By Kendra Holliday | December 22, 2018
Category Archives: Body Talk
“I like your butthole.”
I was lying facedown on my bed, naked, receiving a wonderful massage from a man with strong, capable hands.
I’m pretty sure I’ve never been given THAT compliment before!
I exclaimed, “What?! Really?! I have a funny butthole.” When I gave birth to my daughter 18 years ago, the stretching left a little skin tag on my anus that looks like I’m sticking my tongue out at you. I hated it, and asked for doctors to remove it, but they refuse, saying it’s fine the way it is.
And apparently, my play partner du jour likes it just fine. He told me he browses web cam girls, and has a special thing for feet and buttholes. He said, “A girl can have a pretty face and amazing body, but if she has gnarly feet or a gaping butthole, I can’t stick around.”
In fact, we ended up doing something different that day – he gave me a foot massage while I gave him a prostate massage – how cool is that! It felt very symbiotic.
I’ve posted a lot of up close and personal, aka graphic, photos on this blog – pics of my uterus, my cervix, my vulva, my breasts – but I don’t think I will ever post a pic of my asshole. You’ll have to ask nicely if you’d like to see it in person. 🙂
I’ve had many a man eat my ass. I like when they ask in advance, so I can prepare accordingly. Of COURSE I wash carefully before each encounter, but if you know someone is going to be inhaling your butt, you give it a little extra attention, right??
The last man who rimmed me did not ask – he just kept quickly licking at it like he was swiping frosting off a cake – I think he wasn’t sure if I would be okay with him doing it, so he was being sneaky with his licks, which was kind of amusing and hot.
I like it licked, but I don’t penetrate it very often. The last time I put something in my butt was a nozzle at a colon hydrotherapy appointment – not the most comfortable sensation.
I’m generous with my body and share it with many people. I allow people to touch me all over, fondle and squeeze and suck my breasts, and put things in my mouth and pussy.
But there’s only one man I allow backdoor access – my partner, and neither of us are that into anal. We’ve been through a few anal phases, where I did anal training. I’ve mopped his kitchen floor whilst naked and wearing a butt plug, and he’s fucked my ass many times, but it’s been a few years! We’ve achieved goals where he’s cum in my ass (I think he’s done it about three times ever, since his dick often gets too numb), and I’ve experienced powerful orgasms via anal sex (OK, now that I’m thinking about it, why don’t we do that more often?!)
By Kendra Holliday | December 13, 2018
You know what’s awesome? It was much easier writing the list of Top 10 Things That Have Been in My Vagina. My positive sexual experiences far outweigh my negative, and shine warmly in my head, eclipsing the dark, gross shitty stuff.
That’s because I have not let the negative things define me. I have overcome them, and defined my sexuality on my own terms. Each of the things below sucked bad, but they all made me a stronger person as a result.
Look, I’m not much into trigger warnings – I kinda figure if you’re alive and on the internet, you’re going to run into some raw dog shit. But I’ll go ahead and let you know that the list gets progressively worse. A yeast infection is a walk in the park compared to some of the hell that follows.
10. Yeast. I’m glad to say I have a hardy vagina – some women I know have to deal with chronic yeast or bladder infections. For the most part, mine can endure all kinds of crazy activity and then go on about its business. I have had a few yeast infections though, and itchy, pissed off vaginas are no fun! They’re actually pretty gross. It’s cool modern medicine has evolved such that you just need to pop one pill orally and be done with it, as opposed to seven days of injecting applications of messy creams up there.
9. Bad bacteria. I’ve had two nasty, disgusting bacterial vag infections in my life, and they both developed from the same hot tub. It was a nice, clean swinger hot tub in West County, and I’ve been in all kinds of hot tubs and lakes with no problem, and no one else who was in the tub had an issue, so it must’ve been a bad reaction with my personal chemistry. I smelled like rotting fish down there. Had to go to the doctor for medicine, good grief! Needless to say, I stopped hot tubbing with that couple, even though they were nice. I had gross associations with them, like when you eat a can of sauerkraut and then throw up afterward.
8. A really big dick. I’ve been with all sizes of dicks. I prefer average size – 5-7 inches when erect. I dated one guy for a while with an 8-inch-dick. It wasn’t ideal for me. Then one day, I slept with a man who had a 9-inch-dick – talk about a world of hurt! IT SUCKED. I wasn’t into it AT ALL. I grimaced my way through it and avoided him after that, which made me feel gross.
By Kendra Holliday | December 13, 2018
I thought this would be a good topic to follow the vaginal penetration post.
A few years ago, the Riverfront Times published an article titled Top Ten Things That Have Been in The Beautiful Kind’s Vagina: NSFW. I was SO honored. I’m pretty sure no other woman has that distinction. The article is by now out of date, so I’m going to offer my own, more accurate version. GOD my vagina has been good to me! Holy shit I’ve had a lot of people and things in my vagina! (For context, click here to see what my pussy looks like – the glorious gateway to my vagina!)
10. Tapio, my wooden dildo. One of my favorite sex toys. My lovely super smooth dildo glows like a tiger’s eye and smells like cedar. Very warm and inviting. He is the most living inanimate object I’ve ever fucked.
9. An abortionist. I seriously can’t imagine what life would be like right now if I hadn’t gotten an abortion in 2007. It was a sucky situation and a difficult decision to make, but I am infinitely grateful I had the legal option to exercise my right to choose.
8. Big black cock. I’m sorry, but even if the cock isn’t technically “big” (and lord knows I’m not a size queen!), it still sounds better to say it that way. I’ve had the pleasure of fucking several handsome black men. Here is one of them.
7. Hitachi Magic Wand Attachment. OMG I LOVE THIS THING! I use the Hitachi Magic Wand every day, but every once in a while, I add the attachment. It fits over the head and inserts perfectly snug. I lube it up and it’s like a benevolent alien tentacle bathing me in white light, inside and out. It’s gripping and intense and when I cum, it hurts so good! My vagina grabs on tight and doesn’t want to let go. I yelp when I pull it out after my rockin’ session, phew!
By Kendra Holliday | December 12, 2018
Let’s get this cleared up right off the bat: Do you wanna know what it feels like to be penetrated non-consensually?
LIKE YOUR SOUL IS DYING.
So don’t do that. DON’T penetrate other people non-consensually. I can’t believe I have to state the obvious. COME ON, PEOPLE.
Now, let’s move on to how it feels to be vaginally penetrated when you are into it, turned on, etc.
I posed the question on fb and twitter, and got responses from several curious men, but only one from a woman! My friend, Bianca:
“Being penetrated vaginally feels like a void is being filled. Like the right jigsaw piece is in place. Like warm candy. So good you roll your eyes up with pleasure.”
Let me elaborate.
It’s like tucking into this gooey, decadent, absolutely delicious dessert, all sweet and salty and creamy.
It’s like you have a throbbing headache, and someone slips you morphine. Hot, throbbing morphine, for your hot, aching pussy.
It feels like a drug that will save your life.
It feels completely base and primal, like you want to fuck the earth and fill your womb.
It feels the way a spring crop looks, all those new green shoots pushing up through the moist, fertile black soil.
By Kendra Holliday | November 8, 2018
I’ve had a lot of people contact me about their sexual issues, but this is the most baffling one I’ve come across to date. Can you help me help my friend?
He can’t feel his orgasms.
He’s lacked all sensation for about ten years. Before that, he was able to feel them on and off, until the feeling finally faded away altogether.
He didn’t feel the very first time he had intercourse with a woman, but he remembers a time when he was getting a blowjob in a car that felt good. That was about the last time.
He’s in his late 40’s, shy, single, physically fit.
I asked him if he had any emotional or physical trauma around the time he started lacking sensation. He told me no.
He’s been to two urologists and one neurologist. His next step is to get an MRI.
He’s had all his blood levels checked. He’s had a history of low testosterone levels and depression, but is currently not on any medications.
He masturbates a few times a week, always hoping to feel something, and when he doesn’t, he’s left empty, sad, dissatisfied and frustrated.
I asked him if I could see what he’s talking about for myself. He was open to this, so one night I had him over. I wanted him to feel as relaxed as possible, so I lit candles, put on soft music, and wore a robe over some lingerie.
When he arrived, we sat on talked on the couch for a while holding hands. Then I led him back to my bedroom where I slowly undressed him. As we shed his button down shirt and jeans, I kissed and caressed him. I removed my robe and had him lie down on the bed face down. I explored his body, touched it all over, asked him questions here and there about how he was feeling, if he was ticklish. I softly massaged him with warm oil.
Then I had him turn over. His circumcised penis was erect. I kissed his neck, stroked his chest, ran my hair over his body, slowly working my way down to his cock. When I finally got there, I took my time. I grasped it in my hand. It continued to swell. I slowly started jerking him off. He closed his eyes.
His legs tensed and his thigh muscles flexed. His cock head grew large and purple. Finally he ejaculated normally, but get this – his breathing didn’t change and he didn’t feel the release.
His body appeared to respond to the stimulation from the waist down, but from the waist up, he was unaffected. I asked him if this time with me was similar to the outcome when he was solo, and he said yes.
How do you cure Anhedonia (lack of pleasure)? He also reported he doesn’t really taste food!
Readers, any suggestions? Have you ever experienced anything like this? Do you think his issue is mental or physical? Autism spectrum? Sensory Processing Disorder? What kind of doctor should he see? What kind of medications or supplements might he suggest to the doctor? Do you think he needs a different, less traditional form of stimulation? Does anyone know of a clinic that could run tests on him?
By Kendra Holliday | June 27, 2018
|Who’s Afraid of the Big, Bad Breast?
(ok, not really big, and not really bad!)
“Boobies are not Nazis!” my daughter exclaimed, when I told her about the woman in New Jersey who crusaded for the right to sunbathe topless and lost her bid after an appeals panel ruled breasts as violating “the public’s moral sensibilities.”
If female breasts threaten society’s morals, does that mean the people they are attached to are a threat as well?
When I posted this story on facebook, a woman sadly commented: “Laws are made for the people, not by the people. This truth is an unfortunate circumstance. Because women tend to have more fat cells and the presence of mammary glands in their breasts, we cannot enjoy the same freedoms as men.”
Meanwhile, my friend posted this status on facebook the other day:
“pet peeve: when parents force their toddler daughters to wear a bikini top at the beach. It’s the last time she’s not breaking any laws. Let her be.”
One of MY big pet peeves is the fact that men are allowed to go topless in most of the United States, but women are subject to arrest.
Why is this?
A possible theory on why women aren’t allowed to go topless: because erect female nipples are a symbol of sexual arousal and readiness, which freaks men out. Even wearing no bra can be an issue.
A guy friend of mine asserts that it’s the female areola that is the problem, not the nipple itself.
By Kendra Holliday | February 11, 2018
When I was 19, I was a stripper.
My job was to get really close to men and arouse them. Their job was not to touch my breasts or genital area.
I did my job well, but they often tried sneaking a feel of the forbidden areas.
Sometimes they touched and I was badly surprised, and other times I could see them creeping toward the breasts, and I would tense up and cringe and try and deflect their fingers.
For nine months, I had hundreds of men grab my breasts and tweak/pinch my nipples without my consent.
When I finally quit there, my breasts were so traumatized that they couldn’t be touched for three years. If they were, it felt like an electrical shock.
Over time, I got a little better, but my breasts were still very sensitive and had to be handled with utmost care.
Then, when I was 27, I gave birth and breastfed for a year. I was SOO dreading breastfeeding, but was determined to do it for a year. My breasts swelled from A’s to D’s – they were swollen and engorged, with blue veins like highways.
The first six weeks were hell – it hurt so bad. My nipples were raw, red, chafed. Then I started getting used to all the latching, and tugging and pressure, but then I got a series of breast infections – mastitis, thrush, then mastitis again. Red, plugged ducts, feverish, itching, sharp, needle-like pain…
My breasts got brutalized!
By Kendra Holliday | November 22, 2017
We all get one body as the vessel that carries us through life.
We can take care of our bodies, or we can abuse our bodies.
I take care of my body by walking daily. On the days my schedule allows, I take a dawn walk, a day walk, and a dusk walk. Sometimes, I take a dark walk, which always feels risky.
I abuse my body by putting poison in it – sugar, processed food… don’t you wish we could hook ourselves up to a machine every night and remove all the bad stuff we put into our bodies that day? ha!
Our one body goes through so many phases!
This is my baby body (are the photos small for you? Click on them to enlarge)
This is my pregnant body
This is my body in 2010
This is me in 2017
I didn’t mean to take the photos for comparison, otherwise I would have used the same lighting. I just noticed the similar pose, and the striking contrast.
One of the exercises I do in my surrogate sessions is Body Show And Tell. From head to toe, we take turns giving a body tour. We talk about our hair, our freckles, scars, tattoos, what parts of our bodies we like and don’t like.
It’s odd and liberating! It’s fun taking inventory our what we have. Take a moment to be thankful for your body, and do something nice for it this week!
By Kendra Holliday | October 21, 2017
I’ve FINALLY figured out what makes female breasts/nipples so awed and feared!
You know I’ve been struggling with this Topless Inequality quandary for years – remember the Obscene Nipple Game?
A married man told me that seeing his wife’s breasts is always exciting – it never gets old. “Every time I see them, it’s like it’s the first time. It’s refreshing and invigorating.”
I notice with amusement how predictable my clients are – as soon as my bra comes off, they lean down and suck on each nipple, like an automatic, erotic handshake. They simply HAVE to touch and fondle them.
But then get this – the other day I had a date with my girlfriend, and when she took off her shirt, I was compelled to do the exact same thing! I just wanted to grab them! But I didn’t – I was a respectful lady. And that reaction is even with me having breasts myself!
Breasts are like warm, glowing light bulbs, and we are mere moths. Supposedly, moths are drawn to light because of some ancient connection to the moon, which is a feminine symbol.
Sooo here’s the deal – the reason female breasts and nipples are so awed and feared is because
THEY ARE MAGIC.
That’s it. They are a source of creation and life-giving. They symbolize Mother Earth – they are the opposite of destruction. And while most people revere and respect life force and see it as a positive thing, some people find it overwhelming and confusing, which can be scary. The more we can be in touch with our feelings, the healthier we can process the mysterious world around us.
I breastfed my daughter for a year, and am so proud how I provided her only food source for months, and how she thrived and grew – it’s so magical and empowering!
In honor of this realization, I’m hosting a Topless Tarot event later this week, for women only. We’ll sit around in my warm and cozy fairy cottage and connect and bond over candlelight, cards, gems, and runes. We’ll be surrounded by breasts and loving female energy! Our cups runneth over!
I went back into my blog archives and pulled random breast photos – I just love them so much, and am happy to have them. I’m glad to share them with you, on my own terms. Thank you for your respectful worship and appreciation!
By Kendra Holliday | September 26, 2017
We’re all inundated with spam like this:
“Want to be well hung, with a thick, muscular tool? Now you can”
“She gives me head EVERY night now that I have such a large pecker”
“The trophy can now be in your pants”
and my personal favorite:
“For anyone who has ever wished upon a star for a bigger dick, here is the answer.”
I love imagining some guy sitting there wishing on a star, but not for a pony like most people, but for the pony’s DICK.
I have to admit, I’ve only been with one micropenis in my life, and it was a shock. I think it would have gone over better had the guy said something to me ahead of time and not let me discover it on my own. Man was that awkward.
There’s a great documentary on the subject of penis size that was on BBC as part of a body image series. It’s called My Penis and Everyone Else’s.
The narrator of the film, Lawrence Barraclough, had to work hard at getting in to men’s pants and persuading them to let it all hang out. Granted some of his ideas are a little in-your-face, like when he walks around crowded streets wearing a sandwich board that proclaims loudly, “I WANT TO TALK ABOUT PENISES.”
At first Barraclough could only delve into the topic by speaking with experts and visiting sites online like measurection.com, a resource that focuses on penis insecurities. He also visits a sex toy factory that sells products such as “The Stallion Pump” and herbal enlargement pills. (Note: none of this stuff works.)
By Kendra Holliday | July 3, 2017
|The Purple Heart Medal is given to
soldiers wounded or killed.
What would a medal given to
women giving birth look like?
One time I pushed a 7 lb. baby out of my vagina.
Not only that, but I took the typical American route of childbirth and went to the hospital, got an epidural, laid on my back, had an episiotomy (a surgical incision in the perineum made to enlarge the vagina and assist childbirth), and had my baby vacuumed out of me. (One thing I didn’t experience was a C-section.) If all this sounds whack to you, I highly recommend you read Misconceptions by Naomi Wolf, and then watch The Business of Being Born and Orgasmic Birth.
Keep in mind that during my entire pregnancy, I read up on natural childbirth and walked into the hospital proudly carrying my birthing plan. But as soon as my water broke, I freaked out and cried and the birthing plan, with its birthing ball and breathing exercises, went out the window. Oh, how I wish I had a doula.
This was absolutely one of the hardest things I have done in my life. I have no idea how women do this more than once. It is one of the only times I have literally seen stars and fainted. The doctor stitched me up down there ala Frankenpussy.
After they took the urinary catheter out and my epidural wore off, I went to the bathroom. You know how you can stop and start the flow of urine? To my horror, the pee fell out of me. I had no control over it whatsoever. I wept. They gave me warm compresses to put on my traumatized pussy and told me not to have sex for six weeks.
Breastfeeding pretty much killed my sex drive, but we did have sex a month or two after I gave birth. And guess what? It hurt. The episiotomy scar was raw and intense. I kept waiting for my sex drive to return and for it to stop hurting during sex. Several times I thought I was broken forever, and that I’d never enjoy sex again like I did before. Dark times, people.
The whole point of this is to let all you new moms and dads know that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. I’m not sure if childbirth has something to do with it or if it’s just me sexually evolving, but I’m more orgasmic and love fucking more than ever.
Just don’t get me pregnant, OK?
Women should receive an equivalent to the Purple Heart medal that is given to wounded soldiers, except it should be for celebrating creativity instead of honoring destruction.
And remember – the next time you call someone a pussy, you are saying they are tough, amazing, resilient, and STRONG.
By Kendra Holliday | June 7, 2017
I did this video announcing my new project: No Shave May!
I already have a head start with it, see? My pubes are trying to bust their way out of my lace panties!
I can’t get any of my lace panties to hold up these days. I’ve taken to hand washing and trying not to be too sexy for them.
I find the difference between guys who are into shaved heads and the guys who are into natural women fascinating. As a group, the shaved head guys came off as more entitled and disconnected, as if they owned every bald female head. Even though they claimed a woman with a shaved head was a sign of powerful confidence, they seemed to secretly get off on the humiliation factor.
The hairy armpit guys are more respectful and kind. I guess they are hippies after my own heart! These guys see hairy underarms as a badge of sensuality and supreme confidence.
I wonder how big my bush will get. I can’t remember the last time it was fully grown out. I’ll keep you posted on how my hair growth progresses!
By Kendra Holliday | June 6, 2017
I’ve been wearing a lot of sexy, slinky dresses lately sans stockings. I have to admit I felt nervous a couple times and wondered if anyone noticed my stubble. If they did, they didn’t mention it.
Here is my hairy leg, soaking in the tub:
It also feels strange saving a few steps getting ready for a date or going out. I keep thinking I need to budget an extra 15 minutes for shaving in the shower, but nope, I get to skip it! One woman commented online that shaving was “classy.” I guess that means I’m being uncouth? Oh well, I never claimed to be a lady!
SIGH. I’ll never get this hairy!
This pic was taken on a lazy Sunday morning, lounging around in bed, feeling furry and loved….
By Kendra Holliday | June 5, 2017
For about six weeks in 2012, which included the entire month of May, I did not shave anything on my body – legs, underarms, pubic area. (my recap video is here.)
This weekend, we had a shave party!
Let me show you the legs first. In this pic, I have one leg shaved – can you tell which one?
Let’s take a closer look:
I was glad to shave my calves – wearing skirts with hairy legs is fine. I loved feeling the breeze tickle the hair. But wearing pants or tights with hairy legs felt CREEPY and annoying.
Next, my crotch.
By Kendra Holliday | March 30, 2017
I’ve been flitting around so much tying men up and sticking things up their bums and torturing balls, I haven’t had a chance to write much. I miss writing! I have so much I want to share and process.
But in the meantime, I enjoyed a candlelit bath.
Water is female energy, so ritual cleansing is a great way to counter balance all the male energy I deal with.
Yin – female, water, moon, mysterious
Yang – male, fire, sun, overt
Bathing in warm water is like being back in the womb, so pure and comforting. Speaking of, have you tried FLOATing yet? Sensory deprivation chamber. Very meditative, like getting a massage without being touched. I’ve done it three times, and each experience is different. I’ve fallen asleep, had mild hallucinations, sorted thoughts, escaped from reality…