By Kendra Holliday | December 23, 2017
After our spontaneous threesome the other night, I was SO eager for the three of us to get together again! I’m so greedy! I want more more MORE!
Lana came over, and we sat on the back porch and talked over cocktails, relaxing and catching up.
After a while, he asked her if she was down to play that night, and she said yes!
I love her hazel eyes, her bountiful hair, and pert nose. I’m a sucker for pert noses! She has such animated facial expressions, and tells such funny stories. I love her mannerisms. Very mischievous eyes. Also, she has an extremely smooth butt. It’s like really cute butter.
This time, he drew a bubble bath for two! We both easily fit in the tub. He gave us our girl time to sit and talk. He checked in on us, brought us drinks, it was wonderful!
Then we sat on the couch for a while to cool down, the two of us naked with towels.
He led us up to the bedroom, which was bathed in the golden glow of a small, bedside lamp. The king-size bed was adorned with chocolate brown sheets. Mood music played softly in the background.
By Kendra Holliday | December 22, 2017
Continued from previous post…
We arrived at Hustler’s Taboo night.
Thankfully, we were mature enough not to let anything interfere with our great evening, which is a good thing, because it got better every second…
Taboo was crowded and full of activity. They have quite a bit of equipment – a rope suspension section, couches, spanking benches, St. Andrews Crosses. All were in use, but soon a spanking bench opened up, and we seized it.
I went first so she could watch and get used to the energy of the place. She had some BDSM experience, but nothing public.
I eagerly bent over the bench. I was wearing a sexy little business top and skirt. The skirt hem was asymmetrical, so when I walked or bent over, you could see where my lace stockings met my pale thighs.
He worked me over, grabbing my hair, spanking me, lavishing me with good, hard attention.
I got hot and ripped off my top and bra. Lana glanced around surprised. They allow nudity here!
It was so stimulating and exhilarating! I kept laughing and giggling.
He pinned my arms behind my back and instructed Lana to tend to my top as he tended to my bottom. This guy parked himself right in front of me and stared hard. Not a problem, but he was a little too close for our comfort, so Lana stood at my head, providing a barrier between us. I’m sure he didn’t mind her ass in his face.
We were buzzed and happy.
Next, it was her turn. She had been smacked on the ass during sex, but never had a spanking like this.
By Matthew | December 22, 2017
Ed Note: Here is Matthew’s perspective of the sexy story I posted earlier this week! Another first date success story from the pages of polyamory…
Having been acquainted with this woman for almost a decade, I was happy she contacted me after her recent relationship ended. Here’s how it transpired….
“I need your help,” she blurted.
Aside from seeing her a couple times out and about, that’s the first message I received from her in more than year. I wasn’t quite sure if she needed help moving, or help with her taxes, or maybe some direct pressure on a wound?!
“Okay, but I’m gonna need more details here,” I replied.
“I need someone…”
“Go on,” I encouraged.
“Okay…I need a fuck buddy. Does that even exist? Is that weird?”
“Now we’re getting somewhere. Yes, it exists, and it is absolutely NOT weird!”
The conversation went on from there with me reassuring her that everything she wanted was totally acceptable. I asked her if she had a preference as far as type of person. Male? Female? Brown, white, yellow, big, small, old, young?
“No. I’m really not picky. I just want someone to hang out with, experience some culture, have some drinks, and have sex with no guilt, no drama and no real expectations. Knowing you….I figured you might know where to look.”
To which I replied, “Sounds perfect. How about I start with looking in the mirror?”
“I’m totally interested!” she exclaimed.
Yes!! I’ve always been attracted to her, and received great feedback from her to my flirtatious cues in the past. Now, the timing was finally right. She was well aware of my relationship status, yet still contacted me. That is a major factor in my choosing to see women for anything more than a platonic connection.
By Kendra Holliday | December 20, 2017
I’ve reached my ideal relationship goal.
At the beginning of our relationship, when my partner Matthew would go on a date, I would lie in bed, heart pounding, unable to sleep until he called me when the date was over. I would imagine all kinds of scenarios, some hot, some scary, and would anxiously hold my breath as he recounted details of the date. As the story would flesh out, I would cautiously relax, but still be slightly wary.
Time and again, after each of these encounters, he would make me feel special and secure in our relationship. I also grew accustomed to the strange sensations.
Nowadays, I can sleep fine when he’s out on a date. I don’t have to be on a date myself, I can be doing my own thing, hanging with my daughter or a friend, or enjoying some alone time. This is a big accomplishment!
Whenever I start to feel jealousy or possessiveness creep in, I remind myself that my partner is not an object. I can’t put him in a closet when I’m not with him. He deserves as much happiness and exploration as I desire for myself.
Here is an example.
Last weekend, I took my daughter on a retreat four hours north of St. Louis. We spent the time frolicking in a tiny village, creating art, making music and friends.
Meanwhile, Matthew had a date scheduled with a new woman, someone we both knew. She was in transition and wanted to find out what polyamory was all about. She approached us about it, asking how it all works. She came to the right people.
With her last boyfriend, she told him she was okay with him being with other women, as long as he let her know about it. Unfortunately, he couldn’t handle being truthful and cheated on her, despite her generous offer!
She knew she deserved better than that, so she decided to make the most of her fresh start.
They had their date. It went from 6pm until 10am that morning – EPIC!
By Kendra Holliday | December 10, 2017
We all experience trauma at some point in our lives.
Our reactions can be
and I propose a fourth –
Freak the Fuck OUT
When I feel threatened, I don’t usually fight. I usually run away or freeze. But I find that when I allow myself to FREAK THE FUCK OUT, I can recover more successfully.
For instance, if someone gets in a car accident and is in shock and gets rushed to the hospital, the medical staff will sedate the patient, which is numbing. The patient is not allowed to work through the trauma – it gets stuck.
I think when something bad happens to you, you should be allowed to freak the fuck out, or wallow in grief for a while. But then you have to make a conscious effort to Move Forward.
Being happy and healthy requires resilience.
A victim is someone who allows their past to dictate their current actions.
A survivor is someone who uses their past as a stepping stone to being stronger.
This mentality reminds me of addiction. As I’ve struggled this year with my drinking, I’ve studied many teachings, including Alcoholics Anonymous, and Moderation Management.
I was going down the AA path because I felt helpless and out of control – like a child. AA corroborated with that, espousing that alcoholics are powerless against alcohol. You have to surrender and give yourself up to a Higher Power in order to find your salvation.
I bought into that until I started reading the book Responsible Drinking. It offered a practical, shame free approach to a healthy relationship with alcohol. The part that shifted my entire lens is when they talked about the power of belief.
It’s not easy to change our beliefs and the habits that have evolved over many years. First we need that inkling. An inkling that all is NOT as it should be. Work your way through “I want to change” to “I can change” to “I’m changing now.”
I gave myself permission to be empowered. I leveled up in my personal growth process. It feels good.
Another thing I’ve taught myself is processing negative experiences quickly.
I think blogging and putting myself out there helped with this.
Years ago, if I got a nasty comment on my blog, it would sting, and it would haunt me all day.
Over time, I got used to it, and was able to process it quicker. So all day turned into all morning, then a couple hours, then an hour… nowadays, I still feel the sting, but I can move past it in about 15 minutes. That’s SO much more efficient!
Facing shame is also healthy. Anytime I have an experience and think, “I don’t want anyone to know about that!” I realize that I need to blog about it so that EVERYONE knows about it. Bringing it to the surface is so much healthier for me than burying it.
Like everyone else, I feel shame, but I process it faster than most people, I think.
I can be tender, but I have pretty thick skin!
My friend commented, “You don’t SEEM like you have thick skin. You’re soft and tender with people. I know you are tough like whoa, but I love that you aren’t hard on people. It’s a gift.”
Another superpower is being forgiving. Forgiveness lightens your emotional baggage load. So often, our parents intentionally and unintentionally hurt us when we are children. Those experiences shape us as adults. Forgiving them of their flaws and mistakes is a huge gift to everyone involved.
Paul Gilmartin of the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast always says, “All feelings are valid, there are just healthy and unhealthy ways of expressing it.”
Don’t bury or suppress your feelings. Find safe spaces to bring them to light and address all the fascinating layers that make you the person you are.
By Kendra Holliday | December 5, 2017
One of my goals is to get out of St Louis once a month for a change of scenery.
In 2017, I went to Iceland, New York, Kansas City, Indiana, Virginia, Rhode Island, Florida – and I even went crazy a few times! I’m so glad I finally got my mid-life crisis under control, PHEW!
Next up on my itinerary is a National Sex Ed Conference in New Jersey Dec 5-10 – I get to see Dr Ruth and Dr Elders in real life!
2018 is shaping up nicely – for our 10th cabinversary, we’re trying out a new cabin! It doesn’t have a hot tub, but it does have a wood burning fireplace, which is KEY.
I’ll be hitting KC again in Feb, and in March I’ll be presenting at Eroticon in LONDON!
It’s great timing, because the Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2017 was just announced, and I’m #9 on the list!
My presentation is called Shocking the System: When Your True Life Tales Cross the Line.
By the time I’m finished telling my tales, people will either love me or hate me!
By Kendra Holliday | December 4, 2017
Sometimes, my partner Matthew stops by my place for lunch. And by lunch, I mean eating my pussy and fucking the shit out of me.
I’ll be right in the middle of my day, getting shit done and on a roll, and then he picks me up and shakes me like a snow globe
I inevitably curl up in the soft blankies, all disheveled and exhausted and ready for a nap!
Obviously, it’s not good for me to be a lazy bitch. 🙁
The last time we had a power nooner, he stood up and dressed, and I did my usual “Lady of Leisure” routine of pulling the covers up over me.
“Oh no you don’t,” he said, tucking his shirt in and buckling his belt. “You’re getting up with me this time. You have to go to the store, so you’re leaving with me.”
I whined, I fussed, but he dragged me out of bed (literally – by the ankle) and I stumbled to the bathroom to check the damage.
Oh my fucking god, I looked like Aileen Wuornos.
I started brushing my hair and touching up my makeup, but he came up behind me and announced, “You have four minutes, and then you’re going out the door. It’s up to you on whether you’re wearing pants or not.”
CRAP! Fucking Task Master. It was COLD out, so I scrambled for my clothes and threw them on. I slipped back into the bathroom to make myself more presentable –
UGH! I grabbed my phone, my bag, tried distracting him with aimless chatter…
“Out the door. Now.”
“Let me grab my keys!” I protested.
And then we were out in the harsh light of day.
“There,” he said, kissing me on the forehead, “Now go be productive, My Love.”
I hope I got the pecker tracks off my cheek!
By Kendra Holliday | December 3, 2017
I haven’t hosted a TBK play party in MONTHS. 🙁 I can’t find the right venue within 45 minutes of St Louis! It has to be classy and spacious. If you have any suggestions, please let me know! (Psst I have found a great space for a Doctor/Nurse medical theme play party. Drop me a line if that is something you’d be interested in!)
In the meantime, my not-for-profit org Sex Positive St Louis is having its annual FLESHTIVUS event Dec 15. Here are details (you need to be a member of our Meetup group in order to view them). This is not a play party; it’s a clothing optional holiday party.
Besides that, I’ll be at Shameless Grounds TODAY, Dec 3, leading a Dating Safety talk at 2pm. These are our last events of the year. I have to admit, I’m getting frustrated with hosting events. We’ve organized over 700 since we kicked things off in 2010, and we have more than 3,500 members!
But attendance is down. Last month, we paid big bucks to bring in national speaker Ericka Hart, and only about 30 people came! I think we’re in a bad cycle – folks take for granted that we are here, so they don’t show up, and then we get discouraged and don’t feel inclined to organize more events. As you know, it takes a lot of time and energy. On top of that, as soon as I do bite the bullet and announce a new event, I cringe because I know several people won’t bother reading the instructions and will email me asking questions, which creates more work…
As you can see from this tweet, I’m not alone here (click to view images)…
— Kendra Holliday 😻 (@TBK365) December 3, 2017
The same sentiment can be said for Shameless Grounds – we’re SO LUCKY to have a sex-positive coffee shop in St Louis, but they are struggling. If you want access to great things, you have to support them. Otherwise, they will shrivel up and die on the vine.
Where is the passion?? I’m feeling burnout…
As I sit around and ponder my local dilemma, I have my sights set on other endeavors – I’m going places!
By Kendra Holliday | December 3, 2017
I knew this sexy 25 year old from out and about. I had chatted him up a few times very casually. I could tell he was a sexual person – he radiated vibrant energy like Ra the Sun God.
Intrigued, I sent him a message and dropped the C Bomb on him.
You know, the fact that I’m a cougar.
His response? Instantly plugged in.
He knew the game. He responded:
I will be like a South American hunter casting his bow aside to commune with the big cats of the jungle…
I wrote him back:
Well I’d hang on to your spear if I was you – I have claws, you know. 😉
We made plans to rendezvous at his place one night. I told him I didn’t want to talk beforehand, I just wanted to get down to business, and then talk later. He was down with that – he told me he would take me at the door.
I hadn’t seen his face in months, but I was certain he’d be an amazing lover.
I turned on to his street, and the butterflies started flitting in my tummy.
I knocked on his door, and he opened it. I entered. I felt a little shy. I turned away from him and dropped my purse, and he embraced me from behind and started kissing my neck. We had never touched before.
By Kendra Holliday | November 22, 2017
We all get one body as the vessel that carries us through life.
We can take care of our bodies, or we can abuse our bodies.
I take care of my body by walking daily. On the days my schedule allows, I take a dawn walk, a day walk, and a dusk walk. Sometimes, I take a dark walk, which always feels risky.
I abuse my body by putting poison in it – sugar, processed food… don’t you wish we could hook ourselves up to a machine every night and remove all the bad stuff we put into our bodies that day? ha!
Our one body goes through so many phases!
This is my baby body (are the photos small for you? Click on them to enlarge)
This is my pregnant body
This is my body in 2010
This is me in 2017
I didn’t mean to take the photos for comparison, otherwise I would have used the same lighting. I just noticed the similar pose, and the striking contrast.
One of the exercises I do in my surrogate sessions is Body Show And Tell. From head to toe, we take turns giving a body tour. We talk about our hair, our freckles, scars, tattoos, what parts of our bodies we like and don’t like.
It’s odd and liberating! It’s fun taking inventory our what we have. Take a moment to be thankful for your body, and do something nice for it this week!
By Kendra Holliday | November 4, 2017
I was all set to try something new – hire a sex worker for my partner Matthew and me! I’ve been hired countless times myself, but it’s rare I’m on the other side of the equation. Bonus points: My sex worker friend is very different than me. I LOVE contrast! She’s dark, exotic, tall, leggy, busty – and lactates! Mmmm!
I sent her thoughts on what I was envisioning:
90 min session, with about 30 min just talking on the couch connecting, then going to the bedroom and undressing/kissing. You would be center of attention, sweet sensual worship vibe. I’m bi and we’re both very attracted to you. Matthew likes experiencing female energy, exploring a new body, touching and kissing, he loves oral, giving and receiving, but if you don’t want to do oral on him, that’s totally fine. I will definitely go down on him! 🙂 He would like to go down on you if that’s ok. I might sit back and watch, I get great pleasure watching. It would be super hot if he was having sex with me while kissing you. But if we all end up lying around and you being in the middle for a bit, then him being in the middle and us both kissing on him as he gets a handjob…. that is what we are thinking.
She loved the idea!
We set a date and time. I was so excited to treat her the way I wish to be treated as a sex worker – regard her as an esteemed guest, like a queen, appreciate her rare gifts.
I prepared an envelope with cash – and a tip! – to present her when she arrived, so I wouldn’t forget at the end.
And then, 5 hours before the appointment, she canceled due to illness.
I was SOOOO bummed! Sigh. The more people involved, the harder it is to turn a fantasy into a reality.
But instead of pouting and watching a movie, I came up with Plan B. I was in the mood for something special and super hot!
By Kendra Holliday | November 3, 2017
Thanks to a wildly creative partner, I have a really exciting sex life.
Whenever any of my lingerie or stockings gets to the point where it has holes, snags, runs, we like sending it off with a bang. Most of the time, he rips it off of me before having his way with me, but this time, he opted for a little bladeplay.
It was a quiet evening in. My hair was mussed, no makeup, was feeling very submissive and mellow.
By Matthew | November 1, 2017
There are a great many resources on giving oral sex. From videos and articles, books and blog posts, one can find all kinds of information on how to give great blowjobs and eat some fierce pussy. But what about being skilled at receiving it?
Huh? Yes, you read that right.
Oral sex should satisfy both the giver and receiver at the same time, albeit not necessarily in the same way, but satisfying nonetheless. In order to make that happen, the receiver needs to be as active, at least mentally, as the giver. You have to find out what your partner likes. How? Here are some thoughts from my partner, Matthew…
|You deserve oral worship.|
1. Be Assertive
This is a big one. Don’t be afraid talk to your partner. This may take some getting used to for both of you. Some people find it embarrassing or “not right” to talk about sex openly, let alone talk while having it. Tell your partner what you like about what they are doing. Let them know they are making you feel good! “That feels amazing!” or “Yes!! Right there!” are great places to start.
You can also fantasize with your partner through speech. If you know about a particular fantasy your partner has, or you have one of your own, try acting that out. Maybe she is your secretary or co-worker. Maybe he is that young stud you’ve been wanting to have your way with for a while. Roleplaying and fantasy are great ways to live out desires without the possible repercussions of actually doing them. The possibilities are endless, but you’ll never know any of them until you try.
Lastly, but certainly not in the least, if and when you have an orgasm, in the name of all that is good; vocalize it. “Yesssss!!!” “I’m Cumming!!!” “Holy Fucking Shit!” or whatever comes out. (On the subject of whatever comes out: Men – do not surprise your partner with a mouthful of cum. You must let them know you are about to release so they can control where it goes. Unless of course you’ve talked about it and know what your partner prefers.)
2. Be Active
This can happen in numerous ways. Of course you shouldn’t immediately jam your dick down their throat or suffocate them with your grinding pussy. Start with a slight push toward them. Pay attention to their reaction or ask them if they like that. If they do, then you can push or grind a bit more. You’ll eventually find a comfortable amount for both of you. Keep in mind, everyone is different in their preferences. Some people like their face smothered or their mouth fucked hard and they get great pleasure from it.
Try touching their head, shoulder, cheeks, or hair in different ways. Remember always start lightly and move to more intense sensations. If you find your partner enjoys their hair gripped and head controlled, do it. If you find your partner likes his face ground into and thighs clinched around his cheeks, do it. It will make is more pleasurable for them.
3. Be Adaptive
Don’t get get stuck receiving oral in the same place, at the same time, in the same way, for the same reason. Try new positions like standing or lying on your side. Different environments can offer amazing amounts of excitement. Of course you need to be very mindful of some environments (i.e. elevators, cars, public bathrooms, dressing rooms, parking garages, wooded areas, etc.), but great pleasure can be realized from short sessions of oral sex. It doesn’t always have to be done to orgasmic completion. After all, foreplay and build up are great pleasure paths.
Certainly this list of thoughts and suggestions is just that. Everyone is different and derives pleasure in different ways. However, not many people want to feel like what they are doing is not appreciated. If you keep that in mind, you can come up with many more ways to make oral sex an even more amazing part of your life.
Now, go forth, and receive head.
What are your oral sex tips?
By Kendra Holliday | October 21, 2017
You guys! Guess what I’m giving myself for my 44th birthday?
My FIRST MAMMOGRAM! Thank goodness my health insurance will cover it under preventive care. They have no idea how amazing they are! 🙂
In celebration, I’m reposting this ode to breasts. ENJOY! …………..
I’ve FINALLY figured out what makes female breasts/nipples so awed and feared!
You know I’ve been struggling with this Topless Inequality quandary for years – remember the Obscene Nipple Game?
A married man told me that seeing his wife’s breasts is always exciting – it never gets old. “Every time I see them, it’s like it’s the first time. It’s refreshing and invigorating.”
I notice with amusement how predictable my clients are – as soon as my bra comes off, they lean down and suck on each nipple, like an automatic, erotic handshake. They simply HAVE to touch and fondle them.
But then get this – the other day I had a date with my girlfriend, and when she took off her shirt, I was compelled to do the exact same thing! I just wanted to grab them! But I didn’t – I was a respectful lady. And that reaction is even with me having breasts myself!
Breasts are like warm, glowing light bulbs, and we are mere moths. Supposedly, moths are drawn to light because of some ancient connection to the moon, which is a feminine symbol.
Sooo here’s the deal – the reason female breasts and nipples are so awed and feared is because
THEY ARE MAGIC.
That’s it. They are a source of creation and life-giving. They symbolize Mother Earth – they are the opposite of destruction. And while most people revere and respect life force and see it as a positive thing, some people find it overwhelming and confusing, which can be scary. The more we can be in touch with our feelings, the healthier we can process the mysterious world around us.
I breastfed my daughter for a year, and am so proud how I provided her only food source for months, and how she thrived and grew – it’s so magical and empowering!
In honor of this realization, I’m hosting a Topless Tarot event later this week, for women only. We’ll sit around in my warm and cozy fairy cottage and connect and bond over candlelight, cards, gems, and runes. We’ll be surrounded by breasts and loving female energy! Our cups runneth over!
I went back into my blog archives and pulled random breast photos – I just love them so much, and am happy to have them. I’m glad to share them with you, on my own terms. Thank you for your respectful worship and appreciation!
By Kendra Holliday | October 7, 2017
In addition to offering surrogate sessions, I also entertain fetish exploration (and anything else I feel like!)
Often, a session only involves a condom and lube. Easy cleanup!
On more rare occasions, a session involves A LOT of cleanup. HA!
— Kendra Holliday (@TBK365) October 7, 2017
This week I had one of those… messy sessions. I affectionately refer to my extreme fetish clients as “pervs” or “sluts”. At first, they feel self-conscious about it, but over time, they realize my playground for perverts is safe, and they have fun with it.
Don’t get me wrong – I looove easy sessions that involve sensuality and TLC, but the freak sessions are pretty fun. I like creative sexuality and mixing it up! When I say, “Let your freak flag fly,” I mean it!!!
Here is a (dirty) laundry list of what we did in 90 minutes:
- Two days ago, I put him in a cock cage and sent him on his way to stew in his own juices.
- That means he had two days of foreplay. Wearing the cock cage puts him in a completely submissive state of mind. He’s like a whimpering, horned up puppy who wants to do anything for me.
- He arrived in his boring street clothes. I made him change into a turquoise bikini and hot pink dog collar. Cage remains on.
- I make him lick my pussy until I cum LOUD. He’s well trained to know what I like, right down to proper tongue strokes – we’ve been seeing each other for about two years!
- Satisfied, I pull down his bikini bottoms and slap his caged cock around. I affix a few clothes pins to his balls.
- I bend him over the bed, condom up a vibrating dildo and fuck him with it. He whimpers and wiggles like a little bitch.
- I take him down to the dungeon and make him my toilet. I have a brilliant contraption another client designed (he needs to market this!) It’s a commode with a cut out space for a head to fit in. It is my Throne. I place him on the concrete floor with his head in the opening. Then, I sit on the toilet seat, my powerful pussy positioned above his trapped head. I piss into his eager mouth, and he drinks my piss. Gulp. Gulp. Gulp… he will do anything for me.
- I make him shower and mouthwash.
- We go back to the bedroom and I FINALLY uncage him. Slowly.
- Liberated, he springs into action and begs to fuck me. I allow him to be a man. I put a condom on his free ranging dick and he fucks me. He loves my pussy. He is swimming in subspace and female energy.
- I stop him and insist he masturbate into the condom. I drizzle lube on him as he frantically jerks off. As I pinch his nipples and stroke his balls, I whisper filthy things in his ear that involve other men, gang bangs, dogs… he’s a cunt licker. He’s a piss drinker. He’s a cocksucker. He’s my whore. I put him on display for everyone to use however they want, like an interactive art display. I have him by the balls.
- He’s breathing like a steam engine and has an explosive orgasm in the condom. I inform him he is now a cum licker. I carefully peel off the sopping condom and squeeze the contents into his mouth. He greedily sucks it up and down and all around. I clamp a hand over his mouth and order him to swallow. Of course he does. He will do anything for me.
Before he left, he offered me a tip, which I graciously accepted. “It’s like a cleaning bill.”