By Kendra Holliday | September 3, 2015
Guess what! Princess Kali is going to release a book on erotic humiliation soon! It’s such a great topic! I’m going to be quoted in it. Check out the title: Enough to Make You Blush: An Intro to Erotic Humiliation.
Filling out the survey she put out on Twitter the other day reminded me of this scene I had with my partner a few years ago. It was super intense for me, and taught us about the importance of after care…
It’s noon. I’m at home, just got out of the shower and dressed. Matthew stops by unexpectedly. He walks over to the whiskey, pours himself a drink, and says coolly, “I came for lunch.”
“Oh, you want me to make you something?” I offer.
“NO.” He looks at me. I think, oh shit, here we go.
He walks me back to the bedroom and pushes me onto the bed. He grabs big handfuls of my flesh and I cry out. “Are you finding my handles?” I try to joke. “How many do I have, anyway?”
That’s meant to be a rhetorical question, but he is glad to answer it. “One,” he announces, grabbing my hip. “Two,” grabbing the other hip. He continues to manhandle me, seizes a braid, my throat, my thigh…each body part he molds to fit his grip. He gets to 16…
He has my belly in a death grip and growls, “I want to take this part with me. Leave you here to bleed.”
He picks me up upside down by the seat of my pants, holds me over the bed, and says, “This,” and drops me, “is sub drop.”
He rips my clothes off and devours my pussy from every angle, he keeps flipping me around. He spits whiskey on my frightened pussy and it gets hot and burns.
I absolutely feel like a picnic basket being raided.
I gasp anxiously, “You can’t do this on the very day I posted Kodiak Attack!”
By Kendra Holliday | August 29, 2015
The majority of submissive men are so annoying!!!
As a sex worker, I can tell you that there are A LOT of submissive men out there.
And they are cluelessly milling around, desperately seeking Mistresses.
The definition of Mistress is this: “a woman in a position of authority or control.”
Sounds good, right? Trouble is, they’re so warped by our patriarchal society, they have it all twisted.
This is what they THINK it means: “a woman to be manipulated to fulfill every whim for the benefit of a silly penis.”
Fuck this Mistress shit. I am a GODDESS. I am a QUEEN.
That means whatever I say, GOES. Fuck your preferences. I mean, if I can do right by you, I will, but it’s really all about me, the Queen, and not you, the lowly minion with an eager dick and shallow wallet.
In our society men are not allowed to fully mature. That’s why I offer finishing school.
The words “entitled,” “eager”, and “annoying” should not come to mind as I review your application.
And in case you haven’t noticed, finishing school is NOT CHEAP.
Take Ceara Lynch …. just look at what she has to deal with. Sometimes she makes more than $1000 a day, and she EARNS EVERY PENNY. And since she makes so much damn money and knows sub men are plentiful, she offers tips on how to become a humiliatrix.
Here are three recent examples I’ve had to deal with – I’ll never get these 10 minutes back, and neither will you:
- panty guy
- servant foot sniffer guy
- spanking guy
By Kendra Holliday | August 29, 2015
The other day, I organized my cedar chest full of lingerie. Here’s what I pulled out:
I had such a nice time sorting through my sexy treasures and doing an inventory!
Here’s a brilliant rainbow sampling of some of the gems within:
(If you want to see more random lingerie and personal pics, you can go to my facebook page.)
It turns out I had more than 25 bras and 80 panties! Not to mention many stockings, thigh hi’s, and more…
Above are the undies featured in this post from three years ago showing me wearing them in 2007, and again in 2012. I never did go back and update it. Does this count? I don’t think I’ll ever look good in this pair again. And I guess I’m okay with that, since I have 80 other pair to choose from!
These are no longer part of the collection – I sold these to friends a few years ago when I was desperate for money, during the dark days of 2010 and 2011. They sent me this pic to show me they still had them!
Here is what they looked like on me – ooh la la!
By Kendra Holliday | August 24, 2015
Lea Thau is obsessed with my IUD.
At least, that’s what I initially thought when I listened to our interview on her awesome national podcast, Strangers.
A few weeks ago, she was in St Louis teaching a storytelling workshop, and I invited her over to my cute little fairy cottage to learn more about what I do for a living. Or, as I like to say, a loving.
Here is the interview!
We chatted for over two hours. It was late, and we were both tired, so I was worried I’d sound like a zombie or something, but I think it turned out well! Lea has mad editing skills, that’s for sure.
One thing she mentioned more than once was my IUD. I gave her a tour of my house, which included a brief tour of the dollhouse I bought with stripper money when I was 19. I love it SO much. It’s full of treasures and memories.
See for yourself:
There’s a kitchen, living room, bedroom, study, and attic. As you can tell, Granny is a bit of a crazy cat lady, but notice how there are no animals in the study. That’s because it’s haunted.
If you take a closer look at the attic, you’ll see all kinds of oddities.
By Kendra Holliday | August 21, 2015
Are you gleefully celebrating the Ashley Madison member data leak? Are you experiencing Schadenfreude thinking about all the married people being busted left and right? Are you hoping lawyers make millions off of this confidentiality violation?
If so, I’d like to let you know a little something.
I know several people who joined Ashley Madison because they are married to chronically ill spouses.
They took the vow, “for better or worse, in sickness and in health” to heart. Unlike ME – I scratched the itch and dumped my husband after seven years of marriage when shit went south.
These people have been dealing with a lifelong affliction – a chronic, painful rash that lasts decades.
One guy has been married to his blind wife for 30 years.
Another is married to her husband who has MS.
Another is married to his bi-polar wife.
Another is married to his abusive wife who suffers from borderline personality. Oh, and he has two autistic children.
Another has not had intercourse with his wife in over 30 years.
Another has a husband with early onset Alzheimer’s.
Another has a husband who was hit by a car and has a head injury.
These people are dealing with heavy burdens.
They are loyal, but they are broken hearted. Life didn’t go the way they planned.
But they aren’t tossing their sick spouses out and replacing them with shiny, younger, healthier partners.
They are desperately trying to fulfill their commitment to their life partner, but they have needs.
The people you are laughing at and judging are SAINTS.
They have pledged lifelong fideltiy, just like a lot of us have, but instead of being on their second or third marriage, they are still toiling through their first.
By Kendra Holliday | August 16, 2015
The other day, I was interviewed for a new NPR podcast. Not sure if it will ever air, but the topic really got me thinking. The question posed was:
“Does shame do any good?”
Given my background, my knee jerk reaction was, “NO.”
But the question wasn’t, “Does slut shaming do any good?”
“Shame” is humiliation caused by wrong or foolish behavior.
We often feel shame for who or what we are, but we have to ask ourselves – is who we are or what we are doing wrong or foolish behavior?
The woman who fired me certainly thought having a sex blog was wrong and foolish.
I’ll never forgot how livid she was as she hissed at me, “What were you thinking when you posted those things for everyone to read?! I feel like I’m talking to a 14-year-old!”
(For the record, April 27, 2010 was the last time anyone ever successfully slut shamed me.)
Maybe she was a conservative Christian and thought I was guilty of Lust and Pride.
Personally, I don’t think sharing your sex life publicly is a bad thing. For that matter, I don’t think Lust and Pride are bad things, either.
So, what is wrong or foolish behavior?
Is accidentally getting stuck in the middle of an intersection and blocking traffic at a red light wrong and foolish behavior?
Maybe. Or maybe it’s bad judgment.
By Kendra Holliday | August 12, 2015
One year on Twitter, I listed one of my fetishes every day.
Fetish: something that sexually charms you.
I went back and looked at the list and was turned on and amused!
Here is the list in its entirety – I replaced about ten of them. If I’ve featured one in a post, I will link it to that post.
Mmmm, I want them ALL! Do any themes jump out at you? It’s clear I’m into hair, booze, and incest!
What about you – how many things turn YOU on?
1. Hairy chest
2. Steel handcuffs
3. Having my lingerie ripped (panties, stockings, fishnets)
7. Redheaded women
8. Pre-1968 Elvis
9. Reaction cologne
11. Sleeping Beauty
13. Feeling hard cock through jeans/pants
14. Incest Fantasies
18. My man’s cum inside my pussy
20. Japanese Gardens
22. Bruce Springsteen
24. Bubble baths
25. Magic Wand
28. Arched doorways
29. A REAL beard
30. Mood lighting
33. Long skirts
35. Victorian Homes
37. Hairy underarms
41. Classical music
43. V-Safe Men
45. Period films
By Kendra Holliday | August 11, 2015
“Can I borrow that book when you’re done reading it?”
I can’t tell you how many people asked me that question as I carried Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex, by Joan Price around with me for weeks.
I absolutely adore Joan Price. She is a passionate advocate of living life to its fullest. She teaches ageless sexuality and doesn’t hold back when it comes to sharing tips for living a more fulfilling, sensual life. She boldly pushes past societal barriers, and she does so in a loving, accepting, joyfully positive manner.
Thank goodness SOMEONE is talking about senior sexuality, because guess what? Not everyone is obssessed with young, inexperienced hardbodies.
My friend David Wraith is attracted to older women.
My partner Matthew is into older women. He loves how in touch with their bodies they are. “They know what they want.”
This guy I just met was into women in their 40’s when he was 20, and now that he’s 40, is into women in their 60’s. He craves the seasoned softness of their flesh.
Even my 15-year-old asexual daughter expressed interest in learning about senior sexuality – “I think it’s good for seniors to be having sex,” she said matter-of-factly, “but I don’t really want to watch it.”
|Naked at Our Age, by Joan Price|
“Oh for goodness sake! You don’t want to watch ANYONE having sex!” I exclaimed with a laugh.
“True,” she agreed.
Here’s the thing – I have huge respect and admiration for people older than me. I’m 42. I’ve always been attracted to little old men. In fact, I have a huge crush on my partner’s grandfather, a wiry pistol in his 80’s who could probably hogtie you with barbed wire before you even had a chance to cry “Grandpa.”
My oldest sexual partner was 92 years old, He hadn’t had sex for more than 20 years, and he assumed his parts would still work. They didn’t. His penis had vanished from years of neglect.
The saying is true: USE IT OR LOSE IT.
I watched a documentary on Anna Nicole Smith and everyone interviewed in it talked about how disgusting it was that she married a man 63 years older than her. I find that judgmental attitude distasteful.
By Kendra Holliday | August 10, 2015
Have you seen this project by Hana Pesut?
She photographs couples before and after switching clothes:
You can see many more on her website.
My partner Matthew showed it to me, and said, “We should do this!”
Trouble is, he’s 6′ 4″ and weighs 320 lbs. I’m 5′ 4″ and weigh 130 lbs. If he puts on any of my clothes, I’m not getting them back in wearable condition. Unless he uses my sundress as a bandana or something.
So for the sake of my wardrobe, I decided to do the project solo.
Here is me in my clothes:
By Kendra Holliday | August 9, 2015
You have bad breath.
I’ll prove it to you:
1. Grab some floss. If you don’t have easy access to any, you have bad breath FOR SURE.
2. Floss a few of your teeth.
3. Sniff the floss. This is what your breath smells like.
Any food that is caught between your teeth and left there simply rots, right in your face. That’s why it’s important to floss daily – you don’t want a graveyard in your mouth.
The reason why I’m posting about this topic is because I run a sex worker group, and one of the most common complaints I hear from the women (besides clients being stingy) are johns with bad breath. It’s really hard to give the Girlfriend Experience when your partner smells like he ate a shit sandwich.
Conversely, I was at a Whore Happy Hour and one of the men complimented me on my teeth, saying the women he knew were sweet, but many had meth mouth and smoked. So I guess my nice grill is a good selling point, if you will.
SO, if you want others to enjoy kissing you, here are some easy tips on keeping your breath fresh n’ clean:
1. Brush your teeth twice a day. This is also good for your gums.
2. Floss daily. As they say, you only have to floss the teeth you want to keep! Glide is a good brand if you have crowded teeth and normal floss shreds.
3. Go to the dentist for routine cleaning twice a year. I don’t have dental insurance, but I still make this happen. A cleaning costs me about $150. Consider it skull maintenance.
4. Avoid coffee or smoking, but if you do indulge, rinse with water or brush your teeth afterward.
5. HYDRATE. Drink lots of water.
6. Eat more fruits and veggies, less meat. High protein diets are the worst for creating bad bacteria fumes as it decomposes.
7. Chew on parsley and mint! Eat your garnish at dinner, grow mint in your backyard and rejoice in the natural freshening powers of chlorophyll! Just watch out afterward for green stuff stuck in your teeth!
8. Listerine may actually do more harm than good because it contains alcohol and dries the mouth, which the bacteria tend to like. I use SmartMouth, it’s great! It shorts out the bacteria’s ability to breakdown and produce sulphides in your mouth.
9. Keep the mouth moist (god I hate that word) with sugar-free gum or mints. I always chew a piece of gum ten minutes before a date.
10. Tongue scraping is good. You can buy a scraper, but I just use a spoon every couple days or so. It’s crazy what can accumulate on the back of your tongue, it gets all thick and white, eww!
You can read more about halitosis here.
Do you have any fresh breath tips or bad breath horror stories to share? If you had bad breath, would you want someone to tell you?
By Kendra Holliday | July 30, 2015
You know how they talk about baggage, being in the closet, etc.?
Everyone has baggage – daddy issues, mommy issues, family pain, abandonment issues, trust issues, inexperienced issues, break up trauma, secrets, shame, guilt, neglect, abuse, loss, betrayal, injury, fear, rejection…
I like to pretend our head is an attic, and our brain is an old fashioned trunk, crammed full of stuff we’ve collected from our travels.
Space is really tight, and the stuff is jammed in there.
So, I propose this exercise to my clients.
Find the key that opens the trunk.
Open that trunk up.
Now, take ALL the stuff out of it – toss it around the room.
Examine each article – is it a piece of clothing? Is it a toy? Is it wrinkled? Is it moldy? Does it still fit? Do you want to keep it?
Address and assess each item. Acknowledge why it’s in your trunk, and decide if it’s something you want to hang on to.
By Kendra Holliday | July 30, 2015
(For some background on polyamory, please read my article Love Like An Ocean: Diving Deep Into Polyamory.)
My partner and I have been together for more than seven years.
We first met July 2007, at a friend’s wedding. We are in a long-term, committed open relationship. We started our relationship open. We don’t live together – we keep our families, homes, and finances separate. We see each other about 2 or 3 times a week. We are open to countless possibilities when it comes to sharing intimacy with other people. We deeply enjoy and appreciate our non-traditional relationship.
But it certainly isn’t a reckless free-for-all. In order to keep it healthy and drama-free, we constantly communicate with each other to ensure ways we can exercise our freedom while operating on mutual respect.
Outlined below is an arrangement that works for us.
It can be difficult balancing everything, but this is how we prioritize:
3. Our relationship
4. The people we are dating/close relationships
Sometimes we will date a person or couple once or twice, or just for a weekend when they come visit. Sometimes we will date a person or couple for a few months or longer. Usually lives change and shift so much that we ebb and flow into things naturally. It feels very fluid. We can date other people solo, or together.
By Kendra Holliday | July 16, 2015
According to this excellent and insightful psychology book by Adam Grant, there are Givers, Matchers, and Takers.
The other day I interviewed my daughter about her relationship with me. I asked her, “What is a quality you admire in me?” She replied, “You’re very giving, but you make sure people give back in return.”
In other words, I am not The Giving Tree.
I will help as much as I can, but I will not be used. I have boundaries, policies, and standards in place. I operate on mutual respect.
It amazes me how some people have no problem following my rules, and others just push push push my boundaries. Pushing boundaries = creepy. See Charlie Glickman’s explanation of this.
In our society, men are taught to be entitled to whatever they want, which conveniently matches up to the role women are assigned – to say yes and serve everyone selflessly.
Some people will hit me up for free advice on email or text. I’m happy to offer a quick suggestion, but I’m not a sheep in the meadow, just standing around for you to help yourself to a valuable snack.
My milk of human kindness is not endless and free. If it was, I’d dry up and keel over (not to mention homeless), and what good would I be then?
By Kendra Holliday | July 16, 2015
I found these words of devotion from My King tucked away in a treasure chest. I’m not sure when he wrote this tribute, but seven years later, we’re still going strong…
“You are the absolute Love of my life.
You’ve been here for what I see to be the most unique and freeing segment my life’s timeline.
You’ve contributed immensely to the happiness and satisfaction that dominates my life.
I love learning; and through you, around you, next to you, because of you, with you,
I’ve become a much more intelligent man in countless, yet priceless ways.
With all five of my senses,
through four chambers of my heart,
in three dimensions.
Two puzzle pieces,
you are my number One.
By Kendra Holliday | July 15, 2015
Okay, so you know how I host play parties, right?
Epic: “a legendary work of art”
I’m SO proud that I pulled it off. I’ve hosted over ten of these parties, and they don’t get any easier. They’re SOO much work, and I don’t even break even. A labor of love, for sure!
In fact, this one will be my last for a while. I’m looking for someone I trust to take over TBK party organizing so I can focus on other projects. If I can find someone, you can expect the next one to happen in the fall.
I couldn’t do it without my core group of volunteers – the inner circle. And my partner, who doesn’t even like big party public sex. He’s an invaluable, supportive manager. And the party guests – they bring so much great energy and enthusiasm!
We had skinny dipping, a spanking bench, a girl pile, an orgy or two, and a gang bang! We even had naked fishing at 3am!
Let me run you through it.
We rented a big, secluded house in the country, on a lake. GORGEOUS.
The theme of the party was “Beach! BDSM! Bisexuality! Bingo!”
The only thing that was mandatory was the beach; all the others were optional.
The two big rules were CONSENT, and NO DROWNING.
Here I am, taking balloons out to the mailbox:
Our friends catered the party – so delicious! Kebobs, fruit, veggies… gotta keep your energy levels up!
Guests started showing up at 7pm, wearing beach attire, and quickly stripped down and got in the lake.