My Pre-Hysterectomy Surgery Exam

Medical Pin-Up!

The other day I had my pre-hysterectomy exam, and Matthew accompanied me. After all, I possess his favorite pussy in the world, and he wants to make sure it’s in good hands!

I sat on the exam table and he sat in a corner. When the doctor walked in, Matthew stood up and loomed over him.

“I brought my partner,” I told the doctor.

“You mean your posse!” he quipped, shaking his hand.

I brought a whole page of questions to go over with the doctor. He was so nice to hang out with us and answer all of them.

My most pressing questions had to do with sex after surgery.

GUESS WHAT! I learned great news!

I CAN HAVE AS MUCH SEX AS I WANT after surgery, whenever I’m up for it!

The only limitation is I can’t have anything inside my vagina for 4-6 weeks.

Other than that, we can do oral, I can get aroused, use a vibrator, we can do breast and body play, I can have as many orgasms as I want! I can watch Matthew and Lana have sex – she’s going to be my surrogate pussy while I’m out of commission! (I have some wicked fantasies in mind, let’s see if they play out!)

As soon as we found out the good news, Matthew stood up as if to leave and jokingly said, “Well my work here is done.”

The doctor shot back, “Hardly! Your work is just beginning!”

The surgery is on September 6.

He described it to us, and I have to say, I’m REALLY glad I’ll be unconscious for it!

They’re going to insert an IV and catheter, then administer the anesthesia. Once I’m out, they inflate my belly with gas to clear other organs. It sure would suck if they nicked my bowel or bladder! He’ll cut a small hole in my belly button and insert a cannula. They’ll have a camera and tiny harmonic sharp things to work with. They’ll also cut two small holes on either side of my belly so they have room to work.

The surgery will take a couple hours.

After that, I have to wear compression stockings and recover overnight in the hospital. I’ll have to take it easy for a few weeks. I’ll probably work from  home for a while, and won’t be able to lift anything heavy or run around.

I HAVE AN EXCUSE TO TAKE IT EASY.

Let me take you through my exam – I’m sure you’ve always wanted to peep on something like this, right??

Here I am, feet in the footrests, ass to the edge of the table.

I'm ready for my closeup.

Next, he gave me a breast exam.

Do a monthly self-check on your breasts!

Then he moved to my nether regions. (Don’t you hate when they call it that in romance novels?)

He's going in!

Below, he’s taking a tissue culture of my soon-to-be-gone cervix. Look at me clutch my pearls! I’m surprised he didn’t get a pic of me biting my hand. I was doing that a lot. Would you believe I tested negative for HPV? If it’s estimated that 80% of the population will get it, so how is that possible?! I’ve had sex with hundreds of people! I guess safer sex works for me – I still haven’t gotten a single STI. Unbelievable. As Germaine Greer said, “it makes me feel like an Arctic explorer who has never had frostbite.”

That facial expression is typical in this position.

OK, so do you want to see my cervix? If not, DON’T SCROLL DOWN. Look at this cute little uterus my friend knit for me instead:

My new mascot!

Since it was going away soon and heading for that big biohazard bin in the sky, I REALLY wanted a pic of the little love doughnut, along with my uterus and fallopian tubes (the doc said removing fallopian tubes reduces the chances of ovarian cancer, even if you hang on to your ovaries!) I had a pic of my cervix taken back in April at a Pussy Party, but the photographer never got around to sharing the pics. So, I was forced to broach the subject here.

Embarrassed, I asked the doc, “Um, do you think, would it be possible, would you mind, um, if I got a pic of my cervix?”

He was totally cool with it! He even lined the light up and helped Matthew get a good shot. At first, it had milky secretions on it (eww!) but he swiped it clean for the shot. He had to crank the speculum open extra wide, which was uncomfortable, but you know what they say about suffering for art.

TA DA!

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At your cervix!

After we got the shot, he told us, “Now don’t go posting that on facebook.”

I giggled nervously. If he only knew!