Life or Death Drama

By Kendra Holliday | March 28, 2015

“We plan, god laughs.” – Yiddish proverb

When you make plans and a wrench is thrown in them, it’s usually easy enough to improvise, adapt, and overcome.

I’ve had so many wrenches thrown at me this month, I’m black and blue and barely standing, much less blogging. But whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?

Well, how much can you take before you finally break?

There’s a quote I often refer to when the going gets rough: “I can’t go on, I go on.”

But you know what? Nothing I’ve experienced now, or ever before, compares to what my kinky local friends Jade, Warren, and Adam are going through right now. It’s a true life and death drama, and it is fucked up and cruel. I am sick over it. It’s a fucking nightmare.

Drama: Any situation or series of events having vivid, emotional, conflicting, or striking interest or results.

You can read a summary of their dire situation here.

But you can’t read their story at Kink and Poly anymore. The site, once deemed the Best Sex Blog in St. Louis, has been taken down. I’ve referred SO many people to Jade’s incredible website over the years.

Here are pics of me with Warren, and with Jade:

W and me

W and me

 

 

Jade from Kink and Poly!

Jade from Kink and Poly!

I’ve learned SO much from them. I’ve had amazing adventures with them. They are such fabulous, creative people. They live a rich and beautiful life. They’ve traveled the world and made dreams come true. They’ve blown my mind with their ambitious endeavors. They have gone where most of us will never go. They are the space explorers of BDSM, polyamory and kink.

They have been to my play parties. They won’t be coming to the next one.

W was part of my epic gang bang. We’ve had many fun times with them, including this evening, when W strung me up and I could barely handle it. W is one of the most hardcore, true Dominants I have ever known. He is FOR REAL. He possesses Cowboy Ethics. He has shared many a fine bourbon with Matthew.

And Jade is his dear little high heeled submissive. Jade has endured so much pain the past few years – nipple torture, caning, foot whipping, extreme bondage – but it was all gloriously consensual. What she and her other partner Adam are going through right now is excruciating and cruel punishment.

Jade and W took up with each other around the same time Matthew and I did. I can’t imagine My Man being taken from me, and not just in death, but in an insane limbo – being denied access to him while he is seriously ill, not being allowed to help him recover. Not knowing what condition he’s in – where he is, or whether he is even alive.

My custody battle a few years ago doesn’t compare to this – I was at risk of losing my daughter because of my sexuality, but it wasn’t a matter of life and death.

This is absolutely a sexual civil rights issue. I’m not sure how much longer the fundraiser will be up, but you can still donate as of right now. Thank you to the folks at Shameless Grounds for rallying the sex-positive troops. Jade and her family has given so much to us over the years. I still can’t believe this is happening.

I hope W knows how much he is loved. I know Jade and Adam are feeling the love.

And then there is so much pain and anguish.

Life teaches us lessons, and I can’t figure out what this one is trying to convey.

If you are kinky or poly, could this happen to you? Are your loved ones protected?

Are your family members on board with your lifestyle? Why or why not?

Replace the fear with love. Let Love Conquer All – forever, and always.

Comments

bimotarich 2015-03-28 07:02:02

I am sure that something similar could happen on my end… the parents of one partner are very much against our relationship and would run me out of the country (Japan) if they could… and I have no rights to my children here should either woman ever decide against it… even though I am officially the father on paper for each and have always been there for them in every way… anyway… my heart goes out to these people… I hope the situation can somehow improve… perhaps a letter writing campaign to the family of W… preferably nice respectful letters… just let them know of the goodness in the community…

Reply

Dregan3D 2015-03-28 10:38:54

I’m very sorry to hear of this, but even sorrier to say that your friends are most likely to have a negative outcome, no matter how much money is raised.

This is why anyone, ANYONE, kink, poly, hetero, cis, WHATEVER, needs to have a last will and testament, a living will and both medical and practical power of attorney ready. It’s not expensive, you can get the forms off of the internet and have your bank notarize them. Make several copies, like 10 of each form for each person in the relationship. Even married, vanilla mono couples need this, because even though the marriage might be recognized at the hospital, it won’t be at the bank.

An hour’s worth of planning can save years of heartache and trouble.

Reply

Tom Lampe 2015-03-28 11:20:59

Where ever his awareness happens to be right now, Warren KNOWS you all are fighting for his rights, and is proud of you.

And no matter what the outcome, he knows, and everyone else should know, that at least awareness for the rights of people to love other people how they choose will be boosted. There will be at least one step in the right direction, for some people. You described him as as space explorer, and I think any explorer considers themselves fulfilled if they can go just one step further than everyone else.

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fuzzilla 2015-03-28 11:53:05

So sorry to hear about this terrible situation. Prayers and good thoughts for a happy outcome.

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Kendra Holliday 2015-03-29 12:43:40

I just learned Warren died. Exactly 2 years after my birthday gang bang. http://thebeautifulkind.com/sex-positive-gang-bang/ He was such a huge part of that amazing experience. None of us knew that night he only had two years to live. I am devastated. My heart aches for Jade and Adam.

Reply

    fuzzilla 2015-03-29 16:51:32

    Just saw the update on the Gofundme page. I’m just an Internet stranger, but their blog brought me so much joy. I can’t imagine the pain they’re in.

    Reply

Stephen 2015-03-29 18:28:06

Cautionary tale for ALL who are currently in non-conventional relationships.

I learned this early on, so I have all the paperwork (power of attorney, living will, DNR, etc) filled out and in the hands of myself and the person I’ve assigned the role of best-good friend. No one can keep her out of any aspect of my life, even my closest family members.

There are multiple cheap websites that provide this paperwork. I used LegalZoom and filled out the stuff then took it to my bank for notarization. Two copies, one for me, one for her. Done. If I planned even better, I’d have one on file with an attorney, but I don’t have that kind of cash.

I feel horrible for Jade and Adam, and also for you and Matthew on your loss.

I hope/trust you and Matthew have already filled out the paperwork I’m discussing. It would break everyone’s heart if something were to happen and you and Matthew couldn’t legally be together in a similar difficult situation. If you’ve done it, great. If not, today is a great day to do it!

Reply

AdiB 2015-03-30 08:19:04

One of the comments mentions a partner Rebecca, how is she figuring into this travesty? If she had previously considered herself or been considered primary, I can’t help but wonder if she exploited a terrible situation.

Reply

    Jade (@piecesofjade) 2015-04-26 05:49:25

    Rebecca = Jade (Rebecca is my given name.) Jade is my chosen name.

    Reply

Michael 2015-03-31 16:42:27

This, right here, THIS is why the laws regulating who can marry whom and under what circumstances and conditions have GOT to change. It was only 50 years ago that Loving v Commonwealth of Virginia secured the right of interracial marriage. Same-sex marriage is on the cusp. Truth be told, it is past time for the State to get the hell out of the regulation of marriage and the definition of who may consider themselves family.

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QueenoftheVague 2015-04-20 00:30:00

I really feel like these cautionary tales should be more of a point. At some point responsibility has to be a crucial aspect for every practicing member of this community. I cried a ridiculous amount over people I don’t know or know by loose connection. I am so sorry for your loss. The reality is that we are foraging into an area that the law, and society as a whole hasn’t begun to even recognize yet.

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Jade (@piecesofjade) 2015-04-26 05:56:06

Kendra, thank you for this lovely, heartfelt post, and for highlighting a very real issue for anyone in non-traditional relationships. W never could have envisioned what happened to us all. It was a tragedy, but at least part of it was preventable – and I hope, by speaking out to others who might be in the same situation some day, to help prevent it.

I remember the day of your gangbang. I remember helping W with his tie, and how handsome he looked and how he was so thrilled to be part of your special event. We both have him something special that day – thank you for that.

Much love and respect,
Jade

Reply

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