Interview with Cooper from Life on the Swingset

Queen of Hearts Ball Feb 25!

I’ll go ahead and say it – I don’t get the local swinger community.

I’d like swanky, classy places to socialize with other swingers, not seedy bars and creepy hotels.

So I thought it would be nice to create the kind of event I’D like to see available in St. Louis.

We also thought it would be nice to have a fundraiser for Sex Positive St. Louis, since we’re an all-volunteer organization and offer so many free things to the community – resources, events, advice – if it’s sexy, we’ve given it away for free.

Enter the Queen of Hearts Ball.

We went out of our way to make this fundraiser extra special, including having it at one of the nicest bars in town (LOLA!), and inviting a nationally known couple in the sex-positive community as our guests of honor.

I’m very excited for you to meet Cooper and Marilyn Beckett of Life on the Swingset! They’re coming in from out of town just for this party.

About their website:

My wife Marilyn and I started “Life on the Swingset” as a primer to the lifestyle for those just starting their exploration, those who are simply considering the idea, and those already on board this crazy ride on the swingset.  We’ve assembled a wonderful collection of open minded and friendly people to contribute blogs, sex toy reviews, and podcasts, and to discuss a very unique Lifestyle with gusto and enthusiasm.

Swingers, polyamorists, triads, BDSM folk, other open people, there’s something here for everybody who subscribes to the notion that sexual exploration and openness is healthy, friendly, and most importantly FUN.

One of my favorite interviews on their website is this one with Terry Gould, the author of The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers.

I interviewed Cooper over on Sex Positive St. Louis, but I also asked him a few questions to share here.

I met Cooper and Marilyn last summer, and of course we had sex. Or at least, in my opinion we did. They had SO MANY TOYS! And Marilyn squirted so much! And Cooper ate my pussy! And I sucked his dick! And there were naked bodies everywhere!

OK, on to the questions…

Kendra: I’m writing an article about Penis-in-Vagina sex for my website and wanted to ask you questions as a swinger: Did we have sex when we met up this summer? Were you happy with what we did? Did you feel like the experience was incomplete because we didn’t have penis-in-vagina intercourse?

Cooper: Yes I would say we had sex. Oral sex counts as sex in my book. Though it’s one of those labels then that were you explaining to someone else, you may quantify. I was very happy with what we did, enjoyed you thoroughly. I did not feel the experience was incomplete, it just gives me something new to look forward to the next time I see you!

Kendra: My friend had a date with a swinger couple the other night and she told them she was down for playing, but that Penis-in-Vagina was off-limits that night. The couple was disappointed to hear that, and the man commented, “But then it won’t count.” What did he mean by that?

Life on the Swingset logo

Cooper: Well, first of all, even if this guy’s thinking such an odd thing, he ought not to have said it. I think in general we societally have this expectation that sex = Penis in Vagina, and everything else is just foreplay. I know I did when we started in the swinging lifestyle. Since then I’ve learned techniques and talents that make every aspect of the experience something worth holding onto, taking time with, and thus the PIV is not AS important. As for it not counting, if I am lucky enough to spend any sexual time with a sexy lady. I consider it “counting”.

Kendra: Is Penis-in-Vagina an important goal in swinging, or just a nice option to have? Do you know couples who are all about “scoring,” or are most swinger couples into the experience of trying new sex with new people, and the details aren’t that important?

Cooper: Well, most of the swingers I know are full swap swingers. This doesn’t mean that PIV happens every time, but it does mean it’s always there as an option, and usually happens. That said, if it wasn’t going to happen for the night, I certainly wouldn’t say “that didn’t count.” I know couples of every swatch in the swinging genre and yes, many of them are about scoring, especially the level of swingers we don’t necessarily enjoy playing with. (The hi, let’s fuck swingers) But I would say most of the people we know and have met are more interested in exploring. PIV is a sort of expected conclusion unless you’re exploring with soft swappers, I’d say.

Kendra: Is soft swap looked down upon or judged, or is it cheerfully respected? Do full swappers feel superior, or do they just realize they have different boundaries and goals when it comes to their play?

Cooper: I personally think soft swappers are cutting themselves off from potential wonderful experiences by limiting their play. But I think that about most levels of restrictions. (ie, limiting your play to the opposite sex, you’re cutting yourself off from experiencing things that are awesome, though you may not like it) I also, in my experience, have found that soft swappers are generally new swingers, still very tenative, taking baby steps, which can be very beneficial when exploring such potentially emotionally charged, new territory.

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Please take a step in the right direction and come to Queen of Hearts! Ask Cooper questions of your own! And of course, you need not be a swinger per se to attend the Queen of Hearts Ball, just open-minded. Having good taste helps, too. Just wait til you see my Red Queen costume!