Handcrafted Wooden Dildo

By Kendra Holliday | September 7, 2011

I interviewed Annie Sprinkle the other day and asked her who her last sex partner was. She replied:

“Yesterday I cruised a tree that was really sexy. I went up and fondled and sniffed it. It had this beautiful strong beauty…”

I have to admit, her answer took me by surprise.

But wow if you LOVE nature, it makes total sense to take tree hugging to a new level.

I told a friend about Annie’s Ecosexual ways, and she admitted that when she runs, she feels vibrations from the trees. The trees reach out to her.

All this tree talk had me intrigued, so I went right out and bought a wood dildo so I could fuck a tree, too. SAFELY, mind you. I don’t want splinters.

I looked up wood dildos on EdenFantasys and pulled up this beautiful lineup. This one stood out, so I ordered the darker version. Visually, dark wood is more appealing to me than blond.

It arrived in a purple velvet pouch. I was amazed at how lightweight it is; it has the airiness of cork, but is solid hardwood. I looked up the manufacturer – what a hippie! He has a FAQ page where people can ask about splinters, sustainability and cleanliness. Most of the wood he uses is found on the forest floor. I think this wood is Celam, a lustrous dark red with brown lines, a hardwood from Mexico similar to Mahogany.

My lovely super smooth dildo glows like a tiger’s eye and smells like cedar. Very warm and inviting, unlike the stone and glass I’ve tried.

The pictures don’t do him justice. You MUST see him in person to fully appreciate his radiant beauty. I’ve named him Tapio, after a Finnish forest deity, often referenced as “bear-king, ruler of the forest.”

Let me tell you, he is a very special dildo. He is the most living inanimate object I’ve ever fucked. I cannot tell a lie, this Pinnochio appendage is AMAZING. I prefer wood over glass or stone. I can’t believe it took me this long to get around to trying it!

I feel affectionate towards Tapio. When I stick him in my pussy, I don’t want to take him out. I lingered so long in bed with him that when I finally reluctantly pulled him out, he kindof stuck to my vagina. I think we tried to become one with each other. To clean him, I just wiped him down.

The wood dildo site has this to say about the varnish: “Each dildo is finished with at least five coats of Salad Bowl Finish, a food-quality varnish. The finish seals the wood, making them safe, waterproof, and natural-feeling. No dyes or stains.” Seriously, go check out all the different woods and designs!

When I play with Tapio with Matthew, it feels like a threesome. My little wooden soldier feels like he has a soul, like there’s energy vibrating from him. I know this sounds really weird and I’m not describing it well, but I’m at a loss for words.

I’m a tree fucker and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

(Photo by Stan Strembicki)

Comments

Hypocrite 2011-09-07 15:32:23

So once you go Celam, you never go back?

Reply

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