By Kendra Holliday | July 3, 2017
I have a dream girl named Steffy.
I call her my dream girl because every time I dream about something, she makes it come true!
Let me give you an example.
The other night she came over for a sweet and dirty little threesome with Matthew and me. We started out with some cocktails and conversation.
Then, we retired to the bedroom, which was bathed in a reddish, golden glow from the mood lighting decorating the walls.
I lounged on the bed as they stood before me. Steffy undergoes the most amazing transformation every time she stands next to big, hulking Matthew – she shrinks! She looks like a little girl, and she gets all giggly, too. She was wearing an adorable fuzzy pink vintage sweater, which made her appear even more feminine.
He circled her like a lion courting a lionness, the way a predator romances his prey, loving, respectful… and with great intent. He tilted her chin up, exposing her neck for him to nuzzle…
Overcome with excitement, I hopped up and wriggled between them and whispered, “I want a Butterfly Threesome.”
“What is that?” they asked.
“I want Matthew to be the body, and for us to be the wings on either side of him, and for him to go back and forth between us, until he finally cums inside Steffy.”
By Kendra Holliday | July 3, 2017
|The Purple Heart Medal is given to
soldiers wounded or killed.
What would a medal given to
women giving birth look like?
One time I pushed a 7 lb. baby out of my vagina.
Not only that, but I took the typical American route of childbirth and went to the hospital, got an epidural, laid on my back, had an episiotomy (a surgical incision in the perineum made to enlarge the vagina and assist childbirth), and had my baby vacuumed out of me. (One thing I didn’t experience was a C-section.) If all this sounds whack to you, I highly recommend you read Misconceptions by Naomi Wolf, and then watch The Business of Being Born and Orgasmic Birth.
Keep in mind that during my entire pregnancy, I read up on natural childbirth and walked into the hospital proudly carrying my birthing plan. But as soon as my water broke, I freaked out and cried and the birthing plan, with its birthing ball and breathing exercises, went out the window. Oh, how I wish I had a doula.
This was absolutely one of the hardest things I have done in my life. I have no idea how women do this more than once. It is one of the only times I have literally seen stars and fainted. The doctor stitched me up down there ala Frankenpussy.
After they took the urinary catheter out and my epidural wore off, I went to the bathroom. You know how you can stop and start the flow of urine? To my horror, the pee fell out of me. I had no control over it whatsoever. I wept. They gave me warm compresses to put on my traumatized pussy and told me not to have sex for six weeks.
Breastfeeding pretty much killed my sex drive, but we did have sex a month or two after I gave birth. And guess what? It hurt. The episiotomy scar was raw and intense. I kept waiting for my sex drive to return and for it to stop hurting during sex. Several times I thought I was broken forever, and that I’d never enjoy sex again like I did before. Dark times, people.
The whole point of this is to let all you new moms and dads know that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. I’m not sure if childbirth has something to do with it or if it’s just me sexually evolving, but I’m more orgasmic and love fucking more than ever.
Just don’t get me pregnant, OK?
Women should receive an equivalent to the Purple Heart medal that is given to wounded soldiers, except it should be for celebrating creativity instead of honoring destruction.
And remember – the next time you call someone a pussy, you are saying they are tough, amazing, resilient, and STRONG.
By Matthew | June 18, 2017
Ed Note: This is a guest post by my partner, Matthew. He is the father of two children.
A couple of weeks ago, I started hearing the yearly buzz of “Father’s Day” gifts, salutations and tributes. I started thinking a bit more in depth on the subject of Fatherhood and what it means to me.
Being a Father is synonymous to me with being a man. I hear so many people speak of “men” they know or have connections with and then start divulging details about these people.
I know women who demand flowers from their husbands as a way of apologizing for an act of relationship treason.
I know women who are dating “men” right now, but speak of nothing but their shortcomings.
I know of “men” whose wives have gotten up and walked away from them while they were eating her pussy.
I know of “men” who don’t make an effort to spend time with their children.
I know of “men” who can’t separate business from pleasure and vice versa.
I know of “men” who are so weak themselves, that they show their “strength” by preying on the eager and ignorant.
I know women who have settled for a “man”.
I know of “men” who live in their mother’s basement.
I know of “men” who can’t dress themselves.
I am sure you know plenty of “men” like this as well.
If a man has children, they are his number one priority.
By Kendra Holliday | June 7, 2017
I did this video announcing my new project: No Shave May!
I already have a head start with it, see? My pubes are trying to bust their way out of my lace panties!
I can’t get any of my lace panties to hold up these days. I’ve taken to hand washing and trying not to be too sexy for them.
I find the difference between guys who are into shaved heads and the guys who are into natural women fascinating. As a group, the shaved head guys came off as more entitled and disconnected, as if they owned every bald female head. Even though they claimed a woman with a shaved head was a sign of powerful confidence, they seemed to secretly get off on the humiliation factor.
The hairy armpit guys are more respectful and kind. I guess they are hippies after my own heart! These guys see hairy underarms as a badge of sensuality and supreme confidence.
I wonder how big my bush will get. I can’t remember the last time it was fully grown out. I’ll keep you posted on how my hair growth progresses!
By Kendra Holliday | June 6, 2017
I’ve been wearing a lot of sexy, slinky dresses lately sans stockings. I have to admit I felt nervous a couple times and wondered if anyone noticed my stubble. If they did, they didn’t mention it.
Here is my hairy leg, soaking in the tub:
It also feels strange saving a few steps getting ready for a date or going out. I keep thinking I need to budget an extra 15 minutes for shaving in the shower, but nope, I get to skip it! One woman commented online that shaving was “classy.” I guess that means I’m being uncouth? Oh well, I never claimed to be a lady!
SIGH. I’ll never get this hairy!
This pic was taken on a lazy Sunday morning, lounging around in bed, feeling furry and loved….
By Kendra Holliday | June 5, 2017
For about six weeks in 2012, which included the entire month of May, I did not shave anything on my body – legs, underarms, pubic area. (my recap video is here.)
This weekend, we had a shave party!
Let me show you the legs first. In this pic, I have one leg shaved – can you tell which one?
Let’s take a closer look:
I was glad to shave my calves – wearing skirts with hairy legs is fine. I loved feeling the breeze tickle the hair. But wearing pants or tights with hairy legs felt CREEPY and annoying.
Next, my crotch.
By Kendra Holliday | May 14, 2017
|Sex is like a mango|
I wrote this post six years ago, when my daughter was ten. Now she is sixteen, and still working through her teenage hormones!
Being pregnant was an incredibly interesting experience.
Having a baby was cute, fun and exhausting.
Toddlerhood was my least favorite stage – I felt like a classical music lover at a speed metal concert.
The solid kid stage (4-9) was the best, and I thought I’d get to enjoy it for another year or two, as my daughter just turned 10.
After all, I didn’t start freaking out until I was 12, and I got my period when I was 13. My mom didn’t get hers until she was 14.
Girls are developing much eariler these days thanks to improved health and diet. Surprise! My daughter is tweening, and it’s giving me whiplash.
One night this summer, the hormone fairy snuck in and replaced my sweet child with this half-finished mutant version of myself.
She’s starting to develop. She’s insisting on training bras and sanitary napkins for just in case. She’s crying one second and laughing the next. Have you ever heard about how bitchy trans folks get when they have their hormone shots? My daughter is as dramatic as a drag queen downing diva cocktails.
By Kendra Holliday | May 4, 2017
I’m 44 years old. Here is my life trajectory so far:
1973: I’m born in North Dakota. Brrrr!
1974: My family moves to Dallas, Texas.
1975: Who the hell knows.
1976: My brother is born.
1977: Um, Elvis dies?
1978: My sister is born. My brother throws up. I remember my first dream; I’m kidnapped by Captain Hook and held hostage with Raggedy Ann and Andy. He cuts off my foot and it looks like SpaghettiOs.
1979: My family moves to St. Louis.
1980: My baby brother is born, and dies two days later. My mom tries to kill herself several times, and when that fails, she burns his name into the back of her hand with a soldering iron. She is never the same again. A very dark time.
1981: Life still sucks. My mom is a complete wreck.
1982: My brother is born. My grandmother dies.
1983: I get molested by an older, adopted brother. It SUCKS. I get sent to therapy, and I don’t know why. I think I’m being punished. I am a victim.
1984: I have my first lesbian encounter. It’s hot and naughty. I’m 11.
1985: My baby sister is born. I drop her on her head, but don’t kill her. Skeptical about god’s involvement, I become an atheist.
1986: I hit puberty and middle school, and lose all my artistic talent and confidence. My family is poor white trash, and I am branded a zitty nerd. It sucks.
1987: My mom keeps getting crazier and crazier. It makes me crazy, and I attempt suicide. I spend time in three different mental hospitals. I lose my virginity to a 24 year old creep with a mustache because he keeps badgering me and I finally give in. It sucks.
1988: My moms tries to kill herself again. I put pressure on her slashed, gaping arms as my dad calls the ambulance. She gets hospitalized a lot, and OD’s, and gets shock treatment. I fuck around and feel very confused. It sucks.
By Kendra Holliday | April 26, 2017
We are living in a society that’s being run by immature men.
We are regressing as a country.
We need to cultivate MATURE masculinity.
Patriarchy is the fear of the feminine AND the mature masculine.
Feminism promotes the concept that women are equal to men, that women should not be held to a different (sub)standard. Most people think in terms of pay and ability, but feminism also encompasses human sexuality. See this article about how women want sex as much as men do, and how that dynamic flipped in our culture.
No wonder I have so many men coming to me begging for submissive experiences with a strong woman! Shit is SO out of whack, they need to go out of their way to carve out safe spaces for surrender and the worship of the sacred feminine.
This article by Doctor Nerdlove also addresses the problem of desire and gender disparity in our society and how it hurts ALL OF US. (He has more than 1000 articles on dating and relationships, by the way!)
Judy Singer, an Australian sociologist, was at a workshop that proposed the following exercise: Come up with a better set of Ten Commandments than God.
Her first one was, “Honor diversity.”
What would yours be?
I strongly recommend you read this essay on nudity and society if you ever feel powerless or overwhelmed at the site of a scantily clad woman.
After encountering an attractive woman who greeted us at the door wearing little more than a half-open robe, I waited until we were well down the road before letting loose a tirade of anger and frustration. I told my companion that it really bothered me seeing so many women in various states of undress. It was hard to focus and I felt weak and powerless around them. How were we to be strong and stay faithful? I had prayed and fasted about it constantly, and felt little strength in return. And I began to despise many of the women I encountered for “making” me feel that way. I then turned my frustration on him, wondering how he could possibly be so calm and seemingly indifferent to it all. Was he just pretending? Maybe he was on the edge of sanity, barely holding it together, putting up a brave though false front.
It’s cultural, and it’s harmful.
By Kendra Holliday | April 11, 2017
I’ve had this “I Dream of Jeannie” outfit for a few years.
I got it as a hand-me-down from a fancy woman who was downsizing her closet. It wasn’t my style at all (I hardly ever wear pants anymore!), but I loved how flowy and comfy it was – all sea foam green and billowing in the breeze.
I wore it with a white shirt to a concert in Forest Park, right after I got my hysterectomy in 2012. It’s like wearing PJ’s in public.
Now that it’s spring, I got it out to wear it again, and discovered the hanger it was on gave it unsightly yellow stains, so I couldn’t even donate it. It had to be trashed.
But I believe in trashing in style! Anytime I get a run in a stocking or something gets ruined, I don’t just wad it up and pitch it. I let it go out with a BANG!
So after teasing my partner like a matador does to a bull
By Kendra Holliday | April 10, 2017
The other day my friend Sissy Maid bought a cheap cock cage.
Here it is:
It didn’t fit right, so now it just resides on the coffee table as a conversation piece. Sad!
That got me researching cock cages/male chastity devices. I’d love to organize a crowdfunding project for him to get a high quality cage. It might be the first fundraising project of its kind! He definitely deserves it – he’s such a good sissy! Don’t you think it would go over well – ensuring one less cock wandering our streets with impunity?
But is playing with male chastity dangerous? Read this column by Dan Savage. Of course the medical doctor expert with no experience on the subject Dan consulted warns against this type of play, but those who have years of personal experience with it assure us that it’s not damaging to the family jewels. You can read up on it yourself in one of many chastity forums. There’s also the helpful blog aggregator called Keyheld.
I learned about the Curve, but I heard it’s not the best.
There’s the Birdcage.
There’s also the CB6000.
Ultimately, I learned about THIS company from a friend of mine who has a caged cock fetish:
By Kendra Holliday | March 30, 2017
I’ve been flitting around so much tying men up and sticking things up their bums and torturing balls, I haven’t had a chance to write much. I miss writing! I have so much I want to share and process.
But in the meantime, I enjoyed a candlelit bath.
Water is female energy, so ritual cleansing is a great way to counter balance all the male energy I deal with.
Yin – female, water, moon, mysterious
Yang – male, fire, sun, overt
Bathing in warm water is like being back in the womb, so pure and comforting. Speaking of, have you tried FLOATing yet? Sensory deprivation chamber. Very meditative, like getting a massage without being touched. I’ve done it three times, and each experience is different. I’ve fallen asleep, had mild hallucinations, sorted thoughts, escaped from reality…
By Kendra Holliday | March 17, 2017
We all have a light side, and a dark side – sacred, and profane.
I have a couple friends who bring out my dark side, and one evening I hung out with both of them, and that made for a dark and crazy night!
Let’s call them Ziztur and Dr Doom. Ziztur took all these pics. Dr Doom brought the human skull. They both collect medical oddities and are experts in health and anatomy.
I did a play piercing session with Ziztur years ago
and wanted to try it again. I found it fascinating, and loved how the endorphin rush felt after the needles came out.
So, we arranged an elaborate play piercing party. I was expecting it to be pretty tame, so I was pretty shocked at how weird things got!
Here’s me drinking wine out of a beaker – ha, it looks like piss!
Ziztur is super creative and talented. She pierced my back, then glued feathers to the needles. I brought a bird mask, and voila – creepy bird lady!
By Kendra Holliday | February 27, 2017
I’m SO behind on updating this damn website!!
I have posts in draft and adventures to share, but they keep stacking up as I keep putting out fires (menopause hormones!), attending events, and playing with clients.
The pic above was taken by my friend Mike Estes at Naughti Gras, an erotic art show that happens every Feb in St Louis. This year was the 10th one, and it was better than ever!
Mike built that super deluxe cross I’m chained to, and guess what? After the show, I got to take it home! It’s in my dungeon, hooray! It has really good energy – so many sexy people posed with it at the show, from burlesque dancers to fire breathers and fetish freaks.
It’s been years since I’ve done a shoot with Mike. He documented my Coming Out party, as well as a few other events.
Red seems to be the theme color…
By Kendra Holliday | February 13, 2017
Since you asked… here is a list of some of my favorite things:
Cash, of course!
Wouldn’t it be awesome if the gas, water and electric companies offered gift certificates? What would be more loving than gifting someone with a hot bath, a home cooked meal, or cooling or heating?
Amazon gc – send gift certificates to firstname.lastname@example.org – I looooove books so much! And they sell pretty much everything else.
GiftRocket online gift card – versatile and easy!
Whole Foods gc – or Trader Joe’s, Global Foods, Dierberg’s, Schnucks local grocery stores. I don’t eat mammals or birds, but I do eat seafood, veggies, fruit….I love ethnic food like sushi, Indian, Vietnamese, Ethiopian
A donation to
Planned Parenthood – because I believe in accessible health care.
Worldwide Fistula Fund – The Worldwide Fistula Fund is an incubator, funder, and promoter of innovative solutions to improve global women’s reproductive health.
Etsy gc – support artists!
Target gc – I’m a sucker
Flowers and gifts from Fleur de Lou – they sell lots of sexy and kinky flower arrangements, and also have whimsical gifts. I like when flowers last more like a week as opposed to three days, so the hardier ones are better, though I do like roses and fleeting exotic flowers like orchids. My favorite color rose is the peachy one with blush tones. I don’t like pink as much and I can’t stand the smell of cloying lilies, too funeral home. I keep my flowers in my dining room, which has green walls and lots of colorful jewel tones. Daisies, carnations, sunflowers are great. I like colorful.
Soft Surroundings gc – I looove soft clothes and blankets!
Earthbound gc – hippie fashion!
Shoes – size 7, no sandals
Mystic Valley gc – for my witchy things!
Cheryl’s Herbs gc – more healing magical opportunities! I got a scent there called Goddess…
Shameless Grounds gc – one of my favorite places in St Louis!
Godiva milk chocolate and truffle assortments
DeBrand is even finer, but is based in Fort Wayne IN and worth a goddamn road trip!
Merb’s milk chocolate covered strawberries is local and scrumptious
Soaprocks – these are so cool!
Demeter – they sell so many fun scents, some of my favs are New Leaf, Firefly, Grapefruit Tea, Sushi, Silvery Pekoe, New Zealand, Pipe Tobacco, Leather…
Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab – just look at this website!! I have a scent called Bewitched…
FLOAT gc – I love FLOAT, it’s like being in the womb, getting a massage without being touched. You should try it, too!
Massage – my baby sis is my massage therapist, she is excellent! You can sponsor a massage for me, or book one for yourself! She’s located in South City. If I know you in real life, I’m happy to refer you.
Victoria’s Secret – I tend to wear a medium, but sometimes L depending on the style and brand, 36B. My body is average (5′ 4″, 140 lbs) but my mind is extraordinary! I don’t like thongs or g-strings. I prefer timeless and VINTAGE looks over trendy – black, bright colors, jewel tones
Liquor – Bombay Sapphire / Beefeater / Tanqueray gin, Maker’s Mark whisky, bourbon galore, Ketel One / Grey Goose / Belvedere / Sobieski vodka, Kraken rum, American Honey, peach brandy, Chardonnay, champagne, or any other premium liquor brand you want me to experience
I also like coffee, tea, and Kombucha.
How about you? What are some of your favorite things?