The Invisible Orientation

By Kendra Holliday | September 14, 2014 at 9:04 am

invisible orientation

The Invisible Orientation

I know it’s going to sound crazy, but there are people out there who aren’t horny all the time.

I recently read this fascinating book called Who’s Been Sleeping in Your Head: The Secret World of Sexual Fantasies. The author polled thousands of people, and was surprised to learn that 10% of his sample group reported no sexual fantasies. He was skeptical, wondering if they were in denial or had super repressed fantasies.

Maybe they really don’t fantasize about sex. Maybe they aren’t interested in it. Maybe sex isn’t a priority for them.

Which leads me to THIS book – The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality.

I’ll admit it – I used to think asexuality was not real. I couldn’t wrap my head around the concept – sex is a huge part of my life, so how could it be insignificant to someone else?

Then, when I finally acknowledged it was real, I was of the mindset that it was odd or the person was defective, and hopefully they would eventually outgrow the notion and get with the program – sex is the most important thing in the world.

Boy, was I ignorant!


Back from Germany!

By Kendra Holliday | September 10, 2014 at 12:38 pm

Whenever I think of Germany, I think of GGG. Not Dan Savage’s GGG

but THIS GGG – German Goo Girls. Extreme bukkake cum dumpster porn.

I’m also reminded of Vernonica Moser, the legendary German scat porn star.

I went to Germany last week, and I saw none of that. I saw, tame, idyllic Germany. Like this:

Rapunzel's Castle

Rapunzel’s Castle

I stayed near Rapunzel’s Castle, one of the castles the Grimm Brothers turned into a fairy tale. I also saw Sleeping Beauty castle, but that was boring – no wonder she fell asleep there!

Lots of beautiful scenery:

Lovely German countryside

Lovely German countryside

Even special European rainbows! (“Rainbow” in German is “Regenbogen,” by the way)


Hey Jealousy

By Kendra Holliday | September 2, 2014 at 7:44 am

Adam & Eve gave in to temptation and pleasure - so should you!

Adam & Eve gave in to temptation and pleasure – so should you!

HEY! Are you non-monogamous by nature, but feel freaked out when your partner wants to exercise their right to be non-monogamous, too? Have no fear – I have some advice for you!

Let’s use this woman as an example:

“Dear Kendra, I have a problem, I’m a 36 year old (mostly straight, but love to eat pussy) lady in an open relationship with a 42 year old straight man. We’ve been together for about a year and have been open the whole time. We’ve mostly been doing swinging, but we also play separately. We both had experience in the lifestyle before we met and wanted to continue together. The problem is I can’t seem to get over my jealousy when he plays on his own with other girls, and not always, just the girls I know he really likes.

He is really wonderful and we have a great, communicative and respectful relationship and are both totally honest with each other about everything. I feel terrible because there’s a huge double standard going on, in that I often play alone with other guys, he loves me being slutty and I totally get off on the fact that I’m being slutty and he’s loving it. I love him all the more for giving me my freedom and independence and respect him for being strong enough that me with other men isn’t threatening to him.

Also, I fully realize that when I’m out with other guys I cannot wait to get home to him and have him fuck me like crazy and it only makes me want him more. However, this is where the problem comes in. I just can’t make the connection with my brain and my ego when the tables are turned, I feel scared, and threatened, and jealousy, and anxious and I don’t know what to do to get past it.

I’ve read Sex at Dawn, Mating in Captivity, Opening Up, I listen to Dan Savage, Tristan Taormino, and a bunch of other swinger podcasts, as well as read your blog and am a long time reader of Jade’s blog as well. Since it’s been a year, it’s getting to the point where he’s becoming frustrated that it’s taking me all this time to figure this stuff out, and I don’t want him to feel restricted. I need someone to help me through this and I can’t talk to my vanilla friend’s about it and I also don’t want to talk to my swinger friends about it because there are very few of us that play separately so they don’t really understand either.


Cucumber Yoni Cleanse

By Kendra Holliday | August 31, 2014 at 2:43 pm

DIY cucumber dildo!

DIY cucumber dildo!

First, the grapefruit. Now, the cucumber…

What do you think a vagina smells and tastes like? Bittersweet? Sour? Pungent? Musky? Earthy? Oysters?

Mine smells and tastes different all the time. I’ve heard a vagina compared to a tidal pool, which sounds about right. It’s a woman’s own little eco-system and pleasure cove.

I posted about how to keep your vagina tasty and date-ready here.

I learned about cucumber yoni cleanse on this secret sacred yoni egg goddess group I belong to on fb.

Here is a page about it. An excerpt from the Eco-Goddess Temple:

“The New Whole Foods Encyclopedia, by Rebecca Wood, confirms that cucumbers are considered nurturing to the bladder, spleen, large intestines and lungs. It is a cold food that treats hot conditions and helps resolve toxins. A cucumber contains more than 90 percent water. Cucumbers are a food that tends to restore normal health because of its ability to cleanse and purify the blood and gradually alter the excretory process to restore normal body functions. Cucumbers contain a digestive enzyme, erepsin, that breaks down protein, cleanses the intestines and helps expel intestinal parasites.”

The other night I tried it, and it was better than I imagined!

I thought it would be goofy and awkward, but it turned into a sexy little loving date with myself.


A Pain in the Ass

By Kendra Holliday | August 28, 2014 at 7:05 am

Give your ass some TLC!

Give your ass some TLC!

The other day, I posted the following on fb and twitter:

You know that move in porn where the guy grabs a woman by her ass cheeks, and spreads them apart as wide as he can? Yeah, don’t do that.

I had someone do that to me recently, and it gave me a slight tear and hurt!

But then, I got mixed comments from it – turns out some women LOVE that move, and some women HATE it. Just goes to show you, communicating with your lover is key!

In addition, the post prompted a woman to send me the following unusual message:

“Dear Kendra,

Almost every time my husband and I have sex, I end up with the dreaded, painful, “butt crack split” I don’t know how else to describe it. It would normally happen if a guy ripped your ass cheeks apart during doggie, but I get it all the time!! With no butt cheek pulling!! HELP! It is painfully inconvenient! I put A&D on it, bag balm, anything I can think of, but it still happens. I love sex and can’t get enough of my husband, but this is getting ridiculous!! It hurts!! thank you in advance for any tips you can lend me! Is this common?”

I have to admit, I had never heard of anything like this before, but I’ll bet it’s common enough, and people are just too embarrassed to mention it!

I replied to her:

How long has this been going on? What positions do you try? Where do you have sex? Bedding? Do you have sensitive skin in other places? Is it the lube you’re using? How often do you have sex? Have you had past perineum trauma from childbirth or anything? Do you get hemorrhoids? There has to be some solution to stop this from happening.


What’s With Picky Orgasms?

By Kendra Holliday | August 27, 2014 at 5:00 am

Dear Kendra,

I’m 18, in college, and Female-to-Male transgendered. I have had three male sexual partners in the last eight months or so. Of the three, TWO have claimed that a handjob or blowjob WILL NOT DO, and absolutely NOTHING but penetration will get them off, and in the case of one of the guys, even that wasn’t enough, and he had to turn to his own hand.

However, on your site and elsewhere, I see tales of guys that can get off with ease using various methods beyond penetration.

So what gives? These guys are 20 and 21, respectively, shouldn’t they be rarin’ to go? What on earth is going on that penetration is the only thing that seems to get them off?

My reply:

It’s unusual that you ran into two men in a row who require penetration to get off. I think it’s a fluke. They probably both used penetration in their early masturbation routine and have become dependent on that way.

I’ve been with a couple guys recently who needed to take over and finish with their own hand. It didn’t bother me, as one was new and the other often finishes that way, but can just as easily get off other ways.

I think everyone should experiment solo and with partners to expand their menu if possible, but hey, at least they know what works! I have a few girlfriends who can ONLY get off via clit stimulation with a vibrator. Some of their partners are bothered by that, but they aren’t, and that’s what matters. They know their body and what they like.

What about you all – can you only get off one way? Can you only get off solo but not with a partner? Does it bother you if your partner can only get off one way? Do you think it’s important to train yourself to get off in many different ways? Have you ever been surprised at an atypical orgasm? Do you find a difference in how you respond when engaging in casual sex vs long-term partner sex?

What’s your favorite way to get off? Mine is lying back, relaxing, and having my pussy worshiped with an experienced tongue.

PS: Have you seen those videos where a woman gets off using a door? Never would’ve thought of that!

The #1 Way to Please Your Man: How to Give an Extraordinary Blowjob

By Kendra Holliday | August 26, 2014 at 5:15 am

I blow, therefore I am Goddess.

Oral sex is the #1 way to send your man into ecstasy. It feels incredible and few men can resist the opportunity for their cock to be worshipped and loved. Best of all, his deep gratitude is bound to pay off considerably later on when he eagerly returns the favor. Here is a breakdown on how to give a great blowjob, TBK style.

Great conversation topic

Before you put your mouth to good use, ask him what he likes so you know what to lay on thick and what to avoid. Does he like his balls licked? Teeth? Lots of suction? Strong head stimulation? Slow or fast? You can have this conversation over dinner or while sitting on the couch watching TV, but be prepared to stop what you are doing so you can practice. OR employ tech foreplay and do it over IM or text during the day so you can prime his pump for when you see each other that evening.

Tease him

Take the tease trail. For example, start by kissing your most fortunate test subject, then slowly head south, kissing and licking his nipples, chest, belly, thighs, balls, shaft, then finally make your way to his cock head.

Once you’re there, open your damn mouth. I keep hearing from both men and women about these women with small mouths who can’t get the job done. Despite what you might think, my mouth isn’t that big, and I can stuff something substantial in it. Though I can’t fit a soda can in it like I saw one woman do. That’s impressive. If you have TMJ/jaw issues, do the best you can and supplement with edible lube/hands.


Vanilla Night

By Kendra Holliday | August 17, 2014 at 9:51 am

Pretty please?

Pretty please?

You know how some people have a kinky night, where they bring out the fuzzy handcuffs and the whip cream in order to spice things up?

Well, every once in awhile – like, every three or four months – Matthew and I have a Vanilla Night.

We’re so used to fucking around with our kinky friends and enjoying extraordinary encounters, that we enjoy the challenge of switching gears and trying our damndest to be normal.

We even give ourselves normal names on these nights. Instead of Matthew and Kendra, we’re “Randall and Michelle.”

We’re monogamous, married eleven years, and he is pussy whipped and I’m a bitch.

Instead of me washing the dishes while he steps outside for a drink and a smoke, he cooks dinner AND does the dishes. I don’t say please or thank you.

Instead of talking about a porn clip or the upcoming pirate orgy, we discuss what we should get our friends Roger and Stacie for their big Chicago wedding, and if we should attend the baseball game while we’re in town. I tell him I’d rather go shopping and that he better not have more than two beers because he has to watch his carbs.


Local Couple Tries Grapefruit Trick!

By Kendra Holliday | August 12, 2014 at 11:57 am

Have you heard of the grapefruit trick?

I read this review from a woman who tried it and was intrigued. I love grapefruit, and my man loves blowjobs!

I asked him if he wanted to try it and he flat out said NO.

“Why not??” I exclaimed.

“I have a Tenga and a Fleshlight. Plus, I don’t like mixing food and sex.”

Fair enough. So much for getting my daily dose of Vitamin C (as in Cum!)

My friends tried it, though! Here is their experience:

Grapefruit trick!

Grapefruit trick!

“I watched with anticipation as she cut the grapefruit. I’ve had no experience with Fleshlights or any other sort of masturbatory vaginas, so I thought,  ‘This could be interesting!’

I lay back on the floor of my kitchen, towel beneath me as she stripped down to arouse me (and keep the citrus off her dress). She began by teasing me with her mouth, my penis coming to attention the flood the pleasure rushing to my head. My eyes were closed because the instructions called for the recipient to be blindfolded because the procedure was supposed to be a surprise.

Suddenly in the midst of the warmup came the main attraction. She slipped the fleshy citrus donut over my cock and squeezed it while continuing her ministrations. There were moments where I felt as though I were inside a Vagina Dentata, a soft, pocket purse of flesh with a hungry mouth at the other end.

And then there were other moments I was a dude with a piece of fruit on his dick.

I was thinking about Led Zeppelin’s “Lemon Song“: “Squeeze my lemon ’til the juice runs down my leg’, as it was a messy affair.

She sucked and licked while squeezing the grapefruit around me. “Slurp! Slush! Squish!”  My eyes rolled back in my head. Back and forth my mind went, between Toothed Pussy and Fruit Cock, the pleasure rising from the base of my balls, rising then holding, not going anywhere.

I had peaked and the  awareness of the cool sticky juice running my leg took over, and I asked her to stop. I didn’t want her to waste her time. I wasn’t going to cum this way. My lust had only taken me so far, what I really wanted was to be buried inside her listening to her moans of pleasure, something I couldn’t do covered in citric acid.

For hygienic purposes , I jumped in the shower and rinsed off, then met her in the bedroom where the games began in earnest! Orgasms for everyone!

Overall, I would have say I had more fun being smeared with Nutella. It’s messy, but the attention I get is greater than grapefruit. There’s nothing a grapefruit can compare to when someone is excellently working the shaft during a first rate blow job.

I would give it a 4 out of 10 as orgasmic tool. Worth trying, but sort of ‘Meh’ in the end.”

Tools and Tips for Women Seeking Orgasms

By Kendra Holliday | August 11, 2014 at 5:34 pm

Are you a woman who hasn’t had an orgasm in a few years? How about ever?

Want to expand your orgasmic repertoire?

Here you go. Read this post by Joan Price. Then, watch this.

Betty Dodson has been a pioneer of female orgasm for over 40 years. She’s 85 now, and while she tends to rub some people the wrong way, I have to admit she is on to something!

She’s known for her book Sex for One, as well as being a champion for the vulva and clitoris.

A few years ago, she had an advice column in Bust magazine, and I was dismayed at some of her replies. She seemed very dismissive of women masturbating outside the box and seemed to be on her way out, introducing her sidekick, Carlin Ross.

But then earlier this year, she caught my attention by pissing off a bunch of politically correct people at CatalystCon East. She joked about grabbing someone’s ass and fucking a dog or something, and people were outraged.

So that got me interested in her again, and then I heard her piece on the RISK! podcast and that was great. And then I read Jenny Block’s account of a group masturbation workshop hosted by Betty. Mark my words – we’re totally going to do something like that in St. Louis in the near future!

So I’m back to being a Betty fan (just like how Dan Savage won me over again by being bold and owning up to past foibles, while still sticking to his guns.)

My friend who is in her 40’s and newly dating just discovered the Hitachi Magic Wand. She CROWED about how she doesn’t NEED a man now! The wand helps her take the physical edge off when her hormones are raging, and allows her to take her time finding her next partner, one who is well-suited for her.

So, yeah. Click around this blog post and discover some new tools and tips. I love learning something sexy and new everyday!

And spreading the good word!

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