By Kendra Holliday | October 29, 2013 at 6:03 am
Yin is usually characterized as slow, soft, insubstantial, diffuse, cold, wet, and tranquil. It is generally associated with the feminine, birth and generation, and with the night. – Wikipedia, on yin and yang
“It’s my birthday Monday, and I want YOU to be my birthday present, sweetie!” my girlfriend Rachel announced to me.
“ME?” I exclaimed. “Um, OK!”
We both play with men a lot, so we wanted a chance to enjoy feminine delights without cock bobbing around for a change. Don’t get me wrong – mff threesomes are SO MUCH FUN, but when you’re a hot bisexual woman, it’s not easy scheduling girl-on-girl time!
Matthew was a total gentleman about it, by the way. Lord knows he gets plenty of action on his own, so he gave me space and his blessing and never once joked about joining us. This was a nice change from all the other men I’ve been with in the past who were – oh fine, I’ll say it – selfish babies when it came to my girlfriends.
I made her a special birthday dinner, with salad, vegetable lasagna, artisan bread, champagne grapes, wine, and homemade french vanilla chocolate chip cookies. I excitedly lit candles, put on some romantic music… I felt so cute in my vintage teddy.
She arrived, we had a relaxing dinner, she loved everything, we couldn’t stop talking!
Finally she said, “Dinner was just wonderful sweetie, but I’m ready for dessert!”
I was getting cougared for a change!
By Kendra Holliday | October 28, 2013 at 6:07 pm
What is wrong my vanilla friends? We have several married, monogamous, sexually boring friends who revel in our tales of mild debauchery and mayhem, but can’t bring themselves to walk on the wild side with us.
We try to be good safari guides and explain that most BDSM parties and swinger dances are just social events where, GASP, nobody actually has sex.. OK, so maybe nipple gets nibbled here and there, but nobody is getting raped or pillaged.
I just don’t know what they are afraid of. Some of these folks are hurdling toward middle age and know the “now or never” time is approaching. I know they want to dive in, yet they can’t bring themselves to take even the shortest of leaps.
For instance, we were at a wine and cheese party this summer at a house with a gorgeous in-ground pool. The backyard is very secluded, the kids were gone and the lights were out. A perfect night for a moonlight skinny dip. Six out of the dozen couples agreed to get in. But only one other couple, after much cajoling, got in with us to enjoy some “slap and tickle”.
How do we convince these folks they are letting the good times pass them by?
~ Frustrated Freak
I feel ya. I have a lot of people who live vicariously through me, and that’s great – I want to inspire and titillate. But I also want them to have fun, too!
By Kendra Holliday | October 26, 2013 at 7:33 am
UPDATE! Oct 26, 2013 -I sent out an announcement regarding TBK Parties and received an OVERWHELMING response! It took me two weeks to wade through them all! SO much good feedback, great suggestions, great people, I’m so excited! I replied to every person who responded to my announcement, and will send out an update soon!
August 22, 2013 – Lately, I’ve had SOO many couples approach me asking about good swinger parties in St. Louis. I helped organize a venue last year and the parties were AWESOME, attracting couples from all over the area, and even other cities. Unfortunately this option was short lived, lasting about six months. The group and vibe was great, not to mention the swanky venue, but they are no longer hosting parties. So we need to find another option.
You’ll be glad to know I’ve been working on a business plan for an upscale swinger club in St. Louis and have a meeting scheduled with some key people next month. The right ambiance is SO important for feeling sexy and comfortable. Seedy hotels, sketch adult movie theaters, and VFW halls don’t cut it for me.
So! As I flesh out the details, I’d like your input. What’s on your sex club wishlist? Where would you like it located? What sort of things would you like to see there? What kind of people? What rules and guidelines should be in place? What themes would be sexy and fun?
It would be nice if the space could also be used for other things as well, such as clothing optional parties, educational demos, discussions… I have so many ideas!
We just need to find the space and funding and make sure it’s done right. Thanks for your input, and stay tuned! (Leave a comment if you’d like to be kept in the loop on this project!)
By Kendra Holliday | October 21, 2013 at 6:32 am
A guest toy review by my friends decißel & Violet!
It seems not too big, not too small, but just right! Notice the two raised bumps? They’re buttons! That’s right, twin buttons that controls two separate motors! One motor is on the bulbous tip, other is in the thick body.. This means you have options on which end to use! The bulbous tip is the G-spot/P-spot stimulator.
The texture is smooth and silicone-silky.. very nice to touch, the whole thing feels good in my hands.
Charging this toy differs from the other two powered Jopen toys we reviewed: Jopen Ego E3 cock ring and the Jopen Ego e4 vibrating anal plug- instead of requiring an USB port to plug in the power charger, this comes with a wall outlet plug. I’ve used this wall outlet power charger on the other two toys without problem- I can’t help but wonder the reasoning behind two different power sources. I got both power versions across multiple toys, it really is nice having both options.
In action- I thought maybe this toy could give my hands a nice break while I go down on Violet during a nice cuninglinus session.. I like to insert a finger inside her and stimulate her g-spot, so of course, this is what I tried the first thing with the g-spot end of the Vr8!
By Kendra Holliday | October 17, 2013 at 3:53 am
We keep having awesome events in St. Louis!
Let me tell you something about hosting edgy, sexually themed events in the Midwest – it’s a little bit frustrating.
First of all, you get the idea, or the request from someone in the community.
You can’t execute it immediately – you have to plan ahead in order to do it right.
So, by the time the event is announced, things have changed, and the people who requested the event in the first place are no longer available.
Each event is inspired by something or somebody who is, in all likelihood, no longer part of the equation by the time it’s put on the calendar.
In the days leading up to the event, and ESPECIALLY on the day of the event itself, you field all these regretful messages from people who can’t make it. To add insult to injury, they ask you to schedule another event like it soon, not realizing how much time and energy it takes to plan. Not to mention how fucking busy you are. But hey, so are they! Life happens.
By Kendra Holliday | October 12, 2013 at 4:39 pm
So get this – I know a lot of people who have herpes, but they are so secretive about it, they don’t realize how many other people in the community have it as well.
So I decided to host an event at Shameless Grounds this Tuesday and invite everyone and anyone to come and learn about this wildly popular STI.
Here’s the event description:
“Do you have herpes? Do you know anyone who does? (Trust me, you do.) It’s more common than you think – lots of people in the community have it, but everyone is afraid to talk about it. Let’s break down walls and demystify this common STI.
From Centers for Disease Control website: http://www.cdc.gov/std/
Genital herpes is a sexually transmitted infection (STI) caused by the herpes simplex viruses type 1 (HSV-1) or type 2 (HSV-2). CDC estimates that, annually, 776,000 people in the United States get new herpes infections. Genital herpes infection is common in the United States. Nationwide, 16.2%, or about one out of six, people aged 14 to 49 years have genital HSV-2 infection.
How do you know if you have it? What are the symptoms? How do you get tested? How often do outbreaks occur? How effective are condoms in preventing herpes transmission? Can you have sex with someone with herpes and not get it? What are some things you can do to lower the risk and lessen outbreaks? What happens if you get it? How do you ethically date? Can you be polyamorous and have herpes?
Health expert and Registered Nurse Claire Jensen and sex educator Kendra Holliday will lead the discussion and answer questions.
People who attend this event may or may not have herpes. Share as little or as much as you like with the group. Get educated and enlightened, get rid of the stigma, and get on with your life!”
Here is one man’s story:
By Kendra Holliday | October 9, 2013 at 10:05 pm
The theme was Women and Power, and it was indeed powerful! It was really cool sitting in a great hall with 500 other women (wowow!), listening to inspirational speakers such as Brene Brown, Zen priests and other do-gooders.
The place was idyllic. I felt like I was wandering around a Pinterest board, what with all the beautiful women floating by wearing flowing silk scarves, the bucolic, rolling meadows bathed in mellow sunlight, shabby chic gardens dripping with melons and gourds, supple yoga poses and frog-happy, burbling meditation ponds.
It was unnervingly peaceful there. Seriously, I was out of my element. I kind of felt like an imposter, like I didn’t belong.
By Kendra Holliday | October 7, 2013 at 3:35 pm
A couple weeks ago, I went to the Omega Women in Power Retreat in New York.
Before I left, my partner Matthew and I talked about our comfort levels as far as playing or dating others while we were apart.
We both agreed to trust each other and have a good time, and when we got back together Sunday night, we would fill each other in on what we did.
My weekend was way more wholesome than usual – I didn’t drink or masturbate. I attended a lot of lectures, meditated, and did a lot of self-reflection. I also found out a family member died that weekend, and came down with a cold.
Needless to say, this combination put me in an emotionally fragile state.
Meanwhile, Matthew had a rip roaring bachelor weekend, and couldn’t wait to tell me all about it.
By Kendra Holliday | September 19, 2013 at 7:21 am
I’m excited to announce I will be offline this Fri-Sun so I can attend the Omega Women and Power Retreat in a peaceful village in New York
(TWO HOURS FROM NEW YORK CITY I’VE NEVER BEEN ARRGGGGH SOO CLOSE)
Anyway, back to the peaceful village… The conference is starring Brene Brown and a host of other successful female leaders.
- Explore the power of authenticity with Elizabeth Lesser
- Build our retreat community with weaver Carla Goldstein
- Practice meditation to cultivate a strong backbone and an open heart with Joan Halifax Roshi
- Dare to be vulnerable and transform the way we parent, work, and lead with Brené Brown
- Gain insight about developing the strength to use power in new ways with Sarah Peter
- Learn about what’s happening for women at the economic policy level and its connection to our everyday lives with Heidi Hartmann
- Discover how dignifying caregiving strengthens our society with Ai-jen Poo
- Experience the value of loving our whole selves through movement and meditation with Chung Hyun Kyung
OK, so do you think it will be amazing, or corny? I can’t tell! They offer optional chanting, drumming, dancing workshops (( shudder )). I’ve never done anything like this before. I’m packing light – no laptop, no make up, no pretty clothes. Just me and a couple good books.
I took a leap when I signed up a few months ago, and it’s turning out to be good timing. I REALLY need a moment to get my bearings and figure out my path. I’m definitely on the ball when it comes to authenticity and vulnerability, but I really need to strengthen my leadership skills and learn how to better balance and prioritize and MAKE AMAZING SHIT HAPPEN. Shit that benefits me, my loved ones, and the community.
I want to soak up lots of awesome female energy! I want to experience new things and meet new people!
By Kendra Holliday | September 18, 2013 at 10:18 am
Two weeks left to contribute to this polyamory guide crowdfunding campaign!
A word from my friend, Franklin, about his book project:
My partner Eve and I are aiming our book at complete newcomers to polyamory; our goal is to provide a practical, useful, in-the-trenches set of tools for making multiple romantic relationships work.
A lot of poly books are either personal memoirs (like Jenny Block’s excellent book “Open“) or surveys of how different people do polyamory (like Tristan Taormino’s “Opening Up“), but what we haven’t seen anywhere is the book that says “okay, so you want to do this poly thing; now what? What problems might you encounter? What solutions work? What solutions seem good in theory but don’t work? How can you define the difference? What tools can you use to put together stable, functional plural relationships? What makes up the ‘ethical’ part of ‘ethical non-monogamy’? What are strategies that help when things run off the rails?”
Honestly, I prefer personal memoirs because I’m a human interest junkie. I haven’t read Jenny Block’s book, but I have read a few others, such as Sadie Smythe, Chester Brown (a very, ahem, different sort of non-monogamy), and Cheryl Cohen Greene. But WOW there are so many people out there who are new to polyamory and are eager to explore it – they need guidance.
I’ve been polyamorous my entire life, in the sense that monogamy has never made much sense to me. I can remember hearing a fairy tale when I was very young, about a princess forced to choose between two handsome princes. I recall thinking “well, princesses live in castles, everyone knows that. And castles are big enough for both princes. So why does she have to choose?”
I started the practice of non-monogamy from the moment I started becoming aware that boys and girls are different; I took two girls to my high school prom, and lost my virginity in a threesome.
Along the way, I’ve made just about every mistake it’s possible to make in polyamorous relationships, struggled with feeling like I was the only person in the world who felt this way about love and romance, and been forced to confront a great deal of social convention that ran counter to what I wanted my life to look like. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I’ve had about 15 years of monogamous relationships, a 13-year (so far) marriage that has been poly for about half its duration (the latter half), and a number of other poly relationships.
My approach to poly has changed radically over the years: from that early experience at 16, to first hearing the word “polyamory” in 1998, to my husband’s and my first swingers’ party in 2006, to our current multiple long-term, committed relationships. And being poly has radically changed me. I’ve made a lot of mistakes and learned a lot of hard lessons. I’m writing this book to share those experiences with anyone who is struggling to maintain ethical multiple relationships with integrity, compassion and courage, in the hopes they may help you on your way.
Franklin and I have debated on various polyamorous approaches. I have a primary partner structure. It works for us.
However, Franklin points out, “I actually started out from a couple-centric, primary/secondary approach, in part because back then there weren’t any poly communities, and my wife at the time was only reluctantly non-monogamous. It took quite a while for me to see the damage these arrangements could do to my other partners, and how essentially what the focus on primacy did was shift the risk involved in being open to multiple romantic relationships off of my wife and I and onto anyone who became romantically entangled with either or both of us.”
Hmm. Interesting… I have a feeling I will learn a lot reading this guide book. I can’t wait for it to come out.