By Kendra Holliday | June 26, 2015
I’m BACK! It’s so good to be home! And ready to start a new chapter! Boy, do I have plans for you! Let me know if you have plans for ME!
I’m now available for consulting and surrogacy sessions during the day, evenings, and weekends – when I’m not planning amazing events, making dreams come true, or organizing new religions, ha! More on that soon…
We started our summer off right with four days in Seattle, and six in Alaska – both places new to me! I love exploring new things.
And now I get to cross two more states off my list – I have 17 more to go!
In Seattle, we stayed within walking distance of the Space Needle.
We also saw a pretty femalesque clam at the Seattle Aquarium:
We went bar hopping, and ended up at Pony, a gay dive bar:
And he surprised me with a Speakeasy!
By Matthew | June 21, 2015
Ed Note: This is a guest post by my partner, Matthew. He is the father of two children.
A couple of weeks ago, I started hearing the yearly buzz of “Father’s Day” gifts, salutations and tributes. I started thinking a bit more in depth on the subject of Fatherhood and what it means to me.
Being a Father is synonymous to me with being a man. I hear so many people speak of “men” they know or have connections with and then start divulging details about these people.
I know women who demand flowers from their husbands as a way of apologizing for an act of relationship treason.
I know women who are dating “men” right now, but speak of nothing but their shortcomings.
I know of “men” whose wives have gotten up and walked away from them while they were eating her pussy.
I know of “men” who don’t make an effort to spend time with their children.
I know of “men” who can’t separate business from pleasure and vice versa.
I know of “men” who are so weak themselves, that they show their “strength” by preying on the eager and ignorant.
I know women who have settled for a “man”.
I know of “men” who live in their mother’s basement.
I know of “men” who can’t dress themselves.
I am sure you know plenty of “men” like this as well.
If a man has children, they are his number one priority.
By Kendra Holliday | June 7, 2015
This packed schedule meant I had no time for myself, and hardly any time to spend with friends and lovers.
As an introvert, this got to be stressful. I wanted to do it all!
Whenever anyone would ask to make plans, I’d gasp, “I’m so busy!”
Well, that is changing NOW. Here on out, I’m replacing the phrase, “I’m so busy!” with, “I’m so fulfilled!”
Something had to give, and that something was my day job.
I remember how grateful I was to get that job – I was going through a really hard time. They gave me a chance. I appreciated that they respected my personal life and knew I would keep it separate from my professional time there.
The work was interesting and offered a steady paycheck and health insurance, but office politics and other petty matters were wearing me down. My most productive hours were spent pushing papers and sitting on my butt. I want MORE out of life than that! I felt like I had outgrown my role there.
After months of contemplation and discussion with my partner Matthew, I decided to push past the fear and take the leap – heart racing, I put in my notice.
I did it for my health, and to be more available to my daughter. I also did it for the sake of my passion and mission.
Have you ever heard that phrase, “Better to live hand-to-mouth than 9 to 5″? It means it’s better to release yourself to the wild than remain in a self-imposed cage. And you know what my motto is:
THINK OUTSIDE THE CAGE.
By Kendra Holliday | June 6, 2015
A few days after Joan Price left, I had friends over – my partner Matthew, and a couple we are dating.
A lot of my friends are polyamorous and no drama! This means they can easily get their physical and emotional needs met. They enjoy novelty, but also security – the best of both worlds.
As a result of this marvelous configuration that works for all of us, we can get together and have sex, or not have sex, and it’s alllll good. We enjoy each other’s company on many levels. Even if we only spend the evening talking and bonding, no one leaves feeling frustrated, especially because they are fulfilled. Plus, they can always go home and have sex!
It all feels intimate and wonderful. We don’t have to waste time on small talk – we can dive right into BIG talk!
This night was one of those evenings where we were sitting around the table talking, and I suggested, “Why don’t we all go to the bedroom?”
Everyone was down, so off we went!
By Matthew | June 5, 2015
I love to flirt, and women seem to enjoy flirting back. The casual fun flirting is a blast, and I enjoy it. But I never know if they want to move from fun flirting to something more serious.
I’ve tried a few times to make the change to serious flirting, and found out I was wrong, and screwed up friendships. So for the past few years, I just automatically default to “it’s just for fun” and don’t even try to “make a move.”
So I guess what I’m asking is – is there any good indication that a woman is interested in moving the flirting from “just for fun” to something with more intent? What Are Best Practices for Men Flirting With Women?
I’m going to turn this one over to Matthew! Now, this is a man who is not into tricking or manipulating other people.
He takes “master pickup artists” and picks them up and tosses them in the dumpster.
He practices open and honest communication.
He doesn’t have a GQ model body, but he has the confidence of Zeus.
He realizes that not every woman wants to be with him, and HE’S OK WITH THAT. He’s only interested in being with women who are genuinely into him. Somehow, he manages to play the situation so that he KNOWS the woman is desperate to get to his cock. At least, that’s how he played me. For months. The bastard! Sigh, I’m hooked.
Take it away, Matthew….
This is a great question and I am going to address it on a number of levels. Specifically to your question, first and foremost what comes to mind is an encounter I had with a woman some time ago.
By Kendra Holliday | June 4, 2015
Wanna know the quickest way NOT to get in my pants?
Think dealbreaker, hard limit, red flag, turn OFF.
OK, besides wearing Crocs or torturing small mammals.
Send me an unsolicited cock shot.
Is this what men imagine their cock shot looks like?
Guys. Here is what it really looks like:
By Kendra Holliday | May 30, 2015
I almost killed Joan Price.
But before I tell you how (it wasn’t on purpose!), let me back up a little bit and set the stage.
Her focus is on senior sexuality, because while she advocates for ALL adults to enjoy sex on their own terms, she especially wants to reach seniors and remind them they have full rights and permission to continue to explore their sexuality. Too often in our society, people think they have to give up their sexuality at a certain age (opinions vary on what that age is!)
Joan advocates AGELESS SEXUALITY – retire from your job, not your sex life!
Before I dive into the behind-the-scenes of her visit to St. Louis last month, feel free to read my review of her book Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex , her new book The Ultimate Guide to Sex After Fifty, this post featuring female orgasms that will lead you to her awesome blog, and this incredibly moving piece she wrote about the death of her husband – he was the Love of her Life.
I couldn’t believe we were hosting this amazing woman! For months before her arrival, we held naked fundraisers (Happy Nude Year!) and whore workshops in order to pay her fee. She agreed to stay at my house! It’s a small little fairy cottage. I happily gave her my bedroom and slept on a mattress in my daughter’s room.
I was envisioning media coverage, filling auditoriums with doctors and bussing in people from retirement homes all over the area, but we ended up with three smaller affairs – she spoke at a wonderfully progressive synagogue, The Ethical Society, and at Washington University School of Social Work. All in all, she reached about 200 people during her visit. I wanted her to reach 2000! Maybe next time…
By Kendra Holliday | May 28, 2015
I’m really at a cross roads in my marriage due to mismatched libidos. My husband has a higher drive for “vanilla” stuff. I’ve told my husband about some of my kinks and he’s weirded out, even by things I consider pretty banal, like using a vibrator during sex. He’s kinda judgy about anything that isn’t penetrative sex.
I told him I wanted an open relationship but that did not go down well. I’m 29, he’s 34, we’ve been together 6 years. We never had a honeymoon period, sexually.
I’ve told him we should be doing these things while were young. If we don’t do these things with eachother they’re never going to happen.
I can picture myself in my minds eye, aged 50, frustrated and celibate.
I haven’t been vague in communicating what I want. Anyway the sorts of fantasies I’ve shared are forced orgasms, anal, etc. I mostly get off on an exchange of power.
My husband has said all my fantasies seem to revolve around things being done to me and they have the hallmark of someone who has spent a lot of time alone, in their head and they’re not healthy. I honestly think I’d be more up for “regular” sex if I felt my desires were respected or treated with some kind of curiosity. At present we have sex about once a month when I can manage to work myself up with my fantasies.
I do love my husband. We’re great friends and we have so much in common. But this is my number one frustration. The ridiculous part is my husband resents that I’m not ready and willing to fuck more than once a month. It’s not for a lack of drive, I’m just bored shitless!
What would you do if you were me?
By Kendra Holliday | May 22, 2015
I offer a lot of interesting services, and am always up for suggestions.
One of the services I offer are adult toy store tours.
The store is big, clean, spacious, and has a great inventory!
A few years ago, I wasn’t too impressed with the staff. They were surly goth chicks with lots of tattoos and bad attitudes.
When I went in there the other day with a client, I was glad to be greeted by some really nice, helpful staff.
I was all ready to show off for my client my extensive knowledge of adult toys. Was I in for a surprise! As you know, I’ve reviewed sex toys for years, but I haven’t in a while.
Things have changed SOO much in the past few months! There are SO many new, improved products on the market! I felt like a kid getting cake for the first time!
I was so excited, and a little embarrassed to be caught off guard by all the awesome new TOYS!!!
But my client was just as eager and fun-loving as I was, so it was all good!
By Kendra Holliday | May 21, 2015
Would you like to take a peek into my email inbox? I get inquiries like this almost daily. MEN: Please take note.
So I get this email from a random guy:
I just discovered your blog today and would love to meet you. I am a 37 year old male with a great body and a Hugh sex drive. Let’s make it happen!
Glad you like my blog! How did you find it? Let me know if you’d like to schedule a consultation. $60/hr
I came upon it in the RFT. I’d like to get to know you better… What does the consultation entail?
A consultation is $100 for an hour, in a public setting. A way to get to know each other and find out more about you and what you are seeking (I pretty much put everything out there about me, but don’t know anything about you!)
He shoots back:
Eventually, if you decide you want to, I would like you to join my girl friend and me. Is that something we can work towards?
Houston, we have a problem.
By Kendra Holliday | May 19, 2015
My partner Matthew and I are both infertile by choice.
He had a vasectomy a few years ago, and I followed suit with a hysterectomy.
I haven’t bled out of my vagina in more than two years!
I have to admit, it’s pretty awesome.
I mourn the fact that I’ll never have a baby with him. He smells soo good. My body fiercely wants this magnificent alpha male’s baby. I envy his ex-wife for having that honor, not once, but twice – a boy and a girl.
One time Mattew wrote me a love note of fantastical thoughts. This was an excerpt:
…Us together forever…bringing a crying baby to you in the middle of the night to nurse…holding you while you fade away…fucking you on top a building, mountain, Eiffel Tower…slow fucking you with others in the room…caging you up-only getting you out to fuck-but putting you back in to come on you…letting you do anything you want to me…seeing you in white from head to toe…being without you…caring for you when you are sick…Loving you til the day I die…
I positively swooned over this, especially the part about the baby. It sounded soo romantic. Impregnation fantasies turn me on!
The thing is, I don’t WANT a baby ever again. I don’t LIKE babies. I’m not into noise, shit, and huge amounts of responsibility. I love my freedom. I was lucky to experience the full range of motherhood once, and that was plenty for me.
By Kendra Holliday | May 18, 2015
UPDATE: Sex Positive St. Louis is hosting a talk on asexuality Sunday, May 24 at Shameless Grounds, from 2-4pm. Guest speaker Tom will tell us all about asexuality and share his story. My asexual daughter and I will be there!
I know it’s going to sound crazy, but there are people out there who aren’t horny all the time.
I recently read this fascinating book called Who’s Been Sleeping in Your Head: The Secret World of Sexual Fantasies. The author polled thousands of people, and was surprised to learn that 10% of his sample group reported no sexual fantasies. He was skeptical, wondering if they were in denial or had super repressed fantasies.
Maybe they really don’t fantasize about sex. Maybe they aren’t interested in it. Maybe sex isn’t a priority for them.
Which leads me to THIS book – The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality.
I’ll admit it – I used to think asexuality was not real. I couldn’t wrap my head around the concept – sex is a huge part of my life, so how could it be insignificant to someone else?
Then, when I finally acknowledged it was real, I was of the mindset that it was odd or the person was defective, and hopefully they would eventually outgrow the notion and get with the program – sex is the most important thing in the world.
Boy, was I ignorant!
By Kendra Holliday | May 17, 2015
Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Goldislut. She was wandering through the forest when she came across a little cottage. However, this wasn’t an ordinary house – it was more like The Three Bears Sex Club.
Bold and impudent, she opened the front door.
There, on the table, were three butt plugs lined up in a row – a small, amethyst glass one, a medium wood plug, and a large, menacing black rubber torpedo.
She flipped up her skirt and tried the little amethyst glass plug first.
“This plug is too small!” she complained as it practically disappeared up her bum. The base was not nearly wide enough.
Then she tried the big, black torpedo.
“OW! This plug is too big!” she whined as she just got the tip in. “Not to mention it’s made out of crappy material!”
Then she tried the medium, wooden Treeze tear drop butt plug…
Actually, that’s not exactly how it went down.
Mama Bear and Papa Bear burst in through the other room and caught Goldislut red-handed!
By Kendra Holliday | May 12, 2015
I finally read your ebook, The Book of Goddess and loved it! It reminded me of some very important things, especially the section in Chapter 3 about relationships. It helped reaffirm my choices, as well as made me open my eyes a little as to what may be out there.
I have a topic of interest: the single goddess. I have found it incredibly difficult to find a solid partner. I have men and women who come and go, who are OK with our situation for a while, and then things end up sour. I have been with people who have primary relationships and I’ve been their outlet, but they eventually find it’s not something they want to/can continue. It’s been very hard as a single bi poly gal to find a partner who is truly OK with my choices and loves me unconditionally.
I’ve tried to conform to others which has only lead to disaster. I’ve tried to explain my ways to others which only led to disappointment and hurt. I have spent a good portion of the past few years since my divorce working on myself and my happiness, and not finding reciprocation.
I get satisfaction from living my life the way I want to, but I feel something’s missing. It’s a lonely place to be sometimes. I tell myself often that my primary relationship is with myself. And I do believe that – physically, emotionally, and mentally. I still have people in my life who bring me physical, emotional, and mental pleasure as well. But it’s not the same as somebody, one person who is on the same page; who wants me to be happy; whose idea of happiness includes being with me (the real me) as well.
I’m tired of being the third wheel that gets cut from the mix when things get too hairy. I want to be someone’s Number One!
(For those of you who don’t know, I wrote an ebook on female empowerment a few years ago called The Book of Goddess. I’ll be updating and republishing it later this year!)
I totally hear you – you want what I have. You want to be someone’s Number One. You want to be with someone who accepts the fact that you have complex emotional and physical desires. You want an extraordinary man who can handle an extraordinary woman.
Like you, I went through life trying on many men and relationships, and none of them fit right. They loved that I was bi and open-minded, they could handle that part just fine, but they couldn’t handle ALL of me. I felt so guilty, and finally decided I just wasn’t relationship material and needed to remain single.
Then I met Matthew through a mutual friend. He was freshly divorced from a traditional, monogamous marriage. We started out friends and had many deep conversations. What started out as an unlikely match turned out to be a perfect fit.
I don’t think you’ll have much luck finding a great partner if your immediate goal is to audition him for the role of partner. Start off with friendship first. Allow many deep conversations. Get to know each other before jumping in bed. Find out if he is a mature man. Let him get used to the fact that you’re extraordinary. He needs time to process your kinks. If he’s the right match, he’ll warm to them.
It’s fine to try online dating, but I’ve had the most luck meeting people through my network, so keep active and put yourself out there. Look for opportunities outside your normal bubble. Join new groups. If you’ve been invited out that night and you’re really tired, splash some cold water on your face, put on your heels and go out. You just never know. That’s how my good friend met her electric soulmate lover – friends invited her out. She almost passed, but she didn’t, and the rest is female ejaculation history.
You’ll be glad to know that my group SEX+STL offers events for learning, growing, and meeting like-minded people. In the past, Matthew, David Wraith, and Justin, three very different men who have enjoyed great success with women and open relationships, have shared their wisdom and experience. We’ll try and schedule another talk soon.
And remember – the following traits are desirable for ANY healthy relationship: agreeability, confidence, conscientiousness, maturity, and, the trickiest one — being emotionally stable.
By Kendra Holliday | May 11, 2015
Most of the events hosted by my not-for-profit group, Sex Positive St. Louis, are open to all genders.
Occasionally, we’ll offer an event for women only. They are ALWAYS wonderful, a great opportunity for women to explore their sexuality safely, in a setting that is comfortable for them.
In the spirit of equality, some of our male members requested an event for men only, so we gave it a try. We called it “Dicktacular! Dicktacular!” It was a chance for men to get together and discuss their penises.
The event was a FLOP.
The energy was not good, the conversation didn’t flow, the guys had trouble opening up, and I doubt anyone left feeling empowered.
So, David Wraith suggested we try a different approach. He had a weird, experimental idea – a CFNM theme. What is that, you may ask? Read on!
He sent this invitation out to a select group of men and women:
You are invited to a very special SEX+STL event. We are beta testing a new discussion group, The Penis Party.
This event will differ from past events like The Pussy Party, Dictacular! Dictacular!, and our normal Clothing Optional Meetups in a variety of ways.
Unlike The Pussy Party and Dictacular! Dictacular!, this event is open to any gender.
Unlike our Clothing Optional Meetups, this event will NOT be clothing optional, but a Clothed Female Naked Male theme (CFNM). Men attending will have to be completely naked; women attending will have to remain clothed.
Like The Pussy Party and Dictacular! Dictacular!, this will be a discussion of genitalia – the penis, specifically. However, this will be a Fish Bowl styled discussion, divided by gender. Meaning, for the first half of the discussion, the men will speak among themselves about their penises and the women will listen. For the second half, the women will speak among themselves about their relationship to penises and the men will listen.
This is an experiment. It’s co-ed because my experience with men-only events is that they tend to be dour affairs that lack the energy of co-ed and women-only events.
It’s CFNM because this event is about the penis, just as The Pussy Party is about the vulva, and my fear is that naked women would be a distraction. It’s also an interesting way to shift the power dynamic and the traditional (male) gaze.
It’s Fish Bowl style because my experience with co-ed discussion groups is that the men tend to dominate, even talking over and interrupting women. Allowing women to speak without male interruption is another way of playing with traditional power dynamics.
Do we know how potentially disastrous this could be? As a matter of fact, we do. That’s why we’re beta testing it with a select group of people (you guys) to gauge whether we want to make it a regular event open to all our members.
So, how did it go?