By Kendra Holliday | February 10, 2017
When my daughter was 7 years old, a boy kissed her hand on a dare. She confided to me, “It was the most enjoyable moment of my life.”
Now she is 16, and identifies as asexual. She doesn’t feel sexually attracted to other people, but she yearns for romance. She wants to hold hands, cuddle, and be intimate with someone special.
I’m thrilled to tell you she went on her first date the other night! They held hands!
I asked how their date went, and she gushed to me, “It was AMAZING. Not only were the events we attended awesome, but he was super sweet. He put his arm around me during the movie, and we held hands twice and he is so very kind all the time. God, I adore him, he made it so amazing.”
He’s like a young George RR Martin, they’re so cute and nerdy together.
I’m SO happy with this new development. She tends to brim over with teenage angst and melancholy, so it’s wonderful picking her up from school and she’s smiling so hard, her face hurts. The rush of happy hormones and feeling connected to someone special to her is better than any pill she could take!
I asked if he is her boyfriend, and she said she didn’t know, but she would ask him. She has ups and downs, and frets over being too direct with him.
I reminded her that she is probably advanced in the realm of communication, and needs to be patient with others and teach them how to be open and honest. I also let her know that the wonder is part of the fun of the early stages of a relationship – infatuation is a trip, and you should let it last as long as you can! After that, you get into attachment, feeling the person is a safe haven, then anxious when they are not around, then finally, secure (if the relationship is healthy.)
That’s where I’ve been with my partner Matthew for the past four years or so. We can’t ever go back to the infatuated stage with each other, but since we are polyamorous, we can feel secure while flirting with other people and enjoying novel experiences.
Anyway, my daughter shared her list of curated date ideas with me and gave me permission to share them with you. I think they’re so cute! She made most of them up, and collected some from the internet. I want to do a lot of them, how about you?
By Kendra Holliday | February 6, 2017
You guys! Guess what I’m giving myself for my 44th birthday?
My FIRST MAMMOGRAM! Thank goodness my health insurance will cover it under preventive care. They have no idea how amazing they are! 🙂
In celebration, I’m reposting this ode to breasts. ENJOY! …………..
I’ve FINALLY figured out what makes female breasts/nipples so awed and feared!
You know I’ve been struggling with this Topless Inequality quandary for years – remember the Obscene Nipple Game?
A married man told me that seeing his wife’s breasts is always exciting – it never gets old. “Every time I see them, it’s like it’s the first time. It’s refreshing and invigorating.”
I notice with amusement how predictable my clients are – as soon as my bra comes off, they lean down and suck on each nipple, like an automatic, erotic handshake. They simply HAVE to touch and fondle them.
But then get this – the other day I had a date with my girlfriend, and when she took off her shirt, I was compelled to do the exact same thing! I just wanted to grab them! But I didn’t – I was a respectful lady. And that reaction is even with me having breasts myself!
Breasts are like warm, glowing light bulbs, and we are mere moths. Supposedly, moths are drawn to light because of some ancient connection to the moon, which is a feminine symbol.
Sooo here’s the deal – the reason female breasts and nipples are so awed and feared is because
THEY ARE MAGIC.
That’s it. They are a source of creation and life-giving. They symbolize Mother Earth – they are the opposite of destruction. And while most people revere and respect life force and see it as a positive thing, some people find it overwhelming and confusing, which can be scary. The more we can be in touch with our feelings, the healthier we can process the mysterious world around us.
I breastfed my daughter for a year, and am so proud how I provided her only food source for months, and how she thrived and grew – it’s so magical and empowering!
In honor of this realization, I’m hosting a Topless Tarot event later this week, for women only. We’ll sit around in my warm and cozy fairy cottage and connect and bond over candlelight, cards, gems, and runes. We’ll be surrounded by breasts and loving female energy! Our cups runneth over!
I went back into my blog archives and pulled random breast photos – I just love them so much, and am happy to have them. I’m glad to share them with you, on my own terms. Thank you for your respectful worship and appreciation!
By Kendra Holliday | February 1, 2017
You know how they talk about baggage, being in the closet, etc.?
Everyone has baggage – daddy issues, mommy issues, family pain, abandonment issues, trust issues, inexperienced issues, break up trauma, secrets, shame, guilt, neglect, abuse, loss, betrayal, injury, fear, rejection…
I like to pretend our head is an attic, and our brain is an old fashioned trunk, crammed full of stuff we’ve collected from our travels.
Space is really tight, and the stuff is jammed in there.
So, I propose this exercise to my clients.
Find the key that opens the trunk.
Open that trunk up.
Now, take ALL the stuff out of it – toss it around the room.
Examine each article – is it a piece of clothing? Is it a toy? Is it wrinkled? Is it moldy? Does it still fit? Do you want to keep it?
Address and assess each item. Acknowledge why it’s in your trunk, and decide if it’s something you want to hang on to.
By Kendra Holliday | January 30, 2017
A couple weeks ago, I went to my first therapy appointment wearing a long amethyst gown, pearl crown, white opera length gloves – regal and ridiculous as fuck. My new therapist was chic in all black. She pointed out that all the other therapists in the office were wearing black – mourning attire, in protest to the hostile political climate.
As a peace loving bonobo, I can’t stand having a violent chimpanzee in a position of world power representing my interests.
I’m going to therapy to deal with my menopausal mourning – this nation, my aging parents, dear friends dying.
A combination of the nation’s turmoil and divisiveness, along with listening to this podcast (at the 17:40 mark – btw the rest of the podcast is an excellent interview with actor and comedian Romany Malco) triggered a traumatic memory for me.
The part in the podcast that triggered me was a letter submitted from a listener who was sexually assaulted by a man. He abused his position of power and coerced her, cut her clothes off and sexually assaulted her.
I don’t know if any of you have experienced something like I have – being in your own home, inviting someone in you consider to be a friend, and then he pins you down on your bed, cuts off your pretty bright pink bra with a knife, and then flips you over and carves his initials into your back. You’re helpless, and he’s much stronger. This new government administration feels like that.
His initials, by the way, were his nickname:
He’s an active member of the local BDSM scene. He’ll probably be at Naughti Gras this year.
The assault happened years ago. I remember crying with anger as I defiantly sewed my bra back together – I liked it and wanted to salvage it. I still have it.
By Kendra Holliday | January 25, 2017
This is a picture of me from the 3rd grade. Looking at it, it’s hard to believe I was molested – I mean, wouldn’t those ginormous nerd goggles be repellent enough, not to mention the shitty haircut and goofy fashion?
Then again, my opportunistic molester was pretty homely too, and wasn’t very picky. I daresay he had bad taste in children.
But this ugly child grew up to be a gorgeous goddess. Here are some steps I took in my maturity makeover:
Braces – My parents could only afford braces for one of their five kids, so they chose my sister. That means I made it to adulthood with one of my front teeth jutting out. In grade school, kids would come up to me all the time and inform me, “You have a crooked tooth.” LIKE I DIDN’T KNOW. I was self-conscious about smiling, so I scowled a lot.
Finally, when I was married and DINK (double income, no kids), I took the plunge and got Invisalign braces. I’M SO GLAD I DID IT. It was worth every penny (how many pennies are in $4000? oh never mind). Now I wear a retainer at night whenever I feel like it, which is about half the time. I’ve only broken it once. Flossing is so much easier.
Heart zapped – In 2000 I birthed my daughter vaginally – hooray! I didn’t want an epidural or a c-section, but I sure did freak out and request the epidural as soon as my labor pains kicked in for real.
My doctor took it upon herself to give me an episiotomy (a surgical cut in the muscular area between the vagina and the anus), which took a long time to heal. But further north, the pregnancy took other tolls on my body – my heart.
It had trouble keeping up with the extra blood flow and work involved with carrying another person around inside me for months, so it started to misfire. I developed SVT – Supraventricular tachycardia. My heart would sometimes race 300 beats a minute, which was inconvenient and scary. The solution was a procedure where they snake a laser up through your groin to your heart and zap the naughty part and kill it. So my heart has a scar.
The procedure cured my condition, but that zap also signaled the end of my marriage. I woke up from the procedure and everything changed in my life. My heart was fixed and broken, all at once.
By Kendra Holliday | January 16, 2017
I’m a proud pervert!
Or, just look at this pic 🙂
Here’s one of my favorite perverts:
So what is a pervert, anyway? Centuries ago, the word meant “atheist”, or “turning away from what is right.”
I’m an atheist, so that still fits. And I don’t see why sexual creativity and expression is wrong, so I’m glad to reclaim the word as being twisted or kinky.
There’s a great book out that covers a wide range of perversions. It’s called PERV: The Sexual Deviant in All of Us, by Jesse Bering. (Fun fact: Jesse Bering used to teach at a university in Arkansas. My ex took his position when he moved on to greener pastures.)
I’m used to academics writing about sex in theory, and removing themselves from the messy details. So I was really impressed with Jesse’s approach – he fesses up to some of his own embarrassing sexual history! Very raw and honest.
For instance, one time he masturbated to an empty Diet Coke can a guy he had a crush on drank from. He also masturbated to a picture of a naked caveman in a science book. His confessions reminded me of some of my embarrassing details – I used to have a crush on Darth Vader, and when I was a kid, I practiced making out with a Spiderman doll.
By Kendra Holliday | January 9, 2017
In my experience, sex partners are few and far between. When I do find a partner, relationship drama soon kicks in, and that tarnishes the fun in having sex. I’ve always wanted more sex with more women without all the hassle – a life of sexual freedom and openness, and the joy that comes with it. But alas, it always eludes me.
I appreciate your blog and lifestyle, and I’d like to live a sex life similar to yours. I want to enjoy a sex life with an abundance of attractive women, with a consenting partner, in a way that good partners come towards me without all the games.
I’ve always felt that the key to living the life you want is your mentality or perspective about it. And so my question to you is, what is the mindset of one who lives this sort of life, or the spiritual perspective? What kinds of thoughts prohibit one from living the life? What is the secret to living an abundant sex life?
There is one main thing keeping people from celebrating their sexuality in a free and fun manner – FEAR.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from traveling to other countries, it’s that USA is a very fearful country. We are rife with anxiety and depression, due to all the limitations we impose upon ourselves. And yet, we tout ourselves as a free country.
HA. Very funny. Nice try.
I highly recommend you read The Bonobo Way by Dr Susan Block.
And Decoding Your Kink by Galen Fous MTP.
And, it looks like some of my other book recommendations have helped people! See this heartening note from a reader:
“You and I could probably agree on very little…I’m a Conservative Christian male, in a monogamous relationship with my wife, and I was a virgin until I was married.
And yet, my wife and I have had intimacy issues for many many years. I stumbled onto your site and, at after seeing your Top Sex-Positive Recommendations post, started reading Robert Glover’s book ‘No More Mr. Nice Guy!’. I thought I was going to see my picture in the pages of that book. Almost everything in that book described me perfectly.
Then, also at your suggestion, I started reading ‘Open Her’ by Karen Brody. Not finished with this yet, but again I’m seeing eye-opening revelations.
My relationship with my wife is improving, but I have miles to go before I truly overcome my ‘Nice Guy Syndrome’. I just wanted to thank you for listing these reading materials on your site. You don’t make $ from this, but I can tell that you are truly interested in helping people resolve whatever sexual-relational problems they may have.”
By Kendra Holliday | December 31, 2016
What makes a person sexy?
Before you read on, take a moment to really think about it. What thoughts immediately come to mind?
WHO comes to mind – you? your partner? someone you know in real life? celebrities?
What do they look like? How do they behave?
Most people will reply automatically with:
But of course!
However, it’s more than that. I know a gorgeous stripper who suffers from low self-esteem, and she is sexy.
You can be insecure and sexy.
You can be stupid and sexy.
You can be fat and sexy.
You can be old and sexy.
You can be poor and sexy.
You can be immature and sexy.
When we are attracted to someone else, it’s either because they remind us of ourselves, or they are a contrast to ourselves.
Either way, it is a reflection.
Deep, huh? Let’s unpack that.
Do you possess more male energy, or female energy?
Are you in touch with your sexuality? Is your libido in check?
Female energy is yin, the moon, water, cool.
Male energy is yang, the sun, fire, hot.
I’ve found that what makes a man sexy is confidence and maturity.
For women, it’s confidence and playfulness.
And for everyone, the secret ingredient to sexiness is…………
By Kendra Holliday | December 25, 2016
End of the year recap!
Who here is glad to be done with 2016?
And I didn’t even have that bad of a year – I mainly watched other people’s loved one’s die and shitty world news and election travesty…
I can easily recall bad things, but if I think a little harder, I can conjure some really amazing memories this year –
Going to the cabin
Spending time with people who are no longer alive
Hosting fun events – Shameless Grounds, clothing optional pool party, sex worker workshops, sissy tea party, Fleshtivus!
Road trip with Sex Positive St Louis crew to Chicago CatalystCon
Tantra training in NYC!
A quick jaunt to Texas…
Fun with family – my daughter, partner, siblings and partners are still alive and well
New dishwasher, washing machine, and dryer – so many gifts and blessings thanks to my clients and loved ones
Another trip to NYC and the Poconos!
Lots and LOTS and LOTS of sexy time! Tantra, long distance clients visiting, devirginizing, fetish facilitation and roleplay realized….
And another year of good health – no serious illnesses or STIs, hooray!
And so many loved ones, a roof over my head, food in my belly.
Want to hear something funny?
By Kendra Holliday | December 24, 2016
One of the funniest things that happened this year was the Whisper Orgy at CatalystCon last April in Chicago.
CatalystCon occurs once or twice a year, and provides a great platform for connecting and learning with other sex-positive people from around the country – and even the world.
I met Sigga Dogg, a delightful sex educator from Iceland!
One night, a play party was hosted in a large suite, and everyone was invited.
But first, I had to shower and get ready.
I LOOOVE showers like this! So fun for an exhibitionist. 🙂
There was a massage table set up, bondage, and a bedroom where a bisexual orgy was going down. I saw three men having sex and it looked like this:
Unfortunately, it got loud and there were some other hotel guests who caught wind of the party and tried crashing it. My partner Matthew stood in as doorman while our friends got frisky. Some guys tried pushing their way in, but Matthew barred the way.
Peeved, they reported our party to hotel management, which put a damper on things. In order not to interrupt the orgy taking place, they closed the bedroom door while they spoke to management, so that sex room ended up getting all stuffy and smelling like ass and lube.
Management warned us that if it got one more complaint, we would be kicked out of the hotel, so that freaked everyone out.
As we stood around trying to figure out what to do next, it was insisted that we be EXTREMELY quiet – nothing above a whisper.
So what did Matthew do? He put the Whisper Song on his phone very softly and walked around the suite playing it.
Keep in mind, this is a politically correct crowd and we had just spent a day discussing consent and gender roles, so it was especially funny this super sexist song was played.
Luckily, everyone was having too much fun to get upset about it.
I was amazed to see an entire room of people dancing and fucking enthusiastically and silently – it was like watching a YouTube video on mute!
Finally, the party got moved to a downstairs ballroom. Everyone dressed, gathered up their gear, and migrated. But by then, the spell was broken, and we headed to a tiki bar.
By Kendra Holliday | December 23, 2016
You know what gives a sex worker a serious case of frosty burnout? An onslaught of timewasters and disrespectful horny men.
It’s winter now, and I’ve been dealing with a bone chilling, relentless dick blizzard.
It’s enough to make my pussy FRIGID.
Baby, it’s cold outside. Don’t be all rapey, virtual, or otherwise.
I feel like I’m doing the heavy lifting. Other women are opting out – they’re had enough and are done with dick – which makes more men cluster up, desperate and eager, their testosterone levels sloshing out and flinging on anyone they can access.
If you want to warm a woman up, make her feel comfortable and respected.
If you want to wear a woman out, be pushy and insensitive.
Believe me, I LOVE sex and men and doing what I do, but when it comes to the creepers, it goes like this:
On the twelfth day of Christmas
my horny fans sent to me:
12 Dicks Drumming
Eleven Pricks Piping
Ten Dicks a Leaping
Nine Dongs Dancing
Eight Dicks a Milking
Seven Dicks a Swimming
Six Cocks a Laying
Five Golden DIIIIIIICKS
Four Calling Dicks
Three French Dicks
Two Turtle Dicks
and a Penis in a Pear Tree.
Now repeat twelve times.
Merry Dickmas, Everyone!
Luckily, I get a boner break – I’ll be on vacation Dec 26-Jan 10. First Hogwarts in Orlando with my daughter, and then Iceland with my partner! I’m excited to see magical landscapes and the Northern Lights!
And then I will return, refreshed and ready to rendezvous again! See you next year!
By Kendra Holliday | December 21, 2016
So this frisky encounter happened when I wasn’t around…. and that is totally okay! Hooray for open and honest relationships!
My partner Matthew wrote this account of a hot, hardbody blond who craved an alpha male threesome – and WENT FOR IT! (The picture posted here accurately captures her look/energy.)
I was out of town on business eating lunch with colleagues when my phone vibrated with a text. I let the conversation change subjects before I checked it.
I opened my phone to find a picture of a woman with her hand on her pussy.
No message, just the image.
I didn’t recognize the pussy and the number didn’t register from my address book.
Manicured fingernails….beautiful, big clit….no pubic hair…..I started to weed out the possibilities.
I came to the conclusion that this is a pussy I had yet to meet face to face. After a brief bout of texting back and forth, I discovered it was our friend Sunshine.
Sidenote: Kendra and I had been to dinner with Sunshine and her husband Beowulf a couple of weeks prior and had a great time. We all agreed that we should get together in private soon….
I texted her back thanking her for the picture.
She responded with: “Glad you liked it. Please feel free to reciprocate so I can fantasize about what it will be like when I finally get to suck you off.”
I sent back a message with a pic of my chest, explaining that I don’t send cock shots and she would have to wait to see it in person.
Now….I hadn’t fucked or gotten head in three days, so my tank was full and ready to explode. I had already been thinking about who I was going to call to help alleviate this pressure in my balls when I got back in town.
There were four possibilities…Sunshine’s persistence sealed the deal. The next day I was driving back and the texting commenced again. We exchanged a few provocative notes and my dick was heavy the entire ride back. I could tell she wasn’t talking shit and I knew Beowulf wasn’t a bullshitter either. This woman was hot and ready to roll. She is a real “pleaser”.
By Kendra Holliday | December 15, 2016
The other day, I had a session with a 30 yr old man who has never been intimate with another person. He was a blank slate – didn’t even have kissing experience.
A few hours before we met, I posed a question to my network:
What would you teach a sexually inexperienced person?
The responses were so excellent, I had to share!
Self-pleasure – knowing what feels good to you is helpful before engaging others.
Sex can be sacred or profane. Sex can be spiritual or playful.
Sex is adult playtime. If something embarrassing happens, laugh it off.
The best sex is messy. That’s why we have showers!
Practice good hygiene and health. Learn how to use condoms. Pee and wash up after sex.
COMMUNICATION. Communication with your partner is critical. Always check in with your partner, ask for feedback. LISTEN to your partner.
The importance of CONSENT.
By Kendra Holliday | December 7, 2016
I offer sex and relationship consulting, and I’m happy to say that I’ve been getting more women, LGBT folks, and couples these days. Historically, most of the people who have sought me out for my unique services have been men who crave female energy.
The Top 5 reasons why people contact me are, in this order:
1. He’s a married man in his 50’s or 60’s whose wife is not interested in sex (mismatched libido)
2. He/she/they have some sort of sexual issue they want to work through, such as inexperience, anxiety, or orgasm/penis problems (Erectile Dysfunction is a common complaint – it can get complex when you heap social conditioning and anxiety on top of the natural aging process.)
3. He/she/they are interested in branching out sexually, either because they are in transition, not getting laid, or curious about alternative lifestyle options (non-monogamy, BDSM, sex work, etc.)
4. He has a fetish and is ashamed/seeking an outlet
5. They want to meet me, and possibly rub me for good luck
My goal is to offer tools, connections, and non-traditional options so that the people seeking me out can reach their goal of becoming happier and healthier. My approach is unconventional, and I get referrals from licensed sex therapists. I’m pretty well connected and have a strong network. Sex is my specialty, which ties into work, family, personal – everything!
Here is a list of resources I most often recommend to my clients:
By Kendra Holliday | December 2, 2016
Kyle took the train from Chicago.
All day he traveled, portable oxygen tank in tow.
He didn’t listen to podcasts or music. His mind was too occupied with thoughts of what was to come –
You see, Kyle was overcoming great obstacles in order to find answers and rediscover intimacy with another person through surrogate sessions with me. It had been seven years since he was last with a partner, and he was missing human touch terribly.
Why? Life took an unexpected turn from him.
I’m always fascinated by my client’s life stories, and his was especially interesting.
As a forensic anthropologist, Kyle traveled the world working on ancient civilizations and gravesites. He was fit, had a passport, and worked outdoors a lot, in all kinds of conditions. Destinations included South America, Australia. He was next scheduled for a project in Europe, and had his sights set on Asia.
Then one day, at a church in Mexico, disaster struck – literally. The team was digging in trenches, excavating an old sacred graveyard for relocation. Despite wearing a Hazmat suit and respirator, something went wrong when a 400 yr-old-bone was hit with a pickax. Bacteria exploded in the air, and invaded his lungs. He suffered serious pulmonary damage, and has been on oxygen 24/7 ever since.
A couple years after that, he was hit in the ass with colon cancer, and had to undergo risky surgery to remove 1/3 of his colon. The doctors warned him he might not survive the operation, due to his lung condition. They had to give him an epidural and twilight meds instead of general anesthesia!
Incredibly, he survived this double whammy.
Nowadays, Kyle is the same age as me (43) and lives with his parents on disability. He can no longer drive. He’s overweight and in poor health. His lifestyle went from adventurous globetrotting to being tethered to a tank in his bedroom, more or less homebound, living vicariously through the internet. He is an odd combination of extremely worldly and intelligent, and emotionally stunted and childlike.
We had our initial consult over Skype. I found out he’s quite kinky like me – into stockings, men and women, incest and rape fantasies, pegging… all that fun stuff! His sensitivity and shyness put me at ease, and we clicked.