Micropenis Shock: An Interview with Mike Rowedick

By Kendra Holliday | June 15, 2011

A micropenis is an unusually small penis, no bigger than two inches long fully erect. Mike Rowedick, 43, shares his shocking account that shows how something small can play such a huge role negatively impacting someone’s mental health.

Is having a micropenis really that bad? Surely there are women out there who would like companionship and aren’t terribly interested in penis/vagina intercourse. Plus you can make up for it in different ways, can’t you? Like toys, oral, etc.?

I have met some women online who claimed to want to marry me because they said that my micropenis wouldn’t bother them. They want a partner but they either have no real interest in sex or they say that we could work around my problem by using toys and oral sex.

But I have no interest in being in a relationship if my partner has to make special allowances and work around my problems because I’m not a normal man like her previous partners. There is no attraction for me in having a relationship when it would just constantly make me feel inferior to all her previous partners.

I would be more depressed if I was reminded everyday that I am not able to give her what her previous partners had and it would make me feel like more of a failure than if I were to remain alone.

Oh come on, no hope in ever having a relationship?

If I was in a relationship, I wouldn’t even be able to get aroused because I hate the thought of someone that I cared about laughing at me. My partner might suggest using toys or oral sex but I would never become aroused by this.

I know there are women who claim that a micropenis wouldn’t bother them, but it is of no benefit to me. The damage has been done. I can’t undo 20 years of subconscious conditioning.

When women get to know me first and I tell them about it, they all say they would never judge a man by the size of his penis, and they are disgusted at the fact that so many women would treat me like that.

But in reality, every woman – when she does not know the man and sees his micropenis – will burst out laughing or she will be totally repulsed.

Have you tried prostitutes? They tend to be more open and understanding about sex.

I have paid over 1500 prostitutes. I always told them before about my deformity but I found they were still shocked and disgusted when they actually saw me. I would often try to have intercourse but I am just too small so most of the time I would end up just getting a handjob and they would sit as far away from me on the bed as they could and reach out and try to jack me off with 2 fingers for a few minutes but would then complain that their arm was sore and then they would tell me that I should do it myself. So I would end up paying to jack myself off and they would sit there and laugh or tell me that they had seen babies with a bigger penis.

I kept trying to have intercourse with prostitutes because I desperately wanted to feel like a man. I hated the constant teasing, laughing and humiliation but I convinced myself that I should just ignore the humiliation and I would pay them double the price to try and make them more willing to touch me.

I would speak with the madam beforehand and tell her about my problem and I didn’t want to pick a woman only to find out later that she was really grossed out and refused to touch me. So I would go into a room and lie naked on the bed. The girls were then sent in one at a time to meet me and gawk at my micropenis. The madam would then let the girls decide who would have to be with me. This way I would get the woman who was the least repulsed.

I ended up developing a humiliation perversion. I was subconsciously taking it all on board and effectively training myself to become aroused when women were repulsed at the sight of me or when they humiliated me.

So your negative experiences with sex led you to develop SPH (Small Penis Humiliation)?

Yes, the only way I could be aroused is by humiliation. I have found that many men like SPH and it is often just a normal healthy perversion but usually only with guys who are still in the average penis size range. I have read of guys who were 8 inches who liked to be teased about being small. Obviously he knew he wasn’t small and he had a normal sex life and he didn’t suffer from low self esteem but he was somehow aroused by the SPH.

Most guys who are like me and have a genuine micropenis that is too small to be able to have intercourse have usually developed the SPH perversion from continual exposure to constant humiliation that they at first hated but eventually become accustomed to.

The humiliation was always present when there was any form of sexual activity. So for some men SPH is just a healthy kink, but for me and others like me it is a mental illness.

I need a large amount of sedatives before I even attempt to go anywhere in public because I feel totally inferior to every other man that I see because I cannot have sex. I also feel like every woman that I see knows that I have a micropenis and is laughing at me. I have been unable to work for the last 7 years because of this. I live alone and rarely leave my house. I can’t even go outside and mow my lawn from fear of neighbors looking at me.

Have you sought professional help?

He said that I would be able to have a normal relationship if I found the right woman. He suggested that I was only being humiliated because they were prostitutes and somehow he seemed to think that prostitutes were not regular women and that they would be nastier and less sympathetic. (My opinion is that they are just normal women and just because they choose the sex industry as their job does not make them any different than any regular woman.) But I thought I would put this to the test. I started camming on heaps of different sites. To be honest, I wanted my psychiatrist to be right but I knew I would be proving him wrong.

What happened when you cammed with regular women?

What I discovered was that these “normal” women, who were not prostitutes, were far meaner and nastier and much quicker to humiliate me than the prostitutes were. This was when I realised that I was becoming aroused when I was being humiliated.

In 3 years of camming, over 3000 women have seen me on cam. Every single woman laughed and teased and humiliated me about my micropenis.

I once had a woman I met on one of the camming websites tell me she was very sympathetic towards me. I logged into the site in a different name and I opened her cam and watched her. She opened my cam and saw my penis and she burst out laughing and had to put her hand over her mouth to stop herself laughing.

She removed her hand from her mouth and just stared at my penis. She then said “Fucking gross” and closed my cam. I never told her that it was me but I found out her true thoughts of a micropenis.

That’s horrible!

That’s nothing compared to this. One day I was in a chat room with about 20 women all viewing my cam and laughing at me. They started telling me I should kill myself because I would never satisfy any woman and I wasn’t a real man.

They kept telling me to cut my wrists on cam so they could laugh at me while I died.

So I did.

I cut both my wrists on cam. They all started telling me to cut my pathetic little penis off because it was good for nothing and I should fully make myself into the big girl that I was and then to cut my throat.

But when I cut both my wrists I felt a huge endorphin rush and the most intense feeling of peacefulness. I took a deep breath, leaned back in my chair, closed my eyes and with the exhalation of that breath I felt all my pain, anger, humiliation and stress leaving my body from the top of my head to the soles of my feet.

As I felt the stinging on my arms and watched my blood flow from the cuts in my skin, sounds became clearer and more intense, colors became brighter and more vibrant, and my sense of smell even seemed to be heightened.

This was when I first realized what an incredible feeling I could get from cutting myself. I just left the chat room and I have been cutting ever since. I attempted suicide twice and I regularly cut myself with a scalpel.

Do you miss the human touch?

I used to sometimes crave human touch, but after years of seeing how repulsed women are when having to touch me, I seem to have gotten over that and now I cannot stand anyone touching me. I can’t stand when I go shopping and the checkout chick hands me my change and her hand touches mine. It makes me feel really uncomfortable and all the memories of those poor women with repulsed looks on their faces comes flooding back and I feel really bad for the checkout chick.

What did you finally decide to do about your situation?

I found myself a copy of MIMS and started researching drugs that would eradicate my sex drive. I found Androcur and I asked my Psychiatrist to prescribe it. I am in Australia and the only requirement to be prescribed the drug was sexual urges that resulted in my normal daily functioning being severely interfered with and my Psychiatrist agreed to prescribe it.

It can cause liver cancer, weight gain, gynecomastia and heart disease. The Australian government considered it for compulsory use on paedophiles but it was considered to be too harmful and far too cruel a punishment for any human so it was never approved.

Overall, I think it was the only decision I could make. There is no solution for micropenis. I have looked into surgery in Australia, The United States and Thailand and nothing can be done.

I am sorry you have endured such hardship.

Please don’t insult my intelligence by offering expressions of sympathy or telling me that you are shocked and you would never judge a man by the size of his penis. I have lived the reality.

I have nothing against all the women who humiliated me all my life. I have come to realize that it is just human nature to laugh and tease someone who is different and having a micropenis is one difference that is life destroying.

Comments

Gabe 2011-06-15 11:17:15

Well geeze, now I’m depressed. You would hope human beings wouldn’t treat each other like this. I have if wonder if this guy has been so scarred by his experiences that he’s pushing people away at this point. You would think there would be some women who honestly wouldn’t care about this, although it’s true he might have to look for a while. Seems like a dom/sub relationship might work.

Reply

    Kendra 2011-06-16 03:51:47

    I agree that there’s someone for everyone – plenty of women have no interest in penetration, just like how some women have no interest in oral sex.

    A negative attitude will repel people more than a micropenis, in my opinion.

    Reply

Stephen 2011-06-15 12:43:27

MikeRowe’s problems have nothing to do with his penis size.

Nothing. He’s chosen a culprit for his deep intense pain, and his penis is it…and to self-fulfill the prophecy, he only indulges in situations where he’ll be judged immediately on the surface, rather than deeply.

We all want love, and prostitutes, cam girls and chat rooms just aren’t the place to find it. He’s starving and yet shopping for bread at the hardware store.

I hope MikeRowe seeks longterm therapy. I promise his therapist will never judge him for his penis size. And I also promise once again that his penis size is not the challenge. If MikeRowe were to undergo surgery tomorrow and emerge with an 8″ working dick, he’d still be cutting himself, finding prostitutes and chatting it up in cyberland, only this time he’d have to find something else to ‘blame.’

Best of luck to you MikeRowe. Seriously.

Reply

    Kendra 2011-06-16 03:48:33

    Good call, Stephen.

    Reply

The Nerd 2011-06-15 23:33:40

I read a book where a transsexual woman got her penis reduced to a micropenis on purpose and calls it an oversized clit. One person’s trash is another person’s treasure.

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    Kendra 2011-06-16 03:54:03

    I know a transman who has a big clit. He loves its sensitivity and has a couple different size strapons he uses with his partners.

    Reply

      Anonymous 2011-06-25 20:26:45

      I don’t know how the guy you’re talking about describes his body, but I’m a man with trans history and would never want anyone using the word “clit” to describe my genitals. I have a penis. It may be small, but it’s still a penis.

      Reply

EvanderS 2011-06-16 00:00:38

I say… don’t judge a man until you walk a mile in his shoes.

I did a scene down in the States during a BDSM convention with a guy who had a small penis. It was so small that the only way he could ejaculate was through CBT… which isn’t my specialty. I have to say… it was awkward for me and I have to tip my hat to the courage of the submissive to face these attitudes and carry forward.

Of the women I’ve been with… I’d have to say that 100% of them have a cock fetish to some degree. The bigger the better… and that size does matter. Obviously if it is huge then it’s not quite as useful… but you know what I mean. The women that I’ve been with often have fantasies of being taken, forced, and/or raped. Of course they have other fantasies as well… of being pampered, massaged, cared for and loved.

Anyways… the point I’m trying to make is that MY understanding of Mr. Rowedick’s perspective is that he doesn’t want to settle. He wants to be wanted. He has a sexual drive or self image that his body doesn’t match… in the same way perhaps as trans-sexuals aren’t happy with their body.

And I am also very sympathetic to how people can sit on humiliation, shame, shock, and that it can fester and get out of control.

So while I don’t totally agree with Mr. Rowedick’s solutions… I can see how he got to this point.

Reply

    Kendra 2011-06-16 03:59:06

    Such a thoughtful, kind comment.

    I am no size queen, but I encountered a micropenis coupled with premature ejaculation once early on in my sexual career, was not warned ahead of time, and managed well enough in the moment, but afterward I immaturely avoided him (I was 18, and didn’t realize the value of communication and thought avoiding sensitive topics was an acceptable social norm).

    Reply

astralgravy 2011-06-16 01:05:59

mr. rowedick should seek some serious counseling. he has manifested his insecurities about a body part to such an extreme that he can no longer stand human touch. just because your member isn’t up to snuff doesn’t mean that you can’ still be amazing in bed. foreplay, oral, and manual stimulation are all things that he can excel at that can more than make up for lack of a sizeable penis. i feel sorry that he has had to live through this, but it seems that he had become embittered and rather quick to judge others as he himself has been judged. 😥
best of luck to him, and i do hope that he can find the right woman…. and the right woman won’t be on a camming website, that’s for sure :/

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    Jason 2012-07-31 16:31:09

    The thing is he needs to use oral, foreplay, and these things to MAKE-UP for the lack of size.

    While other people use oral, foreplay to ADD to their sexual pleasure.

    See the difference here?

    No wonder he doesn’t want to have sex.

    Reply

Lucid Obsession 2011-06-16 09:02:41

I’m a little offended because I wouldn’t laugh or tease a guy about something like that, it’s just rude and mean. That’s just not who I am at all.

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Gracie 2011-06-20 21:53:59

A previous boyfriend of mine had a micropenis (about 3 inches).. he was someone I cared about deeply, and had dated quite a while when I was in my late teens. We ended on good terms, and he’s always had a girlfriend – even now, I believe! Lots of foreplay (biting, scratching, pulling hair, kissing, licking) made sex very fulfilling, and he had eyes rolled back in your head kind of orgasms that he raved about, in part because the size of his penis made cock worship and a lot of creative tongue use easy. I got off by finger stimulation – you do that when you’re turn on – because turning someone on -is- a turn on!

Small penis size doesn’t mean much at all, when you develop a real relationship with someone. Genuine feelings and communication skills go a long way.

Reply

Kayle 2011-06-24 11:00:26

I don’t agree with the assessment that this guy is blaming his problems on his penis. Just like people with other forms of body dysmorphia, the surgery wouldn’t cure things because the scars are already *on the inside*. Scar tissue takes a lot longer to fix than it does to heal the original wound.
No need to blame him and kick him while he’s down.
I also think a number of people aren’t really comprehending the sexual/relational aspect of his dilemma. THE MAN LIKES PIV SEX. HE CAN’T HAVE IT. END OF STORY. His issue with relationships and bedroom aids is not that he’s blaming women (or not) for wanting penetration (or not), or being withholding because he doesn’t feel it’s legitimate, or that he just will always feel like he’s depriving her. It’s that *he’s* the one who is deprived. It doesn’t matter whether the woman is enjoying it, although he’d like it if he could help her…with his penis. in her vagina. the man wants to fuck. with his penis. he can’t. that’s the problem. 😥

Reply

Anonymous 2011-07-13 20:21:47

(I’m keeping this anonymous because I don’t want to violate anyone’s privacy.)

First off, I was a sex worker for years. I encountered more than one man with this condition. One of my clients was somewhat regular. My last engagement with him ended with his telling me that he was seeing someone who was accepting of his condition and that he might not be calling again because things were getting serious, and he saw exclusivity in their future. He thanked me for helping him get to that point in his life.

If you book through an agency and specify your condition, they will set you up with an appropriate match– someone who is not only sensitive to your needs and desires but is also very much interested in giving you the most pleasurable experience she can.

Second, I later dated a guy with micropenis. His size required accomodation in the way that there were certain positions that were out of the question– but isn’t that really the case with everyone? We all have preferences and limitations. Girl on top worked wonderfully and felt good for me as well, and I really enjoyed performing oral sex on him. His size was never a problem for me. I didn’t pity him. I wasn’t disgusted or disappointed. But he never got that through his head.

I do think this man needs some counseling because he’s got some negative thought patterns in place, but he also just needs to network with body positive people, not random women.

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James 2011-07-20 17:51:23

I dated a woman once that said she would marry a guy with a micropenis, if she loved him. I will never forget Tammi Allen.

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Someone 2011-08-03 07:45:54

I can’t even describe how bad I feel right now. I sympathize with Mr. Rowedick – even though I do not have micropenis, I am very insecure about my penis size, but worse than that – I have very low self esteem, something I’ve been working on for years – but without much success. Sometimes things just sink in too deep, and stay there.
I would like to suggest to Mr. Rowedick to investigate tissue engineering and organ regeneration using stem cells. These technologies are in their infancy but mind boggling things have been achieved, including re-creation of complete organs.
Look up Dr. Anthony Atala as a start.

Reply

Nishihara 2011-08-06 17:00:21

Well, like me, I’m an Intersex person who’s born with Kallmann’s syndrome and I have a micropenis. It doesn’t bother me that I have a micropenis. I’m just glad that I have something than nothing at all. I just live my life and don’t care what people say or think. I just look at myself and see that I’m just a human being like everyone else. Though I am different from everyone because I am born intersex and I have a micropenis.

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gil_married4me 2011-11-26 08:59:53

I understand more and more that life isn’t fair, but life is still worth while, and better than dead. The human spirit always finds a way to cope. He has taken a negative and made it a positive for himself. If your going to feel bad about something, why not get some type sexual gratification out of it. Micro or Mega penis …. size do matter. 😉

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david 2013-09-12 05:08:01

Hello, I read the interview with interest, because I am also born with a marked micropenis (1.5 cm at rest, 6.7 cm erect, extremely thin, less than 3 cm).
The most important element, I think, is the mental illness that affects most of the guys endowed with a micropenis, that Mike describes very well, which is the Small Penis Humiliation syndrome (SPH). Being unable to penetrate because of the smallness of my sex, I realized that SPH became my main source of sexual excitation.

Reply

    Kendra Holliday 2013-09-12 07:51:01

    I love your tumblr! Do you have pics of yourself posted on it?

    Reply

DXng 2013-11-03 14:30:56

i have a micropenis and am short and slight in stature. i have an obsession in seeing women of my race going interracial with white guys. there’s a ton on the internet, but my country has blocks it but often blog porn gets overlooked. we have a lot of foreigners so i’ve had opportunity to actually experience being a voyeur watching interracial while the girl is laughing at me. trust, women do enjoy making men jealous. in case you’re wondering i live in Singapore. the women here are some of the most beautiful in the world. the majority are shy and conservative but some women here have an obsession with the larger foreigner penis. i’ve found two such women and they enjoy humiliating me and are open honest that they love foreign cock. it’s real life imitating the porn.

Reply

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