A lesson on how NOT to get to know other people and build relationships. Don’t try this at home. (Details have been changed to protect identity.)

The other day,  a man contacted me via SEX+STL:

kendra love to meet you an talk let me know when u will be going to a function love to talk to you also let me no when you have a nude event or something like that…………..!!

I replied to him:

Thanks for the note! I try and attend as many events as I can
www.sexstl.com/calendar

check out the calendar and see if there’s an event you’re interested in, I can let you know if I will be there.

Also if you want you can schedule a one hour consultation with me for a more personalized experience
www.beopenandhonest.com

Let me know, look forward to meeting you, thanks!
Kendra

He replied:

Kendra! hi. thanks for you note i will meet up will let you know when ok! also is it possible to have a get to gether at my place. maybe a bules hockey game an watch it an bring over beer soda wine or what ever! also like a nude party i woulk like to invite you an 6-7 people you know men women  an just sit around an watch a hockey game some saturday nite can i do that i have a town house in south county just trying to meet people ya no. let me know what you think!!!!!!!!!

Normally I delete messages like this, but I was curious. What type of person would entertain this idea, and why would they think it would be an effective approach?

I asked him:

Can you tell me more about yourself? How old are you? Where are you from? Can you share a pic of yourself? Have you ever hosted a party like this before? What are your friends like?

His reply:

i am 44 i send you a pic i am from st louis grew up a catholic am still played pro soccer i am 5’8 145 lbs. blue eyes blond streeks in my hair an i am soft spoken honest athletic i am a nice guy an trustwrothy. I am single an looking!!!

This turned into a lovely teaching moment for my daughter.

I told her that if any man she doesn’t know invites her over to watch hockey nude, AND it’s BYOB, just say NO. Even if he says he’s trustwrothy.

We’ll be sitting in front of this in about 12 hours!

This is our fifth year going to The Cabin!

It’s our favorite yearly ritual – stealing away a week before the holidays and giving ourselves the best gift – time for just the two of us.

For 72 hours, we’ll be living in our own private universe where time and the internet doesn’t exist. In between all the fucking and frolicking, we’ll stoke the fire and eat cake at 2am, watch a movie, float away in the hot womb of the jacuzzi, listen to music playlists that celebrate different aspects of our lives, sip Maker’s Mark hot toddies at 6am…

Previous years have been epic. This time we’re taking Beethoven. We’ll be far, far away, experiencing something new, and something positively familiar. We’ve had another whole year to strengthen our bond.

Funny how driving four hours from both our houses feels like coming home.

He wrote this note to me three years ago, and it still holds true:

We need a cabin for a weekend together,
undress beside the ashes of the fire.
Your white gown smells of burning leaves.
It’s cold outside but I penetrate you with heat.
I keep you with every inch of my soul.
I love you.
I hate you.
I AM over you, peering down upon you worn and wet.
Reverting to your fetal shape in a torrent of emotion.
I am the man who defines you.
You are the woman who adores me.
A Burgundy box of worthless treasure in priceless proportions.
I will soak the thorny stem I place on your grave.
I am over you, in ALL ways.
We, Dear Slut, are far from over…..

(This is not a pic of him, but of some random gentleman)

So, we’ve been dating this sweet ‘n sexy couple for the past year or so.

It’s been very slow going because we’re all so busy. We finally realized we had to carve out time with each other in order to have special dates, so one week I went out with the husband, and Matthew had a date with the wife a couple nights later.

Let me tell you about my date first – he was such a gentleman!

I wore a pretty, silky jade dress. I felt a little nervous! I was excited to finally have a chance to talk and bond with him in an intimate manner. We had sex once before, months ago, but it was a totally different feel – anonymous and clandestine, with no words exchanged. So even though I had a sneak preview of his prowess, tonight felt brand new.

He came to my door and knocked, presenting me with a bottle of wine and a bouquet of lettuce greens from his garden! He complimented me on my dress and opened the car door for me.

We went to The Fountain on Locust for drinks and dinner. He knew right where he was going, and I didn’t have to worry about a thing!

This was our first chance to enjoy one-on-one quality time with each other. He made me feel so special. I was in a delicate, feminine mood that night. He asked me questions and listened thoughtfully as I babbled away about all kinds of things. He had such a confident, gentle demeanor.

The Fountain served us AMAZING ice cream martinis, which we kept sampling throughout dinner. Our server was amazing and added some electric energy to the atmosphere. His intensity made me blush when he took our drink orders. I love the decor, too – all blue and gold, art deco.

When we got back to my place, he went to pour two glasses of wine for us. When he returned, he found me wearing only lingerie – I couldn’t wait to slip my dress off!

(more…)

After our spontaneous threesome the other night, I was SO eager for the three of us to get together again! I’m so greedy! I want more more MORE!

Lana came over, and we sat on the back porch and talked over cocktails, relaxing and catching up.

After a while, he asked her if she was down to play that night, and she said yes!

I love her hazel eyes, her bountiful hair, and pert nose. I’m a sucker for pert noses! She has such animated facial expressions, and tells such funny stories. I love her mannerisms. Very mischievous eyes. Also, she has an extremely smooth butt. It’s like really cute butter.

This time, he drew a bubble bath for two! We both easily fit in the tub. He gave us our girl time to sit and talk. He checked in on us, brought us drinks, it was wonderful!

Then we sat on the couch for a while to cool down, the two of us naked with towels.

He led us up to the bedroom, which was bathed in the golden glow of a small, bedside lamp. The king-size bed was adorned with chocolate brown sheets. Mood music played softly in the background.

(more…)

I posted my version of this story here. His version is here. And now, let’s hear a few words from Lana, our latest lover, an extremely sexual woman experiencing polyamory for the very first time:

I’ve never been asked to put my thoughts and feelings into words. Creating something that someone will actually read and digest. I am feeling a lot of new feelings and experiencing so many new things…

I had a full week to anticipate our night together. I had many thoughts about what I was feeling…like how humbled I felt and the feeling that I was allowed into the Queen and King’s court. But at the same time, I felt empowered that I made a decision to try for something I wanted – and deserved.

Our night started with me very tingly…almost the whole time,  my pussy was throbbing. I felt sexy wearing a dress that was given to me.

Looking back on it , the dress which was left for me from the Queen… made me want to wear it even more. I looked sexy and felt confident. We never had a moment of silence. Just free flowing thoughts between us.

All week I was trying not to “plan” out the night. You had mentioned a massage and a bath, which I wanted VERY badly. We made our way to the bedroom where candles were lit – such a thoughtful, romantic gesture. I felt special, knowing you were thinking of me. Your hands are so strong and precise. The massage was so very enjoyable.  And then it was time to go out on the town. It was exciting to be out and feeling sexy. My hair down, wearing no bra or panties…having your hands on my ass and caressing my shoulders…I was getting HOT. Playing the “Who would you fuck and why?” game….All new experiences that filled me with liberated joy. We talked all night when we got home, too. And we can’t forget all the times I came!

I have to say with everything that happened that night, my favorite part was after the bath, I was sitting naked on the couch and listening to music, you were almost just thinking out loud. Just coming up with amazing thoughts that stimulated and soothed at the same time. I was just taking it all in and felt so relaxed.

Thank you for a most enjoyable evening….I’m so excited to do it again…next time lets invite the Queen?!

I was so happy to read these thoughts she shared with us!

We made plans for the three of us to hang out together on Sunday night, but it turns out we couldn’t wait that long…

(more…)

I’ve reached my ideal relationship goal.

A few years ago, when my partner would go on a date, I would lie in bed, heart pounding, unable to sleep until he called me when the date was over. I would imagine all kinds of scenarios, some hot, some scary, and would anxiously hold my breath as he recounted details of the date. As the story would flesh out, I would cautiously relax, but still be slightly wary.

Time and again, after each of these encounters, he would make me feel special and secure in our relationship. I also grew accustomed to the strange sensations.

Nowadays, I can sleep fine when he’s out on a date. I don’t have to be on a date myself, I can be doing my own thing, hanging with my daughter or a friend, or enjoying some alone time. This is a big accomplishment!

Whenever I start to feel jealousy or possessiveness creep in, I remind myself that my partner is not an object. I can’t put him in a closet when I’m not with him. He deserves as much happiness and exploration as I desire for myself.

Here is an example.

Last weekend, I took my daughter on a retreat four hours north of St. Louis. We spent the time frolicking in a tiny village, creating art, making music and friends.

Meanwhile, my partner had a date scheduled with a new woman, someone we both knew. She was in transition and wanted to find out what polyamory was all about. She approached us about it, asking how it all works. She came to the right people.

With her last boyfriend, she told him she was okay with him being with other women, as long as he let her know about it. Unfortunately, he couldn’t handle being truthful and cheated on her, despite her generous offer!

She knew she deserved better than that, so she decided to make the most of her fresh start.

They had their date. It went from 6pm until 10am that morning – EPIC!

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“Fatherhood” by Viktor Mikhaylovich Vasnetsov

Ed Note: This is a guest post by my partner, Matthew. He is the father of two children.

A couple of weeks ago, I started hearing the yearly buzz of “Father’s Day” gifts, salutations and tributes.  I started thinking a bit more in depth on the subject of Fatherhood and what it means to me.

Being a Father is synonymous to me with being a man. I hear so many people speak of “men” they know or have connections with and then start divulging details about these people.

I know women who demand flowers from their husbands as a way of apologizing for an act of relationship treason.

I know women who are dating “men” right now, but speak of nothing but their shortcomings.

I know of “men” whose wives have gotten up and walked away from them while they were eating her pussy.

I know of “men” who don’t make an effort to spend time with their children.

I know of “men” who can’t separate business from pleasure and vice versa.

I know of “men” who are so weak themselves, that they show their “strength” by preying on the eager and ignorant.

I know women who have settled for a “man”.

I know of “men” who live in their mother’s basement.

I know of “men” who can’t dress themselves.

I am sure you know plenty of “men” like this as well.

If a man has children, they are his number one priority.

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Temporarily, anyway.

Ed  Note: I’ve had many woman exploring polyamory contact me lately expressing their gut-wrenching emotions surrounding sharing their partner. I asked one permission to share her story with others, as it will no doubt comfort those going through the same thing.

I started reading about polyamory a couple of years ago. It started out of curiosity, but on the backdrop of “Oh, I could never do that.”

As that backdrop fell away, I found that this kind of lifestyle made more and more sense to me. I’d never had a long term relationship, and the idea of appreciating connections on all levels really appealed to me.

I decided to try it out. I joined OKCupid, and I went on dates with a couple of guys who were in open marriages…nothing really panned out there. Then I exchanged messages with someone who was smart, interesting, and poly.

On our first date (in a coffee shop), we ended up talking for over two hours. We hit it off immediately, plus I found him incredibly attractive. There was a point in the date where we both looked at each other and seemed to both think, “This is going really well!”

We started seeing each other regularly. The sex was (is) mind-blowing. So was (is) our mental connection. Slowly and organically we realized: holy fuck, we’re in love.

We became a “couple”. We aren’t out as non-monogamous to many  people. Some of my friends know–they’ve known I identified as non-mono even before I met him–but discussing my relationship with my mono friends has proved…troubling. I have tried to cultivate more poly friends as resources, and the online communities have certainly been helpful.

He has had a lot more experience with polyamory than I have. As I grew closer with him, I started getting nervous because…he was still going out on dates and I didn’t want to. He was still having sex with play partners from his past, while I found myself turned off to my previous play partners. Sex with an intense emotional connection was the only kind of sex I craved, and these previous partners and I did not have that.
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