By Kendra Holliday | January 16, 2017

I’m a proud pervert!

Here is proof, as featured in The Riverfront Times.

Or, just look at this pic 🙂

My new friends!

My new friends!

Here’s one of my favorite perverts:

John Waters is such a pervert!

John Waters is such a pervert!

So what is a pervert, anyway? Centuries ago, the word meant “atheist”, or “turning away from what is right.”

PERV, by Jesse Bering

PERV, by Jesse Bering

I’m an atheist, so that still fits. And I don’t see why sexual creativity and expression is wrong, so I’m glad to reclaim the word as being twisted or kinky.

There’s a great book out that covers a wide range of perversions. It’s called PERV: The Sexual Deviant in All of Us, by Jesse Bering. (Fun fact: Jesse Bering used to teach at a university in Arkansas. My ex took his position when he moved on to greener pastures.)

I’m used to academics writing about sex in theory, and removing themselves from the messy details. So I was really impressed with Jesse’s approach – he fesses up to some of his own embarrassing sexual history! Very raw and honest.

For instance, one time he masturbated to an empty Diet Coke can a guy he had a crush on drank from. He also masturbated to a picture of a naked caveman in a science book. His confessions reminded me of some of my embarrassing details – I used to have a crush on Darth Vader, and when I was a kid, I practiced making out with a Spiderman doll.

We all know how open I am about my sexuality – Jesse encourages his readers to come clean about their sexy secrets, pointing out, “The problem with zipping up on our dirtiest little secrets is that others are doing exactly the same thing, and this means that the story of human sexuality that we’ve come to believe is true is, in reality, a lie. What’s more, it’s a very dangerous lie, because is convinces us that we’re all alone in the world as ‘perverts’ should we ever deviate in some way from this falsely conceived patter of the normal.”

We need not live in fear for being different. We need to band together and be out about our creative sexuality! Jesse’s book attempts to pave the way, and for that I am SO GLAD! And he does it in a very funny, open, frank style.

Some perversions have entered the mainstream, thanks to 50 Shades of Grey, but others are still lurking in the shadows as being very taboo, such as bestiality and pedophilia. Jesse points out that some human-other species sex can involve sexual pleasure, and might be preferable to breeding and slaughtering animals for human consumption in the grand scheme of things.

He says, “Which is worse – a stud manager forcibly collecting the semen of a prized racehorse by inserting an electrified rod into the animal’s rectum and delivering a shock to his prostate, or a zoophile gently masturbating his companion horse with the sole intent of bringing him satisfaction?”

He also discusses the case of the responsible necrophile and ponders ethical incest. Yes, he really does go there.

He talks about the time a guy with a foot fetish sucked on his toes, much to his horror. He finds foot worship personally disgusting, but can respect the appeal of it for others. I had always heard foot fetishes stemmed from the brain being wired differently, but he mentions studies where foot fetishes increase during times of gonorrhea epidemics as a way of avoiding STIs. Hmm.

He puts one of my theories into scientific terms – I maintain that people are scared of sex because it reminds them too much of being animals: “The relationship between sex and disgust in human beings comes from the field of ‘terror management theory,’ which postulates that any disgust reactions we have to sex actually y stem from the fear of our own mortality.” Interesting that sex, which is ultimately an act of creation – is tied to death.

He covers some fascinating case histories involving women and girls being surgically altered or sent to asylums for MASTURBATING. Can you believe that shit?!?!

Reading this book, I learned what a “melissaphile” is – someone with a honeybee fetish! And that the age of consent in Spain is 13!

I also learned about how animals raised with a species different than their own tend to be attracted to that species – for instance, male goats and sheep raised with the other species ended up being sexually attracted to that species, as opposed to their own. Interestingly, female goats and sheep were not as discriminating. This makes me wonder about the level of male fetishes vs female – females seem to be more fluid in their arousal than some men. The male-to-female ratio of paraphilia (intense sexual arousal to atypical objects) is 99 to 1. Oh, and a female chimp who was raised by humans would masturbate to the images of naked men in Playgirl magazine!

I have to admit, one story he shared seriously grossed me out. A teenage boy who had many open wounds on his body refused treatment because he got off to them – they reminded him of women’s mouths. He’d sit around and think about women’s mouth and taste the pus that oozed from his sores and get sexually aroused.

Jesse ends his provocative and controversial book on the same note as he began – be open and honest about your unique kinks. Be proud! Accept others for who they are – including yourself!


Tony Artuso 2014-03-10 09:14:18

Thanks so much for the thoughtful review. Maybe I will get a copy of the book to check out myself.


Dan 2014-03-11 08:00:05

Actually, when guys get together, we proudly wear the badge of Pervert. It is a compliment to call a guy that. But when the cigars and the fire ring embers go out and the sex stories fade into the night, the women we go back to in our marriages and LTRs tend to civilize us. Maybe this is good for society. It is not good, however, for a marriage. Best thing about Kink going mainstream I think is that we are now seeing our need for the shadow side in adult play to keep divorce at bay and people happy and sharp at the eros game. The light only has meaning up against the darkness, no? Can’t wait to see the impact of the 50 Shades movie set to come out summer/fall of 2014.
Thanks for the review; you summarized it well I thought.


jinny 2014-03-11 09:13:34

I wonder if it is sex that we are conditioned to fear or rather joy itself.


D. B. 2017-01-18 09:38:50

I have a crackpot theory that sexual shame is a warped outgrowth of an instinct to shield the genitals from physical harm. I have no evidence for this idea, but it seems plausible.


Ella 2017-02-13 18:59:00

Kendra– been reading this blog for years, don’t think I’ve ever commented before. But I braved the librarian’s face and checked this out. An excellent read, and have been raving about it to anyone who will listen. Definitely more scientific and less naughty than I expected


    Kendra Holliday 2017-02-14 06:18:54

    I’m so glad you checked it out! I found it very enlightening – so cool your library carries it 🙂


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