Dear KAPSLOK, What is your opinion of the "Doms" out there who wear their paddles attached to their belt loops and ask that you address them only as "Grand Pooba Best Dom Man In Town, My Shit Don't Stink and I have More Toys then You?"

Best Regards,
bb

PS That picture is fabulous...lol

This is fucking hilarious! What a great post to wake up to :)

I seriously would like to see someone do an intricate rope bondage and wear velcro shoes. The irony!

KAPSLOK--Some people say that you can't be a *ahem* "true" Master without experiencing being a bottom or a sub for someone else. How do you feel about this? Do you think there's a Domme or Dom out there that you could/would take you down a notch for the experience?

And how did you train the guinea pig to kneel? That's pretty amazing.

*running the other way to hide....*

Dear Master KAPSLOK,

After spending a horrid day at work intimidating my employees and skipping my afternoon nap, I returned home to find the house slut had let my dinner of Brodo con Rosamarina grow cold on the stove. Should I have eaten it with the Pinot Noir or stuck with the chilled Chianti? And how many lashings does this culinary assault merit?

I await your studied response.

Dear KAPSLOK,

Being the Master Dominate that YOU are, I'm sure YOU already have a black leather vest. When are YOU going to unveil YOUR sweet full gladiator uniform???

*kneels humbly at YOUR powerful feet awaiting YOUR glorious reply*

My Master makes me handknit my own LOOSESOCKS. This has the added benefit of leaving me with sore fingers to remind me of just how Truly Great He is.

ha, I remember when I read his profile for the first time and was like, "I must have the wrong person."

Then, after reading many other profiles, I got the joke.

Question for either:

If someone often fantasizes about power play in which they are in charge, but is more comfortable in a submissive role, what are they? Aside from confused.

I recently discovered your blog and I love it! I think having Master KAPSLOK post sometimes would be hilarious. (There was a feature on another blog, I'm drawing a complete blank which one, which featured a Q&A column "written" by a Gor master. Again, much hilarity.)

Dear KAPSLOK,
I find myself wanting to undress and stand naked to await the desires of any strong man including but not limited my lovely and strong husband. Should I seek help for this condition?

Dear KAPSLOK,

My message board posts seem sort of callow and flaccid. Any advice to remedy this?

THENAMEOF YOURLORDANDSAVIOR ISMISPELLED SIXTIMESON THISPAGE TBKYOU WILLPAYIFTHOSEMISTAKES ARENOTALLEVIATED BYTHETIME YOUKNEEL INMYPRESENCE AGAIN

dear KAPSLOK,

does being DOMINANT affect YOUR ability in day to day life? do YOU find YOURSELF butting in lines at amusement parks, kicking puppies, grabbing grocery store baguette bread and snapping it in half at random?

as just a mousy doormat submissive, I find day to day life very confusing. it is like my head won’t comprehend it. I spent today making excuses for a DOMINANT butting in line, taking puppies to the vet and buying broken baguettes. as a doormat subbie i feel so incomplete without a big strong DOMINANT MAN leading me around. i was wondering KAPSLOK SIR if YOU are interested in a poly household?

Beast- I'd like you to be my new twin brother best friend to make me laugh my FUCKING ASS OFF!
KAPSLOK,
I'm not sure if you could handle a real woman. What if I put a loose sock on your hard cock? Could you fling it off sans hands?

I thought some of those replies were in Hungarian at first glance. Is it KAPSLOK or SPACEBARBROKEN?

Dear KAPSLOK,

Pleasure to meet you. A few questions for your CAPSLOCKYNESS...

Have you experienced sockpuppet sex?
Will rhubarb work as a substitute for the yucca plant?
Have you met "HeShitOnMe" on Twitter?
Have you ever given a presentation on nostril rape?

Finally... why are there beige M&M's?