By Kendra Holliday | May 22, 2013 at 6:15 am
The other night Matthew and I were getting it on in his stairwell. He had me bent over and was finger fucking me hard, and then he unexpectedly focused on my ass. He stuck his finger up there, then moved on to other things.
The session was great, intense, he made me squirt with his dick, etc etc. ……..
The next day, he mentioned, “Last night I felt something hard in your ass.”
“Oh yeah?” I said with interest.
“Yeah, I’m not sure what it was,” he said.
“Well I don’t keep my car keys up there,” I scoffed. “You felt a TURD!”
Of course it was embarrassing, but what are ya gonna do? Shit happens.
We’ve come up with an “anal forecast” system. Before we get in too deep, he checks in. “So what’s the anal forecast?”
I’ll reply cheerily, “Clear skies.”
Or I’ll warn, “Partly cloudy.”
Or even more ominously, “Chance of showers.”
Whenever we’re planning on incorporating anal into the play plans, I prepare accordingly – I eat light that day, avoid the Indian buffet or pizza, and I pay special attention to my ass in the shower – sometimes I’ll insert a soapy finger and check things out – I mean if he’s going to stick things up there later, I might as well beat him to the punch.
And enemas are good to have around (I’m so proud of myself, I was at the drugstore the other day and the woman working there asked if I needed help finding anything, and I honestly answered, “I’m looking for enemas” and she told me they were located on the back wall by the back door and on the outside I kept cool, but on the inside I was going “OMG OMG HAHAHAHA!”)
And for the record, I have yet to shit on his dick.
How do you deal with anal/prep? Have you ever had a mishap? What would you do if you did?
By Kendra Holliday | May 14, 2013 at 6:29 am
Have you ever had a close call during sex? We have had the following close calls (no coitus interruptus for us – the world is on pause until we CUM!)
- “They’re going to be here any minute!” I protest as he starts taking me in his bedroom. He ignores my silly plea and has his way with me, which includes fingering me until I’m flushed, quivering, and crying out with a climax. The front door opens, he kisses me, then leaves me to compose myself as he greets the guests. “Wash your hands!” I hiss.
- We order a pizza, and are waiting for it to arrive. He bulldozes me back to the bedroom, bends me over the bed and yanks up my skirt. I’ve learned not to wear panties around him. He unzips his jeans. He is ready. He pushes into me and fucks me hard. I hang on to the bed, thrilling at the intensity. The doorbell rings, he dumps his load in me, then tells me as I’m lying there panting, “You just relax.” He zips up his jeans and strolls to the door without missing a beat. I hear him lazily greet the pizza guy. He acts perfectly normal. I’m in a daze.
- We’re at a restaurant that’s attached to an office building. We order our food, then both head to the bathroom to wash up. I paw at him in the hallway, pretending I want him right then and there, but I’m just teasing. He’s not. He passes the bathrooms and pulls me over to the elevator. and punches the button. The door opens, he drags me in. He pushes me down on my knees as the doors slide shut, and unbuckles his jeans. He pulls out his already hard cock and puts me to work. I obediently blow him, it’s fast and furious, my head is spinning. After about three minutes, I wonder when he’s going to cut the party short and release me from my duty. All of a sudden, the elevator starts to move. Up. On the 2nd floor, he starts to cum in my mouth. On the 3rd floor, he finishes cumming in my mouth. At the 4th floor, I’m standing, swallowing, he puts his dick away, and the door opens. A woman is standing there. “Excuse me,” he says and brushes past her. I trail along behind him, disheveled and wiping my mouth.
As you can see, I have a hard time making the first move.
By Kendra Holliday | May 13, 2013 at 6:29 am
I’ve come up with the following Sex Spectrum – do you agree with it? Where do you fall? Where do(es) your partner(s) fall?
Repressed – thinks sex is distasteful, doesn’t recognize any fetishes or fantasies, thinks genitals are ugly, doesn’t masturbate, is uncomfortable with erogenous zones, could easily do without intimacy or sex, is pretty much offended by everything
Vanilla – holding, cuddling, standard sex positions, passionate lovemaking, oral, watching porn, monogamy, mutual masturbation, traditional gender roles, basic sex toys, sex in the bedroom/kitchen/basement work bench/backyard/hotel
Kinky – anal play (male or female), bondage using silk ties and scarves, teacher/secretary/cop fantasy roleplaying, exploring bisexuality, watching hardcore porn, taking pics/filming, female ejaculation, threesomes/foursomes/orgies, advanced sex toys, cross dressing, pegging, sex in a restaurant/elevator/public place, exploring basic fetishes (foot, hair, latex, lingerie, etc.)
Perverted – face slapping, rape and incest fantasy roleplaying, gang bangs, bondage involving rope, facefucking, watersports, forced bi/cuckolding/chastity, humiliation and objectification, public sex (with an audience), fisting, double penetration, pegging, crazy sex toys (ball gags, big dongs, strapons), sex in church/graveyard, exploring more unusual fetishes (unwashed, period, amputees, etc.)
Fucked Up – edgeplay (bukkake, bloodplay, bladeplay, gunplay, breathplay, needleplay, electro, caging, necrophilia), gimp masks, body bags, CBT (cock n ball torture), masturbating in a bible, mutilation, sex in a morgue, sex with a real student/relative/prisoner, exploring extreme fetishes (shit, bestiality, vomit, pedophilia)
Does this look about right? For instance, do you think anal falls under Vanilla or Kinky? I first wrote this three years ago, and now that I’ve revisited it, I’ve moved a lot of activities up a notch. For instance, three years ago I considered gang bangs “Fucked Up.” Now, I view them as “Perverted.” Also, I should state for the record that I don’t think any of these terms are derogative per se. It’s when you start harming yourself or others where I start to draw the line. And basically, the more taboo something is in our society, the more Perverted/Fucked Up it is.
Personally, I consider myself mostly Kinky, moderately Perverted, with a dash of Fucked Up. And of course I love me some Vanilla! How about you? I’d prefer if most people fell somewhere between Vanilla and Perverted.
By Kendra Holliday | May 12, 2013 at 5:45 am
|Sex is like a mango|
Being pregnant was an incredibly interesting experience.
Having a baby was cute, fun and exhausting.
Toddlerhood was my least favorite stage – I felt like a classical music lover at a speed metal concert.
The solid kid stage (4-9) was the best, and I thought I’d get to enjoy it for another year or two, as my daughter just turned 10.
After all, I didn’t start freaking out until I was 12, and I got my period when I was 13. My mom didn’t get hers until she was 14.
Girls are developing much eariler these days thanks to improved health and diet. Surprise! My daughter is tweening, and it’s giving me whiplash.
One night this summer, the hormone fairy snuck in and replaced my sweet child with this half-finished mutant version of myself.
She’s starting to develop. She’s insisting on training bras and sanitary napkins for just in case. She’s crying one second and laughing the next. Have you ever heard about how bitchy trans folks get when they have their hormone shots? My daughter is as dramatic as a drag queen downing diva cocktails.
I picked her up from her first day of school and she tearfully announced, “My new teacher is EVIL and I want to commit suicide.” Then she asked me to play her favorite song – James Blunt’s Tears and Rain. Moments later she was laughing at how cute our guinea pig is, her eyes sparkling with joy.
I can’t stop staring at the tiny pimple on her nose. She has mad crushes on Japanese cartoon characters. This new stage of her sweet young life has me flabbergasted.
I got the book How to Hug a Porcupine: Negotiating the Prickly Points of the Tween Years and have been reading up on how to deal with the emotional roller coaster. I remember being like this. I had no idea how annoying it was. My mom snapped at me a couple of times and I felt so hurt and misunderstood. So far I’m handling it with patience and grace.
I worry that she’s on this precarious brink where the wrong parenting step could turn her into an ill-behaved rotten little princess. For lords sake, I don’t want to fuck it up.
The other day she put me to the test when she asked:
“What does sex feel like?”
Some people raise their children to be innocent, but I raise mine to be knowing, which means I don’t shield her from the truth. Nor do I avoid sensitive subjects. My open and honest policy extends to my parenting style.
I told her, “Sex feels incredible. It’s really great. But…” I searched for the right words. “You know how your favorite fruit is the mango?”
“Imagine you have this mango, but it’s not ripe yet. So what, you’re impatient and hungry, so you’re going to eat it right now. Yikes, you can hardly cut it, it’s so tough and stringy. It’s bitter, not sweet at all. It’s green, and it gives you a terrible tummy ache. You might not even like mangos anymore after this experience.”
I let that sink in and continued. “But! If you wait a little longer until it’s ripe, that same mango will be soft and delicious. It will smell wonderful and be easy to cut. Its sweet juice will drip down your face, and it will provide wonderful nourishment. That mango will taste so good, you’ll want to eat it every day!”
She kept nodding, comprehension spreading over her face like a tropical sunrise.
I concluded, “That’s what sex is like. If you do it with the wrong person or before you’re ready, it can be a terrible experience. But if you wait to do it and make sure it’s on your own terms and with someone you really like, it’s one of the best things in the world.”
She laughed and said, “My mango isn’t ripe yet!”
“That’s right,” I said, smiling. “You’re in charge of your mango. You tell those boys, ‘It ain’t ripe yet!’”
She sashayed around the room practicing her mango speech.
Carmen Miranda would be so proud.
By Matthew | May 10, 2013 at 5:45 am
(This post by Matthew deals with BDSM and part of the Dominant/Submissive dynamic therein. If these terms are not familiar to you, the introductory paragraphs at this link will be helpful.)
So many times I have read and/or witnessed people stating ideas about who has the power or control in a Dominant/Submissive dynamic. Oftentimes, those people are giving an absolutely definitive answer. I say it is not that easy to define and I disagree with most of what I heard.
Here is an example of what I have heard most often referencing the topic at hand:
“The sub has all the power because they can use their safeword and stop the dom at anytime.Therefore, the sub is in control.”
I do not think that statement is logically sound and, at the risk of sounded a bit blunt, it is ignorant.
Question the Power Exchange
|Who is in control?|
Frankly, in the context of which I have heard this statement made, the informants have been snarky, petty and almost always submissive. Pardon me whilst I play devil’s advocate:
Is their no power in the swat of the dominant’s hand?
Is their no control in the placement of whatever tool the dominant is using?
What if the dominant decides to ignore the use of a safeword?
By the way, this statement is also logically unsound and ignorant: “Dominants have all the power and control.”
The questions above are not simply meant to be answered. I have used them to spawn some interesting conversations in the past, as is my hope here.
What about this? I know that Kendra likes being warmed up when she is getting spanked. Sometimes I just feel like smacking the shit out of her ass though. Do I have the power to do that? Yes. Do I have control over her when I do that? Yes. Do I think about her wants and needs before I do that? Sometimes. What if I choose to push her to the point of using her safeword without her knowing my intentions? Who is in control then? Who has the power then?
The words power and control both have dominant connotations and are used quite often in ultimate ways pertaining to the Dominant/Submissive dynamic. In the end, the answer will vary from relationship to relationship.
I believe in order to have a successful and healthy Dominant/Submissive dynamic in a relationship, it must be based around a core of mutual respect, rather than power and control. In fact, I prefer not to use power and control when defining my relationship with Kendra, either to myself or to others. Have I used them? Sure. In some cases, they are the best descriptors.
What are your thoughts?
By Kendra Holliday | May 9, 2013 at 7:38 am
A lesson on how NOT to get to know other people and build relationships. Don’t try this at home. (Details have been changed to protect identity.)
The other day, a man contacted me via SEX+STL:
kendra love to meet you an talk let me know when u will be going to a function love to talk to you also let me no when you have a nude event or something like that…………..!!
I replied to him:
Thanks for the note! I try and attend as many events as I can
check out the calendar and see if there’s an event you’re interested in, I can let you know if I will be there.
Also if you want you can schedule a one hour consultation with me for a more personalized experience
Let me know, look forward to meeting you, thanks!
Kendra! hi. thanks for you note i will meet up will let you know when ok! also is it possible to have a get to gether at my place. maybe a bules hockey game an watch it an bring over beer soda wine or what ever! also like a nude party i woulk like to invite you an 6-7 people you know men women an just sit around an watch a hockey game some saturday nite can i do that i have a town house in south county just trying to meet people ya no. let me know what you think!!!!!!!!!
Normally I delete messages like this, but I was curious. What type of person would entertain this idea, and why would they think it would be an effective approach?
I asked him:
Can you tell me more about yourself? How old are you? Where are you from? Can you share a pic of yourself? Have you ever hosted a party like this before? What are your friends like?
i am 44 i send you a pic i am from st louis grew up a catholic am still played pro soccer i am 5’8 145 lbs. blue eyes blond streeks in my hair an i am soft spoken honest athletic i am a nice guy an trustwrothy. I am single an looking!!!
This turned into a lovely teaching moment for my daughter.
I told her that if any man she doesn’t know invites her over to watch hockey nude, AND it’s BYOB, just say NO. Even if he says he’s trustwrothy.
By Kendra Holliday | May 6, 2013 at 1:24 pm
Have you ever noticed how some men are seriously into their dick? Like, it’s all they think about when it comes to getting off? The penis tends to hog the stage when it comes to experiencing sexual pleasure. Well, move over dick, because there’s a whole other world from the balls beyond.
I’m seeing an exciting trend among my male friends – more and more of them are starting to explore their bodies beyond their penis.
Granted, my friends are sex-positive for the most part, which means they are more open-minded than most of mainstream society.
But now, there’s an easily accessible guide for anyone interested in learning about the pleasures of the prostate. This book has been long time coming – it’s been 15 years since “Bend Over Boyfriend” video series planted an edgy seed. We’re making progress – more men are open to talk about it and ask questions.
Authors Charlie Glickman and Aislinn Emirzian gleefully reported, “Our partners listened to us geek out about the prostate for months.” Yep, that’s what happens when your partners are passionate sex educators. It’s nice for the prostate to get some props for a change – usually all you hear about it is when it becomes cancerous.
Charlie and Aislinn have done a fantastic job compiling all the info into an easily accessible guide. I HIGHLY recommend it. It would be pretty awesome for a couple to read it together. In fact, this book and a beginner prostate toy would make an extremely thoughtful gift.
When we wrote the book, we surveyed about 200 people to get their input. We asked about the techniques that worked for them, different concerns they had when they started out, how they introduced the topic to their partners, and what advice they’d offer guys who were curious about the prostate. We heard from men and their partners to hear about both sides of prostate play. We also spoke with medical doctors, sex educators & therapists, sexological bodyworkers, and other experts to make sure that we had as many perspectives as possible. Since nothing about sexual pleasure works the same for everyone, we cast a wide net and included as many voices as possible.
In fact, I learned some new things within the first few pages. Did you know that the prostate can be stimulated by pressing on the area between the balls and the ass? I do that to my man in the shower when we’re playing around because it’s a fun and different sensation for him, but I had no idea why it was doing the trick.
Speaking of, my man is one of those extremely heterosexual men who has done very little anal exploration up until now. He tends to clamp up tight down there and the thought of penetration makes him feel uneasy. Of course we are curious about broadening our horizons, so why should he miss out? Chapter 13 is a section that discusses the taboo factor that keeps many men from trying it out. Stay tuned for more on that front…
My friend told me he tried out a new ass toy for the first time last week, and it was very strange. For him, the orgasms felt ghostly/weird/sudden/out of control.
I spoke to Charlie on the phone the other day. I told him the descriptions in the book telling about new prostate discovery reminded me of my own personal g-spot experience. It felt strange, numb, like I had to pee, etc. Charlie affirmed, “No surprise there. After all, we all start off with the same basic template, but thanks to hormones and genetics, our sexual differentiations takes different directions. Believe it or not, we are all more similar than different (and the differentiations go beyond male and female, by the way.)”
And he reiterated our right to explore our bodies. “For men, there’s more than just the dick. There’s an entire buffet of sex to be had, you don’t have to keep eating the same three dishes over and over.”
I put a call out to readers for suggestions, and here were the most recommended toys for beginners:
Rocks Off Rude Boy (vibrates)
And here are more than you can shake your dick at – wood, silicone, steel, oh my!
Have a blast!
By Kendra Holliday | April 28, 2013 at 4:20 pm
A woman recently asked me if I had any tips on how to talk dirty.
Um, not really.
I mean, I can do it, sort of, when I’m in the right mood, but I wouldn’t say it’s one of my specialties.
Still, she came to the right place, because I went out and asked some experts for advice.
Midori: “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. Slow it down, take your time. Pauses are rich. Use lush descriptions.”
Amy Jo Goddard: “It’s definitely not about vocabulary, it’s about play, permission, demeanor. In other words, confidence!”
I don’t know about you, but as someone who has lived in the middle of the United States all my life, I love dirty talk when it’s spoken with an accent or in a foreign language!
Speaking of the Midwest, I was connected to Galiana Chance, a phone sex operator and kink educator from Bloomington, Illinois. Here are her words of wisdom:
Kendra asked me to share an insight or two with all you Beautiful Kinders about incorporating dirty talk into your sex life. I’m delighted to do so, especially since I’ve been a fan of Kendra’s writings for two years!
Whether you’re in person or over the phone, the primary rule to successful dirty talk is the same as the primary rule of any successful sex act: enjoy yourself. Try to spend most of your mental energy enjoying the fact that you are with someone who could have chosen to be anywhere else, doing anything else, but instead chose to spend this time pursuing mutual pleasure with you! Try not to let self-critiquing interfere with your shared joy.
If we assume all partners involved like the thought of talking dirty, and everyone is going to muscle through their insecurities and try talking dirty anyway, here are a few tips to help you and your partner(s) explore:
* Start simple: the word “yes” is by far the most powerfully sexy thing you can say. Say it often: when you see new flesh uncovered, when you hear your partner catch their breath, when anything happens that feels good and you want it to keep happening, say “yes”. Positive feedback builds your partner’s confidence and energy, which then gets poured back to you. It’s a happy cycle.
* Other encouragements: give good feedback out loud to your partner: more, don’t stop, just like that, that feels good, I feel amazing, you feel incredible, you taste wonderful, you smell delicious, I love this curve right here, and my personal favorite “please”. (Sometimes when I say “please…” I don’t even know what I’m requesting!) But notice, none of these phrases are complex, all of them are encouraging, and you can use any if them even if you aren’t comfortable swearing like a sailor like I am.
* Let yourself go: Don’t worry about completing sentences or being as coherent as you usually are. Use more curse words than usual, or say “worse” curse words than usual. If you’re so turned on that all you’re able to get out is, “fuck, that feels… Yes… More… There… Right there… OhShitFuckDamnYesPlease…” you may feel incoherent, but I have had a lot of people assure me that kind of stream of consciousness sounded perfectly filthy to them.
* Starting soft but talking rough: if you like to build sensations slowly, you can mix simple light touches across your lover’s skin with asking if they want dirty things later, before you get too sex-saturated to form sentences. Imagine a soft, calm voice asking, “When I ravage you later, do you want me to shove you against the wall? Or bury your face into a pillow? Or hold your hips and force you to go slow and deep?” Even though you aren’t starting with physical roughness, you’re giving your mind a good reason to start pumping sex hormones. Plus you’re setting fun shared expectations, so don’t forget to do those raunchy things later!
Most importantly, talk with your partner about what they like, because there is no one-size-fits-all dirty talking solution. What is sexy to one partner could be annoying to another. If you’re too shy to bring it up in person, maybe start an email conversation: Would any of these turn you on? If I beg you like “That feels perfect, don’t change anything, just keep doing exactly that please please please.” Or if I said after a long slow buildup, “Please just fuck me already!” Would those work for you?
Remember not to be too hard on yourself. If you end up too scrambled by a moment of bliss to get out anything more than “yes!” and that encourages your partner to do more of what you enjoy, then you have been wildly successful at talking dirty!
You can read more from Galiana at her Jane’s Guide Recommended Blog, or write her at Galiana.Chance (at) yahoo (dot) com
By Kendra Holliday | April 27, 2013 at 7:19 am
I’ve had my yoni eggs for almost a year now. I’ve had them since before my hysterectomy.
I’ve futzed around with them off and on over the months, not really committing to them, just experimenting.
(Before you read any further, make sure you read my post yesterday all about yoni eggs so you know what the hell I’m talking about.)
One night, I had an intense phone conversation with my partner Matthew. Hectic life was getting in the way of our relationship and we weren’t feeling connected. The talk left me feeling agitated and upset. Exhausted, I went to sleep feeling like a smelly, wrung out dishrag.
At 3:40, I woke to great thunder and lightning. The tumultuous storm rattled the windows. I fretted and tried relaxing.
I drank a glass of wine.
I stuck my tiger’s eye yoni egg inside me – I wanted something inside. It was soo cold going in.
I frantically masturbated. When I came, I screamed. Then I cried hard, and fell back asleep. I had weird dreams, but don’t really remember them.
I woke to the alarm feeling dreary and drab, not refreshed.
My body clenched the egg tight, it didn’t want to let it go. I had to push it out, and when I did, it was really hot, and some ejaculate came with it.
More tears – this time from my pussy. More release.
Reactively – as opposed to pro-actively – we set aside the following weekend for US time. As in, fuck you world, we want off this high speed, merry-go-round ride for a while.
For 24 hours, we holed up and built the grown up version of a blanket fort, doing only what WE wanted to do instead of what everyone ELSE wanted us to do.
It was wonderful. Truly.
Alas, we were coming to the end of our sacred time. In one hour, I would be leaving to meet up with a friend of mine, a fellow sex worker/therapist for tea. I love communing with other sex workers – we get to relate to each other on a deep, rare level.
Anyway, Matthew declared that he wanted to spend our last hour together eating my pussy.
We both got naked and I got in my favorite position to relax and receive oral worship – flat on my back in the comfy bed piled high with blankets and pillows, legs flanking his broad shoulders, a beam of daylight filtering in through the half-drawn shade. I love beautiful afternoon sex!
He started in on me – as in, dining for life. It felt so, so good…
something was calling to me…
tiger’s eye yoni egg…
it was in the other room…
I wanted it to be a part of this…
I was torn. Everything was lovely just the way it was. If I called timeout, it might ruin the moment. Also, I didn’t want to offend him or suggest things weren’t perfect the way they were.
The psychic call was strong enough, and I banked on my partner’s empathy to speak up, so I did.
I tapped him on the shoulder mid-lick.
“I’m sorry to interrupt, but can I go grab my egg?”
Without blinking an eye, he said of course – phew! Right away, he went to go get it for me, SO nice of him!
I tell you what – he gets me, and he has no problem putting a woman’s pleasure before his ego. He has a female orgasm fetish. He realizes that if you want a woman to cum, and cum WELL, you need to cater to her whims, put her at the center of the universe, and then bask in the glow of her rapture.
He knows that a healthy relationship is give and give. He knows that if a woman is pleased, he will reap the rewards in due time. He knows patience. He knows the way of the mature masculine. He is confident, and he is above it all.
He is a good lover.
When he returned, we settled right back into things. He took the egg and placed it in his mouth to warm it up.
Then, he shoved the egg inside me using his amazingly talented tongue. It was the first time it went in nice and warm. I was impressed, and touched.
Then, he resumed licking, eating, thrumming, pulling all his amazing cunnilingus tricks out from behind his ear like gold coins.
I was ecstatic. Squirming and grabbing, I came loud and primal on his mouth, in his face.
I’m not sure when something different started happening, but I’m guessing it was about
N o W . . .
After I came, he immediately loomed up over my quaking body to fuck me. His cock was red, raging and dripping. It looked savage.
He shoved it inside of me without ceremony, and I felt it push the hard egg up against my insides.
Before I could react, he just started fucking me, hard and intense, and all I could do was hang on for the ride.
With every thrust, his cock connected with the egg, which in turn connected forcefully with me. I have no uterus or cervix, so the end of my vagina is a blank wall. In the back of my mind, I felt a little scared that the egg would push through the wall and rupture my soul, but I couldn’t really do anything about it because the rest of my mind felt like
the sacred cow jumping over the moon.
I felt close to death.
I felt alive.
I felt like I was on a drug trip.
I felt close to god.
I don’t believe in god.
I felt connected to nature.
I felt totally out of control.
I felt scared.
(have you ever noticed that the word “scared” is almost identical to the word “sacred”?)
I felt ecstatic.
(have you ever noticed that the word “ecstasy” is almost identical to “stay sexy”?)
It was like all of a sudden being on a roller coaster or rocket ship, and not being able to stop it.
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD
HOLY FUCKING SHIT
After we came (I think I came that entire time, it was a full body orgasm and I’ve never had a full body orgasm or anything like that before in my life), we collapsed together and I burst into tears.
Burying my head in his chest, I babbled, “That was some kundalini shit right there!”
“What’s that?” he asked.
“I don’t know, but we should look it up,” I mumbled through tears.
The kundalini can also awaken spontaneously, for no obvious reason or triggered by intense personal experiences such as accidents, near death experiences, childbirth, emotional trauma, extreme mental stress, and so on. Some sources attribute spontaneous awakenings to the “grace of God”, or possibly to spiritual practice in past lives.
A spontaneous awakening in one who is unprepared or without the assistance of a good teacher can result in an experience which has been termed as “kundalini crisis”, “spiritual emergency” or “kundalini syndrome”. The symptoms are said to resemble those of kundalini awakening but are experienced as unpleasant, overwhelming or out of control. Unpleasant side effects are said to occur when the practitioner has not approached kundalini with due respect and in a narrow egotistical manner. Kundalini has been described as a highly creative intelligence which dwarfs our own. Kundalini awakening therefore requires surrender; it is not an energy which can be manipulated by the ego.
Diminished or conversely extreme sexual desire sometimes leading to a state of constant or whole-body orgasm
Headache, migraine, or pressure inside the skull
Bliss, feelings of infinite love and universal connectivity, transcendent awareness
He was worried about me (in between popping pain reliever – the whole thing gave HIM a headache, not me). “Are you sure you’re okay to drive?” he asked.
I told him yes. I didn’t feel right canceling on her at the last second because I saw GOD THROUGH MY CROTCH. And to be honest, I wanted to get away from him. I needed space. I felt wary of him, like I wanted to warn others, “Ladies, watch out for this one – he’ll unleash some kundalini shit on your ass when you least expect it!”
Back to that part where I mentioned he is a good lover – he knows how to execute the perfect balance of attentiveness/ruthlessness. He knows I want to be worshiped, but I also want to be ravaged.
Was it a combination of my fragile mood, his big love, the mystical egg, his intuitiveness, my openness to receive and his openness to give? Would I ever experience it again? What the hell just happened?
I got to my friend and tried telling her what just happened but I was pretty dazed out. We had a great time catching up and it was nice to hit the reset button and bond with feminine energy.
Afterward, I went back home to Matthew the Masculine. He was very sweet to me, and asked if I could share more about what happened. I told him um nooo, not really, I needed to process it more, ahem.
Which is what this is supposed to be now. Writing is cathartic for me.
What you are reading is a testimony to Matthew, the yoni egg, myself, god, nature:
From the bottom of my pussy, heart, and soul ~
I thank you.
(And next time, please give me a heads up before you rock my world!)
By Kendra Holliday | April 26, 2013 at 7:41 am
I found out about yoni eggs by happenstance at one of Shine Goodie’s parties. Her friend Dail was there. Dail runs a collective art space downtown called Gya. A while back, she had hosted an event featuring a woman from Harlem named Makeda Voletta, aka Queen Lioness. Makeda leads workshops all over the country, featuring topics such as sensual strength training and sacred yoni eggs.
Dail was hopping around the kitchen bragging about the yoni egg she was wearing.
I looked for an amulet or something, but she laughed.
“You can’t SEE her. She’s inside me.”
OH. DUH. Yoni = female genital region – vulva, clitoris, vagina, etc.
“So what is its purpose?” I asked.
She gushed, “She helps me stay grounded, empowered, tight, toned, stimulated, CONNECTED.”
My eyes widened. I had to find out more.
Read Makeda’s Yoni Egg Basics overview.
Here is Dail’s testimonial:
I love my lapis lazuli yoni egg. She is unnamed, intense and regal. Her antiquity matches my own nature, and it was a perfect fit. Her presence keeps me centered. My movement with her keeps me moist. I am rarely walking through daily life without her. What a pleasure to know that I am carrying an ancient secret in my deepest space, while most folks are floundering through life and intimacy.
I’ve been working with her since the spring of last year, after Makeda Voletta presented with Bling Blam Aboriginals at Gya Community Gallery. I can not wait for Makeda to come back to Saint Louis!
Regal and somewhat intimidating (she has no patience for stupid people), Makeda has a YouTube channel where she discusses topics such as testicle massage, digging on swine, and pussy love.
I wanted in on this! (ok, maybe not the eating pig part)
First, I had to decide which kind of yoni egg I wanted – jasper, lapis, amazonite, amethyst, calcite…
Tiger’s eye spoke to me first and foremost. An excerpt of its properties:
A stone of protection, Tiger’s Eye may also bring good luck to the wearer. It has the power to focus the mind, promoting mental clarity, assisting us to resolve problems objectively and unclouded by emotions. Particularly useful for healing psychosomatic illnesses, dispelling fear and anxiety. Useful for recognizing one’s own needs in relation to the needs of others. Balancing yin-yang and energizing the emotional body, Tiger Eye stabilizes mood swings, imbues us with willpower, purpose, courage and self-confidence, and releases tension.
Sounds good to me! Eagerly, I ordered it.
It was smaller than I expected. (you can click on the egg photo above to view actual size)
I’ll be honest with you – I have trouble walking around with it inside me. My muscles push it out pretty quickly. It really does take awareness and training. I lack discipline – I need to COMMIT to it.
In the meantime, I often carry it around with me in a pouch and rub on it like a worry stone – it’s so smooth and comforting. I like to wear it when I sleep. When I first push it inside me, it feels so alien and cold, but within moments, my vagina molds around it and they become one. In the morning, when I push it out, it feels alive and hot.
I also sometimes wear it during sex. I was skeptical at first, but WOWOW does it enhance things. My partner does not feel it, but it adds depth and intensity for me. Some women have sex with up to three eggs inside!
I like when my man fertilizes my egg.
So these eggs serve many purposes – they are great for exercising the pelvic muscles and they make fun sex toys, too!
You can get them drilled and undrilled so you can add a string or lanyard if you want, but I have no problem working with them as is. They won’t get lost up there.
I’ve used them before and after my hysterectomy. I don’t have a uterus or cervix, so I wondered how they would work for me post-surgery. After all, they’re so connected to the feminine center and womb – was I now empty and unable to connect with the egg?
In fact, the egg seemed to serve an even greater purpose now. It was a feminine conduit, a substitute womb.
I love my tiger’s eye, but I also wanted a larger egg. I got a bloodstone to represent the blood I no longer have:
The bloodstone looks almost black here, but in real life it’s very dark green, with faint streaks of red. (The first pic also shows a moonstone egg I got at the Science Center – I’ve been toying with incorporating it into the mix but haven’t done so yet.)
Bloodstone represents strength. I like its size – it’s actually easier to keep in.
Makeda runs a secret group on facebook with over 1000 members. Most are strong, confident women who are in touch with their sexuality and crave male energy to balance their awesome female energy. Questions are posed and discussed about the eggs and other topics such as birthing, menstruation, health, and SEX, glorious SEX!
Of course I’m wearing my tiger’s eye egg as I write this. Next, I will share with you an incredible experience I had with it and my partner…