us as is the reverse when we do not show love. Love opens up many new avenues of energy which provides the opportunity for unlimited fulfillment both in this world and the world of energy beyond.
Showing unconditional, non-judgmental, acceptance, and honest love to all beings of our world is our mission to make our world a better place.
By Kendra Holliday | January 18, 2018
My friend has been 30+ days sober, and he’s been drinking a lot of tea. So have I!
So he asked if I wanted to join him for tea at the London Tea Room sometime, and I said YES, I would love to, but how about if he came over to my place for tea, and I would serve him tea topless?
He said he has never had tea served that way before, and thought it was a grand idea!
I figured this would be a good precursor to my London trip in March. 😉
When he came over, I greeted him at the door wearing this:
(Spoiler alert: he did not cover me with his cum. He covered himself with his cum. With my help.)
I took off the shirt to reveal this cute lingerie
By Kendra Holliday | January 13, 2018
Listen to him explain why it is a bad idea to:
- Send unsolicited cock shots
David is a local sex educator and one of the co-founders of Sex Positive St Louis, a not-for-profit organization we founded in 2010 in order to create safe spaces for people to explore their sexuality in a positive, constructive, shame-free zone. There should be an org like this in EVERY city!
We usually host about four events a month, and I have a few in the queue to create. Stay tuned for talks on asexuality, dating, and polyamory! Check our calendar for updates.