Ass play can be an adventure!

The other night Matthew and I were getting it on in his stairwell. He had me bent over and was finger fucking me hard, and then he unexpectedly focused on my ass. He stuck his finger up there, then moved on to other things.

The session was great, intense, he made me squirt with his dick, etc etc. ……..

The next day, he mentioned, “Last night I felt something hard in your ass.”

“Oh yeah?” I said with interest.

“Yeah, I’m not sure what it was,” he said.

“Well I don’t keep my car keys up there,” I scoffed. “You felt a TURD!”

Of course it was embarrassing, but what are ya gonna do? Shit happens.

We’ve come up with an “anal forecast” system. Before we get in too deep, he checks in. “So what’s the anal forecast?”

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I’ve come up with the following Sex Spectrum – do you agree with it? Where do you fall? Where do(es) your partner(s) fall?

Repressed – thinks sex is distasteful, doesn’t recognize any fetishes or fantasies, thinks genitals are ugly, doesn’t masturbate, is uncomfortable with erogenous zones, could easily do without intimacy or sex, is pretty much offended by everything

Vanilla – holding, cuddling, standard sex positions, passionate lovemaking, oral, watching porn, monogamy, mutual masturbation, traditional gender roles, basic sex toys, sex in the bedroom/kitchen/basement work bench/backyard/hotel

Kinky – anal play (male or female), bondage using silk ties and scarves, teacher/secretary/cop fantasy roleplaying, exploring bisexuality, watching hardcore porn, taking pics/filming, female ejaculation, threesomes/foursomes/orgies, advanced sex toys, cross dressing, pegging, sex in a restaurant/elevator/public place, exploring basic fetishes (foot, hair, latex, lingerie, etc.)

Perverted – face slapping, rape and incest fantasy roleplaying, gang bangs, bondage involving rope, facefucking, watersports, forced bi/cuckolding/chastity, humiliation and objectification, public sex (with an audience), fisting, double penetration, pegging, crazy sex toys (ball gags, big dongs, strapons), sex in church/graveyard, exploring more unusual fetishes (unwashed, period, amputees, etc.)

Fucked Up – edgeplay (bukkake, bloodplay, bladeplay, gunplay, breathplay, needleplay, electro, caging, necrophilia), gimp masks, body bags, CBT (cock n ball torture), masturbating in a bible, mutilation, sex in a morgue, sex with a real student/relative/prisoner, exploring extreme fetishes (shit, bestiality, vomit, pedophilia)

Does this look about right? For instance, do you think anal falls under Vanilla or Kinky? I first wrote this three years ago, and now that I’ve revisited it, I’ve moved a lot of activities up a notch. For instance, three years ago I considered gang bangs “Fucked Up.” Now, I view them as “Perverted.” Also, I should state for the record that I don’t think any of these terms are derogative per se. It’s when you start harming yourself or others where I start to draw the line. And basically, the more taboo something is in our society, the more Perverted/Fucked Up it is.

Personally, I consider myself mostly Kinky, moderately Perverted, with a dash of Fucked Up. And of course I love me some Vanilla! How about you? I’d prefer if most people fell somewhere between Vanilla and Perverted.

(This post by Matthew deals with BDSM and part of the Dominant/Submissive dynamic therein.  If these terms are not familiar to you, the introductory paragraphs at this link will be helpful.)

So many times I have read and/or witnessed people stating ideas about who has the power or control in a Dominant/Submissive dynamic. Oftentimes, those people are giving an absolutely definitive answer. I say it is not that easy to define and I disagree with most of what I heard.

Here is an example of what I have heard most often referencing the topic at hand:

“The sub has all the power because they can use their safeword and stop the dom at anytime.Therefore, the sub is in control.”

I do not think that statement is logically sound and, at the risk of sounded a bit blunt, it is ignorant.

Question the Power Exchange

Who is in control?

Frankly, in the context of which I have heard this statement made, the informants have been snarky, petty and almost always submissive. Pardon me whilst I play devil’s advocate:

Is their no power in the swat of the dominant’s hand?

Is their no control in the placement of whatever tool the dominant is using?

What if the dominant decides to ignore the use of a safeword?

By the way, this statement is also logically unsound and ignorant:  “Dominants have all the power and control.”

The questions above are not simply meant to be answered.  I have used them to spawn some interesting conversations in the past, as is my hope here.

What about this? I know that Kendra likes being warmed up when she is getting spanked. Sometimes I just feel like smacking the shit out of her ass though. Do I have the power to do that? Yes. Do I have control over her when I do that? Yes. Do I think about her wants and needs before I do that? Sometimes.  What if I choose to push her to the point of using her safeword without her knowing my intentions? Who is in control then? Who has the power then?

The words power and control both have dominant connotations and are used quite often in ultimate ways pertaining to the Dominant/Submissive dynamic. In the end, the answer will vary from relationship to relationship.

I believe in order to have a successful and healthy Dominant/Submissive dynamic in a relationship, it must be based around a core of mutual respect, rather than power and control.  In fact, I prefer not to use power and control when defining my relationship with Kendra, either to myself or to others.  Have I used them?  Sure.  In some cases, they are the best descriptors.

What are your thoughts?

The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure

Have you ever noticed how some men are seriously into their dick? Like, it’s all they think about when it comes to getting off? The penis tends to hog the stage when it comes to experiencing sexual pleasure. Well, move over dick, because there’s a whole other world from the balls beyond.

I’m seeing an exciting trend among my male friends – more and more of them are starting to explore their bodies beyond their penis.

Granted, my friends are sex-positive for the most part, which means they are more open-minded than most of mainstream society.

But now, there’s an easily accessible guide for anyone interested in learning about the pleasures of the prostate. This book has been long time coming – it’s been 15 years since “Bend Over Boyfriend” video series planted an edgy seed. We’re making progress – more men are open to talk about it and ask questions.

Called The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure, it’s billed as an erotic exploration for men and their partners. You can buy the book on Amazon or Good Vibrations.

Charlie Glickman and Aislinn Emirzian

Authors Charlie Glickman and Aislinn Emirzian gleefully reported, “Our partners listened to us geek out about the prostate for months.” Yep, that’s what happens when your partners are passionate sex educators. It’s nice for the prostate to get some props for a change – usually all you hear about it is when it becomes cancerous.

Charlie and Aislinn have done a fantastic job compiling all the info into an easily accessible guide. I HIGHLY recommend it. It would be pretty awesome for a couple to read it together. In fact, this book and a beginner prostate toy would make an extremely thoughtful gift.

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I’ve had my yoni eggs for almost a year now. I’ve had them since before my hysterectomy.

I’ve futzed around with them off and on over the months, not really committing to them, just experimenting.

(Before you read any further, make sure you read my post yesterday all about yoni eggs so you know what the hell I’m talking about.)

It was a dark and stormy night…

One night, I had an intense phone conversation with my partner Matthew. Hectic life was getting in the way of our relationship and we weren’t feeling connected. The talk left me feeling agitated and upset. Exhausted, I went to sleep feeling like a smelly, wrung out dishrag.

At 3:40, I woke to great thunder and lightning. The tumultuous storm rattled the windows. I fretted and tried relaxing.

I drank a glass of wine.

I stuck my tiger’s eye yoni egg inside me – I wanted something inside. It was soo cold going in.

I frantically masturbated. When I came, I screamed. Then I cried hard, and fell back asleep. I had weird dreams, but don’t really remember them.

I woke to the alarm feeling dreary and drab, not refreshed.

My body clenched the egg tight, it didn’t want to let it go. I had to push it out, and when I did, it was really hot, and some ejaculate came with it.

More tears – this time from my pussy. More release.

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