By Matthew | June 15, 2014
Ed Note: This is a guest post by my partner, Matthew. He is the father of two children.
A couple of weeks ago, I started hearing the yearly buzz of “Father’s Day” gifts, salutations and tributes. I started thinking a bit more in depth on the subject of Fatherhood and what it means to me.
Being a Father is synonymous to me with being a man. I hear so many people speak of “men” they know or have connections with and then start divulging details about these people.
I know women who demand flowers from their husbands as a way of apologizing for an act of relationship treason.
I know women who are dating “men” right now, but speak of nothing but their shortcomings.
I know of “men” whose wives have gotten up and walked away from them while they were eating her pussy.
I know of “men” who don’t make an effort to spend time with their children.
I know of “men” who can’t separate business from pleasure and vice versa.
I know of “men” who are so weak themselves, that they show their “strength” by preying on the eager and ignorant.
I know women who have settled for a “man”.
I know of “men” who live in their mother’s basement.
I know of “men” who can’t dress themselves.
I am sure you know plenty of “men” like this as well.
If a man has children, they are his number one priority.
When I got married, I knew it was the best thing to do at the time. When I had children, I knew it was the best thing to do at the time. When I got divorced, I knew it was the best thing to do at the time.
After my divorce, I waited for a few months until I unlocked the dating door. I needed to get my head back on straight before I allowed any more variables into my equation. I needed to make sure I was healthy for my children. I knew that I needed to take care of me first.
When I started dating, I made sure that every woman I came across understood two things:
1. They would never be number one in my life.
2. They would not soon meet my children.
I don’t recall any of them having a problem with that.
A man doesn’t NEED a woman, he HAS a woman.
I love Kendra like I have no other, and I plan to keep it that way for as long as possible. She is a truly amazing woman and understands who I am. She affords me the freedom that I afford her.
If I needed to, however, I could absolutely live my life without her. Do I want to do that? NO. Are you fucking crazy?!?!? There is a big difference between want and need. My eyes are open and I see what I have.
I WANT her. I HAVE her. She IS mine.
A man understands his pride and it is in balance with his reality.
I will be the first one to tell you that my ego doesn’t need a boost. When I say that to people they nod in agreement but not disbelief. They aren’t shocked by my assertion because they know I mean it and can see it themselves.
A man can accept any emotion, from anyone, and deal with it accordingly.
The positive emotions are relatively easy to accept, the negative ones are the ones that really need attention. I think of myself as an emotional sponge in that regard. Whenever I see tears, I absorb them, soak them up and recycle them. When presented with a problem, I immediately start the solution process.
A man can adapt to any situation at any time and understands his role.
From my personal life to my business I am constantly morphing to suit the environment. I answer to people at one, but not the other. I accept that completely and have no issue with fulfilling, and often times exceeding expectations in both.
A man wants the people he cares about to be happy and feel loved above all else.
I hold no grudges against my ex-wife and I truly want her to be happy. I would lend her my bed so she and her boyfriend could have sex on it without a second thought. Even though I don’t think of her as often as I used too, I still want to see her happy. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem that she feels the same about me, which is fine for me, but not so much for her.
A man does not need approval from others.
I make the choices I make because I believe in them. If people trust you, they will trust your choices as well. If they see that you are happy, but are not happy for you, then they do not trust you. Let them be until they decide to trust you.
A man demands respect only in the ratio that he offers it.
I am all about mutual respect, but I do know a lot of people who do not deserve my respect. In turn, I am not the least bit concerned if they respect me or not.
A man doesn’t dwell on the past, nor does he live there.
I choose not to stagnate in life. I see so many people who hold grudges and can’t move on. To me that is a choice those people make. We all have things in the past that we are proud of (or not), but what you do in the present dictates the path of your life and the quality therein. I wink at the past, nod at the present and look to the future.
A man doesn’t need anyone to help him live his life.
A man understands that he is not what every woman needs nor wants.
A man can see a naked woman and not feel the need to have sex with her.
A man isn’t concerned with the size of his penis.
A man puts the pleasure of his partner before his own.
I will finish my sermon by paying homage to a great man- my father. I love him dearly and respect him completely. I see myself in him. He sees himself in me. He is proud of me for doing things even better than he thinks he did. I can tell you- he did nothing wrong as far as I am concerned. If I could go back and change something about my childhood, I wouldn’t. I am a man because of it. My son will be a man because of it.
When you celebrate Father’s Day, I hope you can accordingly….by honoring a great man. I know I will.
All the Best,