Why Am I Not Getting Laid? Devon

Why Am I Not Getting Laid? Devon, Age 19

Age: 19

Sex: Male

I want to fuck: Both Sexes

Last time you got laid:

Three months ago but a long gap before that. On the most recent occasion I was completely smashed and could barely perform. In fact, I'm not one hundred percent certain I did. In any case, I'm counting that.

Describe your fashion sense:

I've been known to wear white shoes and slacks with a black jacket.

Do you floss regularly?

Yup.

Describe your voice:

Like a piece of wet cinnamon bark being crushed in a pestle 'n' mortar

Job situation:

Currently working part time as a butcher's cashier. I enjoy the work. It's generally satisfying and the people are fun. I'm also starting university soon.

Your living arrangement:

With parents at the moment, but looking into moving out.

What kind of movies have you loved?

American Beauty, Hostel, The Castle, Pan's Labyrinth, Silence of The Lambs, No Country For Old men, There Will Be Blood

Do you like to read? If so, what?

The Life of Pi, Things Fall Apart, The Outsider, Bukowski stuff, Kafka on The Shore, Perfume

How many people (of your target gender) do you currently know that you'd like to fuck? What are the obstacles with each one?

One's a straight male and close friend. One has a boyfriend who is a close friend, so I don't know if I'd be able to even if they broke up. One lives overseas and the other two won't have anything to do with me and actually, they have shit personalities anyway.

What's your fetish? What turns you on?

Schoolgirl fantasies, latex, chains, rough sex, anal (receiving too), Bears (guys not the animals), role playing.

What kind of porn do you like?

Kinky BDSM or plot driven porn. Schoolgirl scenes, office scenes, stuff where a plot is involved and someone is being a bit naughty ;)

The Beautiful Kind's Answer...

Well lucky you - you're going to university soon. There you'll see plenty of schoolgirls being naughty. At least, I'm SURE that's the way it works in Australia.

I like how you and I share similar fetishes, bravo! In fact, for 2010 I'm going to post a fetish a day on Twitter - that will be a fun project.

Obviously you need to move out of parent's house. And mature a little.

Based on your job and taste in movies, it appears you are bloodthirsty. Do you know your blood type? Have you considered dating a vampire? Seriously, have you seen the movie Inglourious Basterds? You would love it.

You're a good looking guy - the pic you shared with me of you strolling down a tree lined path carrying an umbrella is quite charming.

If moving out of your parent's house and attending university doesn't immediately rectify your not getting laid issue, you might want to try wearing a fake cast or your arm in a sling for sympathy and conversation fodder. Hey, it worked for Ted Bundy.

There are a lot of sexually frustrated folks out there trolling the internet. Trouble is, they don't know what's coming between them and that orgasmic sex they so badly want with another human being. Well, TBK does. And she'll be glad to tell you. Feeling brave? Got nothing to lose? Horny as hell? Request a WAINGL questionnaire by emailing love [at] thebeautifulkind.com.

Sunday, December 27, 2009
The Beautiful Kind's Year End Review

Wednesday, December 30, 2009
YATBK: B

Comments

Lezbrarian

December 29th, 2009 @ 6:51AM

Also ditch the white shoes, and white socks if you wear those too. Try some black oxfords instead.

The Beautiful Kind

December 29th, 2009 @ 8:11AM

Hear, hear!

MstrPhoenix

December 29th, 2009 @ 10:37AM

First and foremost have a set of ball's, big hang to your knee's type ball's, woman love confidence, work on that it will do wonder's for you.

fuzzilla

December 29th, 2009 @ 2:37PM

There isn't a lot of specific information here to aid in trouble-shooting. You were really smashed on your last attempt at sex. Is that often the case, or a one-time thing? Other than that, most of the issues seem to be due to life circumstances, which you say are changing.

Buddha

December 29th, 2009 @ 7:53PM

Nice voice description; I need to think up something creative for mine ("like a puddle of goo mixed with red snapper"). Ok... You have good taste in movies and literature. I agree... you need to lose the white slacks and socks (try some black Bruno Magli shoes and shop at Hugo Boss). Wear a pair of dark-wash jeans and a black shirt. I digress. Anyway... I would normally say it's because you live with Mom and Dad, but you're only 19; it's ok for now (besides... you're going away).

College will introduce you to a wide assortment of boys and girls who are in the same boat as you ... who want to go exploring. Stay clear of close friends, straight men and people in relationships. You might also want to leave out the bit about latex and chains... at least until you move to the big city (just a hunch).

Above all else, show confidence. You seem like a nice guy. Smart. TBK says you're good looking. Hey... what are you doing next weekend? I'm kidding. You'll be fine. Trust me... in a few months, this will all be a memory (probably from the binge drinking, but you never know).

marj

December 29th, 2009 @ 10:35PM

maybe the bisexual thing turns some girls off, are you open about that kind of thing?

marj

December 29th, 2009 @ 10:37PM

are you going to live on campus when you start uni? I highly recommend doing that, it's much easier to meet people when you live on campus and it's very slutty, especially first year.

sexpositivegal

December 30th, 2009 @ 9:27AM

I've found most gals don't mind a bi guy. I actually prefer them because it leads to lots of naughty threesome fun that can also be about me and two men rather than the very standard male asks his girlfriend to find another girl and he is happy scenario. In any case Devon, you sound very nice and if I were in aussie land I would most likely chat you up!

Chablis

January 29th, 2010 @ 9:57AM

FYI that picture is not helping the situation. Your mind may be too dark.

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