By Kendra Holliday | December 5, 2017
Category Archives: Event
One of my goals is to get out of St Louis once a month for a change of scenery.
In 2017, I went to Iceland, New York, Kansas City, Indiana, Virginia, Rhode Island, Florida – and I even went crazy a few times! I’m so glad I finally got my mid-life crisis under control, PHEW!
Next up on my itinerary is a National Sex Ed Conference in New Jersey Dec 5-10 – I get to see Dr Ruth and Dr Elders in real life!
2018 is shaping up nicely – for our 10th cabinversary, we’re trying out a new cabin! It doesn’t have a hot tub, but it does have a wood burning fireplace, which is KEY.
I’ll be hitting KC again in Feb, and in March I’ll be presenting at Eroticon in LONDON!
It’s great timing, because the Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2017 was just announced, and I’m #9 on the list!
My presentation is called Shocking the System: When Your True Life Tales Cross the Line.
By the time I’m finished telling my tales, people will either love me or hate me!
By Kendra Holliday | December 3, 2017
I haven’t hosted a TBK play party in MONTHS. 🙁 I can’t find the right venue within 45 minutes of St Louis! It has to be classy and spacious. If you have any suggestions, please let me know! (Psst I have found a great space for a Doctor/Nurse medical theme play party. Drop me a line if that is something you’d be interested in!)
In the meantime, my not-for-profit org Sex Positive St Louis is having its annual FLESHTIVUS event Dec 15. Here are details (you need to be a member of our Meetup group in order to view them). This is not a play party; it’s a clothing optional holiday party.
Besides that, I’ll be at Shameless Grounds TODAY, Dec 3, leading a Dating Safety talk at 2pm. These are our last events of the year. I have to admit, I’m getting frustrated with hosting events. We’ve organized over 700 since we kicked things off in 2010, and we have more than 3,500 members!
But attendance is down. Last month, we paid big bucks to bring in national speaker Ericka Hart, and only about 30 people came! I think we’re in a bad cycle – folks take for granted that we are here, so they don’t show up, and then we get discouraged and don’t feel inclined to organize more events. As you know, it takes a lot of time and energy. On top of that, as soon as I do bite the bullet and announce a new event, I cringe because I know several people won’t bother reading the instructions and will email me asking questions, which creates more work…
As you can see from this tweet, I’m not alone here (click to view images)…
— Kendra Holliday 😻 (@TBK365) December 3, 2017
The same sentiment can be said for Shameless Grounds – we’re SO LUCKY to have a sex-positive coffee shop in St Louis, but they are struggling. If you want access to great things, you have to support them. Otherwise, they will shrivel up and die on the vine.
Where is the passion?? I’m feeling burnout…
As I sit around and ponder my local dilemma, I have my sights set on other endeavors – I’m going places!
By Kendra Holliday | December 24, 2016
One of the funniest things that happened this year was the Whisper Orgy at CatalystCon last April in Chicago.
CatalystCon occurs once or twice a year, and provides a great platform for connecting and learning with other sex-positive people from around the country – and even the world.
I met Sigga Dogg, a delightful sex educator from Iceland!
One night, a play party was hosted in a large suite, and everyone was invited.
But first, I had to shower and get ready.
I LOOOVE showers like this! So fun for an exhibitionist. 🙂
There was a massage table set up, bondage, and a bedroom where a bisexual orgy was going down. I saw three men having sex and it looked like this:
Unfortunately, it got loud and there were some other hotel guests who caught wind of the party and tried crashing it. My partner Matthew stood in as doorman while our friends got frisky. Some guys tried pushing their way in, but Matthew barred the way.
Peeved, they reported our party to hotel management, which put a damper on things. In order not to interrupt the orgy taking place, they closed the bedroom door while they spoke to management, so that sex room ended up getting all stuffy and smelling like ass and lube.
Management warned us that if it got one more complaint, we would be kicked out of the hotel, so that freaked everyone out.
As we stood around trying to figure out what to do next, it was insisted that we be EXTREMELY quiet – nothing above a whisper.
So what did Matthew do? He put the Whisper Song on his phone very softly and walked around the suite playing it.
Keep in mind, this is a politically correct crowd and we had just spent a day discussing consent and gender roles, so it was especially funny this super sexist song was played.
Luckily, everyone was having too much fun to get upset about it.
I was amazed to see an entire room of people dancing and fucking enthusiastically and silently – it was like watching a YouTube video on mute!
Finally, the party got moved to a downstairs ballroom. Everyone dressed, gathered up their gear, and migrated. But by then, the spell was broken, and we headed to a tiki bar.
By Kendra Holliday | November 11, 2016
Another incredible weekend at the cabin.
The cabin is under new ownership now, so they made some nice minor improvements, such as new furniture, bedding, and this sign:
…unless you have a sex blog.
We had a fire going ALL WEEKEND, which apparently is as bad for you as smoking cigarettes, godammit. I guess it’s a good thing I don’t have a wood burning fireplace at my house.
Here’s a pic of me in the hot tub from a previous year:
By Kendra Holliday | November 6, 2016
I’m proud to say that the gang bang I had for my 40th birthday kicked off a tradition among my friends – orgies celebrating their 40th, 50th, etc. birthday! There have been several in the St. Louis region, featuring various fantasies and frivolity, sometimes before a fire, sometimes beneath the glow of a red light…
The thing is, you have to EARN an incredible orgy for your birthday – you can’t just dial it in. You need to spend years cultivating friendships with people who are in touch with their sexuality, and, more importantly, love and respect you.
My partner Matthew lovingly organized my gang bang, so it was only appropriate I return the favor by arranging a comparable 40th birthday celebration for him.
He helped make my fantasy of being surrounded by awesome male energy come true, so guess what? He wanted to be surrounded by awesome female energy!
We improved on the formula. This was not just a reverse gang bang, no ma’am.
This was going to be BETTER than that.
After making a list of who we would like to be present, I sent the following invitation to eight women:
Dear Women of High Esteem and Even Higher Regard,
I would be so honored if you could lend your sacred female energy to the celebration of My King’s 40th birthday celebration.
Please bring a robe to wear once inside. Cocktails will be served. Decadent catering by Shameless Grounds.
The premise: Women will lounge about in robes, chatting and bonding. The King will beckon us one by one back to his chamber for exclusive quality time, on each woman’s terms. Please know that you are not expected to do anything you do not want to do.
The evening will culminate with some group worship, with guest comfort level paramount. The goal is for everyone to be comfortable and well cared for.
With Sensual Respect and Reverence,
Queen Kendra of The Beautiful Kind
To our delight, EVERYONE responded with an enthusiastic YES!
By Kendra Holliday | August 14, 2016
The experience blew me away. I am a changed person.
I expected to soak up new energy in a new city, new ideas, new people, and learn about tantra. I’ve read a lot about it online, plus I read Barbara’s book Urban Tantra twice – yet I still didn’t have a proper grasp on it. I think tantra is like Burning Man – you have to immerse yourself in it in order to “get it.”
Well, I got all that and more – I met other sex workers, fetish models, dominatrix, tantrikas, and other specialists. I learned about marketing, BDSM, gender politics, and about other cultures.
That picture of Barbara on the right? That’s what the week was like – we were sparkling, ecstatic, and open-hearted.
My NYC escort for the week was my good friend Matthew Stillman, who was also attending the course. He’s like a brother to me – I was so lucky to spend the week with him – it was my first time to NYC and I was so intimidated! I couldn’t have been matched with a better soul – he’s lived in NYC his entire life and was an excellent guide.
We walked all over the place and took the subway!!! Columbia University, Central Park, Brooklyn Bridge… I reread A Tree Grows in Brooklyn on my trip, and found this slut-shaming passage still relevant, 70 years later:
By Kendra Holliday | June 17, 2016
I’ve had my yoni eggs for almost three years now. I’ve had them since before my hysterectomy.
I’ve futzed around with them off and on over the months, not really committing to them, just experimenting.
(Before you read any further, make sure you read my post yesterday all about yoni eggs so you know what the hell I’m talking about.)
One night, I had an intense phone conversation with my partner Matthew. Hectic life was getting in the way of our relationship and we weren’t feeling connected. The talk left me feeling agitated and upset. Exhausted, I went to sleep feeling like a smelly, wrung out dishrag.
At 3:40, I woke to great thunder and lightning. The tumultuous storm rattled the windows. I fretted and tried relaxing.
I drank a glass of wine.
I stuck my tiger’s eye yoni egg inside me – I wanted something inside. It was soo cold going in.
I frantically masturbated. When I came, I screamed. Then I cried hard, and fell back asleep. I had weird dreams, but don’t really remember them.
I woke to the alarm feeling dreary and drab, not refreshed.
My body clenched the egg tight, it didn’t want to let it go. I had to push it out, and when I did, it was really hot, and some ejaculate came with it.
More tears – this time from my pussy. More release.
By Kendra Holliday | May 11, 2016
For years, men, women, and couples have been asking me if there are any Tantra teachers in the Midwest. I knew of one in Kansas City, but she disappeared a few years ago. It looks like there are one or two active goddesses in the Chicago area.
So over the years I’ve put the word out to the local community seeking tantra experts. I found one man who was willing to speak to my group Sex Positive St Louis, but he canceled two hours before the talk, so I had to wing it!
Recently, we found another man in St Louis named StarDancer who was willing to talk about his energy body work to the group. Hearing him speak really inspired me to investigate the Tantra realm further.
I had a revelation – I want to bring Tantra from a female perspective to St Louis! I already do sex surrogate work as a sacred prostitute, so this seemed a natural step in my career as a sexuality expert.
I found out that Barbara Carrellas is offering a Tantra training workshop in New York City June 10-16. Thanks to some generous sponsors who believe in my mission, I AM GOING. I’m SO excited! It will be my first time in New York City. I can’t wait for an invigorating change of scenery and for my universe to expand!
Barbara was featured on Strange Sex demonstrating her full body energy orgasm technique, aka “thinking off” for a group of scientists. She’s the real deal!
Here is more info – Barbara’s intro on the program
More about the program
Details about registering for the program
More info on Barbara Carrellas – she’s a certified sexologist who has worked with the likes of Annie Sprinkle teaching Sacred Sex techniques! She’s very inclusive and positive in her teachings – more practical and modern than woo woo, she revels in, teases, and plays with traditional Tantra, all while honoring Tantra’s rich spiritual tradition of connection. She teaches all over the world, so it’s nice having a class offered in the U.S.
I’m excited to bring what I learn back to St. Louis. Thank you for believing in me and helping expand our collective sexual universe!
By Kendra Holliday | January 30, 2016
Here’s a kinky photo my photographer friend Stan took of my friends and me. You can see it at Naughti Gras this weekend:
I love the triangular dynamic happening in this shot – the dominant women, the submissive man. This was a dream come true for him! So much fun exploring the creative world of art and sex.
By Kendra Holliday | December 13, 2015
I’m hosting a special SEX+STL event next month!
So You Want to be a Sex Worker…
When: Tuesday, Jan 5, 7-9pm
Where: private location
Cost: $20 per person
This event is screened and private and for women only.
(In order to attend a SEX+STL private event, you need to attend one of our public events or meet one of the leaders first.)
Interested in learning about sex work? How do you find clients? How do you stay safe? How do you keep healthy? How much do you charge? What kind of situations might you encounter? Where should you do it? What are the rules? All these questions and more will be honestly and frankly answered at this fascinating and rare opportunity. Be ready to take notes!
Kendra Holliday, a seasoned sex worker, will share tips and best practices for being a successful sex worker.
Practicing and former sex workers, and those curious or serious about trying sex work are welcome to attend.
RSVP to email@example.com to request a spot.
$20/person. Bring a snack or drink if you’d like.
Topics covered include phone sex, dancing, escorting, erotic massage, surrogacy, dominatrix and more.
Come learn the secrets of The Sacred Prostitute!
By Kendra Holliday | November 21, 2015
You know you’re in a sex-positive environment when a woman can doze off nude on a day bed outdoors by herself, and not worry about anyone molesting her.
And, of course, at other times you can see a bunch of people fucking in every one of the beds, in all sorts of fun combinations. That’s also very sex-positive.
My week at Desire with the Life on the Swingset crew was better than I imagined it would be. And I have a pretty good imagination!
I was nervous and excited to travel all by myself to a couples only lifestyle resort in a different country. I only knew a few of the people who would be my naked neighbors for the week (out of 120 rooms, the Swingset had booked 88 of them – next year, they’re booking ALL of them!) But I was determined to embark on this adventure with a positive mindset – after all, what did I have to lose? Just my clothes!
As inspiration, I brought this book along with me on audio – it’s all about discovering your personal legend, and has great quotes such as, “There’s a language in the world that everyone understands – it is the language of Enthusiasm – of things accomplished with love and purpose, and part of a search for something believed in and desired.”
I highly recommend it!
When I arrived, Cooper gleefully greeted me naked, with an espresso martini in hand.
The staff served me a glass of sparkling wine and a cool towel to refresh myself from my travels. I would continue to drink sparkling wine for the rest of the week! And other cocktails, and sushi, and guacamole, and cake, and lord knows what else! Eat, drink, and be merry!
I made a name tag charm necklace (helpful when you aren’t wearing clothes!) – it’s my Twitter header.
— Kendra Holliday (@TBK365) November 9, 2015
After my necklace was made (festooned with love and good charms!) I stripped naked and joined the group. A super nice couple gave me a tour of the resort. It’s not very big, but it’s laid out in a meandering fashion, right on the beach. Speaking of, my room had an ocean view!
By Kendra Holliday | November 6, 2015
Guess what? I’m a Finalist for the Sexual Freedom Awards this year in London!
Unfortunately, I won’t be able to attend the ceremony next week because I will be celebrating my sexual freedom in … Mexico!
One of my goals for this year was to go to an all-inclusive resort in Mexico, preferably with a clothing optional beach. A month ago, it didn’t look like I would achieve that goal, but then all of a sudden, I got an email from Cooper Beckett of Life on the Swingset, offering me an amazing opportunity:
From 11/7-11/14 we are taking over about 2/3rds of Desire Resort and Spa in Cancun with Swingsetters. This is our fourth trip, and every year we’ve been proud of how it’s grown, and the wonderful variety of kinksters and non-monogamy practitioners in attendance.
Today we learned sadly that a couple would not be able to attend this year’s trip. So we find ourselves with a free room for the week.
We scrambled and came up with a list of people we’d like to invite to spend the week with us, knowing that the fact that it’s a month away might make it a long shot. You are one of the people we’d love to have there, so we were wondering if it is possible/feasible/etc, if you’d like to know more, all that.
Desire is a wonderful all inclusive clothing optional resort for couples. They have the amenities of Sandals, along with a playroom and disco, and lax attitude about people having sex on premises.
I checked my calendar, and incredibly, I was pretty open that week. Next, I checked with my partner. Since he already had a business trip scheduled during that time (SO BUMMED), I asked him if he would be okay with me going solo. I thought for sure he wouldn’t be down with it – imagine if YOUR partner wanted to go to a naked swinger resort like this for a week without you!
He said YES. Holy shit, what a King among men! That gesture takes the compersion cake, ladies and gentlemen!
So I booked my flight!
By Kendra Holliday | October 24, 2015
In my line of work, I deal with ALL kinds of people – from 20 to 90 years of age, students and seniors, vanilla and kinky, inexperienced and experienced. Most of my clients are men, and some of them don’t have good social skills or know how to successfully interact with women. They’re horny, but don’t know how to properly channel that energy in a way that makes women feel comfortable (i.e., turned on and receptive to pleasure and connection, aka SEX).
For those of you who can’t attend that day, I offer you this gem from a wonderful man I recently met. He’s in his 60’s, and he knows how to treat a woman right! He’s wooing the hell out of me! If you CAN attend, here is some food for thought ahead of time.
Advice to the younger generations from an older gentleman.
It amazes me how so many folks these days lack manners and respect in how they treat one another.
Perhaps it is the influence of TV fiction that just makes them want to mirror that fiction and act out in many negative ways under the guise of either showing respect or taking exception to “dissin” = disrespecting.
The most obvious to me is our treatment of women. Some men act as if women are their toys for their amusement or, worse yet, their property to be treated, or even abused, in any way they like. Some men even FEAR women.
Ever wonder why you are NOT getting laid? Perhaps it is a vibe of “lack of respect” for the ladies in your life, or maybe you just act in a manner that doesn’t show them respect or that you are NOT to be trusted. Mistreating a woman is NOT being a man. It is not a sign of the “dominant male”. It only proves you are immature, self-centered, inconsiderate, and that you need to GROW UP!
Being respectful of women should become the #1 priority for anyone seeking a relationship with the fairer sex. Yes, that includes ladies who love ladies, too.
Simple things like being clean (this includes brushing your teeth and using mouthwash), well-groomed (trim your fingernails!), using respectful language, being well-spoken and using proper grammar, not looking like or sounding like a slob, not attempting to use “compliments a.k.a. cat calls” that actually insult, opening car doors, offering your arm as opposed to grabbing theirs, understanding that NO means NO and not pushing it (even if she is your wife), respecting their time, bringing her thoughtful gifts such as flowers or chocolates, asking BEFORE touching, giving sincere compliments, saying Thank You, and just generally letting them know they are appreciated for WHO they are not what they are.
It is NOT treating them as if they have to follow your rules (limited exceptions for certain consensual and agreed upon BDSM relationships). In fact, you should be asking about, and then showing respect for, THEIR rules and boundaries (this includes in BDSM too).
By Kendra Holliday | October 20, 2015
Dr. Marty Klein is coming to St. Louis this week! Not only will he be presenting at the 60th American Academy of Psychotherapists Conference (YES I’m going!), but you can also catch him at a FREE event at Wash U!
Thursday, October 22, 7-9pm
Location: Washington University, Brown School, Hillman Hall 70
Hillman Hall is just east of Brown and Goldfarb Halls on the corner of Forsyth Boulevard and Hoyt Drive.
FREE, donations welcome
America’s War On Sex—And Why Humanists Should Care
If you want to get people thinking less, just throw the word sex into a room. To further subvert their rationality (and their trust in science), add the word kids. Or danger, promiscuity, pleasure, and “sexual rights.”
For many people, the combination of these words creates a nightmare vision that the Religious Right has conveniently located, described, and promised to eliminate.
That’s what their War On Sex is about: generating fear, and then promising to reduce the danger by undermining secular democracy. All by demonizing sex, and proposing ways to control it.
By focusing on the word sex, the Religious Right has been extraordinarily successful at excluding science from public policy discussions about education, medicine, the media, criminal justice, and civil rights. They have also successfully re-conceptualized private sexual expression into public behavior, which is therefore subject to public control.” Their obsessive focus on sexual danger has undermined everyone’s sexual rights, from swing clubs to South Park, from sex toy stores to internet porn, from sex education to birth control.
“The Religious Right is using the issue of sexual regulation to undermine secular democracy,” says Klein. “Its War On Sex uses phony categories, dangerism, and abroad Sexual Disaster Industry. They take sex very, very seriously—and it’s time we did, too.”
Marty Klein, Ph.D
Fellow, Secular Policy Institute
Co-Sponsored by The Skeptical Society of St. Louis and The St Louis Rationalists. Hosted by Washington University, Brown School of Social Work
Dr. Marty Klein is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist. For three decades he has written and lectured about the intersection of sex, politics, and the media. He is the award-winning author of seven books about sex, including America’s War On Sex: The Attack on Law, Lust, & Liberty, which details how the Religious Right uses the issue of sexual regulation to undermine secular democracy.
Marty serves on the editorial board of The Humanist, is a Fellow of the Secular Policy Institute, and he has keynoted conferences including TAM, American Atheists, and the Society for the Scientific Study of Sex. He recently gave two Congressional briefings on evidence-based sex education.
Marty was the first writer to challenge the then-new concept of “sex addiction,” and is still its best-known critic (see Wikipedia!). He continually challenges the sex-negative quackery of American psychotherapy, with its gender stereotypes, iatrogenic beliefs about childhood sexuality, and prejudices about monogamy and pornography.
About his current book, Sexual Intelligence, Psychology Today simply says: “If you want to improve your sex life, read this book.” Audiences around the world say that goes for his talks, too–which are thought-provoking, down-to-earth, and entertaining.
Here is my Amazon review of his book, America’s War on Sex:
“I’m aware of how backwards and fearful the U.S. is when it comes to sex, but it’s nice to see it all spelled out, organized, and backed with facts. Some of the facts are appalling! It’s incredible how much people want to control other people’s personal lives, and the lack of empathy. So many people are not just ignorant, but stupid! The author brings up some interesting points, such as our sex ed for kids approach is in order to make adults feel more comfortable, and does a great disservice to our children. The way our society is set up now will keep therapists in business for decades. This book is an important read for a sex-positive activist. I wish we could change our methods to match countries that have a successful model, but there are too many rich religious groups invested in profiting from the current set up that is preventing us from self-actualizing and being happy and healthy.”
Be sure and meet him when he’s in town!
By Kendra Holliday | July 15, 2015
Okay, so you know how I host play parties, right?
Epic: “a legendary work of art”
I’m SO proud that I pulled it off. I’ve hosted over ten of these parties, and they don’t get any easier. They’re SOO much work, and I don’t even break even. A labor of love, for sure!
In fact, this one will be my last for a while. I’m looking for someone I trust to take over TBK party organizing so I can focus on other projects. If I can find someone, you can expect the next one to happen in the fall.
I couldn’t do it without my core group of volunteers – the inner circle. And my partner, who doesn’t even like big party public sex. He’s an invaluable, supportive manager. And the party guests – they bring so much great energy and enthusiasm!
We had skinny dipping, a spanking bench, a girl pile, an orgy or two, and a gang bang! We even had naked fishing at 3am!
Let me run you through it.
We rented a big, secluded house in the country, on a lake. GORGEOUS.
The theme of the party was “Beach! BDSM! Bisexuality! Bingo!”
The only thing that was mandatory was the beach; all the others were optional. 🙂
The two big rules were CONSENT, and NO DROWNING.
Here I am, taking balloons out to the mailbox:
Our friends catered the party – so delicious! Kebobs, fruit, veggies… gotta keep your energy levels up!
Guests started showing up at 7pm, wearing beach attire, and quickly stripped down and got in the lake.