Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex

By Kendra Holliday | August 11, 2015

“Can I borrow that book when you’re done reading it?”

I can’t tell you how many people asked me that question as I carried Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex, by Joan Price around with me for weeks.

I absolutely adore Joan Price. She is a passionate advocate of living life to its fullest. She teaches ageless sexuality and doesn’t hold back when it comes to sharing tips for living a more fulfilling, sensual life. She boldly pushes past societal barriers, and she does so in a loving, accepting, joyfully positive manner.

Thank goodness SOMEONE is talking about senior sexuality, because guess what? Not everyone is obssessed with young, inexperienced hardbodies.

My friend David Wraith is attracted to older women.

My partner Matthew is into older women. He loves how in touch with their bodies they are. “They know what they want.”

This guy I just met was into women in their 40’s when he was 20, and now that he’s 40, is into women in their 60’s. He craves the seasoned softness of their flesh.

Even my 15-year-old asexual daughter expressed interest in learning about senior sexuality – “I think it’s good for seniors to be having sex,” she said matter-of-factly, “but I don’t really want to watch it.”

Naked at Our Age, by Joan Price

“Oh for goodness sake! You don’t want to watch ANYONE having sex!” I exclaimed with a laugh.

“True,” she agreed.

Here’s the thing – I have huge respect and admiration for people older than me. I’m 42. I’ve always been attracted to little old men. In fact, I have a huge crush on my partner’s grandfather, a wiry pistol in his 80’s who could probably hogtie you with barbed wire before you even had a chance to cry “Grandpa.”

My oldest sexual partner was 92 years old, He hadn’t had sex for more than 20 years, and he assumed his parts would still work. They didn’t. His penis had vanished from years of neglect.

The saying is true: USE IT OR LOSE IT.

I watched a documentary on Anna Nicole Smith and everyone interviewed in it talked about how disgusting it was that she married a man 63 years older than her. I find that judgmental attitude distasteful.

My friend, who is 72 years old, just experienced his first threesome. He said it was as good as he imagined it would be (it’s been one of his fantasies since he was a teenager!), but he readily admitted it was a lot of work, and that in general, he prefers one-on-one sex.

Naked at Our Age covers all kinds of topics I have yet to personally experience myself – cancer, death of a partner, menopause, decreased vaginal elasticity, Alzheimer’s…I was extremely interested to find out more about these things, and wonder which I’ll have to deal with someday. It’s good to equip yourself with knowledge on what to expect.

In addition to all the basics (erectile dysfunction, overcoming shame, practicing safer sex), I was extremely surprised and pleased to see that Joan covered less conventional topics as well – each with its own chapter that can be easily skipped if it’s not your thing. Topics such as paying for sex, BDSM, gay life, and open relationships are discussed with refreshing candor.

Joan features advice from dozens of experts, but my favorite part of the book was reading personal accounts of individuals interviewed. Each was more fascinating than the last! I experienced so many emotions with every turn of the page – sadness, surprise, hope, inspiration…

David, age 70: “Our open marriage is the center of a large wheel with long spokes radiating out from the hub. The spokes represent the people who contribute to the hub. Our love for each other expands with each contributing experience…I don’t own this beautiful woman, and she has chosen to live with me. So it is a pleasure to share her with other nice men whom I know and like. She feels pride in sharing me with women whom she respects…”

Frank, age 58: “I joined an online virtual world called Seond Life. Second Life offers a bloodless, disease-free way to explore fantasies anonymously, which has a liberating effect. Through a combination of cybersex, suspension of belief, and mutual masturbation, I have had sexual encounters with more than 250 female avatars.”

Becca, age 70: “I have many tips for wading into the Senior Internet Dating Pool. Does a man describe himself in his profile as ‘old-fashioned’? That’s code for ‘I want a woman without any needs of her own, whose biggest joy is seeing to my every wish.'”

While reading this book, my guinea pig died. I’m embarrassed at how sad that made me – I bawled several times throughout the week. I miss his spunky little spirit and companionship. It made me realize how earth-shattering it would be to lose a longtime lover as so many people have.

Joan does her best to describe the loss of her husband, Robert, to cancer:

“I wailed, I screamed, I keened. I exploded in great, ripping waves of crying that felt like I was vomiting tears uncontrollably from my gut. My heart was being sawed to pieces. Those of you who have experienced the loss of your great love know what I’m talking about.”

I tell you what – ever since I read this book I have been even more appreciative of my partner. He is the love of my life. I am savoring every moment we have, and hope for many more years of incredible sex and intimacy with him. Please, don’t take your loved ones for granted.

I learned so much from this book. I found it so eye-opening and inspiring. One thing I would have liked to have seen covered more is the practice of tantra – that’s totally a trick I have up my sleeve for later in life when I’m not feeling as agile and energetic, yet still crave deep connection and intimacy with my lover.

You’ll be glad to know that I’m donating my copy of the book to Shameless Grounds Sexuality Library, so you can check it out there!

I’d like to close with this beautiful work of art, created by Joan’s late husband, Robert Rice. His beatific presence was felt throughout the book, and he offered these closing lines:

“We elders who have lived a long, sexually active life are among the best resources on sexuality for younger people, because what we have to teach is tempered by wisdom more than libido.”

Comments

Colin Sphincter 2011-08-18 12:21:56

It is our unacknowledged fear of death that makes us crave youth and abhor the aged. That being said, I am a better fuck now than in my 20s and 30s. Hopefully everyone can say the same. The mind is ever willing even when the flesh grows weak.

Reply

Joan Price 2011-08-18 13:24:25

Kendra, what a fabulous review! I love how you talk about how you were affected personally by Naked at Our Age, and the way you weave your own emotions through your review. I’m glad you loved the stories that people sent me — that’s my favorite part, too.

I appreciate, too, that you honor and relate to the grieving parts of this book and used Robert’s words and art to close your review.

I just love this whole review, thank you.

I’d like your readers to know that I have a blog about sex & aging, too: http://www.NakedAtOurAge.com

Reply

kat&mark 2015-08-12 09:08:59

still learning… still exploring… still expanding…
still fun!

Reply

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