By Kendra Holliday | July 7, 2014
My 12-yr-old daughter is asexual. Sometimes I wonder if she will always be that way. (UPDATE: I first wrote this two years ago. She is now 14 years old and is still asexual.)
Not that it would be a bad thing, but it sure would be really fucking ironic.
Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others or the lack of interest in sex.
I’ve been a horndog since I was about 9. She and I have had very different experiences growing up.
My mom tells me I used to play with myself as a baby. To my knowledge, my daughter has never experimented with that. (As an aside, my mom was 27 when she gave birth to me, and I was 27 when I gave birth to my daughter, so there’s always this eerie parallel running in my head – how DIFFERENT I am from my mom, who’s only had one sex partner her entire life and suffers from a host of mental illnesses.)
When I was 9, I was molested by an older adopted brother, which exposed me to sex early and manifested itself as a hypersexual mindset. I was drawing dirty pictures in 3rd grade, and writing erotica at age 12. I was making out with girls at 11 and boys at 13.
My daughter has never been molested. So far, the only bad things that have happened to her on that front is 1) one man on the internet sent her a cock shot, 2) one man flashed her while she was walking down the street, and 3) one man grabbed her butt in a public swimming pool. Each time, she was horrified and disgusted.
She does a lot of research online for her writing projects and is into anime and deviantART. This means she runs into adult content from time to time. As soon as she encounters it, she backs the hell up – she has absolutely no interest in it.
One time she confided in me, “I have never intentionally looked up porn.” Talk about being in the minority! I look up porn on a daily basis! Porn is so fun! She on the other hand finds it distasteful. She says, “I appreciate boobs as much as the next person, but why do they like making them all greasy?”
Another time she asked me, “Why would anyone want to do a blow job? I can’t think of a single person on earth I would want to try that with!”
Since she is 12, I’m glad to hear that is her current stance. I wonder if and when that will change. To my credit, when she brought that up, I had the good sense to keep the conversation neutral and age-appropriate and not tell her how much I LOOVE sucking dick, and how I did it just that morning! That wouldn’t have been cool.
It did open up a good opportunity to discuss oral sex with her, and how weird it is that the slang for fellatio is “blow job”, since you’re not blowing on it and it’s not necessarily a job, and for that matter, when you’re “eating a girl out”, you’re not chewing on her, and what does the “out” part mean, anyway?!
She also said to me, “I look forward to the day I meet someone I would die for besides my parents.”
She’s so sweet and inquisitive – she longs for passion and romance someday, but isn’t sure what it is. She has also decided that she will not limit herself to male partners, that she wants to be open to any possibilities, including polyamory, because life is full of surprises. She identifies as a panromantic asexual – someone who is romantically interested in other people regardless of gender, but not sexually.
I’m so glad she can take her time and explore these concepts on her own terms.
I was invited to my friend’s uterus going away party the other night – she’s having a hysterectomy next week (we’ll be HysterSisters!). I told her I would love to go, but I had my daughter that night. She suggested her husband hang out with her while I attended her party.
For a second, I paused. Would you leave your daughter alone with a male friend? Could I really, truly trust him? I mean, she is right at the cusp of turning into a beautiful teenage girl, and we all know how society views teenage girls, right?
I decided to trust my gut and leave her with him for a couple hours so we could have our Girl’s Night, which involved Sissy Maid serving us red wine, beets, raspberry tart, and anything else resembling blood clots or fibroid tumors.
When I came back to get her, she was bouncing around, giddy with joy.
“Did you have a good time?” I asked.
“What did you do?”
See, isn’t that nice? Two adult men hung out with a girl and left her better than they found her. They didn’t molest her or rape her or scar her for life!
I wish all men were as honorable and ethical.
Don’t we all?