By Kendra Holliday | March 17, 2017
Category Archives: Body Talk
We all have a light side, and a dark side – sacred, and profane.
I have a couple friends who bring out my dark side, and one evening I hung out with both of them, and that made for a dark and crazy night!
Let’s call them Ziztur and Dr Doom. Ziztur took all these pics. Dr Doom brought the human skull. They both collect medical oddities and are experts in health and anatomy.
I did a play piercing session with Ziztur years ago
and wanted to try it again. I found it fascinating, and loved how the endorphin rush felt after the needles came out.
So, we arranged an elaborate play piercing party. I was expecting it to be pretty tame, so I was pretty shocked at how weird things got!
Here’s me drinking wine out of a beaker – ha, it looks like piss!
Ziztur is super creative and talented. She pierced my back, then glued feathers to the needles. I brought a bird mask, and voila – creepy bird lady!
By Kendra Holliday | February 6, 2017
You guys! Guess what I’m giving myself for my 44th birthday?
My FIRST MAMMOGRAM! Thank goodness my health insurance will cover it under preventive care. They have no idea how amazing they are! 🙂
In celebration, I’m reposting this ode to breasts. ENJOY! …………..
I’ve FINALLY figured out what makes female breasts/nipples so awed and feared!
You know I’ve been struggling with this Topless Inequality quandary for years – remember the Obscene Nipple Game?
A married man told me that seeing his wife’s breasts is always exciting – it never gets old. “Every time I see them, it’s like it’s the first time. It’s refreshing and invigorating.”
I notice with amusement how predictable my clients are – as soon as my bra comes off, they lean down and suck on each nipple, like an automatic, erotic handshake. They simply HAVE to touch and fondle them.
But then get this – the other day I had a date with my girlfriend, and when she took off her shirt, I was compelled to do the exact same thing! I just wanted to grab them! But I didn’t – I was a respectful lady. And that reaction is even with me having breasts myself!
Breasts are like warm, glowing light bulbs, and we are mere moths. Supposedly, moths are drawn to light because of some ancient connection to the moon, which is a feminine symbol.
Sooo here’s the deal – the reason female breasts and nipples are so awed and feared is because
THEY ARE MAGIC.
That’s it. They are a source of creation and life-giving. They symbolize Mother Earth – they are the opposite of destruction. And while most people revere and respect life force and see it as a positive thing, some people find it overwhelming and confusing, which can be scary. The more we can be in touch with our feelings, the healthier we can process the mysterious world around us.
I breastfed my daughter for a year, and am so proud how I provided her only food source for months, and how she thrived and grew – it’s so magical and empowering!
In honor of this realization, I’m hosting a Topless Tarot event later this week, for women only. We’ll sit around in my warm and cozy fairy cottage and connect and bond over candlelight, cards, gems, and runes. We’ll be surrounded by breasts and loving female energy! Our cups runneth over!
I went back into my blog archives and pulled random breast photos – I just love them so much, and am happy to have them. I’m glad to share them with you, on my own terms. Thank you for your respectful worship and appreciation!
By Kendra Holliday | January 25, 2017
This is a picture of me from the 3rd grade. Looking at it, it’s hard to believe I was molested – I mean, wouldn’t those ginormous nerd goggles be repellent enough, not to mention the shitty haircut and goofy fashion?
Then again, my opportunistic molester was pretty homely too, and wasn’t very picky. I daresay he had bad taste in children.
But this ugly child grew up to be a gorgeous goddess. Here are some steps I took in my maturity makeover:
Braces – My parents could only afford braces for one of their five kids, so they chose my sister. That means I made it to adulthood with one of my front teeth jutting out. In grade school, kids would come up to me all the time and inform me, “You have a crooked tooth.” LIKE I DIDN’T KNOW. I was self-conscious about smiling, so I scowled a lot.
Finally, when I was married and DINK (double income, no kids), I took the plunge and got Invisalign braces. I’M SO GLAD I DID IT. It was worth every penny (how many pennies are in $4000? oh never mind). Now I wear a retainer at night whenever I feel like it, which is about half the time. I’ve only broken it once. Flossing is so much easier.
Heart zapped – In 2000 I birthed my daughter vaginally – hooray! I didn’t want an epidural or a c-section, but I sure did freak out and request the epidural as soon as my labor pains kicked in for real.
My doctor took it upon herself to give me an episiotomy (a surgical cut in the muscular area between the vagina and the anus), which took a long time to heal. But further north, the pregnancy took other tolls on my body – my heart.
It had trouble keeping up with the extra blood flow and work involved with carrying another person around inside me for months, so it started to misfire. I developed SVT – Supraventricular tachycardia. My heart would sometimes race 300 beats a minute, which was inconvenient and scary. The solution was a procedure where they snake a laser up through your groin to your heart and zap the naughty part and kill it. So my heart has a scar.
The procedure cured my condition, but that zap also signaled the end of my marriage. I woke up from the procedure and everything changed in my life. My heart was fixed and broken, all at once.
By Kendra Holliday | November 3, 2016
Note: This article was originally published here.
Hey, fellas—when’s the last time you sported a boner? Have you ever noticed how annoying spontaneous erections are for teenage boys, and how annoying lack of erections are for older men?
In fact, if you look up “Reason for Erection” on the internet, besides getting some German band’s website, you’ll also find a lot of resources for unfortunate teenage boys plagued with erection problems: Erections during class. Erections at night. Erections for no reason at all. Boo-hoo, must be nice! I hope they remember that 40 years from now!
According to evolutionary psychologist Satoshi Kanazawa, the only biological function of an erection is to allow men to have intercourse with women, with the end goal of making a baby. But hey, we’re human, and sometimes men want to use their dicks recreationally. It can be extremely frustrating when the little head doesn’t play nicely with the big head. Let’s face it – dicks can be unpredictable!
As a sex surrogate, I help out men with all kinds of issues. One of the more common complaints is ED—erectile dysfunction. There are two causes for ED—physical and mental.
By Kendra Holliday | June 17, 2016
I found out about yoni eggs by happenstance at a party, when I met a vivacious woman named Dailia. A while back, Dailia had hosted an event featuring a woman from Harlem named Makeda Voletta, aka Queen Lioness. Makeda leads workshops all over the country, featuring topics such as sensual strength training and sacred yoni eggs.
Dailia was hopping around the kitchen bragging about the yoni egg she was wearing.
I looked for an amulet or something, but she laughed.
“You can’t SEE her. She’s inside me.”
OH. DUH. Yoni = female genital region – vulva, clitoris, vagina, etc.
“So what is its purpose?” I asked.
She gushed, “She helps me stay grounded, empowered, tight, toned, stimulated, CONNECTED.”
My eyes widened. I had to find out more.
Read Makeda’s Yoni Egg Basics overview.
By Kendra Holliday | June 17, 2016
I’ve had my yoni eggs for almost three years now. I’ve had them since before my hysterectomy.
I’ve futzed around with them off and on over the months, not really committing to them, just experimenting.
(Before you read any further, make sure you read my post yesterday all about yoni eggs so you know what the hell I’m talking about.)
One night, I had an intense phone conversation with my partner Matthew. Hectic life was getting in the way of our relationship and we weren’t feeling connected. The talk left me feeling agitated and upset. Exhausted, I went to sleep feeling like a smelly, wrung out dishrag.
At 3:40, I woke to great thunder and lightning. The tumultuous storm rattled the windows. I fretted and tried relaxing.
I drank a glass of wine.
I stuck my tiger’s eye yoni egg inside me – I wanted something inside. It was soo cold going in.
I frantically masturbated. When I came, I screamed. Then I cried hard, and fell back asleep. I had weird dreams, but don’t really remember them.
I woke to the alarm feeling dreary and drab, not refreshed.
My body clenched the egg tight, it didn’t want to let it go. I had to push it out, and when I did, it was really hot, and some ejaculate came with it.
More tears – this time from my pussy. More release.
By Kendra Holliday | March 23, 2016
It’s my birthday today! Do you know what I want?
Happy, healthy vaginas.
My fellow women in St. Louis.
My fellow women around the world.
If you are glad I was born and would like to honor that time I traversed a vaginal canal 43 years ago, please consider donating to one of my favorite non-profits:
Worldwide Fistula Fund – A global health organization dedicated to the treatment and prevention of obstetric fistulas. WFF helps girls and women to heal, recover and rebuild their lives, while working to improve the safety of childbirth. WFF and our partners in sub-Saharan Africa provide girls and women with expert care and support to recover and rejoin society. Restore health and dignity to girls and women in sub-Saharan Africa.
Planned Parenthood – HEALTH SERVICES give individuals the power and the ability to take control of their lives, their health and their future. EDUCATION SERVICES give medically-accurate information to help teens make responsible decisions about their reproductive future and strengthens parent-teen communication.
SWOP-St. Louis – A local branch of the Sex Workers Outreach Project, a national social justice network dedicated to the fundamental human rights of sex workers and their communities. SWOP focuses on ending violence and stigma through education and advocacy.
Thank you for helping make the world a better place, one healthy vagina at a time!
By Kendra Holliday | October 22, 2015
I MET CHERYL COHEN GREENE!!!!
Have you seen the movie The Sessions, starring Helen Hunt?
I loved it. Besides the obvious reasons why, that mainstream film brought me so much business!
I finally got around to reading the book it’s based on – An Intimate Life: Sex, Love, and My Journey as a Surrogate Partner, by Cheryl T. Cohen Greene.
She has worked with 900 clients, ages 18 to 89. She started in 1973, the year I was born! But really, she points out she started her career 20 years prior to that, as a teenage girl learning about sex on her own, as if wearing a blindfold – sound familiar??
Despite strict parents and horny partners, she had to traverse the rocky terrain on her own, and learn the path the hard way. What is the truth about sex? What information is misleading and harmful?
Raised Catholic, she had some serious guilt issues to overcome (HELLS BELLS, if I had a nickel for every time a client said the line, “I was raised Catholic,” I’d be $RICH$!)
Cheryl had to deal with shame and double standards. She encountered some terribly stunted men, such as the boyfriend who was disgusted by her orgasm, and the priest who blamed “girls like her for getting boys in trouble”
Slut shaming #1:
John started masturbating me. Slow at first, then fast, then slow again. It was a rhythm that brought me closer to climax. My self-consciousness fell away, and I disappeared into it… Then I had a mind-blowing orgasm, the first one I’d had with John. I moaned with delight. At that moment, I loved him. Maybe he was my soul mate… would you know your soul mate by the strength of your orgasm? I couldn’t keep it to myself. I was going to tell him that I loved him. I opened my eyes just before I opened my mouth, and what I saw rendered me silent. He looked disgusted and shocked. As he pulled back, I suddenly realized how cold it was.
“You’re a sex maniac!” he cried.
At that moment I felt like I had been struck. I thought we were in this together. Why was he masturbating me if he didn’t’ want to give me pleasure? Was a certain amount of pleasure okay, and any more than that sick? Was there a pleasure limit?
By Kendra Holliday | September 30, 2015
The other day I received this email:
I’m a 50-year-old heterosexual woman, and I have never had an orgasm. I want to learn how. I honestly don’t believe that it’s a psychological or emotional problem. I believe that I haven’t been able to figure out the mechanics of my body yet. I have read a lot on it and practiced a lot, but every time I feel like it’s about to happen – like I’m on the edge of the waterfall – it just goes away. Doctors haven’t been helpful – they are dismissive and tell me I’m perfectly normal down there. Any advice on how to get over the waterfall?
Here is my response to her:
I like how you use a water analogy – as a fluid person, I often associate water, the ocean, rocking boats to my sexuality, pleasure, and orgasm.
Let’s review the four stages of orgasm: arousal, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. I’m guessing you stall out during the plateau phase. Let’s examine some causes.
Have you experienced any sexual trauma? I spoke to a woman who didn’t have her first orgasm until she was in her 40’s. The reason why was because when she was a kid, she would hear her mom masturbate loudly and it traumatized her. They never talked about it and she decided she didn’t want to be like her mom.
It was only after her mom died that the woman could claim her right to orgasms and break free from the mental hang up. She said she always enjoyed sex before but never let herself go – she would back off whenever the sensation became too much. She finally had to force herself to stick with it past that overwhelming sensation (it was scary for her) and get past that point and was glad to finally learn what she had been missing all these years!
Are you on any medications such as blood pressure or anti-depressants? Years ago, I was on Prozac and it really numbed me out.
I haven’t personally found any herbs or supplements that actually increase arousal – in my opinion, all those creams and enhancers are shady.
By Kendra Holliday | August 11, 2015
“Can I borrow that book when you’re done reading it?”
I can’t tell you how many people asked me that question as I carried Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex, by Joan Price around with me for weeks.
I absolutely adore Joan Price. She is a passionate advocate of living life to its fullest. She teaches ageless sexuality and doesn’t hold back when it comes to sharing tips for living a more fulfilling, sensual life. She boldly pushes past societal barriers, and she does so in a loving, accepting, joyfully positive manner.
Thank goodness SOMEONE is talking about senior sexuality, because guess what? Not everyone is obssessed with young, inexperienced hardbodies.
My friend David Wraith is attracted to older women.
My partner Matthew is into older women. He loves how in touch with their bodies they are. “They know what they want.”
This guy I just met was into women in their 40’s when he was 20, and now that he’s 40, is into women in their 60’s. He craves the seasoned softness of their flesh.
Even my 15-year-old asexual daughter expressed interest in learning about senior sexuality – “I think it’s good for seniors to be having sex,” she said matter-of-factly, “but I don’t really want to watch it.”
|Naked at Our Age, by Joan Price|
“Oh for goodness sake! You don’t want to watch ANYONE having sex!” I exclaimed with a laugh.
“True,” she agreed.
Here’s the thing – I have huge respect and admiration for people older than me. I’m 42. I’ve always been attracted to little old men. In fact, I have a huge crush on my partner’s grandfather, a wiry pistol in his 80’s who could probably hogtie you with barbed wire before you even had a chance to cry “Grandpa.”
My oldest sexual partner was 92 years old, He hadn’t had sex for more than 20 years, and he assumed his parts would still work. They didn’t. His penis had vanished from years of neglect.
The saying is true: USE IT OR LOSE IT.
I watched a documentary on Anna Nicole Smith and everyone interviewed in it talked about how disgusting it was that she married a man 63 years older than her. I find that judgmental attitude distasteful.
By Kendra Holliday | August 10, 2015
Have you seen this project by Hana Pesut?
She photographs couples before and after switching clothes:
You can see many more on her website.
My partner Matthew showed it to me, and said, “We should do this!”
Trouble is, he’s 6′ 4″ and weighs 320 lbs. I’m 5′ 4″ and weigh 130 lbs. If he puts on any of my clothes, I’m not getting them back in wearable condition. Unless he uses my sundress as a bandana or something.
So for the sake of my wardrobe, I decided to do the project solo.
Here is me in my clothes:
By Kendra Holliday | May 11, 2015
Most of the events hosted by my not-for-profit group, Sex Positive St. Louis, are open to all genders.
Occasionally, we’ll offer an event for women only. They are ALWAYS wonderful, a great opportunity for women to explore their sexuality safely, in a setting that is comfortable for them.
In the spirit of equality, some of our male members requested an event for men only, so we gave it a try. We called it “Dicktacular! Dicktacular!” It was a chance for men to get together and discuss their penises.
The event was a FLOP.
The energy was not good, the conversation didn’t flow, the guys had trouble opening up, and I doubt anyone left feeling empowered.
So, David Wraith suggested we try a different approach. He had a weird, experimental idea – a CFNM theme. What is that, you may ask? Read on!
He sent this invitation out to a select group of men and women:
You are invited to a very special SEX+STL event. We are beta testing a new discussion group, The Penis Party.
This event will differ from past events like The Pussy Party, Dictacular! Dictacular!, and our normal Clothing Optional Meetups in a variety of ways.
Unlike The Pussy Party and Dictacular! Dictacular!, this event is open to any gender.
Unlike our Clothing Optional Meetups, this event will NOT be clothing optional, but a Clothed Female Naked Male theme (CFNM). Men attending will have to be completely naked; women attending will have to remain clothed.
Like The Pussy Party and Dictacular! Dictacular!, this will be a discussion of genitalia – the penis, specifically. However, this will be a Fish Bowl styled discussion, divided by gender. Meaning, for the first half of the discussion, the men will speak among themselves about their penises and the women will listen. For the second half, the women will speak among themselves about their relationship to penises and the men will listen.
This is an experiment. It’s co-ed because my experience with men-only events is that they tend to be dour affairs that lack the energy of co-ed and women-only events.
It’s CFNM because this event is about the penis, just as The Pussy Party is about the vulva, and my fear is that naked women would be a distraction. It’s also an interesting way to shift the power dynamic and the traditional (male) gaze.
It’s Fish Bowl style because my experience with co-ed discussion groups is that the men tend to dominate, even talking over and interrupting women. Allowing women to speak without male interruption is another way of playing with traditional power dynamics.
Do we know how potentially disastrous this could be? As a matter of fact, we do. That’s why we’re beta testing it with a select group of people (you guys) to gauge whether we want to make it a regular event open to all our members.
So, how did it go?
By Kendra Holliday | May 3, 2015
Flaying, also known colloquially as skinning, is the removal of skin from the body. – Wikipedia
In the United States, it’s often the default to slice off the foreskin of infant boys. You can watch the three most common procedures here – Plastibell, Gomco, and Mogen. Caution: it’s bloody and brutal and the pinned down babies cry, even though they get numbing injections.
The rate has dropped about 10-20% in recent years. I hope it continues to drop.
I gave birth to my daughter in 2000, and I was SO glad she was a girl. My ex-husband’s family was Jewish, and the pressure would have been strong to circumcise for religious tradition reasons.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m fine with penises that have been cut and scarred, but I hardly ever get to play with an uncircumcised dick, so it’s a treat when I do! They’re so slidy and silky…
I work with a lot of men intimately on their sexual dysfunction, and all of them are circumcised. Granted, I have several lovers, and they are all circumcised and functioning fine. I can only think of one man I know at this time who is uncircumcised, and he moved here from Europe in the 8th grade.
He said it was a shock to his system to be in the locker room with all the other boys. He was terrified he would be forced to undergo the procedure!
He likened it to nipple amputation. “Pretend you were in a society where nipple removal was commonplace, and you were a freak if you still had yours!”
A lot of people think an uncut penis looks funny, but it just depends on what you are used to. We see cut penises in almost all the porn out there.
I was curious to read Please Don’t Circumcise Your Baby Boy: The Case Against Male Infant Circumcision, by Roland Hume, a British man who moved to the United States in 2001.
He also experienced culture shock – from our faulty healthcare system, to all the gun-toting mania. But it was the rampant practice of circumcision that shocked him most of all.
I expected his book to be very jerky and ranty, and he does get a little harsh from time to time, but for the most part, he argues his case against circumcision with sensitivity. The ebook is succinct – he doesn’t bog it down with loads of case stories and statistics – just enough to get his point across.
By Kendra Holliday | March 22, 2015
You guys, I just love my pubic hair!
Or should I say, public hair? 🙂
Just look at it – doesn’t it resemble a willow tree?
Even the stubble around it resembles a starry night. I should get a little moon tattoo above it, ha. Maybe my belly button is the moon, the source of my being…. alunapull.
This area of my body is so full of sacred femininity, mystery, pleasure, Yin… Look at that Y! Look how it reaches up as if in celebration!
The hair is soft, musky, and leads to luscious pink folds of skin. Salty and sweet. I’m tingling right now.
I love Sunday mornings. I am worshiping myself and feel love. They say that if you are surrounded by love, you are already in heaven…
By Kendra Holliday | March 14, 2015
The other day, I attended a SEX+STL women’s only Topless Tarot event with my daughter, and it was wonderful!
The ages of the attendees ranged from 14 (my daughter) to 65. There was one other mother/teen duo there as well, in addition to about 20 women of all shapes, sizes, and backgrounds.
This was not the first clothing optional women’s only event we’ve had (in the past, we’ve done Pussy Parties and Topless Tea Parties), but it was the first one my daughter attended. So it was kind of a big deal! Naturally, I wanted it to be a positive experience for her.
I think ALL young women should have the chance to experience body-affirming moments. It’s so funny – for a lot of us, the older we get, the more comfortable we are in our skin. We don’t appreciate our bodies when we are younger, thinner, and more vital.
My daughter has a wonderful, strong, beautiful body, but she is wracked with all the insecurities I had at that age. I remember feeling so awkward and inferior. I compared myself to every other female – girls my age, models on television, older women. I remember some of the weird things I tried to improve my appearance – slouching, lots of makeup, starving myself, padded bras, walking around blind without my glasses.
When it finally seemed futile that I would never be beautiful and measure up to society’s standards, I went ahead and shaved my head and wore black all the time. I eventually outgrew that phase, but the body image struggle continued through my stripper phase, my married phase, my pregnant phase, my divorced phase, my nude goddess phase… heck, I STILL struggle, but I’m not going to let that hold me back from celebrating my body, feeling pleasure, and being naked!
It’s painful watching her struggle. The Topless Tarot party seemed like a gentle exercise, and of course, she was happy to give it a try. She and I are used to seeing each other naked around the house, but it would be different with others there.
Here is me at age 27 with my squishy little newborn daughter, almost 15 years ago: