10 Surprising Truths About Human Sexuality

By Kendra Holliday | February 23, 2014

The following true statements are not based on academic research and fact, but from years of up-close-and-personal slutty experience.

You know what a slut is, right? A slut is someone who is in touch with their sexuality. They are MY truths.

I’m VERY in touch with my sexuality. Even better, I’m in touch with YOURS. 😉

1. Tons of men have a fetish for hairy underarms.

My YouTube videos featuring my hairy underarms are SO well-received. Men write me reverential messages about them. I thought having hairy underarms would repel people, but it has the opposite effect!

2. More than the half the male virgins I’ve been with are good in bed. I’ve had sex with quite a few adult male virgins. Some have even visited me from other states to experience sex with a goddess. A friend said to me, “It must be awkward and a chore being with sexually inexperienced guys.” It’s not at all! It’s awesome. I’ve been with virgins who are great lovers, and men who have been with lots of women who are bad lovers. For sure practice and experience help, but some people have an innate sense. Or have had time to do A LOT of research.

3. Some people want to be objectified. Check out this provocative television show in Denmark where women strip down and allow men to discuss their bodies.

You can be a feminist and get turned on by objectification. You can be a man and want to be objectified. It’s okay to enjoy sex in the abstract and want to feel desired.

4. STIs are not as scary and rampant as you  might think. I had a woman tell me she admired how I’ve enjoyed many lovers and said she wished she could do the same, but she was too afraid of diseases. I told her I’ve had hundreds of sex partners and have never had an STI. (No, Paul Sabrina Holmes, I don’t eat STIs for breakfast – see comments thread.) There are things you can do to reduce the risk – using protection, practicing good hygiene, choosing partners wisely. I also pointed out to her something she hadn’t thought of – she rides her bike around downtown Chicago on a daily basis. She’s taking a WAY BIGGER safety risk doing that than what I do in the bedroom!

5. It’s in your biological makeup to urgently want to fuck more than one person at a time – in the same moment, in the same day, in the same week, in the same month, in the same year – you get the picture. Don’t beat yourself up over that fact. It’s normal. Now figure out how you want to deal with those feelings – do you want to act on them? If so, how can you proceed responsibly?

6. Some women do sex work because they like sex. Sex work can be empowering and healthy. I am proof of this. So is this woman – see her incredibly sex-positive essay on being a porn actor in college.

You'd be surprised.

You’d be surprised.

7. Transgender people are everywhere. I’m meeting more and more of them, from all walks of life. They aren’t just working at sex-positive coffee shops and volunteering at the LGBT Center. They’re teaching university classes. They look like cowboys. They look like movie celebrities. Some have been hiding their true gender identity their entire lives. I met someone recently who reminded me of John Wayne – ruggedly handsome with cowboy ethics. It turns out inside that outwardly manly body is a woman named Sally. Sally’s family does not know she exists. On the rare occasions when Sally can be herself, those are the moments when she feels she is Home and at peace. That means 90% of the time, Sally is living a lie and feels displaced and unhappy. Why? Because society can’t handle the truth.

8. Kinky people are everywhere. If you go to the grocery store, you will encounter a lot of prudes, but you will also walk by plenty of adults wearing diapers, men wearing chastity devices or panties, and women wearing butt plugs. There is SO MUCH MORE than meets the eye! And it’s all good. I encourage responsible hedonism – as long as you take care of your duties and obligations, you can have as much fun as you want, as long as you’re not hurting other people. There’s nothing wrong with being sexually creative.

9. Poly people are everywhere. Seriously, the topic is exploding and it’s practically trendy now! We’re seeing non-monogamy and non-traditional relationships featured more and more in mainstream media. See House of Cards. See my friend Diana’s article in the Atlantic. See the piece featuring me in Redbook.



10. People are animals. We are primates. We have feelings, and body fluid, hair, and urges. We are not mannequins or robots, no matter how much hair you remove or scold people for showing emotion. In some ways, we are wild animals in captivity, in an unnatural environment, coping as best we can. We need to be more forgiving of our nature and learn to work with it, instead of pretend it doesn’t exist. To quote from Game of Thrones, “A man should smell of sweat, not flowers.”

People are amazingly diverse and wonderful. I’m glad to say the times are changing. I’m seeing more and more individuals taking steps toward self-actualization and being out about their sexuality. I’m seeing more support from the community at large. The more we keep talking about our bodies and sex in a matter-of-fact way, the more normal it will become. Find ways to get rid of the guilt and shame that’s so often attached to sex – it’s weighing you down and holding you back.

Replace the fear with love!


jinny 2014-02-23 18:33:55

I approach #10 from a different perspective but thank you for saying all you said above. I do not expect great change in my lifetime, but when I look back at changes that occurred in my time on earth, I can hope for a better world for my grandchildren, for sure.


    Kendra Holliday 2014-02-24 08:17:29

    I’d be curious to know your perspective of #10. And YES I agree, I want my daughter’s generation to be more accepting and happier and healthier!


Gary labrot 2014-02-23 22:33:13

Thank you!


jinny 2014-02-24 14:11:45

#10 less than divine but more than animals.
Instincts but not controlled by them.


Dan 2014-02-25 11:06:51

Kendra, you said:

. I’ve been with virgins who are great lovers, and men who have been with lots of women who are bad lovers. For sure practice and experience help, but some people have an innate sense. Or have had time to do A LOT of research.
sex with virgins? How about the revirginazation of an old timer starting over. Even Augustine would coach raped nuns in 400AD that this “revirginization” was possible.

So, wow and yes. Question: Is it perhaps the hunger, innocence, novelty, the all-things-new that could be the new Kink? What if old time lovers could recreate this in–gasp–even marriage? My lady and I are giving this a whirl. Not easy. And let no one say that sex workers do not have a spiritual side, or that they are jaded. And, I love hairy armpits!


    Kendra Holliday 2014-02-25 13:56:20

    I maintain that if you haven’t had sex in a year, you’re a revirgin. I’m not sure if I’ve ever gone more than three days without sex with someone else since I started my sexual career at 16.


      Stephen 2014-02-26 14:03:21

      Guurrrlll, you had a hysterectomy. You know you have TOO gone more than 3 days without the sexuals.

      But not more than 4, I’m sure.


        Kendra Holliday 2014-02-26 14:08:21

        Notice how I worded my statement – I had oral sex with my partner the day after my hysterectomy, as soon as we got home from the hospital.


dmitry 2014-02-26 04:25:59

about #7. I live in Russia. I wouldn’t tell that transgender people everywhere here


Rishi 2014-02-28 01:39:12

Not only are you incredibly beautiful and powerful, you are a beacon of hope for people who need to be understood. My brother is a transgender and wants to become a woman. He dons make up, wears heels and women clothing, but all in the secrecy of his bedroom. I told him I will always love him/her.
Cannot wait to see you.



David Wraith 2014-02-28 01:43:51

Yes, polyamory is trendy right night, but do yourself a favor: don;t set up Google news alert for the word “polyamory.” It will only depress you.


Charles H 2014-03-06 09:24:55

Interesting what you say about late-age virgins. I first has sex in my thirties. I can tell you, when you go that sex starved with a normal or high sex-drive, yes, you will end up studying sex all the time. You’ll study the gender of your preference and what feels good for (in my case) her. Your fantasy life will plan out how to have the sex. The hard part, the void in the thinking, is to know when it’s being offered (Due to attention deficit, I missed the signals countless times), and to figure out how to get there appropriately, and/or without the guilt that’s creates late-age virgins.

BTW, I gave my virginity to a casual encounter, a woman whose signals were emphatic, and whose name I learned thirty seconds before we started having sex. We both enjoyed it.


Dan in Phoria 2015-04-09 14:51:49

I propose that being attracted to a woman who leaves her underarm hair natural isn’t a fetish. Being attracted to a whole natural woman is what our instint drives us to do. Some of us are in touch with these feelings and have arrived at by various ways.
Society has fetishized the hairless woman and presents it as the norm.


Sally 2018-04-26 08:50:56

Answering your query 4 years late … I’m Sally of #7, and jinny above.

My perspective on #10 … yes, I think we’re all animals but … well … animals+. Driven but able to divert the drive, sometimes to our advantage but too often to our detriment. Purpose-filled to enjoy and improve our lives but also to improve the lives of others, not just our “own people” but those differing in color, religion, nationality and in ways that one can’t really quantify nor list.


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