By Kendra Holliday | April 28, 2013 at 4:20 pm
A woman recently asked me if I had any tips on how to talk dirty.
Um, not really.
I mean, I can do it, sort of, when I’m in the right mood, but I wouldn’t say it’s one of my specialties.
Still, she came to the right place, because I went out and asked some experts for advice.
Midori: “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. Slow it down, take your time. Pauses are rich. Use lush descriptions.”
Amy Jo Goddard: “It’s definitely not about vocabulary, it’s about play, permission, demeanor. In other words, confidence!”
I don’t know about you, but as someone who has lived in the middle of the United States all my life, I love dirty talk when it’s spoken with an accent or in a foreign language!
Speaking of the Midwest, I was connected to Galiana Chance, a phone sex operator and kink educator from Bloomington, Illinois. Here are her words of wisdom:
Kendra asked me to share an insight or two with all you Beautiful Kinders about incorporating dirty talk into your sex life. I’m delighted to do so, especially since I’ve been a fan of Kendra’s writings for two years!
Whether you’re in person or over the phone, the primary rule to successful dirty talk is the same as the primary rule of any successful sex act: enjoy yourself. Try to spend most of your mental energy enjoying the fact that you are with someone who could have chosen to be anywhere else, doing anything else, but instead chose to spend this time pursuing mutual pleasure with you! Try not to let self-critiquing interfere with your shared joy.
If we assume all partners involved like the thought of talking dirty, and everyone is going to muscle through their insecurities and try talking dirty anyway, here are a few tips to help you and your partner(s) explore:
By Kendra Holliday | April 27, 2013 at 7:19 am
I’ve had my yoni eggs for almost a year now. I’ve had them since before my hysterectomy.
I’ve futzed around with them off and on over the months, not really committing to them, just experimenting.
(Before you read any further, make sure you read my post yesterday all about yoni eggs so you know what the hell I’m talking about.)
One night, I had an intense phone conversation with my partner Matthew. Hectic life was getting in the way of our relationship and we weren’t feeling connected. The talk left me feeling agitated and upset. Exhausted, I went to sleep feeling like a smelly, wrung out dishrag.
At 3:40, I woke to great thunder and lightning. The tumultuous storm rattled the windows. I fretted and tried relaxing.
I drank a glass of wine.
I stuck my tiger’s eye yoni egg inside me – I wanted something inside. It was soo cold going in.
I frantically masturbated. When I came, I screamed. Then I cried hard, and fell back asleep. I had weird dreams, but don’t really remember them.
I woke to the alarm feeling dreary and drab, not refreshed.
My body clenched the egg tight, it didn’t want to let it go. I had to push it out, and when I did, it was really hot, and some ejaculate came with it.
More tears – this time from my pussy. More release.
By Kendra Holliday | April 26, 2013 at 7:41 am
I found out about yoni eggs by happenstance at one of Shine Goodie’s parties. Her friend Dail was there. Dail runs a collective art space downtown called Gya. A while back, she had hosted an event featuring a woman from Harlem named Makeda Voletta, aka Queen Lioness. Makeda leads workshops all over the country, featuring topics such as sensual strength training and sacred yoni eggs.
Dail was hopping around the kitchen bragging about the yoni egg she was wearing.
I looked for an amulet or something, but she laughed.
“You can’t SEE her. She’s inside me.”
OH. DUH. Yoni = female genital region – vulva, clitoris, vagina, etc.
“So what is its purpose?” I asked.
She gushed, “She helps me stay grounded, empowered, tight, toned, stimulated, CONNECTED.”
My eyes widened. I had to find out more.
Read Makeda’s Yoni Egg Basics overview.
By Kendra Holliday | April 21, 2013 at 7:51 am
Every time I see someone get a tattoo, I cringe.
It seems so PERMANENT.
I appreciate the concept of body art, but prefer it to be temporary, which is why henna is perfect for me.
My friend Alice has been experimenting with henna, and has been using me as a guinea pig.
Here is her first attempt. Before – see my cute little hysterectomy scars?
It didn’t. last very long – the henna wasn’t strong enough.
So a month later, she tried again, and we were much more pleased with the results!
By Kendra Holliday | April 21, 2013 at 7:27 am
Remember this RFT article that shocked the community three years ago? Take a moment to skim it, then let’s replace all the sex references with more innocuous FOOD references and see how it reads. Not as shocking, ey? Why is that?
Special thanks to Ms. Melissa Meinzer and The Riverfront Times for permission to revise the article for conservative consumption.
SFW: The St. Louis mom behind food blog the Beautiful Kind is outing herself
Kendra Holliday is a total chef. Go right ahead and say it — she does. She’s not hiding from it anymore.
In some ways, she’s always been honest about it. She’s unflinchingly blogged every detail of her baking life for years — she’s a talented, aproned, joyously partnered divorced mother, living and writing and baking (and yeah, it’s a lot of baking) in St. Louis.
Her blog, www.thebakingkind.com, details all of it. It has made her into a celebrity of sorts. It has cost her a job. She’s called it her second partner.
The blog has become a safe space for food-positive readers in St. Louis and all over the world to come together. It’s created a virtual community, and Holliday and some of her foodie friends want to take that momentum and push the Midwest forward into greater culinary freedom and openness.
And it’s hard to do that when you’re hiding. So Holliday is coming out.
By Kendra Holliday | April 21, 2013 at 6:21 am
I saw this stupid list titled 100 Foods You Should Eat Before You Die on a food blog, and was NOT impressed. Cocktails? Frito pie? Spam? Really? I’m sorry, but I don’t think you need to eat Spam before you die.
So, my omnivorous partner and I (me = a sushitarian, which means I’m vegetarian but eat sushi once a month, or more, depending on whether you buy me some or not) came up with a better version of the list, which is below. I’m no foodie, but I’m a hardcore worldly sensualist, so there you have it. I know this post is not sex-related, but it’s going to be linked to another post that is.
How many of these things have you tried? Do tell! And then next time, we’ll dig a little deeper…
1. Chocolate covered strawberries
2. Fried okra
4. Eggplant parmesan
5. Bagel & Lox
7. King crab legs
8. BBQ ribs
9. Young coconut
12. Black Truffle
17. Cheese Fondue
18. Habanero pepper
19. Vegetable korma
20. Chile relleno
21. Chilled cherry soup
23. New England Clam Chowder
26. Crickets, larvae, locusts, or some other insect
27. Garlic stuffed olives
28. Dandelions (leaves, flowers or roots)
29. Fresh pineapple
By Kendra Holliday | April 19, 2013 at 5:52 am
Here is how to ensure teenagers get pregnant and STIs:
- shame and scare them
- refuse to educate them
Sooo… how about we not do that?
Our society is obsessed with sex, but for the most part, mainstream culture either avoids frank discussion about sex, or it sensationalizes it in an unhealthy, negative way.
Children find this mixed message very confusing. ADULTS do, as well!
Many people are working hard to infuse our country with an open, honest sex-positive message, myself included.
As a mother, I was keenly interested to learn of a performance piece featuring a teen/parent sex ed theme hosted at The Ethical Society, a welcoming home for humanists with the motto Deed, not Creed, and sponsored by a local organization called Teen Pregnancy and Prevention Partnership.
I attended the program with my 12-year-old daughter.
By Kendra Holliday | April 15, 2013 at 3:53 pm
The Top 5 reasons why people contact me are, in this order:
1. He’s a married man in his 50′s or 60′s whose wife is not interested in sex (mismatched libido)
2. He/she has some sort of sexual issue they want to work through
3. He/she is interested in branching out sexually, either because they are in transition, not getting laid, or curious about non-monogamy
4. He/she (mostly he) has a fetish and are ashamed/seeking an outlet
5. They want to meet me, and possibly rub me for good luck
My goal is to offer tools, connections, and options to people so that they can become happier and healthier. Sex is my specialty, which ties into work, family, personal – everything!
Here is a list of resources I most often recommend to my clients:
By Kendra Holliday | April 13, 2013 at 9:46 am
My date night this week was crazy intense.
Wednesday nights are Matthew and my sacred date nights. This means that as long as we’re both in town, we are together and enjoying life in some way. Sometimes we double date, or have a threesome, or foursome or moresome. Sometimes we’re hosting an event. We especially love when it’s just the two of us (it feels so rare!) so we can soak up some precious quality time. Our date themes range from dive bar crawls, movie nights, a fancy dinner, a BDSM scene, reviewing sex toys, to sitting on the couch in our comfy clothes eating ice cream and laughing our faces off.
And of course, sex. As much sex as possible. Sex helps us feel connected and close.
Last night, our top priority was booking our flight to Vienna. It’s been on our radar for months. Both of us have never been to Europe before, and we chose Vienna for our first city to visit. I heard it’s romantic, brilliant, amazing, the City of Music, the seat of power for many world empires.
We queued up Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony, then sat down in front of the laptop.
Initially, we had planned to enlist Beethoven’s Fifth for a BDSM scene (we’re celebrating each symphony in a special way, just do a search for “Beethoven” on this site and you can review). But fuck, booking a big trip is almost as intense as getting flogged blindfolded and shocked unexpectedly and having your face fucked.
By Kendra Holliday | April 9, 2013 at 6:38 am
Ed Note: Here is Matthew’s version of my post yesterday featuring a Professor/student threesome roleplay…
All the details are in place. The ladies are to be in skirts for easy access with no bras or panties when I arrive. I am the Professor. They are my students and roommates. I have seen them all semester in the back of my class giggling and smiling away. They ask me to stop by their house so they can ask me a few important things about their education. I oblige.
“So…what can I do for you ladies?” They dance around the subject for a bit. Playing with their hair and smiling at each other nervously.
They finally get around to telling me they are worried about their grades and are hoping for some extra credit to keep their scholarships.
I inform them that I don’t offer extra credit and that if they would have read the syllabus they would know that. They resort to pleading.
“You two seem like you absolutely NEED this.”
“Yes!!! We’ll do whatever you want!” they answer, almost simultaneously.
The ball is rolling in my head.
“Really?” I inquire coolly.
I start circling them. The blonde one won’t keep her back to me. The brunette lowers her head like a puppy whenever I close in on her.
“I think there is something I can do here, but on one condition. You absolutely MUST keep this a secret.”
“Oh yes. We can keep a secret!!!”
I continue circling them. Stop near each of them alternately to graze their hair, inspect their waistlines or smell their necks from behind.
They confirm my suspicion that they are “really close friends” as they start kissing after I tell them to prove their “closeness”.