What Makes a Person Sexy? The Secret Recipe

By Kendra Holliday | December 31, 2016


What makes a person sexy?

Think about it.

Before you read on, take a moment to really think about it. What thoughts immediately come to mind?

WHO comes to mind – you? your partner? someone you know in real life? celebrities?

What do they look like? How do they behave?

Most people will reply automatically with:


But of course!

Take a look at yourself.

However, it’s more than that. I know a gorgeous stripper who suffers from low self-esteem, and she is sexy.

You can be insecure and sexy.

You can be stupid and sexy.

You can be fat and sexy.

You can be old and sexy.

You can be poor and sexy.

You can be immature and sexy.

When we are attracted to someone else, it’s either because they remind us of ourselves, or they are a contrast to ourselves.

Either way, it is a reflection.

Deep, huh? Let’s unpack that.

Do you possess more male energy, or female energy?

Are you in touch with your sexuality? Is your libido in check?

Female energy is yin, the moon, water, cool.

Male energy is yang, the sun, fire, hot.

I’ve found that what makes a man sexy is confidence and maturity.

For women, it’s confidence and playfulness.

And for everyone, the secret ingredient to sexiness is…………




Authenticity encompasses your TRUE self. It is your essence, your radiance, your vitality.

And most people are not in touch with their core. They are afraid who they truly are doesn’t fit the social construct, so they distance themselves, and that’s like throwing a wet blanket over their spirit.

Don’t be afraid of your vitality. Embrace it.

Be open and honest.

If you can be unapologetic about who you are, while treating those around you with respect, then you have unlocked the secret recipe for sexiness.

Naked Truth

Tap into your creativity, your unique talents or traits.

Be primal.

Are you more like a predator, or prey?

If you were a non- human animal, what you be?

Are you more like a lady, or a slut?

Are you more like a gentleman, or a rogue?

What is your mystique?

Are you ordinary, or exotic?

Are you a gas, liquid, or solid?

Do you have a sense of humor?

Are you nurturing? Are you a protector?

Are you in touch with your emotions? Do you possess self-respect? Empathy for others?

Are you successful, accomplished, logical, intelligent?

Do you possess courage?

Are you a maiden, a matron, or crone?

Are you a King, warrior, magician, lover?

Are you a child, an adult, or an elder?

What are you passionate about?

What are you good at?

Do you have looks, brains, and personality? (btw, looks is least important, and personality is most important)

Is your head attached to your body? In other words, are you in touch with your body, or are you all up in your head?

Are you a positive force, or a negative force? Do you energize other people, or drain them?

Are you a victim, or a survivor?

Are you afraid of change? The unknown?

Are you willing to go deep?

Are you ambitious? If you could wave a magic wand, what would you change about your life? Since you don’t have a magic wand, what would it take to improve your quality of life? Hard work. Risk. Change.

My friend and fellow sex worker Erika made this great motivational video on being comfortable in your own skin. Not everyone will be attracted to you, but you can play up the qualities you do have and find your groove.

For instance, I am 43 and have an average body. Seriously, I am 5’4″, 140 lbs, a white, middle aged mom in the Midwest. Very average. I can’t be a young model. I can’t be an exotic Asian seductress. I’m not an athlete. I don’t speak multiple languages. I don’t play any musical instruments.

But I CAN be a mature, experienced, self-assured sexual woman. I can embrace my classic beauty, and play up my knowledge and skills at putting people at ease. As far as I’m concerned, I am timeless – you could drop my naked body into a classical painting and I would fit right in. I’m not too old, and I’m not too young.

I am JUST RIGHT – I know who I am.

I am a sacred goddess prostitute. 🙂

All around me, I watch men being awkward and childish, and women getting used and dried up.

Gentlemen, take ownership! Either grow up and take the lead, or accept your female energy and submissive nature. Don’t remain in limbo. Limbo will smother your vitality. Find your rite of passage, your path and purpose in life. Be patient and stick to your cause, as opposed to eager and chameleon-like to the whims of women.

Ladies, DON’T let your well of female energy and radiance dry up! Every day, you will encounter work, kids, the patriarchy and more that will try and take as much of you as they can. You MUST retain your radiance through constant vigilance, enforcing boundaries and self-care. It can be exhausting, which is why so many women give up.

DON’T GIVE UP. We are taught to give and give and give – be selfish and keep some of your radiance for yourself! Otherwise, you will end up a bitter, walking corpse.

Finding the right balance is a lifelong struggle, but one that is worth getting up for every day.

Moisturize. Hydrate. Smile. BREATHE.

If you need help shifting your life in the right direction, keep reading this blog’s archives for a wealth of information, or book a consult with me for some personalized quality time.

Here’s to your health and happiness in 2017!



Erika 2016-12-31 07:54:07

Thank you so much for the feature!!


    Kendra Holliday 2016-12-31 07:58:44

    You are such an inspiration! I’m so glad to know you.


DH 2016-12-31 08:29:45

I really like this post… You definitely have been a positive influence in my life- Thank you! <3


Desere 2017-01-01 22:52:54

Great comments Kendra. I love to hear from strong beautiful women.


Dan 2017-01-04 09:12:23

Average body? No way Kendra. You are HOT. That said, I love this post. Just finished the book Erotic Integrity: How to be true to yourself sexually, by Dr. Claudia Six and you are both right. Confidence. A woman is sexy who is confident; and hungry for touch or hungry to be desired, too. So important that she BELIEVES she is as beautiful and sexy; as sexy as I say she is; that she wants to please me enough to just shut up and believe me when I say she her ass is the finest in the land. Instead of: no, you are wrong about that. My ass is average. It’s beautiful to me; let me have that.

Like mom said, to a compliment the correct response is: “Thank you.” A woman is sexy or beautiful or whatever if she believes she is. Same w/ guys. My wife reminded me this morning that I’ve said, “Who would want me at my age.” Truth is, several women would; and have. To be better lovers sometimes we need to just shut up and say: “Thank you!”


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