My Top Sex-Positive Recommendations

By Kendra Holliday | February 23, 2018

Kendra Holliday will help you work the kinks out!

I offer sex and relationship consulting, and I’m happy to say that I’ve been getting more women, LGBT folks, and couples these days. Historically, most of the people who have sought me out for my unique services have been men who crave female energy.

The Top 5 reasons why people contact me are, in this order:

1. He’s a married man in his 50’s or 60’s whose wife is not interested in sex (mismatched libido)

2. He/she/they have some sort of sexual issue they want to work through, such as inexperience, anxiety, or orgasm/penis problems (Erectile Dysfunction is a common complaint – it can get complex when you heap social conditioning and anxiety on top of the natural aging process.)

3. He/she/they are interested in branching out sexually, either because they are in transition, not getting laid, or curious about alternative lifestyle options (non-monogamy, BDSM, sex work, etc.)

4. He has a fetish and is ashamed/seeking an outlet

5. They want to meet me, and possibly rub me for good luck

———

My goal is to offer tools, connections, and non-traditional options so that the people seeking me out can reach their goal of becoming happier and healthier. My approach is unconventional, and I get referrals from licensed sex therapists. I’m pretty well connected and have a strong network. Sex is my specialty, which ties into work, family, personal – everything!

Here is a list of resources I most often recommend to my clients:

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A Gun to My Head

By Kendra Holliday | February 17, 2018

Ed Note: This post was written in 2009. It is the only post I have ever published that was untrue, in that I combined two scenes into one story – one involving rape fantasy in a parking garage, the other being gunplay in my home. Boy, did I learn my lesson with this one. Readers were OUTRAGED we would roleplay something so deadly in public…and it was the same day my partner’s ex discovered my blog. Yikes. I put him in a very compromising position. I’m reposting this as a reference to a slideshow presentation I’m giving in London next month. It’s called “Shocking the System: When Your True Life Tales Cross the Line. It will be previewed at Shameless Grounds on March 3, at 3pm. Come and see for yourself.

Matthew was using his dad’s vehicle for the week, which means he had access to a handgun and a gleaming, ostentatious SUV.

Just add Republican.

He’s forever challenging me, and this adventure was no exception. For the record, I am a hippie and vehemently opposed to guns and SUVs. I SUPER HATE guns. They scare the shit out of me.

After lunch, we walked back to the SUV that was parked in the dark, dingy parking garage. Lunch was like foreplay, I was SO ready to rock the truck. Plus, I hadn’t fucked in an SUV since 2007.

God bless America

But of course Matthew had to add his own creative twist. He opened the passenger door for me like the gentleman he is, but then – surprise! – he leaned in and grabbed an *unloaded* handgun out from under the seat. He pointed it at my head and shoved me to my knees. WTF?!?! Heart pounding, I knelt on the dirty concrete as he pulled out his already hard cock and told me to suck it.

The cold metal pressed against my skull as he used my face. I looked up at him, wide eyed, completely freaked out. He looked down at me grimly. No one was around.

Then he pulled his cock out of my mouth and I clamped shut. He brought the gun to my lips.

“Open.”

I shook my head vigorously.

He grabbed me by the jaw and squeezed hard. “OPEN.” he hissed.

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Why I Have Sensitive Nipples

By Kendra Holliday | February 11, 2018

Me, years ago

When I was 19, I was a stripper.

My job was to get really close to men and arouse them. Their job was not to touch my breasts or genital area.

I did my job well, but they often tried sneaking a feel of the forbidden areas.

Sometimes they touched and I was badly surprised, and other times I could see them creeping toward the breasts, and I would tense up and cringe and try and deflect their fingers.

For nine months, I had hundreds of men grab my breasts and tweak/pinch my nipples without my consent.

When I finally quit there, my breasts were so traumatized that they couldn’t be touched for three years. If they were, it felt like an electrical shock.

Breastfeeding

Over time, I got a little better, but my breasts were still very sensitive and had to be handled with utmost care.

Then, when I was 27, I gave birth and breastfed for a year. I was SOO dreading breastfeeding, but was determined to do it for a year. My breasts swelled from A’s to D’s – they were swollen and engorged, with blue veins like highways.

The first six weeks were hell – it hurt so bad. My nipples were raw, red, chafed. Then I started getting used to all the latching, and tugging and pressure, but then I got a series of breast infections – mastitis, thrush, then mastitis again. Red, plugged ducts, feverish, itching, sharp, needle-like pain…

My breasts got brutalized!

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A Priceless PSA from Joan Price

By Kendra Holliday | February 11, 2018

My friend Joan Price is an ageless sexuality educator, and she has a free webinar on safer sex for seniors. Here it is – I queued it up to my favorite part. Please watch it for 20 seconds, then feel free to watch all of it. 🙂

Barbara Carrellas’ Ecstasy is Necessary

By Kendra Holliday | February 8, 2018

Book cover art

Barbara Carrellas has written a book called Ecstasy is Necessary: A Practical Guide.

This topic matches my life philosophy perfectly, which is:

As long as you take care of your duties and obligations and are not hurting anyone, you can have as much fun and pleasure as you want.

Simple enough, right?

Barbara’s book is about sex, but it’s so much MORE than sex – like I always say, our sexuality is connected with everything else in our lives. If we can address our sexuality without fear or shame, it frees us up to enjoy other aspects of our lives more fully.

Barbara Carrellas is a little woo woo,
and I’m OK with that

Barbara shares so many of the messages I spout, but she does so in such a loving, compassionate, patient manner. She does an excellent job explaining concepts that might be unfamiliar to the reader.

Therefore, it would greatly behoove you to read this book, as it will clarify and reinforce many truths about sex in a way that will make you feel safe and empowered.

For instance, she teaches the Something More Factor. No matter where you are when it comes to your own orgasms, whether you’ve never had one or have more than one a day – you can enjoy Something More, if you desire. You can have more orgasms, longer orgasms, deeper orgasms – and orgasms are one ticket to ecstasy and bliss. Having an orgasm creates similar brain waves as meditation. (more…)

Old Relationship Energy

By Kendra Holliday | January 31, 2018

I love Gwenn Seemel’s “The Kiss” featuring bonobos so much better than Klimt’s version!

Do you know the term “New Relationship Energy“? It’s popular in polyamory circles, and describes that giddy infatuation feeling when you’re dating someone new. It’s like a drug!

My daughter is experiencing it now as she’s dating a new boy. They are so crazy about each other! It’s so nice to find someone who is your champion, someone who makes you feel emotionally supported and loved – someone who gets you, despite all your idiosyncrasies.

I’m about to head out for my 10th cabin getaway with my partner Matthew. As I sit and reflect on how crazy we still are about each other after all these years (a record for me!), I appreciate how our connection has evolved into Old Relationship Energy. (Read this great list of ways to keep the spark in your relationship. And if you’re more monogamous-minded, do check out Esther Perel’s work on how to sustain a happy and healthy marriage.)

I remember the first year or two we were together, we had to have sex at least twice a day. If we were lying in bed together, he would be hard. We would have threesomes and foursomes all the time. It’s not like that anymore, but we still feel passion, deep connection, and mad respect for each other. We don’t have sex as often as we used to, but it’s still realllllly good.

Here is how we have maintained a decade of great emotional and physical fulfillment, despite all the challenges we’ve faced:

  1. Ah, the bliss of connection!

    We chose not to live together or combine our families. We have our own space and don’t have to go to family therapy!

  2. We didn’t get married. Been there, done that!
  3. We keep our finances separate.
  4. We maintain independence and autonomy.
  5. We share many core values, but are two very different people with different interests, so while we do some things together, we have no problem traveling solo or supporting each other’s endeavors.
  6. The time we spend together is quality time. We carve out date nights and little adventures. Novelty is exciting!
  7. We realize that a healthy relationship is give and give. I’ll never forget how he took care of me during my times of need, and I’m always thinking of ways to reciprocate.
  8. We do relationship check-ins as needed.
  9. We allow each other freedom to be romantic and sexual with other people. Every time we experience another person’s energy, it gives us a libido boost.

So, basically, we’ve rejected all the typical trappings of a long term relationship that can cause stress and resentment to build. People used to ask us, “When are you getting serious?”

Maybe I should have replied, “When are you getting playful?”

It’s much more fun to think – and play – outside the cage!

“I Want to Please You”

By Kendra Holliday | January 27, 2018

Ready to party!

So many men are sick from toxic masculinity in our society. They have to be very manly, which involves taking care of business, being in charge, hiding feelings, and burying their feminine side.

They crave a place where they can surrender to a strong woman and be awash in female energy and power exchange.

Here’s a Dan Savage podcast where a man wants to know how to get his vanilla wife to like domming and pegging him. Go to the 8:35 mark and listen.

Dan points out that for some women, this can feel more like work than fun, so he suggests backing things up. For a woman not used to being sexually dominant, a good place for her to start is to think about what she wants right now and demanding it.

But what if what she wants right now is a cup of tea? Will that disappoint her partner? Will taking small steps like this lead them to a place where they both feel fulfillment?

I get a lot of men who tell me, “I want to please you.”

But then, when I tell them what I want, they steer things back to what THEY have in mind.

If you want me to peg you, piss on you, sit on your face, objectify you, humiliate you, that’s totally fine! You’re hiring me to perform a service, and I am happy to oblige. I have so much fun being creative sexually!

But don’t get it twisted. Are you doing this for you, or are you doing this for me?

Prepping for a session takes work, so not only are you paying for the time we are mentally and physically engaged, but you are paying for the hour before and after. I have to dress up in uncomfortable lingerie and heels and get into the right head space. I have to clean up afterward.

If you REALLY want to please me, here are some ideas:

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Axioms for Men in Today’s New World

By Kendra Holliday | January 27, 2018

This is a guest post by an older man who was raised traditional and conservative in a small town, but learned of the sex-positive community and discovered a different way of seeing things…

Aren’t gentlemen nice?

The “Me Too” era has exposed the callous acts of a privileged and entitled, male-dominated society in their suppression of women’s rights, equality, and, let’s face it, an attitude that women exist merely to SERVE men as those men see fit.

This does not indict ALL men, but there are vast number of men in our society that just do not GET IT.

Responsible men of this world should be the first to be in line to call it out as being WRONG.

At the same time, the “Me Too” movement is encouraging women to stand up, speak out, and be heard and not let the dominant and controlling men of this world get to operate in the hushed, wink and a nod, environment protected by each other simply because they exert economic and career power over women be it in the household, business, or academic settings; Nor let the powerful silence women by Non-Disclosure Settlements.

Axioms of Man —

Overlooking the valley at sunset

While starting with Women, I realize how universal these axioms are to all other life. I hold women in a special and sacred place in my heart.

I realize that I have no inherent entitlement to the attention of a woman, man or other human or even animal or plant beings on this planet.

Women do not exist to serve men. They are unique, sacred beings in their own right, with their own rights.

Marriage does not bind a woman to blindly obey her husband nor create his ownership of her. That is a myth perpetrated by patriarchs including religious zealots.

Sacred female energy is a gift, as is sacred male energy, to be lovingly shared without expectation of a return. When we eliminate expectations, the rest takes care of itself in ways you would not even have thought possible.

Giving and offering gifts free from expectations is a freedom of expression in love.

Love to our fellow brothers and sisters is why we exist as a human race and is what sets us apart as humans. Anything less than showing love means we are being less of a human.

Showing love to another being is a combination of showing respect, honor, deference, empathy, care, compassion, passion, intimacy in thought, deed, and words, understanding, and self-control of less than loving attitudes, thoughts and actions. Self-control often needs to be consciously practiced with intention.

We humans are intricately complex beings capable of interpreting or reinterpreting our basis of existence in how we identify ourselves within the larger context of our world. Showing love means being accepting, supportive, and encouraging to others who may be considering or who have concluded that natural gender assignment my not be correct for themselves and chose to live differently than we might expect.

Love is all powerful. As humans we have the ability to love and show our love to many beings and in the energy of the Universe, this love is felt whether we consciously realize it or not. Oft the energy of love is returned to us as is the reverse when we do not show love. Love opens up many new avenues of energy which provides the opportunity for unlimited fulfillment both in this world and the world of energy beyond.

Showing unconditional, non-judgmental, acceptance, and honest love to all beings of our world is our mission to make our world a better place.

Naughty Tea Time

By Kendra Holliday | January 18, 2018

My friend has been 30+ days sober, and he’s been drinking a lot of tea. So have I!

So he asked if I wanted to join him for tea at the London Tea Room sometime, and I said YES, I would love to, but how about if he came over to my place for tea, and I would serve him tea topless?

Tea hee!

Teatime ta tas!

He said he has never had tea served that way before, and thought it was a grand idea!

I figured this would be a good precursor to my London trip in March. 😉

When he came over, I greeted him at the door wearing this:

Do you take milk in your tea?

(Spoiler alert: he did not cover me with his cum. He covered himself with his cum. With my help.)

Sassy

I took off the shirt to reveal this cute lingerie

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3 Things Men Should Leave in 2017

By Kendra Holliday | January 13, 2018

My latest unsolicited cock shot experience was one of the things that inspired my dear brother from another mother, David Wraith, to shoot this excellent video:

Listen to him explain why it is a bad idea to:

    1. Send unsolicited cock shots
    2. Catcall
    3. Mansplain

David is a local sex educator and one of the co-founders of Sex Positive St Louis, a not-for-profit organization we founded in 2010 in order to create safe spaces for people to explore their sexuality in a positive, constructive, shame-free zone. There should be an org like this in EVERY city!

We usually host about four events a month, and I have a few in the queue to create. Stay tuned for talks on asexuality, dating, and polyamory! Check our calendar for updates.

Love Like an Ocean: Diving Deep into Polyamory

By Kendra Holliday | January 10, 2018

Like an ocean, love can be
expansive and fluid

Ed Note: This article was orginally published in July 2011 on BlogHer.

My partner and I have the perfect relationship. For us, anyway. We’ve been together for ten years. We’re not married, but are in a long-term relationship. We do not live together, preferring to keep our households, finances, and families separate. Autonomy suits us well.

To top it all off, we are polyamorous; meaning, our relationship is open, allowing us to experience intimate relationships with other people, such as dating, loving, and exploring sexually. Sometimes we do it together; other times, separately.

Sorry for bragging, but…

We don’t fight. We have amazing chemistry and enjoy an incredibly satisfying sex life. We have matching libidos and desire. We can’t get enough of each other. Our relationship is based on mutual worship and respect, and our number one rule when it comes to dating other people is they need to respect both of us.

Before I knew of polyamory, I thought I was defective and unfit to be in a relationship. After years of disappointing my partners, a series of men who enjoyed playing with the girlfriends I brought home, but freaked at the mere mention of another “sausage in the room,” I resigned myself to remaining single.

Then I met Matthew, who was recently divorced from his wife of ten years. What started out as a happy, traditional monogamous union with Matthew left his wife stifled and miserable. Determined not to repeat those same mistakes again, he took a leap and partnered with me, a renegade female who was in charge of her sexuality and knew what she wanted.

Honoring my atypical outlook on life, Matthew told me he would not hold me to a standard he was not willing to hold himself. So here we are four years later: a polyamorous couple in a sea of monogamy.

Our nation is one of serial monogamy. Polyamory applies the same concept of loving more than one person in a lifetime, the only difference being that these relationships overlap in the case of polyamory, because life is too short.

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How I REALLY Feel About Unsolicited Cock Shots

By Kendra Holliday | January 9, 2018

Here we go again. I thought all my friends, lovers and clients knew, but since I just got ANOTHER ONE… 😫

I do NOT like receiving unsolicited cock shots.

I don’t care if I’m a sex worker.

I don’t care if you got carried away.

I don’t care if I’ve played with your cock.

I don’t care if I’ve had it in my mouth.

I don’t care if you are someone I’ve been fucking with for years, or are brand new and exciting.

I don’t care if you are Barack Obama. (Note: My point is, he would NEVER do that. Anthony Weiner, however, WOULD.)

If you send me a cock shot, it’s like a slap in the face, an instant turn off, and an online assault, and I will fine you $50 and demand an apology if you ever want to interact with me again.

It’s all about comfort and context, people.

Wait, no…MEN.

I challenge you to comment if you’ve never sent a cock shot, or wish to publicly apologize for sending a cock shot. Or feel completely justified in sending a cock shot.

So, without further ado…

Wanna know the quickest way NOT to get under my skirt?

Think dealbreaker, hard limit, red flag, turn OFF.

OK, besides wearing ugly footwear or torturing small mammals.

Send me an unsolicited cock shot.

Is this what men imagine their cock shot looks like?

My dick is a GOD!

or this?

My dick is seriously BAD ASS.

or this?

My penis is all-powerful!

Guys. Here is what it really looks like:

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365 Fetishes!

By Kendra Holliday | December 30, 2017

One year on Twitter, I listed one of my fetishes every day.

Fetish: something that sexually charms you.

I went back and looked at the list and was turned on and amused!

Here is the list in its entirety – I replaced about ten of them. If I’ve featured one in a post, I will link it to that post.

Mmmm, I want them ALL! Do any themes jump out at you? It’s clear I’m into hair, booze, and incest!

What about you – how many things turn YOU on?

cuffed

cuffed

1. Hairy chest
2. Steel handcuffs
3. Having my lingerie ripped (panties, stockings, fishnets)
4. Fireplaces
5. Sideburns
6. Scars
7. Redheaded women
8. Pre-1968 Elvis

Mood lighting

Mood lighting

9. Reaction cologne
10. Impregnation
11. Sleeping Beauty
12. Fishnets
13. Feeling hard cock through jeans/pants
14. Incest Fantasies
15. Wit
16. Austria
17. Werewolves
18. My man’s cum inside my pussy
19. Librarians
20. Japanese Gardens
21. Cuckqueaning
22. Bruce Springsteen
23. Firetrucks
24. Bubble baths
25. Magic Wand
26. Limerence
27. Jewfros
28. Arched doorways
29. A REAL beard
30. Mood lighting
31. Castles
32. Professors
33. Long skirts
34. Trees
35. Victorian Homes
36. Flasks
37. Hairy underarms
38. Spanking
39. Scarves
40. Confidence
41. Classical music
42. Braids
43. V-Safe Men
44. Henna
45. Period films
46. Lumberjacks
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Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies

By Kendra Holliday | December 29, 2017

Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies, by Dr. Michael J. Bader

I’ve had the book Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies on my shelf for a long time. It tempted me with its mysterious title and sexy cover (I LOVE oysters, and I LOVE my pearl, if you know what I mean).

Well, I finally dusted it off and read it, and it blew my mind, and I’ve been recommending it to people left and right ever since.

Here’s an intro concept from it that should provoke your thoughts:

“There’s a joke that says that when two people have sex, there are six people in bed: the two lovers and the parents of each of them.”

Is that creepy, true, or both? I hope you’re imagining group sex with your parents right now.

A sampling of the MANY interesting points brought up in this book:

– “Sexual excitement requires that we momentarily become selfish. There needs to be a tension between selfishness and caring, between using and pleasing your partner.”

Do you know what this means? Sometimes, when it comes to sex, you need to be ruthless. You need to let go and stop worrying so much about every little move and just focus on the pleasure. YOUR pleasure.

– The difference between guilt and shame: “Guilt involves beliefs that we are hurting others, while shame involves beliefs that we’re exposed and unworthy in the eyes of others.”

– “When people are aggressive or cruel in their sexual daydreams or practices, it is not because they are primarily sadistic but because they are trying to solve a problem.”

– Have you ever known a woman who is really bitchy toward her male partner? He’s such a nice guy, he tries so hard to cater to her wants and needs, yet she treats him like an annoying puppy? This book explains the reason behind that lopsided dynamic.

– Survivor guilt and unconscious parental jealousy is behind a lot of the issues we face with our parents. Have you ever wondered why someone would start drinking heavily when they became successful in their field? Or why some parents sabotage their kids and excessively criticize instead of support them in their endeavors? This book goes into the details behind those perplexing behaviors, and much more.

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Planned Threesome

By Kendra Holliday | December 23, 2017

After our spontaneous threesome the other night, I was SO eager for the three of us to get together again! I’m so greedy! I want more more MORE!

Lana came over, and we sat on the back porch and talked over cocktails, relaxing and catching up.

After a while, he asked her if she was down to play that night, and she said yes!

I love her hazel eyes, her bountiful hair, and pert nose. I’m a sucker for pert noses! She has such animated facial expressions, and tells such funny stories. I love her mannerisms. Very mischievous eyes. Also, she has an extremely smooth butt. It’s like really cute butter.

This time, he drew a bubble bath for two! We both easily fit in the tub. He gave us our girl time to sit and talk. He checked in on us, brought us drinks, it was wonderful!

Then we sat on the couch for a while to cool down, the two of us naked with towels.

He led us up to the bedroom, which was bathed in the golden glow of a small, bedside lamp. The king-size bed was adorned with chocolate brown sheets. Mood music played softly in the background.

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A Gun to My Head

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