Bitches Be Trippin’

By Kendra Holliday | December 8, 2012 at 4:32 pm

Artist rendition of what happened to me earlier today

Seriously.

Today did not turn out as planned.

I took this picture this morning, feeling all sexy in my new cute undies:

I love polka dots!

See my hysterectomy scar on the left? So cute!

I’ve been wanting to get more exercise because I work in an office and it’s getting to be winter and I’m feeling like a slug, so I signed my daughter and myself up for Ami Amore’’s Beginner’s Bellydance Boot Camp. I figured it would be a great mother-daughter activity.

This is Ami:

Ami Amore’ – photo by The Dancers Eye – Fine Art Bellydance Photography

Yummy for your tummy, no?

So I’m running late for the class, which is rude and dumb. As the Hawaiian saying goes: “Sexy people don’t rush.”

But there I am, rushing down Cherokee St, hands full, daughter in tow, when all of a sudden I catch the uneven sidewalk with my foot and go FLYING. About three sidewalk squares up, I do a hardcore faceplant.

My daughter turns and sees me lying facedown, blood pouring from my head.

She starts freaking out. The people standing around are like, “Oh geez, white lady on the ground, what the fuck?”

I look up, and blood is pouring down my front – all over my shirt and pants, splashing on the sidewalk. My keys, phone, cup of water are all scraped up and wet.

Someone hands me a roll of paper towels. I’m stunned.

Miraculously, my glasses aren’t smashed (they flew off or something), and none of my teeth are knocked out. Best of all, I haven’t bitten my tongue off.

All the blood is coming from a gash right under my chin.

I’m acutely embarrassed. A couple years ago, I witnessed a friend of mine do the exact same thing on a Cherokee St sidewalk – she got a concussion. It was terrifying to witness, and now I got to do the honors.

If you are on Cherokee St – and lord knows you should be, since it is so awesome and full of character and has so much good stuff going on -

WATCH YOUR STEP.

I’m not sure what to do – my daughter is freaking out, she’s so scared I’m dying or something, and people are asking if they should call a doctor, when all of a sudden my friend Elaine swoops in and ushers me to Ami’s bathroom to tend to my wounds.

I look like this:

Color me red with chagrin

She dresses my wounds and tells me Ami is going to give me edamame. I’m confused – why is Ami giving me edamame? Do I look like I need a snack?

It turns out it’s a bag of frozen edamame and I’m to apply it to my face. OH, right.

I try to give Ami money for the class but she refuses to take it, which makes me feel bad, plus I’m holding up the class.

So I go sit out in the hallway with my daughter and she’s being so sweet and amazing, telling me how grateful she is for me and she’s crying with relief and then we’re laughing, albeit shakily. She says, “You’re so brave!” I assure her it’s because I’m in shock.

After I give myself several minutes to pull it  together, I drive home and get in bed after throwing my clothes in the wash (I think most of the blood came out, yay!)

When the bag of edamame thaws, we eat it. Protein!

Right now, I look like a battered woman. My left eye even looks like a right-handed person punched it (but not super hard). My chin is stupid. I’d try and start a rumor in order to make things more interesting/dramatic, except I have a dozen witnesses to my downfall.

Sigh.

I suppose it was high time I got a lesson in humility.

Before I try taking another dance lesson, I’m going to work on my walking.

Thank you to everyone who helped me out, especially the strangers on the street. I was too stunned to thank them. Elaine is a regular Florence Nightingale – as soon as she entered the picture, I knew I would be fine. And Ami rocks. And her class of students played it cool, which I appreciated very much. And my dear daughter – I’m glad it wasn’t her!

OK, gonna go heal now, and try and keep my chin from falling off. Now Matthew has to tend to his broken slut. I’m so high maintenance. He’s so good to me.

Phew thank god I still have a tongue…

Comments

santa 2012-12-09 01:13:41

I hope you’re feeling better! I’m sure the scar on your chin will be very sexy…eventually!!! Santa

Reply

Todd 2012-12-09 01:42:06

It doesn’t look bad. It adds character..

Reply

rarry 2012-12-09 08:19:14

At least you got your walking caution back before the icy season comes. That’s where a fall could really take you out. Watch for signs of concussion.

Reply

Bianca 2012-12-09 12:27:13

Scary to see you all bloody. Take care of yourself ♥♥♥♥

Reply

DH 2012-12-09 13:07:59

Three fucking sidewalk squares? WOW! Glad it wasn’t worse!

Reply

Creideiki 2012-12-09 13:17:16

Falls are only fun in the movies. I’m glad it looked worse than it actually was, and that you were well cared for.

Reply

ElaineGS 2012-12-09 14:29:41

I’m so glad it wasn’t a broken nose or smashed teeth, Kendra. You may be a little whiplash-y in a day or two. If it starts, don’t let it get too far along before you see a doctor.

Reply

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