By Kendra Holliday | May 30, 2015
I almost killed Joan Price.
But before I tell you how (it wasn’t on purpose!), let me back up a little bit and set the stage.
Her focus is on senior sexuality, because while she advocates for ALL adults to enjoy sex on their own terms, she especially wants to reach seniors and remind them they have full rights and permission to continue to explore their sexuality. Too often in our society, people think they have to give up their sexuality at a certain age (opinions vary on what that age is!)
Joan advocates AGELESS SEXUALITY – retire from your job, not your sex life!
Before I dive into the behind-the-scenes of her visit to St. Louis last month, feel free to read my review of her book Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex , her new book The Ultimate Guide to Sex After Fifty, this post featuring female orgasms that will lead you to her awesome blog, and this incredibly moving piece she wrote about the death of her husband – he was the Love of her Life.
I couldn’t believe we were hosting this amazing woman! For months before her arrival, we held naked fundraisers (Happy Nude Year!) and whore workshops in order to pay her fee. She agreed to stay at my house! It’s a small little fairy cottage. I happily gave her my bedroom and slept on a mattress in my daughter’s room.
I was envisioning media coverage, filling auditoriums with doctors and bussing in people from retirement homes all over the area, but we ended up with three smaller affairs – she spoke at a wonderfully progressive synagogue, The Ethical Society, and at Washington University School of Social Work. All in all, she reached about 200 people during her visit. I wanted her to reach 2000! Maybe next time…
By Kendra Holliday | May 28, 2015
I’m really at a cross roads in my marriage due to mismatched libidos. My husband has a higher drive for “vanilla” stuff. I’ve told my husband about some of my kinks and he’s weirded out, even by things I consider pretty banal, like using a vibrator during sex. He’s kinda judgy about anything that isn’t penetrative sex.
I told him I wanted an open relationship but that did not go down well. I’m 29, he’s 34, we’ve been together 6 years. We never had a honeymoon period, sexually.
I’ve told him we should be doing these things while were young. If we don’t do these things with eachother they’re never going to happen.
I can picture myself in my minds eye, aged 50, frustrated and celibate.
I haven’t been vague in communicating what I want. Anyway the sorts of fantasies I’ve shared are forced orgasms, anal, etc. I mostly get off on an exchange of power.
My husband has said all my fantasies seem to revolve around things being done to me and they have the hallmark of someone who has spent a lot of time alone, in their head and they’re not healthy. I honestly think I’d be more up for “regular” sex if I felt my desires were respected or treated with some kind of curiosity. At present we have sex about once a month when I can manage to work myself up with my fantasies.
I do love my husband. We’re great friends and we have so much in common. But this is my number one frustration. The ridiculous part is my husband resents that I’m not ready and willing to fuck more than once a month. It’s not for a lack of drive, I’m just bored shitless!
What would you do if you were me?
By Kendra Holliday | May 22, 2015
I offer a lot of interesting services, and am always up for suggestions.
One of the services I offer are adult toy store tours.
The store is big, clean, spacious, and has a great inventory!
A few years ago, I wasn’t too impressed with the staff. They were surly goth chicks with lots of tattoos and bad attitudes.
When I went in there the other day with a client, I was glad to be greeted by some really nice, helpful staff.
I was all ready to show off for my client my extensive knowledge of adult toys. Was I in for a surprise! As you know, I’ve reviewed sex toys for years, but I haven’t in a while.
Things have changed SOO much in the past few months! There are SO many new, improved products on the market! I felt like a kid getting cake for the first time!
I was so excited, and a little embarrassed to be caught off guard by all the awesome new TOYS!!!
But my client was just as eager and fun-loving as I was, so it was all good!
By Kendra Holliday | May 21, 2015
Would you like to take a peek into my email inbox? I get inquiries like this almost daily. MEN: Please take note.
So I get this email from a random guy:
I just discovered your blog today and would love to meet you. I am a 37 year old male with a great body and a Hugh sex drive. Let’s make it happen!
Glad you like my blog! How did you find it? Let me know if you’d like to schedule a consultation. $60/hr
I came upon it in the RFT. I’d like to get to know you better… What does the consultation entail?
A consultation is $100 for an hour, in a public setting. A way to get to know each other and find out more about you and what you are seeking (I pretty much put everything out there about me, but don’t know anything about you!)
He shoots back:
Eventually, if you decide you want to, I would like you to join my girl friend and me. Is that something we can work towards?
Houston, we have a problem.
By Kendra Holliday | May 19, 2015
My partner Matthew and I are both infertile by choice.
He had a vasectomy a few years ago, and I followed suit with a hysterectomy.
I haven’t bled out of my vagina in more than two years!
I have to admit, it’s pretty awesome.
I mourn the fact that I’ll never have a baby with him. He smells soo good. My body fiercely wants this magnificent alpha male’s baby. I envy his ex-wife for having that honor, not once, but twice – a boy and a girl.
One time Mattew wrote me a love note of fantastical thoughts. This was an excerpt:
…Us together forever…bringing a crying baby to you in the middle of the night to nurse…holding you while you fade away…fucking you on top a building, mountain, Eiffel Tower…slow fucking you with others in the room…caging you up-only getting you out to fuck-but putting you back in to come on you…letting you do anything you want to me…seeing you in white from head to toe…being without you…caring for you when you are sick…Loving you til the day I die…
I positively swooned over this, especially the part about the baby. It sounded soo romantic. Impregnation fantasies turn me on!
The thing is, I don’t WANT a baby ever again. I don’t LIKE babies. I’m not into noise, shit, and huge amounts of responsibility. I love my freedom. I was lucky to experience the full range of motherhood once, and that was plenty for me.
By Kendra Holliday | May 18, 2015
UPDATE: Sex Positive St. Louis is hosting a talk on asexuality Sunday, May 24 at Shameless Grounds, from 2-4pm. Guest speaker Tom will tell us all about asexuality and share his story. My asexual daughter and I will be there!
I know it’s going to sound crazy, but there are people out there who aren’t horny all the time.
I recently read this fascinating book called Who’s Been Sleeping in Your Head: The Secret World of Sexual Fantasies. The author polled thousands of people, and was surprised to learn that 10% of his sample group reported no sexual fantasies. He was skeptical, wondering if they were in denial or had super repressed fantasies.
Maybe they really don’t fantasize about sex. Maybe they aren’t interested in it. Maybe sex isn’t a priority for them.
Which leads me to THIS book – The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality.
I’ll admit it – I used to think asexuality was not real. I couldn’t wrap my head around the concept – sex is a huge part of my life, so how could it be insignificant to someone else?
Then, when I finally acknowledged it was real, I was of the mindset that it was odd or the person was defective, and hopefully they would eventually outgrow the notion and get with the program – sex is the most important thing in the world.
Boy, was I ignorant!
By Kendra Holliday | May 17, 2015
Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Goldislut. She was wandering through the forest when she came across a little cottage. However, this wasn’t an ordinary house – it was more like The Three Bears Sex Club.
Bold and impudent, she opened the front door.
There, on the table, were three butt plugs lined up in a row – a small, amethyst glass one, a medium wood plug, and a large, menacing black rubber torpedo.
She flipped up her skirt and tried the little amethyst glass plug first.
“This plug is too small!” she complained as it practically disappeared up her bum. The base was not nearly wide enough.
Then she tried the big, black torpedo.
“OW! This plug is too big!” she whined as she just got the tip in. “Not to mention it’s made out of crappy material!”
Then she tried the medium, wooden Treeze tear drop butt plug…
Actually, that’s not exactly how it went down.
Mama Bear and Papa Bear burst in through the other room and caught Goldislut red-handed!
By Kendra Holliday | May 12, 2015
I finally read your ebook, The Book of Goddess and loved it! It reminded me of some very important things, especially the section in Chapter 3 about relationships. It helped reaffirm my choices, as well as made me open my eyes a little as to what may be out there.
I have a topic of interest: the single goddess. I have found it incredibly difficult to find a solid partner. I have men and women who come and go, who are OK with our situation for a while, and then things end up sour. I have been with people who have primary relationships and I’ve been their outlet, but they eventually find it’s not something they want to/can continue. It’s been very hard as a single bi poly gal to find a partner who is truly OK with my choices and loves me unconditionally.
I’ve tried to conform to others which has only lead to disaster. I’ve tried to explain my ways to others which only led to disappointment and hurt. I have spent a good portion of the past few years since my divorce working on myself and my happiness, and not finding reciprocation.
I get satisfaction from living my life the way I want to, but I feel something’s missing. It’s a lonely place to be sometimes. I tell myself often that my primary relationship is with myself. And I do believe that – physically, emotionally, and mentally. I still have people in my life who bring me physical, emotional, and mental pleasure as well. But it’s not the same as somebody, one person who is on the same page; who wants me to be happy; whose idea of happiness includes being with me (the real me) as well.
I’m tired of being the third wheel that gets cut from the mix when things get too hairy. I want to be someone’s Number One!
(For those of you who don’t know, I wrote an ebook on female empowerment a few years ago called The Book of Goddess. I’ll be updating and republishing it later this year!)
I totally hear you – you want what I have. You want to be someone’s Number One. You want to be with someone who accepts the fact that you have complex emotional and physical desires. You want an extraordinary man who can handle an extraordinary woman.
Like you, I went through life trying on many men and relationships, and none of them fit right. They loved that I was bi and open-minded, they could handle that part just fine, but they couldn’t handle ALL of me. I felt so guilty, and finally decided I just wasn’t relationship material and needed to remain single.
Then I met Matthew through a mutual friend. He was freshly divorced from a traditional, monogamous marriage. We started out friends and had many deep conversations. What started out as an unlikely match turned out to be a perfect fit.
I don’t think you’ll have much luck finding a great partner if your immediate goal is to audition him for the role of partner. Start off with friendship first. Allow many deep conversations. Get to know each other before jumping in bed. Find out if he is a mature man. Let him get used to the fact that you’re extraordinary. He needs time to process your kinks. If he’s the right match, he’ll warm to them.
It’s fine to try online dating, but I’ve had the most luck meeting people through my network, so keep active and put yourself out there. Look for opportunities outside your normal bubble. Join new groups. If you’ve been invited out that night and you’re really tired, splash some cold water on your face, put on your heels and go out. You just never know. That’s how my good friend met her electric soulmate lover – friends invited her out. She almost passed, but she didn’t, and the rest is female ejaculation history.
You’ll be glad to know that my group SEX+STL offers events for learning, growing, and meeting like-minded people. In the past, Matthew, David Wraith, and Justin, three very different men who have enjoyed great success with women and open relationships, have shared their wisdom and experience. We’ll try and schedule another talk soon.
And remember – the following traits are desirable for ANY healthy relationship: agreeability, confidence, conscientiousness, maturity, and, the trickiest one — being emotionally stable.
By Kendra Holliday | May 11, 2015
Most of the events hosted by my not-for-profit group, Sex Positive St. Louis, are open to all genders.
Occasionally, we’ll offer an event for women only. They are ALWAYS wonderful, a great opportunity for women to explore their sexuality safely, in a setting that is comfortable for them.
In the spirit of equality, some of our male members requested an event for men only, so we gave it a try. We called it “Dicktacular! Dicktacular!” It was a chance for men to get together and discuss their penises.
The event was a FLOP.
The energy was not good, the conversation didn’t flow, the guys had trouble opening up, and I doubt anyone left feeling empowered.
So, David Wraith suggested we try a different approach. He had a weird, experimental idea – a CFNM theme. What is that, you may ask? Read on!
He sent this invitation out to a select group of men and women:
You are invited to a very special SEX+STL event. We are beta testing a new discussion group, The Penis Party.
This event will differ from past events like The Pussy Party, Dictacular! Dictacular!, and our normal Clothing Optional Meetups in a variety of ways.
Unlike The Pussy Party and Dictacular! Dictacular!, this event is open to any gender.
Unlike our Clothing Optional Meetups, this event will NOT be clothing optional, but a Clothed Female Naked Male theme (CFNM). Men attending will have to be completely naked; women attending will have to remain clothed.
Like The Pussy Party and Dictacular! Dictacular!, this will be a discussion of genitalia – the penis, specifically. However, this will be a Fish Bowl styled discussion, divided by gender. Meaning, for the first half of the discussion, the men will speak among themselves about their penises and the women will listen. For the second half, the women will speak among themselves about their relationship to penises and the men will listen.
This is an experiment. It’s co-ed because my experience with men-only events is that they tend to be dour affairs that lack the energy of co-ed and women-only events.
It’s CFNM because this event is about the penis, just as The Pussy Party is about the vulva, and my fear is that naked women would be a distraction. It’s also an interesting way to shift the power dynamic and the traditional (male) gaze.
It’s Fish Bowl style because my experience with co-ed discussion groups is that the men tend to dominate, even talking over and interrupting women. Allowing women to speak without male interruption is another way of playing with traditional power dynamics.
Do we know how potentially disastrous this could be? As a matter of fact, we do. That’s why we’re beta testing it with a select group of people (you guys) to gauge whether we want to make it a regular event open to all our members.
So, how did it go?
By Kendra Holliday | May 3, 2015
Flaying, also known colloquially as skinning, is the removal of skin from the body. – Wikipedia
In the United States, it’s often the default to slice off the foreskin of infant boys. You can watch the three most common procedures here – Plastibell, Gomco, and Mogen. Caution: it’s bloody and brutal and the pinned down babies cry, even though they get numbing injections.
The rate has dropped about 10-20% in recent years. I hope it continues to drop.
I gave birth to my daughter in 2000, and I was SO glad she was a girl. My ex-husband’s family was Jewish, and the pressure would have been strong to circumcise for religious tradition reasons.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m fine with penises that have been cut and scarred, but I hardly ever get to play with an uncircumcised dick, so it’s a treat when I do! They’re so slidy and silky…
I work with a lot of men intimately on their sexual dysfunction, and all of them are circumcised. Granted, I have several lovers, and they are all circumcised and functioning fine. I can only think of one man I know at this time who is uncircumcised, and he moved here from Europe in the 8th grade.
He said it was a shock to his system to be in the locker room with all the other boys. He was terrified he would be forced to undergo the procedure!
He likened it to nipple amputation. “Pretend you were in a society where nipple removal was commonplace, and you were a freak if you still had yours!”
A lot of people think an uncut penis looks funny, but it just depends on what you are used to. We see cut penises in almost all the porn out there.
I was curious to read Please Don’t Circumcise Your Baby Boy: The Case Against Male Infant Circumcision, by Roland Hume, a British man who moved to the United States in 2001.
He also experienced culture shock – from our faulty healthcare system, to all the gun-toting mania. But it was the rampant practice of circumcision that shocked him most of all.
I expected his book to be very jerky and ranty, and he does get a little harsh from time to time, but for the most part, he argues his case against circumcision with sensitivity. The ebook is succinct – he doesn’t bog it down with loads of case stories and statistics – just enough to get his point across.
By Kendra Holliday | April 29, 2015
Yang is characterized as hard, fast, solid, dry, focused, hot, and aggressive. It is associated with masculinity and daytime. – Wikipedia, on yin and yang
The night before, I had been with a sweet, beautiful woman. The next day, I was with her polar opposite.
Every time I get with Matthew, I feel thrilled and torn – I want to hang out and joke with him, but I also want him to dominate and be mean to me. I want to make love, but I also want to be fucked.
I want to make the most out of each and every moment we’re together.
Unable to make up my mind, I tend to resort to a trust fall approach and let him dictate the mood, which works well for us.
For instance, the last time he came over, he texted me ahead of time with the following instructions:
“Naked, on your knees, facing away from the front door, hands behind your back, don’t speak.”
It ended up being a very intense 20 minutes, leaving me emotionally and physically wiped out for the rest of the day.
This time, I was wearing a cute little red silk shortie pajama set, and ran up to him eagerly when he arrived. We kissed and cuddled and I walked him back to the bedroom by the hand. He chuckled at all the slut droppings – toys, massage oil, and candles strewn about from the night before.
He pushed me down on the bed and crushed me with his formidable weight, which always makes me giggle uncontrollably. Then he relieved us both of our clothes and we reconnected joyously: he had me, filled me, surrounded me … it didn’t take long for both of us to cum.
By Kendra Holliday | April 28, 2015
Yin is usually characterized as slow, soft, insubstantial, diffuse, cold, wet, and tranquil. It is generally associated with the feminine, birth and generation, and with the night. – Wikipedia, on yin and yang
“It’s my birthday Monday, and I want YOU to be my birthday present, sweetie!” my girlfriend Rachel announced to me.
“ME?” I exclaimed. “Um, OK!”
We both play with men a lot, so we wanted a chance to enjoy feminine delights without cock bobbing around for a change. Don’t get me wrong – mff threesomes are SO MUCH FUN, but when you’re a hot bisexual woman, it’s not easy scheduling girl-on-girl time!
Matthew was a total gentleman about it, by the way. Lord knows he gets plenty of action on his own, so he gave me space and his blessing and never once joked about joining us. This was a nice change from all the other men I’ve been with in the past who were – oh fine, I’ll say it – selfish babies when it came to my girlfriends.
I made her a special birthday dinner, with salad, vegetable lasagna, artisan bread, champagne grapes, wine, and homemade french vanilla chocolate chip cookies. I excitedly lit candles, put on some romantic music… I felt so cute in my vintage teddy.
She arrived, we had a relaxing dinner, she loved everything, we couldn’t stop talking!
Finally she said, “Dinner was just wonderful sweetie, but I’m ready for dessert!”
I was getting cougared for a change!
By Kendra Holliday | April 26, 2015
It’s Sunday afternoon.
Matthew gets out of the shower, towels off, then hands me the shave cream to apply to his rough cheeks.
He takes a drink of whiskey from his crystal tumbler, then hands me the glass. I take a respectful sip, then hand it back.
With a sense of wonder, I slather the rich, white cream on his face, trying to cover every square inch of manly stubble.
I sit on the floor in the bathroom doorway and watch in awe as he shaves with a razor. When I was a little girl, I watched my daddy shave, and I feel the same abject devotion and fascination now.
He’s so big, strong, and manly. With the razor, he carves decency and civilization into his face, removing any traces of caveman and brute.
Then, with a flick of the razor in my direction, he indicates that I need to stand up and service him. I hop up and he hands me the blade and offers me one of his cheeks so I can act as quality control.
Tentatively and reverently, I drag the razor shyly down his cheek.
“Harder,” he commands, staring into space.
I obey, and my next swipe is more assured.
He offers me the other cheek.
Then he looks up.
I hold my breath as I run the razor down his bulging Adam’s apple. I might as well be sticking my finger up his ass. I treat him with utmost care and respect.
He drains his whiskey and hands me the glass with a nod, penetrating me with his steely blue eyes. “I need more.”
I scurry off to refill it for him as he rinses his face off with hot water. I exchange the amber firewater for a towel.
I take it and gingerly pat his handsome face dry, under his chin, around his nose, my lips parted with concentration. I want to serve him well.
Then he takes his razor and mimics the shaving ritual on my already ridiculously smooth cheeks and neck. He takes his big hand and tilts my face up and over.
“Be still,” he breathes, “I don’t want your blood on me. Yet.” I freeze. He runs the razor down my neck, down the most sensitive hinge of my throat.
Then he takes his aftershave cologne and pats it on himself, then anoints me with it, my face, my neck, my wrists….I am marked with his scent.
He strides into the bedroom, and I follow him.
He puts on a t-shirt and jeans. Aloof, he nods towards his belt on the bed. The same belt he used on me earlier.
I reach for it and ask him in a small voice which way it goes. He indicates to his left, and I snake it in between his belt loops. I work my way around his wide torso, and cinch it at his fly.
“I feel like I’m chaining down the beast,” I murmur.
Then he pulls a button down shirt off the hanger in the closet and hands it to me. He turns away from me and relaxes his arms so I can dress him.
I slip his shirt up his arms and around him, and my breath is lost in the whisper of cotton….
I feel like I am suiting the King up for battle.
Once he is dressed, my services are no longer needed, so he walks me to the door.
In a daze, I go to my car, get in, turn the key, and drive away.
He watches me intently from the doorway the entire time.
By Kendra Holliday | April 23, 2015
I hosted a big, upscale play party a couple weeks ago, and it was EPIC!
These parties take SO much work to organize. I spend countless hours just on screening and email correspondence. Everyone has so many questions (I added FAQ to the Party page!), and there are details galore to sort out.
One of the biggest challenges is finding a venue. It makes it much easier when someone in the community has a big, classy place and offers to host, but when that isn’t an option, I have to rent a place, which is nerve wracking.
Case in point: A week before this last party, my original venue canceled on me!
So I called in my troops and we ended up finding an even BETTER place. I have a core group of awesome friends – I can’t do it alone!
Super Slut Powers – Activate!
The gorgeous lake house in the country was spacious and modern – IDEAL.
I wore an electric blue dress.
People started arriving at 7pm, and we socialized like a normal party for a couple hours.
The place was TEEMING with gorgeous redheads – there were like a dozen of them. And so many other sexy, well-dressed people! Women in sparkling evening gowns, men in kilts and tuxedos…everyone was walking around with huge smiles on their faces. Excitement and anticipation was in the air!
My friend Sissy Maid was in full French maid attire with fishnets and heels, making sure drinks were filled and pillows (tee hee!) were fluffed.
At 9pm, my partner Matthew and I made an announcement. We dedicated the evening to our friends, Warren, Jade and Adam, who had been to some of my parties in the past, but would not be with us this time – just that afternoon, we attended Warren’s memorial service. I started to cry, and Matthew stepped in and picked up where I left off. He always has my back. We reminded everyone of guidelines and etiquette, and then kicked off our icebreaker – a girl pile!
I stood in the middle of the great room and eagerly stripped off my dress, inviting women to join me. We started off with four or five, and it eventually swelled to twenty writhing, orgasmic lusty ladies! It’s crazy – I always envision a soft core porn scene, with women gently kissing, touching, and sighing, but it’s always more kinky and intense!
We took turns being the lucky lady in the middle, reveling in all the hands and tongues and sex toys. You always hear about women taking 20 minutes to orgasm, but with all that concentrated attention and positive female energy, women were popping off left and right! Squirting, screaming, gushing… toes were sucked, asses were spanked, pussies were fucked… and there was a HUGE audience watching it all go down, some overlooking the scene from the balcony. As an exhibitionist, that was a plus for me!
By Kendra Holliday | April 16, 2015
YOU GUYS! JOAN PRICE IS COMING TO ST LOUIS!!! April 25-27!
Joan Price is, among other things, a senior sex educator and author. I reviewed her book Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex a couple years ago. I’ve been wanting to meet her ever since.
She has a new book out called The Ultimate Guide to Sex After Fifty. You can pick up a copy at Left Bank Books, or at one of the events. Shameless Grounds also has copies available in their lending library.
A lot of my clients are 50+. The oldest person I’ve ever been intimate with was 91. He experienced cunnilingus with me for the first time in his life! He was surprised it was pleasant – he had always been told female genitals were dirty and smelly. He thought sex toys were disgusting.
People of all ages often have misconceptions about sex. Joan’s book tackles some great topics in a very readable, approachable manner. She teaches her readers about sex toys, masturbation, partner sex, health, dating, and more.
Aging is about change. We might not have the same abilities we had in our twenties, but that’s okay – we can enjoy a new way of enjoying our sexuality. I had a 55-year-old man tell me he wanted to get back to how he was in his twenties – an aggressive power fucker. With his erectile dysfunction issues and hip problems, I knew that was an unrealistic goal, so I introduced him to different methods of lovemaking and intimacy. I helped him come to terms and embrace his evolving sexuality.
I tell you what – tantra is MY secret weapon. When I get less flexible and mobile and can’t assume as many vigorous sex positions as I get older, I’m going to start incorporating tantra more and more into my lifestyle. Lots of breathing and eye gazing closeness with my partners – ahhhh.
Joan touches upon tantra in her book, as well as other sexually creative elements such as BDSM.
Did you know a flaccid penis can feel pleasure and achieve orgasm? Do you know where the P-spot is? Did you know that too much togetherness can hamper our libidos? Have you ever thought that maybe sex workers save marriages? Is sex a need, or a desire?
And then there are the tough topics – mismatched libidos. Being in a sexless marriage. Cheating. Joan calls on other experts to weigh in on these issues, and offers a checklist to review called “Should I Stay Or Should I Go?”
She offers lots of tips, encouragement, and validation. Stop dwelling on the things your body can’t do, and start celebrating what it CAN do.
Actively seek out therapy and solutions.
Here is Joan’s mantra:
– Desire follows action.
– Use it, don’t lose it.
– Just do it.