Contemplating a Hysterectomy

By Kendra Holliday | July 3, 2012

If you had x-ray vision, you could see my uterus right now.

This morning I woke up with sharp pelvic pain.

Truth is, I’ve suffered with it for years.

Sometimes it’s a dull ache, and sometimes it feels like someone is twisting my fallopian tube, or jabbing my ovary.

Every time I went to the doctor, they could find nothing wrong, despite exams, pap smears, tests, and ultrasounds. I felt so frustrated – was I crazy? Was I making it up?

I made up my mind that I must have invisible ovarian cancer, which is quite rare and also IMAGINARY, so finally, I went and saw a new expert.

We sat in his office. “Do you know how many ultrasounds you’ve had since 2003?” he asked me as he flipped through my chart and reviewed my medical history.

“Four?”

“SEVEN.”

“They never find anything, and it’s getting worse,” I complained. “Therefore, I must have cancer.”

“You most certainly do not have cancer.”

“Wow, you’re good!” I felt better already.

“Let’s take a look,” he said, and we switched rooms.

I stripped down and assumed the position on the gyno table. He had no idea he was about to enter one of the most well-known vaginas in St. Louis.

He gloved up and dug around in there. Poking and prodding, he was able to replicate the pain.

IT WAS REAL.

I felt vindicated!

“Here’s the deal,” he announced, withdrawing his fingers. “You have scar tissueย  in there, and ultrasounds don’t pick that up. You have three options. One, you can live with the pain. Two, I can go in through your belly button and try and cut the scar tissue so that it’s no longer tugging and causing you pain. Three, you can have a hysterectomy and remove the whole shebang.”

“ARE YOU SERIOUS? Isn’t that an extreme measure?”

“If you’re not planning on having any more children, it’s a perfectly reasonable procedure to have. You’d need to stay overnight, but it’s quite simple – I can pull your uterus right out of your vagina.”

Let me tell you – I’ve had a LOT of things in my vagina, and I never thought that impressive list would include giving birth to my uterus.ย  That’s like the ultimate oxymoron.

I imagined him pulling a rabbit out of a hat, except it was my bloody uterus. TA DA!

“Would you take my cervix, too?” I asked, my mind reeling.

“Oh sure. I do this all the time.”

“Let me think about these options.”

“No problem, there’s no rush. Once you’ve decided, get back in touch with me and we’ll take next steps.”

I drove home, thoughts racing. I didn’t want to fuck with my sex drive and ability to orgasm, but getting rid of the pain and the risk of ever getting pregnant again was quite appealing. I’d never have to worry about getting an abortion again. I’d also eliminate my period, which was a pretty fucking awesome thought.ย  27 years of bleeding was quite enough, thank you – it would be nice to nip that in the bud and toss all my period pants.

But back to the orgasms! When a woman orgasms, her entire reproductive region is affected – her uterus contracts and her cervix winks with joy. What would orgasms feel like with all of that gone? What if they felt better because the nagging pain was gone?

I mentioned my news on facebook and twitter, and was overwhelmed by the feedback. Interestingly, the people who had no personal experience with hysterectomies warned me not to do it, sharing articles like this one on sexual dysfunction, and the women who have had hysterectomies assured me it was THE BEST THING EVER.

So naturally I’ve been all up in the HysterSisters website, and have been doing a lot of research and am compiling a list of questions to ask my doctor.

Some of the men I’ve told have this to say about it: OUCH. Yeah, well women have to deal with a lot of OUCH in their lives. To me, this would be a drop in the bucket, but what do I know?

If I got the surgery, would I lose my mojo? I’m a sex goddess, after all, and as they say in The Big Lebowski, “Don’t fuck with the Jesus.”

Have you experienced pelvic pain? Have you gotten the runaround about it from medical professionals? Have you had any surgeries like this?

Comments

countdraga 2012-07-03 06:36:17

I think the ‘Don’t fuck with Jesus’ aspect is perhaps, to me at least, and MANY more of your loyal followers and compatriots is our selfish concern. We would hate to lose such a standard bearer of positive human sexuality.

Having had many surgeries, including a penile pump implant, I think long and hard (no pun intended) on having any more. Each and every surgery takes away part of you. Regardless whatever your decision I will certainly cross my fingers for you.

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    Kendra Holliday 2012-07-16 08:09:31

    You are right – some people don’t realize how major surgery is. When you submit to one, you’re opening yourself up to all kinds of complications, injuries, infections. Elective surgeries such as cosmetic should especially be given serious consideration.

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Bianca 2012-07-03 07:14:03

Girl, if you have a choice of going in through your belly button and cutting the scar tissue, i would suggest that first. I’ve been living with pelvic pain for years now (lately is pretty bad) and I don’t believe hysterectomy is the answer… sexually I would be devastated to loose the ability to feel all the wonderful contractions while orgasming. It’s an awful pain and I understand the temptation of getting rid of it with a hysterectomy, but it seems to radical to me. Look at other treatments first and good luck.

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The Bee's Knees 2012-07-03 08:09:44

Your experience is clearly not my experience. I had adenomyosis & endometriosis & scar tissue from having c-sections.

Why do you have scar tissue? Where is this scar tissue? And will removing your uterus cure the pain? What will prevent scar tissue from forming again?

These are the questions I would need answered to understand the big picture. The answers may raise more questions or draw out an answer.

Doctors are not always right.

Getting your uterus removed is NOT the end of the world. I love having mine gone, it was without a doubt necessary for me as my periods were so heavy it almost required a blood transfusion on a couple of occasions, it did not cure the pain I have. It’s lessened but not gone.

You know I’m still incredibly sexual & my orgasms are the same… In this aspect I’m just the same as I was before. I worried about it big time. I love sex, it is awesome and brings me joy, I didn’t want that to change… I still have my cervix & most importantly ovaries. After the procedure my hormones got a little wonky simply because of the trauma of it all but after a couple of weeks I was right as rain as again.

I’m happy to answer your questions or talk with you about this anytime…

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PennyPiquant 2012-07-03 09:31:33

I’m a fan of not using noninvasive treatments- when they remove the uterus the ligaments that hold it up are also greatly affected- this can lead to shifting of internal organs, and even prolapse. The vagina is shortened usually, so that would make tenting for things like fisting more difficult……

I’m with Bianca- if the pain is bad enough, get the scar tissue removed- but taking out the whole uterus imho will cause more problems than it solves.

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Beth 2012-07-03 09:54:49

When I was thinking about breast reduction surgery I found an online message board of women who have gone through the same thing and were sharing their experiences. I found it very helpful to know what to expect. Surgery affects people in different ways, for example some women experienced loss of sensation in their nipples where I actually gained more sensation. So it’s really up to you to decide to go through with it or not, and decide if the Pros outweigh the cons. Physically though you will still have all of the things needed for orgasms, clit, g-spot, ovaries for hormones. So technically you should still be the sexual goddess we know and love, and hopefully even moreso because you will no longer have the pain.

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    Kendra Holliday 2012-07-16 08:15:47

    It’s fascinating how the same thing effects different people. Thank you for your kind words. I’ve been getting a lot of good info from HysterSisters site.

    Reply

AlwaysAgree 2012-07-03 13:50:48

I guess the question is: how bad is it? I mean is most of your concern up to this point about the pain itself, or is it about a nagging fear that something is wrong? It seems to me that if all else is working right, you’re taking a risk in having a procedure. Anytime you have a surgery there’s a non-zero risk of something going wrong, complications, etc. Odds are you’d be fine, but you are playing odds.

My advice is that if the pain is manageable, that you leave well enough alone. If it’s really messing with your quality of life, etc, then it might warrant more drastic action.

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brstng 2012-07-03 16:35:14

Before you make any decision and before you meet with your doctor again, you have to read “Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom” by Dr. Northrup.

Personally, I’d recommend looking for a holistic GYN. There are so many options that don’t involve surgery that a holistic doctor can explore with you. A lot of holistic doctors don’t accept insurance so it can be a little pricey but it is definitely worth exploring the options they might be able to provide you.

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    Thinkfirst 2012-07-04 02:56:25

    Consider you options based on evidence/science/reality based choices and information. Although placebos from quacks can be good for some pain- but try to find the cheapest placebos if you can! And not all ‘natural’ remedies are safe. Arsenic is natural, doesnt mean it is safe, and most alt medicines are not tightly regulated or researched enough to know all of the effects they have on the body. Homeopathy on the other hand is pretty safe as it is just water….
    Here is an article about Dr Northrup and some of the practices she promotes from a critical, science based angle.

    http://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/index.php/christiane-northrup-md-science-tainted-with-strange-beliefs/

    Love your work Kendra. ๐Ÿ™‚ Keep it up, and obviously you are a very smart woman, so I hope you dont fall into the alt med Woo that seems so prevalent in the kink community. Maybe because we are a bit alternative in many ways? But we shouldnt throw away medicine! It is good that medicine is becoming less patriarchal though. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply

      Kendra Holliday 2012-07-16 08:17:04

      Thank you for the link! Always nice to have a skeptic weigh in on a conversation! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply

Michelle 2012-07-03 22:28:18

I had a hysterectomy 3 years ago it was the best thing ever. I havent lost anything. I do recommend however keeping you cervics. My gyno told me there would be a possibility of vaginal walls falling but check into it your self.

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    Kendra Holliday 2012-07-16 08:17:40

    This is heartening! I will definitely discuss this cervix thing with doc.

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Randy 2012-07-04 06:00:31

Wow, tough situation. I hope all goes well for you. Good luck.

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Mark 2012-07-05 06:26:33

Remember, a hysterectomy is permanent. If you look at the loooong list of pretty severe possible side-effects, why wouldn’t you want to try the less extreme approach first? The problem is scar tissue, not the whole uterus and cervix. That’s a bit like throwing out the baby with the bath water.

I have two aunts and an ex-mother-in-law who all had different types of hysterectomies. All three are miserable. One is now on HRT for mood stabilization and cries a lot.

If you don’t like the scar tissue treatment, take the next step. If you start with the hysterectomy and don’t like it…what next?

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    Kendra Holliday 2012-07-16 08:19:34

    True, but there’s also the thought that taking care of it with one fell swoop (you hope!) is a better route than stringing it out over several procedures – the cost, the time off, the hassle. Yes, I just said my uterus is a hassle.

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Indy 2012-07-07 17:12:44

The cause may not be the same, but my wife had a full hysterectomy (they left the ovaries), and she has experienced not even the slightest loss of pleasure, nor has she lost the ability to orgasm in any way whatsoever. Sometimes, it’s actually pretty ridiculous just how much pleasure she has (I can’t tell you how many times she’s ruined the bed pad), and it has been 7 months. We keep saying that she MUST tell her OBGYN that everything works more than fine for the sake of the other patients.

In many ways, she’s much better off – the pain and discomfort is gone, as is her periods.

Good luck in your choice, and if you’re taking a poll, this is one family who has had a good experience from it.

And thanks for your blog, it’s very enjoyable and educational!

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    Kendra Holliday 2012-07-16 08:21:03

    SO glad to hear your wife is better than ever after less than a year! It is very important to share experiences in order to help others who are going through the same thing. I will definitely do the same.

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Kate 2012-07-08 07:15:50

I was (finally) diagnosed with Endometriosis last week (which is what this description sounds like) after 10 years of killer pelvic pain & other crummy symptoms. Try another doctor, one who specialist in endometriosis & knows how to do the surgery to remove the adhesions/scar tissue. I’m hvaing a laproscopy to get rid of mine and see how far the damage goes before I even think about any other options. Looking forward to feeling like a new person in September!

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Swedishskier 2012-07-10 04:47:27

I figure you’ll do a pretty good job of looking at all the aspects (long term and short,) and make the best decision you can. I always worry about doing things that screw with the balance your body creates hormonally but when something’s going wrong, you have to determine the best course of action for you. If you have a hysterectomy you have to take hormones, no? Or would they leave your ovaries in?
And I’m with you on the pain thing. That seems the least of your worries. Oh oh, wait! Would no cervix mean that deep thrusts would be less likely to feel like you were about to have a dick come your forehead? Or maybe more so since it would feel like there was no stop sign and it really could go through your forehead? This is obviously the question that most needs answering. Not about menopause or health risks or periods. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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    Kendra Holliday 2012-07-10 10:03:42

    Keeping my ovaries, so no need to worry about hormones. Doc prefers a complete hysterectomy over a partial, which means cervix would go. That’s my biggest question – why keep the cervix? I can’t tell if it’s important or not. He would create a vaginal cuff in its place, not sure how that feels different but the doc says there’s nothing to bang into anymore.

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ABiGirl4ABiGirl 2012-07-14 10:19:37

Hi Kendra. I just found your website after stumbling onto the Whore Journals. First, I want to say big kudos to you for publishing such an honest look into your experiences unedited. I read the series start to finish and loved every entry!

On the subject of your condition, I too suffered from this condition. In 2002 at the age of 29, the pin on my left side was bad enough that I told my doctor I was willing to have a tubal ligation so that he could do exploratory surgery to find the cause of my pain. At that time, part of me was dying to have another child, but I knew I did not want it to be with with my husband, so I wasn’t ready to give up my uterus unless it was necessary, but a tubal was the only way my insurance would pay for the procedure. The doctor told me that the pain was one of two things, and he wouldn’t know which until he went it: scar tissue or cancer. Female cancers run in my family, so I for the next three weeks I was a nervous wreck as I waited for the day of the surgery. Two days before the procedure, my husband called from a hotel in the next town to tell me he was moving out and wanted a divorce, but that he’d be there for my surgery. I’ve never felt so alone in my life. The doctor went in and cleared out the scar tissue as best he could, and recovery was minimal. I’d hoped that this would be the end of my troubles, and I was relieved it wasn’t cancer. Unfortunately I had to hear it by phone because my husband went off with his new girlfriend while I was in surgery and didn’t get back before the doctor left the hospital.

A little over year later, my marriage had gotten better and was worse again as the girlfriend flitted in and out of our lives, but the pain was back. The day I felt the first twinges of it, I found myself in a sobbing heap in my bathroom floor. The doctor had told me if the pain returned that the only option to stop it was a hysterectomy. I saw my dreams of a new life and family, without my husband, crumble before my eyes. I knew that my future was set and I would never have another child. I was devestated.

I put off the doctor’s visit for two months, knowing he would want to schedule the operation right away so I wouldn’t have to suffer. Again, the insurance wouldn’t pay for the procedure without another reason for it (apparently not wanting to be in pain is considered elective surgery), but fortunately since I’d been off birth control my period had gone from 5 to 8 days long, and that was enough to warrant the surgery. A month after my 31’s bithday and 16 months after my tubal, I had my hysterectomy. Since all my pain was on the left, he left my right ovary to help with hormones.

The recovery wasn’t too bad, but sex was somewhat painful for the next six months or so. About that time my husband had to have the first of several major abdominal operations, the first of them an emergency procedure. When we divorced in 2005, I finally had the opportunity to reflect, and I realized that other than losing my ability to give birth to another child, this was the best decision I’d ever made. With only one ovary, my body is no longer a slave to the immense hormonal fluctuations of the monthly cycle I used to deal with. My sex drive not only returned, but was stronger than ever, as was my penchant for kink and rough sex. Now that I am three months from my 40th birthday and so far still symptom-free, I still long for another child (even though my son will be 20 in November), but am thankful that menopause will likely be less dramatic for me than what my mother is going through now.

I wish you good luck with this procedure, and hope that your outcome will be as positive as mine has been.

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    Kendra Holliday 2012-07-16 08:13:39

    WOW what an epic story. Thank you for sharing. (Glad you found my site via Whore Journals!) You’ve been through so much physically and emotionally. What terrible timing for your husband to choose to let you know about his affair right before you had life-changing surgery!

    I appreciate hearing from women who have been through it. You and I are about the same age. SUCH bullshit that chronic pain was considered elective surgery by your insurance company!

    And how wonderful for you to conclude your comment with the thought that you’ve had a positive outcome, despite all that you’ve been through. Sometimes the bad times help us appreciate the good things even more.

    Reply

Ignoreddad 2012-07-17 23:44:55

As someone who’s had about 5 different surgeries in the last 8 years, along with steroid injections in my back, and Lithotripsy (Kidney stones – and trust me, when you need morphine, you’re in pain..) I have a pretty good perspective on surgery.

You should ask the doctor what the “Conservative Care” or “Conservative Treatment” course would be.

Conservative Treatment is the concept of doing the most minimally invasive treatment required to medically address the the patients’ problems. This is what the doctors are supposed to do. The more you do surgically, the higher the risk of complications during and post operatically.

Do your own research and make informed decisions. Remember, healthcare is a business as well as a treatment mechanism.

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TriedEverything 2012-07-26 20:15:05

I’ve always had pain with sex (no clue how many doctors I’ve been to, how many things we’ve tried) and one of the things tried early on was a check for, then removal of, endometrial tissue from endometriosis. And that’s done with the probe through the belly button and a second through a slit just at the top of my pubic hair (I think there’s a light/camera and then the thing that removes/burns the tissue), although they start with just one to look around and only make the lower one if they need it. The recovery from that is pretty quick, because the slits are less than an inch long, you just have to make sure to not pull on anything. The biggest problem for me was that for a couple of days, you can’t lay down – they blow up your abdomen with air so they can work, and it takes a bit for the air to dissipate. If you move too much, the bubble will shift, which hurts.

I don’t really know anything about hysterectomies, because it’s not something that would do much for me apart from the possibility of a hormone change (and I’m getting to the age where they’ll consider it, FINALLY – I’ve spent my twenties listening to people not believe me when I assure them I don’t want kids, which is meaningless anyway, since I can’t really have sex)…but it sounds like you could do the laparoscopic option and, if that doesn’t work, then go the full removal route. But I guess that would depend on your insurance and such, if you had the ability to pay for two surgeries that involved anesthesia and time in a hospital, even if the one isn’t overnight.

I can’t remember where I looked, but there are online groups that will post directories (or provide them upon request) of doctors with a given specialty in your area. For the laparoscopy, an endometriosis specialist, as other commenters have suggested, would be a good second opinion.

Reply

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