Ways I Get High

By Kendra Holliday | April 19, 2019

Oh, the shame! 🙂

Sometimes we should ask ourselves, “Is the choice I’m about to make going to make my situation better, or worse?” 🧐

The other day, I heard in a lecture I attended that 25% of the US population has drug addiction issues.

Does that surprise you, or not?

If what humans need is movement, freedom, connection with others and sharing resources in order to thrive, then no wonder so many of us are suffering. We’re stuck, isolated, and taught to be territorial/fearful.

As someone who has alcohol addiction, I am part of that 25%. My mom, who is a prescription drug addict, is as well.

Think about the people you know. How many of them use drugs? How many of them abuse drugs? Everything you ingest is a chemical, and can affect your brain and body.

Here is a list of ways I get high, now that I can’t drink alcohol anymore. (I do not think I have a personality that is prone to addiction, as alcohol is the only drug I’ve ever abused.)

Almost all of the ways I get high are legal where I live!

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My Sanity Plan

By Kendra Holliday | April 17, 2019

The past couple years, I’ve struggled with mental health issues.

Here is why:

  1. Menopause – I have severe symptoms. It’s like going through puberty again, ugh!
  2. Alcohol addiction – I was stress drinking, which was making things much worse.
  3. Genetics – my family is prone to mental illness.
  4. Life stressors – my aging parents, my daughter moved out, sensitivity to my client’s baggage and trauma.

I go through periods where I can’t function, and it SUCKS!

I’m glad to say I’ve been enjoying a few good weeks, phew! I made this video to show myself for when I am down again:

My therapist Dr. Diane Sanford wrote a book called Stress Less Live Better: 5 Simple Steps to Ease Anxiety, Worry, and Self-Criticism. In it, she speaks of the teachings of Buddha: “To end suffering, we must retrain our minds to be aware and allow whatever happens without trying to cling to pleasure or avoid pain.”

Ahhh, that’s interesting. I’m practically allergic to suffering, especially the suffering of others, so how can I cope with it better?

I created a Sanity Plan. My Sanity Plan is a living document I update or refer to whenever necessary. My friend Metta May has a similar setup – she calls it H.E.L.P. – Hoes Enjoyin’ Living Plan! Maybe something like it will help you, too. After all, most of us are dealing with our share of stress, and it can get overwhelming. We need all the balance we can get! Depression, anxiety, and addiction are ravaging our country – shit is WAY out of whack!

Here are the key components of my Sanity Plan:

I list the things that are causing me stress/bumming me out.

Next, I list some good ol’ gratitude. What are the good things in my life?

For instance, if I’m getting frustrated with catty women, I think about all the good women in my life.

Or if I’m annoyed with men who are a pain in the ass, I review all the good men I know.

I think about things to look forward to – I have a couple trips planned this year, to Colorado and Florida, yay!

I remember the causes I support – making a difference and giving back helps me feel better.

Then, I’ll review my list of tools for finding balance and feeling better.

My self-care list includes supplements I’m taking, books, podcasts, types of therapy, exercise, music, massage, LEGOs, my meditation app, and of course, SEX!

The good things in life can be small and simple. Here is an example:

It’s so nice to be feeling good right now! The better I feel, the more I can be of service to others.

What does YOUR Sanity Plan entail? If you’d like help creating one, you can book a consult with me. Or, we can just talk about sex, that’s always fun!

 

Why Creative Sex is Better Than Straight Sex

By Kendra Holliday | April 14, 2019

Let me school you on creative sex…

Years ago, I went to a swinger party with an ex. There were six women at the party, and we all had lots of fun. But, to my surprise, when we were driving home, my ex lamented, “I only got to be with four of the women there.”

Huh??

That’s right – he was dissatisfied with only getting to stick his penis in four of the women’s vaginas that night. He was keeping score!

I’ve noticed other times where I’ve played with a man, and we’ve gotten naked, shared pleasure, had oral, but he left disappointed because he didn’t get to do ALL THE THINGS, i.e., stick his penis in my vagina and have intercourse.

I have clients who spend time with me, and instead of basking in female energy and pleasure, they get bummed if they don’t have an encounter that involves them having an 8 inch penis that remains hard for 45 minutes and drilling me bareback in four different positions.

In other words, they feel let down that they aren’t having sex like they see in mainstream porn.

Meanwhile, I’m having amazing, abundant sex with my partner of 11 years that is leaving us both extremely happy and fulfilled.

The Key to Good Sex!

You want to know why?

Because we are having CREATIVE SEX. We aren’t having straight sex!

Straight sex is what you see in mainstream porn. It is male centered. It’s penis focused. It’s vigorous and aggressive. It’s filmed for camera angles, and based around the male orgasm. It’s objectifying. It’s GOAL ORIENTED, which can set the stage for unrealistic expectations and A LOT of anxiety. And anxiety is terrible for arousal!

The women in straight porn are often uncomfortable – from the fake eyelashes and bleached hair and garter belts and heels, to the pussy pounding and loud vocalization and money shot in the eye.

Creative sex, on the other hand, is more about pleasure, skinship, being in the moment. It is about savoring the experience.

Straight men crave intimacy and connection, but they seek it out in a rigid way that can set them up for disappointment and failure. Moreover, it can be off putting or dissatisfying to their partners.

Creative sex is more egalitarian, and allows for more pleasure and orgasms for all parties involved.

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Handcrafted Wooden Dildo

By Kendra Holliday | April 5, 2019

One time I asked Annie Sprinkle who her last sex partner was. She replied:

“Yesterday I cruised a tree that was really sexy. I went up and fondled and sniffed it. It had this beautiful strong beauty…”

I have to admit, her answer took me by surprise.

But wow if you LOVE nature, it makes total sense to take tree hugging to a new level.

I told a friend about Annie’s Ecosexual ways, and she admitted that when she runs, she feels vibrations from the trees. The trees reach out to her.

All this tree talk had me intrigued, so I went right out and bought a wood dildo so I could fuck a tree, too. SAFELY, mind you. I don’t want splinters.

I looked up wood dildos on EdenFantasys and pulled up this beautiful lineup. This one stood out, so I ordered the darker version. Visually, dark wood is more appealing to me than blond.

It arrived in a purple velvet pouch. I was amazed at how lightweight it is; it has the airiness of cork, but is solid hardwood. I looked up the manufacturer – what a hippie! He has a FAQ page where people can ask about splinters, sustainability and cleanliness. Most of the wood he uses is found on the forest floor. I think this wood is Celam, a lustrous dark red with brown lines, a hardwood from Mexico similar to Mahogany.

My lovely super smooth dildo glows like a tiger’s eye and smells like cedar. Very warm and inviting, unlike the stone and glass I’ve tried.

The pictures don’t do him justice. You MUST see him in person to fully appreciate his radiant beauty. I’ve named him Tapio, after a Finnish forest deity, often referenced as “bear-king, ruler of the forest.”

Let me tell you, he is a very special dildo. He is the most living inanimate object I’ve ever fucked. I cannot tell a lie, this Pinnochio appendage is AMAZING. I prefer wood over glass or stone. I can’t believe it took me this long to get around to trying it!

I feel affectionate towards Tapio. When I stick him in my pussy, I don’t want to take him out. I lingered so long in bed with him that when I finally reluctantly pulled him out, he kindof stuck to my vagina. I think we tried to become one with each other. To clean him, I just wiped him down.

The wood dildo site has this to say about the varnish: “Each dildo is finished with at least five coats of Salad Bowl Finish, a food-quality varnish. The finish seals the wood, making them safe, waterproof, and natural-feeling. No dyes or stains.” Seriously, go check out all the different woods and designs!

When I play with Tapio with Matthew, it feels like a threesome. My little wooden soldier feels like he has a soul, like there’s energy vibrating from him. I know this sounds really weird and I’m not describing it well, but I’m at a loss for words.

I’m a tree fucker and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

photo by Stan Strembicki

If you ever come visit me at my home, you’ll see Tapio on display in my impressive toy cabinet!

Tips for a Yummy Mouth

By Kendra Holliday | March 27, 2019

Going places!

SMILE!

Psssst.

Do you want to know if you have bad breath?

Ask someone. Ask me!

Or, try this:

1. Grab some floss. If you don’t have easy access to any, you have bad breath FOR SURE.

2. Floss a few of your teeth.

3. Sniff the floss. This is what your breath smells like.

Any food that is caught between your teeth and left there simply rots, right in your face. That’s why it’s important to floss daily – you don’t want a graveyard in your mouth. Bacteria is bad news.

The reason why I’m posting this is because I run a sex worker group, and one of the most common complaints I hear from the women (besides clients being stingy) are clients with bad breath. It’s really hard to give the Girlfriend Experience when your partner has stinky breath.

Conversely, I was at a Whore Happy Hour and one of the men complimented me on my teeth, saying the women he knew were sweet, but many had meth mouth and smoked. So I guess my nice grill is a good selling point, if you will.

SO, if you want others to enjoy kissing you, here are some easy tips on keeping your breath fresh n’ clean:

1. Brush your teeth twice a day. This is also good for your gums.

2. Floss daily. As they say, you only have to floss the teeth you want to keep! Glide is a good brand if you have crowded teeth and normal floss shreds.

3. Go to the dentist for routine cleaning twice a year. I don’t have dental insurance, but I still make this happen. A cleaning costs me about $150. Consider it skull maintenance. If you’re scared of dentists, ask around for recommendations. There are lots of nice dentists out there!

4. Avoid coffee or smoking, but if you do indulge, rinse with water or brush your teeth afterward.

5. HYDRATE. Drink lots of water.

6. Eat more fruits and veggies, less meat. High protein diets are the worst for creating bad bacteria fumes as it decomposes.

7. Chew on parsley and mint! Eat your garnish at dinner, grow mint in your backyard and rejoice in the natural freshening powers of chlorophyll! Just watch out afterward for green stuff stuck in your teeth!

8. Listerine may actually do more harm than good because it contains alcohol and dries the mouth, which the bacteria tend to like. I use SmartMouth, it’s great! It shorts out the bacteria’s ability to breakdown and produce sulphides in your mouth.

9. Keep the mouth moist (god I hate that word) with sugar-free gum or mints. I sometimes chew a piece of gum ten minutes before a date.

10. Tongue scraping is good. You can buy a scraper, but I just use a spoon every couple days or so. It’s crazy what can accumulate on the back of your tongue, it gets all thick and white, eww!

You can read more about halitosis here.

Do you have any fresh breath tips or bad breath horror stories to share? If you had bad breath, would you want someone to tell you?

How Do I Exercise My Open Marriage?

By Kendra Holliday | March 23, 2019

Dear Kendra,

My wife and I recently decided to open our marriage. Unfortunately, I’ve run into a problem: women don’t seem to want to get involved with a man who is in an open marriage.

So far the three women who I’ve approached, although they admit being attracted to me and interested in the idea, have all given me some variation on the same objection: they’re worried about hurting my wife or causing harm to our relationship. These women know both my wife and me, and they aren’t willing to even acknowledge the possibility that talking to my wife could resolve their concerns.

I can’t help but find this fairly insulting. These women seem to be substituting their own judgment for mine and my wife’s, and telling us that, as much as we might think we’re ready for an open relationship, we will inevitably fall victim to jealousy and bitterness.

Now, I can understand that some women may not want to take any risk of being responsible for that, no matter what the people in the relationship might say, and maybe there’s nothing I can do to change those women’s minds.

But how can I best explain that they don’t have to worry about causing harm to our relationship—and that even if that happened, it wouldn’t be their fault—and how can I maximize the chances that they’ll overcome their feelings of unease and be willing to get involved?

My reply:

I asked a couple successful poly guy friends of mine for their 2 cents, and their combined answers added up to at least 2 bucks! Here is J’s take:

“Why not approach women who already identify as poly themselves and have other already established relationships? You can join a poly group in your town and mingle with like-minded people.

Of course I realize that’s a tough pill to swallow when you’ve already got what seems like three perfectly willing takers–if only it weren’t for their warped view of his wife, the mutual understandings they may have in their relationship …or what, on principle the sanctity of his marriage to her? Yeah, honestly I’d feel somewhat insulted by these assumptions of overreaching responsibility and risk too.

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An Ode to Vanilla Porn

By Kendra Holliday | March 17, 2019

X-Art features women like this

A friend of mine is not a fan of hardcore porn. I asked him to tell me what kind of porn he enjoyed, and he wrote me this letter. Enjoy!

Kendra —

I realized, after a lifetime of looking at porn, that I don’t like almost all of it. It’s grotty, unpleasant, populated by people I don’t want to talk to, let alone fuck, and the more extreme the porn makers become,  to stand out from their competitors,  the more they turn me off, both because of the scenario presented (I don’t want to rage-fuck someone in a basement) and because of the tragedies inherent in the production.

Young women with too much makeup and plastic surgery don’t turn me on, they make me sad and wonder about where their parents are.

But I recently came across some porn that seems designed specifically to appeal to people like me — which I would define as oversexed, heterosexual white males.  It’s made by X-Art, and is the Platonic Ideal of Vanilla Porn. Looking at it (which I’ve done a lot) made me think a lot about the kind of porn-fantasy it presents, and why its so appealing.

A typical X-Art vid features a young woman, with a body unaugmented by wear,  surgery or (too much) makeup. The setting is a high end apartment (many of the vids seem to be shot in the same LA loft) that might be the home of a protagonist in a Hollywood film. The man is attractive, but not the focus at all… there are a number of videos in which you rarely even see the man’s head.  Everybody is young and perfect; hairless, both metaphorically and literally.

The music is different than typical porn. Many vids start with a cool, indie sounding pop song, the kind of thing attractive people might listen to in their excellent apartments, and then they fade out in favor of “natural” sounds. No wocka-wocka bass line to constantly say PORN. (more…)

Minx Grrl loves puppy play!
http://www.minxgrrl.com/

My friend RainMan shared this remarkable first date story with me. Here it is, in his own words:

She came out of my bedroom on all fours, naked save a leather collar and leash. A vibrator was clamped between her teeth. She crawled over to the couch and dropped the vibe into my lap, staring up at me expectantly.

Huh?!

The night had started out normal enough. A fun date and back to my place. So what in the hell was this?! At this stage in my so far vanilla life, anal was exotic. I’d never encountered pet play before, hell I’d never even heard of it!

My mind raced. Is she supposed to be a dog? What am I supposed to do? And where the hell did the leash and vibrator come from? Was she carrying those around in her purse the whole night?

I sat there, stunned, not sure what do to. After a few seconds, she whimpered at me. Okay, she’s definitely a dog. But what about me? Am I her master, or am I the alpha? She whimpered again, nuzzling my arm.

When faced with two choices, I usually opt for the most absurd. This time was no different: alpha it was.

As she whimpered once more, I lowered my head, showed a bit of teeth and growled softly. Her eyes flashed with surprise, she was clearly expecting that I’d take the master role. The surprise disappeared quickly, replaced with a glint of approval.

What followed was about twenty minutes, of whimpering, growling, nuzzling, roughhousing and even some light biting/nipping.

Breaking character, I instructed her to lie down and play dead as I grabbed her vibrator off the couch. I put the vibe to good use, removing it anytime she came back to life, moving too much or making noise. It is quite interesting watching someone try to orgasm while remaining silent and motionless.

Later that night, after she had left, I pulled up Google and did a little research (I don’t even want to think about what my search history must look like). I didn’t really find anything sexual about the playtime (aside from vibing her, that is), but it was clearly something she was into and I’m always up for trying something new. We played once more, this time with me taking the master role. We parted ways not long after, the compatibility just wasn’t there.

Looking back, that night reinforces my golden rule: always be open to new experiences. You never know who might come crawling through your door.

——
(Photo generously provided by Minx Grrl, see more like it here!)

7 Condoms That Are More Fun Than Syphilis

By Kendra Holliday | February 17, 2019

I’m like a kid in a condom store!

Psst.

I have to tell you something.

Unless you’re fluid bonded with a trusted partner, you really need to use condoms. I hear so much complaining about condoms (they choke! they slow me down! they make me go limp! they dull sensation!) and I’m hearing even more about poly/swinger people not practicing safer sex! Don’t forget that you’re sleeping with everyone they’ve slept with and you are putting many people at risk when you throw caution to the wind and think, “It won’t happen to me!”

THINK BEYOND YOUR DICK.

So if you’re going to stick your penis in another person’s moist and sensitive orifice, take it from this promiscuous STI-free slut and WRAP IT UP! Here are some good options for you to try:

1. TheyFit Condoms – Offering 95 sizes, the company has tried to eradicate male sensitivity over measurements by giving each girth a random code. Men can use the “FitKit” chart to determine their perfect penile pouch.

2. Condoms you can put on drunk in the dark: Sensis. Watch this video that was appropriately filmed in bars. Sensis has little easy pull tabs, so no more fumbling around in the dark with lubed hands trying to tear a seamless wrapper.

3.Size matters: If you want larger size condoms, go with Magnum. If you want a snugger fit, try Kimono brand.

Snowman condom! Ho, ho, ho!

4. Are you artistic and like an interactive condom company? Try One, a cool company that offers several cool ways to win/earn free condoms and condom-related merchandise (very helpful for us poor folks!) You can submit designs for their condom wrappers and if you win, you get cash AND a year’s supply of condoms!

5. Custom art condoms: Get your photo or logo on the wrapper OR the condom by ordering YOU condoms. I could totally see Gene Simmons being into this concept…

6. For those who don’t care for the stinging, burning sensation of spermicide as it eats away at your sensitive tissue, try the condom sampler pack from Condom Depot. A variety of 100 condoms makes a great vagina – I mean, stocking – stuffer!

7. Internal Condoms. In my opinion, they’re like shoving a sandwich bag up your vagina, which isn’t very sexy, but if your man has issues with choking and sensation, these are a good option. I’ve used them with men who have trouble achieving orgasm with regular condoms, as they provide a different sensation. ALSO good for people who have a latex allergy, or for MFF threesomes so you don’t have to keep changing condoms in between partners.

Still wondering what’s out there? Go to Undercover Condom and browse their categories – they’ve got latex free, vibrating, studded, glow-in-the dark, and much more.

Have fun wrapping your favorite present that keeps on giving!

What are YOUR favorite condoms? Have you tried any of the suggestions above? Share your tips below!

And speaking of tips – check out the time I did a demo with Joan Price on how to put a condom on a soft penis – with my mouth! PICS!

Sex-Positive Etiquette for Men: Discussion Recap

By Kendra Holliday | February 5, 2019

On January 27, 2019, my not-for-profit local community organization Sex Postive St. Louis held a Sex-Positive Etiquette for Men discussion at Shameless Grounds.

Here’s the event description:

This event is free and open to all SEX+STL members.

Men – do you wish we had more female members? (Note: as of right now we have more than 4300 members on our Meetup group. I’m guessing it’s ~ 60% men, 40% women.)

Do you wish women were as fired up to get some action as you are?

When you attend our clothing optional events, is it important to you that there’s a decent number of women there?

Do you want to touch and be intimate with women?

Do you ever wonder how to best approach women? Are you successful in your dating endeavors?

Join us as we discuss sex-positive etiquette for men. We’ll give some examples of how NOT to interact with women online, and constructive suggestions on what works better. If you have questions, we have answers!

Please come if you would like to be more successful dating and hooking up with women. Come if you are a woman and want to share your experiences and preferences. Come if you are a man who is successful dating women and have some insight to share. Let’s all learn together and create a truly sex-positive space for everyone!

The reason why we hosted this event is because our female members informed us that they were being contacted by male members with inappropriate messages.

We have a member harassment policy in place. In addition, I made this quick video reminding men that our group is not intended as a dating or hookup site.

Here are examples of approaches that can be perceived as inappropriate:

  • Sending members you don’t know a message that you’re looking for sex.
  • Attending a happy hour and asking the women there if they will kiss any random man on the street.
  • Posting on the discussion board that we should host a penis size contest and make sure there are sexy ladies on hand to judge it.

When women get bombarded with strong questions and messages like that, it turns them off and drives them away.

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How Exploring A Kinky Lifestyle Improved My Vanilla Life

By Kendra Holliday | February 3, 2019

Ed Note: This a guest post by my good friend, Gigi Spanks!

I have always been a shy and reserved individual. I grew up in a conservative household where girls were expected to be polite and behave, and there was virtually no talk about sex. After my first sex ed class in 5th grade, my mom sat me down to watch a National Geographic episode about sex. The only thing my father ever said was, as I was on my way to college, “You better not get pregnant until you have your own health insurance.” Needless to say, I had no language or skills to know or ask for what I needed as a sexual being.

My first orgasms were exercise-induced and I had no idea what they were aside from an exquisitely pleasurable sensation that flooded through my body. I saw porn for the first time on TV while on a school trip to Europe, and that is how I learned to masturbate. In high school, I had a few fumbling relationships with boys, but we didn’t get past second base. I remember one particularly frustrating encounter in which I was trying to coyly hint that my high school boyfriend should move things along and grab my tits, but apparently we weren’t on the same wavelength because when I said “Go for it,” he paused and said, “But I don’t have a condom.”

It wasn’t until I met my future darling husband (DH) in college that my sexuality began to blossom. He knew how to make me cum and taught me many things. Our first time having intercourse was amazing and an experience I will always remember. Despite all of his love and encouragement, the conservative attitude with which I was brought up persisted and limited a lot of the activities in which I was willing to participate.

photo by xoxo Alice

Things started to change when we found out one of our friends was a boudoir photographer. She took amazing pictures of women… I dragged my feet on going because I was overweight and had body image issues, I would go when I had lost some weight.

When I found out I was pregnant with my first child, I thought, I better go now, I will never look as good after I have kids. So I went and had one of the best days of my life. I got a make over, dressed in sexy lingerie and was treated like a princess – I felt sexy as fuck. When DH came by later that day to help select the images my feelings were confirmed as I watched his jaw hit the floor. For the first time in my life I felt absolutely beautiful!

Six months after our son was born, DH approached me about attending a play party hosted by The Beautiful Kind. I agreed with a little apprehension, as the most risqué thing we had ever done was go to the strip club and walk through the Red Light District of Amsterdam.

We decided to start out easy with a happy hour hosted by Sex Positive St. Louis, so we could meet hostess Kendra Holliday and some of the other individuals we might meet at the party. I am usually very awkward at social events, but everyone was so welcoming and friendly! We had such a great time, we decided to attend Kendra’s party.

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What Are TBK Play Parties Like?

By Kendra Holliday | January 1, 2019

This is what I wore at the last party!

One of the things people contact me the most about is my TBK Play Parties. I’ve held more than a dozen over the past few years, and I’d love to have more! If you know of a classy place within 45 minutes of St Louis that can hold 50-100 adults, let me know. I’ve rented from AirBnB and Vacation Rentals, but the best bet is someone in the community volunteering their home. So, let me know if throwing an orgy is one of your 2019 New Year’s Resolutions!

You can read FAQs and more on my Party page. If you’d like to be added to my party email list, email me answers to the questions listed on that page. With more than 600 people on my list, whenever I announce a new party, the spots fill pretty fast.

Here is what someone attending the last party shared with me about their experience:

“There was a couple in one of the side bedrooms making love with the door open. We walked by and saw them. Since the door was open, we stopped to watch because we love being voyeurs. The couple smiled and invited us in. We obliged and entered the room. The hallway light cast enough illumination to see them. The ambient lighting made the display all the more intimate.

They were engaged in a doggy-style position with a slow and steady pace. After watching for a couple of minutes, my wife Jasmine walked up to the woman and whispered softly in her ear. I could not hear what she was saying. I imagined in my head she was complimenting the beauty of her golden brown skin or her phenomenal smile she was displaying when she saw us watching them. 

After Jasmine was finished whispering, I saw the smile again return along with an affirming nod followed with a verbal, ‘Yes you can.’

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Cowboy Ethics

By Kendra Holliday | December 31, 2018

Do y’all know about Cowboy Ethics?

I keep the book by my bed, right next to the condoms, candles, and lube. It’s like my bible.

Do you follow The Code of the West?

Do you follow The Code of the West?

It’s also like porn to me – totally sexy. People who possess Cowboy Ethics TURN ME ON.

So, what are these good qualities that make me drool and take notice?

I’m not talking about rodeos and eating steak and slinging guns and chewing tobacco. I do like country music, however – it’s so sentimental! And I LOVE country living – give me a cabin in the woods any day!

Do the right thing.

Do the right thing.

Here’s what I’m talking about.

People with Cowboy Ethics are rugged. They are patient. They are passionate. They don’t quit. They have a heightened sense of justice. They do the right thing.

Some people come by their Cowboy Ethics honestly – it’s effortless for them. Others need training, like me! I strive to live by the Code of the West.

Here are the ten tenets – how many of these ring true to you? Which ones do you need to work on?

1. Live each day with courage.

Be brave. Be strong. Conquer your fears. Courage means “to have heart.” Having courage means doing what is right, even when it scares the living daylights out of you. Be true to yourself.

Talking openly and honestly about my intensely personal and kinky sex life, and posting photos of myself naked – right down to my hairy armpits and shaved pussy – being intimate with the world, sharing myself with strangers – that takes courage.

Don’t be a coward. Face your fears. Replace the fear with LOVE.

This here cowgirl is tough!

This here cowgirl is tough!

2. Take pride in your work.

My top three priorities are my daughter, my life’s passion (sex and relationships), and work (making money). Luckily, some of these things overlap. I’m a single mom, so I have to bust a move if I want to take my daughter on a nice trip or splurge on renting a fancy house for a play party.

I take my passion seriously and have pride in my work. I give talks at universities and for medical professionals. I work with licensed sex therapists. I mentor women interested in sex work. I host amazing events. I run a stellar volunteer organization. I absolutely LOVE my work as a counselor and sex surrogate. That is where my true talent lies, and where I make a real difference in people’s lives.

You should always try to leave people, places, and things better than you found them.

It’s good to have more than one way to make money. Be diverse in your skills, but also be an expert in something. Be passionate! What are your top three priorities? What are you passionate about?

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Drycember

By Kendra Holliday | December 28, 2018

Last year, I announced that I’m an alcoholic. But after all the research I’ve done, I’ve decided I don’t care for the word “alcoholic.”

Instead, I’ve accepted the fact that I have alcohol addiction

From the book, Alcohol Explained, by William Porter:

“What has been learned can never be unlearned. Alcohol addiction is created when the subconscious mind knows that the one cure for the ill effects of alcohol can be remedied by more alcohol.”

In other words, you can turn a cucumber into a pickle, but a pickle can never become a cucumber again.

So, some of us are cucumbers, and some of us are pickles. There are a lot more pickles out there than you think! Sadly, I am a pickle. 🙁

I believe that anyone can become addicted to alcohol. My setup was the perfect storm – I’ve been self-employed for the past three years, so I had a flexible schedule. I hang out with drinkers. I love social drinking, but I also took to stress drinking due to family problems, and if you do that, you get addicted faster. Also, I’m a woman, and female bodies handle alcohol differently. For instance, even though no amount of alcohol is safe to consume, if you’re going to imbibe in moderation, the recommended amount for women is nine drinks a week, versus fourteen drinks for men.

I also learned that adding alcohol on top of my menopause symptoms was like putting gasoline on a fire. 

WOOSH!

So, here I am. I know I should quit drinking permanently, but I’m still messing around with it. I stop drinking for a set amount of time – say, 30 days or 90 days, and then try moderating, which turns into daily drinking. I can’t moderate. I’ve tried. I can easily down 4-8 drinks A DAY. Yikes!

Well, not this month! I’m celebrating Drycember by sharing a gift every day. I’m also SUPER excited about a new concept happening here in St Louis – there’s a dive bar that is AF (alcohol free) every Sat night! It’s called Pop’s Blue Moon. I’ve been once so far, and can’t wait to go again.

For now, please enjoy my Drycember gifts, I’ve listed them below!

My partner Matthew has been getting me these tea calendars for years. The creator is BlueMoonstone on Etsy. I love traditions! Every morning, I take a pic of the tea and send it to him. Pineapple, Earl Grey, Strawberry Cheesecake, Ginger, Spearmint… mmm!

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Do Women Have a Higher Sex Drive?

By Kendra Holliday | December 24, 2018

Hey, remember when I featured a documentary called Are All Men Pedophiles?

The director, Jan-Willem Breure has a new film out called Do Women Have a Higher Sex Drive?

I got a chance to watch it. It was very thought provoking.

I asked Jan-Willem where he lived, and if women were more in touch with their sexuality there. I asked  because there’s definitely some cultural influence at play. I wonder what countries or places are best for women to be more sexually authentic.

He replied, “I live in Holland, the first country to create a female porn channel. However, Dutch women are not that in touch with their sexuality, I find women from warmer countries more open, especially Brazil. The presenter in my film, Cheyenne Lohnen, is half Brazilian.”

Presenter Cheyenne Lohnen

Director Jan-Willem-Breure

Do Women Have a Higher Sex Drive?
sets the stage with examples of equality and how women are rising up in society, despite the patriarchy.

It features a diverse cast of experts, from porn directors to economists to psychologists.

I’ve never had a male orgasm before, but from what I gather, female orgasms seem to be superior – up to 10 times more powerful than male, and more prolific, when given the right circumstances.

Personally, I enjoy a high libido and have a higher level of testosterone than the average woman my age (mid-40’s). I act out ravishing fantasies
via gang bangs, threesomes, and roleplay. I like to joke that I am bi-furious!

In my line of work, I hear from so many men in their 50’s and 60’s who tell me their wife is not interested in sex anymore and never initiates.

BUT so many of my female friends complain bitterly about their low drive male partners!

What gives?!

I recall so many times in past relationships where I stood in the doorway of my ex’s home office, asking for sex. They would have their back to me, at their computers. Frustrated, I would give up, and they would resent me pressuring them. Thankfully, my current partner of ten years and I have well-matched libidos and great communication, so we both get our emotional and physical needs consistently met.

The film talks about a Man Drought: 80% of women like 20% of the men available, whereas men are less selective with who they fuck.

I tell you what – in the United States we have a maturity issue when it comes to men. Men aren’t forced to grow up the way women are, and immaturity is a big turn off for most women. Patriarchy is the fear of the feminine AND mature masculine.

(more…)

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