By Kendra Holliday | July 6, 2011 at 4:15 pm
I don’t know about you, but I know a lot of creepy men. What makes a man creepy? Can creepy men be cured? Or, once a creep, always a creep? Have you ever met a creepy woman?
All right, readers, I want feedback from YOU – tell me about an encounter you had with a creepy guy. What made it creepy? What are the qualities of a creep? Can creeps be cured?
Here is what I have to say on the subject – I hope reader input will help shape my understanding of this unfortunate issue.
Being in the sex industry, I’ve met A LOT of creeps. Here is an example: Two years ago, a man contacted me through this website. He wrote me a couple emails, then met me at an event I advertised – I was part of a sex fair that was open to the public. He seemed nice enough, and asked to meet me for coffee.
I said sure, so we met for coffee. At coffee, he asked me tons of questions and got this weird look in his eyes. He got excited from all the things I was sharing with him. He walked me to my car and asked if he could get in with me so he could ask me a question. A huge red flag went up, but I said sure, BECAUSE I’M AN IDIOT.
We sat in the car and he turned to me. “Can I kiss you?”
I sputtered no. I had NO interest in this guy. He was creepy. What made him think I wanted to make out with him? At least he didn’t lunge at me.
He whined a bit, then took his leave. I’m very lucky nothing bad happened. I appreciate that he asked and respected my reaction. NEVER put yourself in a closed space with someone you’re unsure of.
Later, he showed up for one of my TBK get togethers. He circled the party, stared, and kept to himself. His behavior made me uncomfortable.
Since then, he has emailed me two or three times asking when I’m going to have another get together.
I’ll tell you when: NEVER. Or if I do, it will be invite only.
It wasn’t just him that put a damper on the party for me – there were two other creepy guys there who drank too much and crossed some lines.
OK, so what made this particular guy creepy?
1. He had awkward social skills. He wasn’t warm or personable. He came off as kindof cold. He had a bad vibe.
2. HE BROUGHT NOTHING TO THE TABLE. As I sat there and regaled him with interesting stories and advice, I realized I was providing all the entertainment, and that I was basically wasting my time. When I interact with someone, I want there to be give and take.
3. He was predatory. He watched me like a chickenhawk, staring constantly, circling the party like a wolf. It’s important to be assertive and go after what you want, but don’t treat the person like a walking steak.
4. He had a mustache. Some women love mustaches, but I’m not one of them. Not sure why – maybe because I associate them with cops or 70′s porn stars?
Other things that make a man creepy:
- Being manipulative. Trying to guilt a woman into doing something, trying to wheedle something out of her.
- Being selfish. A creepy man’s goal is to score, and if he keeps macking on a woman even though she’s not giving him signals that she’s into it, that’s fucked up.
Here are my big suggestions on how to not be creepy:
- Bring something to the table. Be good looking, smart, charming, sexy, thoughtful, attentive, and if you are lacking enough of those characteristics, then at least be rich.
- Make a woman WANT you. Leave her wanting more. So many men’s main goal is to get their dick in a hole. It’s so refreshing when a man plays the game differently – I’m always shocked when a man doesn’t try to fuck me right away. It’s happened a couple times. Being patient and in control is very sexy. Eager and pushy is not.
- Be respectful. Don’t stare rudely. Respect personal space and boundaries. Don’t be crude with a woman you just met. I’ve seen Matthew say to a girlfriend of ours at a bar: “So you want to take my load, huh?” If some other guy were to use a line like that, it would be nasty and inappropriate. But Matthew has already paved the way for it to be hot and welcoming, because he has established that the woman is totally into him through conversations, building rapport, and being attentive to what turns her on. This is why he should give lessons on confidence and how to please women and be successful in the dating game. SO MANY MEN DON’T HAVE A CLUE.
I hope this provides a few clues on how to interact with others. So often a guy is creepy and then we avoid them, which isn’t constructive. Someone needs to let them know what he’s doing that puts people off and offer suggestions on how to improve his social skills. Is that someone you?
I didn’t even get to the question, “Do you know any creepy women?” Do you? I know at least one – she gets drunk and doesn’t respect other’s personal space.