By Kendra Holliday | August 20, 2011 at 8:15 am
Blues Musician Punished for Her Sexuality
Blues musician Candye Kane was kicked off a festival in Alabama because organizers were uncomfortable with her being a bisexual, former sex worker, human rights activist.
This exact thing happened to me when I was fired from my job for being an outspoken, bisexual sex-positive activist.
Most people would prefer you keep your personal life private, or better yet, repress it. Just think of how many musicians sneak around having illicit sexual encounters, yet they are welcome to perform at national festivals. Their duplicity is being rewarded.
I maintain that a personal life can be kept separate from your professional life. Morality clauses are tacky.
Sex Surrogacy Documentary – Where Are They Now?
There's a documentary from the 80's you can watch on Netflix about sex surrogacy called "Private Practices: The Story of a Sex Surrogate." Salon writer Tracy Clark Flory tracked down the sex surrogate and client who were featured in the doc to see what they were up to these days. I LOVE HUMAN INTEREST STORIES.
I was really interested to watch the doc because I've done sex surrogate work and think it's a concept that should be utilized more in our society. There are only about 100 sex surrogates in the country, not many people are aware of it. I wrote a series on SexIs a while back, here is the intro article that explains how I got into it.
I'm thrilled that sexuality and motherhood got so much press this week, thanks to a story and facts getting twisted. Here are a few of the many articles worth reading:
AV Flox wrote an amazing piece about the whole MILF/Madonna Whore Complex featuring Madison and me on BlogHer here.
The breastfeeding controversy took a nasty turn when Furrygirl got emotional and projected her own issues onto the sex-activism screen, which was like folding a bad ingredient into the discussion. It got tainted.
I had something similar happen to me a couple years ago. I blogged about considering having sex in a kid's room (the kid was out of town) and one of my readers freaked out on me and accused me of being a pedophile. She made the giant leap that if I had sex in a kid's room, next I would use children's underpants as a prop and then ultimately incorporate children into my sex life. Huh?! Clearly she was projecting and had deep-seated issues. I felt bad for her.
Also, Furrygirl accuses Madison of using her baby as a publicity prop. Would Furrygirl also accuse me of using my daughter as a publicity prop when I wrote about her experience with a child molester? The fact is, having a child is part of our life story and experience – it is part of who we are, and we are able to take that experience and share it with others, creating awareness and understanding. The goal is to foster acceptance and mutual respect, so it's disheartening when a fellow pornographer and sex-activist attempts to destroy the message out of fear and ignorance.
It's so important for mothers to stand up for their sexuality and rights as a fellow human being. We are not a lesser class with fewer rights just because we have made the decision to have children.
The Real Risk of Kinky Sex
Finally, let's end on a positive note. Midori wrote this amazing essay for SexIs that got rave reviews from those who celebrate BDSM as a part of their lifestyle.
I've witnessed many public BDSM scenes where there seems to be a lack of connection between the Top and the bottom. It's like the Top is going through the motions and hiding behind a bunch of props. I think it's so sexy when both parties let down their guard and really feel each other.
I wish more people could witness my partner Matthew and I do a scene. He tames me with his hands and heart. He is so mindful, intuitive and intense. We are so grateful that we have each other to tap into our primal sides. With him, I can be a child, a fool, an animal. Such a beautiful thing.