By Kendra Holliday | August 11, 2014 at 5:34 pm
Are you a woman who hasn’t had an orgasm in a few years? How about ever?
Want to expand your orgasmic repertoire?
Betty Dodson has been a pioneer of female orgasm for over 40 years. She’s 85 now, and while she tends to rub some people the wrong way, I have to admit she is on to something!
She’s known for her book Sex for One, as well as being a champion for the vulva and clitoris.
A few years ago, she had an advice column in Bust magazine, and I was dismayed at some of her replies. She seemed very dismissive of women masturbating outside the box and seemed to be on her way out, introducing her sidekick, Carlin Ross.
But then earlier this year, she caught my attention by pissing off a bunch of politically correct people at CatalystCon East. She joked about grabbing someone’s ass and fucking a dog or something, and people were outraged.
So that got me interested in her again, and then I heard her piece on the RISK! podcast and that was great. And then I read Jenny Block’s account of a group masturbation workshop hosted by Betty. Mark my words – we’re totally going to do something like that in St. Louis in the near future!
So I’m back to being a Betty fan (just like how Dan Savage won me over again by being bold and owning up to past foibles, while still sticking to his guns.)
My friend who is in her 40’s and newly dating just discovered the Hitachi Magic Wand. She CROWED about how she doesn’t NEED a man now! The wand helps her take the physical edge off when her hormones are raging, and allows her to take her time finding her next partner, one who is well-suited for her.
So, yeah. Click around this blog post and discover some new tools and tips. I love learning something sexy and new everyday!
And spreading the good word!
By Kendra Holliday | August 10, 2014 at 8:16 pm
Matthew sends me a challenge via email:
“You are to seduce me soon… Entice me like you would someone you are fucking for the first time…Again. Take Control. Show me you want it and you won’t stop until you get it.”
It’s a challenge all right! It’s difficult to make the first move on someone who is so dominant in your life. Someone you know so well in one way, but not others. Someone you’ve known for years and take the comfort and familiarity for granted.
I’m up for it.
“I’m ‘that guy’ from okcupid,” he tells me. OH I get it. We’re pretending like it’s our first date.
The day of our date, I get a message on okcupid from him telling me that he’s looking forward to our date, and that he’ll pick me up at 6:30. I message him back in kind.
We have dinner at a sushi restaurant and have a fucking blast. The waitress Ling loves us. Sake and beer flows, we eat Hot Mama rolls, and get to know each other.
Throughout the evening, we ask each other questions as if we don’t already know the answers, and we actually learn new things. For all of you in long term relationships, you should totally try this!
By Kendra Holliday | August 10, 2014 at 8:02 pm
The other day I received this message:
I was wondering if you could offer advise on how to get started or if its even plausible to do what you do but as a male instead of a female?”
First of all, I offer consultations for this type of thing. You can check out my website for more info.
Second, the answer is yes, it’s possible to be a male sex worker for women. You can apply to be a Cowboy 4 Angels, a service that offers straight male escorts for women.
From the website: “Cowboys need to be very attractive, dedicated to a top level of fitness, presentable, well-groomed, stylish, charming and desirable. Cowboys need to be confident but not arrogant, yet savvy. All need to be emotionally mature, stable and possess a genuine respect for women.”
Read this interesting article inspired by the television show “Hung” on male sex workers representing all kinds of niche markets – black men serving as “bulls” for parties, men hired for cuckolding fantasies, strippers and more. If you’re going to be a sex worker, figure out what your specialty is – working with people with disabilities? G-spot orgasms? Tantra? Massage?
Here’s an article featuring a man in Australia, where prostitution is legal. He seems to have a handle on what women want – to be pampered, worshiped, made to feel special, and oral. Lots of oral sex.
If you want to be a successful male sex worker, in addition to looks, brains, and personality, you need to be compassionate, confident, sexy, mature, intuitive, a great listener, and able to read body language. The focus should be on the woman – not your penis. You also need to be able to see the beauty in your clients, no matter how old, fat, or annoying she is. You need to be good with condoms.
What other qualities would be important for a male sex worker who is seeking female clientele?
By Kendra Holliday | August 9, 2014 at 8:30 am
Mating in Captivity is a great resource for anyone who is unhappy in their traditional, monogamous marriage.
The author and therapist Esther Perel notes that her husband is also a therapist, but he works with people who are refugees and have been tortured and have PTSD. She says her husband deals with pain, and she deals with pleasure. I say she’s also dealing with pain, just on a different level. And yes, pain and pleasure are intimately connected. Both make us feel ALIVE.
How do we get more pleasure in our lives, and less pain? Ultimately, we are in control of our lives, and can make choices that will lead us to a happier, healthier place. These choices can be difficult, and take a lot of work. They take courage and strength.
I was counseling a couple recently who have been married for over 40 years. Their relationship is spectacularly dysfunctional. I gave them real advice on how to change things (as opposed to a pep talk), and it fell on deaf, stubborn ears. Neither of them want to make the first move. They don’t want to leave their comfort zone, even though it has pot holes and bear traps. So frustrating.
Esther very patiently takes an entire book to break down what we all want – we want EVERYTHING. We want adventure, security, passion, love, independence, to be appreciated and desired, comfort, happiness… and guess what?
It’s really difficult balancing all of those things, especially if you are counting on one person to fulfill all of your physical and emotional needs. Most people cannot have everything. And if it is your goal to have everything, it’s really challenging finding the right balance.
For instance, Esther gave some couples some pretty hardcore advice. Going beyond the usual tips of scheduling dates on a regular basis and cute relationship exercises, she suggested one couple get divorced, but still live together. She advised another couple to live in separate homes.
You can wallow in the known and complain about it and let resentment build, or you can take a risk and make real changes. Sometimes happiness is handed to us, but more often than not, it takes hard work and courage to obtain.
By Kendra Holliday | August 5, 2014 at 6:01 am
I’m FINALLY posting a follow up to this henna post a while back. My sister inspired me! (Scroll down to see what I mean!)
Here is some amazing henna artwork by Jeanjoel from a couple years ago. I love having milky pale skin and a blank canvas for artists to work on…
It’s so relaxing to lie there and be still, feeling the paintbrush tickle.
Don’t you love my little willow tree pubic hair in this shot?
By Kendra Holliday | August 3, 2014 at 8:34 pm
I had another wild-n-crazy roleplay date with my friends Capn Marrrk and Bianca. They always do such a good job of creating an elaborate scenario and are so clever with costumes and props! For example, there was the time we pretended to be two sisters disciplined by a military instructor…
This time, I was playing the prisoner, Bianca was playing “Mama” the police officer, and Capn was the mean Prison Warden.
They kicked it off with a letter that announced I was up for a parole hearing:
I showed up with my orange prison costume on hand so I could change when I got there. Truth be told, I had a terrible day and was stressed and overwhelmed. I didn’t feel like an elaborate roleplay scene. I felt like vegging on the couch and whining and being coddled.
But when I got there, I discovered they were already dressed up and in character! She was wearing a tight, sexy blue police uniform, and he was wearing a brown suit and police sunglasses. Both had their arms crossed and looked STERN. They meant business!
Right away they addressed me as Prisoner #23049 and escorted me upstairs to change. OK, here we go!
As soon as I was in my jumpsuit, they cuffed me and led me to the chair for interrogation.
The Warden asked me all kinds of probing questions and grilled me. He made me state why I should be allowed early release, my plans on the outside, etc.
He informed me that if I wanted to get out of prison, I had to do whatever they say, including being their sex slave! They both were very serious and weren’t going to let me off easy.
By Kendra Holliday | August 3, 2014 at 9:38 am
Everyone is bitching about how terrible 50 Shades of Grey is. I’m no exception.
Yes, it sucks.
So where can you find GOOD erotica – the kind that will jump start a million libidos and celebrate kinky creativity?
Writing is not easy, but based on all the incredibly shitty erotica out there, it must be especially hard to craft this genre. You have to use the right words and flow to elicit feelings of arousal, rather than cringing. It’s a delicate balance. Plus, it can be pretty subjective. Some people hate the word “cunt,” while others can’t stand the term “nether lips.”
I asked friends and readers for their recommendations, and came up with this extensive list of 30 Shades of Great! Thank you to everyone who contributed!
1. Sleeping Beauty Trilogy – this one was mentioned the most. You should probably check it out.
2.Literotica – Hit and miss, but LOTS to explore. My favorite category is Incest/Taboo.
4. Anais Nin – I remember being so shocked and turned on reading the scene where a group of men pin down a woman and let a big, shaggy dog lick her pussy. I also got really disturbed and turned on reading about the man who found a freshly drowned body and had his way with it.
5. The Story of O - female submission galore
7. Exit to Eden – more Anne Rice BDSM
8. Genesis Deflowered - the Bible is already salacious enough, but this author fleshes out some scenes…
9. My Secret Garden – published the year I was born! These fantasies are timeless…
10. Forbidden Flowers – encore to Secret Garden
11. Kushiel’s Legacy series by Jacqueline Carey – I’ve read this, it’s pretty good. Hell, you know it’s good when you remember certain scenes and incorporate them into your own fantasies – the one that stands out to me is when the slave girl is in the great hall and is presented to a Lord as a gift, and his Lady watches him take the slave girl on the table…
12. Whip Smart – memoir of a college student working as a dominatrix
By Kendra Holliday | August 2, 2014 at 7:24 am
Like true responsible hedonists, we planned our fuckation perfectly – his kids were out of town, my kid was with her dad, we requested time off work and didn’t schedule anything. We took care of our shit so we could have as much fun as we wanted, guilt-free and carefree!
Rare is the day where you can wake up and lounge, knowing you have ZERO obligations for the next 24 hours. You can do whatever you want, WHOever you want, and today I wanted to spend all day in bed with my man.
In preparation for our dream come true, we had a rollicking night out on the town, bar and museum hopping.
By Kendra Holliday | July 20, 2014 at 10:29 am
So this sex surrogate work I do is hugely important, and I really and truly love it.
When I am engaged with someone and riding the waves of passion, I feel it in my core – in my heart and in my cunt – even if I am only giving the pleasure. I feed off the energy, it’s circular and ALIVE. It’s simultaneously relaxing and energizing.
I am honored to share intimacy with good people. I love mentoring and teaching others about sexuality and themselves.
I spend time with SO many interesting folks. They’re so diverse, but they are all keenly interested in a common goal: healthy human connection.
From the Middle Eastern Muslim man whose arranged marriage failed, to the man with a serious muscle disease who was told he would die by the age of 20, to the Catholic man who puked the first time he had sex, to the 44-year-old man who hasn’t had sex yet, to the man who was molested by a family member and can’t orgasm when other people are present, to the Asperger’s man who is clueless about courtship and body language…the list goes on and on.
After a recent sweet cock worship session, a client reported back to me:
“I felt giddy and somewhat euphoric and more energetic than usual the rest of the day — almost to the point of downplaying it so that others wouldn’t notice anything different about me today. And it’s more than I can justify on the basis of a conscious memory of the fun I had. It’s more like I had to stop and think about why I was feeling this way. It’s almost like I’m feeling the effect of pheromones, or a spike in oxytocin from all the touching, or a spike in testosterone resulting from the whole thing — maybe arousal combined with touching — it’s like I’ve been mildly drugged, definitely enough to be noticeable.”
Look at all the articles and studies out there about how healing human touch is, not just for premature babies, but for humans of all ages.
We need to touch each other more often.
My friend has a cuddle club that meets once a week. They all get together and talk about science or watch a television show in a cuddly, consensual fashion.
There are many types of touch – healing, nurturing, soothing, caring, sensual, erotic, intense – do you know the difference?
The other day I was touching an inexperienced man with erotic intent – trailing my fingers gently all over his body, tuned into his male energy, slowly heading toward his erogenous zones. He was used to massage and other therapies, but this felt different to him. He said my caresses made him tingle all over and flush with pleasure. So nice that the feeling can linger, and carry over into other parts of our lives.
By Kendra Holliday | July 19, 2014 at 8:06 am
You’ve heard of staycations – how about fuckations?
This year, we’re really busy with work, kids, and saving up.
So we decided it would make perfect sense to carve out days dedicated to pure pleasure and reconnecting – time is so precious, and you can never get enough intimacy, right??
So this year, we’re going to Heaven!
My friend Shawn has a similar idea of celebrating sexy time. “My girlfriend and I have dubbed June 1st Sexmas, and May 31st Sexmas Eve.”
Our fuckation will involve just the two of us – no screens.
We’re having a hard time deciding on themes – we want it all!