Ass play can be an adventure!

The other night Matthew and I were getting it on in his stairwell. He had me bent over and was finger fucking me hard, and then he unexpectedly focused on my ass. He stuck his finger up there, then moved on to other things.

The session was great, intense, he made me squirt with his dick, etc etc. ……..

The next day, he mentioned, “Last night I felt something hard in your ass.”

“Oh yeah?” I said with interest.

“Yeah, I’m not sure what it was,” he said.

“Well I don’t keep my car keys up there,” I scoffed. “You felt a TURD!”

Of course it was embarrassing, but what are ya gonna do? Shit happens.

We’ve come up with an “anal forecast” system. Before we get in too deep, he checks in. “So what’s the anal forecast?”

I’ll reply cheerily, “Clear skies.”

Or I’ll warn, “Partly cloudy.”

Or even more ominously, “Chance of showers.”

Whenever we’re planning on incorporating anal into the play plans, I prepare accordingly – I eat light that day, avoid the Indian buffet or pizza, and I pay special attention to my ass in the shower – sometimes I’ll insert a soapy finger and check things out – I mean if he’s going to stick things up there later, I might as well beat him to the punch.

And enemas are good to have around (I’m so proud of myself, I was at the drugstore the other day and the woman working there asked if I needed help finding anything, and I honestly answered, “I’m looking for enemas” and she told me they were located on the back wall by the back door and on the outside I kept cool, but on the inside I was going “OMG OMG HAHAHAHA!”)

And for the record, I have yet to shit on his dick.

How do you deal with anal/prep? Have you ever had a mishap? What would you do if you did?

I’ve come up with the following Sex Spectrum – do you agree with it? Where do you fall? Where do(es) your partner(s) fall?

Repressed – thinks sex is distasteful, doesn’t recognize any fetishes or fantasies, thinks genitals are ugly, doesn’t masturbate, is uncomfortable with erogenous zones, could easily do without intimacy or sex, is pretty much offended by everything

Vanilla – holding, cuddling, standard sex positions, passionate lovemaking, oral, watching porn, monogamy, mutual masturbation, traditional gender roles, basic sex toys, sex in the bedroom/kitchen/basement work bench/backyard/hotel

Kinky – anal play (male or female), bondage using silk ties and scarves, teacher/secretary/cop fantasy roleplaying, exploring bisexuality, watching hardcore porn, taking pics/filming, female ejaculation, threesomes/foursomes/orgies, advanced sex toys, cross dressing, pegging, sex in a restaurant/elevator/public place, exploring basic fetishes (foot, hair, latex, lingerie, etc.)

Perverted – face slapping, rape and incest fantasy roleplaying, gang bangs, bondage involving rope, facefucking, watersports, forced bi/cuckolding/chastity, humiliation and objectification, public sex (with an audience), fisting, double penetration, pegging, crazy sex toys (ball gags, big dongs, strapons), sex in church/graveyard, exploring more unusual fetishes (unwashed, period, amputees, etc.)

Fucked Up – edgeplay (bukkake, bloodplay, bladeplay, gunplay, breathplay, needleplay, electro, caging, necrophilia), gimp masks, body bags, CBT (cock n ball torture), masturbating in a bible, mutilation, sex in a morgue, sex with a real student/relative/prisoner, exploring extreme fetishes (shit, bestiality, vomit, pedophilia)

Does this look about right? For instance, do you think anal falls under Vanilla or Kinky? I first wrote this three years ago, and now that I’ve revisited it, I’ve moved a lot of activities up a notch. For instance, three years ago I considered gang bangs “Fucked Up.” Now, I view them as “Perverted.” Also, I should state for the record that I don’t think any of these terms are derogative per se. It’s when you start harming yourself or others where I start to draw the line. And basically, the more taboo something is in our society, the more Perverted/Fucked Up it is.

Personally, I consider myself mostly Kinky, moderately Perverted, with a dash of Fucked Up. And of course I love me some Vanilla! How about you? I’d prefer if most people fell somewhere between Vanilla and Perverted.

(This post by Matthew deals with BDSM and part of the Dominant/Submissive dynamic therein.  If these terms are not familiar to you, the introductory paragraphs at this link will be helpful.)

So many times I have read and/or witnessed people stating ideas about who has the power or control in a Dominant/Submissive dynamic. Oftentimes, those people are giving an absolutely definitive answer. I say it is not that easy to define and I disagree with most of what I heard.

Here is an example of what I have heard most often referencing the topic at hand:

“The sub has all the power because they can use their safeword and stop the dom at anytime.Therefore, the sub is in control.”

I do not think that statement is logically sound and, at the risk of sounded a bit blunt, it is ignorant.

Question the Power Exchange

Who is in control?

Frankly, in the context of which I have heard this statement made, the informants have been snarky, petty and almost always submissive. Pardon me whilst I play devil’s advocate:

Is their no power in the swat of the dominant’s hand?

Is their no control in the placement of whatever tool the dominant is using?

What if the dominant decides to ignore the use of a safeword?

By the way, this statement is also logically unsound and ignorant:  “Dominants have all the power and control.”

The questions above are not simply meant to be answered.  I have used them to spawn some interesting conversations in the past, as is my hope here.

What about this? I know that Kendra likes being warmed up when she is getting spanked. Sometimes I just feel like smacking the shit out of her ass though. Do I have the power to do that? Yes. Do I have control over her when I do that? Yes. Do I think about her wants and needs before I do that? Sometimes.  What if I choose to push her to the point of using her safeword without her knowing my intentions? Who is in control then? Who has the power then?

The words power and control both have dominant connotations and are used quite often in ultimate ways pertaining to the Dominant/Submissive dynamic. In the end, the answer will vary from relationship to relationship.

I believe in order to have a successful and healthy Dominant/Submissive dynamic in a relationship, it must be based around a core of mutual respect, rather than power and control.  In fact, I prefer not to use power and control when defining my relationship with Kendra, either to myself or to others.  Have I used them?  Sure.  In some cases, they are the best descriptors.

What are your thoughts?

The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure

Have you ever noticed how some men are seriously into their dick? Like, it’s all they think about when it comes to getting off? The penis tends to hog the stage when it comes to experiencing sexual pleasure. Well, move over dick, because there’s a whole other world from the balls beyond.

I’m seeing an exciting trend among my male friends – more and more of them are starting to explore their bodies beyond their penis.

Granted, my friends are sex-positive for the most part, which means they are more open-minded than most of mainstream society.

But now, there’s an easily accessible guide for anyone interested in learning about the pleasures of the prostate. This book has been long time coming – it’s been 15 years since “Bend Over Boyfriend” video series planted an edgy seed. We’re making progress – more men are open to talk about it and ask questions.

Called The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure, it’s billed as an erotic exploration for men and their partners. You can buy the book on Amazon or Good Vibrations.

Charlie Glickman and Aislinn Emirzian

Authors Charlie Glickman and Aislinn Emirzian gleefully reported, “Our partners listened to us geek out about the prostate for months.” Yep, that’s what happens when your partners are passionate sex educators. It’s nice for the prostate to get some props for a change – usually all you hear about it is when it becomes cancerous.

Charlie and Aislinn have done a fantastic job compiling all the info into an easily accessible guide. I HIGHLY recommend it. It would be pretty awesome for a couple to read it together. In fact, this book and a beginner prostate toy would make an extremely thoughtful gift.

From the Prostate Pleasure website:

When we wrote the book, we surveyed about 200 people to get their input. We asked about the techniques that worked for them, different concerns they had when they started out, how they introduced the topic to their partners, and what advice they’d offer guys who were curious about the prostate. We heard from men and their partners to hear about both sides of prostate play. We also spoke with medical doctors, sex educators & therapists, sexological bodyworkers, and other experts to make sure that we had as many perspectives as possible. Since nothing about sexual pleasure works the same for everyone, we cast a wide net and included as many voices as possible.

In fact, I learned some new things within the first few pages. Did you know that the prostate can be stimulated by pressing on the area between the balls and the ass? I do that to my man in the shower when we’re playing around because it’s a fun and different sensation for him, but I had no idea why it was doing the trick.

Speaking of, my man is one of those extremely heterosexual men who has done very little anal exploration up until now. He tends to clamp up tight down there and the thought of penetration makes him feel uneasy. Of course we are curious about broadening our horizons, so why should he miss out? Chapter 13 is a section that discusses the taboo factor that keeps many men from trying it out. Stay tuned for more on that front…

My friend told me he tried out a new ass toy for the first time last week, and it was very strange. For him, the orgasms felt ghostly/weird/sudden/out of control.

I spoke to Charlie on the phone the other day. I told him the descriptions in the book telling about new prostate discovery reminded me of my own personal g-spot experience. It felt strange, numb, like I had to pee, etc. Charlie affirmed, “No surprise there. After all, we all start off with the same basic template, but thanks to hormones and genetics, our sexual differentiations takes different directions. Believe it or not, we are all more similar than different (and the differentiations go beyond male and female, by the way.)”

And he reiterated our right to explore our bodies. “For men, there’s more than just the dick. There’s an entire buffet of sex to be had, you don’t have to keep eating the same three dishes over and over.”

I put a call out to readers for suggestions, and here were the most recommended toys for beginners:

Aneros MGX

Rocks Off Rude Boy (vibrates)

And here are more than you can shake your dick at – wood, silicone, steel, oh my!

Have a blast!

(Get more Prostate Play tips on facebook and twitter.)

I’ve had my yoni eggs for almost a year now. I’ve had them since before my hysterectomy.

I’ve futzed around with them off and on over the months, not really committing to them, just experimenting.

(Before you read any further, make sure you read my post yesterday all about yoni eggs so you know what the hell I’m talking about.)

It was a dark and stormy night…

One night, I had an intense phone conversation with my partner Matthew. Hectic life was getting in the way of our relationship and we weren’t feeling connected. The talk left me feeling agitated and upset. Exhausted, I went to sleep feeling like a smelly, wrung out dishrag.

At 3:40, I woke to great thunder and lightning. The tumultuous storm rattled the windows. I fretted and tried relaxing.

I drank a glass of wine.

I stuck my tiger’s eye yoni egg inside me – I wanted something inside. It was soo cold going in.

I frantically masturbated. When I came, I screamed. Then I cried hard, and fell back asleep. I had weird dreams, but don’t really remember them.

I woke to the alarm feeling dreary and drab, not refreshed.

My body clenched the egg tight, it didn’t want to let it go. I had to push it out, and when I did, it was really hot, and some ejaculate came with it.

More tears – this time from my pussy. More release.

Reactively – as opposed to pro-actively – we set aside the following weekend for US time. As in, fuck you world, we want off this high speed, merry-go-round ride for a while.

For 24 hours, we holed up and built the grown up version of a blanket fort, doing only what WE wanted to do instead of what everyone ELSE wanted us to do.

It was wonderful. Truly.

Alas, we were coming to the end of our sacred time. In one hour, I would be leaving to meet up with a friend of mine, a fellow sex worker/therapist for tea. I love communing with other sex workers – we get to relate to each other on a deep, rare level.

Anyway, Matthew declared that he wanted to spend our last hour together eating my pussy.

Um, OK!

We both got naked and I got in my favorite position to relax and receive oral worship – flat on my back in the comfy bed piled high with blankets and pillows, legs flanking his broad shoulders, a beam of daylight filtering in through the half-drawn shade. I love beautiful afternoon sex!

I feel very connected to my Tiger’s Eye Yoni Egg

He started in on me – as in, dining for life. It felt so, so good…

but…

something was calling to me…

tiger’s eye yoni egg…

it was in the other room…

I wanted it to be a part of this…

I was torn. Everything was lovely just the way it was. If I called timeout, it might ruin the moment. Also, I didn’t want to offend him or suggest things weren’t perfect the way they were.

The psychic call was strong enough, and I banked on my partner’s empathy to speak up, so I did.

I tapped him on the shoulder mid-lick.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but can I go grab my egg?”

Without blinking an eye, he said of course – phew! Right away, he went to go get it for me, SO nice of him!

I tell you what – he gets me, and he has no problem putting a woman’s pleasure before his ego. He has a female orgasm fetish. He realizes that if you want a woman to cum, and cum WELL, you need to cater to her whims, put her at the center of the universe, and then bask in the glow of her rapture.

He knows that a healthy relationship is give and give. He knows that if a woman is pleased, he will reap the rewards in due time. He knows patience. He knows the way of the mature masculine. He is confident, and he is above it all.

He is a good lover.

When he returned, we settled right back into things. He took the egg and placed it in his mouth to warm it up.

Then, he shoved the egg inside me using his amazingly talented tongue. It was the first time it went in nice and warm. I was impressed, and touched.

Then, he resumed licking, eating, thrumming, pulling all his amazing cunnilingus tricks out from behind his ear like gold coins.

I was ecstatic. Squirming and grabbing, I came loud and primal on his mouth, in his face.

I’m not sure when something different started happening, but I’m guessing it was about

N o W . . .

After I came, he immediately loomed up over my quaking body to fuck me. His cock was red, raging and dripping. It looked savage.

He shoved it inside of me without ceremony, and I felt it push the hard egg up against my insides.

Before I could react, he just started fucking me, hard and intense, and all I could do was hang on for the ride.

With every thrust, his cock connected with the egg, which in turn connected forcefully with me. I have no uterus or cervix, so the end of my vagina is a blank wall. In the back of my mind, I felt a little scared that the egg would push through the wall and rupture my soul, but I couldn’t really do anything about it because the rest of my mind felt like

This is my mind – whee! oh SHIT

the sacred cow jumping over the moon.

I felt close to death.

I felt alive.

I felt like I was on a drug trip.

I felt close to god.

I don’t believe in god.

I felt connected to nature.

I felt totally out of control.

I felt scared.

(have you ever noticed that the word “scared” is almost identical to the word “sacred”?)

I felt ecstatic.

(have you ever noticed that the word “ecstasy” is almost identical to “stay sexy”?)

It was like all of a sudden being on a roller coaster or rocket ship, and not being able to stop it.

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

After we came (I think I came that entire time, it was a full body orgasm and I’ve never had a full body orgasm or anything like that before in my life), we collapsed together and I burst into tears.

Burying my head in his chest, I babbled, “That was some kundalini shit right there!”

“What’s that?” he asked.

“I don’t know, but we should look it up,” I mumbled through tears.

Kundalini

Kundalini OMG

Unpreparedness

The kundalini can also awaken spontaneously, for no obvious reason or triggered by intense personal experiences such as accidents, near death experiences, childbirth, emotional trauma, extreme mental stress, and so on. Some sources attribute spontaneous awakenings to the “grace of God”, or possibly to spiritual practice in past lives.

A spontaneous awakening in one who is unprepared or without the assistance of a good teacher can result in an experience which has been termed as “kundalini crisis”, “spiritual emergency” or “kundalini syndrome”. The symptoms are said to resemble those of kundalini awakening but are experienced as unpleasant, overwhelming or out of control. Unpleasant side effects are said to occur when the practitioner has not approached kundalini with due respect and in a narrow egotistical manner. Kundalini has been described as a highly creative intelligence which dwarfs our own. Kundalini awakening therefore requires surrender; it is not an energy which can be manipulated by the ego.

Diminished or conversely extreme sexual desire sometimes leading to a state of constant or whole-body orgasm

Headache, migraine, or pressure inside the skull

Bliss, feelings of infinite love and universal connectivity, transcendent awareness

Upward sun breaking through the clouds

He was worried about me (in between popping pain reliever – the whole thing gave HIM a headache, not me). “Are you sure you’re okay to drive?” he asked.

I told him yes. I didn’t feel right canceling on her at the last second because I saw GOD THROUGH MY CROTCH. And to be honest, I wanted to get away from him. I needed space. I felt wary of him, like I wanted to warn others, “Ladies, watch out for this one – he’ll unleash some kundalini shit on your ass when you least expect it!”

Back to that part where I mentioned he is a good lover – he knows how to execute the perfect balance of attentiveness/ruthlessness. He knows I want to be worshiped, but I also want to be ravaged.

Was it a combination of my fragile mood, his big love, the mystical egg, his intuitiveness, my openness to receive and his openness to give? Would I ever experience it again? What the hell just happened?

I got to my friend and tried telling her what just happened but I was pretty dazed out. We had a great time catching up and it was nice to hit the reset button and bond with feminine energy.

Afterward, I went back home to Matthew the Masculine. He was very sweet to me, and asked if I could share more about what happened. I told him um nooo, not really, I needed to process it more, ahem.

Which is what this is supposed to be now. Writing is cathartic for me.

What you are reading is a testimony to Matthew, the yoni egg, myself, god, nature:

From the bottom of my pussy, heart, and soul ~

I thank you.

(And next time, please give me a heads up before you rock my world!)