The Beautiful Kind
Kinky Stories & Relationship / Sex Advice
Ask the Slut: What is a Sex Surrogate?
Dear Slut,
How can I be a better lover if I don't currently have someone I can practice with? I haven't touched another person in eight months. Why did my last two girlfriends say I was terrible in bed? How do I please a woman? I've learned my moves from watching porn - my parents sure as heck didn't talk to me about sex. Am I good at eating pussy? How can I last longer? Is my dick big enough? I lack confidence and social skills. My mojo is out of whack - can you help me???
Dear Just Another Guy,
Yes, I can help you.
I am a sex surrogate.
A sex surrogate, also called a surrogate partner, is a person who helps others overcome social and sexual issues through hands on intimacy.
You can find out more about who can benefit from the services of a sex surrogate and what a surrogate does by reading my latest article for SexIs here.
There aren't that many surrogates in the United States, and most of them are located on the east and west coasts. I think you'll discover a surprise or two reading my introduction about the profession. This piece launches my "Diary of a Sex Surrogate" series with SexIs.
PS: Check out the website "Make Love Not Porn," created by a woman whose mission is to bust porn mythconceptions! She's an older woman - a cougar, if you will - and kept running into sex moves she didn't like with her young loverboys. When she asked them, "Excuse me, but why are fucking me in that odd detatched manner?" or "Why are you gagging me with your cock?" they'd reply, "That's how they do it in porn!" Hence the website.
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Comments
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Dragonhide
Thanks for the link to "Make love not porn"... It's a shame that kids sometimes fail to see the difference between performing for the camera- maximum exposure to the camera, and stuff that actually feels good. I sometimes cringe at the stuff I see- poor gals, poor guys, that must hurt the back!
I'm finding that article on sex surrogates fascinating, and am glad to see that sort of service in the mid-west. There sure are a lot of people with hangups here.... I know I don't have to tell you that. :)
The Beautiful Kind
I KNOW! You practically have to be an acrobat to be a porn star! They are definitely performers. And it's more than just fucking in front of a camera - you have to be able to cum on command, have an impressive anal gape, squirt a river, have a monster dick you can pound nails with... whew I'm exhausted!
isabella
Acrobatics are fine if you're just having fun with them. I engage in plenty. It's when you forget the sensuality of the whole experience and the MONSTER DICK and the SQUIRTER end up being the stars of the show instead of the people behind them--that's when it becomes ridiculous. Wake up mister!!! There's a mind and soul attached to the pussy you're pounding, include the rest of me in the whole thing!I'm not getting paid here, right???
TBK, you have your work cut out for you!
Rattler9
I don't know what it is, but recently the allure of pornography is waning for me. It would be great to see sex surrogates become a more important part of our society. I know I have some hangups, so knowing that there's someone that could just be open and willing to understand - its very comforting.
I'll be sure to read your Sexls articles, TBK! From what I've read from you so far, I'm sure they'll be a most fascinating read!
Historygirl
Has anyone read the Vorkosigan Saga books by Lois McMaster Bujold. Highly recommend, but that's the first place I ran across the idea of sex surrogacy. Then I stumbled onto TBK and was amazed because it seems so obviously helpful. Much much more so than how I started sex/intimacy, that's for sure. Thank you TBK for being willing to make a difference! (and then sharing it so we can cheer/weep/learn)
Toni
A very noble profession, but full of hardships it seems to me. I can imagine that someone being let out of their shells and introduced to a new wide world, can easily become emotionally attached to the person who helped them do so.
I'd imagine the opposite could happen as well, although probably less often and with less adverse consequences.
Beth
I am really looking forward to your articles. I love the psychology behind human sexuality.
The Beautiful Kind
Thanks! My next one will be out in a couple weeks, it covers erectile dysfunction. I'm working on one about penis size right now. I swear I have penis on the brain!!!
Kaia
Your smile in that picture is absolutely adorable.
And this is SUCH a good idea. A sex surrogate is kind of like a hands on sex therapist then? I think it's an interesting idea. It's nice to be accepted by a learned professional.
And the other website is good, too! I have no gripes with porn. It's great if you wanna rub a fast one out, but there are definitely some misconceptions that go along with it that aren't right at all.
Two good ideas in a single post. Love it :)
The Beautiful Kind
Thanks! Had a nice intro sex surrogate session today. In our next session, we'll work on confidence.