Cabin Reprise

By Kendra Holliday | November 11, 2016

Another incredible weekend at the cabin.

The cabin is under new ownership now, so they made some nice minor improvements, such as new furniture, bedding, and this sign:

Ha ha

Ha ha

…unless you have a sex blog.

We had a fire going ALL WEEKEND, which apparently is as bad for you as smoking cigarettes, godammit. I guess it’s a good thing I don’t have a wood burning fireplace at my house.

Mesmerizing

Mesmerizing

Here’s a pic of me in the hot tub from a previous year:

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Adventures with Ginger at the Cabin

By Kendra Holliday | November 11, 2016

This year was the fourth time we’ve been to the cabin, and it flew by faster than ever. The day after we returned I was really grumpy, suffering from cabin drop and feeling very put out that I had to take care of all the necessary duties and resposibilities instead of lying around all tied up in front of the fire sticking ginger up my ass.

Excuse me?

Every year we enjoy all the favorite traditions (watching Westerns, building fires, stargazing, listening to Iron & Wine, wearing pajamas or nothing the entire time), but we also like to incorporate something new into our repertoire.

Lately I’ve been on a ginger kick. I love theme events, so I packed a bunch of ginger goodies: tea, men, liqueur, soda, and of course, the root itself.

I was determined to drink the entire bottle of The Big O (“there’s nothing fake about it” ) that weekend (we all have our goals), but I couldn’t quite get there. It started leaving a sickly sweet mossy film on my teeth that no amount of brushing could remove from my ginger-spiced psyche.

We also brought along this awesome vulva ornament our dear friend Rockabilly Girl gave us to hang above the fireplace:

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The King’s Birthday Buffet

By Kendra Holliday | November 6, 2016

I’m proud to say that the gang bang I had for my 40th birthday kicked off a tradition among my friends – orgies celebrating their 40th, 50th, etc. birthday! There have been several in the St. Louis region, featuring various fantasies and frivolity, sometimes before a fire, sometimes beneath the glow of a red light…

For science!

For science!

The thing is, you have to EARN an incredible orgy for your birthday – you can’t just dial it in. You need to spend years cultivating friendships with people who are in touch with their sexuality, and, more importantly, love and respect you.

My partner Matthew lovingly organized my gang bang, so it was only appropriate I return the favor by arranging a comparable 40th birthday celebration for him.

He helped make my fantasy of being surrounded by awesome male energy come true, so guess what? He wanted to be surrounded by awesome female energy!

BUT

We improved on the formula. This was not just a reverse gang bang, no ma’am.

This was going to be BETTER than that.

After making a list of who we would like to be present, I sent the following invitation to eight women:

Dear Women of High Esteem and Even Higher Regard,

The King's Beard

The King’s Beard

I would be so honored if you could lend your sacred female energy to the celebration of My King’s 40th birthday celebration.

Please bring a robe to wear once inside. Cocktails will be served. Decadent catering by Shameless Grounds.

The premise: Women will lounge about in robes, chatting and bonding. The King will beckon us one by one back to his chamber for exclusive quality time, on each woman’s terms. Please know that you are not expected to do anything you do not want to do.

The evening will culminate with some group worship, with guest comfort level paramount. The goal is for everyone to be comfortable and well cared for.

With Sensual Respect and Reverence,

Queen Kendra of The Beautiful Kind

To our delight, EVERYONE responded with an enthusiastic YES!

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Erectile Dysfunction: How to Fix It

By Kendra Holliday | November 3, 2016

Note: This article was originally published here.

Phallic symbols are EVERYWHERE

Hey, fellas—when’s the last time you sported a boner? Have you ever noticed how annoying spontaneous erections are for teenage boys, and how annoying lack of erections are for older men?

In fact, if you look up “Reason for Erection” on the internet, besides getting some German band’s website, you’ll also find a lot of resources for unfortunate teenage boys plagued with erection problems: Erections during class. Erections at night. Erections for no reason at all. Boo-hoo, must be nice! I hope they remember that 40 years from now!

According to evolutionary psychologist Satoshi Kanazawa, the only biological function of an erection is to allow men to have intercourse with women, with the end goal of making a baby. But hey, we’re human, and sometimes men want to use their dicks recreationally. It can be extremely frustrating when the little head doesn’t play nicely with the big head. Let’s face it – dicks can be unpredictable!

As a sex surrogate, I help out men with all kinds of issues. One of the more common complaints is ED—erectile dysfunction. There are two causes for ED—physical and mental.

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You Make Me Sick

By Kendra Holliday | October 29, 2016

Phew I'm tired!

Phew I’m tired!

You’re always hearing jokes about Roman Showers, but have you ever met someone who is really and truly into them?

I have. Let’s call him Puke Boy. And let’s ask him some questions.

TBK: What is the proper name for your fetish?

PB: Emetophilia. That includes anyone turned on by vomiting, even themselves vomiting.

TBK: What’s your preferred term for it?

PB: Probably “throwing up,” “getting sick” or just plain “vomit” when talking about a hot girl doing it, but probably “puke” or “barf” when talking about me or some dude doing it. I believe the actual act of throwing up on someone is called a roman shower.

TBK: What do you like about it?

PB: Although I am not into S&M and hate for a girl to be in pain, I am conflicted as the tender side of me wants to console her and make her feel better, while this perverted primal instinct inside of me suddenly awakens and is very interested. I actually get more and more aroused as her nausea builds. She’s trying to fight it, but she’s really helpless as there’s nothing she can do to stop it. Some soft moans as she clutches her stomach as she wishes it to either stop or just hurry up so she can get it over with.

Then there’s the waiting around and anticipation of when things are gonna get started, and a chunky sour burp signals it is imminent. She says “Oh no, I think I’m going to throw…” Just then the climax arrives and she opens her mouth and the warm thick liquid flows out of her mouth. No more words, as wave upon wave comes over her. Spasms grip her tight little body as her last meal is forcibly expelled. She’s able to get some breaths of air in between belches and some gurgling noises that come from well inside her. You wonder how such a petite girl could make such a deep sound. Soon the waves of easy flowing vomit turn into empty retches as now just a long string of drool hangs from her mouth. Before you knew it even started, she is finished and collapses on the floor, exhausted and relieved for the time being…

Part of it is probably how this is a pretty embarrassing event for people, and it’s not too often we can’t control our bodies. Something also about the fact that the vomit is from deep inside her, that this is deeper and more intimate even than having sex. The vomit was once food but has now been changed by her body to kind of become “part of her.”

Another emetophile describes it as his way of “consuming” her, and I agree with that too.

Note: I have no cannibalistic urges and have no desire to actually eat any part of her body.

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In Which I Try Emetophilia

By Kendra Holliday | October 28, 2016

I told this story last night at Dirty Birdie story hour at The Monocle in the Grove…

Oh, the shame! :)

Oh, the shame! 🙂

Have you ever wanted to wake up, chug a bottle of red wine and devour a bunch of French pastries, and then throw up all over some guy?

OK, I admit I haven’t ever thought of that before, but when the opportunity presented itself, I decided to go for it.

I’ve never been The Bulimic Kind, but I’ve always wondered what it’s like to puke on purpose. I feel like I’ve been needing to binge n’ purge lately – a ritualistic, symbolic gesture.

My partner Matthew was very much opposed to the idea – he was concerned for my safety.

But I really wanted to take on the challenge, so he respected my decision. He’s an extraordinary man to put up with all my crazy antics, let me tell you! After all – he’s not my father, but he is my Daddy! 😉

The Roman Shower scene took a lot of planning. Puke Boy (read my interview with him here) stopped by the day before, bearing gifts from Whole Foods and the local donut shop.

My hurl was going to be classy, people! He was going to taste all of this secondhand, right from the whore’s mouth.

I started preparing for the elaborate, gut wrenching ritual right at 9am. I was nervous – would I be able to pull it off? I made up my mind that I HAD to – I was going to MAKE myself puke, and that was all there was to it.

A Fear Factor Challenge.

I had fun playing ULTIMATE HEDONIST – I put on some music and danced around with the donuts and wine (the ice cream – ironically, vanilla flavored – was a suggestion from sorrybeautiful). I felt like a naughty girl playing hooky from school.

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Whiskey Balls

By Kendra Holliday | October 23, 2016

TIME TO BE A BITCH

TIME TO BE A BITCH

You’ve heard of Whiskey Dick – have you heard of Whiskey Balls? Have you SEEN Whiskey Balls?

Remember this guy? David R.

He has a really interesting hardcore hobby, very sexually creative and fun to fuck with.

I had another Skype fantasy session with him the other day. I had to get into character: I was a sadistic FemDomme doctor who tortured him sexually and threatened him with prison if he didn’t comply with my harsh demands.

I prepped him for our session by taunting and tasking him all week over email and text.

He had to comply with a strict supplement and milking regiment, and if he screwed up, he was put on orgasm restriction and made to punish himself.

WARNING: Awesome pics of penis and testicle torture ahead…

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My Solo Tantra Awakening Ritual

By Kendra Holliday | October 16, 2016

Sacred stones and yoni eggs

Sacred stones and yoni eggs

Since I’ve been back from Tantra Training, I’ve practiced the Tantra Awakening Ritual with several of my friends and clients.

But get this – you can also perform the ritual solo!

To learn how, you can read Barbara Carrellas’s book Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-first Century.

It’s actually super easy to do, but it helps to be coached through it your first time. I read Barbara’s book thrice before I went to her workshop, and it was only there that I was able to “get it,” with her walking me through it.

Tantra is like the City Museum in St Louis or House on the Rock in Wisconsin, or many other exotic and unique places in the world – it’s hard to explain it, you just have to experience it for yourself. And you can experience it WHENEVER YOU WANT, FOR FREE.

Tantra is about energy, being present, and opening yourself up to a deeper level of consciousness.

Awakening is rousing, getting in touch with parts of yourself you have buried or ignored. This can be spiritual, mental, or physical. So often we feel disconnected from our bodies, we’re so in our head thinking and worrying so much. REPLACE THE FEAR WITH LOVE.

Rituals are tools that help us focus our attention.

The first time I did the solo ritual, I was in a roomful of people, which might sound like an oxymoron, but we weren’t interacting physically with each other. We all lay supine on the floor separately, and Barbara encouraged us to breathe deeply, go with the flow, and make noise if we wanted to. Having other people’s energy present made it more intense – I heard heavy breathing, crying out, moaning, sobbing… I myself felt great tingling and waves of emotions, and then cried cathartic tears afterward.

Naturally, I wanted to try it at home by myself. Ideally, I’d like to schedule this self-care weekly. You can knock it out in 30 minutes, or you can turn it into a more elaborate ritual.

For my first solo ritual at home, I chose a planets and elements theme.

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b-Vibe trio Remote Control Vibrating Plug

By Kendra Holliday | October 11, 2016

b-Vibe with remote

b-Vibe with remote

One of the things I LOOOOOOVE about my “job” is that I get to explore roleplay and role reversal.

This is super therapeutic for both me and my clients, because we are dealing with a patriarchal cesspool and it is EXHAUSTING us.

So, it’s nice for me to take control and power, and for the man to surrender and get in touch with his submissive side – all consensually, of course.

I take great pride in being a fantasy facilitator, a safe haven for perverts. We like to work the kinks OUT.

I’ve played with plenty of remote control vibrators meant for a woman to wear tucked in her panties at a party or bar and for her partner to control, but I haven’t been able to reverse the role – until now.

Of course butt plugs can be worn by any gender, because we ALL have assholes, but for the purpose of this review, I will focus on the man butt in the receptive role.

I had a session scheduled with a darling male client the other day, and he is joyfully creative. He has allowed me to explore things new to me – to ME! – such as the NutBuster and the Humbler (if you don’t know what those are, google them, or beg me for further explanation).

So it was with great delight I was able to surprise him with a test drive of the new b-Vibe trio remote control vibrating butt plug.

This thing is fucking awesome!!! Very deluxe and powerful.

Here it is, next to the Magic Wand for size comparison:

Compare size to Magic Wand

Compare size to Magic Wand

Might be intimidating to a beginner, but a good size for optimum placement and FEELS.

I love that the charger cord is labeled “b-Vibe“, so I can easily find it among my box of sex toy charger cords. Believe me, it can get confusing.

You can plug it right into any USB port to charge it. Two hours of charge = one hour of play.

The remote has a big watch battery:

Plug cord and remote battery

Plug cord and remote battery

The plug is very well designed, made with body safe silicone, a flared base, and lights up all fancy when it’s turned on (it flashes when it needs to be charged):

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Decoding Your Kink

By Kendra Holliday | October 3, 2016

Decoding Your Kink, by Galen Fous MTP

Decoding Your Kink, by Galen Fous MTP

My friend Joan Price introduced me to Galen Fous MTP, the author of this book, and right away I could see why – he’s a Dominant father in his 60’s living on the west coast, and I am a submissive mother in my 40’s living in the Midwest, but we have SO much in common!

We’re both completely out and open about our kinky and creative sexualities. We both went through hell and almost lost everything when we came out with our stories (his outing was forced by his ex; mine was more my choice). We both persevered and are now fully integrated and have a career in the field of sexuality.

Galen’s book is called Decoding Your Kink: Guide to Explore Share and Enjoy Your Wildest Sexual Desires.

As I read his book, I was amazed at how much it mirrored my thoughts on sex and our unhealthy society.

We both subscribe to the King and Queen archetype, and to the beauty of rituals. Galen points out that rituals are tools that help us focus our attention. Natural and innate, rituals are all around us – seasons, rhythms, holidays…

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My Life Milestones

By Kendra Holliday | September 23, 2016

I’m 43 years old. Here is my life trajectory so far:

1973: I’m born in North Dakota. Brrrr!

My birthday suit, aka my first nude photoshoot

My birthday suit, aka my first nude photoshoot

1974: My family moves to Dallas, Texas.

1975: Who the hell knows.

1976: My brother is born.

1977: Um, Elvis dies?

Drinking the blood of Elvis

Drinking the blood of Elvis

1978: My sister is born. My brother throws up. I remember my first dream; I’m kidnapped by Captain Hook and held hostage with Raggedy Ann and Andy. He cuts off my foot and it looks like SpaghettiOs.

1979: My family moves to St. Louis.

1980: My baby brother is born, and dies two days later. My mom tries to kill herself several times, and when that fails, she burns his name into the back of her hand with a soldering iron. She is never the same again. A very dark time.

1981: Life still sucks. My mom is a complete wreck.

1982: My brother is born. My grandmother dies.

1983: I get molested by an older, adopted brother. It SUCKS. I get sent to therapy, and I don’t know why. I think I’m being punished. I am a victim.

1984: I have my first lesbian encounter. It’s hot and naughty. I’m 11.

1985: My baby sister is born. I drop her on her head, but don’t kill her. Skeptical about god’s involvement, I become an atheist.

1986: I hit puberty and middle school, and lose all my artistic talent and confidence. My family is poor white trash, and I am branded a zitty nerd. It sucks.

1987: My mom keeps getting crazier and crazier. It makes me crazy, and I attempt suicide. I spend time in three different mental hospitals. I lose my virginity to a 24 year old creep with a mustache because he keeps badgering me and I finally give in. It sucks.

1988: My moms tries to kill herself again. I put pressure on her slashed, gaping arms as my dad calls the ambulance. She gets hospitalized a lot, and OD’s, and gets shock treatment. I fuck around and feel very confused. It sucks.

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Black Lives Matter

By Kendra Holliday | September 21, 2016

David Wraith and me

David Wraith and me

BLACK LIVES MATTER.

#BlackLivesMatter

I am serious.

We love to fetishize and FEAR black men, women, and transgender people.

Escorts, bulls, trannys, hookers, hos, bitches, pimps, thugs, drug dealers, robbers, rapists… we subconsciously and consciously wallow in projection…. painting our dark dreams… casting shadows. So much guilt and shame surrounding racism.

And often guilt and shame and forbidden thoughts give us that taboo thrill we need to get off.

We need to channel that powerful energy to something positive.

SEX not DEATH.

PLEASURE not PAIN.

Our country is deep in the throes of non-consensual power exchange. Consensual power exchange is the core of BDSM, which can be a healthy outlet for acting out fears and healing. Non-consensual power exchange is ASSAULT and ABUSE, which can be deadly.

Please do your part to end needless suffering.

I really don’t know how to reconcile all this grief and death and turmoil.

2016 has been a real test of strength.

I know I’m accomplishing great things with my work, passion and Sex Positive St Louis. I know I am a great parent teaching my daughter to be compassionate; she is an empath by nature.

I know this in my heart.

But it’s still hard.

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How to Activate a Woman

By Kendra Holliday | September 13, 2016

Getting there...

Getting there…

As a follow up to my post Can Creepy Men Be Cured?, I offer these quick thoughts on how to activate a woman, as opposed to repelling her.

Offer good male energy. Stand out among all the men who fall short.

Be a giver, not a taker.

Exude sexy confidence.

Be mature. Don’t be eager. RELAX. Keep your pants on for longer than she’s expecting.

Be grateful, but not groveling.

Show appreciation and respect. Cowboy Ethics.

Know how to be a gentleman. Know how to be a rogue. More importantly, know WHEN to be a gentleman, and WHEN to be a rogue.

Learn how to worship, as well as ravish.

If you watch Game of Thrones, you’ll get this joke I’ve seen online: “Ned Stark in the streets, Oberyn Martell in the sheets.”

Or, even better: “Podrick Payne in the streets, Podrick Payne in the sheets.” 😉

Strive to be a King, a Warrior, a Magician, and Lover, as opposed to a Tyrant, a Bully, a Fool, and a Loser. (A loser is someone who has lost something, such as their mojo.)

Don’t be entitled. Be genuine.

EXAMPLE:

The other day, when I wrote someone to confirm our session, instead of responding with the usual grunt, “yeah I’ll be there”, he replied, “I cannot wait to see you today! Your beautiful mind, body, and energy will be on my mind until I get to see you!”

Upon reading that, I was immediately activated and turned on for our session.

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Can Creepy Men Be Cured?

By Kendra Holliday | September 13, 2016

Dear Kendra, I don’t know about you, but I know a lot of creepy men. What makes a man creepy? Can creepy men be cured? Or, once a creep, always a creep? Have you ever met a creepy woman?

Kendra replies:

All right, readers, I want feedback from YOU – tell me about an encounter you had with a creepy guy. What made it creepy? What are the qualities of a creep? Can creeps be cured?

Photo by Tim Rulo

Photo by Tim Rulo

Here is what I have to say on the subject – I hope reader input will help shape my understanding of this unfortunate issue.

Being in the sex industry, I’ve met A LOT of creeps. Here is an example:

A few years ago, a man contacted me through this website. He wrote me a couple emails, then met me at an event I advertised – I was part of a sex fair that was open to the public. He seemed nice enough, and asked to meet me for coffee.

I said sure, so we met for coffee. At coffee, he asked me tons of questions and got this weird look in his eyes. He got excited from all the things I was sharing with him. He walked me to my car and asked if he could get in with me so he could ask me a question.

A huge red flag went up, but I said sure, BECAUSE I’M AN IDIOT. (Since then, I have tightened my security and have read The Gift of Fear, and consider it required reading for every woman.)

We sat in the car and he turned to me. “Can I kiss you?”

Disgusted and horrified, I sputtered no. I had NO interest in this guy. He was creepy. What made him think I wanted to make out with him? (Answer: I gave him the time of day. Other things that lead men to think you are interested in them: Eye contact. Smiling. Laughing at their jokes. Being polite. Being female.) At least he didn’t lunge at me.

He whined a bit, then took his leave. I’m very lucky nothing bad happened. I appreciate that he asked and respected my reaction. NEVER put yourself in a closed space with someone you’re unsure of.

Later, he showed up for one of my TBK get togethers. He circled the party, stared, and kept to himself. His behavior made me uncomfortable.

After that, he emailed me two or three times asking when I was going to have another get together.

I’ll tell you when: NEVER. Or if I do, it will be invite only.

It wasn’t just him that put a damper on the party for me – there were two other creepy guys there who drank too much and crossed some lines.

OK, so what made this particular guy creepy?

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Yes…I Am.

By Kendra Holliday | September 5, 2016

It was a sunny afternoon, and golden light was streaming through the window.

Matthew had me up on the table in the middle of my dining room. When I bought it, I made sure it was sturdy enough for fucking around on.

The Fucking Room Table

The Fucking Room Table

I was nude, lying on my back, legs spread. He sat in a chair at the head of the table, with a bottle of lube as a condiment.

He was in one of those supremely confident moods. (what else is new?) – always a good skill to have when doing a scene like this.

Looking down at him sitting up straight and proud with his fists planted on either side of me, he completely reminded me of an arrogant King about to tuck into a celebratory feast.

I felt like one of those Turduckens – you know, a chicken stuffed inside a duck stuffed inside a turkey.

Except I was more like a bitch stuffed inside a whore stuffed inside a slut.

Which I guess makes me a… slortch?

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