Mercury is Kicking My Ass
By Kendra Holliday | March 3, 2013 at 3:36 pm
I can’t help but feel annoyed. Photo by Steve Truesdell
I should be making $60 right now.
Instead, I’m banging out this post and feeling very frustrated.
As most of you already know, I offer sex and relationship consulting.
Today I wasted time and money meeting someone for a no-call, no-show appointment.
It’s the 10th time in the past month this has happened to me.
I’ve left a warm bed and my lover to meet people who canceled at the last minute. I’ve left my daughter with friends so I could meet someone who suddenly can’t make it. I’ve put off friends for weeks so that I can meet strangers to talk about their problems, only to discover I’m the one with the problem, because I’m spinning my wheels and wasting my time.
I don’t know these people – they contact me and request consultations. I do my due diligence – I gather basic information and check in with them the day before to confirm, etc.
And still, I’m left high and dry.
I get pissed.
Then I find out that their grandmother died, their kid was in the ER, they had a heart attack, they got in a car accident, they came down with the flu, they had to leave town for an emergency, they’re very sorry, etc.
and then I feel like an asshole. A very confused asshole. Are they telling the truth? Are they fucking with me? I have no idea, I don’t know them. But they sure know a lot about me.
If everything went as planned this past month, I would have made the $600 I need for a special trip I’m taking with my daughter in two weeks. Instead, I’ll have to beg and borrow it.
I’m not sure what the fuck is going on lately – my consultation business used to work well for me. I love helping others, sharing my expertise, connecting people with the right resources.
But these days, it feels more like an energy and money drain, a burn, one step forward, one step back.
Stop fucking with my chi, Mercury
Someone told me that Mercury is in retrograde. According to The Old Farmer’s Almanac:
“Mercury’s retrograde periods can cause our plans to go awry. However, this is an excellent time to reflect on the past. Intuition is high during these periods, and coincidences can be extraordinary. In 2013, Mercury will be retrograde from February 23–March 17.”
My trip is scheduled for March 16-19.
Regardless of whether this funkiness is temporary or not, I’m putting forth a new cancellation policy. You can read it here.
I’ll try and figure out other ways to supplement my income. I’m a single mom – I don’t have a partner to fall back on. I have to do it all myself – pay my mortgage and bills, keep my shit together, make sure my daughter wants for nothing. My day job is great, but it only covers half of my expenses. I don’t mind working hard and keeping busy, but I need it to pay off.
Thanks for reading.
Comments
CapnMarrrrk 2013-03-03 15:49:35
No you didn’t. You lost business because some people are dicks. I’ve found as a freelancer, the higher the price you charge the more respect you get. You need to get half down as a deposit or cash up front. This is bullshit, not Mercury in retrograde.
Kendra Holliday 2013-03-03 15:51:12
Here is my new cancellation policy:
http://thebeautifulkind.com/new-cancellation-policy/
What do you think?
CapnMarrrrk 2013-03-03 15:52:01
Well then, as soon as I posted this I saw your new policy come across my Twitter feed. I don’t recall seeing this photo before. It’s sexy hot photo. I’d love to meet her in a dark alley.
Diana 2013-03-03 16:00:52
I feel you pain, money isn’t the big issue for me, which does put me in a better place. I feel that people who cancel at the last minute (unless a real emergency) have a general lack of respect. In the end, these are probably people you are better off not meeting in the long run. I’ve had a few cancellations myself in the last few weeks. It’s crazy! As I was reading, I too thought that you need a pre-pay service. My cancellations lead me to delay working on other things. My problem is time, not money. I don’t even know what I would do if money mattered (but it soon will).
Kendra Holliday 2013-03-03 16:05:03
Thanks for the sympathetic ear. I know time and money problems are nothing compared to all the crises people have told me about lately, but I don’t know what else to do at this point. I’m in an odd position. I want to be compassionate and understanding, but it’s really taking a toll.
The Lusty Chick 2013-03-03 16:04:43
Ahhhh, welcome to the every day life of a Sex Worker my friend. I have been having this issue with clients and potential clients since 2008, and only within the last 2 years has the issue gotten worse and caused me to look elsewhere for financial stability.
The problem with looking elsewhere is that is slowly forces you out of sex work because the money on a 9-5 is FOR SURE weekly income, where Ho money leaves you at the mercy of your clients, and that’s when you start to become jaded and want to retire.
Like a Pimp friend of mine once tole me: “In this game you either eating Chicken or Choking on Feathers”
Kendra Holliday 2013-03-03 16:07:00
With sex work, when a cancellation occurs, one side loses out on companionship and an orgasm. The other side loses out on part of their mortgage payment. Very different perspectives.
Jason 2013-03-03 17:38:54
you’re not being an asshole at *all*. having a clear cancellation policy is important not just for your sanity, but as a way to communicate to your clients that you’re a professional, which is, i imagine, especially hard for sex workers. my own occasional freelance job (as a math tutor) is sometimes treated disrespectfully by very wealthy people (thinking of me as as “the help”), so i can only imagine that it must be worse for you.
having clear guidelines about the money is a good way to contribute to gaining respect for your work in society (little by little). you already have clear guidelines about meeting places etc. for your own safety, and adding guidelines about the money ought not be any different.
in conclusion: you’re not being an asshole!
Frank Honest 2013-03-03 21:21:07
I’d use paypal rather than having them mail you a check. Other than that you have every right to be upset with the cancellations. I do my best to pay anyone I’ve got an appointment with that I have to cancel at the last minute in any professional interaction why would meeting with you be less than what’s expected in most fiscal arrangements?
Kendra Holliday 2013-03-03 23:38:19
Can’t use PayPal- they blacklisted me two years ago for having adult content.
ChasH 2013-03-03 23:37:53
No, you’re not being an asshole. In fact, you’re bending over backward for them. If they cancel on a first meeting, and you assume there was no emergency, you’ll be right 99 out of 100 times, or more.
I wouldn’t even ask them for an explanation if I were you. It’s just frustrating that you don’t know for sure. It throws cold water on your working relationship if you suspect a lie. No, don’t listen to the excuse. Your cancellation policy is good. Demand they pay you out front, for the meeting missed, and for the one they want to set before they show up.
Since you’ve had a lot of these recently, it could be the economy, some of it could be pranks by people who had no intention of showing up. Sexual freedom brings out the worst in some people.
But that just makes you suspicious. Payment up front is one way. I am concerned about you giving out your address, though.
Dr Zoidberg 2013-03-05 17:24:42
Retainers, retainers, retainers! You are in the business of helping people, meanig it is a business first. As Dave Ramsey says, you can’t help others if your life is in financial ruin. Also, $60 for a consultation? That’s how much you value your unique expertise (not to mention overhead costs – transportation, getting tested, etc)? People will pay damn near anything to fix their sex lives, so triple your consultation fees. Remember you are an expert and deserve that money.
Dr Zoidberg 2013-03-05 17:41:50
Also, looking at your website, take the other non-relationship/sex stuff off (or make a new site) and focus on the relationship/sex business. Do you want to hire a lawyer whose website offers legal services as well as teaching Zumba classes? Sex always sells regardless of the economy and you have a good professional niche going so focus in on it.
Mildred 2013-03-08 19:53:01
When I used to see my psychiatrist and I used to cancel on her all the time she’d make me pay for my next session in advance!
I think its not a bad idea to get someone to pay in advance, you’ve established a reputation through your website, its not like they can get what you’re offering elsewhere. Perhaps you should raise your prices too.
tichoses 2013-04-02 09:09:26
i used to tutor- people had to pay for a month in advance, but maybe you don’t see most of your clients more than once? i was asked to reschedule when someone didn’t show for a class session- i couldn’t do that for all my students! my policy was if you don’t make it, you’re out. if for some reason i cancel(i would have to be near death), i make it up. as in any relationship if you let them abuse you, they will. i’m glad you took a stand and changed your policy!
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