A Sex-Positive Gang Bang

By Kendra Holliday | December 4, 2015

SO. This week’s Savage Lovecast featured a woman calling in asking about a gang bang gone wrong. You can listen to it here, around the 30 minute mark. The good news is, she had two gang bang prior to the bad one that went GREAT, but the last one tanked. The reason: the men got too rude and selfish. Dan gave her great advice – have a gang bang buddy, and know who’s in the room! Below is my super amazing gang bang experience. I hope you take some ideas from it if you’re thinking about staging one for YOUR loved one (that includes YOU!) A loving shout out to the people who were involved in mine – they all made it so very special. It truly was a dream come true – it made for a VERY happy Holliday! 😉


Would you be nervous if you knew eight men were on their way over to fuck you all at once?

Would you be nervous if you were a man driving to a gang bang event, having never met some of the other guys, and this being a new experience for you?

Think about it for a minute.

I mean, gang bangs seem like a hot idea in fantasy, but how do they translate in reality?

Well, when you plan it right, they translate really fucking well.

Truth be told, I wasn’t nervous. I was excited. I was radiant.

This pic was taken after it was all over. Photos by David Wraith!

This pic was taken after it was all over. Photos by David Wraith!

Now, if I was about to do public speaking, I’d be nervous. If I was about to parallel park a car, I’d be nervous. If I was about to walk into a rich country club, I’d be nervous.

But this was natural for me, even though it was my first time trying such a thing. As you all well know, sexual acts are where I shine.

Here is me right before the guests arrived:

Kendra Holliday, Slut Extraordinaire!

Kendra Holliday, Slut Extraordinaire!

See? I’m making the OK sign. :)

I dressed up because all the guests were coming in suit and tie. Classy!


What I Like and Don’t Like

By Kendra Holliday | November 25, 2015

Guys We Fucked podcast!

Guys We Fucked podcast!

Someone told me about Guys We Fucked, an anti-slut-shaming podcast hosted by two female comics. I recommend it – they tackle all kinds of heavy shit like abortion, sex work, molestation, rape – AND they make it funny!

Recently, they had porn star Stoya on their show, and one of the things they mentioned was how porn stars negotiate their scenes. They let their co-stars and crew know what they like and don’t like. They said, “Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone had that list available for potential partners?”

I agree! SO, here is my list of what I like and don’t like – I’d love to see yours!

I DON’T like

negative energy
being raped
stinky cologne
bad breath
being molested or violated
tongue jammed in my ear
nipples tweaked, pinched or pulled
being bit in general, but especially my mouth, breasts, or clit
going straight for my breasts and pussy, bypassing the rest of my body
being fingered without lube
being finger banged, especially without warm up
immediate pounding sex – I like being warmed up
fucking for an hour
big dicks
cum in my eye
cum in my mouth
cold play/being cold
face slapping
PSE (porn star experience) sex
porn star moves
late night sex
eating before sex

Lube galore from Lucky Bloke

Lube galore from Lucky Bloke


AMAZING Week at Desire With Life on the Swingset!

By Kendra Holliday | November 21, 2015

You know you’re in a sex-positive environment when a woman can doze off nude on a day bed outdoors by herself, and not worry about anyone molesting her.

And, of course, at other times you can see a bunch of people fucking in every one of the beds, in all sorts of fun combinations. That’s also very sex-positive.

The day bed at Desire Resorts. Photo by Cooper Beckett

The day bed at Desire Resorts. Photo by Cooper Beckett

My week at Desire with the Life on the Swingset crew was better than I imagined it would be. And I have a pretty good imagination!

I was nervous and excited to travel all by myself to a couples only lifestyle resort in a different country. I only knew a few of the people who would be my naked neighbors for the week (out of 120 rooms, the Swingset had booked 88 of them – next year, they’re booking ALL of them!) But I was determined to embark on this adventure with a positive mindset – after all, what did I have to lose? Just my clothes!

As inspiration, I brought this book along with me on audio – it’s all about discovering your personal legend, and has great quotes such as, “There’s a language in the world that everyone understands – it is the language of Enthusiasm – of things accomplished with love and purpose, and part of a search for something believed in and desired.”

I highly recommend it!

When I arrived, Cooper gleefully greeted me naked, with an espresso martini in hand.

The staff served me a glass of sparkling wine and a cool towel to refresh myself from my travels. I would continue to drink sparkling wine for the rest of the week! And other cocktails, and sushi, and guacamole, and cake, and lord knows what else! Eat, drink, and be merry!

I made a name tag charm necklace (helpful when you aren’t wearing clothes!) – it’s my Twitter header.

After my necklace was made (festooned with love and good charms!) I stripped naked and joined the group. A super nice couple gave me a tour of the resort. It’s not very big, but it’s laid out in a meandering fashion, right on the beach. Speaking of, my room had an ocean view!


Going to Swinger Paradise

By Kendra Holliday | November 6, 2015

Guess what? I’m a Finalist for the Sexual Freedom Awards this year in London!

Unfortunately, I won’t be able to attend the ceremony next week because I will be celebrating my sexual freedom in … Mexico!

One of my goals for this year was to go to an all-inclusive resort in Mexico, preferably with a clothing optional beach. A month ago, it didn’t look like I would achieve that goal, but then all of a sudden, I got an email from Cooper Beckett of Life on the Swingset, offering me an amazing opportunity:

From 11/7-11/14 we are taking over about 2/3rds of Desire Resort and Spa in Cancun with Swingsetters. This is our fourth trip, and every year we’ve been proud of how it’s grown, and the wonderful variety of kinksters and non-monogamy practitioners in attendance.

Today we learned sadly that a couple would not be able to attend this year’s trip. So we find ourselves with a free room for the week.

We scrambled and came up with a list of people we’d like to invite to spend the week with us, knowing that the fact that it’s a month away might make it a long shot. You are one of the people we’d love to have there, so we were wondering if it is possible/feasible/etc, if you’d like to know more, all that.

Desire is a wonderful all inclusive clothing optional resort for couples. They have the amenities of Sandals, along with a playroom and disco, and lax attitude about people having sex on premises.

I checked my calendar, and incredibly, I was pretty open that week. Next, I checked with my partner. Since he already had a business trip scheduled during that time (SO BUMMED), I asked him if he would be okay with me going solo. I thought for sure he wouldn’t be down with it – imagine if YOUR partner wanted to go to a naked swinger resort like this for a week without you!

Desire Resorts in Mexico, photo by Cooper Beckett

Desire Resorts in Mexico, photo by Cooper Beckett

He said YES. Holy shit, what a King among men! That gesture takes the compersion cake, ladies and gentlemen!

So I booked my flight!


What to Do in St Louis (Besides Me)

By Kendra Holliday | November 4, 2015

I’ve been having lots of national speakers (Joan Price! Marty Klein!), friends, and clients travel to St Louis to see ME or attend conferences, events or fulfill prestigious speaking engagements, and they often ask me what St Louis has going on.

Well, let me tell you – there’s A LOT going on between the legs of The Arch!

Lady Lascivious Liberty! BE FREE!!!!

Lady Lascivious Liberty! BE FREE!!!!

From the honorary Madam of St Louis, here are my sex-positive suggestions!

The City Museum downtown is the MUST SEE place in St Louis. TRUST ME AND EVERYONE ELSE AND GO THERE. You can climb around and explore so many levels – from the rooftop to the underground caves! Listen to my friend Max talk about the interactive features of this seriously unique museum. Kids love this place, and so do adults. (Pssst, there are nooks and crannies for getting a little nookie with your sweetheart!)

Shameless Grounds is a rare gem – we are SO happy to have it! It’s a sex-positive community space and coffee shop. The food is really good! They host so many great events and have a sex library! (Psst – look for the wall of beautiful vulvas backlit above the bookshelves 😉 ) Be sure and check out their calendar while you’re in town, and while you’re at it, check out SEX+STL calendar, too. We cross pollinate all the time, and the entire community benefits!

Joan Price and me at Shameless Grounds!

Joan Price and me at Shameless Grounds!

And while you’re in the neighborhood, go pay your respects to the Anheuser-Busch Clydesdales. Not only are they spectacular beasts, but they offer better hospitality than most people — free beer!

If you have a car (public transportation is not the best in St Louis), drive around the city and marvel at all the green and red – so many trees and brick buildings. Beautiful architecture. There’s even a documentary on St Louis BRICKS by my friend Bill Streeter!

HOLY SHIT – did you know that most of our attractions in beautiful Forest Park are FREE?! You just have to be aware of $Parking$, incidentals, and Special Exhibits.

If you like art, you better get your ass to our incredible Art Museum. Be sure and say hi to my boyfriend (he may or may not practice Responsible Hedonism…):

I just want to climb on him!

I just want to climb on him!

When I used to strip on the East side back when I was 19, I would often be driving there, feeling a sense of dread, then I would declare FUCK IT, and bust a U-turn and spend the day at the Art Museum instead. One placed sucked my soul, the other place nourished it…

The History Museum is nice, if you like that kind of thing. They had a fun prohibition exhibit a while back, as well as one on Lingerie throughout the decades.

Our ZOO is one of the best. Every year, they update a section so it is better for the animals, and fun for all us gawkers. One of these days, they will get around to the lions and tigers and bears, oh my!



Get your geek on at the Science Center. They’ve featured some really fun exhibits in the past, like Bodyworlds, Dr Who, and Sherlock Holmes.

If you fancy beautiful gardens, visit our Botanical Garden. I’ve been to gardens in other countries, and this one rivals all of them. This is one of those places I go when I want to have a ME date. Tower Grove Park is right next store, and has the most variety of trees in the city.


What Triggered My Daughter

By Kendra Holliday | November 4, 2015

My daughter watched a movie at school called Iron Jawed Angels. It’s about the women’s suffrage movement in the 1910’s.

She has an awesome history teacher. She loved the movie so much that she told me she wanted to watch it with me, so I ordered it from Netflix.

The first copy we got in, the disc was cracked. Goddamn patriarchy! Seriously, my postal carrier has a bad temper – he cusses a lot and crams my mail angrily into the slot, often cracking the discs. I know I should give up on DVDs – my laptop doesn’t even have a DVD player, I have to plug in a device – but only about 1/3 of the movies I want to see are on “Watch Now” streaming.

Anyway, my daughter warned me that the film gets intense at times, and one scene in particular triggered her. Since she is an empath, I figured it would be one of the riot scuffles or prison torture scenes.

When the women were attacked by men in the streets for demonstrating for equal rights, I exclaimed, “Do you see that?! THAT is a visual example of patriarchy – the fear of the feminine AND mature masculine. Those men are NOT men, they are scared, entitled boys! They’re afraid that if other people get the rights they have, then they will lose out, when in reality, they have so much to gain!”

As we watched, she told me the worst part for her was coming up. I braced myself.


Cowboy Ethics

By Kendra Holliday | November 2, 2015

Do y’all know about Cowboy Ethics?

I keep the book by my bed, right next to the condoms, candles, and lube. It’s like my bible.

Do you follow The Code of the West?

Do you follow The Code of the West?

It’s also like porn to me – totally sexy. People who possess Cowboy Ethics TURN ME ON.

So, what are these good qualities that make me drool and take notice?

I’m not talking about rodeos and eating steak and slinging guns and chewing tobacco. I do like country music, however – it’s so sentimental! And I LOVE country living – give me a cabin in the woods any day!

Do the right thing.

Do the right thing.

Here’s what I’m talking about.

People with Cowboy Ethics are rugged. They are patient. They are passionate. They don’t quit. They have a heightened sense of justice. They do the right thing.

Some people come by their Cowboy Ethics honestly – it’s effortless for them. Others need training, like me! I strive to live by the Code of the West.

Here are the ten tenets – how many of these ring true to you? Which ones do you need to work on?

1. Live each day with courage.

Be brave. Be strong. Conquer your fears. Courage means “to have heart.” Having courage means doing what is right, even when it scares the living daylights out of you. Be true to yourself.

Talking openly and honestly about my intensely personal and kinky sex life, and posting photos of myself naked – right down to my hairy armpits and shaved pussy – being intimate with the world, sharing myself with strangers – that takes courage.

Don’t be a coward. Face your fears. Replace the fear with LOVE.

2. Take pride in your work.

My top three priorities are my daughter, my life’s passion (sex and relationships), and work (making money). Luckily, some of these things overlap. I’m a single mom, so I have to bust a move if I want to take my daughter on a nice trip or splurge on renting a fancy house for a play party.

I have a day job I don’t love (UPDATE: Not anymore! I quit it to pursue my passion!), but I take it seriously and have pride in my work. I also work at Wash U as a Gynecological Teaching Associate. I give talks for medical professionals. I work with licensed sex therapists. I mentor women interested in sex work. I absolutely LOVE my work as a counselor and sex surrogate. That is where my true talent lies, and where I make a real difference in people’s lives.

You should always try to leave people, places, and things in better condition than you found them.

It’s good to have more than one way to make money. Be diverse in your skills, but also be an expert in something. Be passionate! What are your top three priorities? What are you passionate about?


Good vs Bad Qualities

By Kendra Holliday | November 1, 2015

I’ve been doing a lot of self-work and research lately.

I learned about an exercise from reading a self-help book where you take a piece of paper, and write down all your good qualities:

Celebrating my good qualities

Celebrating my good qualities

Then, you flip over the paper and write down all your bad qualities – don’t hold back!

Things that make me cringe

Things that make me cringe

After you do the exercise, you review it privately, or with your partner, if you dare. Of course in the spirit of being open and honest, I’m posting mine publicly. Not sure how well you can read them – I scribbled quickly, and as you can see from the bad list, I have bad handwriting.

I’m pleased that I ran out of room on my good qualities side – I may have flaws, but I enjoy pretty good self-esteem. It’s nice feeling worthy and capable.

What about you? What would your lists look like? I’d like to shorten my bad list by changing a few of my habits. The quest for balance and self-improvement continues!

We should remember that as we are kind to other people, we should be kind to ourselves as well.


Me, Then and Now

By Kendra Holliday | November 1, 2015

I’ve been doing a lot of reflection lately.

Here is a pic of me in 1995 or so, when I was dating my now ex-husband. We got married in 1996, and split up in 2002.

Me in 1995

Me in 1995

This is one of my favorite dresses – my sister gave it to me. I still have it, 20 years later! So I put it on and posed in a similar fashion:

Me in 2015

Me in 2015

So many similarities, and so many differences. I’ve gained a few pounds. I have some wrinkles. I’m a mom now. I no longer have a uterus. I have more scars. I’m wiser, and less naive. I was monogamous then, and am polyamorous now. I was happy then, and am happy now.

I wonder if I’ll get the chance to pose like this again in 20 years…

Teen Virginity Angst

By Kendra Holliday | October 29, 2015

This is me in high school. I was a punk rock teenager – very depressed, wore black all the time, always feeling desperate, dramatic, negative.

High school senior pic

High school senior pic – I was about 17

This is a page from my journal when I was 15, circa 1988 – I met a 24-year-old guy named Greg at a high school party, and he latched on to me. He constantly badgered me to have sex with him:

From my journal during my teen years

From my journal during my teen years

He used all kinds of tactics to get me to cave in – it was no big deal, it was a very big deal, it would make for a good witchcraft initiation, and I was being a cock tease and it wasn’t fair to him.

He finally convinced me to have sex with him, and I did, on the floor of his dad’s apartment. It was okay, but immediately afterward, I was convinced I was pregnant (even though we used a condom), and I had a lot of shame and guilt. I hated myself for doing it. I freaked out so bad, I ended up in a mental hospital! I had a horrible relationship with my parents. I ended up taking medicine, and dated this guy for a while, until I wandered off and started dating someone closer to my age. Of course I was branded a slut, blah blah blah, the rest is history.

I remember all the sneaking around as a teen and having to find awful, dirty, nerve wracking places to have sex – the backseat of cars in industrial parks, closets, underneath a muddy deck, in the woods… it’s hard practicing safer sex and feeling pleasure in those conditions.

I had it really rough as a teen, and I’m SO glad my 15-year-old daughter is having a better teenage experience. I raised her sex-positive, and we’ve been having a series of good, age-appropriate conversations since she was about seven. She has a boyfriend now, and he is super sweet and respectful, and they are exploring things very slowly together. I’m so proud she chose him. She’s having her first romance on her own terms, and she has good support in place. She’s being educated properly, she has access to condoms and privacy, and best of all, she doesn’t have guilt and shame to contend with.

I wish everyone could be introduced to sex at the age that is right for them, and be given a sex-positive education – one that goes beyond STI’s and birth control, but also encompasses feelings, pleasure, consent, power exchange, and mutual respect.

My daughter and I will be giving sex-positive parenting talks November 22 and January 3 – check the SEX+STL calendar for details!

BONUS LINKS: Scarleteen is a great national resource for teen sex ed

Growing American Youth – St Louis org for LGBT teens

Transparent – St Louis support group for parents and their gender independent children

TASH – Teen Advocates for Sexual Health – St Louis

More great sex-positive resources can be found in the right column of this website, as well as the SEX+STL Links page!


By Kendra Holliday | October 24, 2015

In my line of work, I deal with ALL kinds of people – from 20 to 90 years of age, students and seniors, vanilla and kinky, inexperienced and experienced. Most of my clients are men, and some of them don’t have good social skills or know how to successfully interact with women. They’re horny, but don’t know how to properly channel that energy in a way that makes women feel comfortable (i.e., turned on and receptive to pleasure and connection, aka SEX).

On Sunday, November 1st, I’m hosting two events. One is the ethics of sex work at The Ethical Society, at 9:45am. The other one is Sex-Positive Etiquette for Men, at Shameless Grounds 2-4pm.

For those of you who can’t attend that day, I offer you this gem from a wonderful man I recently met. He’s in his 60’s, and he knows how to treat a woman right! He’s wooing the hell out of me! If you CAN attend, here is some food for thought ahead of time.


How to be a King among women!

How to be a King among women!

Advice to the younger generations from an older gentleman.

It amazes me how so many folks these days lack manners and respect in how they treat one another.

Perhaps it is the influence of TV fiction that just makes them want to mirror that fiction and act out in many negative ways under the guise of either showing respect or taking exception to “dissin” = disrespecting.

The most obvious to me is our treatment of women. Some men act as if women are their toys for their amusement or, worse yet, their property to be treated, or even abused, in any way they like. Some men even FEAR women.

Ever wonder why you are NOT getting laid? Perhaps it is a vibe of “lack of respect” for the ladies in your life, or maybe you just act in a manner that doesn’t show them respect or that you are NOT to be trusted. Mistreating a woman is NOT being a man. It is not a sign of the “dominant male”. It only proves you are immature, self-centered, inconsiderate, and that you need to GROW UP!

Have you worshiped your goddess today?

Have you worshiped your goddess today?

Being respectful of women should become the #1 priority for anyone seeking a relationship with the fairer sex. Yes, that includes ladies who love ladies, too.

Simple things like being clean (this includes brushing your teeth and using mouthwash), well-groomed (trim your fingernails!), using respectful language, being well-spoken and using proper grammar, not looking like or sounding like a slob, not attempting to use “compliments a.k.a. cat calls” that actually insult, opening car doors, offering your arm as opposed to grabbing theirs, understanding that NO means NO and not pushing it (even if she is your wife), respecting their time, bringing her thoughtful gifts such as flowers or chocolates, asking BEFORE touching, giving sincere compliments, saying Thank You, and just generally letting them know they are appreciated for WHO they are not what they are.

It is NOT treating them as if they have to follow your rules (limited exceptions for certain consensual and agreed upon BDSM relationships). In fact, you should be asking about, and then showing respect for, THEIR rules and boundaries (this includes in BDSM too).

An Intimate Life: Being a Surrogate Partner

By Kendra Holliday | October 22, 2015

Sex Surrogates Unite!

Sex Surrogates Unite!


Have you seen the movie The Sessions, starring Helen Hunt?

I loved it. Besides the obvious reasons why, that mainstream film brought me so much business!

I finally got around to reading the book it’s based on – An Intimate Life: Sex, Love, and My Journey as a Surrogate Partner, by Cheryl T. Cohen Greene.

Cheryl Cohen Greene has been doing surrogate partner work (aka sex surrogacy) for more than 30 years.

She has worked with 900 clients, ages 18 to 89. She started in 1973, the year I was born! But really, she points out she started her career 20 years prior to that, as a teenage girl learning about sex on her own, as if wearing a blindfold – sound familiar??

Cheryl Cohen Greene

Cheryl Cohen Greene

Despite strict parents and horny partners, she had to traverse the rocky terrain on her own, and learn the path the hard way. What is the truth about sex? What information is misleading and harmful?

Raised Catholic, she had some serious guilt issues to overcome (HELLS BELLS, if I had a nickel for every time a client said the line, “I was raised Catholic,” I’d be $RICH$!)

Cheryl had to deal with shame and double standards. She encountered some terribly stunted men, such as the boyfriend who was disgusted by her orgasm, and the priest who blamed “girls like her for getting boys in trouble”

Slut shaming #1:

John started masturbating me. Slow at first, then fast, then slow again. It was a rhythm that brought me closer to climax. My self-consciousness fell away, and I disappeared into it… Then I had a mind-blowing orgasm, the first one I’d had with John. I moaned with delight. At that moment, I loved him. Maybe he was my soul mate… would you know your soul mate by the strength of your orgasm? I couldn’t keep it to myself. I was going to tell him that I loved him. I opened my eyes just before I opened my mouth, and what I saw rendered me silent. He looked disgusted and shocked. As he pulled back, I suddenly realized how cold it was.

“You’re a sex maniac!” he cried.

At that moment I felt like I had been struck. I thought we were in this together. Why was he masturbating me if he didn’t’ want to give me pleasure? Was a certain amount of pleasure okay, and any more than that sick? Was there a pleasure limit?


Dr. Marty Klein Presents: America’s War on Sex

By Kendra Holliday | October 20, 2015

America's War on Sex, by Marty Klein, Ph.D.

America’s War on Sex, by Marty Klein, Ph.D.

Dr. Marty Klein is coming to St. Louis this week! Not only will he be presenting at the 60th American Academy of Psychotherapists Conference (YES I’m going!), but you can also catch him at a FREE event at Wash U!

Thursday, October 22, 7-9pm

Location: Washington University, Brown School, Hillman Hall 70

Hillman Hall is just east of Brown and Goldfarb Halls on the corner of Forsyth Boulevard and Hoyt Drive.

FREE, donations welcome

America’s War On Sex—And Why Humanists Should Care

Marty Klein, Ph.D

If you want to get people thinking less, just throw the word sex into a room. To further subvert their rationality (and their trust in science), add the word kids. Or danger, promiscuity, pleasure, and “sexual rights.”

Dr. Marty Klein

Dr. Marty Klein

For many people, the combination of these words creates a nightmare vision that the Religious Right has conveniently located, described, and promised to eliminate.

That’s what their War On Sex is about: generating fear, and then promising to reduce the danger by undermining secular democracy. All by demonizing sex, and proposing ways to control it.

By focusing on the word sex, the Religious Right has been extraordinarily successful at excluding science from public policy discussions about education, medicine, the media, criminal justice, and civil rights. They have also successfully re-conceptualized private sexual expression into public behavior, which is therefore subject to public control.” Their obsessive focus on sexual danger has undermined everyone’s sexual rights, from swing clubs to South Park, from sex toy stores to internet porn, from sex education to birth control.

“The Religious Right is using the issue of sexual regulation to undermine secular democracy,” says Klein. “Its War On Sex uses phony categories, dangerism, and abroad Sexual Disaster Industry. They take sex very, very seriously—and it’s time we  did, too.”
Marty Klein, Ph.D
Sex Therapist
Fellow, Secular Policy Institute

Co-Sponsored by The Skeptical Society of St. Louis and The St Louis Rationalists. Hosted by Washington University, Brown School of Social Work

Dr. Marty Klein is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Certified Sex Therapist. For three decades he has written and lectured about the intersection of sex, politics, and the media. He is the award-winning author of seven books about sex, including America’s War On Sex: The Attack on Law, Lust, & Liberty, which details how the Religious Right uses the issue of sexual regulation to undermine secular democracy.

Marty serves on the editorial board of The Humanist, is a Fellow of the Secular Policy Institute, and he has keynoted conferences including TAM, American Atheists, and the Society for the Scientific Study of Sex. He recently gave two Congressional briefings on evidence-based sex education.

Marty was the first writer to challenge the then-new concept of “sex addiction,” and is still its best-known critic (see Wikipedia!). He continually challenges the sex-negative quackery of American psychotherapy, with its gender stereotypes, iatrogenic beliefs about childhood sexuality, and prejudices about monogamy and pornography.

About his current book, Sexual Intelligence, Psychology Today simply says: “If you want to improve your sex life, read this book.” Audiences around the world say that goes for his talks, too–which are thought-provoking, down-to-earth, and entertaining.

Here is my Amazon review of his book, America’s War on Sex:

“I’m aware of how backwards and fearful the U.S. is when it comes to sex, but it’s nice to see it all spelled out, organized, and backed with facts. Some of the facts are appalling! It’s incredible how much people want to control other people’s personal lives, and the lack of empathy. So many people are not just ignorant, but stupid! The author brings up some interesting points, such as our sex ed for kids approach is in order to make adults feel more comfortable, and does a great disservice to our children. The way our society is set up now will keep therapists in business for decades. This book is an important read for a sex-positive activist. I wish we could change our methods to match countries that have a successful model, but there are too many rich religious groups invested in profiting from the current set up that is preventing us from self-actualizing and being happy and healthy.”

Be sure and meet him when he’s in town!

How Do I Enjoy Anal Sex?

By Kendra Holliday | October 15, 2015

Sex Positive St Louis is giving a talk on Anal Sex for Women Sunday at Shameless Grounds! Here is a relevant post you can read beforehand!

Dear Kendra,

My guy is an ass man. Which is great because he loves my ass. What’s not so great is that he also loves to fuck my ass. I do not enjoy anal sex, but it’s something I would like to be able to do happily for him. We do it twice a year, but I know he’d like it more even if he isn’t actively asking for it more. The reason he isn’t actively asking is because he knows I don’t enjoy it, which is a turn off for him. There are two things I’d like your advice on.

First, I really want to be a good partner for him and give him great anal sex, but that seems to require that I enjoy it. Though I willingly give it, the act itself is so unpleasant for me that I tend to go silent during it, which is a big, obvious difference from my usually vocal self and a huge clue that I’m not enjoying myself the way he would like. Frankly, when I’m quiet I’m just trying to keep it together (“relax, relax, breath, don’t breath too fast, relax, relax, etc”). We’re trying some things to make it more enjoyable/tolerable for me: he always makes me cum first, I enjoy it when he rims me, pot (helped me with the last guy, haven’t tried it here yet), I’ve used a vibe during (did nothing to help), him using fingers first (almost as weird/uncomfortable feeling as the real thing), and yes we use tons of lube. But at the end of the day, do I just have to buck up and moan for him?

Second, he believes that everyone is equally capable of enjoying anal sex. Therefore, I should be able to enjoy it as much as all the porn stars do in all the anal porn he watches. I do not believe this is true at all, and when he says things like this I get the impression that he thinks I’m simply not trying hard enough to enjoy it; which is bullshit and makes me feel like he doesn’t appreciate the fact that anal sex is highly uncomfortable for me and I’m basically doing it just to be a good partner (it certainly doesn’t do anything for me). It’s like “Duh! Of course I would like to enjoy it, right now it sucks!” Who’s right, is anal sex for everybody or can it simply not be for somebody?

Anal sex is really his only non-vanilla desire when it comes to sex, and he’s been so good about accommodating my kinks/desires that I hate that I can’t seem to give him exactly what he wants in this one arena. This isn’t threatening our relationship at all, it’s just highly disappointing when it comes up. I know that anal is something you’ve “struggled” with as well, so I hoped you’d have some advice for me.


Masturbating to the Dishwasher

By Kendra Holliday | October 14, 2015

I’m not sure where to begin with this one, but it’s been a very strange week.

So many good, bad, and GREAT things are being thrown at me at once. My head is spinning! A really odd chain of events. Seriously, read on.

First of all, I’ve been coveting a sex toy for months called The Womanizer. I finally scored one, thanks to a virgin from Minnesota who gave me an Amazon gift certificate. He’s coming to visit me next week, and my guess is he won’t be a virgin by the time he leaves St. Louis.

I charged it up the other day,

Charging up the Womanizer

Charging up the Womanizer!

and my partner Matthew requested that I use it for the first time with him present. He wanted to be there for my first orgasm with this super special, virgin funded toy.

But despite all the rave reviews I found online, I couldn’t get off! It tugged on my clit and shot odd sensations up my nervous system, but I kept tripping up. I finally gave up in frustration. Not with the toy, but with myself.

“Maybe it’s better as a solo toy,” he said reassuringly.

Phew I'm tired!

Phew I’m tired!

Grumpy and disappointed, I set it aside for days. He kept asking if I tried it again, and I said no.

Also this week, my dishwasher broke. I have this weird relationship with dishwashers.

You see, when I was 18, my mom kicked me out of the house for not emptying the dishwasher. It wasn’t my turn to do it, but she was crazy and didn’t care. So she put all my stuff out on the front porch in paper bags, and I was homeless.

For years, I lived from place to place, and most didn’t have a dishwasher.

So when I finally moved into my house and it had a dishwasher, I was SOO happy. I LOVE having a dishwasher. I like emptying it and restoring order in the kitchen. I love running it at night – there’s something very soothing about the tumbling sound it makes as it magically cleans and steams the dishes, like an elf fixing shoes for the sleeping cobbler. You wake up in the morning, and voila! Sparkle!

Trouble is, I’ve been having terrible insomnia lately, and the dishwasher I’ve enjoyed for the past eight years was kerfucked. And RIGHT when I started using Blue Apron.


YouTube RSS

Recent Posts

Breasts Breasts Breasts Breasts

Appreciate What You Have

Why is Online Dating So Challenging?

Find Me at Naughti Gras




This plump is so brilliant and fragrant! I like calling plums plumps 😊 https://t.co/ohYVqj4Kfo


If you like my breasts, then you will appreciate my breast photo quilt montage - one stop boobie shop! https://t.co/DQrG7Oxor0


I’ve FINALLY figured out what makes female breasts/nipples so awed and feared! https://t.co/DQrG7Oxor0


I LOVE my fabulous @sexpositiveSTL Co-Leaders! https://t.co/64NaTmfZGP