Out About Being a Sex Worker
By Kendra Holliday | May 14, 2012 at 6:19 am
Workin' it! Photo by Connie LaFlam
I received an interesting letter the other day:
Dear Kendra,
I was reading an article on your website where you talked about what life was like for you when you lost your job and the whole legal issues with your marriage. I was going through the list of jobs you have done to pay your bills and one caught my attention: ‘sex work’.
What was your thought about being a sex worker before you actually found yourself in the profession and now that you’ve been through that what do you think of it?
Was it an easy transition for you to make?
I’m glad that you have a job now and can pay your bills and take care of other things but I was wondering if you could make more money being a sex worker, would you leave you current job?”
Such a good question!
Well, here’s the long and short of it: I have a full-time job that pays $15/hour. After taxes and benefits, that makes each paycheck about $900. My monthly expenses are about $2500.
That means I need a part-time job to supplement my income. It’s hard to swing that when you have a kid, as your schedule needs to remain flexible. I do some writing and consulting gigs, but to be honest with you, I couldn’t get by without a couple of intimate sessions a month.
In other words, I still do sex work.
I tell you what – I love having the best of both worlds – a steady paycheck, direct deposit, benefits – as well as an unconventional, sexy lifestyle. I personally wouldn’t want to do sex work, aka healing/whoring/helping more than a couple times a month. For one thing, it’s giving a lot of yourself – mentally and physically. For another, it’s unreliable, with a cancellation rate of about 50%. That sucks when you were hoping that money went to your kid’s camp bill, but it sucks WAY worse when you were counting on it for your mortgage payment.
Administrative headaches aside, once I get to the actual session part, I LOVE IT. I love assuming the goddess role and treating a man like a king, recharging his battery so he can go back out into the real world feeling relieved and ready to face the daily grind. I think it’s very similar to being a massage therapist. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have sex and intimacy whenever they like, so it’s nice they are able to find an outlet.
Should I be out about being a sex worker? I don’t know. It’s such a taboo topic in our society. Personally, I don’t believe I’m doing anything wrong, and am in fact helping people and offering a valuable service. There is most certainly a need for it, and not that many people who can do it in a safe, sane, and sensual manner. I am very discreet and professional. That it’s illegal is
RIDICULOUS.
I can’t stand when people get fired for doing sex work – it just forces them to do even more sex work. How does that help society?!
I have no idea how to advertise my services; Craigslist and Backpage were pains in the ass even before they succumbed to the pressure of society. There’s this Eros St. Louis page – hey I see some of my friends listed! I guess I rely on word-of-mouth.
My friend Lusty Chick is out about being a sex worker, she has a blog here.
I hope my personal experience and candidness will help destigmatize this topic. If you know me, then you know a whore. Whores can be great moms, good workers, and invaluable volunteers.
Are you out about being a sex worker? Or are you out about going to strip clubs or paying people for sex?
Comments
Thelustychick 2012-05-15 06:48:15
For the most part being out has been positive. Every so often a person will have something negative to say! I try not to let it bother me though!
Jay 2012-05-15 09:04:55
I am really happy to see honesty and passion about this. Those who choose and enjoy this line of work should be allowed to practice legally. It does serve a great role in our society, although I haven’t ever had the opportunity to experience it personally. As with anything there are two sides to the coin. Some are forced into this profession out of necessity, others by force. I think it is extremely unfortunate that it is very hard to tell if the person whose services you desire were due to the latter two situations. If ours were a more open, honest society the opportunities for people to be abused in this business would be far fewer and many like me would feel much more comfortable about seeking out such a service.
Perhaps next time I am in 314 I may be lucky enough to find you!
William 2012-05-16 14:15:57
Considering how in our society we willingly take young adults / kids who just turned 18, welcome them into military service where they kill other adults without their victims’ consent (recognizing this as patriotism) – and then proclaim those who perform sexual acts between two consenting adults as illegal is, well, somewhat contradictory. One path kills while the other tends not to.
BTW: Holland or Great Britain, anyone?
To be certain, there is a terribly dark side of the sex industry: abused runaways, illegal immigrants turned into sex slaves and the such. But then again, recalling the repeal of Prohibition on alcohol, I would argue that decriminalization of certain ‘immorality’ and ‘illegal drugs’ is also something increasingly worth looking into. TO be blunt, given the lack of funds for many local governments, perhaps licensing ‘sex professionals’ would be a good way to raise additional revenue,…
(Heh: it’s also worth noting how many of us are routinely ‘screwed’ by the financial industry – and yet this is not only tolerated; rather, the bankers are actually rewarded for this ‘immoral’ behavior!)
And bankers certainly don’t bother using any lubricant when they act.
Swedishskier 2012-05-16 22:07:00
You’re fucking nuts and awesome and brave! I’m never sure what risk you’ll take and I’m sure this one’s calculated, but it scares me. I’m nervous for you that this will be the one toe over the line. For me, though, I think there are far worse ways to earn extra money or even your main source of income than prostitution. See also- chemical companies, politics, financial corporations. It’s an honest living really. Sex work fascinates me in the way that all experience outside my purview does. (oh man, perv view… hahaha! I’m such a dork.) Thanks for sharing this.
Kendra Holliday 2012-05-17 18:53:43
Aww thanks! You are not the only one to feel this way. I was nervous to share, but decided it was an important step to take in fighting for sexual civil rights. I also want to take on Topless Equality this summer.
Even though the law and our society finds these things wrong and in need of punishment, I do not think they are wrong. I am an ethical person, and I am not ashamed.
I hope if anything happens to me I have the support of the community, like I did when I was fired and sued for my sexuality.
Buddha 2012-05-17 10:00:14
I’ve never understood the issue with prostitution. It’s consensual and no one gets hurt. Hookers on a street corner? Yeah, ok… I get that. Brings down property values. What goes on behind closed doors, though, is a different matter. My girlfriend and I dated for a little over 5 years. I paid for every meal, every movie, every vacation. How is that any different than me paying a woman for sex? Oh, yeah… she didn’t “charge” me. I think all relationships are negotiated. A boyfriend/girlfriend will feel each other out those first few weeks. Is this person going to satisfy my needs? Is it worth the cost? Is the sex good? Same thing. Escorts just cut through all the bullshit. Their time is valuable. You want what they have (sex) and they want what you have (money). No biggie. I’ve been to strip clubs. I’ve been jacked off by a cute masseuse in the Philippines. I’ve never been with an escort, but would I? Sure… if I weren’t so poor. I need that loaf of bread. Sure… I’d worry about STD’s a little more than I normally would, but the lack of drama would be a plus. In fact, I think a fuck buddy relationship is the way to go. No expectations. No mixed signals. I’ve done it before and it was nice.
Wow… that was one long, rambling paragraph. It’s 7:55 a.m. and I haven’t had any coffee. Be a sex worker. Nothing wrong with it. You’re giving someone an amazing experience. He wins. You win. End of story.
Now I need coffee… and a blowjob.
WD 2012-05-22 19:27:48
Buddha, nice! LOL.
WD
Devysciple 2012-05-27 18:01:22
Well, I am one of the men who have never paid for the services of a prostitute. The reason for this is rather simple (and has already been mentioned by William): While in our country prostitution is legal, there’s still a huge problem of forced sex workers (mostly from Eastern Europe), while there are also a lot of them who work voluntarily. So you have basically no way to tell if you are supporting organized crime and adding to the suffering of someone, or simply paying for a service.
The other thing that bothers me is the fact that I cannot tell how voluntarily a women is doing her job. Does she like it? Is she in a situation where she is financially dependent on the income? Does she work on her own, or does a pimp grab most of her money for dubious “security”?
It is true that many people work in jobs they don’t like, and they do it just for the money. But in my opinion as a male who never did nor accepted any sex work, I still think it is different from working in the office or in a garage or on a waste dump.
Don’t get me wrong, a prostitute gets the same respect from me as any other person. They are doing a job, and that’s that. I do not frown upon people who seek these services (unless they use it as an opportunity to cheat on their partners). Personally, I’ve just decided to not take the risk and end up with a woman who can’t say ‘No’ to me, for whatever reason.
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