The Beautiful Kind
Kinky Stories & Relationship / Sex Advice
Ask the Slut: How Do I Give A Compliment?
This is another post inspired by the scads of comments from "Can Creepy Men Be Cured?" http://thebeautifulkind.com/columns/ask-the-slut/can-creepy-men-be-cured
Dear Slut,
What's the best way to give a compliment to a Lady?
Dear An Aspiring Gentleman,
I'll let my friend Velvet Lilly answer this one. Here is an essay she posted on FetLife, which she prefers over CollarMe. According to Velvet Lilly, CollarMe.com is "the Chuck E Cheese of freaks. It is a cesspool of broken things."
People LOVE to receive compliments. It makes our day and warms our hearts.
Now think about the times someone has tried sliming up to you with some cheap excuse of a compliment and then wouldn't leave you alone until you are forced into rudeness. Awful, isn't it?
Many men don't know how to give compliments.
There are all kinds of false communications that disguise themselves as compliments but are actually not-so-hidden agendas, which negates the compliment and cheapens the actual reason why the communication was started in the first place.
If you know how to give a REAL compliment - CONGRATS! We love you!
For the unlearned out there.... Allow me give a lesson.
When a true Gentleman gives a compliment, he truly believes what he is saying and wants to honestly impart this to someone. His only purpose is to GIVE IT. Period. He does not require or expect a communication back. He has NO other agenda. He then withdraws with dignity, leaving it up to the Lady to do with it what she will.
The opposite of this is a guy who gives a Lady a compliment with the intent of getting attention for HIMSELF.
When this happens it really doesn't matter what he says to her - as long as he gets communication started. Or he gives a compliment that is really a come-on and he expects a response. THIS IS NOT A COMPLIMENT THIS IS SLIME BALL MOVE 101 AND WE SMELL IT A MILE AWAY.
Do NOT, under any circumstances, give smarmy, showy compliments. This is simply performance, a ruse..
If the Lady DOES communicate back with you, this is your chance to be yourself. Don't be smarmy or what you may think is "smooth." Don't give "lines". We hate it, we can smell it, and it stinks.
(Ed Note: Velvet Lilly’s advice contradicts the advice given on Master Pickup sites like StyleLife Academy, which seems to be a Douchebag Training Center. Advice given there is along the lines of: “Don't touch or grab her right away. If she touches you, say, with a smile, “Hey now, hands off the merchandise.” REALLY?)
Example #1 A real compliment
Gent: Excuse me, but I saw some pictures of you today and wanted to tell you that you are beautiful. Have a great day.
Example#2 Phony crap
Gent: Hey hotness, God you're beautiful. I just had to tell you how smokin’ you are. You know... I'm a producer.
Example #3 A real compliment
Gent: It's been a while since I've spoken to you, but I was reminded of you today and I had to tell you - Hi sexy lady!
Lady: Thank you! It's good to hear from you!
Example #4 Phony crap
Gent: Hey sexy ! I miss you, you're so hooot!
Lady: Wow , thanks, you too. I haven't heard from you in ages - what made you think of me?
Gent: Saw pics of you and theres smoke comin off me because you're so hot!
Lady: uhh... what pictures are you talking about? and what have you been smokin, eh?
Gent: oh they're everywhere.......but just forget it. (he has now gotten nervous, negated his communication, therefore invalidating his original compliment, which is passive agressive.)
The Lady is now irritated because he's being evasive. (he didn't answer - what pictures- Are they doctored pictures of said lady cavorting indecently with armadillos? Are they candid shots someone is posting to defame her? Are they just silly pics from a party? wtf?) He's not being sincere or open. Either way, he's brushed off her attempt at real conversation and a real question.
Example #5 Phony crap
Gent: Hello there. You are very beautiful. You know, I'm a producer.
Lady: Thank you for the compliment, Have a pleasant evening.
Gent: (sitting down now) But, I’m a producer, you should give me your number.
Lady: Actually I’d just like to sit and have my drink. Thank you though.
Gent: (rude tone) What, I give you a compliment. I can’t talk to you?
Lady: Actually, you gave me a compliment to draw attention to yourself. If you were really a producer you’d have asked if I can even act. Your line is a come on to get a phone number and I don’t appreciate it. Please leave me to my drink.
Example #6, The WORST kind
Gent: Wow, you're hot. Wanna dance?
Lady: No thank you.
Gent: BITCH!
To recap :
1.Give a compliment that's real. Don't expect anything in return.
2. If your agenda is anything other than to give the compliment.- it's not a real compliment and we will know it. Don't do it. OR don't fake it, just communicate.
3. Don't follow a compliment with shallow "lines".
4. Be honest.
5. Be a gentleman and know how to give a graceful exit.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
YATBK: Lance
YATBK: Lance
Friday, January 29, 2010
TheFWord's Little Shop of Smells
TheFWord's Little Shop of Smells
Comments
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marj
Excellent advice!
Kaia
Love it! Compliments are a lot more important than some men believe, I think. And it's absolutely true. A fake compliment won't ever mean anything to me, no matter how sweet it is. Hearing that I'm the most gorgeous girl on the planet means nothing to a guy who would apparently stick it to anybody who would let him.
the velvet lilly
heh.. to those jerks I quote Ashley Judd in a film:
" Oh my. An expert. How fortunate"
(said with clear disdain)
The other thing I really hate is: two or more women are walking in a group... a gent stops you all and singles ONE out to say - usually with great swagger - "YOU are soooooo beautiful"
It's a really tacky thing to do to the rest of the ladies present and he has no clue how rude he's being.
Miss Scarlet
Or worse, when you go somewhere with a friend and a guy starts hitting on her then turns to YOU and is all like, "dude, your friend is smokin hot!"
Historygirl
Oh yeah! The "wow your friend is really hot, how do I get her to notice me". What a jerk. Or the guys who over the course of the evening say the same tacky line about how pretty a woman is. That happened once from the same guy to EVERY woman in the party I was with.
The Beautiful Kind
GOD this reminds me of the time a guy I was on a date with said, "I asked you out because I knew better than to ask your friend out. She's too pretty to date me." Talk about thoughtless!
bojo
Well said, Ms. Lilly, crisply written practical advice. You have the ability to attempt correcting bad behavior with gentle loving joyful persuasion.
fuzzilla
Exactly. Don't act entitled to the response you want; a woman's not a vending machine. If the compliment's too generic it could be given to anyone, it's pretending to recognize the woman as special when any girl would do. Double messages like that can make me feel worse than being ignored altogether.
Busty Brainiac
I agree, and it's even worse when you sleep with someone and then they tell you that they were purely thinking with their little head and probably would have slept with anything that has two mammary glands and could suck his dick. At least if a guy(or chick) is upfront about his or her asshattery you know not to fuck them.
isabella
asshattery, i like it!
isabella
Wonderful advice, VL, straightforward yet gentle, I love your style.
One of the nicest compliments I've ever received was from a guy getting a lap dance, when i touched his face he told me how soft my hands were. THAT was real.
When a classmate told me I was his favorite person to train with- because I was funny and fun to be with- THAT was real.
Telling me you like my open toe heels and proceeding to ask me if you can lick my toes is NOT going to make me feel like continuing the conversation.
silvershovler
so what your saying is not to tell a chick something like this. wow those are nice shoes. where did you get them? i would like to get my girlfriend/wife a pair. do they come in women sizes?
the velvet lilly
LOL!!! niiiice.... very nice.
chuckle....
Historygirl
Hahahaaha! oh yes, that's right up there with the one I get when I go out (all busty women are probably stuck with this):
Guy: "Are those real"
Me: "insert snappy repartee here"
As though "are your breasts real" is a compliment/conversation starter!!
The Beautiful Kind
GRRRRR for being tacky and thoughtless!
EotW
"Velvet Lilly’s advice contradicts the advice given on Master Pickup sites like StyleLife Academy"
Actually on the contrary, was looking at that link above and one part on it (a line or two above the quote above) says "Don't hit on her *or give her a generic compliment*," which is the same of what is being said above.
The Beautiful Kind
Very true! I suppose there is some overlap, though some of those tips struck me as odd. Curious as to VL's version of that list of tips for succeeding with a woman, how they would compare.
the velvet lilly
Sorry to disabuse you of your misinformation.... EotW... I have a feeling you're either faking a name as someone already here , or one of thier pals....
FACT: You're missing the NEXT part of that lesson on that douchebag 101 website.....craftily insult her or say things to put her off balance (my words)
the OVERALL message of "organizations" like this is to SCORE. Not make a real connection..it's to get laid. period.
You will NEVER. EVER. become a better MAN by adhering to any of these crapulent eddicts.
I know men who've spent thousands on this vaccuous bullshit. They are more of a dickhead when they leave these workshops.
They are petulant, insecure, falsely confident (not redundant), and lacking any real sense of self.
They work hard at pretending - and thats' what these sites teach...pretend.... it's not about becoming a compassionate, empathetic, confident, strong MAN.
It's about getting their dicks wet...and that's simply.....boring and annoying.
But I'm not quite sure I know how I feel.......
The Beautiful Kind
Re becoming a compassionate, empathetic, confident, strong MAN: I'm going to read this book called "King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine." I think it's in line with the self-actualization stuff I'm so keen on. I want MEN, not boys!
Historygirl
Go Men!! There's something so satisfying when talking to a guy and you realize that he's a man, not some teenager who still thinks being a 16 year old high school stud it it!
Buzzie
well...ladies......and gents. I would like to give myself a compliment.
Afterwards please let me know if I learned anything.
Hey, Buzzie, you cook, you clean, you do laundry, clean the bathroom, look handsome, work hard, and are a great dad, not to mention own your own car and pay your bills...Jeez you must be a womans wet dream. By the way ...nice cock.
How was that?
the velvet lilly
Buzzie,
I love you a little bit right now.
::::beam::: I wish there were private messages on here - I'd smother you with compliments. xoxoo!!
Buzzie
(blushes)
the velvet lilly
heee, seriously.. find me at a oh el.com or on fet life.
The Beautiful Kind
Awwww VL has a crush on Buzzie!
Historygirl
Go Buzzie Go!
A compliment, a real compliment, just a hint of flirtation while lauding real attributes that are specific to the awesome person!
Swedishskier
Some women aren't good at taking compliments either. It doesn't mean they don't want to get them, just that they don't know what to do/say afterward. That's why I liked the be ready to walk away part of the advice. The woman might be really caught off guard. Its also why its annoying when a man expects a certain response. If the woman's thrown by this compliment, then she's not necessarily going to give the response you want, even if she thinks it.
The Beautiful Kind
Good point! Human behavior is so complicated. I heart your brains, Swedishskier. That compliment shouldn't throw you off, as I've told you that before. :)
Starry
I really loved this! The quickest way for me to write a guy off forever is to hear that "cocky/funny/insult shit spewing from his mouth.