The Night I Almost Died

By Kendra Holliday | August 12, 2017

He’s got my back.

If you have seen me since June 5 and are glad about it, then please thank my partner Matthew for saving my life. If you know him, shake his hand.

On June 4, after months of angst and confusion, I was ready to die by suicide. I loved life, but it was all too much to bear.

I’ve had many death fantasies over the years.

When I was homeless, I thought I had no place in this world and wanted to leave.

When I was a stripper, I felt trapped and helpless.

There was one job I hated so much, I used to fantasize about getting in a car accident on the way there.

In 2010/2011 when I was going through the hell of being fired and sued and almost losing everything I had – home, money, daughter, dignity – I contemplated suicide.

But the only time I’ve ever actually attempted suicide was as a teenager. I overdosed on a bottle of pills and ended up puking and having charcoal shoved down my nose by a tube and then locked in the psych ward for a month. So much stinging and tears. It was NOT a good environment for healing, but at least it removed me from the toxic chaos of my home life.

This year, I encountered something so unexpected, so intangible, it caught me completely off guard. I went into primal fight or flight mode. I didn’t know what it was, but I had to escape.

I was temporarily insane.

So, I started planning. I got my affairs in order. I made sure my life insurance papers were handy. I plotted out where it would be and what I would wear, and who would find my body. I created a soft nest in a safe place. I picked out a pretty nightgown. I built an altar around my safe place – surrounding it with photos of my daughter, my love voodoo bag, and the ashes of my friend.

I picked up the supplies I needed for ending my life painlessly and quickly. I know of an effective and accessible technique; I learned it from a scientist. Every time I hear of a person killing themselves by hanging, shooting, cutting, or overdose, I pity their suffering and wish they knew of this better, more humane method.

(more…)

My Blogging rEvolution

By Kendra Holliday | July 30, 2017

I’ve been blogging since 2006. At one point, I was posting 5-7 days a week. I was a blogging FIEND.

Choose your porn sites wisely!

This current iteration of my blogging career features 575 posts. I consider it my vita. People see the topics I cover and how open and honest I am and feel compelled to reach out to me. They know they can tell me ANYTHING.

Blogging was my internship for what I do for a “loving” now – talking consultations, intimacy sessions, fantasy facilitation, play party hosting, and SO much more.

Back when I was a baby blogger, people would contact me and say, “You are SO fascinating. I’d like to meet you for coffee and pick your brain!”

At first, I was flattered. Who, me? I have no degree, I have no license. I have no letters – M.D., LSW, Ph.D. – after my name. I’m just a friendly neighborhood MILF slut who puts it out there.

I am YOU – without a filter. I am YOU – raw, and without fear.

So, I did it a few times – met with strangers and let them gush eagerly at me and ask tons of questions. It felt very one-sided, like I was cooking them an exotic dish and they were gobbling it up with relish and leaving fulfilled. Meanwhile, I left feeling drained.

Why should I go hang out with a stranger and help them on their journey and forsake time with my daughter, friends, family, and lovers?

So, I came up with a plan to thwart the intense – but super interesting! – invasion of my time and energy. The next time someone approached me, I returned with, “Sure, I can meet with you to discuss polyamory/fetishes/relationships/you name it. My rate is $60/hr.”

To my great surprise, they AGREED.

Wait, what? I’m not a licensed therapist. I’m not a certified life coach. I’m just a brave mom-next-door who’s in touch with her sexuality.

But, holy shit, it WORKED.

People were EAGER BEAVER to pay for my hands on experience, my alternative views, my judgement-free space, my wisdom, and most importantly – my female energy.

These are both me:

(more…)

Kendra Holliday Podcast Interviews

By Kendra Holliday | July 29, 2017

I LOOOVE podcasts. Do you listen to any? I hear that only 1 in 5 people do. They’re SUCH a wealth of information, community and connection.

Below are podcasts I’ve been featured on – the most recent is at the top.

August 20, 2017: About Sex with Angela Skurtu: Thorn and her Mother Kendra Holliday – Asexuality, Raising a Child to be Sex Positive – A Teen’s Perspective

August 2, 2017: Family Affairs: Sex-Positive Parenting, featuring Sex Worker Kendra Holliday and her 16 year old daughter!

July 23, 2017: About Sex with Angela Skurtu: Sex Surrogate Kendra Holliday and her partner Matthew discuss Polyamory, Masculinity, and anything Kinky

July 16, 2017: About Sex with Sex Therapist Angela Skurtu: Sex Surrogacy with Kendra Holliday and her partner Matthew

April 25, 2017: 057: BDSM: Shame, Humiliation, & Funnel Cakes

I had so much fun discussing creative sex play and humiliation with host Ben Robbins.

This one followed up an interview we did a month earlier.

March 25, 2017: 054: Escorting, Specialty Fetish and Non-Traditional Sex Therapy

Ah yes, good times!

Strangers podcast was by far the most popular one, where I talk about Sex Surrogacy.

April, 2016: Sexistential

Host Lea Thau visited me at my home. It was a nice change having a microphone stuck in my face instead of a penis, LOL!

March 28, 2011: Interview with Sex is Fun, all about my painful coming out process as a sex-positive activist.

October, 2010. Another interview about my coming out, this time with Life on the Swingset, right as it was happening.

October, 2010. This one is all about anal! with Life on the Swingset. I love how Cooper Beckett was celebrating pegging back before it was all the rage!

Those are all the ones I remember. I’ll keep this post updated with any new interviews. I’d love to have my own podcast, but I know how much time and energy it takes.

What are your favorite sex or human interest podcasts? Are there any you’d like to see me featured on?

I like Guys We Fucked, RISK!, Savage Lovecast, The Intimate Lifestyle, HiPPiE WiTCH, and Death, Sex and Money. One I just learned about is The Manwhore Podcast – he recently conducted an interview with an erotic massage sex worker as he received a happy ending! Another one new to me is The Mental Illness Happy Hour – the host often covers sexual shame and secret fantasies. It gets pretty deep. Check out the survey section on his website!

She Let Him In

By Kendra Holliday | July 26, 2017

Ed Note: This is a short story my 16 year old daughter wrote about a young virgin woman being coerced into sex. Nothing like this has happened to my daughter, but I was struck at how much it captured my first experience having sex with a man. I was 16; he was 24. Please be warned that this is an intense piece of writing. A good writer makes the reader FEEL.

Violated and shell shocked

“So, you like guys?” asks Tim, grinning, one eyebrow arched high above sky blue eyes.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Tiffany replies, suspicious of the upperclassman’s intentions.

“Well, I’ve never seen you kiss a guy,” he laughs, crow like, a short wheezing sound like a caw. “How would I know?”

“I like guys,” Tiffany insists, pulling up her bra strap. “Do I need to prove it to you?”

“Mm,” Tim purrs thoughtfully, an over articulated sound of dirty thought “Maybe.”

Maybe not, thinks Tiffany hotly, but she has been waiting so long for this. They both have. Tim, she knows, especially. It will be her first time. Tim has been more excited about it than she has, she’s certain, but she’s sure it will be wonderful. It has to be, right? That’s what he told her. His first time was, he said, and he has become very experienced. He’ll show her, he promised, and she knew he would. He’s great at sex, he wouldn’t lie about that. He’ll show her.

“Come on, baby,” Tim pulls her down across the bed by her bare shoulder, laying her across his lap as he reclines, stripped down to his underwear, ill fitting briefs too small.

She doesn’t know this was intentional, but he does. He knows how to present his package perfectly, and she’ll never be any the wiser. It’s not like she’s seen another guy’s penis before. She’ll love it. Tiffany’s name escapes his mind again, but it does not matter. He’ll never escape hers, and he loves it. It was meant to be.

Tiffany sits uncomfortably, finding herself frozen and small in Tim’s warm presence, his personality becoming overbearing and hot the longer she sits in the palm of his hand, undeniably becoming aware that maybe she doesn’t want to be here.

Tim strokes her hair, and she shudders, then tries to relax.

“Are you ready?” Tim asks, and Tiffany finds herself nodding, though her throat clogs, and she is unable to say otherwise.

(more…)

How to Eat My Pussy

By Kendra Holliday | July 17, 2017

The more you know,
the more you grow.

Earlier I posted something on how to suck dick. Since women are more complex, I won’t pretend to know exactly what they all want. Some like more pressure, some like less direct stimulation, etc. But I do know what I want, so listen up! Take notes for our date…

——-
“If her legs ain’t trembling like Bambi, you ain’t eatin’ it right.” – from this HILARIOUS video about eating pussy
——-

1. Start at my head and slowly work your way down. Kiss me, pet me, stroke my hair. Delight in the curves and valleys of my breasts, my belly, my hips, my thighs. I usually like lying on my back to receive your oral worship.

2. Kiss the inside of my thighs. Inhale my scent. Lick up and down my slit.

I love licking Lana!

I love licking!

3. Sure, tongue fuck me and all that good stuff. Then, focus on my clit. The key is the right speed and pressure. Don’t glue your mouth to it. Back up a little to give your tongue room to dance. Pretend you’re a cat lapping cream. Or, gently suck on my clit like it’s a teeny tiny dick – because it is! We all have the same parts down there, just different shapes and sizes!

4. Keep it steady, focus. If you get tired (it might take a few minutes, especially if we’re new to each other) take a breather and kiss on my thighs again, or play with some sex toys, buzzz. But get back to it when you’re ready! And feel free to ask if the pressure/speed is right. And don’t be offended if I offer a little guidance – good communication is key to great sexy time.

5. I like it even more if you put a finger or dildo inside me while you’re lickin’. You can move it slowly inside and out, or just rest it there. The sensation of having something inside is nice enough just on it’s own. I like to feel it when my muscles contract with the orgasm.

6. You’ll know I’m getting close when my legs tense up and I get quiet. And you’ll know when I cum cuz I’ll hyperventilate and erupt with some sexy or primal noise, and possibly grab your head. I might even cry, “You’re making me cum!!!” If we’re in church, I’ll just whisper to you that I’m cumming, so that you know what’s goin’ on, you sent me over the edge, yessss!

7. You can keep it up for a bit afterwards, I don’t go instantly sensitive. And usually after I cum I’m good n’ wet, it’s my fav foreplay, and I’m ready to fuck!

But first, I’ll give you a gold star.

This was taken in a shady glen in the country

This was taken in a shady glen in the country

Ladies, how do YOU like your pussy licked?

 

Game of Thrones

By Kendra Holliday | July 16, 2017

Ruthless

Ruthless Mottherfucker

I wrote this post in 2013!!!

I didn’t mean to, but I got obsessed with Game of Thrones.

I try to avoid television series – they’re too much of a commitment. I hardly ever have time to sit around and watch TV – in fact, I don’t even have a TV, but I do have a laptop and a partner who likes his big TV. Also, it’s his fault I became a GoT freak – he turned me onto the show.

Here are the series I’ve tried:

1. Sex and the City – I watched all of them, and am embarrassed to admit it

2. Six Feet Under – didn’t make it to the end, bailed when the gay guy got robbed

3. Deadwood – I loved it

4. Dexter – bailed by the 3rd season or so

5. True Blood – bailed after 20 minutes, too violent

I can’t stand blood and guts, so I avoided GoT, but finally my partner convinced me to give it a try. “There are some really hot scenes,” he cajoled.

Yay for whores and brothels and group sex!

(more…)

My Orgasm Experiment

By Kendra Holliday | July 13, 2017

My friend offered to conduct an orgasm experiment with me!

For science!

For science!

He came over wearing a lab coat, carrying a clipboard and some measuring equipment.

We wanted to see how long it would take me to orgasm while he measured my heart rate and blood pressure every minute. We also audio recorded it.

He got me hooked up to the portable blood pressure monitor and sat by my bed, dutifully holding the clipboard and taking notes.

I stripped down and grabbed my new wireless Magic Wand.

“What are you going to fantasize about?” he asked.

“I think I’ll go with recalling some erotica I read earlier today about a virgin who gets impregnated on an island by a caveman, that was pretty hot.”

He nodded, then offered, “Here’s what I think you’d be into – imagine Matthew calls you up and is with another woman and is giving her an orgasm and wants you to listen.”

“OH that sounds good, too, I like it! And no doubt he’ll get off, too!”

With that, I was ready to rock. RIGHT as I was about to hit record, my next door neighbor fired up his motorcycle right outside my bedroom window! Arrghh!

My Doctor said, “We can wait a minute, he’ll leave soon.”

(more…)

Butterfly Threesome

By Kendra Holliday | July 3, 2017

Martin Johnson Heade [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

I have a dream girl named Steffy.

I call her my dream girl because every time I dream about something, she makes it come true!

Let me give you an example.

The other night she came over for a sweet and dirty little threesome with Matthew and me. We started out with some cocktails and conversation.

Then, we retired to the bedroom, which was bathed in a reddish, golden glow from the mood lighting decorating the walls.

I lounged on the bed as they stood before me. Steffy undergoes the most amazing transformation every time she stands next to big, hulking Matthew – she shrinks! She looks like a little girl, and she gets all giggly, too. She was wearing an adorable fuzzy pink vintage sweater, which made her appear even more feminine.

He circled her like a lion courting a lionness, the way a predator romances his prey, loving, respectful… and with great intent. He tilted her chin up, exposing her neck for him to nuzzle…

Overcome with excitement, I hopped up and wriggled between them and whispered, “I want a Butterfly Threesome.”

“What is that?” they asked.

“I want Matthew to be the body, and for us to be the wings on either side of him, and for him to go back and forth between us, until he finally cums inside Steffy.”

(more…)

The Many & the Proud: Vaginas Deserve Purple Hearts

By Kendra Holliday | July 3, 2017

The Purple Heart Medal is given to
soldiers wounded or killed.
What would a medal given to
women giving birth look like?

One time I pushed a 7 lb. baby out of my vagina.

Not only that, but I took the typical American route of childbirth and went to the hospital, got an epidural, laid on my back, had an episiotomy (a surgical incision in the perineum made to enlarge the vagina and assist childbirth), and had my baby vacuumed out of me. (One thing I didn’t experience was a C-section.) If all this sounds whack to you, I highly recommend you read Misconceptions by Naomi Wolf, and then watch The Business of Being Born and Orgasmic Birth.

Keep in mind that during my entire pregnancy, I read up on natural childbirth and walked into the hospital proudly carrying my birthing plan. But as soon as my water broke, I freaked out and cried and the birthing plan, with its birthing ball and breathing exercises, went out the window. Oh, how I wish I had a doula.

This was absolutely one of the hardest things I have done in my life. I have no idea how women do this more than once. It is one of the only times I have literally seen stars and fainted. The doctor stitched me up down there ala Frankenpussy.

After they took the urinary catheter out and my epidural wore off, I went to the bathroom. You know how you can stop and start the flow of urine? To my horror, the pee fell out of me. I had no control over it whatsoever. I wept. They gave me warm compresses to put on my traumatized pussy and told me not to have sex for six weeks.

Breastfeeding pretty much killed my sex drive, but we did have sex a month or two after I gave birth. And guess what? It hurt. The episiotomy scar was raw and intense. I kept waiting for my sex drive to return and for it to stop hurting during sex. Several times I thought I was broken forever, and that I’d never enjoy sex again like I did before. Dark times, people.

It took more than a year, but I finally fully healed and reclaimed my body (I breastfed for a year). I do my Kegel exercises and even have a vaginal barbell.

The whole point of this is to let all you new moms and dads know that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. I’m not sure if childbirth has something to do with it or if it’s just me sexually evolving, but I’m more orgasmic and love fucking more than ever.

Just don’t get me pregnant, OK?

Women should receive an equivalent to the Purple Heart medal that is given to wounded soldiers, except it should be for celebrating creativity instead of honoring destruction.

And remember – the next time you call someone a pussy, you are saying they are tough, amazing, resilient, and STRONG.

The Father, The Son, and The Wholly Man

By Matthew | June 18, 2017

“Fatherhood” by Viktor Mikhaylovich Vasnetsov

Ed Note: This is a guest post by my partner, Matthew. He is the father of two children.

A couple of weeks ago, I started hearing the yearly buzz of “Father’s Day” gifts, salutations and tributes.  I started thinking a bit more in depth on the subject of Fatherhood and what it means to me.

Being a Father is synonymous to me with being a man. I hear so many people speak of “men” they know or have connections with and then start divulging details about these people.

I know women who demand flowers from their husbands as a way of apologizing for an act of relationship treason.

I know women who are dating “men” right now, but speak of nothing but their shortcomings.

I know of “men” whose wives have gotten up and walked away from them while they were eating her pussy.

I know of “men” who don’t make an effort to spend time with their children.

I know of “men” who can’t separate business from pleasure and vice versa.

I know of “men” who are so weak themselves, that they show their “strength” by preying on the eager and ignorant.

I know women who have settled for a “man”.

I know of “men” who live in their mother’s basement.

I know of “men” who can’t dress themselves.

I am sure you know plenty of “men” like this as well.

If a man has children, they are his number one priority.

(more…)

No Shave May!

By Kendra Holliday | June 7, 2017

I did this video announcing my new project: No Shave May!

I already have a head start with it, see? My pubes are trying to bust their way out of my lace panties!

My pubic hair

I can’t get any of my lace panties to hold up these days. I’ve taken to hand washing and trying not to be too sexy for them.

I find the difference between guys who are into shaved heads and the guys who are into natural women fascinating. As a group, the shaved head guys came off as more entitled and disconnected, as if they owned every bald female head. Even though they claimed a woman with a shaved head was a sign of powerful confidence, they seemed to secretly get off on the humiliation factor.

The hairy armpit guys are more respectful and kind. I guess they are hippies after my own heart! These guys see hairy underarms as a badge of sensuality and supreme confidence.

I wonder how big my bush will get. I can’t remember the last time it was fully grown out. I’ll keep you posted on how my hair growth progresses!

Update on No Shave May

By Kendra Holliday | June 6, 2017

I’ve been wearing a lot of sexy, slinky dresses lately sans stockings. I have to admit I felt nervous a couple times and wondered if anyone noticed my stubble. If they did, they didn’t mention it.

Here is my hairy leg, soaking in the tub:

Haven’t shaved since late April

It also feels strange saving a few steps getting ready for a date or going out. I keep thinking I need to budget an extra 15 minutes for shaving in the shower, but nope, I get to skip it! One woman commented online that shaving was “classy.” I guess that means I’m being uncouth? Oh well, I never claimed to be a lady!

SIGH. I’ll never get this hairy!

This chest makes an excellent tuffet

This pic was taken on a lazy Sunday morning, lounging around in bed, feeling furry and loved….

 

 

No Shave May: Before & After Pics!

By Kendra Holliday | June 5, 2017

For about six weeks in 2012, which included the entire month of May, I did not shave anything on my body – legs, underarms, pubic area. (my recap video is here.)

This weekend, we had a shave party!

Let me show you the legs first. In this pic, I have one leg shaved – can you tell which one?

One of these legs is not like the other…

Let’s take a closer look:

Hairy leg closeup

I was glad to shave my calves – wearing skirts with hairy legs is fine. I loved feeling the breeze tickle the hair. But wearing pants or tights with hairy legs felt CREEPY and annoying.

Next, my crotch.

.

.

Just kidding.

(more…)

The Mango Talk: Sex-Positive Conversations with Kids

By Kendra Holliday | May 14, 2017

Sex is like a mango

I wrote this post six years ago, when my daughter was ten. Now she is sixteen, and still working through her teenage hormones! 

Being pregnant was an incredibly interesting experience.

Having a baby was cute, fun and exhausting.

Toddlerhood was my least favorite stage – I felt like a classical music lover at a speed metal concert.

The solid kid stage (4-9) was the best, and I thought I’d get to enjoy it for another year or two, as my daughter just turned 10.

After all, I didn’t start freaking out until I was 12, and I got my period when I was 13. My mom didn’t get hers until she was 14.

Girls are developing much eariler these days thanks to improved health and diet. Surprise! My daughter is tweening, and it’s giving me whiplash.

One night this summer, the hormone fairy snuck in and replaced my sweet child with this half-finished mutant version of myself.

She’s starting to develop. She’s insisting on training bras and sanitary napkins for just in case. She’s crying one second and laughing the next. Have you ever heard about how bitchy trans folks get when they have their hormone shots? My daughter is as dramatic as a drag queen downing diva cocktails.

(more…)

My Life Milestones

By Kendra Holliday | May 4, 2017

I’m 44 years old. Here is my life trajectory so far:

1973: I’m born in North Dakota. Brrrr!

My birthday suit, aka my first nude photoshoot

My birthday suit, aka my first nude photoshoot

1974: My family moves to Dallas, Texas.

1975: Who the hell knows.

1976: My brother is born.

1977: Um, Elvis dies?

Drinking the blood of Elvis

Drinking the blood of Elvis

1978: My sister is born. My brother throws up. I remember my first dream; I’m kidnapped by Captain Hook and held hostage with Raggedy Ann and Andy. He cuts off my foot and it looks like SpaghettiOs.

1979: My family moves to St. Louis.

1980: My baby brother is born, and dies two days later. My mom tries to kill herself several times, and when that fails, she burns his name into the back of her hand with a soldering iron. She is never the same again. A very dark time.

1981: Life still sucks. My mom is a complete wreck.

1982: My brother is born. My grandmother dies.

1983: I get molested by an older, adopted brother. It SUCKS. I get sent to therapy, and I don’t know why. I think I’m being punished. I am a victim.

1984: I have my first lesbian encounter. It’s hot and naughty. I’m 11.

1985: My baby sister is born. I drop her on her head, but don’t kill her. Skeptical about god’s involvement, I become an atheist.

1986: I hit puberty and middle school, and lose all my artistic talent and confidence. My family is poor white trash, and I am branded a zitty nerd. It sucks.

1987: My mom keeps getting crazier and crazier. It makes me crazy, and I attempt suicide. I spend time in three different mental hospitals. I lose my virginity to a 24 year old creep with a mustache because he keeps badgering me and I finally give in. It sucks.

1988: My moms tries to kill herself again. I put pressure on her slashed, gaping arms as my dad calls the ambulance. She gets hospitalized a lot, and OD’s, and gets shock treatment. I fuck around and feel very confused. It sucks.

(more…)

YouTube RSS

Recent Posts

My Penis and Everyone Else’s

It’s Called “Polyamory”

“What About Your Daughter?”

Archives

Twitter

TBK365

The noise. I’m not having it. 😖 https://t.co/ugN1RbYsfV

TBK365

😲 fake news https://t.co/pNyPThhMfq

TBK365

💓 https://t.co/qwvtp27Wpr

TBK365

I have a bonobo handshake date next week. Reading up. ☺️ https://t.co/JbExxKz586