Category Archives: Event

Sex-Positive Etiquette for Men: Discussion Recap

By Kendra Holliday | February 5, 2019

On January 27, 2019, my not-for-profit local community organization Sex Postive St. Louis held a Sex-Positive Etiquette for Men discussion at Shameless Grounds.

Here’s the event description:

This event is free and open to all SEX+STL members.

Men – do you wish we had more female members? (Note: as of right now we have more than 4300 members on our Meetup group. I’m guessing it’s ~ 60% men, 40% women.)

Do you wish women were as fired up to get some action as you are?

When you attend our clothing optional events, is it important to you that there’s a decent number of women there?

Do you want to touch and be intimate with women?

Do you ever wonder how to best approach women? Are you successful in your dating endeavors?

Join us as we discuss sex-positive etiquette for men. We’ll give some examples of how NOT to interact with women online, and constructive suggestions on what works better. If you have questions, we have answers!

Please come if you would like to be more successful dating and hooking up with women. Come if you are a woman and want to share your experiences and preferences. Come if you are a man who is successful dating women and have some insight to share. Let’s all learn together and create a truly sex-positive space for everyone!

The reason why we hosted this event is because our female members informed us that they were being contacted by male members with inappropriate messages.

We have a member harassment policy in place. In addition, I made this quick video reminding men that our group is not intended as a dating or hookup site.

Here are examples of approaches that can be perceived as inappropriate:

  • Sending members you don’t know a message that you’re looking for sex.
  • Attending a happy hour and asking the women there if they will kiss any random man on the street.
  • Posting on the discussion board that we should host a penis size contest and make sure there are sexy ladies on hand to judge it.

When women get bombarded with strong questions and messages like that, it turns them off and drives them away.

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What Are TBK Play Parties Like?

By Kendra Holliday | January 1, 2019

This is what I wore at the last party!

One of the things people contact me the most about is my TBK Play Parties. I’ve held more than a dozen over the past few years, and I’d love to have more! If you know of a classy place within 45 minutes of St Louis that can hold 50-100 adults, let me know. I’ve rented from AirBnB and Vacation Rentals, but the best bet is someone in the community volunteering their home. So, let me know if throwing an orgy is one of your 2019 New Year’s Resolutions!

You can read FAQs and more on my Party page. If you’d like to be added to my party email list, email me answers to the questions listed on that page. With more than 600 people on my list, whenever I announce a new party, the spots fill pretty fast.

Here is what someone attending the last party shared with me about their experience:

“There was a couple in one of the side bedrooms making love with the door open. We walked by and saw them. Since the door was open, we stopped to watch because we love being voyeurs. The couple smiled and invited us in. We obliged and entered the room. The hallway light cast enough illumination to see them. The ambient lighting made the display all the more intimate.

They were engaged in a doggy-style position with a slow and steady pace. After watching for a couple of minutes, my wife Jasmine walked up to the woman and whispered softly in her ear. I could not hear what she was saying. I imagined in my head she was complimenting the beauty of her golden brown skin or her phenomenal smile she was displaying when she saw us watching them. 

After Jasmine was finished whispering, I saw the smile again return along with an affirming nod followed with a verbal, ‘Yes you can.’

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What I Did This Summer

By Kendra Holliday | July 29, 2018

Years ago, I made it a point to post five blog entries a week.

Please no cock shots

Nowadays, I’m more prone to moving old posts to the top of the home page whenever the topic is requested or relevant. It’s pretty easy to do, since I have over 600 posts – some of them I forgot I even wrote!

But I keep wanting to write about new experiences – sharing is helpful for others, and it’s therapeutic for me. Life keeps zipping along in a blur! I still want to write about the medical-themed play party I hosted in March! It was such a mindfuck.

Here are some other topics on my list:

Wheel of Consent Training – shamans, witches, empaths, consent and power of touch, fruit, symbolism
The Pull of the Moon
Under Attack – SESTA FOSTA
It’s You. It’s Me.
Love, Sweat and Tears menopause documentary review
Recap of Tantra workshop
Reveling in my latest threesomes
Updates on my daughter, parents, struggle with booze

A wholesome picture of me!

Last month, I gave a talk at The Ethical Society on Desire (they will post a recording of it online soon). The very next day, Huffington Post published an interview with me about the work I do, and it generated a LOT of interest! And then this morning, I presented a workshop on sex and disabilities at the AASECT Summer Institute at Washington University.

In between all of that, I’ve been seeing clients, some local, some from out of state. Every week is different, with its own set of challenges and rewards.

Oh, and one more thing – I’ve been experiencing psychotic episodes.

I’ve touched on this before – the past couple years have been intense with a shift in my hormones. It’s like I’m going through puberty again. I’m very sensitive, and when I get too stressed or overwhelmed, I have a breakdown. I lose touch with reality.

This has happened about six times in the past 18 months. I go from cranky and irritable to a full-blown maelstrom of emotions – all I can do is hang on and ride it out. It’s better to lean into it than to fight it.

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AMAZING Week at Desire With Life on the Swingset!

By Kendra Holliday | June 22, 2018

You know you’re in a sex-positive environment when a woman can doze off nude on a day bed outdoors by herself, and not worry about anyone molesting her.

And, of course, at other times you can see a bunch of people fucking in every one of the beds, in all sorts of fun combinations. That’s also very sex-positive.

The day bed at Desire Resorts. Photo by Cooper Beckett

The day bed at Desire Resorts. Photo by Cooper Beckett

My week at Desire with the Life on the Swingset crew was better than I imagined it would be. And I have a pretty good imagination!

I was nervous and excited to travel all by myself to a couples only lifestyle resort in a different country. I only knew a few of the people who would be my naked neighbors for the week (out of 120 rooms, the Swingset had booked 88 of them – next year, they’re booking ALL of them!) But I was determined to embark on this adventure with a positive mindset – after all, what did I have to lose? Just my clothes!

As inspiration, I brought this book along with me on audio – it’s all about discovering your personal legend, and has great quotes such as, “There’s a language in the world that everyone understands – it is the language of Enthusiasm – of things accomplished with love and purpose, and part of a search for something believed in and desired.”

I highly recommend it!

When I arrived, Cooper gleefully greeted me naked, with an espresso martini in hand.

The staff served me a glass of sparkling wine and a cool towel to refresh myself from my travels. I would continue to drink sparkling wine for the rest of the week! And other cocktails, and sushi, and guacamole, and cake, and lord knows what else! Eat, drink, and be merry!

I made a name tag charm necklace (helpful when you aren’t wearing clothes!) – it’s my Twitter header.

After my necklace was made (festooned with love and good charms!) I stripped naked and joined the group. A super nice couple gave me a tour of the resort. It’s not very big, but it’s laid out in a meandering fashion, right on the beach. Speaking of, my room had an ocean view!

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Spontaneous Threesome

By Kendra Holliday | December 22, 2017

Continued from previous post

Me getting spanked by Matthew! Photo by Mike Estes

We arrived at Hustler’s Taboo night.

Thankfully, we were mature enough not to let anything interfere with our great evening, which is a good thing, because it got better every second…

Taboo was crowded and full of activity. They have quite a bit of equipment – a rope suspension section, couches, spanking benches, St. Andrews Crosses. All were in use, but soon a spanking bench opened up, and we seized it.

I went first so she could watch and get used to the energy of the place. She had some BDSM experience, but nothing public.

I eagerly bent over the bench. I was wearing a sexy little business top and skirt. The skirt hem was asymmetrical, so when I walked or bent over, you could see where my lace stockings met my pale thighs.

He worked me over, grabbing my hair, spanking me, lavishing me with good, hard attention.

I got hot and ripped off my top and bra. Lana glanced around surprised. They allow nudity here!

It was so stimulating and exhilarating! I kept laughing and giggling.

He pinned my arms behind my back and instructed Lana to tend to my top as he tended to my bottom. This guy parked himself right in front of me and stared hard. Not a problem, but he was a little too close for our comfort, so Lana stood at my head, providing a barrier between us. I’m sure he didn’t mind her ass in his face.

We were buzzed and happy.

Next, it was her turn. She had been smacked on the ass during sex, but never had a spanking like this.

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I’m Going Places!

By Kendra Holliday | December 5, 2017

One of my goals is to get out of St Louis once a month for a change of scenery.

In 2017, I went to Iceland, New York, Kansas City, Indiana, Virginia, Rhode Island, Florida – and I even went crazy a few times! I’m so glad I finally got my mid-life crisis under control, PHEW!

Next up on my itinerary is a National Sex Ed Conference in New Jersey Dec 5-10 – I get to see Dr Ruth and Dr Elders in real life!

2018 is shaping up nicely – for our 10th cabinversary, we’re trying out a new cabin! It doesn’t have a hot tub, but it does have a wood burning fireplace, which is KEY.

We disappear here.

I’ll be hitting KC again in Feb, and in March I’ll be presenting at Eroticon in LONDON!

Eroticon 2018 in London!

It’s great timing, because the Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2017 was just announced, and I’m #9 on the list!

My presentation is called Shocking the System: When Your True Life Tales Cross the Line.

Showing off my kinky bitch look

By the time I’m finished telling my tales, people will either love me or hate me!

Reflecting

By Kendra Holliday | December 3, 2017

I haven’t hosted a TBK play party in MONTHS. 🙁 I can’t find the right venue within 45 minutes of St Louis! It has to be classy and spacious. If you have any suggestions, please let me know! (Psst I have found a great space for a Doctor/Nurse medical theme play party. Drop me a line if that is something you’d be interested in!)

In the meantime, my not-for-profit org Sex Positive St Louis is having its annual FLESHTIVUS event Dec 15.  Here are details (you need to be a member of our Meetup group in order to view them). This is not a play party; it’s a clothing optional holiday party.

Fleshtivus! With David Wraith

Besides that, I’ll be at Shameless Grounds TODAY, Dec 3, leading a Dating Safety talk at 2pm. These are our last events of the year. I have to admit, I’m getting frustrated with hosting events. We’ve organized over 700 since we kicked things off in 2010, and we have more than 3,500 members!

We rock!!!

But attendance is down. Last month, we paid big bucks to bring in national speaker Ericka Hart, and only about 30 people came! I think we’re in a bad cycle – folks take for granted that we are here, so they don’t show up, and then we get discouraged and don’t feel inclined to organize more events. As you know, it takes a lot of time and energy. On top of that, as soon as I do bite the bullet and announce a new event, I cringe because I know several people won’t bother reading the instructions and will email me asking questions, which creates more work…

C’mon now.

As you can see from this tweet, I’m not alone here (click to view images)…

The same sentiment can be said for Shameless Grounds – we’re SO LUCKY to have a sex-positive coffee shop in St Louis, but they are struggling. If you want access to great things, you have to support them. Otherwise, they will shrivel up and die on the vine.

Where is the passion?? I’m feeling burnout…

As I sit around and ponder my local dilemma, I have my sights set on other endeavors – I’m going places!

The Whisper Orgy

By Kendra Holliday | December 24, 2016

One of the funniest things that happened this year was the Whisper Orgy at CatalystCon last April in Chicago.

CatalystCon occurs once or twice a year, and provides a great platform for connecting and learning with other sex-positive people from around the country – and even the world.

I met Sigga Dogg, a delightful sex educator from Iceland!

One night, a play party was hosted in a large suite, and everyone was invited.

But first, I had to shower and get ready.

I LOOOVE showers like this! So fun for an exhibitionist. 🙂

Steamy clean

Rub a dub dub

Rinse

Ta da!

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Then, we went to the party and had a blast. Cooper Beckett and the Life on the Swingset crew were there, along with David Wraith and a bunch of other national sex-positive celebrities.

There was a massage table set up, bondage, and a bedroom where a bisexual orgy was going down. I saw three men having sex and it looked like this:

Unfortunately, it got loud and there were some other hotel guests who caught wind of the party and tried crashing it. My partner Matthew stood in as doorman while our friends got frisky. Some guys tried pushing their way in, but Matthew barred the way.

Peeved, they reported our party to hotel management, which put a damper on things. In order not to interrupt the orgy taking place, they closed the bedroom door while they spoke to management, so that sex room ended up getting all stuffy and smelling like ass and lube.

Management warned us that if it got one more complaint, we would be kicked out of the hotel, so that freaked everyone out.

As we stood around trying to figure out what to do next, it was insisted that we be EXTREMELY quiet – nothing above a whisper.

So what did Matthew do? He put the Whisper Song on his phone very softly and walked around the suite playing it.

Keep in mind, this is a politically correct crowd and we had just spent a day discussing consent and gender roles, so it was especially funny this super sexist song was played.

Luckily, everyone was having too much fun to get upset about it.

I was amazed to see an entire room of people dancing and fucking enthusiastically and silently – it was like watching a YouTube video on mute!

Finally, the party got moved to a downstairs ballroom. Everyone dressed, gathered up their gear, and migrated. But by then, the spell was broken, and we headed to a tiki bar.

Cabin Reprise

By Kendra Holliday | November 11, 2016

Another incredible weekend at the cabin.

The cabin is under new ownership now, so they made some nice minor improvements, such as new furniture, bedding, and this sign:

Ha ha

Ha ha

…unless you have a sex blog.

We had a fire going ALL WEEKEND, which apparently is as bad for you as smoking cigarettes, godammit. I guess it’s a good thing I don’t have a wood burning fireplace at my house.

Mesmerizing

Mesmerizing

Here’s a pic of me in the hot tub from a previous year:

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The King’s Birthday Buffet

By Kendra Holliday | November 6, 2016

I’m proud to say that the gang bang I had for my 40th birthday kicked off a tradition among my friends – orgies celebrating their 40th, 50th, etc. birthday! There have been several in the St. Louis region, featuring various fantasies and frivolity, sometimes before a fire, sometimes beneath the glow of a red light…

For science!

For science!

The thing is, you have to EARN an incredible orgy for your birthday – you can’t just dial it in. You need to spend years cultivating friendships with people who are in touch with their sexuality, and, more importantly, love and respect you.

My partner Matthew lovingly organized my gang bang, so it was only appropriate I return the favor by arranging a comparable 40th birthday celebration for him.

He helped make my fantasy of being surrounded by awesome male energy come true, so guess what? He wanted to be surrounded by awesome female energy!

BUT

We improved on the formula. This was not just a reverse gang bang, no ma’am.

This was going to be BETTER than that.

After making a list of who we would like to be present, I sent the following invitation to eight women:

Dear Women of High Esteem and Even Higher Regard,

The King's Beard

The King’s Beard

I would be so honored if you could lend your sacred female energy to the celebration of My King’s 40th birthday celebration.

Please bring a robe to wear once inside. Cocktails will be served. Decadent catering by Shameless Grounds.

The premise: Women will lounge about in robes, chatting and bonding. The King will beckon us one by one back to his chamber for exclusive quality time, on each woman’s terms. Please know that you are not expected to do anything you do not want to do.

The evening will culminate with some group worship, with guest comfort level paramount. The goal is for everyone to be comfortable and well cared for.

With Sensual Respect and Reverence,

Queen Kendra of The Beautiful Kind

To our delight, EVERYONE responded with an enthusiastic YES!

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Takeaways from Tantra Training

By Kendra Holliday | August 14, 2016

Barbara Carrellas

Barbara Carrellas

Back in June, I spent a week in NYC doing tantra training with Barbara Carrellas.

The experience blew me away. I am a changed person.

I expected to soak up new energy in a new city, new ideas, new people, and learn about tantra. I’ve read a lot about it online, plus I read Barbara’s book Urban Tantra twice – yet I still didn’t have a proper grasp on it. I think tantra is like Burning Man – you have to immerse yourself in it in order to “get it.”

Well, I got all that and more – I met other sex workers, fetish models, dominatrix, tantrikas, and other specialists. I learned about marketing, BDSM, gender politics, and about other cultures.

That picture of Barbara on the right? That’s what the week was like – we were sparkling, ecstatic, and open-hearted.

My NYC escort for the week was my good friend Matthew Stillman, who was also attending the course. He’s like a brother to me – I was so lucky to spend the week with him – it was my first time to NYC and I was so intimidated! I couldn’t have been matched with a better soul – he’s lived in NYC his entire life and was an excellent guide.

We walked all over the place and took the subway!!! Columbia University, Central Park, Brooklyn Bridge… I reread A Tree Grows in Brooklyn on my trip, and found this slut-shaming passage still relevant, 70 years later:

Excerpt from A Tree Grows in Brookly

Excerpt from A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

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Kundalini

By Kendra Holliday | June 17, 2016

I’ve had my yoni eggs for almost three years now. I’ve had them since before my hysterectomy.

I’ve futzed around with them off and on over the months, not really committing to them, just experimenting.

(Before you read any further, make sure you read my post yesterday all about yoni eggs so you know what the hell I’m talking about.)

It was a dark and stormy night...

It was a dark and stormy night…

One night, I had an intense phone conversation with my partner Matthew. Hectic life was getting in the way of our relationship and we weren’t feeling connected. The talk left me feeling agitated and upset. Exhausted, I went to sleep feeling like a smelly, wrung out dishrag.

At 3:40, I woke to great thunder and lightning. The tumultuous storm rattled the windows. I fretted and tried relaxing.

I drank a glass of wine.

I stuck my tiger’s eye yoni egg inside me – I wanted something inside. It was soo cold going in.

I frantically masturbated. When I came, I screamed. Then I cried hard, and fell back asleep. I had weird dreams, but don’t really remember them.

I woke to the alarm feeling dreary and drab, not refreshed.

My body clenched the egg tight, it didn’t want to let it go. I had to push it out, and when I did, it was really hot, and some ejaculate came with it.

More tears – this time from my pussy. More release.

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Want a Tantra Goddess in the Midwest?

By Kendra Holliday | May 11, 2016

Urban Tantra by Barbara Carrellas

Urban Tantra by Barbara Carrellas

For years, men, women, and couples have been asking me if there are any Tantra teachers in the Midwest. I knew of one in Kansas City, but she disappeared a few years ago. It looks like there are one or two active goddesses in the Chicago area.

I’ve dabbled in it – reading books like Urban Tantra, browsing websites and watching videos, but am by no means an expert.

So over the years I’ve put the word out to the local community seeking tantra experts. I found one man who was willing to speak to my group Sex Positive St Louis, but he canceled two hours before the talk, so I had to wing it!

I talked about my experiences with yoni eggs, energy orgasms, extended orgasms, kundalini, and more.

The Sacred Prostitute

The Sacred Prostitute

Recently, we found another man in St Louis named StarDancer who was willing to talk about his energy body work to the group. Hearing him speak really inspired me to investigate the Tantra realm further.

I had a revelation – I want to bring Tantra from a female perspective to St Louis! I already do sex surrogate work as a sacred prostitute, so this seemed a natural step in my career as a sexuality expert.

I found out that Barbara Carrellas is offering a Tantra training workshop in New York City June 10-16. Thanks to some generous sponsors who believe in my mission, I AM GOING. I’m SO excited! It will be my first time in New York City. I can’t wait for an invigorating change of scenery and for my universe to expand!

Barbara was featured on Strange Sex demonstrating her full body energy orgasm technique, aka “thinking off” for a group of scientists. She’s the real deal!

Here is more info – Barbara’s intro on the program

More about the program

Details about registering for the program

More info on Barbara Carrellas – she’s a certified sexologist who has worked with the likes of Annie Sprinkle teaching Sacred Sex techniques! She’s very inclusive and positive in her teachings – more practical and modern than woo woo, she revels in, teases, and plays with traditional Tantra, all while honoring Tantra’s rich spiritual tradition of connection. She teaches all over the world, so it’s nice having a class offered in the U.S.

I’m excited to bring what I learn back to St. Louis. Thank you for believing in me and helping expand our collective sexual universe!

Sex work can be a beautiful thing.

Sex work can be a beautiful thing.

 

Find Me at Naughti Gras

By Kendra Holliday | January 30, 2016

Here’s a kinky photo my photographer friend Stan took of my friends and me. You can see it at Naughti Gras this weekend:

Sexy submission

Sexy submission

I love the triangular dynamic happening in this shot – the dominant women, the submissive man. This was a dream come true for him! So much fun exploring the creative world of art and sex.

So You Want to be a Sex Worker…

By Kendra Holliday | December 13, 2015

Hello! Do I know you?

Hello! Do I know you?

I’m hosting a special SEX+STL event next month!

So You Want to be a Sex Worker…

When: Tuesday, Jan 5, 7-9pm

Where: private location

Cost: $20 per person

This event is screened and private and for women only.
(In order to attend a SEX+STL private event, you need to attend one of our public events or meet one of the leaders first.)

Interested in learning about sex work? How do you find clients? How do you stay safe? How do you keep healthy? How much do you charge? What kind of situations might you encounter? Where should you do it? What are the rules? All these questions and more will be honestly and frankly answered at this fascinating and rare opportunity. Be ready to take notes!

Kendra Holliday, a seasoned sex worker, will share tips and best practices for being a successful sex worker.

Practicing and former sex workers, and those curious or serious about trying sex work are welcome to attend.

RSVP to kendra@thebeautifulkind.com to request a spot.

$20/person. Bring a snack or drink if you’d like.

Topics covered include phone sex, dancing, escorting, erotic massage, surrogacy, dominatrix and more.

Come learn the secrets of The Sacred Prostitute!

You, too, can be a sacred prostitute goddess!

You, too, can be a sacred prostitute goddess!

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