Being Resilient

By Kendra Holliday | December 10, 2017

Oh, the shame! 🙂

We all experience trauma at some point in our lives.

Our reactions can be

Fight

Flight

Freeze

and I propose a fourth –

Freak the Fuck OUT

When I feel threatened, I don’t usually fight. I usually run away or freeze. But I find that when I allow myself to FREAK THE FUCK OUT, I can recover more successfully.

For instance, if someone gets in a car accident and is in shock and gets rushed to the hospital, the medical staff will sedate the patient, which is numbing. The patient is not allowed to work through the trauma – it gets stuck.

I think when something bad happens to you, you should be allowed to freak the fuck out, or wallow in grief for a while. But then you have to make a conscious effort to Move Forward.

Being happy and healthy requires resilience.

A victim is someone who allows their past to dictate their current actions.

A survivor is someone who uses their past as a stepping stone to being stronger.

This mentality reminds me of addiction. As I’ve struggled this year with my drinking, I’ve studied many teachings, including Alcoholics Anonymous, and Moderation Management.

I was going down the AA path because I felt helpless and out of control – like a child. AA corroborated with that, espousing that alcoholics are powerless against alcohol. You have to surrender and give yourself up to a Higher Power in order to find your salvation.

I bought into that until I started reading the book Responsible Drinking. It offered a practical, shame free approach to a healthy relationship with alcohol. The part that shifted my entire lens is when they talked about the power of belief.

It’s not easy to change our beliefs and the habits that have evolved over many years. First we need that inkling. An inkling that all is NOT as it should be. Work your way through “I want to change” to “I can change” to “I’m changing now.”

I gave myself permission to be empowered. I leveled up in my personal growth process. It feels good.

Another thing I’ve taught myself is processing negative experiences quickly.

I think blogging and putting myself out there helped with this.

Years ago, if I got a nasty comment on my blog, it would sting, and it would haunt me all day.

Over time, I got used to it, and was able to process it quicker. So all day turned into all morning, then a couple hours, then an hour… nowadays, I still feel the sting, but I can move past it in about 15 minutes. That’s SO much more efficient!

Facing shame is also healthy. Anytime I have an experience and think, “I don’t want anyone to know about that!” I realize that I need to blog about it so that EVERYONE knows about it. Bringing it to the surface is so much healthier for me than burying it.

Like everyone else, I feel shame, but I process it faster than most people, I think.

I can be tender, but I have pretty thick skin!

My friend commented, “You don’t SEEM like you have thick skin. You’re soft and tender with people. I know you are tough like whoa, but I love that you aren’t hard on people. It’s a gift.”

Another superpower is being forgiving. Forgiveness lightens your emotional baggage load. So often, our parents intentionally and unintentionally hurt us when we are children. Those experiences shape us as adults. Forgiving them of their flaws and mistakes is a huge gift to everyone involved.

Paul Gilmartin of the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast always says, “All feelings are valid, there are just healthy and unhealthy ways of expressing it.”

Don’t bury or suppress your feelings. Find safe spaces to bring them to light and address all the fascinating layers that make you the person you are.

Kendra Holliday, Sex-Positive Activist

 

I’m Going Places!

By Kendra Holliday | December 5, 2017

One of my goals is to get out of St Louis once a month for a change of scenery.

In 2017, I went to Iceland, New York, Kansas City, Indiana, Virginia, Rhode Island, Florida – and I even went crazy a few times! I’m so glad I finally got my mid-life crisis under control, PHEW!

Next up on my itinerary is a National Sex Ed Conference in New Jersey Dec 5-10 – I get to see Dr Ruth and Dr Elders in real life!

2018 is shaping up nicely – for our 10th cabinversary, we’re trying out a new cabin! It doesn’t have a hot tub, but it does have a wood burning fireplace, which is KEY.

We disappear here.

I’ll be hitting KC again in Feb, and in March I’ll be presenting at Eroticon in LONDON!

Eroticon 2018 in London!

It’s great timing, because the Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2017 was just announced, and I’m #9 on the list!

My presentation is called Shocking the System: When Your True Life Tales Cross the Line.

Showing off my kinky bitch look

By the time I’m finished telling my tales, people will either love me or hate me!

The Task Master

By Kendra Holliday | December 4, 2017

Sometimes, my partner Matthew stops by my place for lunch. And by lunch, I mean eating my pussy and fucking the shit out of me.

I’ll be right in the middle of my day, getting shit done and on a roll, and then he picks me up and shakes me like a snow globe

My life as a snowglobe

I inevitably curl up in the soft blankies, all disheveled and exhausted and ready for a nap!

Obviously, it’s not good for me to be a lazy bitch. 🙁

The last time we had a power nooner, he stood up and dressed, and I did my usual “Lady of Leisure” routine of pulling the covers up over me.

“Oh no you don’t,” he said, tucking his shirt in and buckling his belt. “You’re getting up with me this time. You have to go to the store, so you’re leaving with me.”

Photo by Mike Estes of me impersonating Aileen Wuornos

I whined, I fussed, but he dragged me out of bed (literally – by the ankle) and I stumbled to the bathroom to check the damage.

Oh my fucking god, I looked like Aileen Wuornos.

I started brushing my hair and touching up my makeup, but he came up behind me and announced, “You have four minutes, and then you’re going out the door. It’s up to you on whether you’re wearing pants or not.”

CRAP! Fucking Task Master. It was COLD out, so I scrambled for my clothes and threw them on. I slipped back into the bathroom to make myself more presentable –

“Two minutes.”

UGH! I grabbed my phone, my bag, tried distracting him with aimless chatter…

“Out the door. Now.”

“Let me grab my keys!” I protested.

And then we were out in the harsh light of day.

“There,” he said, kissing me on the forehead, “Now go be productive, My Love.”

I hope I got the pecker tracks off my cheek!

Reflecting

By Kendra Holliday | December 3, 2017

I haven’t hosted a TBK play party in MONTHS. 🙁 I can’t find the right venue within 45 minutes of St Louis! It has to be classy and spacious. If you have any suggestions, please let me know! (Psst I have found a great space for a Doctor/Nurse medical theme play party. Drop me a line if that is something you’d be interested in!)

In the meantime, my not-for-profit org Sex Positive St Louis is having its annual FLESHTIVUS event Dec 15.  Here are details (you need to be a member of our Meetup group in order to view them). This is not a play party; it’s a clothing optional holiday party.

Fleshtivus! With David Wraith

Besides that, I’ll be at Shameless Grounds TODAY, Dec 3, leading a Dating Safety talk at 2pm. These are our last events of the year. I have to admit, I’m getting frustrated with hosting events. We’ve organized over 700 since we kicked things off in 2010, and we have more than 3,500 members!

We rock!!!

But attendance is down. Last month, we paid big bucks to bring in national speaker Ericka Hart, and only about 30 people came! I think we’re in a bad cycle – folks take for granted that we are here, so they don’t show up, and then we get discouraged and don’t feel inclined to organize more events. As you know, it takes a lot of time and energy. On top of that, as soon as I do bite the bullet and announce a new event, I cringe because I know several people won’t bother reading the instructions and will email me asking questions, which creates more work…

C’mon now.

As you can see from this tweet, I’m not alone here (click to view images)…

The same sentiment can be said for Shameless Grounds – we’re SO LUCKY to have a sex-positive coffee shop in St Louis, but they are struggling. If you want access to great things, you have to support them. Otherwise, they will shrivel up and die on the vine.

Where is the passion?? I’m feeling burnout…

As I sit around and ponder my local dilemma, I have my sights set on other endeavors – I’m going places!

South American Hunter

By Kendra Holliday | December 3, 2017

I knew this sexy 25 year old from out and about. I had chatted him up a few times very casually. I could tell he was a sexual person – he radiated vibrant energy like Ra the Sun God.

Intrigued, I sent him a message and dropped the C Bomb on him.

You know, the fact that I’m a cougar.

Cougar, By Saguaro National Park – Flickr, CC BY 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=31282822

His response? Instantly plugged in.

He knew the game. He responded:

I will be like a South American hunter casting his bow aside to commune with the big cats of the jungle…

I wrote him back:

Well I’d hang on to your spear if I was you – I have claws, you know. 😉

We made plans to rendezvous at his place one night. I told him I didn’t want to talk beforehand, I just wanted to get down to business, and then talk later. He was down with that – he told me he would take me at the door.

I hadn’t seen his face in months, but I was certain he’d be an amazing lover.

I turned on to his street, and the butterflies started flitting in my tummy.

I knocked on his door, and he opened it. I entered. I felt a little shy. I turned away from him and dropped my purse, and he embraced me from behind and started kissing my neck. We had never touched before.

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How Many Bodies Have You Had?

By Kendra Holliday | November 22, 2017

We all get one body as the vessel that carries us through life.

We can take care of our bodies, or we can abuse our bodies.

I take care of my body by walking daily. On the days my schedule allows, I take a dawn walk, a day walk, and a dusk walk. Sometimes, I take a dark walk, which always feels risky.

I abuse my body by putting poison in it – sugar, processed food… don’t you wish we could hook ourselves up to a machine every night and remove all the bad stuff we put into our bodies that day? ha!

Our one body goes through so many phases!

This is my baby body (are the photos small for you? Click on them to enlarge)

My birthday suit, aka my first nude photoshoot

This is my pregnant body

Me at 27, 39 weeks pregnant

This is my body in 2010

Me in 2010, photo by Stan Strembicki

This is me in 2017

Me in 2017. Photo by Stan Strembicki

I didn’t mean to take the photos for comparison, otherwise I would have used the same lighting. I just noticed the similar pose, and the striking contrast.

One of the exercises I do in my surrogate sessions is Body Show And Tell. From head to toe, we take turns giving a body tour. We talk about our hair, our freckles, scars, tattoos, what parts of our bodies we like and don’t like.

It’s odd and liberating! It’s fun taking inventory our what we have. Take a moment to be thankful for your body, and do something nice for it this week!

My Top Sex-Positive Recommendations

By Kendra Holliday | November 21, 2017

Kendra Holliday will help you work the kinks out!

I offer sex and relationship consulting, and I’m happy to say that I’ve been getting more women, LGBT folks, and couples these days. Historically, most of the people who have sought me out for my unique services have been men who crave female energy.

The Top 5 reasons why people contact me are, in this order:

1. He’s a married man in his 50’s or 60’s whose wife is not interested in sex (mismatched libido)

2. He/she/they have some sort of sexual issue they want to work through, such as inexperience, anxiety, or orgasm/penis problems (Erectile Dysfunction is a common complaint – it can get complex when you heap social conditioning and anxiety on top of the natural aging process.)

3. He/she/they are interested in branching out sexually, either because they are in transition, not getting laid, or curious about alternative lifestyle options (non-monogamy, BDSM, sex work, etc.)

4. He has a fetish and is ashamed/seeking an outlet

5. They want to meet me, and possibly rub me for good luck

———

My goal is to offer tools, connections, and non-traditional options so that the people seeking me out can reach their goal of becoming happier and healthier. My approach is unconventional, and I get referrals from licensed sex therapists. I’m pretty well connected and have a strong network. Sex is my specialty, which ties into work, family, personal – everything!

Here is a list of resources I most often recommend to my clients:

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Turning Lemons into Lemonade

By Kendra Holliday | November 4, 2017

I was all set to try something new – hire a sex worker for my partner Matthew and me! I’ve been hired countless times myself, but it’s rare I’m on the other side of the equation. Bonus points: My sex worker friend is very different than me. I LOVE contrast! She’s dark, exotic, tall, leggy, busty – and lactates! Mmmm!

I sent her thoughts on what I was envisioning:

90 min session, with about 30 min just talking on the couch connecting, then going to the bedroom and undressing/kissing. You would be center of attention, sweet sensual worship vibe. I’m bi and we’re both very attracted to you. Matthew likes experiencing female energy, exploring a new body, touching and kissing, he loves oral, giving and receiving, but if you don’t want to do oral on him, that’s totally fine. I will definitely go down on him! 🙂 He would like to go down on you if that’s ok. I might sit back and watch, I get great pleasure watching. It would be super hot if he was having sex with me while kissing you. But if we all end up lying around and you being in the middle for a bit, then him being in the middle and us both kissing on him as he gets a handjob…. that is what we are thinking.

She loved the idea!

Photo by Stan Strembicki

We set a date and time. I was so excited to treat her the way I wish to be treated as a sex worker – regard her as an esteemed guest, like a queen, appreciate her rare gifts.

I prepared an envelope with cash – and a tip! – to present her when she arrived, so I wouldn’t forget at the end.

And then, 5 hours before the appointment, she canceled due to illness.

I was SOOOO bummed! Sigh. The more people involved, the harder it is to turn a fantasy into a reality.

But instead of pouting and watching a movie, I came up with Plan B. I was in the mood for something special and super hot!

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Beaver Cleaver

By Kendra Holliday | November 3, 2017

Thanks to a wildly creative partner, I have a really exciting sex life.

Going under the knife

Going under the knife

Whenever any of my lingerie or stockings gets to the point where it has holes, snags, runs, we like sending it off with a bang. Most of the time, he rips it off of me before having his way with me, but this time, he opted for a little bladeplay.

It was a quiet evening in. My hair was mussed, no makeup, was feeling very submissive and mellow.

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How to Receive Head: 3 Simple Suggestions

By Matthew | November 1, 2017

There are a great many resources on giving oral sex. From videos and articles, books and blog posts, one can find all kinds of information on how to give great blowjobs and eat some fierce pussy. But what about being skilled at receiving it?

Huh? Yes, you read that right.

Oral sex should satisfy both the giver and receiver at the same time, albeit not necessarily in the same way, but satisfying nonetheless. In order to make that happen, the receiver needs to be as active, at least mentally, as the giver. You have to find out what your partner likes. How? Here are some thoughts from my partner, Matthew…

You deserve oral worship.

1. Be Assertive

This is a big one. Don’t be afraid talk to your partner. This may take some getting used to for both of you. Some people find it embarrassing or “not right” to talk about sex openly, let alone talk while having it. Tell your partner what you like about what they are doing. Let them know they are making you feel good! “That feels amazing!” or “Yes!!  Right there!” are great places to start.

You can also fantasize with your partner through speech. If you know about a particular fantasy your partner has, or you have one of your own, try acting that out. Maybe she is your secretary or co-worker. Maybe he is that young stud you’ve been wanting to have your way with for a while. Roleplaying and fantasy are great ways to live out desires without the possible repercussions of actually doing them. The possibilities are endless, but you’ll never know any of them until you try.

Lastly, but certainly not in the least, if and when you have an orgasm, in the name of all that is good; vocalize it. “Yesssss!!!”  “I’m Cumming!!!” “Holy Fucking Shit!” or whatever comes out. (On the subject of whatever comes out: Men – do not surprise your partner with a mouthful of cum. You must let them know you are about to release so they can control where it goes. Unless of course you’ve talked about it and know what your partner prefers.)

2. Be Active

This can happen in numerous ways. Of course you shouldn’t immediately jam your dick down their throat or suffocate them with your grinding pussy. Start with a slight push toward them. Pay attention to their reaction or ask them if they like that. If they do, then you can push or grind a bit more. You’ll eventually find a comfortable amount for both of you. Keep in mind, everyone is different in their preferences. Some people like their face smothered or their mouth fucked hard and they get great pleasure from it.

Try touching their head, shoulder, cheeks, or hair in different ways. Remember always start lightly and move to more intense sensations. If you find your partner enjoys their hair gripped and head controlled, do it. If you find your partner likes his face ground into and thighs clinched around his cheeks, do it. It will make is more pleasurable for them.

3. Be Adaptive

Don’t get get stuck receiving oral in the same place, at the same time, in the same way, for the same reason. Try new positions like standing or lying on your side. Different environments can offer amazing amounts of excitement. Of course you need to be very mindful of some environments (i.e. elevators, cars, public bathrooms, dressing rooms, parking garages, wooded areas, etc.), but great pleasure can be realized from short sessions of oral sex. It doesn’t always have to be done to orgasmic completion. After all, foreplay and build up are great pleasure paths.

Certainly this list of thoughts and suggestions is just that. Everyone is different and derives pleasure in different ways. However, not many people want to feel like what they are doing is not appreciated. If you keep that in mind, you can come up with many more ways to make oral sex an even more amazing part of your life.

Now, go forth, and receive head.

What are your oral sex tips?

 

Breasts Breasts Breasts Breasts

By Kendra Holliday | October 21, 2017

Enter my sacred temple

Enter my sacred temple

You guys! Guess what I’m giving myself for my 44th birthday?

My FIRST MAMMOGRAM! Thank goodness my health insurance will cover it under preventive care. They have no idea how amazing they are! 🙂

In celebration, I’m reposting this ode to breasts. ENJOY! …………..

I’ve FINALLY figured out what makes female breasts/nipples so awed and feared!

You know I’ve been struggling with this Topless Inequality quandary for years – remember the Obscene Nipple Game?

A married man told me that seeing his wife’s breasts is always exciting – it never gets old. “Every time I see them, it’s like it’s the first time. It’s refreshing and invigorating.”

I notice with amusement how predictable my clients are – as soon as my bra comes off, they lean down and suck on each nipple, like an automatic, erotic handshake. They simply HAVE to touch and fondle them.

But then get this – the other day I had a date with my girlfriend, and when she took off her shirt, I was compelled to do the exact same thing! I just wanted to grab them! But I didn’t – I was a respectful lady. And that reaction is even with me having breasts myself!

Breasts are like warm, glowing light bulbs, and we are mere moths. Supposedly, moths are drawn to light because of some ancient connection to the moon, which is a feminine symbol.

Alunapull…

Sooo here’s the deal – the reason female breasts and nipples are so awed and feared is because

THEY ARE MAGIC.

That’s it. They are a source of creation and life-giving. They symbolize Mother Earth – they are the opposite of destruction. And while most people revere and respect life force and see it as a positive thing, some people find it overwhelming and confusing, which can be scary. The more we can be in touch with our feelings, the healthier we can process the mysterious world around us.

I breastfed my daughter for a year, and am so proud how I provided her only food source for months, and how she thrived and grew – it’s so magical and empowering!

In honor of this realization, I’m hosting a Topless Tarot event later this week, for women only. We’ll sit around in my warm and cozy fairy cottage and connect and bond over candlelight, cards, gems, and runes. We’ll be surrounded by breasts and loving female energy! Our cups runneth over!

I went back into my blog archives and pulled random breast photos – I just love them so much, and am happy to have them. I’m glad to share them with you, on my own terms. Thank you for your respectful worship and appreciation!

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A Session With All the Bells and Whistles… and Cleanup

By Kendra Holliday | October 7, 2017

In addition to offering surrogate sessions, I also entertain fetish exploration (and anything else I feel like!)

Often, a session only involves a condom and lube. Easy cleanup!

On more rare occasions, a session involves A LOT of cleanup. HA!

This week I had one of those… messy sessions. I affectionately refer to my extreme fetish clients as “pervs” or “sluts”. At first, they feel self-conscious about it, but over time, they realize my playground for perverts is safe, and they have fun with it.

Don’t get me wrong – I looove easy sessions that involve sensuality and TLC, but the freak sessions are pretty fun. I like creative sexuality and mixing it up! When I say, “Let your freak flag fly,” I mean it!!!

Here is a (dirty) laundry list of what we did in 90 minutes:

  • Two days ago, I put him in a cock cage and sent him on his way to stew in his own juices.
  • That means he had two days of foreplay. Wearing the cock cage puts him in a completely submissive state of mind. He’s like a whimpering, horned up puppy who wants to do anything for me.
  • He arrived in his boring street clothes. I made him change into a turquoise bikini and hot pink dog collar. Cage remains on.
  • I make him lick my pussy until I cum LOUD. He’s well trained to know what I like, right down to proper tongue strokes – we’ve been seeing each other for about two years!
  • Satisfied, I pull down his bikini bottoms and slap his caged cock around. I affix a few clothes pins to his balls.
  • I bend him over the bed, condom up a vibrating dildo and fuck him with it. He whimpers and wiggles like a little bitch.
  • I take him down to the dungeon and make him my toilet. I have a brilliant contraption another client designed (he needs to market this!) It’s a commode with a cut out space for a head to fit in. It is my Throne. I place him on the concrete floor with his head in the opening. Then, I sit on the toilet seat, my powerful pussy positioned above his trapped head. I piss into his eager mouth, and he drinks my piss. Gulp. Gulp. Gulp… he will do anything for me.
  • I make him shower and mouthwash.
  • We go back to the bedroom and I FINALLY uncage him. Slowly.
  • Liberated, he springs into action and begs to fuck me. I allow him to be a man. I put a condom on his free ranging dick and he fucks me. He loves my pussy. He is swimming in subspace and female energy.
  • I stop him and insist he masturbate into the condom. I drizzle lube on him as he frantically jerks off. As I pinch his nipples and stroke his balls, I whisper filthy things in his ear that involve other men, gang bangs, dogs… he’s a cunt licker. He’s a piss drinker. He’s a cocksucker. He’s my whore. I put him on display for everyone to use however they want, like an interactive art display. I have him by the balls.
  • He’s breathing like a steam engine and has an explosive orgasm in the condom. I inform him he is now a cum licker. I carefully peel off the sopping condom and squeeze the contents into his mouth. He greedily sucks it up and down and all around. I clamp a hand over his mouth and order him to swallow. Of course he does. He will do anything for me.

Before he left, he offered me a tip, which I graciously accepted. “It’s like a cleaning bill.”

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My Penis and Everyone Else’s

By Kendra Holliday | September 26, 2017

We’re all inundated with spam like this:

“Want to be well hung, with a thick, muscular tool? Now you can”

“She gives me head EVERY night now that I have such a large pecker”

“The trophy can now be in your pants”

and my personal favorite:

“For anyone who has ever wished upon a star for a bigger dick, here is the answer.”

I love imagining some guy sitting there wishing on a star, but not for a pony like most people, but for the pony’s DICK.

I have to admit, I’ve only been with one micropenis in my life, and it was a shock. I think it would have gone over better had the guy said something to me ahead of time and not let me discover it on my own. Man was that awkward.

There’s a great documentary on the subject of penis size that was on BBC as part of a body image series. It’s called My Penis and Everyone Else’s.

The narrator of the film, Lawrence Barraclough, had to work hard at getting in to men’s pants and persuading them to let it all hang out. Granted some of his ideas are a little in-your-face, like when he walks around crowded streets wearing a sandwich board that proclaims loudly, “I WANT TO TALK ABOUT PENISES.”

At first Barraclough could only delve into the topic by speaking with experts and visiting sites online like measurection.com, a resource that focuses on penis insecurities. He also visits a sex toy factory that sells products such as “The Stallion Pump” and herbal enlargement pills. (Note: none of this stuff works.)

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It’s Called “Polyamory”

By Kendra Holliday | September 8, 2017

It’s Called Polyamory, by Tamara Pincus and Rebecca Hiles (Thorntree Press)

There’s a new non-monogamy book coming out October 6, and guess what? I wrote the Foreword!

It’s Called “Polyamory”: Coming Out About Your Nonmonogamous Relationships, by Tamara Pincus and Rebecca Hiles (Thorntree Press).

Below is my Foreword. You can pre-order the book now.

………

The year I came out was one of the most challenging in my life.

I was a divorced, white, bisexual cisgender woman who shared custody with my ex-husband. It was 2010 in St Louis, MO, the belt buckle of the bible belt. My daughter was 10. I owned my own home in a quiet suburban neighborhood. I had just gotten a new job at a non-profit organization.

I thought I had the best of both worlds – by day I was a dutiful employee with good posture, proper grammar, and dressed from head to toe in layers of conservative clothes. By night, I was a live nude sex blogger, anonymously documenting my polyamorous life, never putting my face or name to the blog that’s motto was: “Be open and honest.”

2010, the year I came out. Photo by Jennifer Silverberg for the RFT

I was already out to my partners and daughter, but not to my family and the community.

Through a technology glitch that connected my identity to my blog, my employer discovered my online musings, and it inflamed them. The top blog post at the time featured a threesome story with our girlfriend.

When they fired me, it was swift and severe. I hadn’t even had a chance to take off my coat when I walked into the office before the boss summoned me, her face a mask of fury.

Alarmed, I followed her to the room, where she closed the door and turned on me, icy eyes ablaze.

April 27, 2010 was the last time I was successfully slut shamed.

“WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?” she hissed. “You’re acting like a 14 year old!”

I left the building, cheeks flushed, heart racing, completely stunned and cut loose. In an instant, I went from being a model employee to a monster.

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“What About Your Daughter?”

By Kendra Holliday | September 2, 2017

The first page of the Hustler article.
Photo by Connie LaFlam

I received this thoughtful letter in 2011, when my daughter was 11:

“Dear Kendra,

I just read your story that was in the latest Hustler.

We probably are in agreement 100% on most topics.

I personally feel that people are too uptight about sex and nudity in general and that if public nudity was allowed- everybody would worry a lot more about their health and appearance. Nudity would be the ‘norm’ instead of something ‘dirty’.

My personal opinion about sex– ‘So what?’ if you are not hurting anyone with your actions and everyone involved is consenting….have fun!

I don’t know how to ask this without it sounding mean and I don’t want it to come off that way.

My questions are these: I’m wondering what you think about your actions having such a negative affect on your daughter?

How are you handling this with her?

What do you tell her?

I’m just wondering, no offense intended.

Sincerely,

Cave Man”

Here is what I wrote back:

Dear Cave,

Thanks so much for thinking about my story and dropping me a line. I’m glad to hear we agree that sex and nudity are natural and nothing to be ashamed of. That is exactly what I am teaching my daughter.

She is learning about sexuality and nudity in a sex-positive, age appropriate manner. Therefore, she has a healthier attitude about sex at age 11 than the average American adult. She knows I am a sex-positive activist and supports my mission. She knows about my website, but she does not read it. She is not yet interested in sex.

It is my goal that by the time she is a legal adult, she can talk about her sexuality openly and honestly, without having to hide behind an alias like I did for many years. I’m proud to say I have taken many lumps, but it was worth it, because I can talk about sex and put my real name and face to it. It’s very liberating being able to be myself with my daughter, parents, family and partner. I want everyone to enjoy that level of freedom!

I think the U.S. is making great progress; I look forward to seeing how the sex-positive movement continues to unfold.

Sincerely,
Kendra Holliday

Then he wrote me back with:

“You’re such a smart lady! My wife and I support your efforts!”

which made me really happy.

2017 Update: My daughter is now 17. She is still not interested in sex, but is very sex-positive. We’ve been interviewed on a couple podcasts together – take a listen! I made the right choice to be open and honest with her, and myself. 🙂

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Today I had ladies over for tea while @davidwraith organized my shoes, mopped my kitchen floor, & shelled my nuts.… https://t.co/EgzfhgFwUD

TBK365

Just listened! Thanks a lot 😖 https://t.co/lfhngJg4WZ

TBK365

The Midwest has so much horny. Represent! https://t.co/ktZZGvE2SL

TBK365

A lover gave me a Victoria’s Secret gc! I doubt I will look as American Beauty, but I ordered this. 😻 https://t.co/xl1ZRvNIsQ