Kinky Stories & Relationship / Sex Advice

Em & Lo's Sex: How to Do Everything

By The Beautiful Kind

Em & Lo outdid themselves.

I've read plenty of Em & Lo - their website, books, and articles on SUNfiltered. They get around, and enjoy huge respect and credibility in the sex community, so I was really eager to SEE them in action and check out their new 10 part series called Sex: How to Do Everything. "Each episode is full of information, interviews and how-to demonstrations from various models illustrating a variety of different techniques, from the ordinary to the super-scandalous."

I watched the first episode, which was all about oral sex. I didn't MEAN to watch the first episode. I was seriously pressed for time, and meant just to click on the link and watch the first ten minutes and get a feel for it, but I ended up getting totally SUCKED in and watched the entire 45 minute show.

I thought it was going to be mainstream, with some softcore porn-type scenes thrown in to tantalize, but was pretty shocked at how freely they flipped from vanilla to kinky-as-fuck topics! It almost made my head spin. Completely took me by surprise.

Here are my notes:

- Models Laura & Ricardo are featured in some hot n' sexy scenes, but the editing is spastic. Turned perfectly sensual scenes into Natural Born Killers seizure moments.

- I was SOO annoyed at how they kept referring to the pussy as a "vagina." As in, "lick the vagina side to side." How are you supposed to lick the birth canal from side to side? They also suggest in a British gent's accent that you focus attention on the vaginal opening - really? That doesn't do much for me, I'd rather you pay attention to my clit. Of course they mention that, but NOT NEARLY ENOUGH. The clit is KEY. Finally 19 minutes into the show, someone they were interviewing used the word "pussy" and Em & Lo reacted negatively. Turns out they hate that word. OH. Why? Could they do me a favor and refer to female genitals in a more accurate way? I'd appreciate it. I'm fine with any term - clit, pussy, vulva, labia, yoni. Some classy women refer to it as their "kitty."

- I was also annoyed at how they suggested tracing the alphabet with your tongue on the clit THREE TIMES in the show. I hate that trick! I want to know - has ANYONE EVER really had an orgasm from their lover "singing the ABC's"? 

- They set up a confessional booth on the street and gave advice to two different people. One was a woman who confessed that one time during oral sex, she fell asleep on her partner, but he didn't notice. Should she tell him? Em & Lo suggested she lie to him and politely decline offers of oral sex in the future. REALLY? What happened to open, honest communication? And why are they steering her towards not getting head??

- They suggest a good diet to promote a good smell down below. I thought it was funny how they said asparagus makes everyone's pee smell like wet cardboard. They touted pineapple, which is something I've been meaning to experiment with for AGES. I want to gorge on pineapple all weekend with Beast until our mouths are burning, and then conduct some taste tests.

- They featured sculptor Jamie McCartney who has this noble cause going of making plaster casts of pussies so women can better see and appreciate their sacred femininity. He cast this one woman who had been told her "gash looked like an axe wound," and then challenged her to pick it out of a lineup of 40 plaster pussies. I'll let you watch the show to find out if she picked the right one. She found the experience enlightening and empowering.

- They staged this kindof goofy debate on the 69 position, which I've covered before. In general, it seems most men love it, most women don't. Em won the debate; she was pro-69.

OK so I've done my nitpicking. Now it's time to trumpet the two best parts of the episode, this is where they outdid themselves.

- They featured Midori giving a blow job class to two women. OMG I have such a crush on Midori! She is AMAZING!!! I got so turned on watching this part of the show! I wasn't expecting that AT ALL! I WANT MORE MIDORI!!! I learned a thing or two watching the lesson as well. She stresses seduction, eye contact, thigh touching. She demonstrated on strap ons and lollipops, which might sound silly, but good lord she could make anything sexy. She even showed how to put on a condom with your mouth, I've never done that. And she calls a guy cumming all over you a "pearl shower." MMMM!

- The grand finale of the show blew me away - they featured this guy named Al who can suck his own dick. He looked eerily like a friend of mine, so much so that I called him up and told him to watch out if he starts getting approached for autographs once people start watching this show (it debuted a couple days ago). Al was awesome, he was so open and honest. He said he's been sucking his own dick since he was 11 years old, and suggests yoga for those who want to learn how to do it themselves, though he admitted to having a medical condition that gave him great flexibility. He also said you needn't have an 8 inch cock like he does in order to pull it off. AND THEN HE GAVE A DEMO. They asked him if he spat or swallowed his own load. You'll have to watch the show yourself to find out.

The show is very classy and edgy and full of surprises. I'm hooked. I'd definitely watch more episodes. They sure started the series off with a bang!