Losing a Client, Part 2

By Kendra Holliday | August 24, 2016

Painting by Elaine Goble Dandridge

Painting by Elaine Goble Dandridge

Last week I lost another client. (Please read this previous post about losing a client before proceeding.)

He wasn’t just a client – he was a friend and lover, too.

D and I first met over two years ago – his doctor referred him to me after it was determined he would outlive his initial diagnosis of dying young. Now, it looked like he could expect to make it to middle age. With that startling revelation, he was able to consider pursuing adult activities beyond getting his college degree – sex. A relationship.

But he was behind all of his peers in dating experience, so he needed to seek ways to catch up.

Drastic, unconventional ways. Beyond OK Cupid.

So, we met for a couple of consultations and built rapport. Because of his breathing machine, D was difficult to understand, and he didn’t have the muscle strength to move as much, but his eyes – oh his eyes were so incredibly expressive. I spent many hours gazing into those beautiful, warm eyes.

He used a motorized wheelchair and had a hospital bed. His medical condition kept him feeling cold all the time, so his bedroom would be really warm. I felt bad removing his cozy blankets, but the excitement and passion we shared provided a different type of warmth. Even his cologne smelled warm, like a clean, masculine fire.

At the beginning of each session, D would ask a sex question, such as, “I saw this in porn – is it really like that?” or “Is female ejaculation real?” and we would come up with different themes to explore. We had such fun and educational sessions!

We kissed as best we could around the breathing tube. His body was solid, so I was able to climb around him pretty easily. Still, I always made sure he wasn’t just enduring something or have pain interfere with pleasure.

And speaking of pleasure, pleasuring me was very important to him. We found ways to adapt. We practiced with different toys. I introduced him to sensual and erotic touch. I taught him about communicating desires, different techniques. He started out so shy, but opened up as he grew more and more comfortable with these new and amazing sensations. The energy was so good. I loved watching him bloom.

One time, after sharing intimacy, I collapsed on him, all happy and out of breath. He started crying. When I asked why, he said something I will never forget: “This is the first time I’ve ever felt someone else’s breath and heartbeat before.” That made me cry, too. So beautiful.

He was so intuitive, smart, humble, wise, considerate – he had an aura that was quiet and magnetic.

I last saw him in the spring, and was expecting to see him again soon. He had lots of big goals to accomplish in between serious health scares. But overall, things were going well.

Then, one night, his breathing equipment malfunctioned, and he died in his bed at home. He was 28 years old. His family and friends were all shocked and devastated his life was suddenly cut short.

Thanks to his successful and ambitious family, D was able to live life in a wheelchair with limited mobility better than many of us do – he traveled to great cities, ate at fine restaurants, and could afford continuing education and hobbies.

He was able to enlist surrogacy services. Many people with disabilities live on a fixed income of about $900/month. (You can learn more about sex and disabilities listening to this excellent interview with Andrew Morrison-Gurza of Deliciously Disabled.) It would be wonderful if sexual services could be made readily available to more people in need.

One of my D’s friends told me:

“You played a hugely important role in his life and search for autonomy. You brought to light something about him that too many forget- he’s human. I appreciate you an incredible amount.”

I’m so glad he gets it.

D was truly The Beautiful Kind.

And now, I invite all of you to witness what being Human is all about – this is a beautiful documentary series that allows you to gaze deeply into the eyes of people from all walks of life. We should all practice compassion and connection and respect our differences.

Replace the fear with love.

Comments

Joan Price 2016-08-24 21:41:16

Oh, how beautiful both of your “losing a client” posts are! They’re beautiful because they’re heartfelt, compassionate, vulnerable. The more I learn about you, the more grateful I am that you’re in our world doing so much good. “This is the first time I’ve ever felt someone else’s breath and heartbeat before.” Yes, that in a nutshell is what you do for people.

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WD 2016-08-25 01:13:46

There are differences and there are similarities to “The Sessions” in your post. Women who teach, support and enjoy providing sexual services are angels among us. Services is a somewhat cold word to describe providing such intimacy. But time and services exchanged for payment is honorable and to be applauded. This short narrative is a true love story. Brief, but poignant. I am compelled to thank you for your clarity and passion. I have been blessed by an angel like you in my recovery from prostate surgery and have a big place in my heart for all of you givers. Blessings.

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samm 2016-08-25 06:56:15

OMG.. you are my hero. reaching out to people with disabilities is great. I live in the South West Ozarks and saw you were from St Louis. I was wondering if there is more to the story of you visiting the school Brd?
( i would like to Anon ,please, you know how things are in the Ozarks)

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