Protected: Mauled at Noon

By Kendra Holliday | September 3, 2015

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AlanK 2015-09-03 15:34:36

Am I allowed to be scared? I’ve got good friends in the BDSM community; I’ve even taken part in scenes with my kinkier friends. But I’ve never experienced anything that intense. Marvelous writing; scary scenario.

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    Kendra Holliday 2015-09-03 15:50:48

    Hooray! That means I conveyed it well. I feel proud to have experienced moments like this. Thank you!

    Reply

Lizzy 2015-09-04 06:57:04

This troubles me.
(To be honest, if I had seen this post anywhere else, I’m not sure if I would have bothered with it at all or just turned away from it, even judgmentally. But as I’ve been following and enjoying your blog for some time, I dug deeper into this topic, my own kinks, anxieties and insecurities.)

When having sex with men I tend to be submissive myself, which does include acting rape scenarios, but not to the intensity you describe.
I don’t understand how you can enjoy this.
To clarify: I don’t want to say “this is wrong and you shouldn’t do/like it”, I simply do not understand, but would very much like to.
It’s not so much the brutality of the rape itself (many of the actions you describe in Kodiak Attack are well beyond my (current?) limits), but the after care, or better: seeming lack thereof.
How can he feel rejuvenated, happy about himself and just go to work, leaving you alone and feeling terrible for a significant amount of time?
As for you, e.g. from >>I gasp anxiously, โ€œYou canโ€™t do this on the very day I posted Kodiak Attack!โ€<< I feel like you weren't too keen on this happening (or was that reaction also part of the play? gosh your writing is so convincingly scary), but even more, does whatever fun you had really make up for three hours in the fetal position? (Again, serious question out of honest curiosity.)

I get that responding to this comment might not be achieved easily in a comment, but would rather need entire blog entries or even books – and I guess, some of those exist. Maybe you could recommend some to me?
I'll be grateful for whatever response you have for me ๐Ÿ™‚

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    Kendra Holliday 2015-09-04 09:10:32

    I’m SO glad you left this comment! I appreciate the opportunity to explain this post. When we first started exploring BDSM together, we really pushed limits and tried some extreme scenes. This is one of them. For years, we were both domesticated and married, so we relished the chance to explore primal desires and fears. BDSM is fear factor challenge for me, a sport, it’s fun. BDSM is my way of running a marathon or rock climbing or braving a haunted house or roller coaster. I feel proud and accomplished after a scene. Plus, I love the attention! And I love to FEEL, and he gives that to me. I admire how capable he is of being able to flip a switch and play the role of sadistic asshole, when normally he is so respectful and attentive. Not many men can span that spectrum AND know the right time to do it. We both acted in this scene. On the outside, I was begging, but on the inside, I was eager to see what he would do next! Sometimes I come out of a scene feeling happy and exhilarated, but sometimes it leaves me feeling wiped out. This experience taught us a valuable lesson. We want to grow stronger as we explore, not weaker, so we adjust accordingly. Now we allow plenty of time for aftercare.

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      Lizzy 2015-09-04 18:07:00

      Nice. ๐Ÿ™‚
      I’m really happy for the two of you, it seems great that you can share those things and grow in unforseeable ways.
      And yes, maybe that’s it – not retreating into familiar patterns even if it gets uncomfortable, but gently pushing forwards.

      I don’t know if I seem awfully easy- and quickly convinced, but you’re answer just gave me such a good vibe (not too sound esoteric/high ;-)).
      Thank you!

      And yes you are right, for me the fascination of subbing is also a lot about being the center of attention (by the way, my long time partner, who also is submissive when he has sex with men, says much the same ;-)) and being gifted with surprise and creativity.
      I think I will ask him to try and take a next step with me, whatever that might be, maybe he decides ;-), when we know we have the time for after care.
      I remember going out for pizza the night we had acted the first rape scene, which had come up so…naturally, actually. It had been simply amazing, and two hours later I was still happy, also nervous and insecure – pretty much like being newly in love again after years. And it felt just so good to be emotionally embraced and loved back.

      (Sorry for spamming ;-))

      Reply

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