By Kendra Holliday | May 5, 2012
A couple years ago, my dad had an operation. At first he told people it was for a hernia, but then he decided to come out and tell the true story: he got a penile implant. Yep, he was open and honest, just like my motto. I am so proud of him!
He has had ED (erectile dysfunction, or impotence) for several years now. He tried a pump, Viagra, injecting his dick with drugs, all to no avail. Doctors ran tests and ruled out psychological cause. They determined it was physical. What’s more, they discovered he basically had a stroke in his groin.
His doctors offered him three options for correcting the problem: a semi-rigid implant, a two-piece implant, or a three-piece implant. My dad went with the most popular choice these days, the Cadillac of penile implants: the three-piece, shown here.
Here’s how it works: all the spongy erectile tissue in the penis is replaced with two inflatable cylinders. A small pump is positioned in the balls and a reservoir is placed above in the abdomen. The reservoir is filled with saline solution. When the guy wants an erection, he pumps the thing in his balls about 10 times, releasing the saline from the reservoir and filling the cylinders. When he wants it to go down again, he pushes a release button.
I watched the little video he got that explains the whole thing, and was amused to see all the phallic symbols at play as they showed happy men going about their lives with their implants: fishing poles, wood beams, boat oars, erect sails…
I asked how much something like this costs, and my dad told me it’s about $10,000, but Medicare pays 80%. Yep, MEDICARE IS PAYING FOR MOST OF THIS. They consider it more than elective surgery, I guess. Apparently, ED is a serious medical condition that warrants correcting.
My dad was super excited about his new dick and couldn’t wait to test it out after six weeks of healing. It’s even bigger and better than what he had before the stroke – a Robocock. It’s important to let it heal and to take heavy duty antibiotics in the process (this is critical – if he gets an infection the whole thing has to be yanked out and he has to go through it all over again) and shielding his tender and swollen crotch from his dogs who keep jumping up on his lap.
OK fellas, let me ask you: if you couldn’t get an erection, would you get a penile implant? Mind you, if you have ED you can still orgasm, you just can’t get it up. Is my dad being vain here? Is it every man’s right to have a woody?
These days, he is thrilled with his new, functioning penis. He definitely does not regret having it done.