The Sensual Dom
.jpg)
Miss Scarlet left a comment the other day about how there is a dearth of good Doms in town. Her exact words were, "I have yet to meet a big, strong, confident, dominant man who is local and single."
I'm lucky to have my Dom, but where ARE all the good ones out there?
When I first entered the BDSM scene, I had several Doms contact me on FetLife. At first I was excited - I thought I would learn a lot from them.
Instead, as I got to know each of them better, I discovered they weren't what they made themselves out to be at all! They were control freaks, predatory, creepy, or manipulative liars. I have to admit, I'm a little disenchanted. But still open-minded and optimistic!
If you know of any good Doms in St. Louis, please leave a comment sharing why he or she is worthwhile. And if you know any good single Dom men, please let Miss Scarlet know!
Remember this guest post from The Sensual Dom about what makes a good Dom? I have good news for you - he has a blog now! It can be found here.
I've bitched to him about the length of his posts, but he told me he's not interested in building his readership, that it's a personal journal written for his submissive to enjoy, that others can spy on if they wish.
I recommend his blog because he speaks so honestly and has a unique take on concepts I haven't read elsewhere. There's a lot of ORIGINAL thought. Also, do you know of any other blogs written by Dom men who are more into the sensual aspect of BDSM? It's a lovely change of pace from all the whips and chains.
Here is an excerpt from one of his posts:
The fact is this: if you’re an articulate, together, moderately successful, financial stable, mentally sharp, sane, fairly good-looking, fit, and charming dominant the world is your oyster. If you don’t embody at least half these traits, perhaps it is time to go to your mirror and ask, “Why would any woman consider me ’dominant?’
They won’t, more than likely you’re not, but best of luck!
For those men who do embody many of these dominant traits but bemoan their outcast state complaining about the lack of available submissives, let me suggest:
1.) Never offer your photo, and never, ever ask a woman for a photo.
Instead, wait till the woman begs you to send your photo, and is dying to send hers in return.
If you don’t draw them to you with your words, most likely you won’t with a picture, so why send one? Just wait, be patient, and if you intrigue she will ask to see you, and if she likes will send you shot after shot both clothed and naked. She wants you. If you wish a woman to eventually beg for you, why not start by making her beg for a photo?
2.) Be funny, not pie-in-the-face funny, but offer real wit.
In four days my submissive had been contacted by 221 men or couples (mostly men). Of these 221, guess what percentage possessed true wit or style?
Zero.
3.) Give up on the whole ’Master Punisher’ motif. Go sensual, you won’t regret it!
He's got a lot of good advice for Dom-wannabes and submissive newbies. A lot of people entering the scene head straight to the floggers and rope, and pass up the mental tools that are more important for a satisfying and successful D/s relationship experience. What do you think?
---
Photo by Sevelin Sin
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
YATBK: Graydancer
YATBK: Graydancer
Monday, November 30, 2009
His Threesome Last Weekend, Part 2
His Threesome Last Weekend, Part 2
33 Responses to "The Sensual Dom"
Hot Features
Why Am I Not Getting Laid?
Help support the site!
| Donate Once | Donate Monthly |
|---|---|
thevelvetlilly
So true!
Could it be.... am I reading a man who gets it?
I have tried to explore the world of BDSM...but the fellows I've run into are exactly the wrong sort. Creepy, power issues (they have none), petulant, afraid of women issues- so they must contrl them- with pathetic power trips or passive aggressive blame games, emo or just ignorant to what they or any women would want.
Once I spent a few weeks talking to a friend who revealed he was a Dom. He sent me a questionnaire that he sends subs before an interview for collaring/ training. He was into shibari and taught me about that- which was wonderful to learn in some ways. Not so much in others- I love to celebrate the beauty of bodys and line and form...binding to make something less beautiful makes no sense to me.
Some questions made me think....some questions were hard to answer..some were downright stupid. And I answered with exactly that.
I think it intimidated him...he never wrote me back or contacted me again. :::chuckle:::
If I can intimidate you... you're no Dom.
Ditto another fellow in town...he's so emo yet fancies himself a dom ( I can't even use a capital D with this) I call him the 333 of Goth....because he's too silly to ever make it to true evil of 666...heh.
I shall look forward to reading more of the Sensual Dom! Cheers!
thevelvetlilly
"If I can intimidate you... you're no Dom."
meant for the fellow in my story..
not The Sensual Dom!
The Beautiful Kind
Yep, you know what I'm talking about! That's why I wanted to share this Sensual Dom blog with my readers - it has valuable insight!
isabella
333, *giggle*
isabella
thank you for sharing! he's so right...
Beth
Has Beast ever thought about holding workshops on how to be a good Dom? I would gladly pay for my partner to take some classes if they were available hehe because he seems to think Doms are like all those guys you came across on fetlife.
The Beautiful Kind
Yes Beast is open to holding workshops on any number of topics. In fact, we announced our first one a year ago, and no one RSVP'ed. I think Doms are like teenagers in that they think they already know it all? hee hee
Beth
I would have RSVP'd for him if it weren't for that pesky few hundred miles between us ;)
Beth
actually we are hoping to do a road trip next fall, how much would beast charge for a one on one hour session? I know training my Dom would probably take more than one session but at least it would be a step in the right direction. ;)
The Beautiful Kind
I have no idea what Beast would charge, but it really would be great to hold classes and I'd love to be his demo girl! I'm sure we can figure something out, but in the meantime study up by reading Sensual Dom's blog, checking out the Training of O, and reading Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns!
A Girl
I agree 100% with the excerpt in that post...and with your experience on FL. I stopped using my FL because of so many creepy guys offering themselves to be my Dom (or my slave, since I consider myself a switch, but oddly only with women). Or yet, ordering me to be their slave...yeah right.
I tried meeting people in the community (NC/SC) and found much of the same. Overbearing, controlling, no idea what they are doing types of men who wanted someone to bow to them and wash their floors. It appalls me the expectations from the get-go that some of these men have. Like they are entitled to my service, yet I think it should be just as much as the sub picking the Dom.
The excerpt you posted makes me sigh with relief that there may be hope out there yet. A gentleman who seemingly understands the psychology of being a Dom rather than having to physically show from the beginning that they are in charge. That is the kind of Dom I like. And 100% true about the pictures too.
The Beautiful Kind
EXACTLY, Girl! A Dom has to EARN my respect. A lot of them appoint themselves titles like "Sir Jeff" and "Master Z," and hide behind their props. I hate how these douchebags prey on newbies.
WebMaster
I feel I have earned what I've been appointed...though it's another thing entirely making code my bitch. :P
The Beautiful Kind
Point taken! I bow to you, WebMaster... you have most definitely earned my humble servitude!
isabella
A girl, its not that odd! I'm a switch with women only also...
A Girl
Yeah, I am finding its more common than I thought. But being a bi-sexual who bottoms with a man and then tops with a woman...makes threesomes interesting.
The Beautiful Kind
That does sound interesting... :) I like being at the bottom of the barrel... :) xoxoxo
MstrPhoenix
I agree what Sensual Dom is saying and all the comment's so far, TBK you are right that most Doms do not want to have a class on how to be manly or display confidence with out being arrogant.
This type of thing is something I have actually been working on and it has served me well, I am dating a fantastic woman, you know who she is Rita Seagrave, and Doms in the local community tell me how "lucky" I am, she is awesome and I am extremely proud of her and what she has accomplished, luck is not what drew us together it was a whole lot of work on myself and like you say working out my kink, I am by no mean's perfect I am constantly growing and learning, sometimes it is tough on me and I have to look to myself to see what my issue really is and that can be hard I think it is worth it though.
most of the time control is an illusion and being secure in you and your relationship is all you can do, letting go of insecurity is a tough thing, I am learning quickly to have total faith in Rita and let her do what she need's to do and not take it as a personal slight to me or our relationship, I am not the end all be all.
enough of my rant.
The Beautiful Kind
MstrPhoenix, I am pleased to "meet" you! I greatly admire Rita, my knee jerk reaction is to say, "You lucky bastard!!!" hee hee
Beast gets "annoyed" when people tell him how lucky he is to be with a sexy slut like me. He tells them luck has nothing to do with it.
That said, do you think telling someone they are lucky to be in a relationship with someone who's incredible is akin to me telling my sister how lucky she is to have her Masters degree in library science? She worked hard to earn it!
It warms my heart to hear you say you have faith in Rita and allow her to do what she needs to do, whether it be fulfill a gang bang fantasy or shoot BDSM porn.
So...do you think Rita is lucky to have a man like you? :) I feel lucky to have a man like Beast.
So often a man chooses and pursues me, but it's not very often I choose a man, do you know what I mean? So often women allow themselves to be chosen and end up with some average dude. I've done that many times in my life. I'm proud I chose Beast to be my partner, I'm so glad he agreed to take on the role, although it took MONTHS to convince him. God he played hard to get!
MstrPhoenix
Actually we knew each other casually for a year and a half, I did some rope work on her at a class one day and she started to pursue me, I do not think she is lucky she put's a lot of emotion and time and energy in to our relationship so I wouldn't say it was luck, as far as letting Rita do what she need's to that is just a matter of trusting her judgment.
I have no doubt that she would do what was best for us, whether it is fucking 15 guy's or ending the relationship, if it is good for her I will most likely benefit from it in the long run I may not always be happy with the decision oh fuckin well I'll get over it.
Don't get me wrong I am not the end all be all, I still face challenge's at time's, that is part of what keep's me going, Saturday night at a Christmas party a couple of people told me that I was different that I had changed, grown, they meant it in a good way, I have a tag line on my fetlife profile that say's "I relish challenge's that would crush ordinary men." because I want to be extraordinary.
I was at one time your average frustrated chump, desperate and need seeking validation from woman, One day I finally woke up and realized I had to man the fuck up and validate myself.
The Beautiful Kind
This entire comment is quite amazing. We should all aim to be extraordinary! I hope you inspire other men to think outside the cage.
You have some amazing pics on FL by the way!
the velvet lilly
oof... you just called me out on my relationship.....sort of.....
but after years of being - "not enough" (not true but was his commitmentphobic crapulent excuse) then being alone for some years....it's nice to be with a man who can never hurt me....he is too genuine (and naive I fear)....
perhaps I'm not ready to face a man that scares me with a depth of emotion..... or to simply find the man who's ....Man enough....
But....it's my birthday so I'll worry about it tomorrow!
Thank you for today's insight.. Happy Holidays youall!! oxoxox
AphroditeRising
He's spot on. Can I please, please, please see a picture of him?
A.
The Beautiful Kind
Are you ready for this? Here is a pic of his sub, Missy:
http://awesomenessandthegoodgirl.blogspot.com/2009/11/quote-of-day.html
and here is a pic of the Sensual Dom, super buried, you have to dig for it!
http://awesomenessandthegoodgirl.blogspot.com/2009/11/finding-ds-part-i-...
Buried treasure. HOT, huh??? I saw that pic and said, "HOLY SHITBALLS!" Yes, he's going to be featured as YATBK. :)
Andrew
Hi everyone...long-time reader and first-time writer here...I just wanted to pass this along...
I am 50 years old. I am a sensual "Dominant", although I have been out of the "lifestyle" for a few years now (due to family obligations...caring for terminally-ill parent). From about 1985-2005, I was into things big-time (i.e. FLOG parties, the Galaxy fetish shows (and at Roxy's). I've participated in discussion groups just like this one on several occasions.
One lady (a Domme from Chicago) spoke with me before Spanksgiving one year...she told me, "You have all the calm, knowledge and understanding many can't seem to really "get". You have the power to crush a woman's head in your hands, but your more concerned about burning her toast while making her breakfast in bed." Basically put, a sensual Dominant is the "best of both worlds".
Well, that's just me...I'm divorced, my 2 dogs are my "children"...and I'm "available"...heh. Sorry, that was a tad lame. Anyways, we (sensual Doms) are out here...we don't have to force ourselves...let God/nature take its/their course...and things will work out fine.
The Beautiful Kind
I agree! A Sensual Dom is the best of both worlds! I have a line on my FL profile that says, "I love being ripped in half, then held like a baby afterwards; it's so hot when a big strong man is tender with me..."
Are you on FL?
Andrew
If by FL,you mean Fet Life...I've perused there many times...don't think I have a profile there...I may have at one time...just don't remember...just came back from an out-of-town model shoot (I'm a photographer)...so my brain is mush...
MstrPhoenix
Well thank you, I try to own my feeling's I think we choose how we feel based on past experience so I try not to attribute that to other's, I want to find why I react a certain way and figure out how to deal with it which is often hard and unpleasant it is necessary though in my opinion. Thank you for the compliment. Mstr Phoenix
B
Gee, thanks for all the nice quotes folks. I just gifted my blog to Missy for Christmas, and yes, she loved it.
It seems we are blogging on, at least we will when sitting upright becomes once again possible for me (recent surgery).
These are about all the words I have these days. I type on my stomach…not so much fun.
But thanks for all the niceness, it’s…nice.
The Sensual Dom
The Beautiful Kind
I'm excited for your YATBK to run this Wed, B! Parts of it turned me on...
B
Well, if you want, you can use my topless photo (I know you love it so). Just grab it from the blog.
I can’t even remember what I wrote for that, the usual idiocy, I suppose.
Gulp!
The Beautiful Kind
You wrote your usual smart ass responses. :) NOW you tell me about the pic! Luckily I bookmarked that post so I could find it easily. Now it will be immortalized on my blog FOREVER!!! YES!!!!
Secretly
Sometimes, men with dominant traits aren't aware of their potential... so then it comes down to seducing them into exploring that side of themselves and cracking open their minds a bit.
I think it can be alot to get over for a "nice guy" to really want to tie a girl up and "be" dominant. Men ultimately just want to please women, so lots of positive reinforcement on the little things and maybe starting with some naughty school-girl or secretary roleplay...
Post new comment