By Kendra Holliday | June 8, 2018
So many men are sick from toxic masculinity in our society. They have to be very manly, which involves taking care of business, being in charge, hiding feelings, and burying their feminine side.
Yet, they crave a place where they can surrender to a strong, sexually confident woman and be awash in female energy and power exchange. They want to be cared for. They want youthful female energy. They want mature female energy.
So they contact me requesting help with exploring their sexuality, but then proceed to railroad me and call the porn shots and trample all over the sensual process and fuck it up. So frustrating!
Here’s a Dan Savage podcast where a man wants to know how to get his vanilla wife to like domming and pegging him. Go to the 8:35 mark and listen.
Dan points out that for some women, this can feel more like work than fun, so he suggests backing things up. For a woman not used to being sexually dominant, a good place for her to start is to think about what she wants right now and demanding it.
But what if what she wants right now is a cup of tea? Will that disappoint her partner? Will taking small steps like this lead them to a place where they both feel fulfillment?
I get a lot of men who tell me, “I want to please you.”
But then, when I tell them what I want, they steer things back to what THEY have in mind.
If you want me to peg you, piss on you, sit on your face, objectify you, humiliate you, rub your naked body while you talk on the phone, that’s totally fine! You’re hiring me to perform a service, and I am happy to oblige. I have so much fun being creative sexually! I like taking care of you.
But don’t get it twisted. Are you doing this for you, or are you doing this for me?
Prepping for a session takes work, so not only are you paying for the time we are mentally and physically engaged, but you are paying for the hour before and after. I have to dress up in uncomfortable lingerie and heels and get into the right head space. I have to clean up afterward.
If you REALLY want to please me, here are some ideas:
Pay for and respect my time. Not just in person, but for all I put out there – all the emails and messages and tweets and sexy pics and blog posts and research and knowledge. If you can’t afford to tribute me, then silently soak up all I freely put out there and appreciate it. Don’t try to engage me and waste my time.
Touch my body in places besides my nipples and pussy. They are very important erogenous zones, but small parts of my female physical form.
Warm me up. Treat me like I’m a ripe, soft peach, not a hard apple.
Go down on me or fuck me for 10-30 minutes (not “for hours”, or “all night”).
Share one or two orgasms with me. Don’t insist I have multiple orgasms and keep gnawing away at me. Let me enjoy the sensations and not act like we’re making a porno. Focus on experience over performance.
Rub my feet and know what you’re doing. So many men give foot rubs that feel jabby and absent-minded.
Get me a manicure or pedicure. Either you do it, or hire someone to give me a spa day.
Make me tea.
Do my shopping.
Mop my kitchen floor.
Clean my bathroom.
Scrub my dungeon.
Clean my sex toy cabinet.
Read to me while I take a bath.
Drive me around. I hate driving.
Contribute toward my travel and continuing education.
Organize my shoes or lingerie. Thank you, David Wraith!
I got you, boo. pic.twitter.com/oR741trVot
— David Wraith (@davidwraith) January 19, 2018
BONUS LINK: A Few of My Favorite Things…