By Kendra Holliday | February 28, 2016
Shared by a member of Sex Positive St. Louis:
We all have at one time found ourselves living a fearful life. What do you fear?
Fear strangles you. It matters not what that fear is, you can’t relax, it holds you back and robs you of peace of mind. Are you anxious about something? That may tell you about a fear you have that you don’t even realize.
Most all anxiety is FEAR based, somewhere. Learn to identify those things in yourself. Then consciously evaluate them to see if you are being fearful of SOMETHING THAT HAS YET TO HAPPEN.
It seems as though we lack real threats in our daily lives, such as being attacked by a predator, so we fabricate fears in order to instigate our fight, flight, or freeze mechanisms. And then we don’t allow our emotions to fully cycle through, which traps us in an unhealthy state of mind. How do we allow some non-tangible, non-manifested thing to influence our lives so much? Why are we afraid of change?
Only you can answer that, but you have to confront the fear yourself, in your own way. Right your own ship, accept the challenge, face your world, be King or Queen of your realm, take the bull by the horns, challenge yourself, make the decision, banish fear. You will find that when you take action to face down your fears, you will see that they aren’t as formidable as you thought and you will prevail.
REPLACE THE FEAR WITH LOVE.
By Kendra Holliday | February 10, 2016
I had an amazing date the other night!
Do you remember how I talked about how to make a woman feel comfortable in a previous post?
In order to ensure your time with a woman is mutually enjoyable (as opposed to you just having your way with her), you should make her feel safe, warm and special. And that’s exactly what my date Capn Marrrk did.
We’ve been carrying on for many years now, but due to our hectic schedules, we’ve only been together one-on-one a handful of times. When we do get together, he always makes the experience so creative and special.
He asked me to wear a Moon Goddess ensemble, which is something like this. I love my copper circlet – it suits me so well.
He told me, “I’m planning a ritual.”
Oooh, I liked the sound of that!
I dressed the part, and lit lots of candles. He came over with a bag of supplies.
We followed the glowing trail of candles to the bedroom. Mythical ambient music like this played softly in the background.
He poured red wine into a celestial goblet and had me drink from it.
Then, he slowly kissed and undressed me. Each step of the way, he murmured thanks to the goddesses for this sacred time. He anointed me with essential oils.
Then, he produced a small satchel that contained twelve relics from his past – coins from countries he visited, arrowheads found on camping trips, and more.
Explaining the history behind each one, he placed it on the soft rug at my feet, until I was circled with poignant memories.
By Kendra Holliday | February 8, 2016
I’ve FINALLY figured out what makes female breasts/nipples so awed and feared!
You know I’ve been struggling with this Topless Inequality quandary for years – remember the Obscene Nipple Game?
A married man told me that seeing his wife’s breasts is always exciting – it never gets old. “Every time I see them, it’s like it’s the first time. It’s refreshing and invigorating.”
I notice with amusement how predictable my clients are – as soon as my bra comes off, they lean down and suck on each nipple, like an automatic, erotic handshake. They simply HAVE to touch and fondle them.
But then get this – the other day I had a date with my girlfriend, and when she took off her shirt, I was compelled to do the exact same thing! I just wanted to grab them! But I didn’t – I was a respectful lady. And that reaction is even with me having breasts myself!
Breasts are like warm, glowing light bulbs, and we are mere moths. Supposedly, moths are drawn to light because of some ancient connection to the moon, which is a feminine symbol.
Sooo here’s the deal – the reason female breasts and nipples are so awed and feared is because
THEY ARE MAGIC.
That’s it. They are a source of creation and life-giving. They symbolize Mother Earth – they are the opposite of destruction. And while most people revere and respect life force and see it as a positive thing, some people find it overwhelming and confusing, which can be scary. The more we can be in touch with our feelings, the healthier we can process the mysterious world around us.
I breastfed my daughter for a year, and am so proud how I provided her only food source for months, and how she thrived and grew – it’s so magical and empowering!
In honor of this realization, I’m hosting a Topless Tarot event later this week, for women only. We’ll sit around in my warm and cozy fairy cottage and connect and bond over candlelight, cards, gems, and runes. We’ll be surrounded by breasts and loving female energy! Our cups runneth over!
I went back into my blog archives and pulled random breast photos – I just love them so much, and am happy to have them. I’m glad to share them with you, on my own terms. Thank you for your respectful worship and appreciation!
By Kendra Holliday | February 6, 2016
I’m a sex surrogate. That means I work intimately with people in addressing their sexual issues. In other words, I’m a fucking therapist! 🙂
I LOVE what I do, but it’s not all fun and games. I sift through a lot of painful baggage. It’s incredible what people have to endure! I do my best to feel for them, and WITH them. I want them to unpack that baggage, but it can be hard to accomplish in just a few hours – they’ve been gathering it for years. What a burden! I try to lighten their load, in a fun and loving way.
Here are some examples of what my clients are dealing with:
losing a wife suddenly
never having a partner
orgasming too quickly
inability to orgasm due to back surgery
inability to feel orgasm due to anhedonia
erectile dysfunction due to heavy emotional baggage
erectile dysfunction due to a million other things – 80% of ED is mental, 20% is physical
married but haven’t had intimacy in more than ten – or twenty – years
lack of intimacy
By Kendra Holliday | January 31, 2016
A male friend of mine recently joined a few online dating sites. He set up a profile, and started contacting women. Instead of shooting them, “hi how r u” grunt messages, he made sure to use respectful language and demonstrate that he had read their profile.
He was dismayed to learn that most women never even bothered to reply back.
“How rude!” he exclaimed to me. He went on to explain his perspective as man trying to use online dating sites. His complaints were SO common to me. The vast majority of men find online dating to be a frustrating waste of time.
Why is this?
As a woman, I know what it’s like from a female perspective.
When I first join a dating site, even when I don’t have a picture posted, I get 20 emails from men in 20 minutes. And they keep pouring in, so many you can’t keep up with them.
If you have a nice profile with a pic and you’re attractive, then you get hundreds of messages a day! It’s nuts! I try to respond to every one, but it’s impossible. I give up.
I finally just respond to the ones who stand out. And then, feeling guilty and drained, I eventually delete my account.
It’s like a feeding frenzy. You feel a bit attacked and it can create smugness in the woman. She has all the power. The men come off as so plentiful and eager – desperate, even. And THAT is a turn off.
Some of them will hatefully insult you if they don’t get their way. That’s even MORE of a turn off.
If you think not replying to a message is rude, how about this? My friend Ruby Ryder shared this experience:
When a 59 year old man on OKCupid uses the words “lick pussy” in his second message, I can’t get to the block button fast enough. That was after I politely responded and told him we were not well suited, wishing him luck in his search. Sometimes internet dating is really disgusting.
This shit is epidemic and counterproductive.
WHY is it that way?
Because of society. Society pits male sexuality against female sexuality. In our society, men are taught to fuck and destroy. Women are taught to be passive and love. Male sexuality is plentiful and cheap. Female sexuality is scarce and valuable.
It makes no sense when we’re 50/50 of the population, right? But due to slut shaming and objectifying, female energy is turned into a valuable commodity, which creates resentment and imbalance.
By Kendra Holliday | January 31, 2016
If you are a man who craves female energy – caressing soft skin, cuddling with a beautiful woman, inhaling her unique scent, sucking on supple breasts, touching beguiling pussy, being inside a hot, wet woman – the best way to enjoy ALL the priceless female treasures is to
make the woman feel comfortable.
Help her relax. Ensure that she feels secure in your presence. It’s best for the situation to unfold to the point where you can clearly tell she WANTS you to touch her. Err on the side of caution. Leave her wanting more. Read her body language. Listen to what she has to say. Treat her the way she wants to be treated.
If women are happy in our society, then men and children will follow suit. The happiness of women is KEY to a utopian society.
So many testosterone-driven men think about their penis first, and everything else second. This is immature, backwards thinking, and it won’t get you very far. A penis-first mentality leads to frustration and resentment.
Instead, try and replace that mindset with a “female energy first” way of thinking, and the effects will flow into your ego and penis, which means the woman will be pleased and satisfied, and so will you!
Let me give you a couple examples of what I’m talking about.
The other day, I hosted one of my TBK play parties. As a woman comfortable in her own skin, I quickly shed my leopard print dress
Pulled off another TBK party, hear me roar! Took these pics really quick before the masked guests arrived pic.twitter.com/oS2oXqkYz3
— Kendra Holliday (@TBK365) January 24, 2016
and was running around the party naked. Hey, it’s MY orgy, and I can run around naked if I want to!
I chatted up one of the male guests I didn’t know well in the hallway, complimenting him on his handsome hazel eyes, and learned about his passion as a painter. He was also nude, save a leather cock ring that prominently showcased his projectile penis.
By Kendra Holliday | January 30, 2016
Here’s a kinky photo my photographer friend Stan took of my friends and me. You can see it at Naughti Gras this weekend:
I love the triangular dynamic happening in this shot – the dominant women, the submissive man. This was a dream come true for him! So much fun exploring the creative world of art and sex.
By Kendra Holliday | January 26, 2016
|Live like a Mad Scientist & get laid!|
I asked my friend RainMan to share some of his alternative lifestyle habits with The Beautiful Kind community; clearly he’s a man who thinks outside the cage. And it works – it gets him laid! Here is a peek into his weird world, in his own words:
“How many times have you been approached by, gone on a date with, or even married someone who is best described as Generic Humanoid #17?
The woman whose entire life is work, Facebook and fruity drinks with her girlfriends every Saturday night.
The man whose entire life is work, video games, and NFL Sunday Ticket.
The married couple whose twice-a-month sex life consists of the same two positions every time, carefully scheduled between episodes of Desperate Housewives and the ballgame.
Is it any wonder people trade in their spouses as often as their cars?
Kendra has had glimpses into the insanity that is my world, and she jokingly called it the “Mad Scientist” approach to living: doing things just to see if you can, changing your life around just because you can.
The crux of this is constantly challenging yourself. Rather than spending life coasting along, why not mix things up? Do something that forces your to consider life from a different perspective. Each time you do this you grow, even when you fail.
I’ve tried all of the following examples at one time or another. Some won’t be feasible depending on your specific circumstances (wife/husband, kids, disabilities, etc), but your options are only limited by your imagination.
By Kendra Holliday | January 15, 2016
Ahhh, this weather reminds me of the time my partner Matthew and I ran away to Key West Florida for a decadent getaway a few years ago! Here is a slice of how we do vacation:
Wednesday night was my night. I got to call the shots, so we had dinner at Better Than Sex, a dessert restaurant swathed in our colors – burgundy and gold.
I had fun ordering for Matthew – he had the Tongue Bath, and I had the Peanut Butter Perversion. He drank an apple cider out of a pilsner glass dipped in caramel, and I had a tawny port rimmed with dripping chocolate.
When we got back to our place, I had my way with him.
I pretended I was a lesbian staying in the villa next door. I had partied with him all day with my girlfriends, and when they went out to hit the bars, I stayed back in order to sneak over to his place.
I didn’t want my girlfriends to know I was craving his dick, that I wanted to use him as a sperm donor so I could get pregnant and go back home and never see him again.
He was lying in bed, was just thinking about jerking off before falling asleep, when I entered his bedroom like a cougar on the prowl. He was completely surprised that I was seducing him, especially after all the male bashing jokes I had teased him with all day, but he was going with the flow and surrendering himself to me. I kissed him passionately and climbed on top of him. My sarong hiked up, exposing my strong, smooth thighs. I wasn’t wearing any underwear.
In the dim light I ground into his hard cock. I felt the heat through his boxers, and was desperate to get it inside me before he came to his senses and suggested a condom, or stopped me altogether. I pulled down his shorts, and it sprang loose, straining to be taken.
I took it.
I impaled myself on it, rode him hard, disgusted and turned on by his maleness. I couldn’t help but seize onto his beard and hairy chest.
He whispered that he was going to cum, giving me one last chance to avoid his potent load, but I clamped my thighs around him like a praying mantis seizing her hapless mate, and I sucked his climax up greedily into my womb.
As soon as I got what I wanted, I rolled off of him and passed out.
By Kendra Holliday | January 6, 2016
We disappear here.
THIS IS OUR EIGHTH YEAR AT THE CABIN!!!! HEADING THERE FRIDAY…………………………
Matthew and I go to the same cabin every winter, and about two months prior, we start getting CABIN FEVER.
A couple days ago, he texted me: “I hope each morning, you’re opening the Cabin Advent Calendar in your head.”
I sure am! Do you want a peek inside? Open each little window and it will reveal:
cabin music playlist
By Kendra Holliday | December 29, 2015
|Sex is like a mango|
I wrote this post five years ago, when my daughter was ten. Now she is fifteen, and still working through her teenage hormones! Join us this Sunday, January 3 for a FREE Sex-Positive Parenting talk at The Ethical Society at 9:45am!
Being pregnant was an incredibly interesting experience.
Having a baby was cute, fun and exhausting.
Toddlerhood was my least favorite stage – I felt like a classical music lover at a speed metal concert.
The solid kid stage (4-9) was the best, and I thought I’d get to enjoy it for another year or two, as my daughter just turned 10.
After all, I didn’t start freaking out until I was 12, and I got my period when I was 13. My mom didn’t get hers until she was 14.
Girls are developing much eariler these days thanks to improved health and diet. Surprise! My daughter is tweening, and it’s giving me whiplash.
One night this summer, the hormone fairy snuck in and replaced my sweet child with this half-finished mutant version of myself.
She’s starting to develop. She’s insisting on training bras and sanitary napkins for just in case. She’s crying one second and laughing the next. Have you ever heard about how bitchy trans folks get when they have their hormone shots? My daughter is as dramatic as a drag queen downing diva cocktails.
By Kendra Holliday | December 27, 2015
This post recounts one of our most memorable New Year’s Eve, a few years ago…
“Did you remember the butt plug?” I asked Matthew as we drove down the icy road.
“DAMMIT!” he exclaimed and thumped the steering wheel. “I’m turning around.”
“No you’re NOT!” I crowed.
YESS, I wouldn’t have to be subjected to wearing a butt plug in the hotel room as he attended his meetings.
“That’s OK, I’m an Eagle Scout,” he drawled. “I’m sure I can rig something makeshift, like a toilet paper roll or something.”
“Fat chance!” I retorted, arms folded smugly. Then I added with a smirk, “Maybe you can pick one up in the hotel gift shop.”
We were headed to an exclusive New Year’s Eve bash at a swanky hotel in Kansas City. The person throwing it was a Major League Baseball Player … (ok, the person throwing it was his beautiful bulldog wife, OK, the person throwing it was Marcus the swanksexual party planner) …, and the baseball big shot needed a reason to spend a million dollars, so he decided to invite 500 of his closest friends to celebrate his fabulous life with him.
I am not one of his closest friends.
He doesn’t even know me. But my man was invited. And I was tagging along.
I was crashing the party.
By Kendra Holliday | December 22, 2015
Going back to the cabin in a couple weeks… looking at the pics from our visit earlier this year with great warmth and fondness… I’m ready for a break from all the madness!
You better believe the pics are hot – we were in front of a roaring fire all weekend!
We took this tasteful version of me wearing a vintage slip for facebook:
Then we took these classic nude photos for the blog.
By Kendra Holliday | December 13, 2015
The other day, I came across this post on Cameryn Moore’s blog about death and sex work: When a Client Passes Away.
It gave me pause.
I’ve been a sex worker for almost 10 years, and a lot of my clients are older, and/or have disabilities. I’ve had clients disappear, but have never been confronted with a death.
I wondered what it would feel like to lose someone you have a professional, yet loving, intimate relationship with, that society may or may not approve of. Talk about complicated!
Unfortunately, I soon found out. Not even two weeks later, one of my client’s passed away unexpectedly. He was 35 years old with a severe disability. I was supposed to see him again Christmas week. It hit me harder than I thought.
M contacted me back in May with the following request:
“sexual surrogate for a quadriplegic disabled man”
M had Muscular Dystrophy, which, according to Mayo Clinic, “is a group of diseases that cause progressive weakness and loss of muscle mass.”
We had an initial consult via Skype. He had to use his tongue for typing. I teased him about it: “I can’t wait to see what else that tongue can do!”
I only spent a few hours with him total, but what special hours they were!
I had to travel to him, since he was so limited in mobility. He lived about an hour from St Louis.
Each session, he was sooo eager and excited! He didn’t get to explore his sexuality nearly as much as he would like to, so he was an apt pupil. We practiced kissing, oral, pleasuring a woman, and condom sex.
He’d be hard before I even entered the room – anticipation is half the fun! He trembled with excitement, and complimented me on my body – “you look good for your age.” Ha, thanks! 🙂
Since he couldn’t move his arms, we adapted a technique where he was able to get me off – “knuckle riding” – we lubed up his hand and I rode the back of it. His soft knuckles folded perfectly into my labia and clit, creating a sexy sensation that gave me tingles!
I taught him to relax his mouth while kissing, and suck my breasts in a way that I enjoyed. I boldly stood above him so he could get a good look at my pussy, and carefully lowered myself on his face so he could taste the bittersweet tang of sacred femininity, being sure not to dislodge the tracheotomy tube attached to the base of his throat. He wasn’t as fragile as I thought he was – I was able to climb all over him and experiment with different positions. He was able to feel giddy waves of pleasure, and orgasm without ejaculating.
Most men keep warm – testosterone is nature’s furnace – but the men I’ve been with who have Muscular Dystrophy are more like me – they get cold easily. So we would cuddle under blankets together and talk about plans and dreams. We would gaze into each other’s eyes. I would stroke him all over and press my soft body against his. He beamed with joy. He loved live music, his pets, and the beach. And most of all, he loved women!
I last heard from him on Dec 1. We were discussing our upcoming session the week of Christmas.
By Kendra Holliday | December 13, 2015
I’m hosting a special SEX+STL event next month!
So You Want to be a Sex Worker…
When: Tuesday, Jan 5, 7-9pm
Where: private location
Cost: $20 per person
This event is screened and private and for women only.
(In order to attend a SEX+STL private event, you need to attend one of our public events or meet one of the leaders first.)
Interested in learning about sex work? How do you find clients? How do you stay safe? How do you keep healthy? How much do you charge? What kind of situations might you encounter? Where should you do it? What are the rules? All these questions and more will be honestly and frankly answered at this fascinating and rare opportunity. Be ready to take notes!
Kendra Holliday, a seasoned sex worker, will share tips and best practices for being a successful sex worker.
Practicing and former sex workers, and those curious or serious about trying sex work are welcome to attend.
RSVP to email@example.com to request a spot.
$20/person. Bring a snack or drink if you’d like.
Topics covered include phone sex, dancing, escorting, erotic massage, surrogacy, dominatrix and more.
Come learn the secrets of The Sacred Prostitute!