Pirates Rocket Vibrator

I hate mainstream porn.

I hated the biggest adult production in history, Pirates.

Watching Barbie dolls writhe in candlelight to cello music did nothing for me.

But this vibrator from Holistic Wisdom sure did.

I was COMPLETELY skeptical of this toy. The packaging turned me off. “Katsumi’s Ancient Secrets” – REALLY?

Despite the description, it looked cheap:

“This beautifully adorned and decroated, silky smooth, ultra powerful massager with one easy touch button control will send you on an orgasmic voyage in no time! Powered by 2 C batteries.”

Your pirate lesson for the day: DON’T JUDGE A SEX TOY BY ITS MARKETING & PACKAGING.

This vibe is stellar.

For all those women new to sex toys wondering what they should start out with – I highly recommend this one.

It’s high quality, classy and affordable. It has five awesome designs to choose from.

I’m a sucker for the rhinestones at the base. Not only are they pretty and sparkly, but they keep the vibe from rolling off the counter.

The texture is amazing, very firmly feminine and made from safe, phthalate free material.

The button to turn it on is very user-friendly – it’s right at the bottom and straightforward. You can choose between three speeds, so it will work well for those needing a soft sensation or those who are used to Hitachi Magic Wand strength. There are two variable speed options, as well.

One night I was on the wrong side of my bed and I couldn’t reach my wand, so I grabbed the pirate vibe out of my treasure cabinet and gave it a spontaneous test drive.

It rocked my world proper.

So it’s great for sex toy veterans, as well.

PS: Listen to how it sounds in this video I did comparing it to the obnoxious Sporty Vibe.