By Kendra Holliday | January 16, 2017
Here’s one of my favorite perverts:
So what is a pervert, anyway? Centuries ago, the word meant “atheist”, or “turning away from what is right.”
I’m an atheist, so that still fits. And I don’t see why sexual creativity and expression is wrong, so I’m glad to reclaim the word as being twisted or kinky.
There’s a great book out that covers a wide range of perversions. It’s called PERV: The Sexual Deviant in All of Us, by Jesse Bering. (Fun fact: Jesse Bering used to teach at a university in Arkansas. My ex took his position when he moved on to greener pastures.)
I’m used to academics writing about sex in theory, and removing themselves from the messy details. So I was really impressed with Jesse’s approach – he fesses up to some of his own embarrassing sexual history! Very raw and honest.
For instance, one time he masturbated to an empty Diet Coke can a guy he had a crush on drank from. He also masturbated to a picture of a naked caveman in a science book. His confessions reminded me of some of my embarrassing details – I used to have a crush on Darth Vader, and when I was a kid, I practiced making out with a Spiderman doll.
By Kendra Holliday | January 9, 2017
In my experience, sex partners are few and far between. When I do find a partner, relationship drama soon kicks in, and that tarnishes the fun in having sex. I’ve always wanted more sex with more women without all the hassle – a life of sexual freedom and openness, and the joy that comes with it. But alas, it always eludes me.
I appreciate your blog and lifestyle, and I’d like to live a sex life similar to yours. I want to enjoy a sex life with an abundance of attractive women, with a consenting partner, in a way that good partners come towards me without all the games.
I’ve always felt that the key to living the life you want is your mentality or perspective about it. And so my question to you is, what is the mindset of one who lives this sort of life, or the spiritual perspective? What kinds of thoughts prohibit one from living the life? What is the secret to living an abundant sex life?
There is one main thing keeping people from celebrating their sexuality in a free and fun manner – FEAR.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from traveling to other countries, it’s that USA is a very fearful country. We are rife with anxiety and depression, due to all the limitations we impose upon ourselves. And yet, we tout ourselves as a free country.
HA. Very funny. Nice try.
I highly recommend you read The Bonobo Way by Dr Susan Block.
And Decoding Your Kink by Galen Fous MTP.
And, it looks like some of my other book recommendations have helped people! See this heartening note from a reader:
“You and I could probably agree on very little…I’m a Conservative Christian male, in a monogamous relationship with my wife, and I was a virgin until I was married.
And yet, my wife and I have had intimacy issues for many many years. I stumbled onto your site and, at after seeing your Top Sex-Positive Recommendations post, started reading Robert Glover’s book ‘No More Mr. Nice Guy!’. I thought I was going to see my picture in the pages of that book. Almost everything in that book described me perfectly.
Then, also at your suggestion, I started reading ‘Open Her’ by Karen Brody. Not finished with this yet, but again I’m seeing eye-opening revelations.
My relationship with my wife is improving, but I have miles to go before I truly overcome my ‘Nice Guy Syndrome’. I just wanted to thank you for listing these reading materials on your site. You don’t make $ from this, but I can tell that you are truly interested in helping people resolve whatever sexual-relational problems they may have.”
By Kendra Holliday | December 31, 2016
What makes a person sexy?
Before you read on, take a moment to really think about it. What thoughts immediately come to mind?
WHO comes to mind – you? your partner? someone you know in real life? celebrities?
What do they look like? How do they behave?
Most people will reply automatically with:
But of course!
However, it’s more than that. I know a gorgeous stripper who suffers from low self-esteem, and she is sexy.
You can be insecure and sexy.
You can be stupid and sexy.
You can be fat and sexy.
You can be old and sexy.
You can be poor and sexy.
You can be immature and sexy.
When we are attracted to someone else, it’s either because they remind us of ourselves, or they are a contrast to ourselves.
Either way, it is a reflection.
Deep, huh? Let’s unpack that.
Do you possess more male energy, or female energy?
Are you in touch with your sexuality? Is your libido in check?
Female energy is yin, the moon, water, cool.
Male energy is yang, the sun, fire, hot.
I’ve found that what makes a man sexy is confidence and maturity.
For women, it’s confidence and playfulness.
And for everyone, the secret ingredient to sexiness is…………
By Kendra Holliday | December 25, 2016
End of the year recap!
Who here is glad to be done with 2016?
And I didn’t even have that bad of a year – I mainly watched other people’s loved one’s die and shitty world news and election travesty…
I can easily recall bad things, but if I think a little harder, I can conjure some really amazing memories this year –
Going to the cabin
Spending time with people who are no longer alive
Hosting fun events – Shameless Grounds, clothing optional pool party, sex worker workshops, sissy tea party, Fleshtivus!
Road trip with Sex Positive St Louis crew to Chicago CatalystCon
Tantra training in NYC!
A quick jaunt to Texas…
Fun with family – my daughter, partner, siblings and partners are still alive and well
New dishwasher, washing machine, and dryer – so many gifts and blessings thanks to my clients and loved ones
Another trip to NYC and the Poconos!
Lots and LOTS and LOTS of sexy time! Tantra, long distance clients visiting, devirginizing, fetish facilitation and roleplay realized….
And another year of good health – no serious illnesses or STIs, hooray!
And so many loved ones, a roof over my head, food in my belly.
Want to hear something funny?
By Kendra Holliday | December 24, 2016
One of the funniest things that happened this year was the Whisper Orgy at CatalystCon last April in Chicago.
CatalystCon occurs once or twice a year, and provides a great platform for connecting and learning with other sex-positive people from around the country – and even the world.
I met Sigga Dogg, a delightful sex educator from Iceland!
One night, a play party was hosted in a large suite, and everyone was invited.
But first, I had to shower and get ready.
I LOOOVE showers like this! So fun for an exhibitionist. 🙂
There was a massage table set up, bondage, and a bedroom where a bisexual orgy was going down. I saw three men having sex and it looked like this:
Unfortunately, it got loud and there were some other hotel guests who caught wind of the party and tried crashing it. My partner Matthew stood in as doorman while our friends got frisky. Some guys tried pushing their way in, but Matthew barred the way.
Peeved, they reported our party to hotel management, which put a damper on things. In order not to interrupt the orgy taking place, they closed the bedroom door while they spoke to management, so that sex room ended up getting all stuffy and smelling like ass and lube.
Management warned us that if it got one more complaint, we would be kicked out of the hotel, so that freaked everyone out.
As we stood around trying to figure out what to do next, it was insisted that we be EXTREMELY quiet – nothing above a whisper.
So what did Matthew do? He put the Whisper Song on his phone very softly and walked around the suite playing it.
Keep in mind, this is a politically correct crowd and we had just spent a day discussing consent and gender roles, so it was especially funny this super sexist song was played.
Luckily, everyone was having too much fun to get upset about it.
I was amazed to see an entire room of people dancing and fucking enthusiastically and silently – it was like watching a YouTube video on mute!
Finally, the party got moved to a downstairs ballroom. Everyone dressed, gathered up their gear, and migrated. But by then, the spell was broken, and we headed to a tiki bar.
By Kendra Holliday | December 23, 2016
You know what gives a sex worker a serious case of frosty burnout? An onslaught of timewasters and disrespectful horny men.
It’s winter now, and I’ve been dealing with a bone chilling, relentless dick blizzard.
It’s enough to make my pussy FRIGID.
Baby, it’s cold outside. Don’t be all rapey, virtual, or otherwise.
I feel like I’m doing the heavy lifting. Other women are opting out – they’re had enough and are done with dick – which makes more men cluster up, desperate and eager, their testosterone levels sloshing out and flinging on anyone they can access.
If you want to warm a woman up, make her feel comfortable and respected.
If you want to wear a woman out, be pushy and insensitive.
Believe me, I LOVE sex and men and doing what I do, but when it comes to the creepers, it goes like this:
On the twelfth day of Christmas
my horny fans sent to me:
12 Dicks Drumming
Eleven Pricks Piping
Ten Dicks a Leaping
Nine Dongs Dancing
Eight Dicks a Milking
Seven Dicks a Swimming
Six Cocks a Laying
Five Golden DIIIIIIICKS
Four Calling Dicks
Three French Dicks
Two Turtle Dicks
and a Penis in a Pear Tree.
Now repeat twelve times.
Merry Dickmas, Everyone!
Luckily, I get a boner break – I’ll be on vacation Dec 26-Jan 10. First Hogwarts in Orlando with my daughter, and then Iceland with my partner! I’m excited to see magical landscapes and the Northern Lights!
And then I will return, refreshed and ready to rendezvous again! See you next year!
By Kendra Holliday | December 21, 2016
So this frisky encounter happened when I wasn’t around…. and that is totally okay! Hooray for open and honest relationships!
My partner Matthew wrote this account of a hot, hardbody blond who craved an alpha male threesome – and WENT FOR IT! (The picture posted here accurately captures her look/energy.)
I was out of town on business eating lunch with colleagues when my phone vibrated with a text. I let the conversation change subjects before I checked it.
I opened my phone to find a picture of a woman with her hand on her pussy.
No message, just the image.
I didn’t recognize the pussy and the number didn’t register from my address book.
Manicured fingernails….beautiful, big clit….no pubic hair…..I started to weed out the possibilities.
I came to the conclusion that this is a pussy I had yet to meet face to face. After a brief bout of texting back and forth, I discovered it was our friend Sunshine.
Sidenote: Kendra and I had been to dinner with Sunshine and her husband Beowulf a couple of weeks prior and had a great time. We all agreed that we should get together in private soon….
I texted her back thanking her for the picture.
She responded with: “Glad you liked it. Please feel free to reciprocate so I can fantasize about what it will be like when I finally get to suck you off.”
I sent back a message with a pic of my chest, explaining that I don’t send cock shots and she would have to wait to see it in person.
Now….I hadn’t fucked or gotten head in three days, so my tank was full and ready to explode. I had already been thinking about who I was going to call to help alleviate this pressure in my balls when I got back in town.
There were four possibilities…Sunshine’s persistence sealed the deal. The next day I was driving back and the texting commenced again. We exchanged a few provocative notes and my dick was heavy the entire ride back. I could tell she wasn’t talking shit and I knew Beowulf wasn’t a bullshitter either. This woman was hot and ready to roll. She is a real “pleaser”.
By Kendra Holliday | December 15, 2016
The other day, I had a session with a 30 yr old man who has never been intimate with another person. He was a blank slate – didn’t even have kissing experience.
A few hours before we met, I posed a question to my network:
What would you teach a sexually inexperienced person?
The responses were so excellent, I had to share!
Self-pleasure – knowing what feels good to you is helpful before engaging others.
Sex can be sacred or profane. Sex can be spiritual or playful.
Sex is adult playtime. If something embarrassing happens, laugh it off.
The best sex is messy. That’s why we have showers!
Practice good hygiene and health. Learn how to use condoms. Pee and wash up after sex.
COMMUNICATION. Communication with your partner is critical. Always check in with your partner, ask for feedback. LISTEN to your partner.
The importance of CONSENT.
By Kendra Holliday | December 7, 2016
I offer sex and relationship consulting, and I’m happy to say that I’ve been getting more women, LGBT folks, and couples these days. Historically, most of the people who have sought me out for my unique services have been men who crave female energy.
The Top 5 reasons why people contact me are, in this order:
1. He’s a married man in his 50’s or 60’s whose wife is not interested in sex (mismatched libido)
2. He/she/they have some sort of sexual issue they want to work through, such as inexperience, anxiety, or orgasm/penis problems (Erectile Dysfunction is a common complaint – it can get complex when you heap social conditioning and anxiety on top of the natural aging process.)
3. He/she/they are interested in branching out sexually, either because they are in transition, not getting laid, or curious about alternative lifestyle options (non-monogamy, BDSM, sex work, etc.)
4. He has a fetish and is ashamed/seeking an outlet
5. They want to meet me, and possibly rub me for good luck
My goal is to offer tools, connections, and non-traditional options so that the people seeking me out can reach their goal of becoming happier and healthier. My approach is unconventional, and I get referrals from licensed sex therapists. I’m pretty well connected and have a strong network. Sex is my specialty, which ties into work, family, personal – everything!
Here is a list of resources I most often recommend to my clients:
By Kendra Holliday | December 2, 2016
Kyle took the train from Chicago.
All day he traveled, portable oxygen tank in tow.
He didn’t listen to podcasts or music. His mind was too occupied with thoughts of what was to come –
You see, Kyle was overcoming great obstacles in order to find answers and rediscover intimacy with another person through surrogate sessions with me. It had been seven years since he was last with a partner, and he was missing human touch terribly.
Why? Life took an unexpected turn from him.
I’m always fascinated by my client’s life stories, and his was especially interesting.
As a forensic anthropologist, Kyle traveled the world working on ancient civilizations and gravesites. He was fit, had a passport, and worked outdoors a lot, in all kinds of conditions. Destinations included South America, Australia. He was next scheduled for a project in Europe, and had his sights set on Asia.
Then one day, at a church in Mexico, disaster struck – literally. The team was digging in trenches, excavating an old sacred graveyard for relocation. Despite wearing a Hazmat suit and respirator, something went wrong when a 400 yr-old-bone was hit with a pickax. Bacteria exploded in the air, and invaded his lungs. He suffered serious pulmonary damage, and has been on oxygen 24/7 ever since.
A couple years after that, he was hit in the ass with colon cancer, and had to undergo risky surgery to remove 1/3 of his colon. The doctors warned him he might not survive the operation, due to his lung condition. They had to give him an epidural and twilight meds instead of general anesthesia!
Incredibly, he survived this double whammy.
Nowadays, Kyle is the same age as me (43) and lives with his parents on disability. He can no longer drive. He’s overweight and in poor health. His lifestyle went from adventurous globetrotting to being tethered to a tank in his bedroom, more or less homebound, living vicariously through the internet. He is an odd combination of extremely worldly and intelligent, and emotionally stunted and childlike.
We had our initial consult over Skype. I found out he’s quite kinky like me – into stockings, men and women, incest and rape fantasies, pegging… all that fun stuff! His sensitivity and shyness put me at ease, and we clicked.
By Kendra Holliday | November 25, 2016
This holiday season, I’m feeling very nostalgic.
You see, my parents 50th wedding anniversary was this week.
FIFTY YEARS OF MARRIAGE.
My mom is one of the only truly monogamous people I know.
She has only been with one person her entire life.
Isn’t that IRONIC??? I’m the opposite – I’ve been with hundreds of people. I’m SO non-monogamous.
How about you? How many people have you been with? How do you feel about it?
A few years ago, my parents renewed their vows, because they weren’t sure they would make it to their Golden Anniversary.
My veteran dad had open heart surgery in 2005 after retiring from a 30 year career and delving into two more government jobs. So earnest and gullible.
And my mom.
Well, she has had more near death experiences than I can count – childbirth, child death, mother guilt, resentment, confusion, suicide attempts, cutting, bashing, languishing, slicing, dicing, overdosing, psychotic episodes, hallucinating, mania, depression, dumpster diving, dog and people rescuing, child abusing, drug rehab, halfway houses, driving into ditches, crumpled up in closets and outhouses, ER visits, endless falling, bleeding, heart stopping, toxic drug levels…
Life can be fucking brutal.
They are stubborn and of strong stock.
Here is the song that was played at their renewal of vows. My baby sis chose it (she’s 12 yrs younger than me – we span their reproductive love story – it went girl-boy-girl-boy-girl):
I love how the colors start out red, like blood, then blue is added, and it turns purple. Purple is a healing color. Purple is what people could wear after a year of mourning, back in the day.
It reminds me of this song. Yes, I KNOW it’s super cheesy, but it symbolizes so much:
Celine Dion is an angel, overseeing their fate.
Love conquers all.
Here is an image of my parent’s hands in 1966, at their wedding:
By Kendra Holliday | November 25, 2016
The other day, my friend told me he wanted to come out, but he was afraid.
He’s a polyamorous bisexual swinger, and was worried about judgement.
So, I made this video offering tips on coming out.
He watched it and said, “My only hesitation around coming out is the potential adverse impact on our 10 yr old daughter. If it wasn’t for that, I would have done it already. I feel like we need to come out to her first. I don’t want her to hear it from anyone but us.”
I replied, “It’s respectful to start with loved ones first, you’re so right.”
And then, I made this video.
Well, guess what!
He took the plunge, and talked to his daughter. And you know what? It went fine!
He reported, “I did it! I talked to our daughter! We are out to her! It was very uneventful. I had an opening and I took it. She was very open and understanding and said ‘Do whatever you want as long as you stay married.’ Once she heard we both knew about each other’s relationships and our marriage was solid, it was all good. It felt very natural and healthy.”
By no means am I taking full credit for pushing him in the right direction, but I did provide gentle encouragement and influence.
And that feels AWESOME!
OH and PS: After my daughter dug through my box of sex toys and learned what they were, I went ahead and proudly displayed them in my bedroom! It’s a shame to hide functional works of art, don’t you agree?
And, PS2: My daughter knows I have sex with most of my friends, so when she finds out I haven’t had sex with one of my friends, she is SURPRISED! LOL!
Such as, David Wraith. We have never had sex! But we’ve certainly been emotionally intimate. 😉
Much love and encouragement to you and your loved ones!
By Kendra Holliday | November 23, 2016
Just reflecting on how much I get grabbed.
Most of the time I like it.
After all, I have lots of handles.
Breasts, belly, hips… pussy.
Of course, I prefer to be grabbed consensually. Like this.
That was a good night – Ladies Night. I was weak all the next day.
When was the last time you grabbed someone? Did you ask first? Was it consensual? Did it lead to good things?
By Kendra Holliday | November 19, 2016
I’ve been having lots of national speakers (Joan Price! Marty Klein!), friends, and esteemed clients travel to St Louis to see ME or attend conferences, events or fulfill prestigious speaking engagements, and they often ask me what St Louis has going on.
Well, let me tell you – there’s A LOT going on between the legs of The Arch!
From the honorary sex-positive Ambassador and Queen Whore Madame of St Louis, here are my suggestions!
The City Museum downtown is the MUST SEE place in St Louis. TRUST ME AND EVERYONE ELSE AND GO THERE. You can climb around and explore so many levels – from the rooftop to the underground caves! Listen to my friend Max talk about the interactive features of this hardcore unique museum. Kids love this place, and so do adults. (Pssst, there are nooks and crannies for getting injured, or a little nookie with your sweetheart if you’re lucky!) Seriously, I love taking people there. Every time I explain it to them on the way there, they say, “yeah we have something like that in our city”, and then when they get there, they shit their pants and I feel crazyproudsmug. 🙂
Shameless Grounds is a rare gem – we are SO happy to have it! It’s a sex-positive community space and coffee shop. The food is really good! They host so many great events and have a sex library! (Psst – look for the wall of beautiful vulvas backlit above the bookshelves 😉 ) Be sure and check out their calendar while you’re in town, and while you’re at it, check out SEX+STL calendar, too. We cross pollinate all the time, and the entire community benefits!
And while you’re in the neighborhood, go pay your respects to the Anheuser-Busch Clydesdales. Not only are they spectacular beasts, but they offer better hospitality than most people — free beer!
If you have a car (public transportation is not the best in St Louis), drive around the city and marvel at all the green and red – so many trees and brick buildings. Beautiful architecture. There’s even a documentary on St Louis BRICKS by my friend Bill Streeter!
HOLY SHIT – did you know that most of our attractions in beautiful Forest Park are FREE?! You just have to be aware of $Parking$, incidentals, and Special Exhibits.
If you like art, you better get your ass to our incredible Art Museum. Be sure and say hi to my boyfriend (he may or may not practice Responsible Hedonism…):
When I used to strip on the East side back when I was 19, I would often be driving to “work”, feeling a sense of dread, then I would declare a silent scream FUCK IT, and bust a U-turn and spend the day at the glorious Art Museum instead. One placed sucked my soul, the other place nourished it…
I like taking different people to the museum and pretending it’s a giant Art Mart, and we get to pick one thing out of each gallery. I’ll say in a loud voice, “Where are the price tags on these things?!”
But whatever you do, DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING in the museum, unless maybe a toilet seat. Otherwise, the security guard stationed next to every piece of art will cut you.
The History Museum is nice, if you’re into that kind of thing. They had a fun Prohibition exhibit a while back, as well as one on Lingerie throughout the decades. And Little Black Dresses! And toys! They have a great marble selection in their gift shop! I have a lot of them in my bedroom…
I took this pic at the History Museum!
And if you like history, The Campbell House Museum downtown is splendid.
Our ZOO is one of the best. Every year, they update a section so it is better for the animals, and fun for all us gawkers. One of these days, they will get around to the lions and tigers and bears, oh my!
Get your geek on at the Science Center. They’ve featured some really fun exhibits in the past, like Bodyworlds, Dr Who, and Sherlock Holmes.
Beautiful Tower Grove Park is right next store, and has the most variety of trees in the city.
By Kendra Holliday | November 13, 2016
THIS IS OUR NINTH YEAR AT THE CABIN!!!! HEADING THERE IN DECEMBER……….
I’ve had many couples ask me for the name/location of the cabin we go to. Drop me a line and I’ll hook you up! This cabin is rustic, no wifi, so it’s good to come prepared with food, drink, music speakers, ambient lighting, soft blankets and pillows – we prepare a list every year.
Matthew and I go to the same cabin every winter, and about two months prior, we start getting CABIN FEVER.
A couple days ago, he texted me: “I hope each morning, you’re opening the Cabin Advent Calendar in your head.”
I sure am! Do you want a peek inside? Open each little window and it will reveal:
cabin music playlist