How I Met My Partner

By Kendra Holliday | December 25, 2014

Such a good feeling.

Such a good feeling.

I’ve had many women ask me how I met my partner Matthew. How did I find a man who is confident, dominant,  sexy, funny, smart, and can be a stern dick OR a tender lover – AND know the time and the place to assume such opposite-end-of-the-spectrum roles!

Most men can only be a nice guy OR an asshole. It takes special talent to be both.

Seriously!

He knows what a woman wants – she wants it ALL. She wants to be treated like royalty, AND a slut. She wants comfort, AND freedom. (Psst, isn’t that what men want, too?)

Someone even joked that HE’S the new unicorn – a man who is OK with his woman doing her own thing, aka fucking other guys.

I truly have the best of both worlds – I’m in a committed, secure relationship, but enjoy the privilege of doing what I want with my own body. Most women who commit to a man (or woman, for that matter!) turn over the keys to their freedom.

And I tell you what – Matthew’s willingness to go with the crazy flow has worked out well for him – instead of pushing me away or the relationship imploding, we’ve both had some AMAZING experiences as King and Queen of TBK.

So how did I meet such an amazing man? We tell family members we met through a mutual friend, which is true, but the REAL story is more complicated than that. But of course! It HAS to be interesting to be a part of my world. Here is the scoop. I’ll try to be as succinct as possible.

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My First Time With a Sex Worker

By Kendra Holliday | December 25, 2014

Are you ready to check one of these out?

Are you ready to check one of these out?

A lot of men don’t have ready access to sex. I always suggest seeing a sex worker as an option. Some men are open to the idea, but some say they would rather suffer with celibacy the rest of their lives than stoop to that level. There’s so much stigma attached to it in our society!

I’m giving a Sex Worker Talk for Men Only on January 5. At the talk, I will answer questions about sex work (How should I interact with a sex worker? What if my partner is a sex worker? Can I be a sex worker? How do I stay safe?)

Recently, I counseled a married man who hasn’t had sex with his wife in three years. They have a great marriage with two young children. He loves his family dearly. In their case, he does not believe that sex is a barometer of their relationship. His wife is getting her physical and emotional needs met. He is getting his emotional needs met. But the lack of sex is really stressing him out! He’s been to therapists, couples counseling, she’s seen doctors…

So, he’s turning to sex work, and during his research, he found me and my unconventional methods. As he left our talk, he already looked like a different man – beaming and relieved – just thinking of all the possibilities most people won’t even consider.

Which brings me to this. A friend of mine in Florida tried seeing a sex worker for the first time last week. I asked him to share his story with my readers. Here it is! ENJOY this wonderful gift.

———–

I never expected to spend part of my evening with an escort.

It had been over three years since my last sexual experience, and longer than that from my last satisfying sexual experience. During that time, I had been meeting plenty of women and dating quite a few of them, but none of them seemed to be interested in me beyond platonic friendship.

After the last “let’s just be friends” conversation I found myself at loose ends, with no prospects in sight, at a time when my long shut-down sex drive was coming back with a vengeance. That’s when I realized that the possible solution to my long sexual drought was right in front of me. I could have a session with an escort.

Before taking the plunge, I took a lot of time to do research. The sex industry, as all TBK readers know, exists in a very gray area of the law, and, because of that, there are no consumer protections for customers (or protections for the providers, for that matter.) Ripoffs and poor service are all too common. Escorts cannot offer sexual services directly, so I had to become very good at reading between the lines on their ads. Along the way I discovered the USA Sex Guide (USASG) and The Erotic Review (TER), sites that became indispensable resources for my research. TER in particular is very useful, having comprehensive review coverage, and also including some great FAQs to help those new to the scene.

Rachel

Rachel

But it was the message boards at USASG that uncovered a gem: Rachel, an escort new to the scene working in a major city just to the north of where I lived. Men in the message board were positively gushing about her, in particular talking about how sweet, gentle, and unrushed her sessions were. I am very much into affection and touch, and I knew I had found my woman.

We made contact by email–unlike most escorts, Rachel did not post a phone number in her ad–and set up a time. She sent me her phone number so that we could text on the appointed day.

I was passing through her city on the way to another event, so I set the time for earlier that same day. In the days leading up to our session, I had a real feeling like a kid anticipating Christmas. The drought was about to end–I would have sex–and it had a date and time! It was all I could do to keep myself in the present moment in the days, then hours, leading up to our session.

I drove to the city to an independent bookstore close by her incall location and texted her to let her know I was there. She replied that she needed to start a bit later than our agreed-upon time, which was okay with me.

Her incall location turned out to be her home, in an older but nice neighborhood. The door was open to her place, and Rachel greeted me in a sheer robe. I took note of her tall, slim but shapely figure, and sweet face, and immediately felt the warmth and gentleness from her that the USASG posters had written about.

We kissed, and not just a little kiss, but an actual deep French kiss! Her Rottweiler greeted me as well–possibly the mellowest Rottweiler on the planet. We sat on the couch to talk for a bit.

I left the donation on the coffee table with no fanfare or fuss, just as protocol demanded; she didn’t pick it up or look at it. (This is done to avoid the appearance of directly paying for sex.)

Rachel showed me around her small but comfortable apartment, took me to the bedroom, and invited me to “get comfortable.” I took off all of my clothes. Since we were starting with a sensual body rub, I then lay face down on the bed. She took a few minutes to come in, and then we got started. The body rub was not like the professional massages I had received in the past; it was more touch, and visited areas LMTs don’t visit. In addition she added some sensual touches like sucking on my fingers and nibbling on my earlobes. It felt great, and it was a nice way to open our session.

Rachel invited me to turn over, and when I did, I found her with no clothes on, lovely 34C or so breasts in view, and with a very neatly trimmed bush. She started a blowjob, which made my fingers curl. Her technique was excellent; I never felt a tooth so much as graze my cock, and she added plenty of suction.

Unfortunately, the “little head” had other ideas, and obstinately refused to get hard. Rachel was determined, and tried different positions, varied her suction, rubbed my balls and perineum, to try to get things going, but there was nothing doing.

I drew her mouth away from my cock and towards my mouth, and we kissed. “You can always take the initiative,” Rachel said, gently. I realized had just been laying there. I kissed her. Passionately. Took her head in my hands and really kissed. I rolled us over. My hands went everywhere, breasts, waist, belly, thighs, bush. Finger on clit, some moaning; fingers in vulva, lots of moaning. Fingers moving in vulva, more moaning……..

….and as I did this something stirred inside of me that had long been dormant, through not just the three years of no sex, but the years before of bad or indifferent sex. It was a feeling of total freedom, of having this sweet and very willing woman with me that I could totally explore. I was hungry. I couldn’t kiss her enough, and Rachel was responding. We kept going. 69. Then her going down on me again. Then me going down on her.

Gradually the intensity began fading, but we were still in each other’s arms, talking to each other between kisses.

“You know what I love to do, Rachel?” “What?,” she said. “Get into bed and spoon, and sleep with a girl like that, all night.” She smiled and moaned, then rolled on her side and presented her back to me.

I curled up behind her, and as I took her in my arms a huge wave of emotion started. “I’ve missed this so much,” I said, as the tears started. I couldn’t believe how incredibly good she felt, and how much I had needed this, and she was so sweet with me, holding me as the tears came.

Eventually, I settled and felt so calm. Rachel stirred in my arms. “Would you like some ice cream?” A bit nonplussed but curious, I said yes, I would.

She left the bed, returned in a few minutes with Ben and Jerry’s with some Heath bars crushed inside. She curled up on me and began feeding me bites, then turned around to nestle in my arms, feeding me bites over the shoulder. I took the spoon from her and began feeding her bites, then immediately kissing her to try to get the “snowball” effect. It became a game–try to catch the snowball before one of us swallowed–and we laughed.

At one point, I accidentally dripped some ice cream on her chest, and went to lick it up, her playfully accusing me of doing it on purpose. So I started doing it on purpose, just because she said I was! I licked ice cream, and we laughed–and kissed.

Time lost meaning. I was sure we had gone past the hour we were supposed to have, but Rachel didn’t seem hurried at all. We kissed and touched some more, and I thought, as much as I didn’t want things to end, that I should be respectful of her time.

She appreciated it, but we didn’t exactly hurry out of bed. When we did finally get up, she went on her knees one more time to give me a blowjob, and try to get me to orgasm, finally, but the little head remanded obstinate.

Rachel kindly offered her shower so I could freshen up for my event that evening, in a small but very clean and inviting bathroom. I showered, feeling like I was in a dream, and came out to find her in a silk robe, arms open for me. We kissed, and kissed, and I finally said I had to go, but wanted one more big kiss. It took several minutes, and I finally, playfully yelled, “BREAK!” as I disengaged from her. I said good night, and left.

My session started at 5:15, exactly on time. I checked my phone in the car. It was ten minutes to EIGHT! She had given me over two hours, two very wonderful hours. I was so overwhelmed that I had to literally talk myself through driving on my way to my event.

Later, I needed to stop at the store to pick up some wine. As I entered the store, there was a literal tingling in me, head to toe, which I had not known in so long I had to think about placing it. It was perfect, wonderful contentment.

Rachel had given me a truly incredible and magical time–and there was room for it to be even better next time. I cannot even begin to express my gratitude to Rachel, who turned out to be perfect for me, on this, my first time with a provider, and my first time back in bed in years. Even now I still feel the waves of contentment.

– Creideiki

Can Creepy Men Be Cured?

By Kendra Holliday | December 23, 2014

Dear Kendra, I don’t know about you, but I know a lot of creepy men. What makes a man creepy? Can creepy men be cured? Or, once a creep, always a creep? Have you ever met a creepy woman?

Kendra replies:

All right, readers, I want feedback from YOU – tell me about an encounter you had with a creepy guy. What made it creepy? What are the qualities of a creep? Can creeps be cured?

Photo by Tim Rulo

Photo by Tim Rulo

Here is what I have to say on the subject – I hope reader input will help shape my understanding of this unfortunate issue.

Being in the sex industry, I’ve met A LOT of creeps. Here is an example: Two years ago, a man contacted me through this website. He wrote me a couple emails, then met me at an event I advertised – I was part of a sex fair that was open to the public. He seemed nice enough, and asked to meet me for coffee.

I said sure, so we met for coffee. At coffee, he asked me tons of questions and got this weird look in his eyes. He got excited from all the things I was sharing with him. He walked me to my car and asked if he could get in with me so he could ask me a question. A huge red flag went up, but I said sure, BECAUSE I’M AN IDIOT.

We sat in the car and he turned to me. “Can I kiss you?”

I sputtered no. I had NO interest in this guy. He was creepy. What made him think I wanted to make out with him? At least he didn’t lunge at me.

He whined a bit, then took his leave. I’m very lucky nothing bad happened. I appreciate that he asked and respected my reaction. NEVER put yourself in a closed space with someone you’re unsure of.

Later, he showed up for one of my TBK get togethers. He circled the party, stared, and kept to himself. His behavior made me uncomfortable.

Since then, he has emailed me two or three times asking when I’m going to have another get together.

I’ll tell you when: NEVER. Or if I do, it will be invite only.

It wasn’t just him that put a damper on the party for me – there were two other creepy guys there who drank too much and crossed some lines.

OK, so what made this particular guy creepy?

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Baby Toy or Adult Toy? You Be The Judge

By Kendra Holliday | December 13, 2014

So one day I posted a video on my YouTube channel (yes, I need to shoot another one soon!) showing off the difference between two vibrators and how they sounded. It got yanked for being inappropriate, due to the fact that I held an adult toy in my hand for less than 30 seconds. I duplicated the video here, only this time I used kid toys in place of the adult toys. This time it was considered appropriate, and got to stay.

That got me to thinking about baby toys vs. adult toys. (By they way, when my daughter was seven-years-old and found my sex toy stash, she exclaimed, “I’m so glad grownups get toys, too!” Such a healthy response!)  Below is a series of toys. Can you guess which is intended for babies, and which are for adults?

Baby toy or adult toy?

 

Baby toy or adult toy?

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The Private Gym – Give Your Cock a Workout!

By Kendra Holliday | November 30, 2014

Sigh. Stupid dick pics

Penis angst is epidemic.

Do you know how many men contact me seeking help regarding their penis?

A LOT. Like, five a day. That adds up to 1,825 a year on average.

They love their penises. They REALLY love their penises. They think about their penises a lot, and appreciate all the fun times and great sensations, but still. All is not rosy in the realm of Dick.

These men have a bone to pick with their penis. Complaints lodged against the maligned member include:

It’s not hard enough.

It’s not big enough.

It cums too fast.

It’s unreliable.

It’s too old.

It’s out of control.

If you would like better control over your penis, more reliable erections, more powerful orgasms, and help reigning in premature ejaculation, then I invite you to sign up for The Private Gym.

From the press release:

The Private Gym, LLC announced today the release of its groundbreaking, innovative fitness program, Private Gym, the first FDA registered exercise program that strengthens the pelvic muscles. Using the Private Gym program, in less than 10 minutes a day, three days a week can strengthen the muscles that support and control the penis. Pelvic muscle training results in more rigid erections, reduction of premature ejaculation and heightening of orgasms, as well as support of prostate health and improvement of urinary control. Aside from boosting sexual performance, achieving fit pelvic muscles can help prevent the onset of erectile dysfunction.

Private Gym - Work your penis!

Private Gym – Work your penis!

I have to admit, upon first glance, I was skeptical. It seemed to be a lot of slick marketing.

But as I dug deeper and reviewed the 8 Week Exercise Program + Resistance Equipment, I started to see the value in this penis strengthening option. I have a pelvic floor barbell and yoni eggs, so why shouldn’t men have something like that for their secret sex muscles?

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Breaking Down the Wall in Polyamory

By Kendra Holliday | November 23, 2014

Here’s an email I got the other day, describing a very common non-monogamy scenario:

I am in my first open relationship of two years and it has been (mostly) extremely rewarding.

I am wondering your opinion on where the middle ground lies in taking responsibility for your jealousy.My partner just got back from a two month trip where he was with another lover.

I’ve been aware of my jealousy of his lover meeting his friends and spending so much time with him. As a way to deal with that, I asked him not to tell me details. We agreed it was complete off-leash time when we are away from one another, so I take responsibility for that.

But now he is back and I feel like it his responsibility to make an effort to show me that he is excited to connect with me again and spend quality time with me. As his primary partner, I do not want to just be the person he comes back home to and that’s it.

Should there be work involved on both parties in a relationships to address the rough spots when it comes to jealousy?

My response:

I applaud you for your willingness to try an open relationship. I have to say, it would be a big deal for me if my man was with another lover for two days, much less two months! So, kudos to you for being that open and flexible.

A lot of people adopt a “don’t ask, don’t tell policy” when it comes to dating other people. It might work for some, but I tend to see it as a red flag. Asking your partner not to share details is fine for a certain period of time, but not good as a general rule. It pulls a wall up.

Sometimes I’ll ask my partner not to share details until I am ready, like when we are in person and have quality time. In fact, I did this the other day. My partner told me a woman he’s dating was going to stop by. He asked if I was okay with them having sexy time.

I was feeling fragile, but didn’t want to get in the way of his good time, so I told him I was okay with it, but I didn’t want to hear the details until later. Usually, we share details with each other right away.

I’m reminded of a movie I saw the other day on the plane, Maleficent. It’s based on the Grimm fairy tale, Sleeping Beauty, where the castle is surrounded by an impenetrable wall of thorns.

Be careful about putting up walls

Be careful about putting up walls

My partner is amazingly intuitive and could sense I put a wall up. Instead of plowing forward and doing his thing, or getting upset with me for raining on his parade, he quickly addressed my feelings and adjusted accordingly.

They hung out and had fun, but didn’t have sexy time. They did have sexy time the following week, and it was fine. I was in a good place, they were in a good place.

When you asked your partner not to share details with you regarding all the intimacy he shared while you were apart, that put a pretty big wall up.

A wall of fear.

So now that a wall is up, it’s hard for him to feel close to you. He’s not sure how to climb the wall, or knock it down. He might not have the ladder or hammer needed – the tools for tricky emotional navigation. Is it safe to climb the wall? Will knocking the wall down damage the relationship? He might even feel like you put a spell on the wall, and he doesn’t know how to break the spell. In the real world, it takes more than just a kiss!

Ideally, relationships should be open and honest. Bring the walls down. The (respectful) truth shall set you free. Relationships where some topics are off limits don’t tend to be sustainable. Besides, reality is never as wild as our imaginations! Be careful about writing someone else’s story.

So, yes! It is both your responsibility to work this out and learn from it for future experiences.

A good relationship is give and give.

Keep being brave and vulnerable!

Replace the fear with love!

Not Again! Why Square Banned Me

By Kendra Holliday | November 20, 2014

Last week, I was in Japan and a client tried emailing me a deposit for a future appointment via Square. (I offer sex and relationship consulting – my professional website is called Be Open and Honest.)

The payment failed. He tried again, to no avail.

That was strange – I’ve been using Square for months, and have loved its ease and customer service. I was SO happy to find an option for sending and receiving money online. I’ve been in search of that service ever since PayPal banned me three years ago for having adult content.

I wrote a message to Square:

Hello,
I’ve had a couple people try sending me cash via email/debit card this week and it is not working. We get this message:
“Cash couldn’t be sent. There was an issue sending to you.”
It was working last week. Can you please look into it and see what the issue is?
Please let me know if you need any other information from me in order to investigate. Thank you for looking into this and letting me know what the problem is.
Kendra Holliday

I received this reply:

Hello,

After a recent review of your transfer of funds, we detected the use of Square Cash for commercial activity in violation of Square’s Seller Agreement. As a result, you will no longer be able to use Square Cash to send or receive payments.

Visit the Square website for more information regarding the Square Cash Agreement (https://squareup.com/legal/cash-ua).

Thank you for your cooperation.

Carmen
Square Compliance​

Oh, no! I wrote back:

Hello Carmen,

Thank you very much for your reply. I was not aware I was violating your
terms, I am sorry about that! I provide counseling services. May I still
use Square for transactions using my phone/card reader or manually entering
the number? I loved using Square Cash because it was so easy and clients
didn’t need to give me their credit card number. Is is possible to use
Square Cash and pay a fee for each transaction?

I really hope to still work with you – Square has been the best innovation
for this mobile world of diverse business!

Thank you,
Kendra

She replied:

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Back from Japan!

By Kendra Holliday | November 17, 2014

Last week I was in Tokyo on business.

TOKYO!

8000 miles away! Halfway around the world!

It was an amazing experience!

It’s always been a dream of mine to visit Japan. I’ve heard so much about it- the fetish clubs, the crazy game shows, the cat cafes and ninja restaurants…

Me at the base of a shrine

Me at the base of a shrine

I got to fly First Class and hang out in the fancy frequent flyer club – I didn’t even know those places existed! Normally I camp out in airports at the gate or sports bars like common folk. It turns out there are HUGE private areas where privileged people can have their own mini-office, lounge area, and free booze!

I had a few glasses of wine before I got on the 12 hour flight. I’m so bad like that! But I also drank a lot of water.

I kind of hate flying. I try distracting myself with books, podcasts, movies, so that I don’t think about the plane suddenly breaking apart and plummeting to the ground in -60 oxygenless atmosphere.

On this flight, I saw the epic movie Boyhood, caught up on podcasts (RISK, Snap Judgement, This American Life), and read porn star memoirs by Asa Akira and Madison Young. They are both so amazing and daring and interesting! So raw and honest, they both described anal scenes where they bled unexpectedly, with different outcomes.

Thankfully, I managed to get to Tokyo without any crashing or anal bleeding.

I opted not to take any sex toys with me – I like traveling light and reacquainting myself with my hand on occasion. I kind of wanted to see how long I could go without needing an orgasm, but with all that reading of hot porn scenes (and then having to look up porn clips for reference), I had to take care of myself three or four times.

Matthew had one date while I was gone. I was hoping to Skype in to watch them enjoy each other, but alas, timing didn’t work out. I was 15 hours ahead of St Louis!

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The Pornographer’s Daughter

By Kendra Holliday | November 8, 2014

The Pornographer's Daughter

The Pornographer’s Daughter

Have you ever seen the classic porn film Deep Throat starring Linda Lovelace? It’s the one where a woman’s clitoris is located in the back of her throat, so she gets off deep throating cocks in a talented and silly fashion, to the delight of men everywhere.

Man, I wouldn’t mind having a couple extra clits in fun places – how about my ears, armpits, and oh, I don’t know – my VAGINA?? Did you know pigs have clits located in their vagina? WTF God, why’d you drop the ball with us humans?? No wonder we love bacon so much!

But I digress.

Deep Throat was a huge sensation back in the 1970’s, and was shown in mainstream movie theaters in an effort to capitalize on the sexual freedom fad making its rounds in the United States.

Except, not everyone was on board.

Some people in power wanted to SHUT IT DOWN, and punish the people distributing it in a ruthless and unreasonable manner.

Enter The Pornographer’s Daughter by Kristin Battista-Frazee. (Don’t you love the cover??) Kristin documented her family’s terrible tangle with the powers that be, and it got pretty crazy.

The Battista’s family life starts out normal in 1970’s Philadelphia – Kristin is a toddler, her dad’s a stockbroker, her mom’s a housewife.

Then her dad is offered an opportunity by friends to make some extra money on the side distributing the porn film Deep Throat. He goes for it.

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The Old Lady at the Orgy

By Kendra Holliday | October 25, 2014

Have you ever fallen asleep at an orgy?

I have. But not because it was boring – GOD NO.

Let me explain!

The other night we had a double date with a couple. We asked if we could invite our girlfriend Lana along, and they said sure. It’s a good thing, because she is down for just about anything!

Look how patriotic we are! I’m the Red, Lana is the White, and Kinky Cobra is the Blue.

Red, white, and blue! We're doing it for our country!

Red, white, and blue! We’re doing it for our country!

We went out for dinner and drinks, then headed back to Matthew’s house.

(Oh and by the way, I consider an orgy anything more than a foursome. So this was a mini-orgy, really.)

Matthew had the place decked out for love, as usual – sumptuous zen cozy, with lots of rich browns, burgundies, soft textures, and illuminated by candlelight everywhere, with sexy music playing in the background. He is my consummate King, and knows how to set the mood!

That said, I know me, and lately I haven’t been sleeping well, plus I’m the type to go to bed at 10pm, and I was hanging with a crew that crashes around 1 or 2am! The couple is in their 20’s, Lana and Matthew are in their 30’s – I was the only one who is in my 40’s. I was the old lady at the orgy! LOL

So I knew I had to act fast if I was going to play along, and WOW did I want to play along!

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A Light Taste of BDSM

By Kendra Holliday | October 24, 2014

Note: This is a guest post from a curious friend of mine who joined us in the bedroom the other day! Here is a pic from that evening:

Double the fun by candlelight!

Double the fun by candlelight!

As a single woman, I’ve made a conscious decision after a long marriage with a stale vanilla sex life to explore my sexuality. I decided to be open to experiencing most anything. To my surprise, I’ve enjoyed things that I never dreamed I would. If you would have told me four years ago that I would enjoy open relationships, being with a woman, group sex, swinging, sex work, and, most recently, spending time with a Dom/sub and exploring that dynamic, I would have laughed!

I’ve screwed up, had my heart broken, hurt others which I regret, but I’ve learned so much and have gained so many friends. I wouldn’t trade these experiences for anything. I’m excited for the next steps in my exploration, so when I had a small taste of being dominated by a novice, I wanted to learn more from someone who was more experienced and could share what it’s like to be a true Dom. As a friend of Kendra’s, I knew that she and Matthew share a dynamic Dom/sub relationship so I requested an interview of sorts with Matthew.

I arrived at his house after a long day at work with bourbon, wine and an aptly named Romeo and Juliette cigar in tow. I’d met Matthew before in passing, but we’d never really talked in depth. He’s an intimidating hulk of a man bear!

But, the first thing I noticed about Matthew is he has a presence; he commands a space, and it’s not only due to his size. He possesses a quiet, strong confidence that says without a doubt that he’s in control. I sunk into one side of his suede sectional adjacent to Kendra while Matthew brought us each a glass of wine. He took the corner in the middle of us and beckoned us closer. We looked like tiny tugboats flanking a massive ocean liner. In fact, Kendra mentioned that she enjoys being in his wake and following his lead. I joked with him, immediately guessing he was a fellow Gemini as we seemed to possess some of the typical Gem characteristics, one of which is the ability to immediately put others at ease.

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So You Want to be a Sex Worker…

By Kendra Holliday | October 23, 2014

Hello! Do I know you?

Hello! Do I know you?

I’m hosting a special SEX+STL event next month!

So You Want to be a Sex Worker…

When: Monday, November 24, 7-9pm

Where: private location

Cost: $20 per person

This event is screened and private and for women only.
(In order to attend a SEX+STL private event, you need to attend one of our public events or meet one of the leaders first.)

Interested in learning about sex work? How do you find clients? How do you stay safe? How do you keep healthy? How much do you charge? What kind of situations might you encounter? Where should you do it? What are the rules? All these questions and more will be honestly and frankly answered at this fascinating and rare opportunity. Be ready to take notes!

Kendra Holliday, a seasoned sex worker, will share tips and best practices for being a successful sex worker.

BONUS CO-HOST: A woman from the first workshop we had will be on hand to share her experience and answer questions!

Practicing and former sex workers, and those curious or serious about trying sex work are welcome to attend.

RSVP to kendra@thebeautifulkind.com to request a spot.

$20/person. Bring a snack or drink if you’d like.

Topics covered include phone sex, dancing, escorting, erotic massage, surrogacy, dominatrix and more.

How to Receive Head: 3 Simple Suggestions

By Matthew | September 22, 2014

There are a great many resources on giving oral sex. From videos and articles, books and blog posts, one can find all kinds of information on how to give great blowjobs and eat some fierce pussy. But what about being skilled at receiving it?

Huh? Yes, you read that right.

Oral sex should satisfy both the giver and receiver at the same time, albeit not necessarily in the same way, but satisfying nonetheless. In order to make that happen, the receiver needs to be as active, at least mentally, as the giver. You have to find out what your partner likes. How? Here are some thoughts from my partner, Matthew…

You deserve oral worship.

1. Be Assertive

This is a big one. Don’t be afraid talk to your partner. This may take some getting used to for both of you. Some people find it embarrassing or “not right” to talk about sex openly, let alone talk while having it. Tell your partner what you like about what they are doing. Let them know they are making you feel good! “That feels amazing!” or “Yes!!  Right there!” are great places to start.

You can also fantasize with your partner through speech. If you know about a particular fantasy your partner has, or you have one of your own, try acting that out. Maybe she is your secretary or co-worker. Maybe he is that young stud you’ve been wanting to have your way with for a while. Roleplaying and fantasy are great ways to live out desires without the possible repercussions of actually doing them. The possibilities are endless, but you’ll never know any of them until you try.

Lastly, but certainly not in the least, if and when you have an orgasm, in the name of all that is good; vocalize it. “Yesssss!!!”  “I’m Cumming!!!” “Holy Fucking Shit!” or whatever comes out. (On the subject of whatever comes out: Men – do not surprise your partner with a mouthful of cum. You must let them know you are about to release so they can control where it goes. Unless of course you’ve talked about it and know what your partner prefers.)

2. Be Active

This can happen in numerous ways. Of course you shouldn’t immediately jam your dick down their throat or suffocate them with your grinding pussy. Start with a slight push toward them. Pay attention to their reaction or ask them if they like that. If they do, then you can push or grind a bit more. You’ll eventually find a comfortable amount for both of you. Keep in mind, everyone is different in their preferences. Some people like their face smothered or their mouth fucked hard and they get great pleasure from it.

Try touching their head, shoulder, cheeks, or hair in different ways. Remember always start lightly and move to more intense sensations. If you find your partner enjoys their hair gripped and head controlled, do it. If you find your partner likes his face ground into and thighs clinched around his cheeks, do it. It will make is more pleasurable for them.

3. Be Adaptive

Don’t get get stuck receiving oral in the same place, at the same time, in the same way, for the same reason. Try new positions like standing or lying on your side. Different environments can offer amazing amounts of excitement. Of course you need to be very mindful of some environments (i.e. elevators, cars, public bathrooms, dressing rooms, parking garages, wooded areas, etc.), but great pleasure can be realized from short sessions of oral sex. It doesn’t always have to be done to orgasmic completion. After all, foreplay and build up are great pleasure paths.

Certainly this list of thoughts and suggestions is just that. Everyone is different and derives pleasure in different ways. However, not many people want to feel like what they are doing is not appreciated. If you keep that in mind, you can come up with many more ways to make oral sex an even more amazing part of your life.

Now, go forth, and receive head.

What are your oral sex tips?

 

“My New Love Interest Has Herpes. What Do I Do?!”

By Kendra Holliday | September 22, 2014

Dear Kendra,

I’m about to start a relationship and the woman told me she has genital herpes. I like her, but sex is a really important part of a relationship to me and I’m not sure how to safely deal with this. I want to do the right thing by both of us and I just don’t know how to proceed. I’m also worried that this will make me more timid when/if we do have sex, which would not be as much fun for me.

My reply:

My friend had this posted as her status update on facebook the other day:

“When I was in 2nd grade we were given an assignment to write about the three things we feared most. I chose 1) killer bees 2) Russia 3) herpes.”

Good news for those who haven’t been properly educated since the 2nd grade – herpes is not as big a deal as you think. Here, a man who has herpes tells his story:

“I’ve had herpes for 35-plus years. It’s been an occasional complication when dating, but rarely a deal breaker. I can only remember one woman deciding not to have sex after I told her about the herpes. It did take my now-fiancée a number of months, a lot of research and an evaluation of the risks to decide to have protected sex.

I’ve (almost) always told potential lovers about the herpes *before* sex. That’s just plain respectful and ethical. It’s best to have the discussion before you start seriously thinking about ripping each other’s clothes off. I’m not proud of the few times I was not honest and ethical. Liquor and lust are not acceptable excuses.

A surprising number of times the woman (including my to-be/now-ex wife) has said ‘Oh. I have herpes too.’

Blood tests show that around 16% of the U.S. population has herpes. Of those, only around 20% are aware that they have it; the other 80% have no symptoms or symptoms so mild that they don’t recognize them. Infection rates are higher for women (nearly 21%) than men (11.5%). (Source: CDC)

(If one person knows that they have herpes and the other person believes that they don’t, that person might want to get tested. Maybe he/she already unknowingly has herpes.)

(more…)

Surreal Disconnect

By Kendra Holliday | September 16, 2014

Things have been surreal lately.

I just got back from Europe and have been slammed. I’m working a day job and have two or three appointments every evening. A client is flying in from Hawaii this weekend to see me and recharge his mojo. I also have a spa day at The Chase reserved with a girlfriend, a gift from a friend who appreciates what I do. I have a sexy date with FOUR people Friday night (see this post? I get to be with the two women my partner was with while I was in Germany, plus a tall, dark and handsome young man! My fantasies are coming true!) I’m seeing one of my favorite bands, Iron and Wine next week with my partner. I’m planning a big swinger party and girl pile next month. I’m plotting all kinds of trips to amazing locales. RESPONSIBLE HEDONISM. Living a rich and beautiful life as a strong and independent woman. I’m making it happen. I have positive energy to share. I love, enjoy, and appreciate life so much.

The one thing I am lacking is time.

On the flip side, my inbox is rowdy – trust me, you don’t want to see it. I get a lot of people contacting me daily from around the world, trying to push boundaries and waste my time.  The weird energy has been crazy lately. It must be the solar flares!

Here’s an example. Some guy with no profile pic named Mike has been pestering me, asking me questions. At first I was nice, but of course, if you give an inch, they’ll take a mile. Finally, I wrote to him:

Hey. You know me. You know a lot about me. You know what I look like, what I do, all kinds of exciting stuff about me. I don’t know you. I don’t know what you look like, where you live, what you’re about. You are a stranger poking me, asking me questions. I get this all the time, and it’s a weird imbalance I’m not comfortable with. So please keep following my blog, twitter, etc, but don’t assume we are insta-friends. Thank you.

I try and respond positively to every person who contacts me. I try giving every one a chance, but it’s becoming overwhelming. I’m learning I need to start deleting the time wasters right away, the people who write to me with, “Hi.” Sometimes I feel like a sow with a bunch of piglets fighting for my teats. It’s draining!

So I guess the purpose of this post is to let you know I want to help as many people as I can, but I need to stick with the people who are willing to operate on my terms. I have a policy for how I do consultations. If you don’t like it, book a consult with someone else. I screen my play parties. If you don’t like it, find some other party to attend. I am one woman offering extraordinary services. If you want something from me – advice, validation, intimacy, an amazing experience – how can you help me or the community in return?

I’d like to recommend two books I’ve been reading lately – Give and Take, and 29 Gifts. In order to find happiness and abundance, you need to give back and practice gratitude.

I operate on mutual respect. I practice Cowboy Ethics. So if you contact me out of the blue, please take a moment to offer a greeting and tell me a little about yourself.

Thank you!

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