Do You Know How to Make Women Feel Comfortable?

By Kendra Holliday | January 31, 2016

Scared and desperate. Photo by Steve Truesdell

Women deserve worship. Photo by Steve Truesdell

If you are a man who craves female energy – caressing soft skin, cuddling with a beautiful woman, inhaling her unique scent, sucking on supple breasts, touching beguiling pussy, being inside a hot, wet woman – the best way to enjoy ALL the priceless female treasures is to

make the woman feel comfortable.

Help her relax. Ensure that she feels secure in your presence. It’s best for the situation to unfold to the point where you can clearly tell she WANTS you to touch her. Err on the side of caution. Leave her wanting more. Read her body language. Listen to what she has to say. Treat her the way she wants to be treated.

If women are happy in our society, then men and children will follow suit. The happiness of women is KEY to a utopian society.

So many testosterone-driven men think about their penis first, and everything else second. This is immature, backwards thinking, and it won’t get you very far. A penis-first mentality leads to frustration and resentment.

Instead, try and replace that mindset with a “female energy first” way of thinking, and the effects will flow into your ego and penis, which means the woman will be pleased and satisfied, and so will you!

Let me give you a couple examples of what I’m talking about.

The other day, I hosted one of my TBK play parties. As a woman comfortable in her own skin, I quickly shed my leopard print dress

and was running around the party naked. Hey, it’s MY orgy, and I can run around naked if I want to!

I chatted up one of the male guests I didn’t know well in the hallway, complimenting him on his handsome hazel eyes, and learned about his passion as a painter. He was also nude, save a leather cock ring that prominently showcased his projectile penis.

About ten minutes later, I encountered him again, and, encouraged by my compliment, he sidled right up to me and leered down at my vulnerable chest. “I’d like to get to know THAT better,” he breathed, staring intently at my breasts. He stood really close to me, and creepily objectified me, and it made me feel uncomfortable. I excused myself and walked away.

Seduction FAIL.

Do you see what he did there? He focused on his penis, pushed boundaries too fast, and didn’t make me feel special.

Now let me show you a SUCCESSFUL encounter with women.

It’s no secret that my partner Matthew has a way with the ladies. People book consults with me all the time, but if they would like a male perspective, they should book a consult with HIM.

The other day, he invited three women over to his house after a happy hour. One of those women was me (a sure thing), the second was a woman he’s been dating for a couple years (another sure thing), and the third was a woman he has never played with before (a question mark).

So how did he know she’d be thrilled to come over for a mini-bi-orgy? (We had another man there as well.)

Because the few times he had interacted with her prior to that, he made her feel comfortable and special. He gazed into her eyes. He paid attention to her body language. He listened to her. He exuded sexy confidence and calming male energy. He got to know her as a person, and learned that as a strong, independent woman, she likes being submissive in the bedroom.

By the time she came over, she fully trusted him to have her best interests at heart. She was ready to try anything!

So what did he do with the bevy of beauties at his beckon call?

Red, white, and blue! We're doing it for our country!

Red, white, and blue! We’re doing it for our country!

He broke the ice by asking us to strip down and climb into bed. We were happy to take his orders, because we knew it would be awesome. Then, he blindfolded us. We giddily obliged because we trusted him. THEN, instead of shoving his dick in our faces, he covered us up in a pile of super soft blankets, further melting us and delighting our senses! We wriggled and cooed under the soft caresses of the feathery folds. Removing our sense of sight allowed our nipples and bellies to soak up the sensations in the moment, and become alive with anticipation. We felt warm, cozy, and cared for, which totally turned us on.

We reached for each other and kissed and stroked…

Fast forward in the scene, and he had two of us down sucking his dick. The new woman was up by his head, stroking his chest and kissing him. Groaning with pleasure, he said to her, “Let me touch your pussy again.”

And with that, she hopped right up and sat on his face! Not what he had in mind, but EVEN BETTER.

So there he was, surrounded by ecstatic, enthusiastic female energy – smothered in pussy. A win-win situation that ended with explosive orgasms for everyone!

Come As You Are, by Emily Nagoski

Come As You Are, by Emily Nagoski

A book I’m reading right now perfectly ties into this topic. It’s called Come As You Are, by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. She was just in St. Louis a couple weeks ago for a sex institute – I’m sorry I missed her! But someone who attended her talk told me to read her book. I started off with the audio version, and have gone on to buy the paperback so I can mark it up. I keep having to rewind and listen to sections again. She’s blowing my mind!

As a sex educator and consultant, I have SO many sexually unfulfilled people contact me. The men are frustrated and horny, and the women are frustrated and feel broken.

Emily points out that we all have the same sexual parts – they’re just organized differently. And WE are not broken – it’s society that is broken, and we need to acknowledge that and work around it. It’s totally doable!

This article she wrote is a great snapshot of what she teaches. I strongly recommend that every woman read her book, and every man who would like to be intimate with women read it, too!


AlanK 2016-01-31 09:34:55

I’m a big fan of Dr Nagoski (and have female friends who have so marked up her book as to make it almost unreadable!) but her writing can be a bit dry. As a fellow researcher I don’t really mind “dry” in technical work but it makes her book something you read a chapter at a time rather than diving into it. You make it come alive. Be sure to try to meet her when next she comes to town and maybe–just maybe–you could sit in a panel discussion with her. That would be delightful and informative.

Don’t forget to cite her website:


    Kendra Holliday 2016-01-31 09:38:01

    The way she reads it in the audio version is very compelling and sparkly!


Dan 2016-02-02 18:27:58

Comfortable, yes! And, as a guy, the biggest part of Comfortable is SAFE.

Getting a woman to the point where she let’s down, relaxes, TRUSTS you as a guy; and the surroundings you set to make her feel OK, is what SAFE means. Getting her naked is easy after that. Men are on the hunt. Women are hunted. We as guys forget how women are always thinking SAFE first. And, God knows, we guys have given them plenty of reasons to not feel safe; leading to the creepy feeling you felt. Objectification can be great fun if…you make them feel safe first. Seems to me.


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