By Kendra Holliday | January 25, 2017
This is a picture of me from the 3rd grade. Looking at it, it’s hard to believe I was molested – I mean, wouldn’t those ginormous nerd goggles be repellent enough, not to mention the shitty haircut and goofy fashion?
Then again, my opportunistic molester was pretty homely too, and wasn’t very picky. I daresay he had bad taste in children.
But this ugly child grew up to be a gorgeous goddess. Here are some steps I took in my maturity makeover:
Braces – My parents could only afford braces for one of their five kids, so they chose my sister. That means I made it to adulthood with one of my front teeth jutting out. In grade school, kids would come up to me all the time and inform me, “You have a crooked tooth.” LIKE I DIDN’T KNOW. I was self-conscious about smiling, so I scowled a lot.
Finally, when I was married and DINK (double income, no kids), I took the plunge and got Invisalign braces. I’M SO GLAD I DID IT. It was worth every penny (how many pennies are in $4000? oh never mind). Now I wear a retainer at night whenever I feel like it, which is about half the time. I’ve only broken it once. Flossing is so much easier.
Heart zapped – In 2000 I birthed my daughter vaginally – hooray! I didn’t want an epidural or a c-section, but I sure did freak out and request the epidural as soon as my labor pains kicked in for real.
My doctor took it upon herself to give me an episiotomy (a surgical cut in the muscular area between the vagina and the anus), which took a long time to heal. But further north, the pregnancy took other tolls on my body – my heart.
It had trouble keeping up with the extra blood flow and work involved with carrying another person around inside me for months, so it started to misfire. I developed SVT – Supraventricular tachycardia. My heart would sometimes race 300 beats a minute, which was inconvenient and scary. The solution was a procedure where they snake a laser up through your groin to your heart and zap the naughty part and kill it. So my heart has a scar.
The procedure cured my condition, but that zap also signaled the end of my marriage. I woke up from the procedure and everything changed in my life. My heart was fixed and broken, all at once.
I considered a boob job for a few hours – Once I got divorced, I took up with a new guy, who informed me, “I wish your boobs were bigger.” That, coupled with entering the swinger scene, plunged me into a fearsome afternoon of considering a boob job. Luckily, I snapped out of it (and eventually dumped the guy).
I love my natural breasts. It’s been fascinating watching them evolve – in my 30’s, they were mostly nipple, with very little fat to back them up, but as I’ve aged, I’ve added more fat and curves. You can see for yourself the different stages in my breast parade post.
Pierced ears and nose – I love my piercings – I get to decorate my body more with fun earrings, and I have a nice little sparkly stud in my nose (UPDATE: I lost my nose ring a few weeks ago, and let the hole close up.) I’ve had my piercings for about a decade. I got them at TRX.
I’m not interested in getting any more, but I do like play piercing! Here’s a session I had a few years ago:
The endorphin rush you get when the needles are removed is sooo nice. I’d love to host a play piercing party sometime! (UPDATE: I finally did this again, with much more dramatic and dark results. I need to post about it sometime!)
Hair experiments – OMG I’ve had so many hair experiments – bad perms in middle school, crazy hair in high school
dyed hair in my early years (from red to black to “starlight blond”), and in 2011, I completely shaved my head.
That was a pretty incredible experiment. I learned a lot about society (it’s weird, especially the men who have bald women fetish), my relationship (my partner is awesome, supportive, and loves me unconditionally), and myself (my head wasn’t as lumpy as I thought! I love wigs! I’m brave!)
I knew it would grow back, but wasn’t prepared for all the awkward stages – I didn’t know that hair grows at different speeds, so I had some odd moments (if you scan down my list of videos on YouTube, you’ll see what I mean.) Five years later, it’s as long as it’s ever been.
Hysterectomy – I was dealing with a lot of random pain and bleeding that was not my period, which was really annoying and made me anemic, so I asked my doctor what to do about it. He gave me several options, including yanking my uterus.
So in 2012, that’s what I did. My heart stopped during the surgery! You can read all about it and even see a pic of my cervix and uterus in previous posts. I still have my ovaries, but I don’t have fallopian tubes, a uterus or cervix. My vagina has a dead end, and I LOVE IT. I have two small scars flanking my original scar (my belly button). It’s so funny – right when I stopped having menstrual periods, my daughter got hers. We joke that I passed the tampon to her.
LASIK – I’ve worn glasses since the 1st grade. I was legally blind without them. In 7th grade, I begged my mom to let me have contact lenses, but the doctor told me if I got them, my eyes would permanently cross. I was SO disappointed. I coped by sometimes walking around without my glasses on so that I would look better, which is funny because I couldn’t SEE. Somehow, I found a second opinion, and finally got contacts in high school. I was SO glad! I mean, imagine trying to rock this look with spectacles 🙂 .
Then a couple years ago, I decided to look into LASIK
IT’S A MIRACLE.
I love waking up every morning being able to see. I went from being legally blind to having 20/20 vision. Even if the procedure only worked for one year, it would be worth the $4000 it cost (thank you, sex work!)
No more glasses or contacts! It makes life SO much easier, right down to traveling, playing sports (ha ha I don’t play sports), and everything. The only side effect is I wake up with dry eyes, but I give them a drink and they are good to go.
Laser hair removal on vulva – This year I signed up for laser hair zapping – I went with Brazilian, but am leaving my lovely willow tree.
I’m tired of bending in half to shave, and razor burn. I have to admit, I was hoping for better results. I signed up for a package of five, and have had three treatments so far, and while it’s showing results, I’m either going to have to sign up for more treatments (they’re about $100 a pop, take less than 10 minutes and are not super pleasant, especially when your asshole is zapped), or continue shaving. I guess I’ll continue shaving.
Confession: I went for a liposuction consult. Ever since my hysterectomy and turning 40 (I’m 43 now), my body has been shifting, fat has been gathering around my middle, and I’ve gained weight. In high school, I weighed 100 lbs, and over the course of 25 years, I’ve gained 35. So right now I weigh 135, and I wish I weighed 120.
I’ve been walking five miles a day and trying to eat healthy, but this shit is hard! So, I’m embarrassed to say I decided to see if there was a cheat code option and went in for a liposuction consult. There are many different kinds, some less invasive than others, and it’s really expensive ($5000 easy), and results are iffy.
So after thinking it over for a day or two and discussing it with my lovers who thought it was a terrible idea, I decided against it. I could totally see how, once you start going down the cosmetic surgery path, it could become a slippery slope.
After fucking with my middle, I could see wanting to tuck my chin, bleach my dark undereye circles, hell, fix my knees… the list goes on and on. You have to accept the inevitable and age gracefully. They keep telling me getting old is better than dying young. Do you agree?
One thing I will never get is a tattoo. I’m too fluid for anything permanent, plus I like having a classic body – I don’t want any time stamps on it. I’ll stick with henna and stuff like that.
So, yeah, this is me, right now. My friend Stan took these pics last week.
I’m striving to be as natural as possible – just a little makeup, no bra unless I’m working, no hair dye (I’m getting silver hairs!) or nail varnish, and I revel in my hairy underarms and pubes. I also don’t tan, smoke, do the meth, eat red meat, and am blessed with oily skin. I honestly think my daily orgasm regiment helps flood my body with strong, vibrant female energy, which keeps me nice and radiant, like Wilbur the pig. I just need to add more meditation, yoga, and a personal trainer. And maybe stop drinking.
I went to the doctor the other day for a physical and he said I’m in great health. I don’t take any medications, I have a strong libido, I have no disabilities at the moment, which is pretty fucking amazing for being a middle aged, hypochondriac mom. I fight hard to keep positive, but it pays off.
Decades ago, I was a maiden, now I’m a matron – let’s see if I make it to crone.