By Kendra Holliday | July 18, 2012 at 6:11 am
WARNING: WEBSITE VERY SLIPPERY TODAY. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.
I DON’T THINK I CAN WRITE THIS REVIEW WITHOUT USING ALL CAPS. (deep breath) OK, I’ll try. Here goes…
Remember this post: Beast emailed me this porn clip featuring “nuru massage” and said.
“This is absolutely going to happen.”
It finally did.
Back then, we had no idea what this Nuru gel was all about. We wondered if it was a gimmick. Just look at the comments in the original post. Surely it wasn’t as fantastic and flawless as the website claimed:
“The nuru gel is made from deep seaweed (Nori) and is transparent, tasteless, odorless, extremely slippery and smooth.”
But hey – guess what?
It was amazing. Incredible. Exceeded expectations. It made for a very special evening. It’s like a spa workshop for couples. It was like an adult waterpark. It was JUST LIKE THE VIDEOS. Except I’m not a super hot Asian chick.
Here’s what you need to do:
That’s right, snatch up that boring ugly looking bottle. Don’t judge a book by its cover. Might as well get two while you’re at it, cuz you’ll want to do it again in a couple months. Or sooner if you get really turned on touching flesh like you’re a blind person who just got out of solitary confinement. Or like you’re a starving lion and your partner is a steakumm. Or like you’re an over-the-top hedonist sensualist at the Playboy mansion with a bottle of Viagra.
This stuff is perfect for vanilla couples and kinkster orgies.
Set aside an afternoon/evening. This is an event, people. Better than a wedding. Better than the Country Music Awards. Better than Christmas (ESPECIALLY if you’re Jewish.)
Here is what we did:
We went to a lovely late afternoon summer cocktail party at a country mansion.
We got home around 6pm and drew a spa bath. Made sure the place was warm. Lit candles. Put on sweet music. Laid out towels. Shaved each other’s junk. Turned on the jets and soaked in the hot fragrant water dreamily.
We got out but didn’t towel off. We moved to the dimly lit kitchen. There we had a twin mattress with waterproof cover set up with towels nearby. You can use an air mattress. (There’s a how to section on the Nuru website, and you can buy related products.) Before the bath, we put the 16 oz bottle of Nuru gel in some warm water, then poured it in a wooden bowl. We added some warm water to it, but not too much – too much water will kill the slippery factor. Maybe 1/2 cup? We wondered if the gel concoction would be enough, and it turned out to be more than enough.
We turned on the video camera. Definitely wanted to immortalize this big fantasy moment. Then he laid on the mattress and I straddled him. Reaching into the Nuru gel, I pulled up handfuls and dripped it over us. It felt great, not slimy, but slippery. It had no taste or smell, not tacky at all.
Adequately lubed, I went to town on him. I rubbed my body all over his. I sat on his face. I slid down his body whooosh! and sucked his cock. I giggled. We felt so relaxed and playful.
Having lube all over our bodies was like we were human-size genitals. Sex took on a bigger scope and dimension, because our sensual playground felt so expanded.
I wondered if I’d slip right off him and smash into a kitchen cabinet, but nothing awkward happened. It was just pure delight. I beamed down into his face and glowed with love. I undulated. I sighed.
And oh my god, he was in hog heaven. I could have punched him in the nose and he wouldn’t have noticed. Instead, I massaged and worshiped him like he was King Neptune. I’ve never seen him so supremely blissed out. I mean, I NEVER see him with that stupefied look on his face!
Finally, after much teasing, I slid down on his raging lubed cock. I rode him that way, then reverse cowgirl, then turned back around and kissed him deeply, gazed into his eyes. “I love you…”
Together we rode this big, warm slippery wave. It was hard to hold on! I grabbed the towel under his head for leverage. We were surfing in the kitchen. We were on a $50 paradise cruise. We were one. We came intensely together, and it was perfection.
After we came back down to earth, we considered cleanup. We were surprised at how easy it was! Hosed the mattress cover off in backyard. Didn’t slip and fall on our ass. We showered together and plain water made it slippery again, but adding soap rinsed it right off. Good thing, cuz look at this monster seaweed!
We can’t WAIT to do it again. The only thing that would make it hotter would be adding more people to the party! But a massage for two is certainly the way to go if you want to get seriously intimate and reconnect. Such a great way to celebrate your bodies and each other!
This should be a new American fad. EVERYONE should check this out. You’d think this post is a paid infomercial, but it’s not. It’s just another one of those awesome things I’m crazy about, like Hitachi Magic Wand or Maker’s Mark Whisky.
PS: It was fun watching the video later – sensual and celebratory. Loved watching my gleamiing curves, huge smile, and our simultaneous orgasm from a different perspective.