By Kendra Holliday | August 7, 2013 at 8:14 am
I had my first serious long term relationship starting at 16 and technically became polyamorous around 17-18 years old. I say “technically” because we didn’t have the vocab or roadmap for what the hell we were doing. We just called it an “open relationship,” made shit loads of mistakes and that was that.
I never looked back and that is how all my relationships have been since then. Errr, not messy mistakes, but open. Well, mistakes are part of learning/growth etc.
So that would make it almost 15 years of trial and error and despite some drama here and there, I persist because I believe it’s the only way for me to be happy. I make sure that is known before I get involved with anyone. I am what I am!
I’ve been with my hubby for almost 13 years and I enjoy marriage a lot. I see benefits to legal marriage. I wear a wedding ring and so does he. I like tradition to some extent. But aside from the, “why did you get married?” question, I most often get asked, “what does poly do for your marriage?” so I’ll answer that here.
Just like there are degrees of sexuality – some fall squarely on the hetero side, others in between and others on the homosexual side – I see the poly-mono relationship structure almost the same. Some people are happy monogamous. Some are happy swingers. Some are happy either poly or mono depending on who they’re with. I see myself as very strictly poly. I cannot imagine ever being in or being happy in a monogamous relationship. Even if I am not actually seeing or seeking out other relationships, I need to be open in theory at least.
So what does it do for my marriage? It makes me feel happy, secure and respected. My needs are being met and I know I am being true to myself and loved for who I am. I feel free.
Secondly, my hubby is a giant perv. He loves the idea of me with other people. So when I come home and tell him I had sex, he does not fly into a jealous rage. He becomes a giant horny dog. He wants me even more. This can get tiring (lol!) but it also re-injects sexual energy and love into our marriage. It’s fun! While poly is not all about sex (then again, what difference would it make it if were?), the sexual aspect appeals to me.
Have we had epic arguments and jealous moments? Of course! But after all this time, they are pretty much not only a thing of the past, but they weren’t exactly occurring often enough to make the work part not worth it. I have met and loved lots of interesting and beautiful people. They have taught me tons and helped make me a better person. My hubby and I have grown together also. I can’t see it as anything other than a Good Thing for my life and marriage.