TBK’s Top Stories of the Week – August 19, 2011

By Kendra Holliday | August 20, 2011 at 8:15 am

Candye Kane

My oh my we had all kinds of controversy boiling this week! Lingerie for little girls, a MO teenager raped at school then expelled, and finally, the breastfeeding explosion. More details below.

Blues Musician Punished for Her Sexuality

Blues musician Candye Kane was kicked off a festival in Alabama because organizers were uncomfortable with her being a bisexual, former sex worker, human rights activist.

This exact thing happened to me when I was fired from my job for being an outspoken, bisexual sex-positive activist.

Most people would prefer you keep your personal life private, or better yet, repress it. Just think of how many musicians sneak around having illicit sexual encounters, yet they are welcome to perform at national festivals. Their duplicity is being rewarded.

I maintain that a personal life can be kept separate from your professional life. Morality clauses are tacky.

Sex Surrogacy Documentary – Where Are They Now?

There's a documentary from the 80's you can watch on Netflix about sex surrogacy called "Private Practices: The Story of a Sex Surrogate." Salon writer Tracy Clark Flory tracked down the sex surrogate and client who were featured in the doc to see what they were up to these days. I LOVE HUMAN INTEREST STORIES.

I was really interested to watch the doc because I've done sex surrogate work and think it's a concept that should be utilized more in our society. There are only about 100 sex surrogates in the country, not many people are aware of it. I wrote a series on SexIs a while back, here is the intro article that explains how I got into it.

Madison Young

Breastfeeding Brouhaha

I'm thrilled that sexuality and motherhood got so much press this week, thanks to a story and facts getting twisted. Here are a few of the many articles worth reading:

Tracy Clark Flory on Salon: When porn meets real motherhood

Diane Anderson-Minshall of The Advocate: Queer Porn Star Accused of Pedophilia

Miss Maggie Mayhem: Sex Workers Breastfeeding

Hugo Schwyzer of The Good Men Project: The Real Meaning of MILFs

Kitty Stryker: you threw your toys out of the pram, Furrygirl

AV Flox wrote an amazing piece about the whole MILF/Madonna Whore Complex featuring Madison and me on BlogHer here.

The breastfeeding controversy took a nasty turn when Furrygirl got emotional and projected her own issues onto the sex-activism screen, which was like folding a bad ingredient into the discussion. It got tainted.

I had something similar happen to me a couple years ago. I blogged about considering having sex in a kid's room (the kid was out of town) and one of my readers freaked out on me and accused me of being a pedophile. She made the giant leap that if I had sex in a kid's room, next I would use children's underpants as a prop and then ultimately incorporate children into my sex life. Huh?! Clearly she was projecting and had deep-seated issues. I felt bad for her.

Also, Furrygirl accuses Madison of using her baby as a publicity prop. Would Furrygirl also accuse me of using my daughter as a publicity prop when I wrote about her experience with a child molester? The fact is, having a child is part of our life story and experience – it is part of who we are, and we are able to take that experience and share it with others, creating awareness and understanding. The goal is to foster acceptance and mutual respect, so it's disheartening when a fellow pornographer and sex-activist attempts to destroy the message out of fear and ignorance.

It's so important for mothers to stand up for their sexuality and rights as a fellow human being. We are not a lesser class with fewer rights just because we have made the decision to have children.

The Real Risk of Kinky Sex

Finally, let's end on a positive note. Midori wrote this amazing essay for SexIs that got rave reviews from those who celebrate BDSM as a part of their lifestyle.

I've witnessed many public BDSM scenes where there seems to be a lack of connection between the Top and the bottom. It's like the Top is going through the motions and hiding behind a bunch of props. I think it's so sexy when both parties let down their guard and really feel each other.

I wish more people could witness my partner Matthew and I do a scene. He tames me with his hands and heart. He is so mindful, intuitive and intense. We are so grateful that we have each other to tap into our primal sides. With him, I can be a child, a fool, an animal. Such a beautiful thing.

Comments

Hypocrite 2011-08-22 14:04:04

Three quick thoughts:

1) “We are not a lesser class with fewer rights just because we have made the decision to have children.” This is funny to me, because often in the workplace, you hear childless workers complaining that parents get “away” with more. Such as:

Mom/Dad: “Hey boss, I have to leave at 4:00 to get to my kid’s event.”

Boss: “No problem, Childless Worker Drone doesn’t have any family committments. S/he can stay late and take care of that project.”

2) Breastfeeding in public. I’m not a fan. I’m not a freak out about it type, but it’s something that I think shouldn’t be done out in public. Sorry, but it makes a lot of people uncomfortable, so while you think you’re being all cool and progressive, you’re actually being a douche.

3) But, nothing compares to people who clip their fingernails in public. Truly stomach-churning.

Reply

    Eva 2011-08-26 19:30:47

    Um, I don’t really think that nursing mothers “think they’re being cool and progressive”. I sure didn’t. I thought, “My kid’s hungry, think I’ll feed her now”. You sir, are the douche.

    Reply

      Hypocrite 2011-08-29 10:40:36

      I’m absolutely a douche, but at least I manage to conduct myself in public in a manner that is inoffensive to common society.

      Reply

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