Penis Party

By Kendra Holliday | May 11, 2015

Most of the events hosted by my not-for-profit group, Sex Positive St. Louis, are open to all genders.

Occasionally, we’ll offer an event for women only. They are ALWAYS wonderful, a great opportunity for women to explore their sexuality safely, in a setting that is comfortable for them.

In the spirit of equality, some of our male members requested an event for men only, so we gave it a try. We called it “Dicktacular! Dicktacular!” It was a chance for men to get together and discuss their penises.

The event was a FLOP.

The energy was not good, the conversation didn’t flow, the guys had trouble opening up, and I doubt anyone left feeling empowered.

So, David Wraith suggested we try a different approach. He had a weird, experimental idea – a CFNM theme. What is that, you may ask? Read on!

He sent this invitation out to a select group of men and women:

You are invited to a very special SEX+STL event. We are beta testing a new discussion group, The Penis Party.

This event will differ from past events like The Pussy Party, Dictacular! Dictacular!, and our normal Clothing Optional Meetups in a variety of ways.

Unlike The Pussy Party and Dictacular! Dictacular!, this event is open to any gender.

Unlike our Clothing Optional Meetups, this event will NOT be clothing optional, but a Clothed Female Naked Male theme (CFNM). Men attending will have to be completely naked; women attending will have to remain clothed.

Like The Pussy Party and Dictacular! Dictacular!, this will be a discussion of genitalia – the penis, specifically. However, this will be a Fish Bowl styled discussion, divided by gender. Meaning, for the first half of the discussion, the men will speak among themselves about their penises and the women will listen. For the second half, the women will speak among themselves about their relationship to penises and the men will listen.

This is an experiment. It’s co-ed because my experience with men-only events is that they tend to be dour affairs that lack the energy of co-ed and women-only events.

It’s CFNM because this event is about the penis, just as The Pussy Party is about the vulva, and my fear is that naked women would be a distraction. It’s also an interesting way to shift the power dynamic and the traditional (male) gaze.

It’s Fish Bowl style because my experience with co-ed discussion groups is that the men tend to dominate, even talking over and interrupting women. Allowing women to speak without male interruption is another way of playing with traditional power dynamics.

Do we know how potentially disastrous this could be? As a matter of fact, we do. That’s why we’re beta testing it with a select group of people (you guys) to gauge whether we want to make it a regular event open to all our members.

So, how did it go?

It went GREAT!!!

We ended up with eight men and twelve women. A few of the men had never been to an event like this – very brave of them! The women were loving and supportive.

We set the stage – we all submitted written questions about penises for David to moderate.

Then, the men undressed completely and sat on their towels, in a circle on the floor. They represented black and white men, from ages 25-65. Only one of them was uncircumcised.

The women sat in chairs around them, fully clothed and ready to listen.

It was SUCH a nice change in dynamic! I had to resist taking my clothes off – as an exhibitionist, I’m always one of the first to disrobe at our clothing optional parties. It was fun having the tables turned! I kindof wished we had the men parade around naked to show us their penises before we got started.

It was interesting to learn that two of the men in their 60’s masturbate at least once a day. You really do need to use it or lose it. I’ve worked with a couple men whose penises completely atrophied after years of neglect.

All of the men spoke frankly about Erectile Dysfunction and other insecurities. Women often think men have it so easy – they can get turned on and go at it anytime – but that is NOT the case! There’s SO much going on with a man when it comes to his dick. It isn’t just a fuck tool.

Someone referred to oral and touching and stuff not involving intercourse as “not sex,” but I suggest trying thinking of it like “coreplay” and the intercourse as dessert, a concept from the book She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman.

A woman mentioned how the velvety penis skin feels like an eyelid, and immediately everyone reached up and started stroking their eyelid. 😉

We talked condoms. Word has it that the trouble with condoms is not the sensation of fucking, but how putting one on can mess with the moment. On top of that, the sensation of first entering your partner is harshly blunted. It’s numb. But once you get going, it’s fine for most men.

Vaginas do feel different for men. One even said that fucking the same woman on the first of the month, and then the 12th of the month can feel like two different women!

Breathing is an important tool when it comes to controlling orgasm and being in the moment.

I asked about cockshots, and most women don’t like them. A couple women said they didn’t mind them, but it wasn’t like it turned them on and they had to drop what they were doing and go FUCK THAT THING.

The uncircumcised man from Europe shared: “It’s always amusing to me to hear women say they prefer circumcised. I don’t have a problem with their preference because I understand where it comes from — it’s what they’re used to. But it does sound odd to me because it’s a preference for something that seemed shocking and arbitrary when I first learned of it in the 8th grade. How would women feel if they moved to a strange new country and found that virtually all women there had their nipples amputated and then heard men there say they preferred women that way?!”

(You can read more on this topic in my previous post.)

I shared my experience with a neophallus – I was with a transgender man who had a penis created out of other parts of his body. As a result, he experienced amazing sensations – when I stroked his penis, he also felt pleasure on his thigh where the skin graft came from! His brain had his nerve endings mapped, so even though they were relocated, they still retained some of the original sensation. Amazing, huh?

We were all so pleased and enlightened by the Penis Party experiment – it was a rousing success! I was SO impressed with the men sharing such personal thoughts and feelings. The vulnerable setting fostered wonderful exchange. So much was learned! We’ll need to schedule another one soon! In the meantime, keep your pants on and stay sex-positive!

Comments

bimotarich 2015-05-11 17:58:48

I really like the thought that when into how to organize and run this event. I am glad it was success! More power to you!

Reply

SheepDog45 2015-05-12 12:24:54

I’m interested in knowing what the conversational questions were. Would you consider publishing the list so we could see what was used for ‘ice breaker’ material? Was it a round-robin style of conversation, where everyone answers the same question, or more like just a topic suggested to get people talking in general?

Reply

    Kendra Holliday 2015-05-13 13:51:34

    Gosh I wish we saved the list of questions! They were all so good! David gathered them up on slips of paper, then fished through them and posed the questions. Each man had a chance to answer the question round robin style. The women weren’t allowed to interrupt. After an hour of the men on the floor, we switched positions and the men sat in the chairs and the women sat on the floor and had a chance to talk. It was harder for the men to keep quiet when it wasn’t their turn! Then at the end we all got to chat openly for about 20 min.

    Reply

    David Wraith 2015-05-13 17:35:01

    Whoops, I forgot to hit the “reply” button. I posted the question below.

    Reply

David Wraith 2015-05-13 17:33:07

@SheepDog45, here’s the list of submitted questions:

01. Do you masturbate daily, hourly, weekly?
02. Are you circumcised? If so are you fine with it?
03. Have you ever tried sounding?
04. How do you “tone down” a hard-on when you’re erect at a clothing optional event?
05. What causes you to go flaccid during the act if you’re sincerely into her?
06. What arouses your penis? The female form? Sweet scents?
07. How many drinks do you need before you get whiskey dick?
08. What’s the dumbest decision your dick has made for you? Did you regret it.
09. On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate blow jobs in general?
10. Do vaginas all feel different to your penis? How?
11. Why are condoms so distasteful to so many of you?
12. Is it easier to orgasm with a regular partner or a new one? Why?
13. Do you think penises are beautiful or ugly?
14. How are the testicles and penis related?
15. How do you feel when you can’t get erect?
16. Do you believe that penises should be as visible as breasts and vaginas in movies and television?
17. How much does the social correlation between size and masculinity affect you?
18. Have you ever had a situation where a guy’s social standing changed because of his penis size?

Reply

Mildred 2015-05-23 07:46:39

Gosh I find that circumcision thing strange. I’m Australian and have only spied 1 circumcised penis with my little eye. In the flesh I mean of course, they’re the norm in American porn. Circumcision is definitely not the norm in Australia, New Zealand or England.
The one circumcised fellow I felt sort of sorry for him. It seems pointless and cruel. Like docking rottweilers tails’.

Reply

shady 2015-07-15 02:53:01

My baby boy had surgery when he was a day old. The doctor was supposed to circumcise him during the procedure, but nurse forgot to tell him. He died before it was done. Since his father was Jewish I was especially sad about it. My nephew had open heart surgery when he was a week old a couple years earlier. Because of this, she didn’t want him to undergo anything else that wasn’t neccessary. Since then, she had two more boys she chose not to circumcise. After talking with her and looking into, I’m now glad he wasn’t circumcized. It’s complet unneccessary. Out of four boys and 23 years, only one of them once had an infection. It may not be as brutal as female circumcision but male circumcision is also an unnecessary cruelty.

Reply

    Kendra Holliday 2015-07-15 04:59:32

    I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your baby boy. And open heart surgery at such a tender age! People endure so much more than we realize.

    Reply

      shady 2015-07-16 00:05:16

      Kendra,

      Thank you.

      Reply

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