By Kendra Holliday | April 23, 2012 at 12:06 am
I’m the kind of bisexual woman who gets with feminine women who are mainly partnered with men. As in, swinger-style.
It’s more of a sweet, clueless exploration, a nice bonus to playtime where there is usually another guy or two present. So we, the women, are more like appetizers before the main course. There is not yin and yang, nothing driving it. So we’re more like coloring in a coloring book than painting a painting.
The other night I had a date with my friend Shine. She’s what I call a butch lesbian, which in theory I like, but I hardly ever get a chance to spend intimate time with them. As a rule, lesbians steer clear of me.
Why is that?
Because pretty much all of the lesbians I know are territorial, monogamous, and clique-ish. They’re not interested in poly bi-women.
Shine was pretty much in that lesbian lockdown mode for five years. She was partnered with a woman and didn’t get out much. It was not the healthiest arrangement for her, so a couple years ago, after her relationship ended, she ventured into the sex-positive community, and that’s where we met.
We hit it off, but it took us MONTHS to finally make a date for just the two of us. She travels often, and I’m always so damn busy hosting events and raising my kid.
Dammit, I wanted some Shine time!
We scheduled a night in, weeks in advance. I was SO looking forward to it, but I was nervous!
I was intimidated at the thought of being with a REAL lesbian, a Michelangelo! I love being with women, but what if I was doing it wrong? Oh sure, men like different things, but they are much easier to read and please. If you know the basics of what men like (suck dick! treat them like a King! let them treat you like a slut!) you are good. But with women, it is more varied and mysterious.
What if I made a faux pas, like stick a finger in her pussy, and she didn’t like vaginal penetration? I couldn’t even imagine her HAVING a pussy! Shine had such an amazing male energy vibe, but also a wise priestess energy radiating from her being, and I just didn’t know what I would find down there, and what I should do with it.
I know that sounds stupid, but I’m being honest.
Of course, we communicated some ahead of time, and I figured I would let her take the lead. She knew I was submissive. I’m experienced in the bedroom, but I decided she would be the teacher that night. I would just go with the flow and do what felt right.
She came over bearing exotic blood orange cocktails and a sheaf of her poems.
One of the things I find most attractive about her is that she is an incredible poet. She’s like a lumberjack and Maya Angelou in one body. Or maybe a Jamaican voodoo Queen and a sage gardener, I dunno. When I first met her, I was not physically attracted to her. I’m usually drawn to girly girls and manly men. She was a manly girl?! A woMan?
One thing I’ve learned: As you get to know someone, they either become more attractive – or less attractive – over time, depending on their personality. Shine has the best personality in the world. No matter what I tell her about myself or how snarky I am, she always responds to it with an open, loving heart.
Example 1: “Shine, I started drinking at 8am this morning.”
Shine: “That’s totally cool. You gotta listen to your creative, thirsty body and go with the flow.”
Example 2: “Shine, my friend just had her fourth meltdown on facebook this week. What the fuck is wrong with people?!”
Shine: “No worries, that’s her way of feeling ALIVE. She’s just reaching out. Her message should reassure you that you are not surrounded by boring people.”
In other words, Shine is a superior human being. She reminds me to accept people for who they are.
She accepts me for who I am – a fumbling, dorky sex goddess who is on an uncertain journey.
I am so grateful that I can post this rambling tangent, and it does not offend her. So many people are so sensitive and easily offended. Certain words will trigger, or a poorly chosen phrase will be taken the wrong way.
Back to our night together.
We were sitting on the couch, drinking cocktails. I was talking and talking, which is what I often do. When I am with a woman like me, we talk until we are worn out. Neither one of us makes a move, and we part ways without mashing together, a little frustrated. OR we get really drunk because we’re not sure how to transition to the sex part, and we finally mash together drunkenly, which is not ideal.
This time, we had a couple cocktails, and I was babbling away, when all of a sudden, Shine cut me off. “You know, I could sit and listen to you talk all night, but I’m going to kiss you now.”
I shut up and set down my drink.
THANK YOU! I prayed silently.
She took control.
She owned me, the situation, the evening. She did so in a very slow, sensual way, with lots of eye contact and tenderness. I’m used to men who move fast, stripping off clothes in a business-like manner.
As we made out on the couch, I reminded myself to go with the flow and do what feels right, so I explored her body tentatively as she seduced me. I really liked her body, her curves, her quiet strength. I love her she has super long dreadlocks that are piled on top of her head, and as the evening progresses, she literally lets her hair down, and it spills everywhere like a bewitching waterfall. Medusa casting spells.
I did not turn to stone.
It was not awkward.
She gave me guidance, right back to the candlelit bedroom, which I appreciated. I felt safe, like there was no wrong answer.
I LOVED when we spooned and fingered each other. She fucked me from behind. I love that we used lube when we wanted; often with a new partner I have a hard time breaking for lube.
I love that she had no sperm. We did not use toys – this time.
We explored with our mouths and hands. She had so much more boobage than me. She had tattoos that told stories. She had a pussy down there. I touched it. I licked it. Of course I came, but so did she! She was intense, earthy, sexy.
I could see us having sex with other people sometime, or by ourselves again. I’m excited at all the possibilities. I very much want to spend time with her again soon.
After we had sex, as part of the afterglow, she read me some of her poems. I love when she reads, I love her voice and how it carries. Very sexy, important, pleasant sounding voice. Confident and commanding. She only speaks the truth.
Here is an excerpt from one of the poems she read to me:
Know this: no matter what
(chaos, horror, despair) happens
some days you will rise and walk the earth
and be the Strongest Thing
you’ve ever seen.