By Kendra Holliday | December 15, 2016
The other day, I had a session with a 30 yr old man who has never been intimate with another person. He was a blank slate – didn’t even have kissing experience.
A few hours before we met, I posed a question to my network:
What would you teach a sexually inexperienced person?
The responses were so excellent, I had to share!
Self-pleasure – knowing what feels good to you is helpful before engaging others.
Sex can be sacred or profane. Sex can be spiritual or playful.
Sex is adult playtime. If something embarrassing happens, laugh it off.
The best sex is messy. That’s why we have showers!
Practice good hygiene and health. Learn how to use condoms. Pee and wash up after sex.
COMMUNICATION. Communication with your partner is critical. Always check in with your partner, ask for feedback. LISTEN to your partner.
The importance of CONSENT.
By Kendra Holliday | December 7, 2016
I offer sex and relationship consulting, and I’m happy to say that I’ve been getting more women, LGBT folks, and couples these days. Historically, most of the people who have sought me out for my unique services have been men who crave female energy.
The Top 5 reasons why people contact me are, in this order:
1. He’s a married man in his 50’s or 60’s whose wife is not interested in sex (mismatched libido)
2. He/she/they have some sort of sexual issue they want to work through, such as inexperience, anxiety, or orgasm/penis problems (Erectile Dysfunction is a common complaint – it can get complex when you heap social conditioning and anxiety on top of the natural aging process.)
3. He/she/they are interested in branching out sexually, either because they are in transition, not getting laid, or curious about alternative lifestyle options (non-monogamy, BDSM, sex work, etc.)
4. He has a fetish and is ashamed/seeking an outlet
5. They want to meet me, and possibly rub me for good luck
My goal is to offer tools, connections, and non-traditional options so that the people seeking me out can reach their goal of becoming happier and healthier. My approach is unconventional, and I get referrals from licensed sex therapists. I’m pretty well connected and have a strong network. Sex is my specialty, which ties into work, family, personal – everything!
Here is a list of resources I most often recommend to my clients:
By Kendra Holliday | December 2, 2016
Kyle took the train from Chicago.
All day he traveled, portable oxygen tank in tow.
He didn’t listen to podcasts or music. His mind was too occupied with thoughts of what was to come –
You see, Kyle was overcoming great obstacles in order to find answers and rediscover intimacy with another person through surrogate sessions with me. It had been seven years since he was last with a partner, and he was missing human touch terribly.
Why? Life took an unexpected turn from him.
I’m always fascinated by my client’s life stories, and his was especially interesting.
As a forensic anthropologist, Kyle traveled the world working on ancient civilizations and gravesites. He was fit, had a passport, and worked outdoors a lot, in all kinds of conditions. Destinations included South America, Australia. He was next scheduled for a project in Europe, and had his sights set on Asia.
Then one day, at a church in Mexico, disaster struck – literally. The team was digging in trenches, excavating an old sacred graveyard for relocation. Despite wearing a Hazmat suit and respirator, something went wrong when a 400 yr-old-bone was hit with a pickax. Bacteria exploded in the air, and invaded his lungs. He suffered serious pulmonary damage, and has been on oxygen 24/7 ever since.
A couple years after that, he was hit in the ass with colon cancer, and had to undergo risky surgery to remove 1/3 of his colon. The doctors warned him he might not survive the operation, due to his lung condition. They had to give him an epidural and twilight meds instead of general anesthesia!
Incredibly, he survived this double whammy.
Nowadays, Kyle is the same age as me (43) and lives with his parents on disability. He can no longer drive. He’s overweight and in poor health. His lifestyle went from adventurous globetrotting to being tethered to a tank in his bedroom, more or less homebound, living vicariously through the internet. He is an odd combination of extremely worldly and intelligent, and emotionally stunted and childlike.
We had our initial consult over Skype. I found out he’s quite kinky like me – into stockings, men and women, incest and rape fantasies, pegging… all that fun stuff! His sensitivity and shyness put me at ease, and we clicked.
By Kendra Holliday | November 25, 2016
This holiday season, I’m feeling very nostalgic.
You see, my parents 50th wedding anniversary was this week.
FIFTY YEARS OF MARRIAGE.
My mom is one of the only truly monogamous people I know.
She has only been with one person her entire life.
Isn’t that IRONIC??? I’m the opposite – I’ve been with hundreds of people. I’m SO non-monogamous.
How about you? How many people have you been with? How do you feel about it?
A few years ago, my parents renewed their vows, because they weren’t sure they would make it to their Golden Anniversary.
My veteran dad had open heart surgery in 2005 after retiring from a 30 year career and delving into two more government jobs. So earnest and gullible.
And my mom.
Well, she has had more near death experiences than I can count – childbirth, child death, mother guilt, resentment, confusion, suicide attempts, cutting, bashing, languishing, slicing, dicing, overdosing, psychotic episodes, hallucinating, mania, depression, dumpster diving, dog and people rescuing, child abusing, drug rehab, halfway houses, driving into ditches, crumpled up in closets and outhouses, ER visits, endless falling, bleeding, heart stopping, toxic drug levels…
Life can be fucking brutal.
They are stubborn and of strong stock.
Here is the song that was played at their renewal of vows. My baby sis chose it (she’s 12 yrs younger than me – we span their reproductive love story – it went girl-boy-girl-boy-girl):
I love how the colors start out red, like blood, then blue is added, and it turns purple. Purple is a healing color. Purple is what people could wear after a year of mourning, back in the day.
It reminds me of this song. Yes, I KNOW it’s super cheesy, but it symbolizes so much:
Celine Dion is an angel, overseeing their fate.
Love conquers all.
Here is an image of my parent’s hands in 1966, at their wedding:
By Kendra Holliday | November 25, 2016
The other day, my friend told me he wanted to come out, but he was afraid.
He’s a polyamorous bisexual swinger, and was worried about judgement.
So, I made this video offering tips on coming out.
He watched it and said, “My only hesitation around coming out is the potential adverse impact on our 10 yr old daughter. If it wasn’t for that, I would have done it already. I feel like we need to come out to her first. I don’t want her to hear it from anyone but us.”
I replied, “It’s respectful to start with loved ones first, you’re so right.”
And then, I made this video.
Well, guess what!
He took the plunge, and talked to his daughter. And you know what? It went fine!
He reported, “I did it! I talked to our daughter! We are out to her! It was very uneventful. I had an opening and I took it. She was very open and understanding and said ‘Do whatever you want as long as you stay married.’ Once she heard we both knew about each other’s relationships and our marriage was solid, it was all good. It felt very natural and healthy.”
By no means am I taking full credit for pushing him in the right direction, but I did provide gentle encouragement and influence.
And that feels AWESOME!
OH and PS: After my daughter dug through my box of sex toys and learned what they were, I went ahead and proudly displayed them in my bedroom! It’s a shame to hide functional works of art, don’t you agree?
And, PS2: My daughter knows I have sex with most of my friends, so when she finds out I haven’t had sex with one of my friends, she is SURPRISED! LOL!
Such as, David Wraith. We have never had sex! But we’ve certainly been emotionally intimate. 😉
Much love and encouragement to you and your loved ones!
By Kendra Holliday | November 23, 2016
Just reflecting on how much I get grabbed.
Most of the time I like it.
After all, I have lots of handles.
Breasts, belly, hips… pussy.
Of course, I prefer to be grabbed consensually. Like this.
That was a good night – Ladies Night. I was weak all the next day.
When was the last time you grabbed someone? Did you ask first? Was it consensual? Did it lead to good things?
By Kendra Holliday | November 19, 2016
I’ve been having lots of national speakers (Joan Price! Marty Klein!), friends, and esteemed clients travel to St Louis to see ME or attend conferences, events or fulfill prestigious speaking engagements, and they often ask me what St Louis has going on.
Well, let me tell you – there’s A LOT going on between the legs of The Arch!
From the honorary sex-positive Ambassador and Queen Whore Madame of St Louis, here are my suggestions!
The City Museum downtown is the MUST SEE place in St Louis. TRUST ME AND EVERYONE ELSE AND GO THERE. You can climb around and explore so many levels – from the rooftop to the underground caves! Listen to my friend Max talk about the interactive features of this hardcore unique museum. Kids love this place, and so do adults. (Pssst, there are nooks and crannies for getting injured, or a little nookie with your sweetheart if you’re lucky!) Seriously, I love taking people there. Every time I explain it to them on the way there, they say, “yeah we have something like that in our city”, and then when they get there, they shit their pants and I feel crazyproudsmug. 🙂
Shameless Grounds is a rare gem – we are SO happy to have it! It’s a sex-positive community space and coffee shop. The food is really good! They host so many great events and have a sex library! (Psst – look for the wall of beautiful vulvas backlit above the bookshelves 😉 ) Be sure and check out their calendar while you’re in town, and while you’re at it, check out SEX+STL calendar, too. We cross pollinate all the time, and the entire community benefits!
And while you’re in the neighborhood, go pay your respects to the Anheuser-Busch Clydesdales. Not only are they spectacular beasts, but they offer better hospitality than most people — free beer!
If you have a car (public transportation is not the best in St Louis), drive around the city and marvel at all the green and red – so many trees and brick buildings. Beautiful architecture. There’s even a documentary on St Louis BRICKS by my friend Bill Streeter!
HOLY SHIT – did you know that most of our attractions in beautiful Forest Park are FREE?! You just have to be aware of $Parking$, incidentals, and Special Exhibits.
If you like art, you better get your ass to our incredible Art Museum. Be sure and say hi to my boyfriend (he may or may not practice Responsible Hedonism…):
When I used to strip on the East side back when I was 19, I would often be driving to “work”, feeling a sense of dread, then I would declare a silent scream FUCK IT, and bust a U-turn and spend the day at the glorious Art Museum instead. One placed sucked my soul, the other place nourished it…
I like taking different people to the museum and pretending it’s a giant Art Mart, and we get to pick one thing out of each gallery. I’ll say in a loud voice, “Where are the price tags on these things?!”
But whatever you do, DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING in the museum, unless maybe a toilet seat. Otherwise, the security guard stationed next to every piece of art will cut you.
The History Museum is nice, if you’re into that kind of thing. They had a fun Prohibition exhibit a while back, as well as one on Lingerie throughout the decades. And Little Black Dresses! And toys! They have a great marble selection in their gift shop! I have a lot of them in my bedroom…
I took this pic at the History Museum!
And if you like history, The Campbell House Museum downtown is splendid.
Our ZOO is one of the best. Every year, they update a section so it is better for the animals, and fun for all us gawkers. One of these days, they will get around to the lions and tigers and bears, oh my!
Get your geek on at the Science Center. They’ve featured some really fun exhibits in the past, like Bodyworlds, Dr Who, and Sherlock Holmes.
Beautiful Tower Grove Park is right next store, and has the most variety of trees in the city.
By Kendra Holliday | November 13, 2016
THIS IS OUR NINTH YEAR AT THE CABIN!!!! HEADING THERE IN DECEMBER……….
I’ve had many couples ask me for the name/location of the cabin we go to. Drop me a line and I’ll hook you up! This cabin is rustic, no wifi, so it’s good to come prepared with food, drink, music speakers, ambient lighting, soft blankets and pillows – we prepare a list every year.
Matthew and I go to the same cabin every winter, and about two months prior, we start getting CABIN FEVER.
A couple days ago, he texted me: “I hope each morning, you’re opening the Cabin Advent Calendar in your head.”
I sure am! Do you want a peek inside? Open each little window and it will reveal:
cabin music playlist
By Kendra Holliday | November 12, 2016
Going back to the cabin next month… looking at the pics from our visit earlier this year with great warmth and fondness… I’m ready for a break from all the madness!
You better believe the pics are hot – we were in front of a roaring fire all weekend!
We took this tasteful version of me wearing a vintage slip for facebook:
Then we took these classic nude photos for the blog.
By Kendra Holliday | November 12, 2016
This is our sixth year going to The Cabin!
It’s our favorite yearly ritual – stealing away right between the holidays and giving ourselves the best gift – time for just the two of us.
For 72 hours, we’ll be living in our own private universe where time and the internet doesn’t exist. In between all the fucking and frolicking, we’ll stoke the fire and eat cake at 2am, watch a movie, float away in the hot womb of the jacuzzi, listen to music playlists that celebrate different aspects of our lives, sip Maker’s Mark hot toddies at 6am…
Previous years have been epic. Last year was a Beethoven theme. Other themes have been BDSM, Ginger, Videos, Western…
I think this year’s theme will be Game of Thrones…
He is my Sun and Stars… I am the moon of his life.
We’ll be far, far away, experiencing something new, and something positively familiar. We’ve had another whole year to strengthen our bond.
Funny how driving four hours from both our houses feels like coming home.
He wrote this note to me four years ago, and it still holds true:
We need a cabin for a weekend together,
undress beside the ashes of the fire.
Your white gown smells of burning leaves.
It’s cold outside but I penetrate you with heat.
I keep you with every inch of my soul.
I love you.
I hate you.
I AM over you, peering down upon you worn and wet.
Reverting to your fetal shape in a torrent of emotion.
I am the man who defines you.
You are the woman who adores me.
A Burgundy box of worthless treasure in priceless proportions.
I will soak the thorny stem I place on your grave.
I am over you, in ALL ways.
We, Dear Slut, are far from over…..
By Kendra Holliday | November 12, 2016
This was our seventh year at the cabin! Such a magical place to reconnect!
The drive there is always fun – we stop in small towns and look for weird and new things to explore. You know, like the world’s largest rocking chair.
One outpost has moonshine tastings – 12 different kinds! We got apple pie and egg nog flavor, which is amazing in root beer.
Cuba, MO has an Amish store where we bought the most amazing cinnamon rolls.
Finally, we arrived at the cabin in the woods, near a lake:
As soon as we got there, he built a fire and made us whiskey cocktails. In celebration, I threw my panties on the fire – I couldn’t help myself! They were kindof ugly anyway. No undies for the rest of the weekend! We mostly stayed in robes or were naked.
We brought loads of pillows and super soft blankets to snuggle up in by the fire. One of them is a fake fur pattern – made me feel like we were in a cave!
I loved stroking the fur, and then my soft tummy, sipping hot toddies and reading gorgeous books, the fire crackling and throwing warm light:
We had an amazingly hot roleplay scene in the hot tub (SEX+STL is giving a roleplay talk today!)
Here is the path leading to the hot tub:
By Kendra Holliday | November 11, 2016
Another incredible weekend at the cabin.
The cabin is under new ownership now, so they made some nice minor improvements, such as new furniture, bedding, and this sign:
…unless you have a sex blog.
We had a fire going ALL WEEKEND, which apparently is as bad for you as smoking cigarettes, godammit. I guess it’s a good thing I don’t have a wood burning fireplace at my house.
Here’s a pic of me in the hot tub from a previous year:
By Kendra Holliday | November 11, 2016
This year was the fourth time we’ve been to the cabin, and it flew by faster than ever. The day after we returned I was really grumpy, suffering from cabin drop and feeling very put out that I had to take care of all the necessary duties and resposibilities instead of lying around all tied up in front of the fire sticking ginger up my ass.
Every year we enjoy all the favorite traditions (watching Westerns, building fires, stargazing, listening to Iron & Wine, wearing pajamas or nothing the entire time), but we also like to incorporate something new into our repertoire.
Lately I’ve been on a ginger kick. I love theme events, so I packed a bunch of ginger goodies: tea, men, liqueur, soda, and of course, the root itself.
I was determined to drink the entire bottle of The Big O (“there’s nothing fake about it” ) that weekend (we all have our goals), but I couldn’t quite get there. It started leaving a sickly sweet mossy film on my teeth that no amount of brushing could remove from my ginger-spiced psyche.
We also brought along this awesome vulva ornament our dear friend Rockabilly Girl gave us to hang above the fireplace:
By Kendra Holliday | November 6, 2016
I’m proud to say that the gang bang I had for my 40th birthday kicked off a tradition among my friends – orgies celebrating their 40th, 50th, etc. birthday! There have been several in the St. Louis region, featuring various fantasies and frivolity, sometimes before a fire, sometimes beneath the glow of a red light…
The thing is, you have to EARN an incredible orgy for your birthday – you can’t just dial it in. You need to spend years cultivating friendships with people who are in touch with their sexuality, and, more importantly, love and respect you.
My partner Matthew lovingly organized my gang bang, so it was only appropriate I return the favor by arranging a comparable 40th birthday celebration for him.
He helped make my fantasy of being surrounded by awesome male energy come true, so guess what? He wanted to be surrounded by awesome female energy!
We improved on the formula. This was not just a reverse gang bang, no ma’am.
This was going to be BETTER than that.
After making a list of who we would like to be present, I sent the following invitation to eight women:
Dear Women of High Esteem and Even Higher Regard,
I would be so honored if you could lend your sacred female energy to the celebration of My King’s 40th birthday celebration.
Please bring a robe to wear once inside. Cocktails will be served. Decadent catering by Shameless Grounds.
The premise: Women will lounge about in robes, chatting and bonding. The King will beckon us one by one back to his chamber for exclusive quality time, on each woman’s terms. Please know that you are not expected to do anything you do not want to do.
The evening will culminate with some group worship, with guest comfort level paramount. The goal is for everyone to be comfortable and well cared for.
With Sensual Respect and Reverence,
Queen Kendra of The Beautiful Kind
To our delight, EVERYONE responded with an enthusiastic YES!
By Kendra Holliday | November 3, 2016
Note: This article was originally published here.
Hey, fellas—when’s the last time you sported a boner? Have you ever noticed how annoying spontaneous erections are for teenage boys, and how annoying lack of erections are for older men?
In fact, if you look up “Reason for Erection” on the internet, besides getting some German band’s website, you’ll also find a lot of resources for unfortunate teenage boys plagued with erection problems: Erections during class. Erections at night. Erections for no reason at all. Boo-hoo, must be nice! I hope they remember that 40 years from now!
According to evolutionary psychologist Satoshi Kanazawa, the only biological function of an erection is to allow men to have intercourse with women, with the end goal of making a baby. But hey, we’re human, and sometimes men want to use their dicks recreationally. It can be extremely frustrating when the little head doesn’t play nicely with the big head. Let’s face it – dicks can be unpredictable!
As a sex surrogate, I help out men with all kinds of issues. One of the more common complaints is ED—erectile dysfunction. There are two causes for ED—physical and mental.