I've never commented before (that I can remember) but the first thing that came to my mind is that your life would have been much better if you weren't mentally ill in the first place. It's like your mental illness is twisting this small penis thing into this giant monster and this monster is what defines who you are and how you live your life.

Your responses, they all sounds so... off, I can't imagine anyone having those responses. They just struck me as so abnormal, your actions and responses are just so twisted.

I am disabled so I know what it's like to be abnormal. However, I maintain a positive outlook and I live my life the way I want to. I don't let others dictate what I can and can't do. I want to be happy therefore I choose to be happy.

I sincerely hope you find some peace in your life and please keep getting help. You don't have to live like this. Thank you for sharing your story.

The saddest part of your story is that you don't like to be touched. Human beings crave touch, the necessity lies just below the basic needs of shelter and safety. Without it we lead a miserable existence and even die. It doesn't have to be sexual, sensuality is far more important to our skin. You've been suffering for so long, it's such a part of your experience you can't even fathom otherwise. If I had a wish for you, it would be that you resolve your aversion to the touch of another person. Surely it would be a long road back but worth the trip.

I don't know what to say. My instinct is to offer you sympathy, but it wouldn't mean much to you. But micropenis or not, you must realize that living with such terrible loneliness, anxiety, and depression isn't what any human being should ever have to endure.

I don't understand why you can't get surgery, though. They can make penises for women who want to be man, can't they? I want to say that you don't need the surgery and that you'll find a woman who will love you for YOU but it must be tiring after so long.

I do have to say, though, that suicide and self-harm are never. NEVER. good options. And I think reaching out to TBK is one of the smartest things you can do. Your psychiatrist did their best to help, and I'm sure there are people who care about you. But TBK is probably the most sexually understanding person in the world. And... I don't know what else to say to you. Just please don't disappear from us.

You might want to check out http://www.ftmaustralia.org/. It's not even close to the same situation, _but_ it might help you get in contact with Australian doctors who could help (or refer you to those that could).

Based on some Google searches, something can be done. Try networking with other men as well (http://micropenisux.blogspot.com/) and know that you're not alone.

"I kept trying to have intercourse with prostitutes because I desperately wanted to feel like a man. I hated the constant teasing, laughing and humiliation but I convinced myself that I should just ignore the humiliation and I would pay them double the price to try and make them more willing to touch me."

Honestly, what a bunch of heartless bitches. I'm sorry you had those experiences with escorts (if that is true). I think you need to try shopping around a bit more, because it sounds like you didn't find women that were classy or kind enough to take their job seriously. What a shame. I would never behave that way with a client, it is totally unprofessional.

@ Isabella
I don’t see how resolving my aversion to another humans touch is going to help me. I have only ever been touched when I have payed a prostitute to touch me and it was always a negative experience. If I overcome my aversion to touch and did crave human touch, what would I do? Go back to prostitutes and expose myself to more humiliation. I have had 20 years of that which is what caused my aversion to touch.

I really doubt if anyone here had lived the last 20 years of their life as I have, with every incidence of being touched by another human, being a degrading and humiliating experience that you would not feel exactly like I do. You may only be able to perceive it based on your own life experiences which are obviously much different than mine.

@ Kaia
I stumbled across this site by simply Goggling micropenis. I do this every day of my life to see what information I can find that may make my life a bit more tolerable. I didn’t reach out to TBK for any help, I simply read the previous story where almost every woman spoke of their horror of seeing a micropenis for the first time and I just wanted to leave a message for any other man with a micropenis who may come across this story and let them know that it really is not worth putting yourself through the humiliation and pain of even trying to be with any woman. They only needed to read the comments above mine to realise what women felt about a tiny penis. It’s best if they just accept that they will probably not be able to have any normal kind of life unless they were very lucky and met a very special kind of woman before being exposed to all the humiliation.

I am constantly amazed by the amount of women who say, “Just get surgery”. If any form of penis enlargement surgery worked, then every man in the world would be huge. A penis enlargement surgery consists of lengthening and thickening. To lengthen a penis the doctors cut the suspensory ligament which is what holds the penis stable when it is erect and makes it point up. By cutting this ligament it allows about 1 inch of penis which is held inside the body to hang out further but it now exits the body from a lower position. When the penis becomes erect it is now not stable and will not point up when the man is standing, it will just flop around. This has been known to cause severe injury when engaging in rigorous sexual activity. The penis will appear to be 1 inch longer when flaccid but there is actually no real increase in length. When the penis is erect it will be exactly the same size. The starting size of a penis will also determine the amount of perceived increased length so a man with an 8 inch penis may have a full inch more when flaccid but a guy with only 4 inches may only achieve a half inch gain in perceived flaccid length.

Starting with a micropenis, you could not expect any real gain at all in flaccid length. Thickening of the penis involves flaps of fatty tissue being implanted around the shaft of the penis under the skin. If you have micropenis, you have no real penile shaft so thickening is pointless unless some length can be created. Female to male surgery creates a tube of skin usually taken from the inner thigh. It is simply that, a tube of skin. It cannot become erect and has no sensation of a normal penis. It has no glans; it has no comparable structure to a normal penis.

The other thing that amazes me is the amount of women who say that guys with a small penis should become an expert at oral and learn other ways to please a woman. The fact is that the guys with the huge penises get all the experience and chances to experiment and learn how to please women. Smaller men are usually rejected and have no opportunity to learn to be an expert at anything. I have been with over 1500 women and I know nothing. I was only ever allowed to do what each prostitute told me I could do and that was usually nothing but jerk myself off whilst they humiliated me. If you want a guy who is good at oral sex then chances are it will be the guys with the most sexual experience and confidence which is the guys with the large penises. Don’t ever insult a guy by thinking he can just become proficient at oral sex when he is automatically rejected due to his size and never gets the experiences needed to become expert at anything. That’s like a man expecting a woman to become proficient at giving blowjobs by practising on bananas. How do you learn with no real feedback and no real life experience?

If as you state that TBK is probably the most sexually understanding person in the world and even her view of being with a guy with a micropenis was described as experiencing shock and horror saying it was weird to handle a wisp of a cock. Then stating that she also had to check her impulse to freak out, then goes on to state her disgust, well I don’t think there is any chance for any man with a micropenis to experience anything different to what my life experiences have been. TBK may well be one of the most sexually understanding people in the world but she detailed her feelings about a micropenis and it is exactly the same as the 4500 women that I have encountered.

Yeah, I can relate...not of the micropenis but of the true reality of how people "say" one thing and do completely another.

More often than not people claim more idealized open-mindedness ("I like personality over looks!" etc) than what they actually practice, mostly for fear that they don't want to appear shallow to others or want to be "different." It *is* insulting to your intelligence. But at the same time you understand that it's human psychology/nature and those people aren't aware of their "true" nature.

I am also surprised that they claim they can't surgically fix that, with everything else that they're doing in the world of surgery.

Wow. I am trying to be sensitive and understanding. But I can't imagine reacting this way to anything. I'm too much of a social creature, too optimistic, and too full of hope.
You say, "I really doubt if anyone here had lived the last 20 years of their life as I have, with every incidence of being touched by another human, being a degrading and humiliating experience that you would not feel exactly like I do"
Really? Every single touch was bad? I've had lots of touches and not known what size a man's penis was. There's hugging, kissing, affection, etc. I've been somewhat intimate with peope on different levels for a while before the genitals have made an appearance. One guy I was with was about 4 inches. The size never bothered me. I loved him, we were intimate, it was fine. Now, the problem with him was that he was very limited in his repetoire. I wonder what your relationships that weren't focused on sex were like. Did you used to be able to maintain friendships? There are women out there with female genital mutilation that are in pain and having lives with healthy relationships (or healthy for them at least). I hope that you are able to find some way out of your house and into society in a way that is comfortable for you.

@ Diablo
Obviously all disabilities are going to be different and everyone’s life experiences are different. How we each react to those life experiences is also going to depend on a huge amount of variances between individuals. I am happy for you if you are able to live the type of life that you want. I never had any psychological problems until after about 2 years from first going with a prostitute. Obviously I have many psychological problems now and maybe you can’t relate to my answers because you have never walked in my shoes. You are the first person I have ever heard of who claims to just be able to choose your mood. If you truly believe that then you have never suffered depression. If you could write a book on how you simply choose to be happy then you will effectively wipe out depression on this planet and eradicate the need for antidepressant medication. The fact that one in four females and one in six males will suffer from depression at some point in their life means that you have the potential to help billions of people worldwide with your knowledge of simply being able to choose happiness.

@Hypocrite
I research micropenis every day of my life. When Doctors say they can help, it is either a con for some expensive surgery that has never proven to be successful or some magical remedy in pill form. The only thing that any Doctor can offer is counselling to help you accept that you are different. This is something I should have done instead of ever going with a prostitute. If I had never had 20 years of constantly being told that I am worthless because of my penis then I may have been able to come to accept it more easily and live a much more happy life without ever having any female contact and therefore no humiliation.

I joined a small penis support group about 2 years ago only to find guys with 8 inch penises telling me that they too feel inadequate because they are not 10 inches and they knew how I felt.

Most penis size surveys that have been done have been conducted online by condom manufacturers and relied on men measuring themselves and submitting their size. It is widely accepted that most men add a little bit to the length and thickness and that the true average size is around 5.25 inches.

Anywhere from 4 1/2 to 61/2 is considered in the normal range but most are around 5.25 inches when fully erect. When flaccid some penises are what’s called retractile and actually retract inside the man’s body, whilst others will be almost the same size as when they are erect.

Any woman who considers a penis of 5 1/2 inches to be too small for her must realize that it is taking something that is abnormally large and quiet uncommon to satisfy them. Any woman who needs penises beyond 7 inches is severely limiting her choices of available partners because despite what every second male will tell you, a seven inch or larger penis is very rare. Ask any doctor.

If a woman thinks 5 inches is too small and she needs over seven inches then she is requiring something that is abnormally large and maybe it’s time she started to do some kegel exercises or sought medical help because the guy with the 5 inches is totally normal, it's the woman who needs a much larger penis who has a problem.

Too many men worry about their size when they are totally normal and they seek out penis enlargement surgery but the penis is a very complex organ and no enlargement surgery gives satisfactory results when the expectations are for 7, 8 and 9 inch penises or larger.

On the other hand surgery to tighten a vagina is a simple procedure, so maybe it's time for the men to accept that at 5 inches they are normal and for women who need abnormally large penises to think about having surgery to tighten things up down there so that normal will satisfy you and you won't need to search for something that is classed as abnormal just to satisfy you.

I know women will state that I am just making all this up but I have done my research. I am way smaller than normal and I am physically unable to even penetrate a woman. My size caused much depression and I investigated every option for fixing my problem. There is no adequate fix.

A penis enlargement surgery is just cutting the suspensory ligament so that it allows the inch or so of penis that is within the pubic area to fall out further but it is then positioned lower and it is unstable when erect which can be problematic during sex. Having the suspensory ligament cut will give you the appearance of being about an inch longer when flaccid but you are exactly the same size when erect.

The fact is that most men who worry about their size are totally normal and many are actually in the high range of the normal scale with some being above the average range.

Maybe it’s time women took some responsibility if every man who is in the normal size range is not adequate for you then maybe you should consider that it may just be you that is too big if only men who would be considered freaks with massive penises are suitable for you.

Of course I will be told that I am just pissed off because I have a tiny penis and can't have sex but that’s not the fact. You can call me baby penis and tell me I am hung like a field mouse, I have heard it all before. I really don't care. I have done so much research into micropenis and penis size and after joining small penis support groups only to find it full of men with 5 to 7 inch penises who felt they were abnormal. Micropenis affects 0.5% of males and there were only 4 of us on the entire site who had a micropenis. The majority of the site was full of men who were in the normal size range but were at some stage made to feel they were not normal.

There are not many that are truly freakishly small like me. I am resigned to the fact that I will be living the rest of my life as a eunuch but I did feel sad for all the normal guys who should be out there enjoying their sex lives but are instead in support groups online because somehow normal is not acceptable and all men who are not freakishly huge are made to feel inadequate.

@Sequoia Redd
Most people don’t believe me when I tell my story. I really don’t care who believes me, it is of no advantage to me to fabricate any of this. I am simply looking to make my own life a bit better.

@Shannon
You are absolutely right. I agree 100%. I saw it so many times with women saying they were different and would never judge a man by his penis but I have found out later from other people that they were laughing about me behind my back.

Apparently the penis is a very complex organ and it’s much simpler to give someone a new heart and lungs than to fix a micropenis

@Eowyn
I have never had any relationship with a woman. I have never been touched by any woman who was not a prostitute. I have never hugged any woman apart from my mother. I have never kissed anyone.
Yes, every single experience when I was touched by a woman was a prostitute and it was always accompanied by degradation and humiliation.

OK, admittedly you've done more research that I have.

So here are my two new thoughts:

1) What sort of prostitutes were you seeing? I've known guys who have been morbidly obese, paraplegics, E.D., etc., and always been treated with respect. It sounds like maybe you were seeing some that were lower class. That's probably water under the bridge now, but had to toss it out there.

2) Also in the too late category, but have you tried looking into fetish dating sites where you might actually find a female who is _in_ to micropenises? It doesn't change who you are, but maybe you'll find something that not only isn't "repulsed" by your anatomy, but is completed turned on by it?

Or I can just STFU.

Definitely one of your more heady posts, TBK! 1,500 prostitutes?? And I keep trying to figure out his last name.

@ Hypocrite
LOL, I appreciate your effort to help.
Obviously you get what you pay for and if I was to spend $1000 for a half hour then the woman would most likely try not to offend me but I was at some stages visiting 3 women per night. I was only going to a regular brothel which would normally charge $90 per half hour, Like you say, what’s done is done.
I had a profile on Alt.com for over 2 years. I was on MyDungeonSpace and I am still on fetlife because I had heard that submissive men sometimes never have sex with their mistress, so I thought penis size wouldn't matter so much and that there might be something that I could participate in. I had men contacting me regularly even though I was listed as straight. I had women send me messages telling me that I really should think about removing some photos from my profile that could have identified me because they suggested that someone who knows me in real life may see them and I would be considered even more of a loser in real life than I was already thought of on ALT. I have never found any woman who was even tolerable of a tiny penis let alone liked them. If anyone is on ALT, MyDungeonSpace or Fetlife, I was TinyTockley on all sites. I have since deleted all info from my ALT and fetlife profiles and I closed my MDS account because I was just teased about having a small penis.
@Chirp
I started visiting prostitutes shortly after my 21st birthday and it was over the following 20 years that I reached 1500. I know this because I sometimes went with a friend and he started counting and would tease me saying that I would become addicted to prostitutes like he was. So I actually started to keep count. My name is an alias and is pronounced MICRODICK.

OK, I have no experience with micropenises or even ANY real life penises (I'm a virgin, and female. I've only seen pictures and caught a glimpse on cam.)

I do have experience with depression, anxiety, self harm, suicide attempts. My advice to you is to FIND A DIFFERENT THERAPIST.

Seriously. This guy told you you were a sex addict? Um. Fail. I'm convinced that you need mental help, not drugs to "make it go away." A good therapist will make a world of difference for you.

Do yourself a favor- at least look into finding a different therapist- it's clear to me that yours isn't doing you much good at all (when it comes to mental health professionals, you really do run into the good, the bad and the ugly. The bad and the ugly can do far more harm than good.)

Also, just for kicks and giggles, google the term 'asexual'- there are many individuals out there- men and women- who want romance, relationships but *don't want sex.*

Just my 2 cents, take it or leave it.

Mike, I don't pretend to even imagine what your life must be like, that would be absurd. I have no advice to offer you sexually, I'm sure you've tried everything possible to either get comfortable with your own body or change it. Many people have to do this on some level, yours, obviously, is overwhelming. I respect your feelings that nothing can change for you sexually.
The reason I referenced touch is because there is overwhelming evidence of the importance of it to human being's survival. I encourage you to look into the research of Abraham Maslow. You seem to only equate touch with sexuality when it's not necessary to do that. Touch can be sensual without being sexual and many a person's need for human, skin to skin contact can be met with a massage, no happy ending necessary. I'm not saying you're life's problems would be cured by receiving massage, that's ridiculous. It would be a simple start though, to begin to receive massage regularly to meet that basic human need. The therapist wouldn't know anything about your penis, nor would he/she care. Massage therapists get certified because they love to TOUCH people, to give simple sensual pleasure, perhaps relieve muscular aches and pains, regardless of who is on his/her table.

This guy's been with 1500 women? He's a stud!!!

@D
I agree with my Psychiatrist being wrong which is why I stopped seeing him. He actually once told me that I was going to cause him to have a breakdown. He would diagnose me with a new mental illness each month and keep trying me on different antidepressants and antipsychotics. He run out of antidepressants to try and would wait for new ones to come onto the market to prescribe them for me. I originally convinced him to prescribe Androcur for me but I now just get the prescription from my General Practitioner.

My suicide attempts were in 1992 and 1993 and I really feel it was due to withdrawal symptoms and extreme depressive relapses from changing medications so often. I stopped all antidepressant medications almost 3 years ago around the same time as when I first started cutting. I can honestly say that I feel better now that I have stopped taking any antidepressants and just use cutting to control my anger and depression.

I have seen 6 different psychiatrists and even more psychologists and counsellors and even a hypnotherapist.

I have spent more hours than I care to remember sitting in front of psychologists and counsellors having them tell me that with the right partner, size doesn’t matter. Yes, well that’s why I was degraded and humiliated by every woman who has ever seen my penis. Their answer is always the same stating that they were not a normal representation of an average women, they were just filthy whores. Wrong, they were simply prostitutes who could be any type of women from all types of background and the others were just regular women on Adult Friend Finder, ALT, Anywebcam, Camfrog, Yahoo messenger and many others that I don’t recall right now. I think these websites gave me a huge variety of all women of differing ages and of all different races and backgrounds in society. I simply refuse to go to anymore psychologists or counsellors and have them repeat the same stuff over and over again. I have been through EMDR therapy and Desensitization therapy and it made no difference at all to my depression or social phobia.

My General practitioner knows nothing about chemical castration and just lets me self medicate and provides the prescriptions for what I need. I feel that whilst I control my sexual urges I am in a better position to control any urges to visit prostitutes and expose myself to any more damaging humiliation but obviously I still experience strong desires to feel like a normal man but after trips to Thailand in 2004, 2005 and 2006 which resulted in me still never having sex, I finally give up on ever trying again.

I have seen the dating sites for asexual people but I have no interest in being in any relationship. I have lived alone for over 20 years and I don’t get lonely. My problem is that I feel inferior to all other men because I can’t have sex and I feel like all women are laughing at me even though logically I know there is no possible way that they could know about my problems and this causes panic attacks when I go anywhere outside my house and is a huge impediment in gaining employment. I
I am a licensed Security and Bodyguard. I am licensed to sell and install all forms of security surveillance equipment. I am a retired Correctional officer. I am a qualified Computer and Telecommunications Network Administrator. I am a Real Estate Agent and I am an Equities trader. The only thing that I am able to do at the moment is the equities trading as I am able to work from my computer from home but with the state of the market I am unable to make enough to live on.

@ Isabella
I understand your strong feelings towards the need for human touch. I am well aware of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs but I really think it depends on how you were raised and what your life experiences have been.

I said that I have never hugged anyone but my mother but in reality I only said that because as my mother I would assume that she hugged her child. I have no recollection of ever being hugged by anyone but a gay Doctor that I visited once but I’d rather forget that and not mention it because it felt so wrong. Obviously I may seem like I only relate touch to sexuality and that’s because it’s the only times that I can ever remember being touched. I have absolutely no recollection of being hugged or touched by anyone up till the age of 21. After that every form of touch for me was always sexual.

The last time I was ever touched was in July 2006 when I went to Thailand and payed women to be with me, apart from accidental touches such as I mentioned when the check out girl’s hand accidentally touches my hand and I feel sympathy for her because I have had 20 years of conditioning to believe that touching me was an extremely repulsive thing. It’s something that I just can’t erase from my memory. Maybe in another 20 years of not experiencing it then it may go away. I know there are many forms of non sexual touching but it is usually between partners or it is like you said where someone gets a massage to satisfy their need for human touch. I have never seemed to get any cravings for human touch once it was permanently ingrained in to my psyche that I was too repulsive to touch and it is now something that even accidental minimal touching really bothers me. A check out girl accidentally touches my hand and I leave the supermarket and all I can visualise is some young girl crying out in the lunch room desperately scrubbing her hand with whatever powerful cleanser that she could find. I have been 3 years and 2 months with absolutely no human touch now so I really think that I am as person who has had minimal touch throughout my entire life may not need the extent of human touch as others who were always loved and touched regularly. I have not had my hair cut since August 2006 for the exact same reason. I don’t particularly want long hair but I hate the thought of having to put some hairdresser through the horror of touching me.

@ Rocky
Yeah, a stud who has had to pay every one of those 1500 women and never being able to successfully have sex with anyone of them. That’s quiet the stud.

Have you ever enjoyed bringing pleasure to women? Have all of your sexual experiences been about your getting off or do you enjoy getting women off too?

I once dated a man who had lived through traumatic sexual abuse and it left him feeling unwilling an unable to show me his genitals much less let me touch them. He would give me hand jobs, use a vibrator on me, use a strap on and go down on me. Any and all of these actions would arouse him enough that he would then be able to have an orgasm in his pants or in the bathroom. I was fine with it all because I was getting off and he was really eager to please me. I honestly didn't care that his penis was involved. It turned me on to know that I was getting him off however indirectly. I think we had a really healthy sex life.

Just wondering your experience, not trying to suggest that these are things you would be interested in. Thanks for sharing everything with us. I can't help but hope that you find happiness, whatever that is to you.

I second that Femme!!! I have had truly gratifying sexual experiences with my pants on, with no one even reaching for my dick.

Amen Beast. So have I. Some of my most erotic moments have happened with my clothes on.
I think that it is a shame that men are convinced that the world revolves around their penises. I guess in western culture there is an unhealthy pressure to have a huge dong. Many times I could take it or leave it. Not to trivialize your experience Mike. I can't even begin to imagine what you must have dealt with your whole life. I just hope that you haven't given up on happiness.

I have no advice or suggestions, just thank you, for the courage to open yourself up to share some incredibly intimate details about your life. This has been very intense and thought provoking.

Happiness is not getting what you want but wanting what you have.

See, my parents told me that I did choose my moods. If I was angry it was because I was choosing to be angry and that I had the power to stop being angry. Of course that just made me angrier ;)

It wasn’t until I was diagnosed that I decided to make some changes. I was told my whole life to “think positive” and never really did. When I was diagnosed I had two options, to sink into depression and self pity or to say screw it and not let it get me down. I chose the latter. I am happier now and much less stressed. My illness is autoimmune so stress makes me worse, stress can cause me permanent disability.

I don’t think it’s fair for you say whether or not I have suffered depression. I was depressed and suicidal for 3 years. It went away for a bit and then came back again for several months. The last time it came I spent a long time locked in the dark on the floor, I wouldn’t even go on my bed. I was losing several pounds a week and ended up losing about 40lbs total and I wasn’t big to begin with. I’ve finally realized that the depression never actually went away, it just backed off a bit. I’m no longer depressed in the least bit and haven’t been for 4 years. I think that’s pretty darn good.

I see a lot of similarities in reactions between you and my boyfriend. He’s battling depression right now. The antidepressants take away his ability to perform with his penis. It’s really not a problem and if I were faced with never having sex again but staying with him then I would stay with him.

Penis size means nothing. It does not change who or what you are unless you allow it to. Your problem with your penis has ruined your life. Now I know most men think with their penis but why have you given yours all the power?

I agree w/ Rockabilly Girl, leave it to TBK followers to really dig deep and ask some profound questions about this...
When I first saw this I was astounded, it sounded so dreadful and the bigger picture (than his original post) was even worse...
Thanks for answering all of our questions, and most of all I hope that you find some happiness...

"The other thing that amazes me is the amount of women who say that guys with a small penis should become an expert at oral and learn other ways to please a woman."

I only have one thing to say to that....why the fuck should YOU have to learn how to please women better!?!?! What about your needs, your pleasure and satisfaction? Why shouldn't women have to learn how to please you, what you like since intercourse isn't practical?

Hi, my name is Sephani Paige and I'm a sexist woman. My Master often comments "Are you sure your a woman?" because I don't think and act like a woman 85% of the time. Sure, you've probably heard this before...blah blah I'm not like other women...blah blah. Seriously tho...fuck these women if they can't like you for you! Their loss. Not yours.

While this may not be what you want to hear but have you ever considered that there may be women out there who have a fetish for micropenis? I mean come on, there are fetishes for every thing you can think of and some you'd probably rather not lol.

You'll not get my sympothies, as a person who has borderline personality disorder, bi-polar disorder, clinical depression and a superiority complex (and yet is a slave..go figure!) I know that you can still be a working, functional and happy member of society. Hiding behind your mental illness and blaming it on your pysch issues is a cop out. A man is not measured by the length of his penis but the lengths to which he is willing to go to prove only to himself that he is a man.

Diablo, for sure mental illness SUCKS!!! It has plagued my mother her entire life. Some of the things Mike Rowedick said reminded me of her thought process, she is mired in negative thoughts.

She has seen every doctor/shrink/specialist in town, and they are at a complete loss on how to help her. She goes to the ER about once a month and they run tests, sometimes commit her to mental ward, but nothing helps. She had shock treatment years ago and that gave her some relief but resulted in severe memory loss.

Kaia, You are so sweet. I am pretty sexually understanding, and if Mike had come to me as a client I would have worked with him and been very kind and professional and made him feel safe, but if you see my original post about being with a micropenis when I was 18, I had the same reaction other women did - I behaved myself, but I was repulsed. I really think a headsup would have helped. And coincidentally, I got with another micropenis recently, and it was a surprise, but nowadays I've experienced so much I handled the situation MUCH better. I've come a looong way, baby!

Sequoia, I just checked out your website - very nice! You would be a lovely companion. :)

Re your comment about penis surgery, Buck Angel is a female-to-male porn star and he opted not to have dick surgery because it wouldn't be functional, see short interview here:
http://tinyurl.com/n9ffpx

Eowyn, thanks for the kind thoughts to Mike. It is pretty staggering to realize the amount of suffering in the world - did you know there are 150,000 girls and women in Ethiopia who are in need of fistula surgery because they were in labor for days and the baby pressed on their bladder until part of it died and fell off, and now they have a hole in their bladder so they are completely incontinent and can never have children again? Their family shuns them. Oh and of course their child was stillborn. I learned this watching the documentary "A Walk to Beautiful."

Mike, for the record I prefer average size dicks - 5-7 inches. If a dick is too big, there's only so much you can do with it, and I want to do everything with it!

As for women taking responsibility for the dick size dilemma, I agree it would help matters if they weren't size queens BUT I think women take PLENTY of responsibility when it comes to birth control, child birth, sexual safety, menstruation, fertility, and so on. There are soo many instances in our society where a woman is messed with and men are off the hook.

Also a therapy that is close to what Diablo is talking about is cognitive therapy. I used a book called "Feeling Good" when I was going through my divorce. It has exercises in it that are to be done in place of medication and it did work for me as I was going through my acute stressful time. I have no idea if cognitive therapy would help someone organically depressed, but it helped me with my depression caused by my environment.

Hypocrite, from the all-shapes-and-sizes-dept: Check out this link I found yesterday on a man with TWO penises
http://cogitz.com/2009/08/24/the-most-bizarre-relationship-ever/

D, I agree, the right therapist would be good, but WOW is it hard to find a good therapist! I've seen many throughout my life (grew up in a dysfunctional household) and ran into some INCOMPETENT therapists. I saw one a few times before I realized she was into conspiracy theories, and another one would just sit silently in the room with me. I took my daughter to a child psychologist one time and the woman INTRODUCED the idea of suicide to my 6 yr old daughter - WTF!!!!!

On another note, I interviewed an asexual one time: http://thebeautifulkind.com/2008/03/04/fetish-parade-the-opposite-of-me/

I wish Isabella would give me a massage.

Good point, Hot Momma - what is up with TBK readers sharing such deep, long, thoughtful comments!!! I see other blogs and their comments are wimpy! :)

In November I'll be rolling out TBK 3.0, where discussions like these will be much easier to follow. The new site will have forum capability and it will be easier for readers to share thoughts.

It doesn't matter what kind of therapy or how good a therapist is, if someone doesn't want to change, nothing with help. I could be wrong, but it doesn't seem like Mike Rowedick is currenlty interested in changing his situation. I just hope he finds peace.

Exactly! The thought process is different. So much negativity and twisting reality around to make it something that it isn't. It's often quite close but tweaked to be worse.

I know very little about mental illnesses but it just breaks my heart to see (or hear about) people suffering from them.

I think the human brain is powerful beyond what we can imagine. I was depressed as a child and teen, diagnosed with a disease that -causes- depression, put on medication which causes depression, and alas I am no longer depressed ;) The mind is wonderful.

Mike, I hope you do try to get help, find the strength and desire. Your life could be so much better.

@Femmetastic
I have never touched a woman who wasn’t a prostitute and when I was with a prostitute I was only allowed to do exactly as she said I could. This meant absolutely no fingers near her genitals and absolutely no tongue near her genitals. The occasional prostitute let me feel her breasts. Yes it has always only ever been about me getting off because no prostitute has any interest in having me touch her in any unnecessary way. The whole objective was to get me to cum as quickly as possible and get me out of the room so she could move onto the next client. No prostitute is ever going to let me try to make her cum. Like I said before, I know absolutely nothing about women’s bodies because I have no experience with even touching a woman. I have never even kissed a woman. It was simply, “lay on the bed, now there will be no kissing and no fingers anywhere near my pussy and you cannot go down on me, I will be the one who does the touching”. This was why when I joined ALT, MDS and fetlife that I advertised as a submissive because I feel inferior when it comes to anything sexual and because I am so inexperienced and have only ever been told what to do that I just felt submissive. After 2 years on these sites I have learned that my normal personality is far from submissive. I also found that in 2 years advertising as a straight male with a micropenis that I was only ever contacted by men. I have never heard of a woman with a micropenis fetish or even a tolerance to a micropenis.

As I have already said, If I was with a partner and she had to make special allowances for me like using vibrators or strap-ons and oral sex then I would just constantly feel inferior to all her previous partners. Apart from that, like I have also said, the damage has been done and I can now only be aroused by humiliation from someone who does not know who I am. It has developed over 20 years and I can’t just undo 20 years of subconscious conditioning.

@ everyone else
No man is born with an obsession about the size of their penis. I had no problem with my penis when I was 21. I had never seen another boy’s penis during my childhood and I had never compared myself to any other man. I had never watched any pornographic movies so I had absolutely no idea that I was any different to any other man. My entire problem that made me too insecure and embarrassed to have a girlfriend was the fact that I had very bad gynecomastia. It’s hard to be a confident male when you have bigger breasts than the women who were pursuing me at the time, so I rejected every advance by any women.

So I find it amusing that women seem to complain about stupid men with their obsession about penis size. Well where does it come from? What makes size so important? No man has ever insulted me about my penis size because no man has ever seen it. The only possible way I could have developed any tiny penis related; low self esteem, social phobia or any other form of mental illness is from the constant ridicule from women and it wasn’t 1 or 2 women, it was over 4500. There are no drug trials that I know of that get 100% positive results from a group of 4500 people so I guess the results are very conclusive.

I didn’t come here looking for any advice; I simply left a response to warn other men with micropenis that it is best if you just don’t bother attempting to have a relationship. Every person here seems to think that the only solution for me to have a happy life is to get over my problems and find a woman who will accept me. I have experienced the reactions of over 4500 women and they were all repulsed and just humiliated me. Maybe 1 in 10 000 would not laugh and wouldn’t be repulsed and might be the perfect partner for me but with the social phobia that I have developed from being constantly told that I am not a real man and I am repulsive, then I feel it would be a much wiser decision to quit while I am ahead. I don’t even want to think what my mental state of mind would be if I were to have another 4500 experiences exactly the same as the previous ones in my search to find that one who will accept me.
So what is wrong with me choosing chemical castration and working on fixing my social phobia and trying to restore my self esteem so I can have some quality of life? So many people seem to think that to be happy means you must be in a relationship. I have always been alone and I like living alone. I have never experienced love so I doubt I will miss something that I’ve never had before. Every sexual experience that I have had has just been a degrading humiliating experience so I would assume that my mental state should only improve if I stop exposing myself to negative experiences.

The fact is that I am at the extreme end of the scale where I am unable to have intercourse but it seems that we live in a society where all men are somehow made to feel inferior about their penis size even when they are totally normal. I’ve been humiliated and laughed at by every woman who has ever seen me naked but apparently it’s is so widely accepted that even the Australian government thinks it is acceptable to degrade and humiliate men with a small penis.

We should treat everyone equally. People with mental illnesses and those with physical disabilities but there seems to be exceptions to the rule. If you happen to be born with a thyroid or hormonal problem that causes you to be obese, then you are fair game, you’re just a fat person and you are not granted the same expectation of being treated with respect as someone whom was born with an intellectual or physical disability. It's just assumed that you eat heaps and you're lazy.

Imagine you just gave birth, or your wife gave birth and the Doctor comes in and tells you that you have a baby boy with a micro penis and you should consider surgery to remove the penis and have a vagina created and to raise your son as a girl and later in life you would put the child on hormones so he developed as a female and grew breasts. This is what used to happen not so long ago because the doctors knew the child would have no quality of life and would be laughed at and teased all his life. They have since realized that they can't change the psychological being, just the appearance and most of the boys who were raised as girls were not happy and many committed suicide.

Thankfully today the doctors don't suggest such treatment to the parents but everything that can be done to help this baby will be done. But once again, once this baby becomes an adult, they can't expect to be treated equally. Just like the people with the medical problem that makes them obese, they are fair game for ridicule.

It is so widely accepted that a male with a small penis is just a thing to laugh at and tease and if you have a small penis, you should be ashamed of it and just accept that you are fair game for all the pin dick, pencil dick jokes and constant teasing. It is so commonly accepted that even the Australian government use the shame of having a small penis to try and shame men into changing their driving behaviours.

The Australian Road and Traffic Authority wanted to develop a campaign that would shame male drivers into slowing down and to stop speeding. They came up with an advertisement where a guy drives dangerously in his car and women watching on the sidewalk look at him in disgust and wiggle their little finger at him. The slogan with the advertisement is “Speeding, No one thinks big of you”.

They wanted to use something that would shame men into slowing down, so what is the most shameful thing they could think of. Well obviously it was to have people think you have a small penis because no man wants anyone to think they have a small penis because as we all know, you are basically just a pathetic joke and not a worthwhile human being if you have a small penis, so this is what they chose for the advertisement.

Watching the advertisement on TV and seeing it on huge billboards has caused me to slash my wrists in anger because I was made to feel worthless. I have slashed numerous times because of this advertisement.

You can see part of the advertisement here :
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=SgV9Oa6z5wY

This link shows the billboard poster for the campaign.
http://www.candycranks.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/speeding_no_one_th...

I went to the Australian Advertising standards website to lodge a complaint but found that another probably worthless loser with a tiny penis had already complained and it had already been to court. The court’s decision was that a survey was done before the advertisement was released and everybody thought the advertisement and poster was very funny and that it probably would humiliate men who speed and drive dangerously and make them slow down because no man wants to be thought of as having a small penis because it is accepted in society that having a small penis makes you less of a man than others and no woman would want to know you. No man wants to be thought of in this way so this should make them drive more responsibly.

I wonder how many people in that survey were men with genuinely small penises or even a micro penis. It’s a genuine medical condition but apparently it’s a condition that is OK to make fun of and make those who suffer from it feel like worthless losers. Do you think that if they needed to make an advertisement to focus on women drivers that they would humiliate them inferring that if they drive recklessly then they must have a huge loose vagina. It would not even be mentioned let alone considered but apparently it’s fine to degrade and humiliate men with small penises.

So after more than 20 years of being laughed at and humiliated by women and even the government condoning the degradation of a male with a small penis and the fact that having a tiny penis makes me a worthless piece of crap has been constantly drummed into my head, I can’t believe why some women still wonder why I have no confidence and refuse to ever risk having a relationship.

I met a woman online in a music sharing site and we spoke daily for months when she asked if I would meet her. I had already told her about my micropenis and that I had no intention of ever having a relationship. She became somewhat angry with me because she felt I was rejecting her and she didn’t believe it was because of the humiliation that I had experienced. This is what I told her. It’s probably going to be difficult but try to imagine that you were too shy to have a boyfriend because you were very flat chested. You desperately wanted to experience this wonderful thing called sex that all your girlfriends were constantly talking about. You finally make the decision that you will discreetly pay for a male escort shortly after your 21st birthday as you feel you are getting old and missing out on something wonderful.

Your escort arrives at your house and you both go to the bedroom. He undresses and you notice he has a very large cock that was already hard with anticipation. You get undressed and are about to have sex when he looks at your vagina and burst out laughing and said that it is repulsive and that he had seen tighter vaginas on cows. He tells you that you may as well just suck him off because no man would be able to fill that repulsive big hole and it would be pointless to try. Now imagine that you didn’t feel like a real woman like all of your friends who all had very active sex lives that they would all often brag about. You desperately want to experience what sex is like so you continue to purchase the services of male escorts.

Now imagine that with each new opportunity and desperate hope that every single time that you purchased a male escort’s services, you encountered exactly the same ridicule, degradation and humiliation. Now try to imagine how you would feel after this same scenario was replayed over 4500 times over the next 20 years.

I then asked her if she would feel like attempting to have a relationship with someone after this. She was speechless for a while and just said that if that happened to her that she would never speak to any man ever again in her life. Finally she understood exactly how I felt.

@ Diablo
You don’t appreciate when I challenge the fact that you may not have truly experienced depression when you claim to be able to just think positive and change your mood but you are quick to discredit my entire story by claiming that it is twisted reality. Please show me what parts that you know to not be exact reality that I have experienced. I have lived this reality and I’d like to see where I twisted the reality so I can correct it. You make such ridiculous claims and then go on to admit that you know very little about mental illness. You really don’t need to tell anyone that you have no knowledge about mental illness as each of your posts has clearly indicated this fact. Because someone’s thought process differs from yours does not instantly make yours the accepted normal and the other persons wrong.

I was talking about my boyfriend in that part, that is what he does. How he views things is 100% linked to how he's feeling at that time. I wasn't talking about you or your situation. It was in response to what TBK said about her mother's thought processes and what I'd experienced. I didn't mention you anywhere there. No need to be so defensive, it's not all about you :) Though, in that post you managed to demonstrate many of the things I mentioned.

I'm not debating anything you've said. That's silly, is this a game? However, I find it very interesting that you've been able to find over 1500 prostitutes and you've had a negative experience with all of them. Do you know what the odds of that is? That alone says that something is off.

I'm not doing this with you though. Good luck.

Mike, I hope you will someday meet a woman who REALLY doesn't care.

I know they exist. How do I know? Because I am one. And you might not believe me, because you claim that everyone says they don't care, and when they see it, they do care.

Well, I had a boyfriend with a microdick. So, I KNOW that I don't care. I didn't laugh at him. I didn't recoil. I didn't dump him for it.

Maybe it helps that I'm bisexual and what in particular is between someone's legs is almost an afterthought. I like sex with cocks, I like sex with pussies, I like sex with neither (for example, cybersex, or humping legs). If I liked someone as a person, I'd date them regardless of whether they had a penis, a vagina, both, or neither, and of any size, just so long as we did fun things together both in and out of bed.

Have you tried dating any open-minded bisexual women? We're out here, I swear! And that doesn't mean I'm blaming you, by any means, for what you've gone through. It's NOT your fault, whatsoever, but I just maintain a pretty high level of confidence that there ARE women out there who would truly accept you.

Alright, I'm calling bullshit. I believe there is a micropenis involved, but most all of the other facts, incidents and stories presented here just don't seem to add up.

Diablo said

However, I find it very interesting that you’ve been able to find over 1500 prostitutes and you’ve had a negative experience with all of them. Do you know what the odds of that is? That alone says that something is off.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Obviously I have been mistaken, having a micropenis has had nothing to do with anything. I was treated like this because of the type of person I am. I guess you can scrap this whole thread. Diablo has everything solved. Goodbye

TBK, I'd love to, and you'll love it, I promise, I'm awesome.
Beast! That post almost sounded like you jizzed in your pants!!!

PS. Mike, if your recollection is true, that you were never touched as a child, then truly, that is where your troubles began....

Isabella- That would be one of my points of contention here as well. No touch as a child=serious mental illness as an adult.

Agreed,Beast! Micropenis is the least of his problems. And may not have been such an issue had it not been for his other overwhelming mental health problems.

L says: "Maybe it helps that I’m bisexual and what in particular is between someone’s legs is almost an afterthought. I like sex with cocks, I like sex with pussies, I like sex with neither (for example, cybersex, or humping legs). If I liked someone as a person, I’d date them regardless of whether they had a penis, a vagina, both, or neither, and of any size, just so long as we did fun things together both in and out of bed."

Yes! Thank you! It is not about making special exceptions. All of these and more are "sex" for me. I couldn't care less about a cock most of the time. Am I getting off? Do I make you hot? Do you want to get off? Can I help you? No? Ok. Yes? How? Done. Thats enough for me. Micro dick or enlarged clit...I don't care.

I agree, there are deeeeeep issue here Mike. Your micropenis wasn't the only source I have a feeling. If you are hiring prostitute after prostitute and NONE of them can tolerate you then maybe, just maybe it is not about your penis size. It might be that these women are picking up on your self loathing and negativity. I have a feeling that you don't come across as the most fun fuck in the world. Even professionals can find it difficult to overcome self loathing clients. Especially if you are employing young assembly line whorehouse women who aren't trained in interpersonal relations. Not to generalize these women, but their geisha skills are usually lacking compared to the pricier specialists. You don't sound totally committed to the humiliation routine as you have said that you came across this approach by default. If you truly want to try to have a genuine, two sided, sexual experience then you might want to try a more mature, educated, open minded prostitute. Women are not really that foreign or complicated. With the right patient woman you should find it is pretty easy.

Now I feel like I'm really weird because I don't find micropenises repulsive. But then I'm repulsed by very little in general.

Damn it sucks Mike has such shitty luck, though. Infinite loop of shame and humiliation and misery kicked off by one deformity? Total bummer. :[

I wish you the best of luck in the future, though, dude.

This is very interesting. I'm sure I could go do my own research but what causes micropenis? Is it genetic?

I have to agree with everyone else that while a micropenis is definitely not a pleasant condition, no physical affection as a child is traumatizing. My family wasn't big of physical affection (it wasn't nonexistent, just not a normal part of life) and my sister and I are both hypersensitive to touch now. I just sort of made myself start hugging people and reaching out to touch them until I could interact normally w/o freezing up. But I haven't hugged my sister in years and years, b/c it makes her so uncomfortable. She told me it makes her feel physically sick. I remember that feeling and I would hate to still have it now, it's a shitty way to live no matter what kind of penis you have.

Mike, you said you didn't care what people thought, but I think it is pretty evident that you do. You sound downright pissed about it. And if people did treat you as you have said then you deserve to be. Shame and self loathing can really twist a brain up.

Is there anything in life you enjoy? I know this post was focused on sex, but I'm curious if there are actually any bright spots in your day to day existence.

This was rambly, sorry.

Thanks for the great input, sorryb! I'm glad you overcame your aversion to touch. And I'd love to know what things in life Mike enjoys, but I think he finally bowed out of the discussion after addressing most of the comments and finally having enough.

Beast said
Alright, I'm calling bullshit....

Thanks. I second that emotion!