By Matthew | June 5, 2015
I love to flirt, and women seem to enjoy flirting back. The casual fun flirting is a blast, and I enjoy it. But I never know if they want to move from fun flirting to something more serious.
I’ve tried a few times to make the change to serious flirting, and found out I was wrong, and screwed up friendships. So for the past few years, I just automatically default to “it’s just for fun” and don’t even try to “make a move.”
So I guess what I’m asking is – is there any good indication that a woman is interested in moving the flirting from “just for fun” to something with more intent? What Are Best Practices for Men Flirting With Women?
I’m going to turn this one over to Matthew! Now, this is a man who is not into tricking or manipulating other people.
He takes “master pickup artists” and picks them up and tosses them in the dumpster.
He practices open and honest communication.
He doesn’t have a GQ model body, but he has the confidence of Zeus.
He realizes that not every woman wants to be with him, and HE’S OK WITH THAT. He’s only interested in being with women who are genuinely into him. Somehow, he manages to play the situation so that he KNOWS the woman is desperate to get to his cock. At least, that’s how he played me. For months. The bastard! Sigh, I’m hooked.
Take it away, Matthew….
This is a great question and I am going to address it on a number of levels. Specifically to your question, first and foremost what comes to mind is an encounter I had with a woman some time ago.
Now, I know that everyone is different and situations even more so, but I believe it demonstrates something that could be of benefit to you. This was a first date, spur of the moment situation. I knew her previously but only casually. At the end of the evening we had sex. It was after these cues that I knew I was going to have some sort of sexual encounter with her:
1. She texted me, asking me to join her for drinks.
2. She was watching for me when I walked in.
3. As the night went on, her communication and body language became more focused on me rather than the environment.
4. She started touching me. In this particular case, it was her hand on my thigh, my shoulder or the back of my hand as it was sitting on the bar.
5. She never once indicated that she needed to leave or was not mentally present.
Those points being said, there were a number of things prior to that evening that were positive. Perhaps the biggest was that she would text me unprovoked, which meant it didn’t take a signal from me for her to think about me.
In thinking about your question a bit more in depth and hearing of similar interest from others, I have come up with some Stages of Flirting.
Romeo was looking up, offering his heart to Juliet through a….
Window- General information about yourself and every day life. Letting someone know you are interested in them and attracted to them. Divulging your relationship status in a concrete fashion. Windows let fresh air into your life. They can be open for long periods of time AND at varying intervals. This is where the majority of information should be attained and accessed. Then you can decide whether or not to knock on the….
Door- This is the stage at which you let someone know what you are looking for and what you like sexually. The first physical contact happens most often in this stage. Once the door is open, you must either go through it or close it. Don’t spend too much time standing on the threshold. You want to get your feet on the…
Floor- Foreplay flirting happens here. Planning sexual encounters in detail. You are definitely in at this point, if not already having sex. This stage also includes continued flirting to lead to more encounters together. Just think of all the things you can do on a floor.
The Window stage is the most important as far as I am concerned. I like to let this one last for a while, and by that I mean three weeks at a minimum. When people know you aren’t desperate, they become more comfortable and more attracted to you as they go experience negative energy and drama elsewhere.
**Note: If you are desperate, you need to fix that. Take a deep breath and commit to the courting process. Nothing will come to you without a bit of work. Having a sexual partner is not a right to which you are entitled by age, race, color, creed or cock size; rather, a privilege and an honor that you are rewarded with after proving yourself worthy.
Here are a few other concepts that I think men(and people for that matter) could benefit from offering more attention to:
Chivalry is not dead. In fact, we need to demonstrate it more than ever. Keep in mind that chivalry is not only being honorable toward women, but to everyone regardless of classification(s). Open doors for people. Be polite and respectful. Be generous. Be as honest as possible. Be protective of, and loyal to those close to you. All the while, demanding a certain reciprocation of those values you put forth. If you do this, people (women included) will notice and you will be compensated in many ways, with varying types of currency.
Don’t let technology get the better of your communication with others. It is imperative that you interact with people in person, face to face, eye to eye, smell to smell, taste to taste and touch to touch. If you use all five of your senses, you will have a much better idea of whom the person is you are communicating with. I think there are a lot of people that meet via the internet, communicate via the internet and text so much, that they actually develop a relationship contingent upon a lack of intimacy. Then, when they meet face to face, the dynamic is negatively different.
I also think people use alcohol in the same way they use technology, as a filter and a buffer. We all know that alcohol creates a certain type of courage not normally enjoyed by the user. Much like technology, if alcohol is too much a part of the communication equation, it can lead to really negative situations.
Finally, bring something to the table. Anything. Know what you are good at and passionate about. Highlight that if you can. Be clean and on time. Choose potential partners not necessarily by sight, but by observation if you can. Take an interest in what they do, but only if you mean it.
Love something in your life and something in your life will love you back.
TBK Community: What works for you as far as flirting and courtship goes? What hasn’t worked? When is the right time to put the blinker on and turn the corner?