By Kendra Holliday | October 24, 2015

In my line of work, I deal with ALL kinds of people – from 20 to 90 years of age, students and seniors, vanilla and kinky, inexperienced and experienced. Most of my clients are men, and some of them don’t have good social skills or know how to successfully interact with women. They’re horny, but don’t know how to properly channel that energy in a way that makes women feel comfortable (i.e., turned on and receptive to pleasure and connection, aka SEX).

On Sunday, November 1st, I’m hosting two events. One is the ethics of sex work at The Ethical Society, at 9:45am. The other one is Sex-Positive Etiquette for Men, at Shameless Grounds 2-4pm.

For those of you who can’t attend that day, I offer you this gem from a wonderful man I recently met. He’s in his 60’s, and he knows how to treat a woman right! He’s wooing the hell out of me! If you CAN attend, here is some food for thought ahead of time.


How to be a King among women!

How to be a King among women!

Advice to the younger generations from an older gentleman.

It amazes me how so many folks these days lack manners and respect in how they treat one another.

Perhaps it is the influence of TV fiction that just makes them want to mirror that fiction and act out in many negative ways under the guise of either showing respect or taking exception to “dissin” = disrespecting.

The most obvious to me is our treatment of women. Some men act as if women are their toys for their amusement or, worse yet, their property to be treated, or even abused, in any way they like. Some men even FEAR women.

Ever wonder why you are NOT getting laid? Perhaps it is a vibe of “lack of respect” for the ladies in your life, or maybe you just act in a manner that doesn’t show them respect or that you are NOT to be trusted. Mistreating a woman is NOT being a man. It is not a sign of the “dominant male”. It only proves you are immature, self-centered, inconsiderate, and that you need to GROW UP!

Have you worshiped your goddess today?

Have you worshiped your goddess today?

Being respectful of women should become the #1 priority for anyone seeking a relationship with the fairer sex. Yes, that includes ladies who love ladies, too.

Simple things like being clean (this includes brushing your teeth and using mouthwash), well-groomed (trim your fingernails!), using respectful language, being well-spoken and using proper grammar, not looking like or sounding like a slob, not attempting to use “compliments a.k.a. cat calls” that actually insult, opening car doors, offering your arm as opposed to grabbing theirs, understanding that NO means NO and not pushing it (even if she is your wife), respecting their time, bringing her thoughtful gifts such as flowers or chocolates, asking BEFORE touching, giving sincere compliments, saying Thank You, and just generally letting them know they are appreciated for WHO they are not what they are.

It is NOT treating them as if they have to follow your rules (limited exceptions for certain consensual and agreed upon BDSM relationships). In fact, you should be asking about, and then showing respect for, THEIR rules and boundaries (this includes in BDSM too).

Now, if you thought everything so far applies only to serious or casual romantic relationships, you’re wrong. Even if you are attempting or are establishing a relationship with a sex worker, these guidelines still apply, and possibly are even MORE important. You see, she is doing goddess work!

Just because you may be exchanging some form of compensation, does NOT give you ANY right to abuse (physical or mental), hurt, be disrespectful, blow off appointment times, ask for free services or make demands that would create mistrust or concern about your personal ethics or conduct. There is never an excuse not to be trustworthy and a gentleman. You have to give respect to get respect. No one OWES you a damn thing, so get that kind of thinking out of your system.

So, don’t be a jerk and then expect the ladies to flock to your side or respond positively to you online. And don’t act out online just because you can hide your identity – that’s what cowards do. Look into Cowboy Ethics for more on that.

Being Open and Honest with mutual respect leads to trust, which is the most important single factor grounding ANY relationship.

The old adage is true: You get more with honey than with vinegar.

So treat women with honesty, trust, and respect and you may be surprised at the doors, and other things, that will be opened for you.


Ashly 2015-10-24 11:53:24

That is so true. I was bought up to respect others and my kids were as well. Its just a shame so many folks don’t have a clue about courtesy and respect. A lot of them could not spell respect


    Kendra Holliday 2015-10-24 16:24:55

    I wasn’t really brought up to respect others, but I learned along the way, and have passed that on to my daughter. She is very courteous and respectful.


    Jacob 2015-10-25 14:07:40

    I think it is fairly simple. Treat all people how you yourself would want to be treated. Chivalry is not dead but I agree society seems to have taken a few steps backwards. I cant say that I can blame anyone or anything as the cause; however, I think fathers play a very important role in teaching their children values.


Brent 2015-10-25 15:18:40

Tom Hanks once told his son Colin one thing: “You can choose either to be nice or to be mean. Always choose to be nice.”

Or, in my mind, it takes just as much time and effort to be nice as it does to be mean…so why be mean? I’d rather treat people with as much kindness, courtesy and respect as I can personally, even if others are treating me the opposite way (and it has happened).


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