By Kendra Holliday | June 9, 2016
As I prepare for my flight to NYC for Tantra training, I was reminded of one of the most interesting plane rides I’ve ever had – and keep in mind I’m a member of the Mile High Club, so that’s saying something.
I was flying home from Los Angeles to St. Louis, and a pretty young woman sat down next to me.
She noticed my book and asked, “Excuse me, but what are you reading?”
I told her it was about werewolf prostitutes. I could tell this vivacious minx thought I was a regular mom, so that perked her right up, and gave her a sign that I might be cool.
Turns out she was a 24 yr old stripper from LA on her way to visit one of her sugar daddies in St. Louis, a Porsche-driving, 30 something in the Central West End.
She drank three vodkas on the plane and opened up to me about all the coke parties, working as a receptionist at an escort service, her great love of weed, fucking her roommate/best friend’s boyfriend (“He started it!”), and all the wild parties she attended in Hollywood Hills. She had a thing for dark complected men, and cheerfully ranked her top 10 lovers for me.
As she twirled her tousled brown hair and fiddled with her Tiffany necklace, she recited with rolling eyes, a wicked grin, and shrugging shoulders, “The guy I’m seeing in St. Louis is #3. Marco is #2, he’s the best in bed EVER, and Miguel is #1, he keeps breaking my heart, but I hang up on his ass and that slays him… Dylan is #5, he drives a Hummer. I had my first threesome with oh, what’s his name, well he’s #7 anyway…”
HA! So I was sitting next to a witch, one of those women who dances with the devil in the pale moonlight, an “It” girl, a seductress. Heck, she got up to use the bathroom and a guy sitting on the plane took one look at her and asked for her phone number!
By Kendra Holliday | June 4, 2016
This is a picture of me from the 3rd grade. Looking at it, it’s hard to believe I was molested – I mean, wouldn’t those ginormous nerd goggles be repellent enough, not to mention the shitty haircut and goofy fashion?
Then again, my opportunistic molester was pretty homely too, and wasn’t very picky. I daresay he had bad taste in children.
But this ugly child grew up to be a gorgeous goddess. Here are some steps I took in my maturity makeover:
Braces – My parents could only afford braces for one of their five kids, so they chose my sister. That means I made it to adulthood with one of my front teeth jutting out. In grade school, kids would come up to me all the time and inform me, “You have a crooked tooth.” LIKE I DIDN’T KNOW. I was self-conscious about smiling, so I scowled a lot.
Finally, when I was married and DINK (double income, no kids), I took the plunge and got Invisalign braces. I’M SO GLAD I DID IT. It was worth every penny (how many pennies are in $4000? oh never mind). Now I wear a retainer at night whenever I feel like it, which is about half the time. I’ve only broken it once. Flossing is so much easier.
Heart zapped – In 2000 I birthed my daughter vaginally – hooray! I didn’t want an epidural or a c-section, but I sure did freak out and request the epidural as soon as my labor pains kicked in for real.
My doctor took it upon herself to give me an episiotomy (a surgical cut in the muscular area between the vagina and the anus), which took a long time to heal. But further north, the pregnancy took other tolls on my body – my heart.
It had trouble keeping up with the extra blood flow and work involved with carrying another person around inside me for months, so it started to misfire. I developed SVT – Supraventricular tachycardia. My heart would sometimes race 300 beats a minute, which was inconvenient and scary. The solution was a procedure where they snake a laser up through your groin to your heart and zap the naughty part and kill it. So my heart has a scar.
The procedure cured my condition, but that zap also signaled the end of my marriage. I woke up from the procedure and everything changed in my life. My heart was fixed and broken, all at once.
By Kendra Holliday | June 3, 2016
One of my favorite goddess sheroes, Annie Sprinkle, posted about why whores are her heroes on facebook.
A few hours later, not only was the post deleted, but she was kicked off facebook for three days for celebrating the sacred beauty of sex work!
— Annie Sprinkle (@AnnieSprinkle) June 4, 2016
Ah well, you can do a google search for images of her and enjoy her words below.
Have a lovely International Whores Day everyone!
WHY WHORES ARE MY HEROES
Whores have good senses of humor.
Whores challenge sexual mores.
Whores are playful.
Whores are tough.
Whores have careers based on giving pleasure.
Whores are creative.
Whores are adventurous and dare to live dangerously.
Whores teach people how to be better lovers.
Whores are multi-cultured and multi-gendered.
Whores give excellent advice and help people with their personal problems.
Whores have fun.
Whores wear exciting clothes.
Whores have patience and tolerance for people that other people could never manage to put up with.
Whores make lonely people less lonely.
Whores are independent.
Whores teach people how to have safer sex.
Whores are a tradition.
Whores are hot and hip.
Whores are free spirits.
Whores relieve millions of people of unwanted stress and tension.
Whores endure in the face of fierce prejudice.
Whores make good money.
Whores always have a job.
Whores are sexy and erotic.
Whores have special talents other people just don’t have. Not everyone has what it takes to be a whore.
Whores are interesting people with lots of exciting life stories.
Whores get laid a lot.
Whores help people explore their sexual desires.
Whores explore their own sexual desires.
Whores are not afraid of sex.
Whores are entertaining.
Whores have the guts to wear very big wigs.
Whores are not ashamed to be naked.
Whores help people.
Whores make their own hours.
Whores are rebelling against the absurd, patriarchal, sex-negative laws against their profession and are fighting for the legal right to receive financial compensation for their valuable work.
Do you have what it takes to be a whore?
By Kendra Holliday | May 19, 2016
A recent tweet of yours got me thinking. Someone asked about the number of sex partners and someone answered, “Why does it matter?”
Well, the average guy like myself, ignorant to the female body, thinks men can have sex with a thousand females and have no physical change to the penis, but if a woman has sex with a bunch of partners, her vagina becomes stretched out or damaged in some way.
As I get older and wiser, this seems like a really stupid believe. Can women have sex with many partners without physical change? Could you explain how the female body really works and educate us cavemen?
Every body is different, so some women have very tight vaginas to begin with that slowly become looser over time, kids or no kids, sex partners or not.
How many kids you have makes a difference. So can how much you use your vagina. OR it makes no difference! What if she has c-sections, for instance?
What if she fucks guys with HUGE dicks?
What if she’s a porn star? I’ve heard of porn stars doing anal scenes for five years who sustain damage. Then there is Belladonna who takes really good care of her body and exercises muscles most of us aren’t even aware of!
A woman can do Kegel exercises and tighten PC muscles and make things better.
I’ve asked several guys how different pussies compare – guys who have been with total sluts, women who have had NO kids or four kids, and they say it all feels the same. I think that is their honest answer.
By Kendra Holliday | May 11, 2016
For years, men, women, and couples have been asking me if there are any Tantra teachers in the Midwest. I knew of one in Kansas City, but she disappeared a few years ago. It looks like there are one or two active goddesses in the Chicago area.
So over the years I’ve put the word out to the local community seeking tantra experts. I found one man who was willing to speak to my group Sex Positive St Louis, but he canceled two hours before the talk, so I had to wing it!
Recently, we found another man in St Louis named StarDancer who was willing to talk about his energy body work to the group. Hearing him speak really inspired me to investigate the Tantra realm further.
I had a revelation – I want to bring Tantra from a female perspective to St Louis! I already do sex surrogate work as a sacred prostitute, so this seemed a natural step in my career as a sexuality expert.
I found out that Barbara Carrellas is offering a Tantra training workshop in New York City June 10-16. Thanks to some generous sponsors who believe in my mission, I AM GOING. I’m SO excited! It will be my first time in New York City. I can’t wait for an invigorating change of scenery and for my universe to expand!
Barbara was featured on Strange Sex demonstrating her full body energy orgasm technique, aka “thinking off” for a group of scientists. She’s the real deal!
Here is more info – Barbara’s intro on the program
More about the program
Details about registering for the program
More info on Barbara Carrellas – she’s a certified sexologist who has worked with the likes of Annie Sprinkle teaching Sacred Sex techniques! She’s very inclusive and positive in her teachings – more practical and modern than woo woo, she revels in, teases, and plays with traditional Tantra, all while honoring Tantra’s rich spiritual tradition of connection. She teaches all over the world, so it’s nice having a class offered in the U.S.
I’m excited to bring what I learn back to St. Louis. Thank you for believing in me and helping expand our collective sexual universe!
By Kendra Holliday | May 7, 2016
The other day someone saw my sex toy curio and remarked, “You sure have a lot of toys for women in there.”
My partner has a lot of toys at his house, too, more of the male and BDSM stuff.
Here are some of my favorite male toys – I recommend these all the time:
Tenga Flip Hole – My partner Matthew reviewed this a while back. I like it better than the Fleshlight. I have to say, he wrote that review five years ago, and he still has that thing and uses it from time to time! It holds up well. Personally, I think it’s really hot watching a guy jack with a toy. Sometimes I’ll look that stuff up on porn sites. It’s interesting how quiet men are when being stimulated, but when they cum, they make sexy noises that turn me on.
Tenga Egg – Women have their yoni eggs; men get Tenga eggs! These are so much fun! While the Flip Hole above is meant to be used again and again, the Tenga Eggs are cheaper and more disposable (though you can use than more than once if you want to). I keep a basket of them by my bed – they come in several designs. I like experimenting with different men – some find the sensation to be spectacular. Some cum fast, some find it feels weird. One of the guys I tried it on was uncircumcised, and he wasn’t that impressed with it.
Cock rings – you can get a set of three silicone rings for less than $10. These are good to have around for backup, or just to switch things up a little. They restrict the blood flow from leaving the penis, so you get a harder, longer lasting erection. Don’t leave one on for more than 20 minutes, though – you don’t want to do any dick damage.
By Kendra Holliday | May 1, 2016
So one day I posted a video on my YouTube channel showing off the difference between two vibrators and how they sounded. It got yanked for being inappropriate, due to the fact that I held an adult toy in my hand for less than 30 seconds. I duplicated the video here, only this time I used kid toys in place of the adult toys. This time it was considered appropriate, and got to stay.
That got me to thinking about baby toys vs. adult toys. (By they way, when my daughter was seven-years-old and found my sex toy stash, she exclaimed, “I’m so glad grownups get toys, too!” Such a healthy response!) Below is a series of toys. Can you guess which is intended for babies, and which are for adults?
By Kendra Holliday | April 26, 2016
My friend wrote this essay on Daddy Doms, and wow did it hit home. I’ve been thinking about it ever since I read it on FetLife (republished here with permission):
“I have been asked several times what a Daddy Dom is. First, I want everyone to know it has NOTHING to do with incest, and it isn’t ageplay or any fetish to do with children. I can only say what it means to me; others may have a different impression.
In my view, a Daddy Dom is the most tender of all Dominants. He loves His little one with an undying passion. He always has his submissive’s best interest in mind, even when it conflicts with his personal desires. That doesn’t mean that he gives into her every whim. There can be a huge difference in her desires and her real needs. He has to be able to make that sacrifice for her if need be. And yes, at times he does punish her. This usually hurts him just as much if not more than her, but he will always do what’s best for her.
He helps her set and reach her goals in life, not just in the lifestyle. He will help her improve herself to be the best she can be, not for HIM but for her ! He’s not just looking to make her a better submissive, but a better person in general.
He becomes many things in her life, a mentor, a teacher, a protector, a guide, AND… a lover! He offers her what she needs most of all, unconditional love and acceptance. He is consistent in his actions so that she knows what to expect from him. She knows she can depend on him!
He wants nothing more than to pull her close and protect her from the cruel world. But knowing all along that he can’t! SO … it is up to him to prepare her for whatever life may throw her way and be there to comfort her when things go wrong. Knowing she will run to him when she becomes overwhelmed or frightened. The Daddy Dom will listens to all her fears and concerns, knowing no matter how silly they may sound, to her they are real and he will help her confront them. He slays her dragons; he is her “Knight in Shining Armor”.
The Daddy Dom hears all her dreams, desires and all the dirty little secrets, and smiles because she is bold enough and loves him enough to open herself up so totally to him. He kisses her face and holds her close letting her know she is loved no matter what. She is His little one, and he loves her unconditionally.
There is nothing more satisfying to him than to see her succeed, to watch as she grows as a person. He revels in her daily accomplishments almost as much as she does herself.
He will cuddle her and show her the tenderness she craves when she needs it., when she feels unsure of herself he will whisper encouraging words for her. When she feels ugly he will reassure her how beautiful she is to him … when she is scared he will be her safety net. She is his pride and joy … his main comfort in life … his reason for living. His pride in her shows in the tender loving way he cares for her. Even though she is all woman, she is his little one and he is her Daddy! Just remember, he may be a Daddy, but he is still a Dom!”
By Kendra Holliday | April 24, 2016
Girls wanna get down, too!
90% of men who crave female energy love the idea of being in bed with two women at once (the other 10% think it would be too much work).
An MFF (Male-Female-Female) Threesome, or King menage a trois, can be, depending on who you are with, HOTTER than you ever imagined, or bad sex x2.
But the key to making your threesome fantasy a reality is not finding the right women – it’s having the right mindset.
Most everyone thinks about threesomes, but without being open-minded and available to a person who is equally open-minded, those sorts of fantasies will never materialize.
Let me share my own personal experience on the matter. I dated a man, and after a few months of being together, I confessed to him that I was bisexual and thought it would be hot to share him with another woman.
This sparked a fervant quest to make a threesome happen. We joined dating sites, chatted women up online, all to no avail. Just because we wanted to have a threesome didn’t mean random women wanted the same thing.
Then things got interesting when I approached him with my second confession: I liked the idea of being with other men, too.
This dumped a bucket of ice water on his sex drive. We almost broke up over it! Here I was, open to the thought of him being with other women – dating other women, playing with my girlfriends – but the thought of me being with another man was a dealbreaker? Buzzkill!
During one late night tense discussion over it, he declared, “I will never be comfortable with the thought of you with another man.”
By Kendra Holliday | April 22, 2016
If you know me at all, you know that I have a mentally ill mother, and a mentally ill daughter.
Yes, genetics can be a bitch.
As a result, I’m constantly sandwiched between my past and my future.
If the timing features one of them having a meltdown, it can feel like a stressful seesaw, but if the timing features both of them freaking out simultaneously, it can feel crushing.
Today, I set out to have a happy-go-lucky day of self care – I took time off from seeing clients so I could enjoy the beautiful spring weather – read, write, go shopping, take walks, and nap.
Relax and rejuvenate.
But a couple days ago, I had a bad phone call with my mom. Among other things, she has borderline personality disorder. I’m not sure what that means exactly,
but I do know that serial killer Aileen Wuornos had it, and it means you have to walk on eggshells with the afflicted person and kiss their ass, or else you will pay dearly for it – they will instantly turn on you and become vicious.
I talk to my mom on the phone a few times a week, and I usually play along and kiss her ass, murmuring sympathetic responses to her litany of complaints about how cruel everyone is to her.
This time, I didn’t feel like it. She whined about what a victim she was, after bragging about slamming the door on her social worker and stealing money from my dad, and when I asked her what she wanted me to do about her pathetic plight, she got angry and insulted me. I hung up on her.
Today, my daughter got a letter in the mail from her crazy grandma. It included this picture of me, along with a taunting message in my mother’s spidery script:
This was your mother at age 21, before she met your father.
My daughter was confused, but I immediately knew the intent.
This picture was taken right after I was raped. She sent it deliberately in order to hurt me again. The first time, a man stuck his cock in me because he wanted to. This time, mom mom stuck a memory knife in me because she wanted to. Both times, I was penetrated without my consent.
The day this photo was taken was over twenty years ago. I was working at a nursing home with a nice guy named Pasqual. He was from Cameroon, and was attending Maryville University for a nursing degree. He lived with a host family. He had dark skin and a moon face, and a thick French accent.
By Kendra Holliday | April 17, 2016
I’ve had the book Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies on my shelf for a long time. It tempted me with its mysterious title and sexy cover (I LOVE oysters, and I LOVE my pearl, if you know what I mean).
Well, I finally dusted it off and read it, and it blew my mind, and I’ve been recommending it to people left and right ever since.
Here’s an intro concept from it that should provoke your thoughts:
“There’s a joke that says that when two people have sex, there are six people in bed: the two lovers and the parents of each of them.”
Is that creepy, true, or both? I hope you’re imagining group sex with your parents right now.
A sampling of the MANY interesting points brought up in this book:
– “Sexual excitement requires that we momentarily become selfish. There needs to be a tension between selfishness and caring, between using and pleasing your partner.”
Do you know what this means? Sometimes, when it comes to sex, you need to be ruthless. You need to let go and stop worrying so much about every little move and just focus on the pleasure. YOUR pleasure.
– The difference between guilt and shame: “Guilt involves beliefs that we are hurting others, while shame involves beliefs that we’re exposed and unworthy in the eyes of others.”
– “When people are aggressive or cruel in their sexual daydreams or practices, it is not because they are primarily sadistic but because they are trying to solve a problem.”
– Have you ever known a woman who is really bitchy toward her male partner? He’s such a nice guy, he tries so hard to cater to her wants and needs, yet she treats him like an annoying puppy? This book explains the reason behind that lopsided dynamic.
– Survivor guilt and unconscious parental jealousy is behind a lot of the issues we face with our parents. Have you ever wondered why someone would start drinking heavily when they became successful in their field? Or why some parents sabotage their kids and excessively criticize instead of support them in their endeavors? This book goes into the details behind those perplexing behaviors, and much more.
By Kendra Holliday | March 23, 2016
It’s my birthday today! Do you know what I want?
Happy, healthy vaginas.
My fellow women in St. Louis.
My fellow women around the world.
If you are glad I was born and would like to honor that time I traversed a vaginal canal 43 years ago, please consider donating to one of my favorite non-profits:
Worldwide Fistula Fund – A global health organization dedicated to the treatment and prevention of obstetric fistulas. WFF helps girls and women to heal, recover and rebuild their lives, while working to improve the safety of childbirth. WFF and our partners in sub-Saharan Africa provide girls and women with expert care and support to recover and rejoin society. Restore health and dignity to girls and women in sub-Saharan Africa.
Planned Parenthood – HEALTH SERVICES give individuals the power and the ability to take control of their lives, their health and their future. EDUCATION SERVICES give medically-accurate information to help teens make responsible decisions about their reproductive future and strengthens parent-teen communication.
SWOP-St. Louis – A local branch of the Sex Workers Outreach Project, a national social justice network dedicated to the fundamental human rights of sex workers and their communities. SWOP focuses on ending violence and stigma through education and advocacy.
Thank you for helping make the world a better place, one healthy vagina at a time!
By Kendra Holliday | March 19, 2016
Some people do monogamy just fine.
Other people find themselves desiring more than one person, and they either suppress those feelings, or they break up with their partner and practice serial monogamy.
Or, they allow intimate relationships to overlap, either by cheating or engaging in ethical non-monogamy.
Ethical non-monogamy can still be quite limiting, depending on the agreed upon guidelines.
For example, I’ve met women who say they are polyamorous/in an open relationship, then qualify it to mean she has a boyfriend and they are both allowed to be with women, as long as he is present. And no boys allowed.
I used to be in relationships like this! I thought it was really annoying and unfair. And it kept happening, over and over. I couldn’t escape it.
I call this phenomenon OBS – Opportunistic Boyfriend Syndrome; dudes who take advantage of their awesome, open-minded bisexual girlfriends. The guys I was with were all down with fucking my girlfriends and male-female-female threesomes and me allowing their wildest fantasies to come true, but the double standard kicked in as soon as I’d ask to fuck one of their male friends. It seemed selfish and one-sided to me. They would tell me, “But you’re bisexual, so it’s okay to have this arrangement, and really, I’m being nice and you should be grateful.”
Finally I got so fed up with this hypocrisy that I swore off committing to any man, since apparently no person with balls could handle my wildest fantasies. Nope. Just his.
By Kendra Holliday | March 19, 2016
You know how I was molested and raped in the past, right? Most women have, and some men, too. It’s WAY more common than statistics indicate.
Well, imagine my surprise when I was sexually assaulted a couple months ago! I didn’t see THAT coming.
Here’s what happened.
We were out of town on vacation. We ran into one of Matthew’s friends, a really nice, attractive married man.
Over drinks, he lamented to us how he has a mad stocking fetish, and his wife never indulges him.
We asked him if he knew where his fetish originated, and at first he didn’t know, but then recalled memories of stroking his sweet mother’s legs when he was a little boy. So stockings have very positive connotations for him – fetishes run deep.
After checking with Matthew, I offered to let his friend rub my stockinged calves and feet. I thought it was a nice, generous gesture – after all, it’s not every woman who is as open-minded and sexually giving as me.
His face lit up like a kid at Christmas.
We went back to our hotel room, and I half undressed, and put my feet in his lap. He remained fully clothed.
He excitedly ran his hands all over the silky texture, just lapping up my erotic female energy. Women have wonderful curves all over, right down to their feet!
Matthew left the room to give him a little space.
I was not particularly aroused, it was just a little naughty fun for me, but the guy was having a blast. He was super eager like a hungry puppy. I felt bad for him for being denied something he craved so much. I gave his jean-clad crotch a loving rub with my foot.
And then suddenly, he rose up and started twiddling my nipples, as if he was trying to tune a radio station. I HATE having my nipples fiddled with like that, especially out of the blue. I was aghast.
By Kendra Holliday | March 18, 2016
My organization Sex Positive St. Louis offers some amazing events for our local community – not only do we host happy hours, discussions, pussy parties, and clothing optional parties, but we also present demos from time to time. Previous demos include blowjob, cunnilingus, female ejaculation, and fisting.
Well the other day, I met a man who loves sounding. Urethral sounding is the practice of inserting rods into the urethra (pee hole) in order to increase the inner diameter. Say what?! Believe it or not, this unusual activity can elicit very sexy sensations for some people!
You can read a good essay about it at Nerve.com – Sensible Sounding: Why I Inserted a Metal Rod into My Penis on Purpose.
He joked to me, “You should do a demo on this.”
I shot back, “That’s a GREAT idea! Will you do it?!”
He was surprised. “What? Really? Who would be interested in that?”
“Are you kidding? This is FASCINATING! Every time I mention it to someone, they either cringe like crazy or ask tons of questions!”
YES I talked him into it!
About 20 interested people attended the demo – men, women, couples, black, white, younger, older. We were fascinated and full of questions! How does it work? Why do it? What kind of man would do such a thing? Does it feel good? How far do they go in? Is it safe? What tools should you use?
Our demo guy was 28-year-old Marty. He reminded me of a young Jack Nicholson, complete with messy hair and a mischievous grin. He had a strong, muscular body dusted with body hair and decorated with a few tattoos. He had some scrapes on his legs and a bandage wrapped around one of his hands. When asked how he got banged up, he told us he skateboards.
Before he got started, we all sat around in a circle and introduced ourselves and shared why we were there. A couple of the men had sounding experience, but most were curious about it; they didn’t explore it due to safety concerns.
The women were also very curious, but there was one female nurse there who found it to be a huge turn on!